Video summary
In this discussion, Dewayne emphasizes the critical importance of cultivating a kind and accepting relationship with one's inner voice to build self-worth despite life's inevitable failures. He argues that arrogance is merely pride mixed with ignorance, whereas true confidence comes from acknowledging both strengths and weaknesses while still choosing to like oneself. Drawing on a statistic where dogs complete antibiotic courses at 95% compliance compared to humans' roughly 50%, Dewayne illustrates how people often neglect their own needs in favor of caring for others or pets. He posits that self-care is not narcissistic but rather the foundation from which one can genuinely serve others, noting that as people age and gain perspective on life's scars, they naturally develop a humility that prevents them from losing themselves to ego-driven pursuits. Dewayne shares a personal turning point in his late twenties where he realized that despite accumulating status, freedom, and notoriety, he was failing to keep promises to himself regarding daily habits like waking up early or sticking to diets. He uses the analogy of an unreliable friend who consistently shows up late or cancels plans; eventually, one stops trusting them because their word is no longer valid. Similarly, when individuals cannot honor small commitments to themselves—such as resisting the snooze button or maintaining a diet—they erode self-trust and lose respect for their own character. This internal breach of trust leads many to seek escape through alcohol, aggression, or distraction rather than facing the reality that they do not like who they are becoming. To improve this relationship with oneself, Dewayne suggests identifying qualities in people you genuinely admire—such as being understanding, gentle, hardworking, and honest—and consciously incorporating those attributes into your own life. He explains that while certain traits may appeal to us based on our unique wiring or the specific person we are observing, adopting these positive characteristics helps reshape one's identity until it aligns with what is liked about others. This process transforms self-perception by mirroring external virtues back onto oneself, making it a straightforward method for increasing self-acceptance without needing complex psychological interventions. The conversation concludes with Dewayne reflecting on how his business endeavors are now driven by the core desire to preserve himself rather than lose him in the pursuit of monetary gain or fame. He has turned down numerous opportunities because he recognizes that taking them would alter who he is and risk losing the version of himself he finally learned to like after years of grief and pain. This shift represents a delicate balance between being self-serving without becoming egotistical, ensuring that future actions do not compromise his identity or lead to failure due to fear of change. Ultimately, Dewayne asserts that living authentically requires accepting one's flaws while actively choosing kindness toward oneself, creating an internal scale where grace is given freely regardless of imperfections.
Read the full video transcript
how have you learned to have a better
relationship with yourself the voice
inside of your head to be to be kinder
if things go
badly just
smiling I like
me I like
me um I would buy me a
drink I look at me now and I and I see
all the
warts okay I see all the negatives more
than anybody else does I see the
positives and over the whole balance of
stuff I like me and I can give myself
the same Grace if you and I were
friends I can give myself the same Grace
I can give you because I like
me I like me in spite of my
understanding and the reality of my
weaknesses and my warts and my scars and
everything but you know all in all I'm a
pretty good
dude and
uh man you you got to get to that
point outside of arrogance arrogance is
pride mixed with ignorance all right
that that's the definition of arrogance
I'm not talking arrogance I'm talking
about look as a human being I've failed
at this I've succeeded at that I've
wrecked this but I've built that and all
in all you know I've tried and
uh but I like me so I'm going to give me
some
Grace and simple as that I would buy me
a cigar I wonder how many men can say
that not as many as
should wonder how many people can say
that how many people say I like me they
would
give more grace more care more attention
more love to somebody else than
themselves there's a a statistic around
I think on average the likelihood that
you are going to complete a course of an
antibiotics yourself mhm it's about 50%
right the likelihood of your dog
completing it is 95% yeah so we're
literally capable of caring for a pet
right nearly double as well as we can
for ourselves remembering that if you
die no one can look after the pet right
so in an odd roundabout way serving
yourself and serving others from a cup
which overflows around your own right uh
or the sorcer that sits around your cup
is is important uh without and again
this sort of tension between being self-
serving being narcissistic being
egotistical being self-centered yeah but
not meaning that right it's this
delicate balance and this is what comes
with growing up and I think this is
why on siiz fits-all flaming sword
advice seems to die away as people get a
little older yeah you listen to a Joe
Rogan and a lot of what he's saying is
hedged in some regard it's caveated it's
you know it's it's this is what worked
for me right not this is how everybody
should do it right and uh yeah there's a
humility that comes with age right right
because
there's if you turn around and look back
with open eyes at your life you see all
the scars you know I mean you you
can't you
can't the only way you cannot be humble
in old age is when you refuse to look at
the reality of your life up to today I
you know that's the the way because
nobody's skaing through it perfectly but
this is what drives this is what drives
my and it's it's to it sounds ludicrous
in my ears but my business Endeavors
today this is the core of what drives
me okay there is no business out there
that I can take on there is
no monetary Endeavor that I can take on
that is worth the the gamble of me
losing
me it took me years of of a lot of grief
and pain and work to get to be who I am
today in spite of who I was and I don't
want to lose that I don't want to lose
myself in business I don't want to lose
myself in trying to earn a better living
in trying to get a name and trying to do
do this it's like I have turned
down I have turned down so much because
I've looked at it and I've asked
myself who's this going to make me be
who's this going to turn me into even a
little bit it's like it's just not worth
it it's just not it's not worth it and
so I'm right now trying to find the
balance in undertaking something that's
not going to
alter me that I'm not going to lose
myself and then not succeeding at
something because I was too afraid to
try it which has never been an issue
with me before I've never been afraid of
failure before but now I've got
something I don't want to lose and
that's myself that I actually like a me
that I actually
like um I does that make any sense you
100% okay the the person that you have
to spend the most time talking to in
your life is
yourself try not to lose their respect
right right and I
think you know this was a lesson that I
realized toward the end of my 20s where
i' accumulated a lot of success and
status in maybe the way that modern
society tells a young man that he should
with freedom and and notoriety and and
and women and and stuff like that and
that was cool and and like to look back
on fun uh but it was beginning to get to
the stage where I didn't like me all
that much well I had done anything bad
but I just felt like there was I was
built for more I was built for different
built for something else right
and I realized that I wasn't keeping
promises to myself right
that if I said I was going to wake up at
a certain time the snooze button would
be hit three times right if I said that
I was going to stick to my diet or go to
the gym or do this thing maybe it would
happen but it wouldn't happen quite the
way that I'd meant it to and there would
be some negotiating and some cajoling
and some falling
short so imagine that you had a friend
and every time that you invited this
friend out for lunch they showed up an
hour late or they didn't show up at all
after a while you'd stop trusting them
and stop inviting them out at all right
well you are that friend to yourself
yeah you know how can you have faith
that you're going to go and do all of
the things that you want in life when
you can't not hit the snooze button
right or you can't not cheat on your
diet you can't not do you know you are
constructed by the tiny decisions that
you make every single day and even if
you think that nobody else is watching
and even if no one is is this little
ticker in the back of your mind when you
go to bed you know you would you were
gentle with yourself when you got
agitated right good yeah you were kind
with the lady
that looked like she was tired at
Walmart you said something uh peaceful
and and encouraging to her good yeah but
you
did these things right did something
that makes you feel not so proud about
yourself right and you know in some ways
it's a great correcting mechanism
because there is no hiding from it and
right you people turn to alcohol and
distraction and aggression and and
depersonalization in order to deal with
the fact that they don't like themselves
right but ultimately you need to live
with the decisions that you make need to
live with you and right there is this
set of scales inside of your mind that's
just balancing things all the time and
if it you know you know yeah uh people
and people don't know how to like
themselves I mean people don't know how
to like themselves but but it's not
complicated tell me how' you like
yourself find somebody that you like
that you genuinely like and figure out
what it is about them you
like I like that that's something I like
that person is uh they're understanding
they're gentle they're hardworking
they're honest they're this this is this
is what I like about that and
incorporate that stuff into your own
life if that's the stuff you like then
incorporate that stuff into who you are
and then you like yourself
it's not rocket science you know with
BEC there are things there are things
that you like as a person that wouldn't
mean anything to me there are things
that you like in another person that
wouldn't mean anything to me there's
things that I like in another person
just because of how I'm wired and it
wouldn't mean anything to you all right
so that is what I like in a
person so if I work taking on those
attributes it helps me become a person
that I like we'll get back to talking to
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slod wisdom thank you very much for
tuning in if you enjoyed that clip you
will love the full length 2hour long
conversation with Dwayne right here
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