Build Confidence from Rock Bottom | Tom Bilyeu AMA

This is an AMA. My name is Tom Bilyeu. I'm answering all your questions and we're going to dive right in to the first one, which is from Divya Shri Tambade. This is from the Connect inbox. Hi Tom, I'm a student and do pretty good in class, but I lack self-confidence whenever I have to solve a question, however it however easy it may be, the first thing that pops in my mind is that I won't be able to solve it and with every step I do, I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Although usually it's almost always right. What are some ways that I can stop giving this negative feedback to myself? Okay, so first of all, you've got to train yourself to use the negative thoughts that you have as a habit loop trigger of something positive. That's the first step to all of this. So I don't think anybody is going to be able to get rid of the negative voice and even if you could, I actually don't think you would want to. I think the reality is you want to use that as your jujitsu flip to get over to the positive way of thinking, to get into that positive habit loop, to remind yourself that even if you're not good at it yet, you can get good at it, that you're going to learn by whatever you're doing. The second thing is and this is if you guys don't know Ed Mylett, go check him out. We just filmed our Impact Theory episode with him, so it'll come out in a few weeks, but whoa, I was really blown away by this guy and the way that he thinks about self-confidence. Um A, it's incredibly important to build said self-confidence and B, the way that you go about it, um as he describes it, I think it's super super powerful and that is you've really got to earn credibility with yourself. Uh this is something you guys have heard me talk a lot about before. I'm wildly obsessed with this notion and Ed Mylett really, um I think gives some pretty incredible examples of ways you're going to do that. So somebody that doesn't have confidence is because they don't trust themselves. This is me literally quoting Ed Mylett right now. Um and what you have to do is build that trust and the way that you're going to build that trust is by making a promise to yourself and then keeping it. And so, uh this is where Ed and I our way of looking at this completely overlaps. So, my whole thing is you want to go out and do something that is really simple that you know that you're going to deliver on. So, for me that's always been the gym. Technically, I have one before that even, which is getting out of bed in 10 minutes or less, which by the way, full confession time, I missed today by like 20 seconds um cuz I got totally lost in thought. But, it doesn't matter. So, I lost a little bit of credibility with myself today. Um so, and part of the reason that I say that out loud is so that when I do it and I do it every day that I know that I'm being held accountable um and that I get to feel good about it when I win. And that is the other part. So, making sure that you celebrate that. So, when I get out of bed in 10 minutes, when I go to the gym immediately and work out, that I celebrate that. And in celebrating that and acknowledging it and fully saying like, "You said you were going to do it and you did it." I'm building that credibility with myself. So, that when the next time that negative voice comes and I want to flip it into something positive and to remind myself of the times that I actually did it, that I'm going to believe me. I'm going to have that credibility with myself because I can think very concretely of a number of times where I said I was going to do it and I actually did it. And so, that is really the key. So, for me it's that twofold process. One, understand that your mind is going to throw something negative your way regardless of whether it should or not. That seems to be just the way that the mind works. And then second, you need to earn that credibility with yourself. Now, you can always earn credibility. You can start today. So, whether your entire life leading up to this moment, you have just failed yourself over and over and over. You said you were going to do something and you didn't do it. You can start today. And the thing that really drives that um belief in yourself is going to be or I should say that drives you actually following through. One, the size of the promise that you make to yourself. So, make it something that can be immediately realized. Getting out of bed in 10 minutes or less literally takes 10 minutes or less. Second thing is going to the gym. Again, this is something that I'm going to do right now today. It's not contingent on some grand performance in the gym. It's just step one, go to the gym. So, start doing that. Start earning some credibility with yourself. When you get that momentum, then you can make bigger and bigger promises. And then, in a moment like this, where you're taking a test or you're doing something in class, and that voice crops up, you're going to be able to build that self-confidence. So, even if you were starting at absolute rock bottom, no belief in yourself, in fact, I considered titling this episode building confidence when starting from self self-hatred, which is where a lot of people start. You can do that because right now, you get to wipe the slate clean and build from scratch. You can literally start building it totally anew. So, get after it. All right. Daniel Breeze. What is up, Daniel Breeze? Eternally engaged in the feed, always grateful for you, man. YouTube, what do you recommend for a person who isn't fulfilled in their position to make sure they don't get caught in a loop of negativity while searching for something else. So, to me, this all comes down to what you're rewarding yourself for, what you value in your life. So, I value action. So, if I knew that I'd gotten myself into a bad situation, and I have something in my eye. If I knew that I'd gotten myself into a bad situation, and rather than sit there and beat myself up over it, I would say, "Okay, you're in a bad situation. You got yourself here. Nobody to blame but you. And now, instead of beating myself up over the fact that I got myself into that situation, I am simply going to say, 'Only action matters.'" And so, now I'm just going to start taking action to make sure that I'm fixing that woe. And I find because I so value action, and by the way, I value it because I know where it leads. It leads to my desired outcome. It leads to learning, worst case. So, taking that action, driving myself forward, pushing myself, that is what I'm going to reward myself emotionally for. So, immediately I get this sense of relief from anxiety, from stress, from worry because first I'm I'm acknowledging how important that is in my life because it yields rewards. And then second, you're really going to get engrossed in it and you're going to just be lost in the details of actually trying to solve that problem by leveraging your action to get the desired outcome. So, those two things I think will serve you very very well as you go down that process. So, just make sure that you really have that emotional buy-in to the importance of action. Amar Salmi, this is from YouTube. "When does confidence become harmful? How do you detect overconfidence that might stop you from striving to get better every day?" Okay, so I I don't think that confidence is ever dangerous. What I think is dangerous is a way of approaching the world. If you value yourself for being a master, if your confidence comes from I know this stuff, then you're going to be in trouble because I think that the reality is that being a master, um feeling like you're an expert, that stuff is a trap and you need to keep your beliefs nimble. So, the more you learn, the more you need to be checking yourself to make sure that that stuff isn't calcifying into dogma. Meaning that it becomes like I do it this way and that's the way I do it. That's the way I've always done it. That's what my success is based on, so I'm going to keep doing it. That becomes incredibly dangerous, especially now in a world that changes and evolves so quickly. What worked yesterday may not keep working tomorrow. So, you've got to constantly be willing to check your assumptions. And I think the easiest way to check your assumptions is to write them down. Writing them down is going to force you to have clarity on what your assumptions are. So, that's really really important and I'm going through this right now in building the studio. I have a belief system about the way that things work. I have a belief system about the way that marketing works and I'm constantly trying to check that. And so, I found that there were some beliefs that were so embedded in me, I didn't even realize anymore that they were beliefs. And so, there's that whole concept of David Foster Wallace, the guy that wrote the speech, This Is Water. Look it up on YouTube right now, in fact. I don't even mind if you bail out of this right now to go watch it. It's that important to get this concept burned into your psyche. The fish is the last one to become aware of the water. It is so ubiquitous that they don't even realize it's a thing. That's what happens with your beliefs. You begin to believe them and internalize them so much that you forget at one point that that was something that you learned or discovered or chose to believe. And so, at some point, that now may be holding you back. So, I find writing them down so that I'm aware of what my assumptions are. I'm aware of what my beliefs are. Then I can go in and say, and this is straight from Tim Ferriss, if you haven't watched the episode of Impact Theory with Tim Ferriss, check it out. He talks about what if you did the opposite. What if you did the opposite for 24 or 48 hours? It's very easy to overcome that and back out of it if it doesn't work. But for 24 or 48 hours, just try it. What if you had the opposite belief? What if you approach things in the opposite manner? Would you get a better result? And doing that and checking your um beliefs and assumptions against that can be incredibly powerful. It will certainly open up new vistas, new possible avenues. I highly, highly recommend that. Daniel Bro. Daniel Bro from Facebook. Hello Tom, I am doing a talk next Thursday to a lot more people than I've ever done. This brings a lot of anxiety. How would you build self-confidence with this and how do you like to prepare for your talks? Okay, so first and foremost, I cannot get up and give a talk about something that I don't understand. If I don't know it like down pat, I'm going to be just anxiety through the roof. So, that's first and foremost to me. I stay in my lane when it comes to speaking engagements. sure that I'm only talking about things that I really understand, that I feel that I have a power powerful perspective on. That's huge. Second of all, doing some simple visualization is really powerful. So, sitting down, doing a meditative breathing, and walking yourself through the event, imagining it going well, it doesn't seem like it should work, but it's incredibly powerful. And it actually does seem like it should work because I know this about the brain, the brain cannot distinguish between vividly imagining something and actually doing it. So, when you sit down and vividly imagine it, imagine it, feel it, hear it, see the people out in front of you. When you do that over and over and over, and you just imagine it going well over and over and over, it's something that can really, really be powerful. Now, personally, I find that using imagery is more difficult than using words. So, as I do that, I'm actually narrating it in my head, and I'm thinking through it as like if you were reading it in a book, that's just more powerful for me. Um but whichever one works for you. But walking through that process in that meditative state, I think is really, really useful. Um and then the third thing, and these are some, you know, really uh tried and true things. If you can get there early, get on the stage, walk the stage when nobody's there, get a sense of familiarity about it. All of that stuff is really, really powerful. So, um don't be afraid of that. And then also, don't worry about looking cool, just really try to impart amazing information to people. And if you focus on that, like I just want people to get the gist, and it's okay if I flub my words, it's okay if I get lost and have to remind myself, it's okay if I have to write something on my hand. Like whatever you need to do to get through the speech, don't worry about that. The only thing that matters is, are you able to help somebody in the audience? That, like if you go in with that in mind, like hey, I know something that might be useful to some percentage of the audience, it's never going to be all of them, so don't worry about that, but just come from a place of I really want to deliver this message, and I really want to make it great, and I really want to help people, and none of that has anything to do with whether I'm perfect in my delivery, it just has to do with intent, and it has to do with the willingness to get up there and share. So, um you do all those things, and I think that you're going to crush it, my friend. So, get after it. Luna Locket YouTube You've mentioned in the past that you do not use the 5 Second Rule, which Mel Robbins spoke of during your interview with her. Is this because you use something else which you think is more effective? Um, I don't know that I would say what I do is more effective and I've often wondered if I should be employing the 5-4-3-2-1. I just found that, um, it hasn't been necessary for me at this point. So, maybe if I had found that a couple years ago, it could have been incredibly powerful, um, but I've had to develop techniques that maybe are entirely clumsy. Like even now as I'm thinking like how do I explain to people, um, what I do, I downshift. I don't know how else to explain it. And so, that would be terrible advice. And so, I'm glad that people have Mel Robbins' thing, which is very easy to replicate. Um, but when I find like if I'm getting anxious, um, and I don't really struggle with, in fact, I'll just say it emphatically, I don't struggle with moving forward. Um, I may move forward too aggressively at times. But so, that isn't I don't struggle with that same thing, at least I haven't for a very long time. Um, so for me it's more about dealing with my anxiety. And so, I think of it as literally like a level that I can always press down and I think of it as pressing it down lower in my body or downshifting. Um, those are the things that I do. So, if I feel the anxiety rising, I literally try to breathe from my diaphragm, push that anxiety down and away. I'll even think about smiling or laughing. I'll think about how ridiculous uh, the anxiety is, all of that stuff. Um, and then I also the this is the big one for me. I think of it as practice. And so, as I'm going in and having that moment of anxiety, I'm like, "Hey, awesome. This is my chance to get to practice de-escalating this." And then I go into my, um, you know, visual metaphors about pushing it down, downshifting. There you have it. All right, I'm going to ask the obvious question. Are we live on Facebook? Yeah. Since all questions so far have been YouTube, I just making sure. All right. Sunayana, UK, YouTube again. What is the first step to changing the story we tell ourselves? Do you believe that drives how we evolve the problems we face? So, the story that you tell yourself about yourself is arguably the single most important thing you're ever going to craft because it's going to determine how you view yourself, it's going to determine what you believe you're capable of. That stuff is just hugely important. I cannot overstate that one enough. Start telling yourself a story of empowerment about yourself. Earn that credibility with yourself. Do something that is worthy of self-worth. All of the like doing that stuff, like you've got to put in the work, but then you've got to be crafting that story about you being the type of person that's willing to try those things, to do that, to craft the story, to think about earning self-worth by doing things that are worthy of it. All of that stuff, that becomes the story that you tell yourself. It's not about I've done extraordinary things. Man, oh man, if I had waited till I'd actually done something cool to say that I was capable of doing something cool, I really would have been in trouble. So, what I began to value myself for was identifying the right answer. So, I don't need to be right, I just need to be willing to be humble, to approach every opportunity as an opportunity to learn, to always be willing to sit at somebody's feet and learn what they know, and to identify the right answer even when it didn't come from me. That was huge shift and was all about the story that I was telling myself. And I stopped telling myself I was smart started telling myself that I was a learner, that I was willing to put in that time and that energy to learn, and that changed everything in my life. So, I would really, really focus on that. And then, yes, the way that whatever the story is that you tell yourself and the way that you view the world will determine how you see problems. So, if you view the world as like um it's a a hostile universe to use Einstein's whole notion, if you believe it's a hostile universe, things are working against you, things are really difficult, life's a [ __ ] Um oh god, I forget the old saying, uh life's a [ __ ] sandwich and every day is just another bite. Like, people actually used to say that when I was growing up, which I still can't believe people allow themselves to utter such horrific words to reinforce something that asinine in your head is just it's literally emotional suicide. So, yes, you need to think in optimistic terms, you need to believe that things are possible, because then you'll actually put in the energy to find that solution. Max Bibikoff, Facebook after my pressure. As a current college student, I'm wondering what's your perspective when it comes to the famous saying, "Don't let school interfere with your education." This past year, I began to feel as though my personal endeavors were more important than the courses I was taking. Okay, so here's my punchline in life, get extraordinary at something. So, judging by the words you used, and I don't know what's behind them, so I could be totally wrong, but judging by the words you used, your personal endeavors probably aren't about becoming extraordinary, so I'd be very careful with saying, "I'm bored at school and I would rather do the things in my personal life." Um which just tells me that you're studying the wrong thing and that there is something that lights you on fire. And let's see if I can capture this. Yesterday, I was talking with one of the interns here and it was arguably the most enlightening conversation of my life. I know he's listening right now. And it I'm In fact, I'm grateful to you, you know exactly who you are. And what he was making clear to me is this sense of like being lost, of not knowing exactly what it is that you want to do, of experiencing things always in this like really regimented place, and because of ex- like cuz he was telling me, "Look, I've I've done what you tell people to do, which is I've explored a lot of different stuff. And as he was saying it, I was like, yes, but you've explored it all in this insanely rigid environment in a way that like even if it was something you liked, it's possible that you wouldn't recognize the joy in it because of all the structure around it. And so that brought me back to Kevin Kelly's notion of don't prematurely optimize, of finding something through play, finding something that just like by going and encountering it in in a loose, unstructured way that you realize that there's really juice in it for you. And it made me think back to like, how did I discover the things that I really loved? And the things that I discovered that I really loved were all things that I discovered through playing. Um, I found movies when I was very young and just loved them because I liked watching movies. And then my dad brought a camcorder home one day from work and playing with that was so much fun. And then literally making a stop motion video with an ice cube to the song Ice Ice Baby was just fun. And so figuring all that stuff out was just fun. I wasn't doing it because I was going to get, you know, a grade in school or because it was a project. I was doing it because it sounded fun. And so in playing with that and then reading comics and just enjoying comics and finding that I love being around the artwork, like all of this stuff was just play. And I think that that's something that as we get helicopter parents who are hovering and really wanting their kids to like be the best of the best and go to the best schools and then school's so expensive. So people are taking it so seriously. Like all of this stuff spirals out of control and you have people making decisions about what they want to do with the rest of their life when they were a teenager, which is absolutely terrifying. And so play. Go out and play. So if your personal stuff isn't necessarily more important, but it's fun and you want to explore it, go explore it. And then find that thing that really peaks your interest and then go down the path of seeing if in gaining of mastery it turns into a passion. Then you can really commit to yourself and begin that optimization process. But first, you've got to really go figure out what gives you more energy than it takes. That's the key. Thierry Matte, "Hi Tom, they say that there is a fine line between arrogance and confidence. How would you balance your confidence so you won't look arrogant?" I think that there is a gigantic gigantic chasm between arrogance and confidence. I have been arrogant in my life, there's no question, and I have a deep-seated confidence, and they come from very different places. And it looks like this. My confidence comes from knowing that when I say I'm going to do something, I do it. That I'm willing to learn and put in the work. That I can figure something out. Okay? That's where my confidence comes from. My arrogance is often born out of thinking that makes me cool. That's where the trouble begins. When you think that thing that you're good at makes you better than someone else, that becomes arrogance. When you think people should um stop and sit at your feet because you know so damn much and you're a master, that's arrogance. When on the other hand, you're confident and you want to serve and you want to help and you want to build, in fact, forget all the really cool beautiful Mother Teresa [ __ ] for a second. You just want to [ __ ] build something that is amazing because you've got the power to build it. That is awesome. And the confidence to march forth and build that thing is intoxicating. It's powerful. But because you want to build something, you actually want it to do what it's meant to do. Suddenly, there is no arrogance because you just want to know what's really going to build this thing. What's actually going to make it work. And that's where we come back to the Mother Teresa stuff, which is you're building this thing not just because it's a cool expression of what you're capable of. You're building it because you want to do something that helps other people. And the act of building itself is insanely pleasurable. When you focus on those two things, there is no room for arrogance because you're thinking about the people that you want to help. And therefore, the thing that you're building actually has to work. So, being an expression of you being badass or being an expression of you being cool, none of that matters. What matters is you actually want the thing that you're building to work. So, I have the confidence to move forward and to build the thing. But all the times that arrogance slips into my life, it's because I'm thinking about how cool that makes me. Instead of thinking about what I'm actually trying to accomplish. So, focus on the things you actually want to accomplish. At that point, I think that you will see it is night and day difference between confidence and arrogance. A beer, a smally, a louie. I think I did that pretty well. Hi Tom, in the process of building self-confidence, does the fake it till you make it help to overcome the impostor syndrome? Um, ah, I really need to stop and think about the fake it till you make it thing because the people that I and I'll speak only for myself. In the beginning, I had to fake it till you make it because I didn't understand the notion of building confidence in myself. And here's the punchline, it worked. And even though I felt really icky and you're always like unsure and you don't want to be called out and called to task, I had to begin walking down that that um path because I needed something that would allow me to take the step. And so, finally I was just like, "Fine, I'm going to fake it. I'm going to pretend that I know what I'm doing." And that allowed me to take that first step because in my heart, I knew I was just pretending. So, if I fail, it's okay. But at least in pretending, I was willing to move forward. And I've heard people talking about this with doing public speaking. In fact, I'll give you an example. Our girl Beyoncé, the Queen Bey, has a alternate ego named Sasha Fierce, which you guys may remember. And I I thinking this was really cool because when I first started speaking, that was a big thing for me. To pretend that I was somebody else, that I was confident, and all of that. And literally in pretending to be confident, I actually felt confident. And so it let me get on stage, and it let me overcome anxiety. And so it was really powerful. Even though if I were doing it now, I would never fake it. All I would do is adopt the identity of the learner, and I would go and I would sit at people's feet, and I would learn and drink of their knowledge, because I've earned so much credibility with myself that I'm willing to learn, that I'll put my ego aside. I won't even think about myself, and I'll just learn, learn, learn. And that is so much more powerful than fake it till you make it. But yet, I leaned on fake it till you make it when I was younger. So, I think over here you have something that's really uncomfortable. It's a sub-optimal way to do it, but it served a lot of people before you, and it may serve you. But if I may offer this, which is far more powerful, which is to identify as the learner, put in the work, figure it out, and just know it doesn't matter if you're cool. It doesn't matter if you get up on stage and fumble your way through it. Over time, you can get better, and because you can get better, over time you will show through performance that you've gotten great, and it won't matter that you sucked in the beginning. That's just the truth. Brandon Sung from Facebook. What's up, Tom? Where are some ground zero strategies for people just starting out and building their career, becoming locally known, and building a stable base to afford taking risks? Okay, so I'm going to answer the question you didn't actually ask, but is what I think all people at the beginning of their careers should do. It's what I wish somebody had told me, and I thusly would have probably ignored it. But it's really great advice, and I hope you don't ignore it. And it goes like this. Who's living the life you want to live? Find that person, and offer to work for them for free as an intern for 90 days. Tell them that you're going to work harder and smarter than anyone they've ever met, and then deliver on that promise, and do not in any way, shape, or form be um unwilling to do anything. If you come on as a marketing intern, let's say, and somebody In fact, you see that the trash is overflowing, take the trash out. When you do that, when you act like every problem is yours to help solve, you will become so invaluable. That attitude alone trumps skills every day of the week. I cannot tell you how much I love being around people that just they they're just hungry to learn and perform and to do whatever it takes to be a part of the team. It's so powerful, and it is so rare that people do it. Most people go into every exchange tit for tat. That's not my job. I'm not paid for that. And because they think like that, they get held back. I used to work like 90 hours a week when I was an employee. And I did it because it was important to me. Because I wanted to get ahead. I wanted to get people's attention. I wanted people to always turn to me. I wanted to always be the person that people went to, even though it was exhausting. And because of that, I always worked my way up. And in that kind of remedial jobs phase, by the end of that phase, I realized about myself, you can put me in at the lowest level in any company, and I will work my way up to the top, period. So, when I finally got that offer where somebody said, "Hey, this is a startup, man. Like, you can have any role you want." I was like, I was I I would have thought at the time I was made for this, but I will give you different words to use now. I have built myself for this. I have built myself to respond to this very moment. And that was the thing that ended up changing my life. But I had to figure that out on my own. I had to learn to be that hardcore. I had to learn to, no matter what it was, I was willing to do it. And if you do that, and if you're willing to work for free, and you perform, and you bury people with the amount of effort and positivity that you bring to the group, and your willingness to help people, you will be shocked at what amazing people will let you into their inner circle. There you go. Prathmesh Badakar Hey Tom, what would you do when you think that the approach path you were going to follow to achieve a certain goal might not work? How do you become confident in the efforts you put? Well, here's the thing, if I think that the path isn't going to work, then I'm more than happy to abandon the path and try something else. So, never be afraid to ditch a path. The only nuance in this, advanced class time, is that if you find that you're constantly abandoning a path, chances are you just don't have grit. Chances are when you hit that first like, "Hmm, I'm not sure I can pull this off." And you abandon course, then that's just insecurity getting the best of you. That's a a life philosophy that's letting you down. So, for instance, every time, and this happens all the time, every time I think, "Oh, the path that we're on on Impact Theory is not going to work." Then I check myself, okay, is that insecurity, or is that like, do I really have something um before me, data, that would tell me that this actually isn't going to work? And then you have to process through that. So, for instance, there are things like, if we try to just sell in retail our comic books, it's not going to work. So, I'll just tell you that right now. So, when I hit that on my path, I was like, "Ooh." There, literally, I've now had so many people consult for me, and the one consistent message is that there's no money to be made in just a pure retail play. Okay, well, I'm going to take that seriously. Looking at the economics of it, I concur. So, all right, if we know that that's the case, then doing the traditional thing to do that, that is not a wise idea. So, what can we do that's different that's going to allow us to broaden our market to thrive in retail and elsewhere. And so, that was me instead of hitting that roadblock and saying, "Ooh, this isn't going to work, so I'm going to quit." It was hitting that roadblock, acknowledging it, and saying, "No [ __ ] what would it take?" So, no [ __ ] what does it take to get on the other side of that? What does the strategy look like? And so, then you figure that out. Now, in all of that, like when I hit that, "Oh god, am I ever going to be able to figure this out?" And you have that moment of panic. You've just got to believe in yourself that you can learn. That's the only thing I need you to believe in, okay? You don't need to believe that you're currently capable of solving that problem. You simply need to believe that you're willing to put in the work to learn. So, that's how I deal with it. Maddie Bailu. What? That's how people mispronounce my name. Uh, how do you handle people who set themselves as your yardstick without getting mad? Let me read that again. How do you handle people who set themselves as your yardstick without getting mad? Okay, so I think I understand that. Uh, they state what you can do based on what they are able to do. Should have just kept reading. And most of the time it's always below what they can do. Okay, so, um, this happened to me a lot in an unending fashion that you can't imagine. And I saw it break pretty much everybody else that encountered it, um, you know, being told, "You're an idiot. You're stupid. Only a fool would do that." That kind of stuff, um, over and over and over. So, there's one of two reactions. There's either getting mad, letting it break you, realizing, "I need to get away from this." Or going, "Well, I came to get toughened up." That was really awkward. I came to get toughened up. Uh, and how ironic that I should be wearing the toughen the [ __ ] up, buttercup shirt right now, which by the way, go to shop.impacttheory.com. Get yours. Self-signal your way to personal development. So, that was literally where this came from. That was my reaction. I was just going to toughen up, and there was just no two ways about it. So, if somebody is way ahead of you and they're using themselves as a yardstick to you, [ __ ] live up to it. Push yourself. Grow. Become that person. The only path to success is to set the bar ridiculously high and surpass all expectations. That's it. Now, you need to also have in the back of your mind, even if you go all out every day, it's going to take time. So, you need to have that internal fortitude to know that you're going to stay the course, that you're going to keep pushing, that you're going to learn and grow, and maybe you can't be at their level today, but you will one day bury them. I just gave myself the chills. You will one day bury them with results. That is my mantra in life. There is no greater revenge than unmitigated success. And that, my friends, is what I wish for each and every one of you. That you should taste the victory of knowing that you came from behind, worked your ass off to improve, grow, and get better, always willing to hold yourself to a higher standard, always willing to push your skill set to the limit, always willing to do that extra rep to get better. And you won. So, my thing is I have the full body chills right now. My thing is I never look at myself through the lens of a moment. I always look at myself through the lens of a lifetime. Through the lens of a moment, yes, somebody may be better than me. Yes, they may be grossly disappointed in me. I may be failing through the lens of a moment. But over the course of a lifetime, no one no one can beat me. Because I won't stop. And when you've earned that credibility with yourself, when you say I say that on camera all the time. Do you know the amount of pressure that puts on me to make sure that I don't stop? And secretly, that's what I want. That's why I do it. And that's what I want for you guys, to believe in yourself, to small incremental steps day by day to do those things that were hard and to still do them, and to keep pushing yourself, and to know that about yourself. That you won't break. You won't give in. You'll keep pushing. You'll grow and get better. That you're not saying that you're the best right now today. You just know that you're going to keep going. When I look back on my life over a week period, I am not impressed. When I look back over my life in 10-year chunks, I am literally blown away by what the human animal is capable of. All right. Sebastian, YouTube. Hi Tom, I always wanted to be successful, but suddenly I am 28 years old and feel like a giant loser having accomplished nothing and not knowing what my talents truly are. What should I do? All right, my man, I want you to lean in and listen to this and everybody that's in this situation. So, first of all, this is like the most predictable thing ever. They call it the quarter-life crisis. So, people go through this. You are not alone. This is very familiar territory. At that point in my life, I was just starting to build towards hating my life. It was probably for me the real moment of crisis came in my early 30s, but I was in that same situation where I was just like, what what have I done with my life? Like this is crazy. I hate my life. The key here is find something you love. Judge yourself not by external metrics of traditional success. Judge yourself by internal metrics of do I love what I do? Am I pursuing something that matters to me? And if the answer to those questions is no, man, that's awesome. At least now we know. And now you're going to make change. And making change in your life, you've got to have real clarity about what you're going to let drive you. Because I'm going to reach in your soul right now and I'm going to say the thing that's driving you is comparison. Now, when I compare myself to people who are farther ahead than me, they're making more money than me, I still get that sting of like, I'm a loser. Now, then I remind myself that what really matters is 2017 was the best year of my life. 2018 is off to an incredible start. I love what I do. I've never been more excited by what I spend my days doing. I love this team with a passion that I can't quite convey. I believe in the mission of this company. And when I remind myself of that, then I'm like, "Why exactly was I comparing myself to somebody else?" That doesn't actually make sense. Like, if I want to go do what they're doing, then I should go do what they're doing, but I shouldn't base my happiness or whether or not I think I'm succeeding based on apples to oranges. So, you need to decide what's important to you, and I highly encourage you to base that on fulfillment. And if you feel unfulfilled, you need to change. You need to pick a new direction. You need to go towards that. That is insanely important. That I can't recommend highly enough to spend the time to really figure that out and go down that path, but that is unique to you. It's going to be different to you. And so, find that thing that gives you more energy than it takes. Find that mission in your life that you believe in, that you'll really give yourself over to. Find something that you would die for and live for it. And then don't make any other external comparisons. So, that is I think that's why I'm guessing you um are really struggling. So, when I see that word successful, even though it is a regular part of my own lexicon, I know that there's so much danger in that word because it all comes down to how you define it. Hopefully that helps. Andrew Kirby. Do you think it is more important to see the world how it really is or twist your reality to align it with your goals? Okay. Hear me when I say you are incapable of seeing the world the way that it really is. Okay. Now, once you know that, and the reason you're incapable of seeing it the way that it really is is because of your brain. So, for instance, the paltry part of the light spectrum that you can actually see, which you consider to be all of the light spectrum, is really I mean, it's like the light spectrum is this, and we see like some ridiculously minuscule section of it. That's everything. That's the your emotional spectrum. That is your perspective on what's possible and not. Like, you're always seeing some narrow little band of it. Because of that, I highly encourage people to decide if if you know you can only see and experience some small tiny piece of what is actually real, then pick the small tiny piece that's going to empower you and move you forward. That doesn't mean that you completely [ __ ] yourself. You need to earn credibility with yourself. That's incredibly important. You have to believe yourself when you tell yourself something, but far better to say, "Things are possible. I can learn. I can do anything I set my mind to as long as it doesn't violate the laws of physics." Like, doing that, believing in those things, which by the way actually are true, and even if there is some outer limit, you can't get as far as you wanted, and your lack of natural ability in some area stops you, when I say that you can still get into the top 1% of everything you've ever wanted to do without natural ability just by outworking people, that is the gospel truth. So, get after it. That's my punchline. All right, guys. We're going to have to wrap it up here. Thank you guys so much for joining me on this episode of AMA. I'm always interested in your questions. You can submit them offline to connected@impacttheory.com. Reminder that today's episode is brought to you by toughen the [ __ ] up, buttercup. You can go to shop.impacttheory.com right now and get yours. Thank you guys so much for joining me. If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And by the way, share this stuff. That's insanely meaningful. If you're wondering how you can help us, subscribing and sharing, man, that is the bee's knees for us. So, thank you guys. If you haven't already yourselves, be sure to subscribe. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care.