Video summary
The video addresses the pervasive issue of overthinking by distinguishing it from a rapid flow of positive affirmations, focusing instead on the cycle of doubt, worry, and catastrophic "what if" scenarios that plague many people. The speaker, drawing from his own early entrepreneurial experiences, explains that negative thoughts often arrive uninvited, much like a relentless bully spitting insults at you. Common attempts to silence these thoughts by pushing them away or using substances like alcohol only exacerbate the problem; just as compressing a spring makes it snap back harder, resisting intrusive thoughts often causes them to return with greater intensity and frequency.
To break this cycle, the core argument presented is that we must shift our relationship with our thoughts from one of resistance to one of compassionate witnessing. Instead of fighting the internal critic or judging ourselves for having negative ideas, the speaker suggests treating these thoughts as a show on a stage where we are merely the audience. By adopting a stance of non-judgmental awareness, you allow thoughts to come and go without engaging with them emotionally. This approach transforms the dynamic from an exhausting internal battle against oneself into a practice of radical acceptance, where you acknowledge the presence of doubt or fear without letting it dictate your reality or steal your attention.
The video concludes by guiding viewers through a simple yet powerful mindfulness exercise designed to cultivate this state of compassionate presence. The practice involves grounding yourself in the present moment by noticing your environment and physical sensations before turning your attention inward to wait for the next thought to emerge. By repeatedly asking, "I wonder what my next thought will be," you create a gap between stimulus and response, allowing you to observe the "thought factory" without becoming entangled in its output. The speaker emphasizes that stopping overthinking is not about eliminating thoughts entirely but rather about slowing down their impact through awareness, compassion, and the simple act of sitting with yourself lovingly, proving that no supplements or extreme physical feats are necessary to regain mental peace.
Read the full video transcript
Hey everyone, Scott here, men's coaching
counselor and neuroscientist, and today
we're talking about overthinking. And
I'm sure you've watched other videos
before about how to stop, and I
appreciate you stopping on this one
because we're going to do a specific
exercise, and it's going to work.
And you will stop overthinking and
thinking altogether.
Okay? So, stay tuned. The first thing I
want to
bring here is a human element though.
Because you could have gone to chat
Gemini, Claude, Perplexity, any AI and
just typed in how to stop overthinking.
I'm guessing you're here because you
want a human element to it.
As someone who's been there, I know what
overthinking is. I've I've started
entrepreneurship when I was 9 years old
and me and my brother starting a a lawn
care cutting company.
All I thought about was work and what to
do and how to do it and plan things out
and the what ifs and the anxieties and
the worries and the doubts.
So, you're here because you
element, okay? And we're going to do
something together to hopefully make you
feel safe and comfortable, okay? So,
the one thing I want to acknowledge here
is that when you say overthinking
though, you're talking about thoughts
that bother you.
Let's be real specific about what you
want to stop. Cuz if you were having
thoughts millions a second and it's just
like, "You're awesome, Scott. Life is so
good. Everybody loves you. Wow, the
weather's beautiful." If you were having
positive thoughts and they were coming
in at rapid speed,
there'd be no problem.
It would be complete bliss all the time.
Your mind would just be complete
positivity. Okay? Now, for sure, it
could get a little overboard and you're
like, "Man, okay, I'm I'm tired of the
compliments, Scott." Okay. But we're
probably not talking about those. You
are concerned about overthinking
when it comes to doubt, when it comes to
worry, when it's about the what ifs,
the should I's, I could have, I should
have, I must have, I must, will I? Lot
of questions, lot of open-ended
scenarios.
Lot of futures, lot of pasts, okay?
Is that where we stand?
Good. Now, what you have to realize is
that the positive thoughts that you have
and the negative thoughts that you have,
they're on the same plane.
It's all thought. So,
I'm an awesome person. Man, they really
liked what I did for them. That report
was awesome. That presentation was
sweet. I nailed it.
Okay, that's one side, positives. Other
one,
they disrespected me. I can't believe I
made that mistake. I'm never good
enough. Nothing I ever do will feel good
enough. Boom, boom, boom.
All on the same plane of consciousness.
It's all thought.
And they're all coming in when we don't
really expect them.
Right? We're not choosing
to have that negative thought. It's like
after the presentation you gave to your
coworkers or whatever, it's not like
you're sitting there being like, "Okay,
I'm going to choose to really think I'm
a piece of [ __ ] right now."
Of course not. So, these things come in
at will, and it's our response to them
that makes all the difference. So,
here's what you might have tried with
the stop overthinking, silencing your
thoughts, is
it's the bully
that has all of the thoughts here and
he's just spitting them at you. You're
worthless. You're nothing. You're ugly.
That's why you're single. That's why
you're going to be alone forever.
And what do you try to do? You try to
push that [ __ ] away. Just get out of
here. Go away. Shut up. And this is
where alcohol can come in and this is
where cannabis can come in because it
removes responsibility, lowers our sense
and our inhibition.
So, you try to push back.
And of course you know, the moment you
push, the harder you push, it comes
running back to you.
It comes spitting back faster than it
was before. Like pushing down a a tight
spring and it comes back and hits us in
the face.
So, there's somewhat of a law where the
harder you push, the more you compress,
it's just going to fire back.
So, we don't want to do that.
What if we could
be an ally, be a witness, be a loving
presence to that bully? Now, I I want
you to think about it in the schoolyard
even.
Someone that you really didn't like,
someone that put you down in the past.
That This can be even a parent. This can
be a brother or sister. Again, someone
at school,
someone at work.
And what's always the thing with
bullies?
Is they want attention.
They want attention, but what kind of
attention?
>> [laughter]
>> They want the visceral reaction from
you. They want either the ultimate
sadness for you to experience dread, for
you to hate yourself. They want to get
that emotional reaction from you.
And one thing a bully, and this part of
your psyche,
does not expect and is so foreign to
them or for to to to to it is a loving
presence of the negative thinking. Whoa.
It takes practice, but hear me out. A
loving presence
of that negative side of you.
An awareness. Not, "Oh, I'm overthinking
again. Why can't I stop? Shut the hell
up." No.
Oh, there you are. I see you.
There I There There I am again, putting
myself down. And you can even go to the
third person as if it's a bully. Oh,
there he comes. Uh-huh, there's the
doubt. Oh,
now I know this game. Now, here the
insults, throwing them at me again.
Mm.
Right? Huge difference. It's the fight
against yourself versus this radical
loving acceptance. Okay? And this is how
you move forward in in relationships, in
faith, in work, because you're so used
to fighting yourself and pushing back
and using that critic, using that bully
as fuel.
And now it's got you tired and it's
causing that spring psh
to decompress and hit you in the face.
So, you're at a point now where, okay,
obviously what I'm doing about this
overthinking thing isn't working.
So, let's try an exercise together.
Uh just just sit normally as you are,
okay?
And just notice your environment, you
know, where are you?
You at work? Are you on the couch?
You're in the car?
Just notice and then feel feel your
body.
And notice the space that your body is
taking up.
Okay?
And now
I want you to pay real close attention
to your mind.
Whatever that means for you.
And ask yourself, I wonder what my next
thought will be.
And wait for it to come.
I wonder what my next thought will be.
And wait for your next thought.
And right when you see it, just I wonder
what my next thought will be.
So,
you may still be waiting for that
thought. You see? You see? Now, maybe
50% of you it didn't work. It one came
right up. I wonder what my next thought
will be. You're fat. You know, it could
have just been that quick. Or for some
of you, for most of you even,
there was an awareness.
You were the witness of the
manufacturing of thought.
Right?
You were witnessing the thought factory
and you were waiting for a next thought
to come out of the assembly line there.
And you were waiting for it
and waiting for it and waiting for it.
In in that acute sense of awareness,
you feel that?
So, you felt your body. You felt, you
know, where your consciousness you
believe it lies. So, a lot of us say
behind the eyes. So, I'm like, you know,
feel your mind a little bit. And then
you become super super aware of the
process.
So, to stop overthinking, it is a matter
of non-judgment and presence.
This is the the uh what would you call
it? Tabloid? The banner for mindfulness
right there. That's it. That's it. Now,
you add awareness
to it with non-judgment
and you add non-judgment with compassion
as we talked about being compassionate
to the bully, being compassionate
towards the thoughts that come.
Because how you talk to yourself,
remember that you're listening.
Remember that quote?
Be careful what you say to yourself
because you're the one listening.
So, you want to The bully's talking to
you? Okay, well, that that's part of
you, too. And then you're going to talk
[ __ ] to the bully? Okay, that's you,
too.
So, the response of
compassionate awareness,
in my experience, is the ultimate key
to
not stop,
but to slow down,
to let thinking not be the big drama,
the big show that it's always been.
The thoughts come out, you know, in your
mind, they come out in G-strings,
thongs, and naked, and they're they just
want all your attention. Like, "Check
this out."
And after years and years, you're like,
"Okay, you're not grabbing my attention
this time. I've seen that story. I've
seen the twerk. I've seen you shake. And
now I want to be here. I want to be in
the moment here." And thoughts, they'll
do anything to capture attention. That
was just one example. And then there's
going to be one full of fear. And
imagine this scenario, Scott. Imagine
the worst case here, right? And imagine
this happened instead of that. And that
hasn't even happened yet, but imagine it
does.
Anything to capture you.
And it's all on this stage.
And you can be a witness to the show.
You got you you By By being born, you
got a ticket. You can go to the show,
and you can watch. You can be the
observer.
Okay? And realizing that whether the
show is a horror or a you know, a
thriller, or if it's porn, you know,
whatever the show is,
it's all on the same stage. And that
stage is that realm of
consciousness of thought.
And that's what we're dealing with.
We're dealing with all of it.
And I want you to try that exercise all
week.
When you are in a state of overthinking,
to take a bit of a step back and just
say, "Okay, I see all of that." And
don't hate yourself for it.
And then ask yourself, "All right, with
all of that thinking being done, I
wonder what my next thought will be
now."
Sit in silence for a moment and wait.
And there's your awareness practice, my
friends. Very simple, but it's a start
for you. And it's the best way I know
how as far as this compassionate
presence and awareness.
This is it.
You don't need to take the supplements.
You don't need to, you know, run a
marathon.
You need to sit with yourself in a
compassionate and loving way.
God bless you.
And we'll see you next time. Bye-bye.