Your Subconscious Mind Is Sabotaging You (Here's How To Rewire It) | Peter Crone

I don't know many humans who don't suffer. They're just trying to avoid a bad future that hasn't happened yet. It's one of the craziest paradoxes of being human is that whilst it's a great survival instrument, it's a horrific way of living a thriving creative life. It wasn't love. It was more attachment, possession, codependency. That's how most relationships get formed. Insecurity too, right? All of it. Leading expert in human potential and performance who has spent decades coaching elite athletes, top executives, and high performers. Please welcome Peter Cone. How hard is it to create amazing love in a relationship with someone else? >> True love is learning to embrace all parts of you, including the part of you that feels unlovable. If I'm fully okay with me, then I can extend that to others. If I'm not, then I'm only going to find fault with those that I meet. You pick up a pen that's got red ink in it, it's going to write in red. Like, it doesn't matter how hard you try. The conditioning of our subconscious will eventually manifest. >> People like most people are suffering in the world today. >> Oh gosh. Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness. Very excited about our guest. We have the inspiring Peter Cone in the house. Good to see you, sir. >> I mean it. It's generally great to be here. This is such a pleasure and yeah, I I just admire who you are and even more so after our little uh Telet We had a whole podcast before this, so now we're going to start recording for real. >> Yeah. >> Everything that you teach people is around how to create less suffering and more freedom. >> Yeah. And I'm curious, um, what do you think is the number one thing then that blocks people from reaching their full potential with freedom in mind? >> Oh gosh, I mean, I feel borderline concerned that I might speak for an hour to that just alone. Um, I think it's part of the joy and the challenge of being human, which is we become misidentified with this sort of identity of ourselves. Like there's this personality that typically gets forged in our childhood. >> We think that we're this, we're not that. Kids are often told don't do this, you're bad, you're wrong, you're right. And so we start to forge this facade and that becomes the very constraint against which we tend to spend the rest of our life trying to overcome or disproving, fixing or pre improving. And um so that to me is the greatest obstacle. Like I literally over the retreat I was telling you a little bit about I said the greatest adversary any human being is ever going to sort of face during the course of their life is their own identity. To me it's the ultimate addiction is the idea of ourselves that um becomes the obstacle to the very essence of who we are beneath that. So that's why one of my catchphrases is I don't solve problems I dissolve them. >> Is the subconscious mind something that develops our identity? >> I would say it's the foundation for it. So these underlying um very similar to like we're obviously in a huge building here and the size of the building has to be commensurate with the size of the foundation or vice versa right like we couldn't uh build the foundations that were set for a 1200 foot home and build this beautiful building that you've got your studio in it wouldn't that they're incompatible right so I think the subconscious creates the foundation for then the personality which is born from that so the genesis of who we thinker we are is really built upon these you know KL Jung would call it more unconscious ideas of ourselves that inform the way that we think feel act and then the commensurate results that come from that >> right I mean you talk about this where you were seven when you lost your mom and then 17 when you lost your dad >> so you were alone essentially without parents without biological parents by 17 >> how did that experience and environment and subconscious programming. >> Yeah. >> Develop your identity at 17. >> Um I mean unfortunately I wasn't aware of it until many years later which is always the case, right? But what I discovered in my first kind of what I thought was a loving relationship as best as I could know at the ripe old age of 28. Um the first person I thought was oh my god she's the one uh was the like a profound sense of fear of loss. So what that looked like in the relationship was the compensation patterns the strategies was do everything I could to as is always the case like I I use quotes as you know say past hurt informs future fear. So my past heart, past hurt of parents dying, no one would begrudge me. You know, that was obviously a very challenging situation to go through. And so the way that I would try to compensate, which is how the brain works, right? It's designed to predict and protect. So it's one of the craziest like paradoxes of being human is that whilst it's a great survival instrument, it's a horrific like way of living a thriving creative life where we can be free. It's more we're looking out for these worst case scenarios or as I tell people that you know they're just trying to avoid a bad future that hasn't happened yet. Right? So I was trying to avoid a bad future of loss. What that looked like in the relationship was I became the perfect boyfriend. >> So it was not just Peter who she adored and loved. She had no issue with me. It was my way of trying to mitigate the hurt that I was still carrying. >> So the perfect boyfriend became Peter Plus. Right. And so um >> over and above everything was it like >> Yeah. I was already loving, kind, generous. I consider myself to be a good dude, you know, like I've never shouted. I've never hit anyone. I've never cheated. Like, you know, on paper, like I check all the boxes, but it was that was insufficient for my identity, which is like I love this person, which of course now I see wasn't love. It was more attachment, possession, codependency. That's how most relationships get formed. That >> insecurity too, right? >> All of it, right? Fear. And so that then created the what I consider to be the best strategy, which is all unconscious, right? It's all survival. The primordial imperative of every mammal is to survive. So I'm trying to survive not realizing what I'm trying to survive is my own feelings of inadequacy that she might leave me. >> Yeah. Wow. >> Which then becomes self-fulfilling. Right. So when people talk about sabotage, it's not inaccurate. But I want people to consider it's not sabotage so much as self-fulfillment. Right? Like you're not sabotaging anything. You're actually fulfilling on your code and your wiring. >> A projection of your program. >> Yeah. So it's like you pick up a pen that's got red ink in it. you know like it's going to it's going to write in red like it doesn't matter how hard you try so likewise with our ryang the conditioning of our subconscious will eventually manifest like people talk about manifestation all day and I'm like I just feel they have no full understanding so yeah so that led to her leaving which was at the time the most painful thing that subsequently became the most powerful thing because about two months after my own demise of you know my suffering and my sadness and my desperation I for whatever bizarre reasons and the way that my karma apparently is scheduled to unfold. I had this sudden epiphany and I was asking these questions incessantly like where is she? Will I see her again? When is she dating someone else? Will I have love like that again? You know and um it was keeping me up at night quite literally because I'm trying to find the answer to the question which is the way that the ego tries to resolve its own fear with certainty which itself is a complete misnomer because life is uncertain. So when I realized um there was no answer to the questions, I guess I got the epiphany of the answer to all the questions in the same time. Where is she? Is she dating someone else? Will I see her again? Will I find? It was all the same answer. I don't know. >> I don't know where she is. I don't know if she's dating. It was just emphatically the truth. And for the first time in my life, I realized not only is the nature of life uncertainty, which is such a conflict for the ego that wants to know, but I was completely at peace with it. I felt a freedom through my body cascade in every cell that I'd never ever experienced. And that started my whole next chapter of my career. And really, I met Yeah. I met some people for dinner. The craziest part without getting too deep down the rabbit hole quantum physics within 15 minutes back then without showing my age, you know, I think I had a cell phone, but everything was predominantly landline. I was sitting at my shitty IKEA desk in a rent control apartment with next to nothing for my name. And the phone rang within 15 minutes of the epiphany, right? And now she calls me. I haven't spoken to her for six weeks. Now she's crying. >> This is like Swingers. Have you seen the movie Swingers? >> No. >> Oh man. Okay. >> I think I have a different interpretation. >> No. No. No. He finally in the movie he finally like lets go of the girl he's obsessed about that they're not together for a year. >> Okay. >> And then she calls him >> and he's like, >> "This is the test." >> Yeah. >> It's like, "Okay, do I go back to the old person or old place?" >> Yeah. or do I now that she's given me everything I want am I ready to move on type thing but when she called you what happened >> a myriad of things went through my mind so quickly just by virtue of the fact that I had stepped into a new dimension right without sounding too poetic >> energetically >> energetically I was a new human being completely and it really spoke to in quantum realms entanglement theory right so what I realized simultaneously like within split seconds all of these different like bubbles just popped where I was like holy [ __ ] life is uncertainty I'm toally at peace with that and even if I'm not it doesn't matter how much I try to work it out and I'm pretty high IQ I'm still not going to know because life is uncertainty right that that's the paradox like we're designed as humans to try and perpetuate our existence survival-based operating system that I talk about >> and yet we live in a paradigm that by virtue of its design you don't know yeah but I want to know yeah but you don't know yeah but I want and this is why people are exhausted right that's fear anxiety and all the things that people struggle with so freedom cascaded through every cell in my body. I felt like I could almost levitate and I actually went to dinner that evening and I didn't feel like I touched the sidewalk. It was a very unique feeling. But to come back to your question, within 15 minutes she calls me now she's crying saying she misses me so much which is all I was desperately craving two months previous right because that little part of me the younger part that wanted her recognition of me and her reassurance of me and you know the little boy. Um and so she did come back for a minute. I mean because it was I loved her. I still do. We were out of touch for probably a decade and then she reached out. She's married, lives in Florida. It's beautiful to be back in touch and reminisce on the things that we both learned. But I I was a different human being. I think she was with me maybe for a month after that. But I literally I talk about it in my work. I jumped timelines. I was in a different frequency. And so what was a predictable future on the same timeline now had become um redundant. Like you know in the yoga sutras there's a beautiful quote. It says you know when there's this sort of moment of enlightenment all future suffering dissolves. So I jumped timelines and a new future that I could never have predicted from the previous one >> became available and it didn't include her. Not at least in a romantic >> sense. Interesting. So you tried it for like a month but you realized oh we're not in alignment anymore or >> not in a bad way like it was before where I was because >> I guess we're never in alignment. You were in attachment, right? It's like you're insecure attachment or something. >> And that's where it's hard for people to hear but I in the retreat that I just did I was telling people most of you are in a relationship but you're not in relationship. Subtle, right? like you're in the form of it. My girlfriend, my boyfriend, my husband, my wife, but you're not actually relating and therefore you don't have a relationship. Most people are solely in the relationship with their own conditioning, which is a way that they survive and they use the other person as a means to way they manipulate that to try and get love and acceptance, which is really the dialogue of a child who's fundamentally wanting to feel safe. >> Yes. >> You know, so I got over all of that. So, I'd say ironically, we were more in a relationship when she came back because I was available and that was the entanglement moment. I wasn't available before because I was living in fear trying to avoid her leaving me even though she loved me. So I was fundamentally in a relationship with my own conditioning which is how most people live which is why relationships are typically the bane of people's existence because they don't have sufficient self acceptance, love and peace to truly be with another human, you know. So a lot happened very quickly. >> And it's so funny because we were talking about relationships for like an hour beforehand. >> Yeah. >> And it it opens up something for me where Early on when I was dating Martha, I remember thinking, "This is the best woman I've ever met. The most spiritually evolved, the healthiest, the most conscious, the most responsible, >> you know, emotionally regulated, like all the things. >> Not not perfect, but willing to continue to work on herself and evolve and willing to take responsibility and and also driven and creative and beautiful and all these things." And I was like, "This is the greatest woman I have ever met." >> Wow. >> And if we're not to meant to be >> Yeah. I'm at peace with that. >> Yeah. >> I don't need to prove, overprove, overextend to try to make something work because that never worked in the past. >> Yeah. >> And I said, if we're not meant to be, we're not in alignment. It's not going to it's okay. Like, there's going to be something else available for me and for her because we just weren't meant to be together. And that's fine. And I think that level of like my my therapists would say like high engagement, low attachment. >> Yeah. beautiful >> gave me a sense of peace. Like I wasn't like, "Oh, whatever. I don't really care about this relationship if it doesn't work out." I was like, "No, I'm fully in and fully engaged." >> Yeah. >> But if you have different values than I do and we're going to be fighting and be in conflict, >> then that's not the best thing, >> you know, and and and I'm going to be okay and safe if it doesn't work out, >> no matter what. >> But I never felt okay or safe if someone didn't love me before or if I could pour into someone and I loved them, but they didn't love me or something. Yeah, >> I always lived in insecurity and fear and try to like make it always work. >> And I think a lot of people do that in relationships. >> I think the majority and that's no slight on anyone. It's just the human predisposition, right? And that's why I just was acknowledging you for a man and the things that you shared and the the choices you made as a leadup and the therapy and all the things that you were committed to to me speaks volumes about the man you became. So I would assert it wasn't that she was the greatest woman she ever met or you ever met. It was really an extension of you were in the greatest relationship you'd ever been in with the self. >> Yeah. But most of us, what did you say? We are in relationships, but we're not in relationship. >> Yeah. We're in a relationship, the form, but not in relationship the frequency. >> Yeah. What does someone need to if someone wants to create the most beautiful love life that they've ever had, what type of relationship do they need to have with themselves first before they can create that in a relationship with someone else? >> Oo, what a beautiful question. I mean, in the simplest terms, it's the most profound capital A acceptance of self, >> right? Love is an all embracing experience. There's no agenda with love. Now, there's different forms. I talk about masculine and feminine. I think feminine is much more unconditional like the child which congrats again on becoming a dad. Like you know as the babies grow and they start to stumble and fall or even fail at school or have their first heartbreak typically mom's the first one that they will go to because that represents unconditional love, right? There's an all pervasive acceptance of whoever you are, whatever you're expressing. I think that's why women are incredible like friends, right? Cuz a girlfriend can just lose it and her friend gets it, you know? And I think this is where men tend to be horrific listeners, right? Because they want to fix it, right? And so after the fact, then you know, you come to the dad maybe as a child and then that's like, okay, well, now you feel held, seen, and heard with the three qualities I say every human being wants. And then the dad can bring in the discipline and the understanding and the analysis of like, well, you know, your girl was riding her bike for the first time. and she's five and she fell off and you know it's got a boo boo and she's bleeding a little bit a little scarf on her knee and mom takes care of it and cleans it up and then she comes to you and you can go back out there and give her the courage and help her understand well the speed and da da you know and all the analytics right so I think in order to get to that place we we kind of have to embody both masculine and feminine right which is to have the part of us that allows all of us and I always say like what better backdrop against what to what to feel love and learn love than the imperfection of our own humanity, right? Like which human doesn't like or love the parts of themselves that they get compliments on or that they know they've got great skin, great hair, great, you know, boobs, great butt, great whatever it is, right? It's like yes, but then they see the cellulite or the crooked nose or the whatever rugby ears with guys I used to grow up with at school and you know it's like that that's the real that's the treasure of where I develop love you know and I say true love is learning to embrace all parts of you including the part of you that feels unlovable. >> That's it right there. >> And that's the precursor to a great relationship because if I'm fully okay with me then I can extend that to others. If I'm not then I'm only going to find fault with those >> that I meet. So if we live in a state of shame, guilt, or not enoughness, how hard is it to create amazing love in a relationship with someone else? >> I don't know if it's how hard. I would just say it's impossible. >> Wow. >> Yeah. Yeah. I would say it's impossible because it wouldn't be real love. It would be compensatory love. It would be >> formative also in a sense, right? >> It's strategic, right? Meaning so if I >> survival love. >> Yes. Which therefore is in love. don't leave me, stay with me, what do I need to do so that you love me or whatever, right? >> Yeah. Which is dependency, which is human. And I have all the compassion, like again, one of my quotes, you can't be held accountable for that which you're oblivious to, which breeds compassion, right? Like so everyone, we could walk outside right now and probably see someone who's smoking a cigarette, right? And >> we could easily as a human being with today's technology, the warning packs from the government that's been on cigarettes for three, four decades, everyone knows that smoking is not great. You know, it's not a wise choice. But if we went over to that person, you know, smoking is bad. You think they don't know that. >> But the shame and guilt that that conversation and that comment would elicit is the precursor to the smoking that they're already doing. And that's why I think I've helped so many people with addictions of whatever kind where they're like, "Oh, I have a drinking problem or I have a cocaine problem." I like, "No, no, you don't." And they're like, "What do you mean?" I say, "You're actually quite masterful at drinking. It's not a problem at all. It's a solution. You're really good at it." Right. >> It's a strategy, right? Yeah. for the deeper problem which is the relationship you have with yourself which is founded in self-hatred or I'm a bad person which creates suffering from which every mammal is trying to escape. We >> create relief and this is your relief from the suffering. >> Exactly. >> Interesting. Do you feel like most people are suffering in the world today? >> Um >> like internal suffering not from their environment or war or like abuse but like internal suffering. I would assert it is the prerogative of every human being who's incarnated into this dimension to suffer. That is the access point to why we're here to liberate ourselves from the constraints with which I assert we arrive. That's a much headier conversation. But yeah, >> I don't know many humans who don't suffer. >> I don't know. >> On a scale of one on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the most extreme, >> one being the least amount, how much suffering do you experience on a day-to-day >> dayto-day? I'd say less than one. Yeah, >> less than one. >> So you have a little bit of suffering >> periodically. And the funny thing is I just shot a documentary the other day and someone was talking about my work and how it brings freedom, love and possibility being the main pillars of my work, right? Which is really without sounding too high flutin. It's sort of awakening enlightenment, right? Where there's this experience of heaven on earth. And she said, you know, your work has touched me and I get stopped as I'm sure you do by so many people nowadays. And like you changed my life, you saved my life. and really meaningful and it's very humbling for me as a kid orphan from a small village in England and she said like your work really has the potential to create this utopian experience for humanity and she said what do you think that would be like for the world you know if we really lived in heaven on earth and I've never had this answer before because I don't think I've had the question posed quite like that but I laughed and I said it almost sounds kind of boring >> there's no challenge I'm like damn it I'm [ __ ] up the whole system I'm giving everyone complete freedom. So no, I I I >> I kind of enjoy it to a certain degree now that of course it's not my sort of main main event of my life whereas before loss, fear, inadequacy is not enough. They were all present >> and now it's become I often say you know these bigger questions of life what's the meaning of life I think is a relatively easy question. It's like whatever your brain is wired to make it mean right we all live in our own universe to some degree. I'm not saying that we don't share the same objective world, but we're always going to see through the lens of what we see. Like we don't look through our eyes, we look through our perspective. And so we see the cognitive bias of how we're wired. Then I say the purpose of life really is to break free from our constraints. Right? It's the ultimate sort of cosmic Houdini. You know, we're trapped in our own straight jackets of our insecurities, inadequacies, and scarcities. And we get the opportunity to break through. That's such the accomplishment like conquering our own hell to step into heaven or as I say heaven is a place on earth you just have to go through hell to get there. >> Then the purpose of life or the no that was the purpose the opportunity of life is then to help bring the same to others. So I feel like I'm very much in the season of my opportunity. >> Support for this podcast is brought to you by Walden University. Ever think what if you could go after what you actually want and really make a difference? You're not alone. For over 50 years, Walden University has helped working adults turn ambition into action. Walden is where students get the W, those big and small wins that move them forward and create the change they want to see in their lives, their careers, and in their communities. With more than 100 online degrees and certificates in fields like nursing, social work, counseling, and psychology, it's never been easier to find a program that matches your goals. And Walden is a partner from your very first class all the way to your career with the tools, the support, and dedicated career coaching you need to win. If you've been waiting for the right moment, this is it. Head to waldenu.edu and take that first step. Walden University set a course for change. Certified to operate by chev kind of three stages. What was the first one >> is the meaning. The meaning is that we we grapple with that, right? Like this is wrong or right beliefs, dogma, dis, you know, the the religious wars that have plagued and killed millions over, you know, asinine. Oh, well, I believe in this god, you believe in the other god, so we'll kill you. You know, it's like >> and then the purpose >> is to break free from the constraints with which we arrive >> to create to create freedom essentially, right? >> To discover our own true nature. Namaste. The divine in me recognizes the divine in you. Awakening, enlightenment, whatever you call it, to realize that I am the kingdom of the lord. The Buddha is who I am at my core. As I talk about this 2.0 world is what I'm bringing. Right. The 2.0 essence of who you are as a soul. Experiencing yourself through the lens of a human. >> Yes. >> So that's where I become misidentified with the human is suffering. Reidentification with the essence of who I am is liberation. >> And then the opportunity is to extend that to others. And I feel that >> that's the season. I think that's kind of where we're both at right now as well. >> Totally. And that's why there's so much sympatico. >> We both went through a lot of hell, man. A lot of suffering. >> Boy, are we enjoying [ __ ] heaven right now. >> It's so nice, man. dip my toe back in hell every now just so I can relate to people. >> Okay. But they don't want to go there. >> Yeah. They want to stay. But >> but a lot of people try to change their life through willpower. It sounds like it's like, okay, I'm going to will myself to changing habits or changing like a positive mindset. But if you are stuck with a a wiring or a subconscious mind or nervous system that is still stuck in a past trauma or past belief or past identity, >> Yeah. Why will willpower not work? >> Beautiful question. I hope I can sum it up quite quickly and succinctly for people. So willpower is an aspect of the ego based in survival. So I make a distinction. I love to just sort of use language to help people unpack things. So willpower is based in the energy of force. Even if you look at anatomically, force physiologically is eventually going to create lactic acid. It's not an efficient energy system, right? >> It's not sustainable. >> Totally. >> It's not renewable. It's not reusable. >> No. You're going to collapse, right? which is what happens when we're coming from ego. You hit your head up against the wall, you go to work in a job you don't love, you're in a relationship and [ __ ] it, right? And then the second one is power. Like I always say like with my athletes, I always which I know you've got a lot of background and I'll ask them to say I'm forceful. And I want them to feel that. How does that come across? If you're competing at whatever your chosen sport is and you're coming from a forceful place, describe that. They're like, I feel tense. I'm pushing hard. I'm not in flow. D I'm trying to make things happen. And then I said, "You're powerful." And they're like, "Wow, I just feel so at peace." Right? So they're the distinctions. But to answer the question directly why it doesn't work is I say you can use force to temporarily override habits. Right? That's all that force is doing. Willpower. You're inspired by someone, you know, you you go to a coach, you talk to a therapist, you watch something on TV, listen hopefully to many of your shows that are inspiring and they're like, you know what, [ __ ] it. This is my month. I'm going to get in shape. Even the beginning of the year, right? the misnomer that January is a time that I should get in shape. I mean, it's all just made up. It's ridiculous. But most people cancel their membership in February. Like, the stats speak for themselves. So, you can use force to temporarily override habit, but you can never violate identity. >> Mhm. >> And when people get that, like that's the self-fulfilling prophecy of your own programming. So how do we shift from the old self, the old identity that has strategically helped us get to where we are? Yeah. >> Helped us survive. These strategies have served us in certain ways to survive to >> get to a certain level. Yeah. >> Then eventually we all figure out that okay that level has limits. >> And so how do we shift an old identity into a new identity if it's not willpower? >> One word, death. Kill the ego. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. It's death. I mean, it's really the ultimate metamorphosis >> without physically dying. >> No. Yeah. >> Well, no, in a way, right? Like, and this is a powerful distinction for people to understand. Death. I love talking about death. Like, I studied much of the eastern philosophies. There's a book called or books called the Upanishads, which is sort of this spoken um distillation over generations, the orators, the gurus that would pass on through spoken word. These different powerful distinctions, right? So, there's a group of books called the Aanishads. And there's one called the Katha K A T HA if anyone wants to read it. And where this little boy goes to talk to the death uh god or the god of death to discover what is this thing and and he talks about the only way to um be free of death is to die to the idea of death itself. >> And so again we get poetic and it's really the eternal nature I would assert is who we are. Form comes and goes. We've been talking for well an hour and a half before which is beautiful and 20 minutes maybe on air but in that period we're not the same physical person cuz millions millions of cells have dying and to the degree that our cells are able to replicate without any kind of comp compensations or compromise >> we stay young. This is the whole world of longevity, right? Like in telmirs and you know real cell replication if you really understand it is without the context of we have an arc of existence. If if that wasn't there with telmirs or whatever is really sort of the trigger switch for us to eventually leave this paradigm then cell replication means you sort of live forever right which is what longevity experts are trying to tap into. Funnily enough that's really what happens to a cancerous cell right it sort of replicates perfectly and then it overtakes. Um, and we can get into that, but I think cells that are in that state are living in a hostile environment. So that's physiologically for me the quintessential expression of survival is a cell that's like, I'm out of here. I got to do my own thing, which is no different than a kid that runs away from home in a hostile environment. So if you look at it physiologically, >> but to come back to death, really what I'm talking about is a death of identity, which is based in linguistics. It's a death of the idea of yourself, or as I say, the only way to stay really alive is to constantly die to previous iterations of yourself. So to overcome identity is >> how do we do that? >> Step one awareness. Carl Jung great quote until you make the unconscious conscious it will drive your life and you'll call it fate. So when it's like oh I knew that would happen. Too good to be true. I knew it wouldn't last. Right? As though it happened to us not realizing our programming is the precursor to the unfolding of the manifest world. So without fault and I said can't be held accountable for that which you're oblivious to. That breeds compassion. It's like oh by virtue of my conditioning I think, feel, act and then create the life that is now what I see on the screen that I'm trying to adjust without realizing the projection room is behind me and the 35 mm screen which is my or the film is my subconscious which is informing the way I see things. So >> based on the programming that I've had for my whole life >> and even prior you know I believe we arrive with these constraints. So it's through awareness. Two main buckets of my awareness. Bring the unconscious conscious and go, "Oh my god, 30 years I thought I wasn't enough cuz my brother was a better athlete. My my sister was a greater academic." And I always noticed that they got the attention. I felt like I was less than. And my less than has informed my compensation patterns or my resignation. And it's fascinating in the ego. I realized started my work as these 10 primal prisons where we're not something. I'm not enough. I'm not loved. I'm not safe. I'm not worthy. Right? When we're not something positive, the compensation is do more of that. If I'm not loved, what am I going to do? Try and become lovable. But there's a shadow side that came into my work maybe a decade ago. Like it was m like I was like, how come I'm talking to thousands of people and some of their conditions seem so much more macabb and dark and destructive. And I realized that there is a statement where I am something negative. So the antithesis of I'm not good enough which would lead to the compensation of the perfectionism, the people pleasing, the hardworking, the guy who's got the corner office and he's a seuite executive but still dabbles with porn or drugs or is on his second marriage and unhappy and has anxiety. The darker side is I am bad and when we are something negative it's self-fulfilling. So we have to bring first of all these codes unconscious conscious then the second step is in is to investigate the validity of that is it a truth and this is the I'd say proprietary part of my work if I cut Lewis open I say is it true that you're not good enough I'm born in Ohio am I going to find a manufacturing label says Lewis born in Ohio I'm not good enough no you kind of scoff of course you're not going to find that okay but it it's a reality >> but it's a belief that we you know I might have believed that for a long time that I'm not lovable or I'm a bad kid or whatever I've Yeah. And that would have informed the choices. Now, you've obviously taken, I would assert, the strategic compensation route, all the success, the joy, the work, the beautiful wife, the kids, you know, what you've created here, which is phenomenal. Right. >> So, but nonetheless, I mean, I now know having spoken to you for 90 minutes before, you've done so much work that you may equally, like me, be sort of on the 0ero to one level of suffering, right? And get occasional blip of >> But for years, it was coming from a place of proving >> Yeah. >> that I'm enough. So let me go accomplish, achieve, succeed, build based on a lack of not feeling good enough. >> Yeah. >> But when I did that for I don't know seven, eight, 10 years and it was still never enough. I was like, then it came to an awareness moment of like, okay, >> it doesn't matter how much money or success or whatever I have, >> I still don't feel good enough. Yeah. And I still have anger, resentment, rage inside of me. Why? >> Beautiful. you know, so >> yeah, >> you the strategy works to accomplish something, but it didn't help me feel >> peace. >> No. >> And I think all we want at the end of the day is to feel >> like we're enough and feel we're lovable and we have peace inside of us. >> Yeah. >> It doesn't mean we're not going to have challenges and things to like overcome, but in our our emotional and psychological and identity level, are we enough? >> No. >> And I never felt that for a long time until I was about 30. >> Yeah. which is a transitional period. We all go through Saturn return without getting into astrology. So I love that you saw that. So that's bringing the unconscious conscious investigating the validity of it or through your own wherewithal meditation realizing wait a minute I'm trying this. It's sort of like the definition of addiction I use. You can never get enough of something that almost works. >> Yeah. >> It's the hungry ghost, right? If you're being informed by I'm not enough and then you develop your patterns of proving harder work, whatever it is, you're actually being informed by something that can't be satiated. That's an addiction. ultimate addiction is the idea of ourel as I tell people. So that's why it's never I can work with I think over 20 billionaires you know and you might think they're successful but they're not to meet true success the new form of success is what you just said peace to be okay with whatever not to be at the effect of life and it's uh reminds me of one of my favorite quotes my one of my first teachers dead but like from his writings um he was often asked how come you're just so at peace you seem totally unaffected by life you know he would do shats and have his ashram and people would come and sit and he would say or his expression was this is my secret. I don't mind what happens. >> Mhm. Whatever happens is going to be >> and that's peace >> and I don't need to be attached to an expectation that I wanted to happen that did or didn't happen or resentful that I didn't get something and someone else did. >> Yeah. >> Why are we so conditioned to react to >> everything? >> Yeah. >> From everything in life. >> Everything. Yeah. and instead of be okay with whatever happens even if it's uh through the lens of a horrendous thing. >> Yeah. >> Um or your interpretation of this is a horrendous or bad thing. >> Yeah. >> Why do so many people react from that space versus have peace with what is? Because that's the opportunity of the game is that, you know, it's one of my favorite quotes that gets shared the most is that life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you're not free. >> Mhm. >> That's why we're here. >> That's so true. >> And that's why, man, >> isn't that powerful? >> So true. >> I mean, >> is there where in your life right now has life revealed where you're not free? >> It's been a minute. I mean, even on the back of the retreat, it's kind of funny like we were talking about this before and I'm always happy to share anything. I'm an open book. I have nothing to hide. And during the course of the retreat, day two, a guy stands up and he shared he said, "I just want to point out who this guy is on stage. I don't think many of you realize like they're all here. They've flown across the world. They spent money that they probably have, you know, grappled to put together and in ways that they're really committed to the work and it means a lot to me. I'm I'm I think you probably experienced this as much as my star has ridden risen. I would say commensurate with that is my humility, right? Like I I've gone the other way. I was probably more cocky when I was insecure. Now I'm like I'm just so flattered when anyone stops me and says thank you. So um I stood on the stage, never spoken to this guy. He's been in my mastermind and uh he said I don't know if you understand. He said I'm in finance. I've done the math. I want you all to realize how much this guy cares cuz he's pouring his heart and soul out, helping you transform lives on stage live, holding space for people who've been abused, hit, sexually assaulted, uh with all the care in the world, and he's losing money on this event. I just started crying. And so I would say there's a component, and I'm sure you can relate to this as a leader, that, you know, I don't I'm not particularly religious. I think that's part of your background. And I love pulling tenants from powerful dogmas and stories and great leaders before us. And I love the expression Jesus said where forgive them Lord they know not what they do. >> And so sometimes I realize I have a gift um that I can't even explain but I'm grateful for. I feel like the luckiest man alive to be able to do what I do. But at times it means that people can't see what I see. You know there's the expression of talent can hit a target no one else can hit. M >> genius can hit a target no one else can see >> and it's >> what's the target you're trying to hit. >> For me there's no it's no more trying for me like I'm hitting a target no one can see. >> That's the gift, right? Like people are like how can you change someone's life so quickly? Someone you've never met. They stand up in a live. They talk about an eating disorder that started with sexual abuse and now they're da da da. >> That's your gift. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. But what I realize is there's still the human part of me which I love is that sometimes for that reason I don't get seen >> in a way that is >> because people can't see it >> right >> I mean they see it >> I appreciate it there's applause like how many people love you millions millions millions and now I'm starting to reach similar numbers >> so you don't feel seen even though you're impacting so many people >> sometimes but but I do feel like so it's a >> when he stood up he saw you >> he saw a part of me that no one else addresses >> because there's an assumption Right. I'm sure you had this now. Maybe early on it was more meaningful where it's like, "Oh, Louis, how he's fine. Like, he's got tons of money and there's this assumption >> he has no problems or whatever." Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. >> And so that really hit me in a way that >> Yeah. >> It's like the little boy came out. >> Yeah. You Yeah. >> Well, for a minute rather than me carrying the world, which is a is an >> it's an honor. It's, you know, to feel charged with the fact that >> I can authentically say I know I can shift the course of humanity. you know, that's not sort of a small project. It's like, oh, that's cute. >> Um, it's like a real calling, but then to see, wow, a man stood up and held me and it obviously moves you. I can see that, right? That's really beautiful. >> Well, it does cuz I, you know, when you went, we were talking for 90 minutes. I think about my wife because you went up and, you know, used the restroom right before we came on here >> and I just checked my text and she texted me and she does beautiful things like this. You know, the thing you said, we all want to be held, seen, and heard. >> Yeah. and she just texted me like, "Thank you so much for the life you've given us." >> And it's like, >> that would that would immediate waterworks. >> I So when I was when you said this about the guy, I just started thinking about that text for a moment and it made me feel emotional. >> Dude, that's beautiful >> cuz I'm like, man, this is essentially what I always wanted in a relationship and never had. >> Yeah. >> And I get this all the time now. And I never take it for granted. >> Yeah. >> I never take, you know, like >> Yeah. and and and maybe people do it in the beginning of a relationship and then but we're five years in now and it's been like it's been a heavy year nine months twins she was in the hospital twice with emergency room after the kids were born ups and downs like life messy stuff you know >> and she still shows up in in showing showing me that I'm held seen and heard >> in a way that works for her and me >> and it's it's such a gift >> and again like you said Not many people do that in my life. Even my mom is kind of like, you know, what do you get the guy who can buy anything for himself? What do you, you know, Lewis doesn't need anything, right? >> No. >> And it's like you said, as leaders, like we're providing for so many people, whether it be intimate families, extended families, friends, communities, like we're constantly giving. >> Yeah. >> And it's a blessing and a gift to be in a position to give to so many people. It's an incredible honor >> and joy. Like >> there's so much good from giving. Yeah. Right. >> Yeah. >> But sometimes, you know, in that position, everyone can just think, "Oh, they've got it all figured out or everything's good or >> they don't need the acknowledgement." But it's just as empower empowering and important to receive it when you're giving so much. >> Yeah. >> As with the person who maybe is just getting started in their career and they need to be, you know, acknowledged as well. So >> I think even more so and it's why you know it might seem strange while I love you you know it's like it reminds me of Paul Rudd and Jason Seagull I think it is I love you man you know like that movie like it's so beautiful you look at the arc of their relationship which they capture so >> and there is that >> you know that camaraderie that I feel like I've I found a brother you know in a way and I just love that that touched you you know cuz it's like I get closer to you you know cuz it's easy for us all to walk around with our ambassador and you know it's like how people show up on a first date and you got your greatest outfit on and you're wearing your favorite cologne or you know [ __ ] that you normally you know you take people home and your house is tidy it's ever been for [ __ ] months you know cuz you're trying to impress and eventually you're going to revert to the old habits which is really more beautiful cuz it's you you know and it's not to say that we don't all have room for improvement in those arenas but like it's authentic right and recently all these studies are talking about the the highest expression of a human experience is way beyond love is authenticity >> and so when I broke down there on stage I I think of course people there adore me. I mean I've got this book that is I mean it's like a tomb of like thousands of polaroids that people have taken at my live events at retreats and they write the most >> I mean what a keepsake. I was flicking through those pages with tears of like where people have come from every corner of the globe. And so there's endless this is not like the the sort of hungry ghost of my own like need for approval. It's not that >> I know I'm loved and revered and I just did a podcast today and this the guy who was um hosting it, he said the sweetest thing. He said, "You know, when I ask people about I said I've got Peter Cron on the show today." He said, "I get one of two responses. Either I [ __ ] love that guy or who's that." >> And I said, "Well, that's a good pull sample, right? It's not like, ah, he's an [ __ ] I hate him." I was like, "I can deal with both of those." She said, "My girlfriend said the sweetest thing um to know Peter Cron is to love him." And it really touched me. and I don't know who that person is. So I think where to come round to your question where I'm still seeing maybe not quite free is with the people that are the most meaningful and why what you just shared touch me because your wife which I'm so happy that you found based on what you kindly shared with previous relationships where we have a lot of synergy. Um for her to see you get you I think is the most priceless uh gift that she can especially a man of your stature. >> Incredible man. >> We don't need much. I mean >> we need a lot but we don't need a lot you know. like we >> I don't need her to buy me anything to do anything for me. Like I'm good, you know, I can take care of myself. >> But if we're fully invested in a relationship, >> yeah, >> if we're fully in relationship with oursel and then we're fully vested in a relationship with another person. Yeah. >> We've committed our lives to them, which is something I've done. >> That's really the only thing I need. You know, it's like honesty, >> loyalty. >> Yeah. shared values and being seen, held and heard. >> Isn't that beautiful? >> That's I don't need you to like do anything extra special or like >> buy me new box of shorts, you know, like no, >> I don't need any hundreds of them. >> So, I think that's where I saw something actually this morning or yesterday which was quite beautiful in that arena which is I'm adored by millions but at the same time it's when it comes to those intimate relationships where you and I so easily step up. We so easily provide. I like somebody in the retreat like dude it's like I'm watching you work with people it's like you're 15 steps ahead >> and it's like it's crazy. It's like even I started to work and I you take a twist that I never saw coming and boom that person flood of tears in awakening and whatever epiphany and release of trauma. So I I realized with my team I put them all up on stage and this is no slight to them because some of them might watch this but I'm acknowledging them for 10 15 minutes. So I go through each of them how much they mean to me >> balling right they're >> and then I realize not one of them you know it's they love me but it's not it doesn't get reciprocated you know there's that little little part of me which I love >> really >> so you acknowledge just one of them up there but then I'll do the same for you >> afterwards or not directly it's more interesting they do so much you're amazing >> there is a lot of that and listen don't get me wrong there's there's >> you know I have my core team and then I have all of these sort of extensions people running different cohorts and yeah all of And there's like women who are in tears and thank you you've changed my life who work for me now and I could never have seen my there's this one woman who came to my first retreat last year. She was the first person I spoke to and she's a mom and she was balling saying you know I almost booked a flight home today. This is the first evening you know she hadn't even attended. She's like because I feel like I'm a horrible a horrible mom because I left my kids >> to be here >> to be in in the States. She was from the UK and now she's running my 2.0 mom program. >> Wow. That's fun. Wow. Cool. And she wrote in the diary that next day she came in and she stood up and she said, you know, after cuz I coached her and helped her see the complete antithesis that she gets to be a better mom by virtue of being here and the guilt she feels for her kids is, you know, there's multiple facets to that. They learned self um reliance, dependence, independence. You know, they get these new skill sets by the absence of you, but you also >> you don't want to be absent for six months, but it's like, okay, a week is okay. Yeah, three days it's fine. And she had actually written in her journal after this revelation, she the next morning sp stood up, took the mic and said, you know, I realized yesterday I changed my life. >> Wow. I said, I changed my life. >> Yeah. Do you think that's worth, you know, you leaving your kids for a few days and now she has I mean, she'd written in that later that day when she had found this new sense of herself. Uh, by next year, I'll be working with Peter Cron. And she showed me yesterday. It was incredible. That's cool. So, I think it's more the intimate circle. I know my team loves and adore me, but what I hear from them is what could be improved, what went wrong, you know, where some behaviors weren't right in whatever happened at the retreat, you know. So, I'm the leader. Of course, they it's their job, but no one turned around. How are you doing? You know, my back was out. I've been standing for hours. My voice is my voice is gone. >> Energetically poured into helping everyone heal and hold the space for days. >> I mean, a guy's eyes [ __ ] colored, you know, changed just because of the profound release of trauma. He stood like three inches. He was like like all the women like ah you know like this real man occurs like just out of nowhere from this little boy energy and I'm like yeah that just happened and then I'm just like oh yeah you know but the pens aren't working and people are worried. I'm like really >> so >> so that's where you're still not free is it wanting to be able to re receive that from people or knowing that you will never res because you're a leader. >> Yeah. The price of leadership is not getting, you know, everyone understanding you and seeing you >> all the time. Like there's incredible rewards for being a leader in your life. >> Endless. >> But there's a price for leadership as well that you won't be understood by everyone. Very few will see and acknowledge it. >> Yeah. >> And give you that. >> Yeah. Um, but what is is it that knowing that hey, I may never get to this the the really seeness that I'm looking for or when it happens it's going to be like wow I just took me six months to finally get someone to say this to me after pouring my life into this. Yeah. >> Like what is that for you? >> I think it's all the above. I think you know meeting you is another form of like inspiration, right? I think we have a myriad of ways that we evolve. I mean there's traditional learning information and then I think there's internal insight like you know an understanding as opposed to an understanding of like intuition insight and then I think there's you know inspiration that is like someone like yourself who you know just love the speed with which we're getting to know each other and to hear and to see you be moved to tears about the text you just kind of shared like >> there's a feeling that I know that's part of my future you know so really I always say the last stages of this sort of evolution of our own personal personality, the hardest qualities to really embody are trust and patience, you know, like to know that there's the unfolding like that that that's coming. And so to see it with you, given the similarities of our our timelines, is that I know there's a woman out there who's going to adore me and all of my imperfections as much as I hold space. It's just to be in the eyes of another and to be seen fully. And I know my team adors me. And you know, one guy who he's one of the mentors, he you know, he said, "Look, >> I've done all my acknowledging. I got like, you know, 20 people I've thanked, you know, plus and the volunteers and, you know, and so he took the mic and he said, "And we just want to say that we're all here just because of you and, you know, you make us feel safe and it's Yeah. And it's beautiful, but it's like >> and I know and listen, I know my team adors me, but there's no like >> exactly where you're at, >> you know. Yeah. And so to answer your question, >> a lot of people don't have the >> the skill >> Exactly. >> I I was going to say ability, but everyone has the ability. A lot of people haven't developed the skill >> Yeah. of seeing holding space for someone emotionally, energetically, spiritually >> because it is probably the most vulnerable thing to do. >> Yeah. >> To put yourself out there and say, "I see you. I acknowledge you." >> Yeah. >> You know, what you just did there was so powerful and profound. Like, thank you for the gift that you are. Most people >> don't have the >> awareness or the skill set >> Yeah. >> to say it because it is scary. And I think at an even more subtle primal level, they're too busy trying to survive. The power of acknowledgement, if you really understand it, it's it's a very generous act. I don't think, you know, for people like yourself and, you know, I work with the best of the best in all walks of life, right? And so I've seen this with my athletes. I've seen this with my VIPs where there's this assumption that they they're just good, right? like as you said earlier and yet there's that still that innocence of a child whether it's unreconciled trauma or just the the fact that we carry that with us you know you don't forget what you went through even if you've transcended it or integrated it and so >> that's where I feel like the the ability to acknowledge speaks volumes about somebody's own work to have transcended their own need for recognition or survival and there's not many people who've gotten to that right and so it's not like a missing it's just it's kind of nice even for me like you know people come to me with all sorts of questions and woes and I and I love that. I feel very privileged that I get to hold space and even people and to serve and people like you know I had a a live event a few months ago and every person who stood up it's predominantly a female audience I think for a number of reasons. I think the the female archetype is a little more evolved. They're more intuitive and they get this work and they want to be the nurturers. They want to understand men are too busy trying to, you know, conquer and survive and they love challenges and they're out in the world and women are more the inner work, right? And but these three women stood up at my live and every single conversation built upon itself in vulnerability. Like the first woman stood up and it was so profound in terms of her talking about not having a cycle for 20 years and how that had you obviously created like so much doubt and judgment and it had stemmed from an eating disorder that she'd developed because she saw once on a TV show these women with eating disorders and they got attention. She thought finally if I stop eating I'll get attention from a mother who didn't see her. But that was even preceded by sexual abuse. And this is heavy stuff in front of an audience. And then another woman shares about relationships and love and you know the devastation of thinking she was in love with someone and then the last woman stood up >> and she said you know um I struggle with orgasms >> you know and this is really having them and it's impacting my relationships because my boyfriends feel inadequate because I can't have a vaginal you know orgasm. and and then she opened up and said, you know, and I think a lot of it's tied to the fact that I have herpes. >> Oh, the shame of that. Yeah. Yeah. >> The shame, the guilt, and really what I unpacked was one of these primal prisons is that there's something wrong with her, right? Like fill in the blank. Anyone listening right now, they're going to have their version. They might not have herpes, but they're a little overweight. They've got cellulite, they got acne, they got >> they're abandoned, they were abused, they were something bullied. >> But the fundamental story that I'm inadequate, there's something wrong with me as a bigger context, right? Right? And then we compensate, hide, prove, disprove. And so, but at the end, this therapist, like a traditional licensed therapist, came up to me and said, "I've never seen anyone hold space for such a big group and for three women share some of the most vulnerable stories, and you did it with such exquisite elegance." She said, "You know, it's inspiring as somebody who has a a practice." And, you know, that was a form of acknowledgement that fills my bucket. You know, it's like a thank you. And so, um, >> someone who knows how hard that is to do, who's like a practitioner as well. >> Yeah. So it does show up and I am open to receiving that and I think it's also incumbent upon us you and I to share vulnerability like when I'm with athletes you and I go back to the statement of we can definitely hit targets that is based in talent but we also hit targets others don't see and I think it's that ability to acknowledge to see to be the 15 steps ahead and for that I'm grateful and the forgive them Lord they know not what they do you know it's even having a chat with our AI friends out there in the world and you know like like what is this I love to dissect you know what what am I missing or what am and he said it's like a concert pianist, you know, who's practiced for 30 years and then he doesn't have anyone who can play music as beautifully for him, you know, and it's like it's it's >> he Yeah. It's like no one could do what he wants them to do >> and it's not their fault. It's just where they're at. And you're going to go through this in the arc of your beautiful journey now as a dad is that you're going to see the potentiality. And I think we both have fallen in that trap of a girlfriend who we saw the potential of, wanted to usher. >> Yeah, that was my wound for 20 years. different and I just kept repeating it in different women. >> Yeah. Yeah. And so to be able to have that humility >> and also I think to some degree to share our needs, right, which you've done a great job it sounds like with Martha and that what do we both want? What do we of course we aligned on with our values, but where can I >> show vulnerability? What I need? You know, I think we become so self-sufficient that it's almost become our downfall, right? The School of Greatness is brought to you in partnership with Airbnb. One of my favorite parts of travel is when a trip gives you a feeling you can't really plan for. You're walking through a new city in the morning. You're grabbing coffee. You're talking to someone local. And suddenly the place feels a little bit more familiar. These are the moments that stay with me. They're the things that I crave. Not just the photos, but the feeling of being somewhere new and still finding meaningful connection. And that's what I love about Airbnb. When you're away having your own adventure, your home doesn't have to just sit empty either. You can share your space on Airbnb and give another traveler a chance to fall in love with your city the way that you fall in love with the places that you visit. And maybe there's a big game coming up. Or maybe people are coming in for a once in a-lifetime concert. They need a place that feels comfortable and inviting. And the income from sharing your home can help pay for your own trips. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.com/host. And early on in my relationship with Martha, I've said this many times here on the show, but I, you know, she asked me a question, the old what are your priorities question, you know, to every woman asks a guy at some point like, hey, what are your priorities in life >> and in this relationship? And I told her, are you sure you want the truth? Because if I tell you the honest truth, >> you're not going to want to be with me or you're going to be upset or you're going to cry or something cuz this is what's happened to me in the past. >> Yeah. >> No woman wanted to hear what I had to say or they were they were hurt by it. >> Yeah. >> Or overwhelmed. >> Overwhelmed by it, right? And she said, you know, then now she got worried. She's like, "What do you mean? What's going to you know, what are is this some dark thing or something?" I go, "No, I've got six dead people in my exactly." >> But I was like, "My, you know, my priorities when I say them to people, it sounds really selfish. >> And I just don't think you're going to be you're you're not going to want to be with me after this. Yeah. So, you know, I was actually getting sad before I said it because I was like, man, this has been a great few months, but I think it's like it's over probably. >> Well, courage. >> And she was like, "No, I want to hear that's, you know, I said, okay, my number one priority uh in our relationship will never be you." And I don't know any woman that doesn't want to hear that wants to hear from the man that they're in a relationship with that they are not number one. >> Yeah. >> And I said, "My number one priority is is going to be always be my health or at least I want it to be my health physically, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically." >> Amazing. >> Uh I want to have great health. >> Yeah. >> To serve my number two priority, which is still not you. >> And no woman doesn't want to be number one or number two. But I said my number two priority at least at this season of my life is my mission. >> What I believe is my purpose, my mission from God or my my calling. >> And that is to impact humanity in the way that I do it. Right. >> And I don't know how long I'm going to be driven to do this. Maybe it's a year, maybe it's 20 years. I don't know. But this is the current mission and calling that I'm on. >> Yeah. >> And if I feel pulled away from my mission, I'm going to be resentful and unhappy. >> Mhm. and I'm not going to be able to give my best to my number three priority, which will be my intimate relationship with you if we're choosing to be together. >> Right? >> And I said, if you can accept that my priority is to make sure I'm healthy as a human being physically, spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, >> that I just give myself time to be healthy. >> Yeah. that if you accept that I'm a driven human being to serve humanity the way that I uniquely do it and you're not trying to pull me away from that, >> then you will feel like the number one priority in my life. You'll feel like number one because I'm going to >> always try to be my best healthy emotionally. I'm going to be present with you. I'm going to give to you abundantly. Yeah. >> When I'm with you, you're going to feel so loved, seen, held, and heard. >> Yeah. >> But if I'm not healthy and I'm not per on purpose, I'm not going to be good to you. >> Yeah. And so, and she go and she was like, "I love it." You know, right away she was like, "I love it because I've never been with a man who who had a purpose." >> Yeah. >> They always made me their purpose. Yeah. >> And I was like, "No, what's the thing you're meant to do in this world?" >> Yeah. >> And she always attracted men who lacked purpose. >> And so it it lined up. I was like, "Okay, as long as you accept that, you know, >> and again, it doesn't mean like you're last on the totem pole, like I'm giving you my life. I'm committing to you. I'm all in." >> Yeah. but just don't pull me away from my mission and let me work out. It's like that's it. >> It's it's so beautiful. And again, you know, I don't want to sound like we're starting some bromance, but like why I'm so glad that we're having this conversation and we've connected in the way that we have. >> Um, but it's rare for me to to listen to another man, you know, and I don't mean that in some sort of superior way where I can be inspired and even go, you know, I'm going to borrow that. But it's also beautiful how it correlates to what I teach which is health, wealth, and relationships. Right. In that order, which is what you've just basically said, right? Like health, mission, wealth, >> wealth in all arenas, like your contribution to society. >> Mhm. >> And then relationships. >> And I would assert the absence of those like if you're not healthy and you're not in your purpose and actually you don't have a partner, you have a mother, right? >> Exactly. >> And so >> or a father or whatever. Yeah. >> Yeah. Um >> and you're dependent on someone else, right? Right. It's like you're codependent, I guess, like on them >> providing for you to survive. >> Yeah. >> No, it's beautiful and I I really appreciate you sharing that and and it gives me great context and hope, you know, not that I was ever lacking it, but it's sort of given my track record and I've had the most beautiful partners. I'm so grateful. But then >> I don't blame any of the people I was with, but I chose partners that needed to feel >> I would they were number one at all times 24/7 >> no matter what any type of breakdown. >> Yeah. >> Even if it was just the littlest thing, I needed to be there. >> Otherwise, I didn't love them. >> If you listen to what you just said, right, if you look at the energy of it, it's quite interesting because especially now as a dad, that really is the experience for the child. >> Mhm. >> Right. Like they stop everything. they are the number one now >> based on what you shared maybe Martha steps in and that's more her role >> but even you if you're in the place and the kid d you >> I'll be there >> boom >> yeah I'm there >> and so that energy if that's the >> they're child >> they're not you know a child in a 30 year old you know body yeah >> they're a child in a 9-month old body >> and so the context the role and responsibility is to serve that child for survival >> but the challenge is most most of us myself included are running on a child wound programming in adult bodies. >> Yeah. >> And we stay stuck in that survival strategy with adult partnerships. >> Yeah. >> But we're both children in a sense. >> Yeah. And this is why I'm so excited. I announced uh with my again the group that I was with, you know, this whole context of 2.0 world, this new entire paradigm for people like, you know, this new operating system that I'm >> sort of channeling and like within that there's all these specialties like there's going to be 2.0 mom, 2.0 dad, 2.0 0 athlete 2.0 leader like what is it to be this new type of human you know and it's just such a joy like the guy I trans helped transform on stage like he literally went from a boy to a man in a split second as he realized there stories he'd been living in that were keeping him scared dependent and basically cut off his mom and he thought he had quotequote by removing which a lot of people do if I remove the person I'll be okay but the wound is within you not there right hatred is a curved blade as Shakespeare said >> hatred is a what >> curved blade Hatred is a curved blade. Yeah. >> Like so we hate someone. It's like saying I I drink the poison hoping it will affect them. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> You know, so >> this is why I was telling you like a beautiful lesson. I'm not saying everyone do this, but a beautiful lesson I learned in a previous relationship was >> I really wanted to leave because it was just getting >> it was just not good. And I really wanted to leave because I was like I just want to have relief. I want to be painfree. I don't want to suffer anymore. >> Right? And my therapist at the time was like, "You can like do whatever you want. You know, this is your life, your journey. I'm not telling you stay or go." >> Yeah. >> But I recommend creating boundaries >> and peace within the relationship within yourself. >> Yeah. >> When there's a reaction from your partner, when there's a breakdown, when there's a silent treatment, whatever the strategy that she's doing, >> you learning to feel safe >> within yourself. >> Yeah. in that environment instead of running away or removing yourself or however you want to call it. >> Yeah. >> And I was so resistant to that because I just wanted relief. >> Yeah. >> I just wanted to get out. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> But I'm so glad I did because I learned how to be peace under chaotic environment. Yeah. Instead of >> stressed and reactive and okay, I need my space and this and this. But no, I'm going to create the space within me. Now, obviously, it's if it gets dangerous, that's a different thing. But if it's just emotionally stressful, >> how can you stay in peace? Now, if someone's watching or listening and there's some domestic stuff like get out of there, but >> yeah, for sure. >> It was more of an emotional psychological response that I was living in fear. >> Yeah, it's so powerful. It reminds me like really when I started my journey, it it's it brings a smile to my face because of what transpired, which I'll share. But I was, you know, sitting in a yoga studio with 20 people that I was talking to versus thousands now in an auditorium and I think some of them probably showed up thinking they had a yoga class and they weren't even coming to listen to me. But uh I was talking about relationships and I made a very similar distinction to your obviously very wise therapist. I said the only time to really break up a relationship powerfully is when you're both happy with each other. >> Yeah. Or at peace in it. I guess either one. Yeah. Yeah, >> I still wasn't happy with her. >> Bedfellows is more accurate. I I was still early in my career, so I chose different words. >> Yes. >> As I shared that, I was sort of halfway through and my my friend who was in town from New York, it was here in LA, she walked out about 5 minutes earlier after I'd said that, you know, and she had come to support and I was like, where where's she going? Anyway, I carried on and then she called me like an hour or so after I'd finished. She said, you know, I felt so bad leaving, but she said what you said touched me so much that I was in a relationship and at that moment we were in a good place together, but I knew it wasn't the relationship. So, I wanted to take the opportunity to be with them in a place of peace and say, "I love you. I thank you, but I'm moving on." >> Wow. >> And it was so beautiful. So, otherwise, yeah, we tend to drag those patterns into the next, you know, wherever you are, they wherever you go, there you are, you know. >> Yeah. and they may not respond with peace. You know, if you're ending a relationship, most people are not going to be aware or conscious enough to be like, "Okay, I love you. Thank you so much. You have a great life, too." >> You know, >> no, sadly doesn't typically work that way. But for your evolution, you know, >> I think it's important >> and and again, I always come to these quotes that come through me. I say true security is the absence of the need for external security. >> Yeah, it's true. >> And that's peace, right? Like I don't need circumstances to be a certain way in order for me to be okay. But that takes a very advanced state of mind that I'm not at the effect of life anymore. And >> it's accepting whatever will be afterwards. Like it's learning to accept like you may not enjoy it, but accepting this is how they're going to react or respond or >> whatever. You know, >> this is my secret. I don't mind what happens. >> And I I created an addition to that, you know, just you know, Krishna Merti is a legend. But, you know, that was really for me it gave me this sense of freedom from I play with freedom obviously a lot. I say freedom from is you know sort of this monastic kind of view of life where I'm not at the effect I'm at peace no matter what and that's powerful I mean relative to most people reaction as you said it's all reaction reaction reaction someone cuts you up in traffic you're like you and all the you know it's just unconscious reaction is what I call it but then I was like okay that's beautiful I can get freedom from which is I don't mind what happens I'm at peace can I can I be with this whatever is unfolding that's an advanced state but for me I think in my journey now with some the questions you were asking earlier of where am I discovering excuse me where I'm not free it's like freedom with which is freedom with life to have purpose and as a masculine like to have direction right to have acceptance removes suffering but to have a sense of commitment gives direction and so that's really what I'm playing now with the masculine you know >> do you feel like you're not clear then or something or of like >> No for sure I was I was Mr. chill. Like nothing really phased me. Even with girlfriends who got really upset, I would listen compassionately, which itself was a problem for them because I didn't show any reaction. They'd much rather they wanted the reaction. >> Yeah. They wanted me to get pissed off and I like I would just understand. I get it. I'd want to work on it and you know, >> but then I was making the joke that's kind of like talking to somebody who's customer service at British Airways. We're sorry you had a bad flight. You know, it's like that's not going to work with a partner. >> So that was an evolution for me. But now it's like direction you know holding having a real sense of >> commitment towards something is real leadership you know >> even in the face of adversity and I'd say adversity is part of that right the things that we've been through >> you know if there aren't any challenges I often joke I take one of my great athletes into a gym and I give him two one pound dumbbells I'm like let's pump out 10 is like what do you get from that like nothing you know >> so it's really the adversity that creates the man you know even though a lot of men try to do everything they can to >> mitigate hate suffering or adversity. It's like no, dive right in. You know, >> yes, you you spoke about manifestation for a second earlier about most people don't understand manifestation or they're doing it wrong. Yeah. >> What is manifestation and what's the right way to do it? >> Um, great question. So, I would say manifestation is a word that's attributed to something that the ego thinks it's incumbent upon itself to do, right? And that's really where the ego comes from, right? It's like okay I am going to manifest. But to your great question earlier about how do we overcome these deep ingrained programs and conditionings we can't do it through willpower. I'd say for that reason manifestation has become a bed fellow with willpower right I'm going to manifest my dream partner the dream home the yacht the d so really if we look at the mechanics of it like not being a spiritual teacher but a physicist your conditioning if we look at the chain of creation of like the genesis of anything I would assert that there's consciousness to begin with and there's subconscious constraints that lead to our conscious thinking built in with our limiting beliefs that create our emotional body our actions and our outcome that is the chain of manifestation Where most people get stuck is we see experts, teachers like do this, don't do that. We're in the realm of action, which is so far downstream. It's like stage five, right? Like, you know, you can with willpower. Okay, the doctor told me this, don't do that. Stop eating in-n-out burgers or what are people doing? I'll bring my cholesterol level down. But you're never actually going to be able to sustain that because you can't violate identity, which is way upstream with your subconscious >> or you'll always fall back into your programming. >> Have to, right? You can't fall back. You might be able to get a result, but then eventually back into fall in love. You got all of this new enthusiasm for life. You're like, "This is the time or this is the new year and I'm going to get it." Whatever it is, we get these momentary glimpses of greatness, you know, and it's like, but it can't be sustained because the wiring is like, "Yeah, that's cute, but wait till we can." So, manifestation is really understanding that chain. I look at the three arenas of time, space, and identity, right? So, if manifestation is, it's usually something outside of us. I want to manifest. Fill in the blank. It's always based in time because wanting as an energetic creates time, right? Wanting is a future-based proposition. We don't have. If we want, we don't have. >> And is it is it coming now? Is it coming in a year, 10 years? Like when will it come to me? >> Yeah. Either way, it's it's in the future, right? It's not here. >> It's something we lack in the moment. >> And it's always that to me is one of the predominant prisons that I talk about, which is our relationship to the present moment, which is the lens of this isn't it, right? That that's a default factory settings there. >> What we have now isn't >> it isn't it? But I'm getting there. I'm getting there. I'm working really hard. I've got the subscribe to this new magazine that's going to help me to whatever. You know, >> lose 5 lbs. Yeah. >> Men's health, six pack abs, how to get them three decades of telling you and you still don't have them, you know. Um so they're the three arenas where there's this Mona misnome. It's outside of me. Uh it's based in time, right? It's going to take a while and it's incumbent upon me. So they're the big >> I have to do something. >> But the doing if we look at the cascade subconscious beliefs, feelings, actions, do something outcomes, right? It's way too late. So true manifestation is really the revelatory process of understanding your wiring that you are doing nothing but manifesting all day. That's it. You all you do as a human is manifest. So it's not like I'm manifesting because of my wiring and then I big sort of ego am going to manifest on top of the manifestation that's happening automat. So that's where people are like oh my god. So manifestation isn't outside of us. It's a frequency that we adopt and we realize like frequency precedes form as I tell people like in the quantum we're bringing that which is unmanifest through the chain of creation into the manifest. So manifestation is really that which is based in the way that we're currently wired. So if you want to manifest, you shift your wiring which leads automatically to different conscious thoughts, different feelings, different actions, and different outcomes. It's not based in time. It's instantaneous. It's a shift like the guy this was >> it happens instantaneously. It might take you time to realize that shift. >> Yes. But that's because the external world is way more dense, right? Like that's where I used to transform bodies which was fun. It's easy. I study human biology, exercise physiology. I understand all of the energy cycles. Da da da. I know background in Pilates, yoga, all of it, whatever. >> Calories in, calories out. >> But it takes the time. It takes time. I did a live event previous last week prior to my retreat and this woman it's it's always touching but she was talking um about some of the things she was struggling with in her business and coaching d and also relationships and she thought the problem was that she has lime right and I said well when when did that happen what do you think h and she said well I remember that 13 years ago um I think it came on because of a choice I made that I haven't forgiven myself for. And and she openly shared which was courageous of her and she had had an abortion. Um she was very young. It was a scary time. We didn't need to get into the details. And she said for that reason she thinks she's a baby killer. Wow. 13 years later she's still living in that energy. And so she thinks that lime came on. And I kind of talked about the energetics of a compromised system that's lost its integrity, a hostile environment, which is easy for outside forces, whatever they might be, whether you're sick, a disease, a virus >> to attack you. You've lost. It's like the building here. If there was a weak spot in the structure, that's where it's going to fall, right? >> And so we talked about it. There's tears, you know, asking her to see was she bad because of her choice, like is, you know, cutting you open. Is this the really your identity or is that just how you feel about yourself? She got relief and I said, 'What would become available for you if you didn't carry guilt and shame? If you could be okay with profound acceptance and what I typically want and what I'm looking for is relief, freedom, peace, that I could love myself. And she said, I I would be someone that a partner could accept, >> right? Which showed me another side of where she's stuck, right? That she with her world, if she's bad, why would anyone love her, right? >> Yeah. >> But I said, "Oh, interesting." I said, "Well, okay, I'm not denying that. We'll get to that. But like, let's just stay with you right now. If you could get over the idea that you're a bad person because of what you did, and there's a much powerful more distinction about embracing our history." Like I explain to people, all of your problems are because of memories, right? If you have no memory, you have no problem because you're not being informed by anything. >> Your memory, your memory is the artifact of your programming, >> which only sustains your identity. We get to be right. The the other quote I say like being right is a poor man's version of selfworth, right? One of my golfers, I'll come back to her, but like you know I triple his helped triple his winnings in two seasons, which is significant, right? Because he found freedom. But he hadn't had a win. He'd gotten top top five, seconds, thirds, making 3.6 million compared to 900,000. It was significant. >> And he said, you know, why why haven't I won yet? And he said, why don't you caddyy for me and you can see what's happening on the inside the ropes, which you caddy for? >> It wasn't on the PJ tour. You cattied for him for one whole weekend. >> One one whole tournament. >> Four days. >> Yeah. >> Wow. When was this? >> Oh, this is way back when uh this was probably 15 years ago. >> Okay. Cool. >> When I started a lot of athletes. >> Wow. >> So, it was significant, right? And then I was getting a lot of athletes became I got on a contract with a major league baseball team. And >> what did you realize then when you're the whole weekend while catting with him? >> So, that comes back to the point and the girl on the self-fulfilling prophecy is he'd hit the green. I don't know if you're a golfer and I don't want to bore your audience if they don't play golf, but you know, it was a par four, he'd hit the green and two, but he had a long part, 50 foot, right? >> To try to hit a birdie. Yeah. >> Yeah. Which is ideal. You want to make the one stats of that over 50 foot, you know, it's like 1% whatever. But unless at least makes two, we move on and make a par. But he, as I handed him part, he said, "Watch me three putt this." >> Oh man, he's already he's already projecting the result he's going to get. >> And the reason that was happening is not him. It's conditioning. It's automatic. He didn't choose that consciously. It's an unconscious reaction to a survival instinct of the fear of making a mistake which is embarrassing to a professional. >> But three put if he says watch me three putt. If he three putts it he's right and he's safe. >> Hence the poor man's version of selfworth. >> Yeah. Yeah. Even though he's bogeying which he's mean >> which you actually don't want from your heart but you do want from your ego to be right. So you mitigate shame. That's how insidious it is. Isn't that crazy? So anyway, coming back to the woman, which was beautiful. So she said, you know, at least I would be someone that could have a partner, which showed how she felt she didn't deserve that. So anyway, I I picked up on that and said, okay, let's get to that. But really, like if you realize truly there was nothing wrong with you. You've never done anything wrong. I'm not again I'm not mitigating consequence, right? Like people do stuff. I I borrowed my dad's car when I was 15 cuz he started to teach me. He was at work one day and I thought, you know, I'm just going to back it out of the garage cuz it'll be fun. That's what a 15-year-old does. And I knocked down the [ __ ] garden wall. Right. Right. That's consequence. Consequence after that. >> And I had to, you know, mow the lawn, wash the car, make the money to build it. Right. Then I learned responsibility. Was it bad? No. It's exactly what a 15-year-old who's excited to learn to drive should do, right? Like, you know, your girls at some point are going to be screaming scribbling on the walls, you know, and you seem like a very >> Don't project that. Don't program that. >> And and it's just, you know, that's what we do at different. So she got to the place of self- loveve and acceptance and I think one of my more popular quotes that say what happened happened couldn't have happened any other way because it didn't and it's a way to really find profound acceptance for all of our behaviors not withstanding that consequences can hurt people and we want to be responsible so she got to that and then I said about the partnership can you now see that yes I understand that if you have self- loveve which we talked about earlier is the precursor to really having a profound relationship she's like amazing da da da she feels great tears laughter relief everyone claps Great, we move on, right? And I start talking to someone else and there's probably another hour of conversation. At some point, she's obviously gotten up. She's gone to the bathroom, whatever. And so, we're done. We wrap. Thank you. Coming. Da da da. Everyone's happy. We move on. And there's ton of people that wait, selfies. They want to say thank you. It was beautiful. And she was in line. She came up to me and I [ __ ] you not. She said, you know, about 10 minutes after we spoke, I had to go to the bathroom. >> And she said, when I came out of that, >> the herpes went away. >> Huh? >> The herpes went away. >> That was a different girl. Oh, there we go. This the abortion woman. Yeah, I'm sorry. I' I've seen some [ __ ] miracles. That >> could happen though. >> That That can I literally I am mad enough. I said to her cuz she's living in the world. There's something wrong with me. You understood the energy, right? Like this girl thinks she's bad. Therefore, she's open to outside entities, right? And I said to the girl, if you really get that there's nothing wrong with you even having the energy of in this case herpes, herpes has got nowhere to live anymore and so it will leave your body. The frequency changes the timelines that I talk about. A future that wasn't previously available to you becomes available because you've shifted frequencies, right? >> No, that's go ahead. >> So her herpes is gone because she's never had it. But >> yeah, >> but her lime was still there. But no, she with lime. Yeah, >> this is the one with the lime. You're doing great tracking. It's unbelievable. So, she comes out and she comes to me and she said, "I came out of the bathroom and a guy asked for my number." >> Wow. >> So, the instantaneous now I don't know that they're going to get married forever. But that she had shifted frequencies attractive to someone else, too. Yeah. >> She was available. If you're in the world of I'm bad, you're you're just not available, right? >> Your energy is pushing away. >> Yeah. You're in a relationship with your own conditioning, which means you can't actually be going back to in a relationship and not in relationship. So, that stuff happens quickly. That's manifestation. That's shifting timelines where you adopt. It's like a radio. I love that analogy. It's very simple for people to follow. You know, if it's 105.7 FM is classic rock or whatever and you want R&B, you you have to change frequency. You know that the information, the intel is everywhere. We're surrounded by data. But depending on what you're tuned into will be the precursor to what you manifest. And so, >> when you get that, it's >> but you need to shift the identity, the belief around your identity first. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> So, if you're if anyone watching or listening right now has some type of negative belief >> that is connected to their identity, current state. >> Yeah. >> They have a memory from the past >> that made them believe that they are bad and wrong. >> Yeah. >> Whatever it might be, abuse, abandonment, they cheated, they did something wrong, someone did something wrong to them and they believed they are not lovable, they are bad, they are wrong, they're not enough. And they've held on to that for 10, 20, 30 years. >> Yeah. How would you coach someone watching or listening right now, no matter what the belief is around I'm not enough? >> Yeah. >> I'm not lovable. I'm not worthy. How would you speak to them? No matter what the story is on how to uncover that that's not true when they've been their whole life they've said, "This is true. This is my identity. This is who I am." >> Yeah. How do they pull back the curtain and realize that they can shift into a new identity that is lovable and enough? >> Yeah, beautiful question and it really I think speaks volumes about you the host the man you know who's so committed to helping people and even at the beginning when you asked me you know what would what would be the byproduct of what would make this a powerful conversation and maybe this is that moment where we can in my response to you is that we we really help nudge the needle from suffering to freedom for millions of people. though it's slippery. It's not impossible. But not many people are walking around thinking they're not enough. It's different thoughts of I won't get the promotion. I'm not lovable. I'm not going to find someone. I'm not going to get the success that my parents wish I had or you know it's sort of a it's typically a subtle step away. But if people >> guys always leave me or I always choose the bad guy or why you know whatever it might be. >> Yeah. So we need to do a little subtle reverse engineering. So whatever the circumstances are people dealing with as I said health, wealth and relationships are the big three buckets. Whatever it is that you're dealing with as best as you can sit quietly look at what must be the underlying fear and it's usually a negation. Like so someone broke up with you what does that mean? Like they broke up inherently no suffering. The story that's associated with it is you know I'm not attractive enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable. I'm not funny enough. I'm not successful enough. Something I'm not right. The darker side is I'm horrible person. I am trash or whatever. So try and find that. If you could write it down, that would help, right? To get it out of our head. >> That belief that you have the interpretation around it. >> Yeah. And the way I phrase it, it's not so much a belief. Beliefs belong to the you that you are for yourself is the way I phrase it. It's it's not something you believe. It's the you that you are that has that belief. That's the subconscious foundation of the building. We see the building. You see your conscious thoughts of, well, nothing good's ever happening to me. I knew it was too good to be true. those statements belong to the deeper you which is I'm a loser no one loves me right and that will go that will be associated with something from their childhood if you can locate that even more powerful well like I said earlier my brother was always the better athlete my sister was the better academic so I've always felt like I was less than I'm the black sheep blah blah d whatever the story so we're looking for that piece of code the programming so if you can find that next step is now we want to investigate the validity of that statement the way I do it my sort of proprietary method if I cut you open. Tom, Danielle, Sally, Bill, whoever's listening, am I going to find a physical manufacturing label that says, in your case, Lewis, born in Ohio, I'm not good enough. Now, sit with it, right? Like really, it's important to see the physical. No, we're going to find bone and tissue and blood. We're not going to find a label that says, you're a loser, you're not loved. >> No. >> Okay, great. So, it's not part of your hardware. That's a distinction. Where does it live? Well, it's in my head. It's what I've thought. It's what I believe. It's what my parents said. Like how many kids? It so breaks my heart. Oh, you were a mistake or your father wanted a boy and it was a girl. You know, that's a lot of the trans stuff where somebody's trying to become somebody different and you know, like stuff like that or or not even that where people are cutting themselves. They abuse themselves because they think that who they are is wrong, a mistake, like very heavy stuff, right? Fundamentally trying to get out of their own state. >> So it's in their mind or is it more in their nervous system? >> Both. So not mind nervous system one and the same thing, right? Brain being the biggest extension of that. Now, this is a powerful distinction. I don't want to overwhelm people. This is the brain. When I say, "Where's your mind?" Most people go, "Here." No, that's the brain. The mind is something around us. It's a world we live in. So, just like we're in this building, it's obviously a beautiful building. But if it had mold in the drywall, we're at the effect of that mold cuz we live inside of it, right? And to depend on your constitution. If you're built like an ox, you'll get away with it. If you're very sensitive and you have a respiratory like compromise in your genes, it's going to impact you more. But if you walk around 24/7 which everyone does in their state of mind and your state of mind at the deepest level is which it is cuz you're human I'm not something then you are to whatever degree acquiescing to that destructing yourself >> manifesting in that from that state of >> hence you see that's the manifestation chain so we want to discover that it's not part of your hardware it's not a label but it is the mind and the world that you live in which is this fundamental what I call 1.0 know um operating system >> and it's not a belief. >> No, it's before the belief. It's an identity. It's an identity. >> So identity is first. >> Identity has beliefs. You that you are >> tied to the identity. Yeah. Yeah. >> Correct. They're synonymous. They're extensions downstream. >> Then the beliefs become the thoughts that create the emotions that create the actions that create the outcomes. That's the cascade. >> So >> but it's first thing is identity. Anything before that? >> Consciousness. >> Consciousness. Then your individual identity. >> Yeah. then your beliefs. >> Yeah. >> Then your thoughts, feelings, emotions, actions or behaviors. And then >> people just get that change their life. So when we see an expert, a specialist, you know, and again there's amazing people out there want to help. Typically they f they they traffic in the domain of action and behavior. Do this, don't do that. Oh, okay. You know, you got high cholesterol, so you have to do this. Like high cholesterol will have all sorts of energetic connotations to the way that people are holding on to something because they've got trauma that they haven't accepted or released. And so there's a emotional component, right? Like you know the the whole sickness psychosmatics. It's a big thing. They're autoimmune that people throw in the alipathic world as a label on top of really it's you attacking yourself. Like I said the hostile environment that most people live in which is the world of self- betrayal and self-abandonment and I'm a bad person, right? inadequacy, insecurity, and scarcity. >> That's informing physiology more than anything, right? We live in a toxic world. We're all going to get bombarded with all the [ __ ] in the sky and the soil and the water and blah blah blah. >> But you can shift that by how you interpret and how you defend yourself, I guess. >> Yeah. And just being at in a state of harmony with life. Like I always say, I have an intimate relationship with reality. I'm not fighting reality, which puts me in sympathetic mode. I can't digest food. You don't sleep. All of that inflammation, right? Resistance. So anyway, so now if they could if they can isolate that, if you can find the knot or even heavier the I am something negative. I'm bad, I'm a loser, I'm worthless, but typically it's I'm not this, I'm not, you know, attractive enough, I'm not young enough, I'm not successful enough, I'm not smart, I'm not loved, I'm not wanted. >> The big one is really I'm not going to be okay. That's the fear of a future that hasn't transpired yet. Right? So then we look at that and then we want to ask the question, is it a truth, an absolute truth, undeniable that you're not good enough? regardless of evidence. Yeah. Well, this and this and my dad said this and my dad I don't care about the reasons or justification. Is it an actual truth? Appeal to your own intuition and your intell is it that who you are as a being is not good enough or is that something you've adopted with all the justifications from childhood? >> Yeah. Or just something you believe, right? Yeah. >> And the belief is really thoughts over time, right? is the accumulation that has become now and >> the evidence the evidence that you've compiled and said see look at those evidences of why >> and why it's so insidious is because once we start to accumulate you know when I work with teams especially when I was working with the major league guys and still work with a couple of players here and there managers owners you know CEOs would always like what what is what's going on when we have winning streaks and losing streaks and I say winning streaks a the absence in winning streaks is accumulation in Iveda which is a healing science of you know yoga like Chinese medicine there's six stages of disease and stage one is accumulation where we start to build up an imbalance so as someone committed to your health you might find that fascinating where you're more a fire type fire and earth so if you have too much heat alcohol stress spicy foods that you start to feel the symptoms which is aggravation is second stage little acid reflux belching you know can't sleep at night and >> a little bit of loose stools or maybe your skin starts to break out and as it starts to spread through the system, right? But then emotionally, if you recognize the accumulation over time of evidence is what eventually creates the personality, right? So I but it's self-fulfilling because the lack, >> the insecurity, the inadequacy creates the thoughts, feelings, emotions, da da da, which then you get the outcome that's like, see, I told you I was a loser. >> Yeah. >> Right. >> So now it builds upon itself. >> And as Dr. Joe Despensza says, your personality is your personal reality. >> Exactly. And then your personal reality reinforces your personality. Mhm. >> So to break that cycle takes a, you know, discernment. It takes like a a serious amount of commitment to like wanting to break free, which is why I said again, there's no greater adversity that or challenge you'll ever face than your own identity. It's the ultimate addiction. So now that hopefully somebody has written down, I have believed that I'm not enough for years or that I felt that I wasn't wanted because I was adopted or my parents said I was a mistake or that I feel like I'm not worthy because you know I was mocked or I was in a school of different authenticity and I was bullied or you know so I don't fit in I don't belong like it can be the do not like I do not belong right if we can find that now we want to investigate the validity which is a fancy way of saying is it like really true that you don't belong and here's the answer the catchphrase it's never true rate it's always no >> it's the way that you've identified right so now the next question is okay double negation I'm not not good enough who could I be in the absence of the constraint is the next step so if that's gone you're not a loser you're not not loved you're not not wanted the dissolution process who could you be that's when the breathing patterns change tension comes down if we were measuring metrics which hopefully one day I will in a show or something you'll see the heart rate drop, the blood pressure drop instantaneously, not cuz you're on a beta blocker, but because you shifted from an energy of hostility to one of love and acceptance. Um, then it's like, wow, oh my god, I could what becomes available? I I could be every I don't have anything to prove. I could be anyone. I And that then takes practice. So awareness, unconscious conscious, we negate the constraint that we've been living in somewhat obliviously for decades. We see it's not true. We now tap into the what I call the 2.0 no operating system which is the inherent qualities of the soul that you are. You start to live from love, not trying to get it. You start to live from worth as opposed to trying to justify it. You start to live from power versus trying to force you the way in life. >> And so that's that's the shift >> and that's a different world. >> Yeah, it is a different world. And it can come in an instant once you unlock the realization. >> Mhm. but could also go fall back in an instant to an old identity that you've held on to for 30, 40, 50 years >> for sure. >> So, how does someone stay in a new identity? Is there an integration phase? How long does it usually take to stay in a true new identity versus going to the old self? >> Yeah, for sure. And this is why, you know, I don't know how many people seen The Matrix. I'm sure you have, but there's a great line in there where we say, "We don't free a mind after a certain age." Because the degree to which somebody has lived in this evidence with the self feedback loops of like I told you so >> so hard so hard >> it becomes actually uh sort of like this you know um what do they call it like during the whole co like this cognitive dissonance right like it just doesn't even make sense I can't believe that there's nothing wrong with me cuz that's all I've known. It's like in Shaw Shm Redemption, the old guy Brooks, you know, when he's left out, he's been in prison for 60 years or something and he goes to work in the grocery store and he's like, "Please, sir, can I use your bath?" >> So conditioned that he doesn't even have any sovereignty or independence. So, but it depends on a couple of things. The severity of the suffering that's precursor to it, right? Like if someone like when I held this man on stage who was I think 36 and so he'd been estranged from his mom through his own choice. According to him, it was really a reaction to the fear that he's trying to avoid for seven years, not talking to her. When he really got that he's been living in the world of it's all my fault for two plus decades, >> the tears like I got up to hold him cuz he was sobbing. And literally everyone could see his body convulsed like a baby who's just weeping. >> And so in that moment, the shift was sufficient that his whole physiology changed. As I said, I know it sounds a little bit >> he released it all. Yeah, he released it. >> I would say there probably still some, you know, like it can be really profound. Like, you know, it's like it's a crass example, but like if you're driving on the road on a road trip, you haven't used the restroom for a while and the next rest stop isn't for 15 miles, you know, it's like the relief from the degree of suffering previous has commensurate relief. So that's one part if the >> if the >> awakening or the unconscious conscious process is so profound because of the previous form of suffering then the ability to integrate is way more powerful. >> You may never go back cuz now you see >> it's like you can't unsee. Now you can never unsee. You'll have that moment. But if it's a little bit more benign or it doesn't have the same degree of trauma and it always has to be some sort of sematic release like because it is part of the body. It's not enough to just intellectualize these things. Whenever I'm working with someone, I see respiratory patterns change. I see again I can feel their body soften, their facial features even like especially when guys have furrows and like anger. >> Now, you look younger. >> Totally. I mean, this guy was taller like you know the absence of the weight that he was carrying of guilt and shame manifested in a physiology that was a bit stooped and suddenly this man shows up, you know, and even some of the women like whoa, I didn't even find him attractive and this is unconscious, you know. So that's part of it. But then yeah, it's the older someone gets, the more established those neural networks have become, the more evidence they have. It's like a child, you know, when I work with younger people, like when they see it, it's like boom, that they're on a different timeline immediately because they don't have sufficient evidence to justify the old identity. So >> yeah, it's profound stuff. >> How do our mental stories and emotional fears manifest in the physical body? >> That's a whole podcast. I mean disease like okay so I'll break down the current operating system what I call the 1.0 mindset which its predominant imperative is survival. >> So it's based in limitation which we've covered at nauseium today which is limiting code. I'm not something like a limitation in the language that we use to identify oursel creates the predominant emotion of fear, right? That's that's the cascade. Limiting language. It's a survival instinct and therefore we are to some degree it's a cascade. You know, terror and panic at one extreme and mild concern and worry at another. But overall, it's a fear-based uh relationship to life. Looking out for don't want to get in trouble with the misses. Don't want to upset the boss. Don't want to lose my job. Don't walk. Language is the limitation. >> How that shows up in our emotional body is predominantly fear. Now people are walking around say I'm not scared but I probably you booed them or you know they got some news about they're about to be fired. They would go into fear. Right? It's there beneath the surface. As I say other people's words don't upset you. They just relieve what you already they reveal what you already believed about yourself. Right? Fear then gives the overarching experience which we've discussed again certainly now and then prior suffering. Suffering first noble truth of Buddhism I think you know to be human is to suffer inextricably connected. It's like saying I'm going to jump in the ocean but I don't want to get wet. It you can't right to be human is to suffer. So limiting code subconscious 1.0 construct fear is the predominant emotion. Suffering is the overarching experience which then leads to disease the absence of ease. That's how it cascades into the physiology. So it's unavoidable and sickness and again I talked about cancer which I know is a sort of sensitive subject for people but that's the way I look at it. But whatever anybody creates not consciously so there's no guilt or shame because a lot of people go into this woe is me and they start berating themselves. Oh it's my own fault because of the way it's not >> that doesn't help you create more ease >> doesn't you can't again can't be held accountable for that which you're oblivious to. There's a distinction between fault and responsibility. Fault is all about shame and guilt. It's up to you. it's incumbent upon you. Responsibility is in ways that I don't even comprehend, I'm nonetheless curating the events of my life and everything that's happened. That's power. I I might not know why this thing, but if I can take responsibility, I want t-boned by a car that went through a red light and I was on a Vesper. >> Don't have to be a rocket scientist to know who won that fight, right? I spread across PCH. Fortunately, I was okay. I was wearing a leather jacket jacket, which was an anomaly. I was in um I was going to the premiere of the documentary Heel that I was in many, many moons ago. So thankfully I was wearing a leather jacket. I still had tons of road rash. >> Clearly on the human level, the guy, sweet guy, he's like, we exchange details, insurance, his insurance, paid for a new bike. And it's so funny. I love this about myself. Like the insurance company kept sending me emails and letters. Uh we need to get your medical bills. And I'd already submitted them. It was like 2500 bucks from my Chinese medicine acupunchure. And then, you know, cuz people play the game and like they were expecting 200 grand and MRIs. And I'm like, "No, I'm good. you know, I take care of myself and they're like, "No, no, there's got to be something wrong." But I took responsibility for the fact that my soul, for whatever reasons, was in that moment. And therefore, there's something from that experience that I'm looking to learn from >> that I'm not a victim of what happened. Yes, on the human level, he takes responsibility and liability. He went through the red light. Fortunately, it wasn't going so fast. I might not even be here to have a conversation. But I still at the deepest level own the fact that I'm in that moment of life. That's power. That's true responsibility. Otherwise, as I tell people, it's an on-off switch. You're either a victim or you're responsible. Choosing 100% responsibility is not easy, but it's powerful. So then to come back to this sort of understanding of like we're doing the best we can with the limits of our current awareness, right? But then we want to see who could I be in the absence of those concerns. And that's where we bring these unconscious. So the beliefs that we have are an extension of the identity that we are. And so the events that we curate are nonetheless for our our own emancipation fundamentally. They're here to help us break free from these constraints. >> Yeah. >> So that's the manifestation, the self-fulfilling prophecy. And um yeah, it's not for the light of heart, but it's it's powerful. >> Do you think a lot of suffering uh physical suffering comes from mental disease? Um I would say the majority like the question about disease >> besides being like hit by a car or something like that but I mean yes >> and the way I distinguish it to keep it simple I think words are helpful if you really look at them from their uh ontology and where they maybe come from like I I associate pain with physical suffering from emotional and psychological. So I can't get rid of pain. I'm going to have my own pain. I was standing up for like you know eight plus hours a day doing this retreat. My back was sore. Right. There's pain. But then if I had had a conversation on top of the pain which is like this is [ __ ] This is unfair. I don't want to be up here. Da da da. >> You'd suffer >> on top of the pain. Now it's amplified. So that's why I can't in any stretch of the imagination proclaim to be able to get rid of pain. I no one's ever going to do that. But I do feel confident that I can end suffering because suffering is the relationship to life. Pain being one of those. So disease, disease, the absence of ease and how it shows in the manifest world of our bodies and health um is really to understand that cascade so people can at least be empowered. Like of course there's a myriad of different other contributing factors like we have compromised DNA people have MTHFRs their metabolism their methylation pathways things I know for myself that like you know that I don't have strong immunity in my gut or my lungs my serotonin is slightly dysfunctional my mitochondrial don't clear very like I've done my deep dive on my DNA but I haven't taken medication ever you know like I mean apart from like something acute right you know but I'm I don't take drugs I mean it's not medication that's Another distinction if anyone's doing a refill it's not a medication anymore it's a drug right medication is curative or or preventative so that's no slight on people but maybe if you want to be well let's look at what are the underlying causitive factors the disease where are you in a state of the absence of ease which is a byproduct of suffering fear and limitation which is why I've seen the most ridiculous I mean one of my favorite stories a woman in my uh mastermind she had stage 4 endometriosis 29 the world the mind that she lived in that was creating limitation was that her needs don't matter Like that's how she felt in her family. She was dismissed and d horrible for a little girl. But what better way to manifest physically down the chain of creation than her needs not mattering as a woman than the inability to procreate. Perhaps the greatest gift for a woman. Two months after the mastermind went back for zero endometriosis. >> Wow. >> Yeah. And I mean you've heard these stories I'm sure you Joe's a friend of mine as well and you know he does a lot of that in his retreats but that to me is not a miracle. That's it's a miracle to the cognitive dissonance of somebody who believes things aren't possible. But as I tell people, what we believe is possible. It's not what's possible, right? And so I have learned over the years to become more friendly, familiar, and accepting of the word miracle because to me, it's less a miracle. It's more just physics. If you shift frequencies, your body's going to shift. >> It's alignment. When you get back into alignment, your body aligns to a state of healing, a state of wholeness rather than a state of disease. >> Yeah. >> Or some type of cancerous result, whether it be skin rashes or >> Yeah. >> cancers or anything else that's hurting you. >> Yeah. >> Outside of a, you know, a car crash or something like that. You know, >> it's like that quote, I think, from Einstein. It says, you can't um solve a problem from within the same level of consciousness that created it. And so I would assert with healing with all the best intentions in the world and I have so much compassion for people who've been on journeys with what they call chronic conditions which is another misnomer. There's nothing chronic. Chronic is just the illusion that helps the ego to hold on to the evidence over time. >> Yeah. >> And if you really get that then that adds the the the the strength of attachment of the ego that I have a chronic injury. No, you have pain like somebody in my my group has often said they had chronic pain till they realized they didn't have pain when they have it and they don't have it when they don't have it. Chronic just creates the significance to it, right? But when we realize that likewise that we can't create, we can't solve a problem from the same level of conscious that created it. You can't heal from the same within the same level of limiting code and emotions that created it. So this is both beautiful and maybe confronting for people is that people right now out there listening to this who are trying to heal, don't take this the wrong way, but the you that is struggling can't heal. Healing is on the other side of the you that is the precursor to the current sickness and disease that you're experiencing. That's both the bad and the good news because I'm trying to heal but the I that is the identity founded in limitation, fear and suffering and disease is the obstacle to the healing that is wanting to happen in the absence of the constraints that you've become identified with. So how does someone heal themselves then? >> They don't. The body knows how to do that. They have to get out of the frequency which was the precursor to the sickness in the first place. That goes back to the exercise I took everyone through. So you know the idea of >> consciousness to identity to beliefs through that process. >> Yeah. To get to the eventually the I'm not something. So even in that case people who have been struggling with something for a long time, one of the biggest obstacles to their healing is the belief that they're never going to be okay. Now, if you live in a world where I'm never going to be okay, that is complete and utter devastation, right? How disempowering, disheartening, like if I'm never going to be okay, I'm just going to do the best I can. One of my most powerful distinction I say to people is in that case, you can only become the best version of your limited self. And that's what humans are doing. >> And you're always a victim. >> Always. But you're a victim again. Not a circumstance, not of the condition, but of your own perspective, which is enforcing, reinforcing the very thing that you proclaim with all the best intentions in the world that you want me to get away from. >> Yeah. You don't want >> You don't want >> But again, this is a hard thing for people to hear. Most people don't have problems. They protect problems. >> Wow. Why is that? >> Because the number one like way of being right, right, the self- valueue, being right, is the poor man's version of selfworth. >> Wow. Man, they protect their problems. >> Yeah, that should be like an ouch and a wow for many people. >> Most people don't have problems, they protect their problems >> because the identity which is illusory. The very idea of ourel is built on the foundation of lies and therefore in order to sustain it, you have to keep finding evidence otherwise it falls apart. I took people through an exercise in my mastermind where they have to tell their story over and over. Typically only takes two or three times until they become sick of their own story like >> in the presence of someone loving. One person at the retreat, she even forgot her story on the second goaround. She's like, "Oh my god, I just realized I can't even remember what it was." Because >> we're holding on to these stories for so long, right? >> It's exhausting. Exhaustion is the number one word I hear from people when they look back and realize that they've been living in a lie. How do you feel? I'm just so exhausted. >> Exhausted >> cuz you're fighting the invisible growth. I say it's like getting into a ring, a UFC ring or whatever, a boxing ring, and you're being told that the world's greatest fighter is opposite you, but they're invisible. You're in a perpetual state of anticipation of threat. >> Wow. And you never you ever never actually fight them >> because there's no one there other than your own illusion. >> Wow. >> Can't help but laugh. I tell people until you realize the only thing you're fighting is your own imagination. Is >> it crazy? Or your own perception of what may or may never happen, right? >> Yeah. women. I feel for women, you know, because we as men, and I know you're a stand for this as much as I am, to get my my brothers and fellow men to like get out, at least get out of the world of abuse, even if you can't step into the love of provider, protector, and lover, you know, to at least stop beating up on women. But for that reason, women, the number one constraint I see in women is that they're not safe. >> And they have all the evidence for it, right? >> Yeah. And so how that manifests particularly with women who struggle you know in the arenas of like cancers you know that show up in particularly in these sensitive areas of the female body is that they're in a constant state of fight or flight right but if you're in this world of I'm not safe then you have no choice but to constantly be on guard and typically you know that's going to lead to where women I I tell people they shift from resilience which is the inherent capacity of a woman like women are insane like you've just seen this with your wife like the delivery and god forbid now for the next 18 is who she has to be, how she has to show up, right? >> And beyond. But then resilience when it's coupled with one of these subconscious constraints of inadequacy or lack of selfworth or not good enough becomes tolerance. >> And for women when they see that, it's like woof, I become way too tolerant, you know. And so for me, for the men to be able to step up and to hold space and realize, wow, in my own partnerships, my own wives, my girlfriends, my mothers, my sisters, where am I a threat to their safety? and and that's not an easy thing for a man to look at, but it is the access to the evolution of who they get to be as a real man. >> I've got a couple final questions for you. >> Sure. >> It's been very powerful. >> We could go on for hours, but >> yeah, I know I want to keep going on for hours. We'll have to have you back on in the future, but you've you've worked with a lot of elite athletes, you know, billionaires, CEOs, uh, and people who have accomplished >> incredible external success. What is the number one thing that has allowed all of them to reach it? And >> of all these top billionaires, CEOs and famous individuals, what is the thing that most of them are suffering with the most? >> Wow. Two sides of the same coin, right? Meaning, so I would say it seems antithetical, but one of the things that has created their success is fear. You know, there's a great line in Batman uh something Rising or Batman Rises or whatever it is and I I forget, but they're in this like big hell hole, right? Like they're all thrown into like a deep deep well and there's these men, right? And and Batman uh I forgotten the characters. Christopher Lee, is that the actor or who it was? Whatever. >> Not Christopher Nolan, that's the director, but Chris Christopher, >> was it Christopher something? Anyway, gosh, good looking dude. He's >> and he's trying >> guy. Yeah, Christopher something. Sorry. >> So, he's >> trying to get out, right? But he's got the rope around. >> And so, then he speaks to the guy, the sage who represents, you know, that wise old man who's like, you know, do it like the kid did it. And he's like, that how's that without the rope? >> Yeah. And so fear whilst it can be our greatest sort of um self-destruction and our compromise and our unbecoming is nonetheless for athletes with talent can be the motivating force for often as sad as it is to say to disprove those who we felt didn't have our loyalty or didn't have our backs. You know the dad that or the high school teacher that mocked the child. I'm going to prove them wrong. Right? So, so often I've worked with again like in the world of material success, billionaires who nonetheless have sicknesses, disease, third marriages, kids with addiction, and a lot of anxiety or medications that they're on, drugs that they're taking, but have amassed external success, but in the absence of internal security. And so that was the way that the hungry ghost, the addiction where you can never get enough of something that almost works. In this case, material success has nonetheless never fulfilled on the hole that can never be filled. And so that also, as I said, two sides of the same coin. So that is the motivating factor for a lot of accomplishment, but then can lead to the lack of fulfillment because it's never actually something that can be overcome. So I've seen that and what's so beautiful is that when I get to work with people have an immense amount of skill or immense amount of success or immense amount of talent or whatever it is that then when they tap into this living from love living from expansion >> the impact the freedom right the absolute freedom that then ironically becomes the precursor to even greater success. I'll never forget the story when I first started with an MLB team and I grew up in England with a soccer ball on my feet. I didn't know you know baseball from a hole in the road like and my friend was joking a He's like, "What what exactly are you going to tell people?" He's like, he was hysterical. He's like, "You're going to just tell them to keep their eye on the ball?" Like, "No, these are guys who get command $200 million between them in a team." But there was one guy who called me soon after I'd done my spring training talks and he was struggling and it's actually a couple of months into the season cuz for 3 months in the previous season, he hadn't had a home run and for two months into in the next. So, it was almost a whole season of six months across two. >> Yes. >> And he was a middle of the pack kind of home run guy. It wasn't a first baseman who does the 30 hits of homers and he wasn't small like short stop and a guy gets six or seven. He was a good solid 15 to 18 per season. He hadn't had any. >> And so, you know, the nature of a locker room with men who are like, you know, jeering and competing and messing around with each other and he was getting a lot of stick from the guy, don't worry, you're not a power player. And you know, they're messing with him and it was starting to grind. And uh so he called me one day. He was sitting in the parking lot of the of the stadium. And I tend to bring a lot of tough love, especially to my guys. So he's telling me the situation. I said, "So what if I told you for the rest of your career, and you probably had another five, six seasons in him, that you never ever hit another home run? Will you be okay or do I need to call your mom?" >> Right. Right. Right. Right. >> And of course, you know, the immediate resistance which is there, the reactions that we've talked about is, "Oh, dude, no, that's terrible. Like, I'm getting paid millions of dollars to perform. How could I just even in the course of this almost season, it's it's horrific. I'm embarrassed. I'm ashamed. I feel terrible. I'm not sleeping. All the ramifications." And I said, "No, no, no. You got to listen to the question. If for the rest of your career, six, seven seasons, five, six, seven, you never hit a, are you going to be okay?" And eventually you got to the right answer. Yeah, it's I I know it's not what you want. I know it's not what I want. I know it's definitely not what the team wants who paying you millions of dollars to perform, but are you going to be okay? >> And so the exercise was to take him to the peace and the relief and the profound acceptance that even in the absence of what we desire, that we realize that we're going to be okay. Even if I fail, I'm going to be okay. >> Yeah. >> And that profound capital A acceptance of >> I don't mind what happens. >> Let I mean, I could hear him excel on the phone, right? >> We were, it was with the Diamondbacks at the time and we were playing the Cardinals. His second at back. >> Boom. >> Biggest home run he's ever >> The next game. >> No, that game. That night. That night. >> Wow. That's crazy. >> Cuz he had freedom. He had complete freedom, which is why my whole work is about freedom. He had found peace with a future that he was otherwise trying to avoid. There's three stages of like the way that we relate to time, as I tell people. Past, we're holding on to things we haven't reconciled. Present, we're resisting what is. And then future, we're trying to avoid the pain that we haven't yet reconciled. This is the way that people live through life. So, he was in a state of holding past trauma, resisting the way things are, and concerned and fearful of a future that hasn't happened yet. In that one conversation, we reconciled all of it, mitigated any of the resistance. He's an athlete who has hit millions of home runs over the course of his life, you know, from being a kid, you know, and certainly in his dreams and his visions and his practice. >> His body knows what to do when a ball's coming at him at 79 curveball, 89 fast ball, whatever. Like, he knows how to respond, not react. >> And so, he said it was the easiest home run he's ever hit in his entire career. >> Yeah. Let it go. >> Because he was not attached to any outcome. Wow. >> Yeah. >> But it's so hard to not be attached to an outcome when you want it so badly, >> right? >> And that's that balance. That is the the eternal dance to your question of like what do I see as equality in those who attain success and what do I see as their downfall? It's one and the same thing is how do you find that balance between commitment which gives direction and a sense of unstoppability but then also profound humility for when things don't go your way. It's high engagement, low attachment. Yeah. It's like >> And so the quote which I don't readily give out, but like you know for my athletes they say fully committed totally unattached. >> Yeah. Yeah. That's >> that's a tough balance. >> That's tough man. >> Yeah. >> It's tough. >> That is freing. Yeah. It's like the quote just to finish that because he's the greatest golfer of all time which was Jack Nicholas, right? Better than Tiger. Tiger obviously changed the sport but Jack has got the biggest accolades. >> One of his quotes was one of my favorites to this point. He said um one of the greatest um parts of winning is being okay losing. >> Oh, >> he said he didn't say I want to lose. He didn't say I'm focused on losing. It's like you know that old adage of like winners focus on winning. Losers focus on winners. >> And I when I saw that it's so profound. He didn't say I'm okay with it. And he didn't say I'm focused on it. He said I'm okay if it happens. When you're okay with any outcome, you have nothing that's holding you back. >> Yeah. Yeah. You play free. You play more free. Yeah. >> Yeah. What do you wish everyone knew about fame, success, and money? >> Um, they're not what you think they are, and they're never the ultimate destination. You're not looking for some external exogenous form of accomplishment. You're looking for the experience you think that's going to bring you, and that experience is available to you right now because it's the essence of who you are. >> We got a lot more questions. We'll have to have you back on another time to go over them. But um this has been really powerful, Peter, and I want to acknowledge you for you're bringing so much wisdom from all the years you've been doing this work to this this conversation, this interview, and for breaking down things that seem extremely challenging for people to understand >> with great stories, lessons, and ideas that I hope that people can connect to and >> simplify things that seem so challenging for them to understand. So I want to acknowledge you for bringing that today. Thank you. I appreciate that. >> And for all that you're doing for so many people in the world through your programs, your coaching, your events, and you've got >> a three-month mastermind coming up uh pretty soon. >> Yeah. >> And you'll have these ongoing. >> Yeah. >> Um Yeah. >> And a new membership platform called 2.0 World. >> Yes. >> Where can people go to be a part of this or learn more about your your content? >> Um firstly, thank you for the words. means a lot coming from you and especially in the vein of what we were sharing earlier of like you know that little sort of >> Achilles heel where it's nice to be seen. So thank you. Um >> no I really care deeply and I I remember when I was younger not that long ago maybe a decade or so I really thought my caring was a a shortcoming you know and I realized no actually it's a superpower. So um uh people can find you know through all the usual channels Instagram, Facebook, my website it's all my name Peter Cone Peter Cchrome peterchrome.com and the mastermind you know for those who want to go deep and do the three-month journey I do theory coaching profound you know the deep philosophy about how we are as humans and what holds us back and how to break free and then the 2.0 World is my new membership platform that will probably be out in October or so. And then next year I'll be taking through people through the entire upgrade of the new operating system of freedom, love, and possibility. Yeah. >> Do you have a book also? >> I'm writing it. I've been writing it for those who follow me for a while for way too long in their mind, but it's the greatest marketing campaign. >> This is your this this might be one of your blocks. >> Yeah. >> Cuz I was thinking before I was like, I don't think you have a book. >> No. >> And I know you've probably thought of it for a decade plus. >> Yeah. I've got a series of books. And I think the issue is that I keep doing all the templates simultaneously versus just locking in on the one. >> Just do one. >> Yeah. So, I'm doing that. >> Do one and give yourself a deadline. And just it's got to come out next year. >> Yes. >> No matter what. >> We're way closer cuz now at the point of the proposal, the deal versus me just being in my own little silo writing. So now I'm engaged with publishers and so it's actually on the track. >> All right. Cool. >> Yeah. Thank you. >> I'm going to hold you to that. Yeah. It's got to come out, you know. >> Absolutely. >> Peter Cronin everywhere. Make sure you guys follow him. Check it out. I love your content. And you got a lot of great stuff and people can see you coaching people live on your content as well which is really cool. >> Yeah, that's the thing that seems to be the stuff that goes really viral because people can relate. That's the beauty of even the mastermind is I you know thousands of people from around the world but I only coach a few but everyone can relate to the story the resonance of what it is to be human and the fundamental fears everyone can relate to. >> Beautiful. Uh two final questions. This one's called the three truths. Uh >> oh >> hypothetical scenario. You get to live as long as you want to live. Yeah. In this earth, >> you get to create and and be, do, have everything you want to create, >> but it's the last day, many years away. >> Yeah. >> And for whatever reason, you've got to take all of your content with you. >> Okay. >> So, we don't have access to this conversation. All the books that you end up writing, all the content you have on your social media, it's gone. >> Yeah. >> Hypothetical. >> But on the final day, you get to leave behind three main lessons that you would want to leave behind. >> Wow. >> I call it three truths. >> Wow. >> And that's all we would have to remember you by with your content. Yeah. >> What would those three truths be for you? >> That's a great question. I never I never even heard. Number one, I love you. >> Mhm. >> I I really want people to know that like >> and not in any way to dismiss who somebody is, but my nature and I would assert our nature as beings is to love. >> Yeah. >> And I would in the most poetic say, you know, way that I say it's like we all love or I again I'm paraphrasing myself and I forgot. Everybody loves everybody. It's just most people don't know that yet. >> So, I love you. Number one. >> Number two, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. >> Mhm. >> Despite how much you try to defend that and prove it. >> What if you've done a lot of bad things, though? >> That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it. It just means that there's consequences of your behavior to take responsibility for >> for your actions. Yeah. Okay. And even the things that you've done that are bad, I would assert, are an extension of the conditioning that wasn't necessarily yours, but things you've inherited based on the lessons that you're here to learn. So either way, you're a beneficiary >> of your own behaviors if if you choose to look back on them and grow. >> And the third thing, >> it all works out. >> Yeah. In your favor. >> Yeah. >> The old expression, it all works out in the end. >> That's true. And if If it's not the end, it's not the end. Exactly. >> Final question, Peter. What is your definition of greatness? >> Oh my gosh. Okay. I love words so much that I I I really want to articulate this in a way that honors the platform that I'm and the man that I'm with. My definition of of greatness I would say it is when a soul has discovered its own existence. It has transcended the constraints with which we arrive to realize that the very essence of who we are is always what we've been looking for. to live from that space of true freedom, love and possibility and to impart that onto others so that they might discover the same within themselves. >> Peter Chrome, my man, thank you, brother. >> Appreciate it. >> Thank you. >> It's powerful, man. >> Yeah. Much love to you and to everyone. >> Thank you. >> One of the strongest things that I think actually holds us back is this one simple question right here. Who did you have to be as a kid to receive mom or dad's love? One of the things I think that makes people more in an energy of attachment and not magnetic is that there's an attachment to an old identity