Your Marriage Could Be in Trouble- and You Don’t Know It! | Unscripted Faith

Is there a conversation you've been avoiding with your spouse? You know, the one about money, in-laws, sex, or who's really supposed to unload the dishwasher? Joshua and Shannon Morocco say the conversations couples avoid are often the ones that make or break a marriage. Joshua and Shannon, welcome to Unscripted Faith. >> Good to be with you. Thank you for having us. >> Yes. Hello. We are honored to have you joining us from Hawaii here today. Thank you so much. Yes. Aloha. Now pastors, we know you have beautiful God stories. So please share with me. And we'll start with you, Pastor Joshua. Share with me your God story. >> You know, I grew up in the church. U my parents are pastors. My dad was a missionaries a missionary kid and he was born in Kolkata, India. Grew up in the Philippines. And through a long journey, both my parents arrived here in Hawaii and we took over church here and been here for 46 years in this amazing environment, amazing church. And that's how I grew up. But in the area of marriage as far as the story that I saw is I've seen many many pastors marry people out of I don't know either obligation or desire, but it wasn't God's fit. And so for us, what was really interesting in our story of marriage and relationship, we really battled. We had to we we ded for three and a half years because of certain issues in my life and uncertainties in my life. And I had I had problems with because I've seen so many marriages destroyed. I said, I want God's plan. And it was a journey to really learn how to hear God's voice in relationships and and that certainty of knowing that she was God's choice and God's plan for my life. And so it was a really fun journey. >> Yeah. And I you know I heard from the Lord really early on that he was my husband. It just took him a little bit longer. You know >> I had to be a little patient which I think every couple probably can identify with. >> Yeah. We like pastor Joshua that you said your issues of course never us women having issues you know >> never [laughter] >> I do love how the Lord brought you all together and you had a very personal journey like you said in this marriage process this relationship process and have learned so much. Share with me what is the number one thing you have learned couples must do. >> Oh my goodness. Well, one of our favorite chapters, which is chapter one, is the expectations chapter. And I just don't feel like people talk about it enough, but that you have to communicate your expectations, that they have to be realistic, and they have to be mutually agreed upon. And one thing we've learned is negotiable season to season. Every child, it's a new set of expectations, who does what and how life comes at you. You've got to continue to communicate and have those conversations or you'll be really frustrated. >> I I would say for me one of the greatest statements we make is get your finger off the eject button. You know, many many marriages never experience the healing that can come because they've constantly got their finger on the eject button. I imagine if a pilot the moment they hit turbulence was like, "Hey, we're getting out of this plane. We're out of here." It that's you. Pilots learn how to navigate through turbulence. Well, in the same way, marriages have to learn how to navigate through those turbulent times. And the only way you're going to do that is you got to get your finger off the check button. And so, we don't use the term divorce at all. We've never used it in the 24 years of marriage because we know that by God's grace, if we just keep holding on, God will give us the grace to navigate through that turbulence. >> Wow. I love that. Truly, you men and women, we cannot read each other's minds. So, we need to let the other know about the expectations, but also be committed that when those expectations aren't met, don't hit the eject button. I love that, Pastor Joshua, because our culture has made it super convenient and super easy. Today, you eject from that plane and you just pop into another one, but that's not God's best for us. So, share with me. You mentioned um Pastor Joshua that there were some apprehensions you had even early on about marriage that you really had to work through. Share with me some of those so that our viewers can begin to understand they're not alone in it. And how did you overcome them? >> Well, I was incredibly no doubt incredibly attracted to this girl. I mean, she is absolutely wonderful in every way. >> But I knew my calling. I knew my calling was ministry. And I wasn't positive that that was her calling. And I never got to see that until we were in college together and I saw her doing ministry and her heart for people, her love for people. And at that moment, I was just completely convinced that she was God's match. And I, you know, of course, I was expecting the thunderous voice of the Lord from heaven saying, "This is your wife. In her I am well pleased." And, [laughter] you know, I wanted a sign from heaven. But God, the way God worked with me is it just it was this love that had captured my heart. And I I remember one day I just said, "I can't I don't want to live another day without this girl." And the worst thing was having to take her home after a date or something. I said, "Man, I I think I'm ready. I'm ready." And so it was it was a good >> And we've been married 24 years and, you know, every year, you know, we are growing more in love. But it didn't happen by accident. You know, some people might say, "Oh, you have a perfect marriage. Oh, we've been through the highs and the lows of every part of marriage." But we've invested into our marriage. We say great marriages don't happen by accident. And that's why we wrote this book, you know, the 10 talks, the 10 conversations that will help you go deeper and, you know, talk about the hard talks, talk about sex and money and parenting. We even have a parenting chapter in there. >> I love that. And there are I think a large part like you mentioned about breaking or making the marriage is always around conversation. It's always communication, right? So these these 10 that you bring to us, what would you say was the most impactful in your early years, the conversation you needed to have and what is the conversation that seems to continually come up? >> Wow. Well, I love our communications chapter. I'm an overcommunicator and he's an internal processor. So we talk about the different types of communicators. Neither is wrong or right, but learning your spouse and how they process. I would want to talk his ear off till the midnight and he's like, "I'm done. I have no more words to say and I need time to think about what you're just telling me." And I had to learn to be patient and learn the right timing. >> Yeah. You know, the intimacy chapter for me and of course people say, "Well, you're a man, of course." [laughter] But growing up, growing up in ministry and growing up in the church, there's certain things that were seen as taboo and certain conversations. And and yet I think at times in our marriage, we can settle in the area of intimacy. And for us, we had to grow in learning how to communicate certain desires, communicate really what we what we thought intimacy should look like. and and to grow in there's a way to grow in intimacy in our relationships. >> Yeah. Don't settle. I mean, I think that the God created sex to be a beautiful, wonderful thing between a husband and a wife. And like you've talked about the the world, our society has perverted it or has changed it or has skewed the view, but it is beautiful and it is meant to bring joy to each other and >> protection >> and protection. Oh my goodness. I mean, we do marriage retreats all the time and you would be shocked how many couples are not intimate anymore and don't prioritize that and how busy or life crowds out the mo one of the most important things. And we always say this, sex doesn't equal intimacy, right? So, intimacy is so much more than just sex. It's it's that connection. >> Wow. So, today there's a couple that's struggling, right? I mean, we know many that are struggling. What is one step they can take today that will change how their marriage um improves will keep their finger off that eject button? >> I I would say this, go to counseling. >> One of the things that we did to strengthen our marriage and we had been in ministry, we're pastors >> and uh we decided, hey, we went through a very intense season. We were in a transitional season and the Lord spoke to us, you need to go to counseling. And it wasn't that we were even thinking about divorce. It was preemptive. >> And we sat there with a counselor and begin to dig deep in some of the areas that were that were uncovering, you know, uncovering really what was going on in our hearts. >> Yeah. And then I would say, you know, we say this as well, your spouse can't be your source. Sometimes we expect our our spouse to be fill every void in our heart. And if run after your own healing, um you've got to take responsibility for your own heart, soul, spirit. And so if you run to the foot of the cross and your spouse learns how to do that, putting God in the middle, um that has helped us because I realized he cannot fulfill everything in my life. I've got to go to Jesus for that. And that just changed our marriage in the early years to say, "Okay, Josh, I fire you. You can't be me everything. [laughter] God has to be my everything. >> And and we've always said it, we've always said it this way that marriage is like a triangle. The closer you get to God, the closer you get to one another. And he draws that he draws you into that intimacy. So >> that's so good. I love that advice. Are there any things that you guys do on a monthly basis, weekly basis that helps to create a culture that you can have those tough conversations or that you're connecting Yes, actually. Um, a few years back, you know, as the kids were getting a little older, uh, we try every quarter to just get away for one or two nights. We call them our honeymoons. And I'm telling you, they've been the biggest difference in our marriage where we can have these conversations, uninterrupted time, growing intimacy, fun. Fun is important in your marriage. You know, creating that space. And you know, once a year we'll do a family vacation, but we realize that's more for our kids. We create that for our kids and memories. So, just even even my husband says, "If you don't got a lot of money, pitch a tent in the backyard. Go go go in a camp, get in a camper and go go in the forest or go on the beach or, you know, just create a space where you can reconnect." And I even one to two nights can make all the difference in that season. >> Oh, I love that. I'm going home tonight and telling my husband, "Honey, get it on the calendar. We want to do these once a quarter. That is such >> Maybe you need to come to Hawaii. Maybe take a little longer trip. >> Exactly. That's Yeah, we we we're gonna take a longer one to Hawaii and get to experience all. You know, that's where we actually honeymoon. My husband and I went to Maui and he still talks about it. So, he sold. We're doing it. That's our >> Come visit us. We're in Maui, so we'd love to see you. >> That's right. We'll sit down, have some coffee on the beach. >> There you go. In our last few moments together, would you all share a word of encouragement to that couple that is really struggling and they're thinking there's just no way that we can endure? >> Yeah. One of our chapters is the forgiveness chapter and I didn't get to share my testimony in the beginning, but really it's the most powerful testimony is when I was 5 years old, my dad had an affair. Um, my mom found out I was five. The house was in an explosive state. didn't know what was going on. Fighting, yelling. My mom was about ready to leave and take my sister and I back to uh Colorado where they were from. And in that moment, the Lord, she encountered the Lord and he gave her a vision and said, "I'm going to heal your heart. I'm going to touch your husband. He's going to turn to me and I'm going to touch future generations to come." And you know, he said, "You see on the here and now, but I see on the eternal." And you know, she had the biblical right to leave my dad, but she grabbed on to that word. And even though it was so hard, my dad ended up repenting and turning to the Lord. And that's how I got saved. I crawled up up on his lap and said, "Daddy, I want to know Jesus like you know Jesus." And it was a long road to restoration. I mean, he slept in the garage for a year, you know. Um trust has to be rebuilt, but they got counseling. They got he they put God at the center of their marriage. And I just want to say I'm sitting here today because of God's goodness and because they decided to stay together. Now I'm serving God and in the ministry and writing this book about their legacy. And they celebrated over 50 plus years of marriage and he just graduated to heaven this year. But it's such a testimony of my parents and the goodness of God that he can restore any marriage. If you just bring it to God, he'll bring great healing. What a powerful powerful testimony. Thank you for sharing that. I'm so sorry about your loss, but we are so thankful that he can rejoice in heaven and there will be a reunion uh for the ages to come. Thank you both so much for being here and sharing all of your wisdom. We all need this book. Thank you for stopping by and scripted faith. >> Thank you so much. >> God bless you. God [music] bless you.