Video summary
Many dog owners who struggle with a reactive pet often feel deep guilt and believe they have failed in their responsibility as guardians, especially after investing countless hours into training books, courses, and videos that seem to yield no immediate results. This intense self-blame arises when a dog continues to lunge, bark, or spin upon seeing other animals, leading owners to whisper doubts about their own competence. However, the core message is clear: reactivity is rarely a report card on an owner's training skills but rather a complex interplay of genetics, instinct, and temperament that exists long before the dog ever enters the home. These traits are hardwired into the animal over generations, meaning factors like high arousal, sensitivity, or a strong drive to chase were not created by the owner and cannot simply be trained out overnight. Even professional trainers with decades of experience can end up with reactive dogs because they are essentially rolling the dice every time they bring a new dog home, receiving a hand that may be challenging regardless of how perfectly they have played their part.
The video emphasizes that while an owner's actions influence how a dog feels and behaves, they cannot alter the fundamental genetic blueprint or the natural disposition of the animal. This reality is particularly poignant for those who adopt from shelters or rescue situations, where the history and predispositions of the dog are unknown until reactivity emerges months later. It is crucial to understand that dealing with these challenges does not mean one is doing something wrong; instead, it signifies having been dealt a difficult hand in the game of dog ownership. The frustration and anxiety involved in managing walks, timing encounters, and avoiding triggers are valid struggles shared by many, but they do not define the owner's worth or the success of their relationship with the dog. Recognizing that these behavioral hurdles are often beyond one's control allows owners to shift from a mindset of failure to one of resilience and understanding.
To navigate this journey effectively, owners are encouraged to stop measuring their success solely by major blow-ups or barking fits and instead start counting their small victories. Progress with a reactive dog is rarely a straight line; it is often messy, involving two steps forward followed by one step back, which can feel discouraging on bad days. True wins include moments when the dog notices another animal and glances back at the owner instead of exploding, recovering slightly faster after a trigger appears, or gaining just ten extra feet of distance before reacting. By zooming out to view weeks and months rather than focusing on single hard moments, owners can see how far they and their dogs have come together. The most important metric for success is not whether the dog has been "fixed" or stopped reacting altogether, but the fact that the owner keeps showing up with love and patience every single day.
Ultimately, owning a reactive dog is an act of fighting for an animal that needs support when most people would have given up long ago, which is described as one of the most beautiful aspects of this journey. Owners are urged to give themselves the same grace and patience they extend to their dogs daily, acknowledging that they are doing better than they might think despite the visible struggles. While owners must remain aware that their own training methods can sometimes exacerbate issues, the primary takeaway is that reactivity is not a reflection of personal failure but a challenge inherent to the specific dog's nature. With the right resources and a shift in perspective, things can get better over time, and owners should celebrate every small improvement while continuing to seek knowledge about their specific dog's needs. The path forward involves understanding what type of reactivity one is dealing with and committing to the long-term process of building a safe and empowered life together.
Read the full video transcript
So you've got a reactive dog, and you're
sitting there feeling like you failed.
You failed your dog, and I need you to
stop right now and listen to me because
everything you're about to hear could
completely, and I mean completely, shift
and change the way that you see
yourself, your dog, and the journey that
you guys are on together. You've put in
the hours, you've read the books, you've
taken the courses,
>> [music]
>> and you watched the videos, and still
your dog lunges, barks, spins, and loses
it the second another dog rounds that
corner. And somewhere deep down, a
little voice in your head that's maybe
on your shoulder, maybe over here, keeps
whispering, "What did I do wrong? Is
this my fault? I don't understand. I've
done everything." Here's the truth I
want tattooed on your heart today. Your
dog's reactivity is very, very likely
not your fault, and I'm going to explain
exactly why. So stick with me because by
the end of this video, you're going to
feel a whole lot better about your
reactive dog. Now, let me be clear right
out of the gate. You're a good dog
owner. Good dog owners don't quit when
things get hard, right? And yet, here
you are feeling guilty, which tells me
everything I need to know about how much
you actually love your dog, which of
course you do deeply. So we need to talk
about it because what's really going on?
Because this is the thing that a lot of
dog owners don't talk about. Reactivity
is not a report card on your training.
Reactivity is very, very often about
genetics, instinct, and dispositions,
and temperament, things that you don't
necessarily have control of. And here's
the one thing that you have to
understand. Those four things are
complete crapshoot. You never really
know what you're going to get. You don't
get to choose them. You cannot train
them out of existence overnight, either.
Now, of course, you can change how a dog
feels, but genetics play a massive,
massive role in how your dog experiences
the world and how your training affects
them. So if you think about it, a dog's
genetics were written a long before
you've ever brought them home. The
instincts are already baked into that
dog, whether it's a drive guard, to
chase, or to be alert, or even to
protect, those are hardwired into a lot
of dogs over generations. Their natural
disposition, whether they're sensitive,
they're anxious, high arousal, or slow
to recover from stress, you didn't
create that. Their temperament, the core
of who they are,
that showed up with them. You can do
everything, and I mean everything right,
and still end up with a reactive dog.
Professional dog trainers end up with
I've had reactive dogs my entire adult
life. People with decades of experience
end up with reactive dogs. Why? Because
when you mix genetics, instinct, and
that disposition that we were talking
about, that temperament that we've been
talking about, you're rolling the dice
every single time. There's no
guarantees, and that means that the
reactivity that you're battling is not
proof that you're bad at this. It's
proof that you got dealt a challenging
hand with that dog, and you're still
showing up anyway. So, do you understand
how remarkable that is to bring out a
dog that you know is going to react, but
you still do it multiple times a day?
Now, guys, I want to shift gears for
just a moment and talk about the single
most important and powerful tool you can
have on this journey. And then, I'm
going to come right back and remind you
of something that you probably
desperately need to hear as a reactive
dog owner. If your dog's reactivity has
you feeling [music] stuck, you're tired
of feeling like you're the only one
struggling and all the other dogs are
walking past like, "Hey, what's going on
with your dog?" I've got you covered.
[music] We have built a complete online
dog training program specifically and
designed for reactive [music] dogs. I
take all of my 10-plus years of
experience working with reactive dogs.
I'm pulling in clips, I'm pulling in
reactive dogs, and breaking everything
down [music] from equipment you need,
equipment you definitely don't need, all
the triggers, managing these things,
helping you and your dog feel safe and
empowered right now. And all of that is
included in my Reactive to Neutral
[music] course. Link is in the
description. Let's continue. Now, I put
that plug of my course in there for a
reason, cuz a lot of people are like,
"Tom, this makes sense. [music] How do I
work with you?" That's how. Now, you
need to start counting your wins. This
is what a lot of my clients [music]
do not do. They go out and they go, "Oh,
my dog bark." Okay, you have a dog,
they're going to bark, but count your
wins. I mean it. [music] Reactive dog
owners have a terrible habit of only
measuring the big blow-ups on the walk,
their barking fit at the window, the one
bad moment in an otherwise [music]
good day. But, you walk right past the
victories like they don't even count.
[music]
And guess what? They do count. Did your
dog notice another dog and glance back
at you instead of exploding? That's a
win. That's a W. Did they recover a
little bit faster after that trigger
went off today than they did last week
or last month? That's a huge win. Did
you get an extra 10 ft of distance
before the barking started? W, win. Did
you both make it home in one piece with
a little more calm than yesterday or
this morning's walk? That is worth
celebrating. So many reactive dog owners
are so dang hard on themselves, and you
have to remember that progress with a
reactive dog is not a straight line.
It's messy. It's two steps forward, one
step back, and sometimes it feels like
three steps back on a bad day. Of
course, that that's how you feel. But,
when you zoom all the way out and you
look at the weeks and even months
instead of that single hard moment, you
will just see how far the two of you
guys have become together or if you have
multiple dogs. So, please hear me out on
this, cuz it's important. Do not measure
your worth as a dog owner, but rather
your dog is fixed or they completely
stop reacting altogether. Measure it by
the fact that you keep showing up. You
keep loving a dog that most people would
have given up on a long time ago.
[music] You are not failing your
reactive dog, you are fighting for a dog
that needs you. And that is one of the
most beautiful things my clients get to
do after they've overcome the reactivity
issues. And if you own a reactive dog, I
know for sure how frustrating it can be.
So, you guys have to keep going. You
should celebrate the small stuff.
[music] Give yourself the same patience
and grace you give your dog every single
day because you're doing better than
[music] you think. I know that it's
hard. I know that it's frustrating. Most
people don't know. They go, "Why can't I
have my dog that just walks by?" I want
to hear from you guys right now in the
comments. What's one win that you've had
with your reactive dog recently? Could
be big or small. I want to know in the
comments below because a lot of people
don't have anybody to talk to about
this. A lot of people don't understand
dog reactivity. You go out and people
don't know the stress and the sweating
and the anxiety and all the things that
you have to deal [music] with as a
reactive dog owner. I can tell you right
now, guys, after doing this for over a
decade, there are so many people out
there [music] that struggle with
reactivity with their dogs. And again, I
know it's frustrating and anxious
[music] and you have to time your walks
and when you see another dog, you can
walk away. And those things are okay.
But one thing I want to
hammer home to you guys is you cannot
change your dog's genetics, especially
if you guys adopted a dog from a
shelter. You rescued [music] from
so-and-so. You picked whatever. You have
a dog that literally you're taking dice
and you're rolling it right now and
going, "I don't know what I got." And
all of a sudden at 8 months old, 9
months old, 10 months old, etc., the dog
starts becoming reactive. [music] The
dog starts redirecting. The dog starts
doing things that you didn't see were
when a puppy and you go,
>> [music]
>> "What the heck did I do wrong?" Now,
don't get me wrong, guys. There are no
bad dogs, but you as a dog owner can
absolutely be messing all of this up as
well. So, I'm not saying that all of
your reactivity is predicated off of
having your dog's genetics or having
your dog's predisposition be baked into
the dog. But of course, that plays a
role that often time dog owners don't
look at. So again, that's why it's
really important that you guys are
getting resources to understand what
type of reactivity you have. All of that
stuff is is broken down in my reactive
to neutral course. And guys, [music]
it's important to know what dog you have
so you know which direction to go in.
Should you correct it? Should you avoid
it? Should you pay a dog with treats?
These are all questions I get on the
regular from dog owners every single
day. And again, I put all my free videos
out here on YouTube as well as my
Instagram you guys should check out. So,
if you have a reactive dog, the bottom
line is guys is you can get better.
Things will get better.
>> [music]
>> You just have to know what to do and how
to do it next. Guys, thank you so much
for watching. Thank you so much for
listening. Again, make sure you check
out my reactive to neutral course, link
in the description. I will talk to you
guys on the next one. Peace.