Video summary
The podcast features a deep dive into managing one's inner critic, drawing parallels between how we treat others and ourselves. The speakers argue that while having an inner voice is healthy if it is process-driven rather than purely judgmental, most people are unkind to themselves compared to their treatment of friends. A key distinction made is between vague feelings of discontent and specific coaching; instead of simply feeling "bad," one should identify the precise issue, such as fear regarding a presentation, verify its truth against reality (e.g., checking notes), and then iterate on solutions rather than repeating failed attempts. This approach aligns with Walt Disney's method of compartmentalizing creativity before allowing criticism in a separate room to refine ideas effectively. A central theme revolves around the nature of confidence versus competence, summarized by the adage that "confidence without evidence is delusion." The discussion highlights how society often rewards specific asks and punishes vague wishes, leading many to rely on self-belief unsupported by actual skill or preparation. However, the speakers suggest reframing fragility; instead of viewing oneself as a tightrope walker teetering on a knife-edge, one should see themselves as "finely tuned," like a high-performance Ferrari that requires careful maintenance and can still have hiccups without breaking down entirely. This mindset shift encourages kindness toward oneself by recognizing that internal criticism is often just feedback necessary for improvement, much like the iterative process of tweaking something until it works better than before. The conversation shifts to evaluating success through trajectory rather than current position or recency bias. The speakers explain why humans struggle to predict future outcomes and tend to label people as heroes or losers based solely on their present status, ignoring that everything is temporary. Using examples like Oasis versus Coldplay at Wembley Stadium, the discussion illustrates how cultural excitement often favors novelty and recent trends over steady longevity; a band might be celebrated for returning after decades while another faces boredom despite consistent performance. The argument posits that being number two but on an upward slope from last year is superior to sitting at number one if your value was declining previously, as trajectory indicates genuine growth and relevance rather than just fleeting popularity or past glory. Ultimately, the dialogue concludes with a focus on what happens when goals are achieved: whether to prove success wasn't a fluke by repeating it twice or simply continuing the process that works. The speakers emphasize that in fields like show business, longevity matters more than short-term spikes in fame, and true satisfaction comes from maintaining momentum rather than obsessing over validating every single achievement. This perspective is supported by an endorsement of Element electrolyte drinks as a tool for sustaining physical performance and brain health during these demanding periods of work and travel. By combining practical self-care with the mental discipline of focusing on upward trends and specific feedback, individuals can navigate the pressures of creativity and public life without falling into delusion or excessive fragility.
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I want to know what relationship people
should have with their inner critic.
>> Um, I think it's I don't know. I I think
it's very healthy, isn't it? It's very
healthy to have um an inner critic, but
it's also it's the there's the golden
rule and then there's the there's the
platinum rule, right? There's the treat
others as you want to be treated,
>> and then there's the treat yourself as
you treat others.
M
>> most people are very kind, like you're
nicer to me than you are to yourself.
>> Mhm. Mhm.
>> Like I if you said the [ __ ] you say to
yourself, to me, we wouldn't be friends.
>> Um and I think that thing of like the
the inner critic has to be it's um as
long as it's process driven, I think
it's it's very very healthy.
>> It's like imposter syndrome. It's okay,
feel like an imposter for a while. As
long as it gives you as long as you can
get that to a granular level where it
gives you something to work on. Like the
inner critic can't just be it can't just
be like that's bad.
>> It's got to be oh that that didn't work
so we need to change it or that one's
that one's not going to work so we're
going to write something new. It it's
got to be something that's like uh
you're working towards something you're
aiming up.
>> And I think criticism is very important.
I mean, Walt Disney used to do this
thing where he had like the he had three
rooms, you know, this thing of like one
for creativity,
uh, one for sort of, um, management,
like how would you do the idea and then
it was only in the third room that you
were allowed to be critical.
>> It's kind of fun idea of like going to
sort of comp
>> compartmentalize. Well, I do think that
thing of like never refuse the muse. If
you're working in anything creative,
just write it down. something comes to
you, you just
>> That's a no one, right? Inspiration is
perishable. Act on it immediately.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. There's a Tim Ferrris says, "The
world rewards the specific ask and
punishes the vague wish." And I think
that sort of inner critic voice can
expand out into I don't feel good about
the thing I did. Okay. Well, that's
probably the first place everybody gets.
I'm not not really too sure about why,
but there's some sense
of discontent about something that just
happened or something that I'm about to
do. Probably very normal. You don't know
where it's coming from and you don't
know what it's about and you don't know
what to do to fix it. Okay. So, how
about we get away from the vague critic
and we move toward the specific coach
with regards to this. Okay. So, what
precisely is it that you're concerned
about? Well, I don't feel fully prepared
for the presentation I've got to give
tomorrow. Okay. Is that fair? Do you
know that it's true? Do you think that
you haven't prepared enough? Well,
actually, I have prepared quite a lot to
be honest. I think this is probably just
my fear trying to be sneaky and sort of
turn itself into a way that I'm going to
believe it. All right. Well, what are
you going to do about it? Well, I'll
just check my notes a few more times.
And actually, huh, it seems like I do
know this pretty well. the the yeah the
inner critic it's not often wrong
just you can say it in a nice way you
know it's it's it sometimes it's right
sometimes you [ __ ] up sometimes it's not
it's not it wasn't good enough
>> and that's okay it's like it's the um
it's the idea of like going um it's not
repetition it's iteration
>> it's like lots of different you know
doing the same thing again and again
doesn't make you better but like
tweaking it and knowing what to tweak is
that you have to listen to an inner
critic. I think the the um uh is it
Hozi? Uh it it's Hosi is so good for
quotes, but it's I think it was um uh
self-confidence without evidence is
delusion.
>> Mhm.
>> Some version of that.
>> Confidence. Confidence without
competence is delusion.
>> Yeah. It's it's so true. And you do meet
people along the way that have that
incredible confidence or they they they
sort of exude that and then they they
don't have the the to back it up
>> and you go well no you need to you need
to be able. So finding that I think it's
very I think without that inner critic I
think we would all be kind of delusional
wandering around going yeah you know
>> yeah George says uh does someone with
half your talent but five times yourself
believe making 10 times the money.
Yes. And that's that's true for for
every British person. There's an
American.
>> Exactly. Well, I mean, look, I I think
for the
perennial overthinkers,
reframing this
very welltrodden landscape of inner
criticism.
A lot of the way that you can look at
that is I'm fragile. You know, my my
self-belief exists on a knife edge. It
feels like I'm tightroppe walking
confidence. Perhaps I think a better way
to look at it is you're not fragile.
You're just finely tuned.
And in the same way as a Ferrari can go
really, really fast, especially around a
track. But if you don't treat it very
well, it's probably going to break down
quite a lot actually. And if you treat
it really well, it's still going to have
a couple of hiccups and days where it
doesn't fully operate rightly.
>> But yeah, you're not fragile. You're
finely tuned. Is a nice reframe. It's so
easy to be kind to other people and
sometimes so difficult to be kind to
yourself. It's like you wouldn't let
someone else speak to a friend like
that. You just wouldn't stand for it.
>> Mhm.
>> And yet you're in a critic. You just
like Yeah. Yeah. Say terrible things to
me.
>> Just accept it as it comes. Yeah. I uh
that idea on you had uh position and
disposition.
>> This has happened a couple of times. I
misremember things that guests uh tell
me and then I write about the thing that
I misremembered and what you realize is
that you've actually built on something
that they didn't mean. And I think I
told you about this before, but I'm
going to I'm going to tell you about it
again. So, uh this is after our first
episode 18 months ago, something like
that. My chat with Jimmy Carr a few
weeks ago inspired an idea. I've been
reflecting on how your trajectory is way
more important than your position. If
you're number two in the world, but last
year you were number one, that is way
worse than sitting at number 150, but
being on a huge upward slope from 300 12
months ago. There's a few reasons for
this. Recency bias. If your value is
increasing right now, that means you
have to be popular at the moment. By
looking at recent trajectory, you are
selecting for only the few people who
are trendy right now, which is really
all that we can remember. We can also
romanticize where someone will be in
future. If they're currently hot stuff,
how high might they climb? Who knows?
maybe to the top, maybe even beyond the
top. Humans struggle to realize that
everything is temporary, including
growth and decline. Instead, it's easier
to label people as heroes and losers
based on what we know of them right now,
so we don't have to predict a messy
future. There's an old saying saying
that there's three types of people on
the ladder. One at the bottom, one at
the middle, and one at the top. Which
one is the best to be? The one that's
still climbing.
>> Yeah. No, I think I think it's
fantastic. It's very well put. Um Yeah.
Yeah, I think that especially in show
business, trajectory really seems to be
such an important metric and it's like
you could be half the size of some other
comic, but they've been around 20 years
and they always sell out the arena, so
who cares?
>> It's like it's
>> novelty, dopamine, this is new, recency
buyers.
>> Yeah. I think there's a there's a thing
this year where um Oasis are playing.
>> Mhm.
>> Uh and it's a big deal. People are very
excited about it and I think Coldplay
are doing I think it's 10 or 11 nights
at Wembley Stadium.
>> Everyone's like Chris Martin bored of
you been around for ages.
>> Yeah. Well, of course you are. Yeah.
You're a big band.
>> But it's like but it's not like uh an
event culturally in the same way that
Oasis coming together is. There's a
there's a narrative to that and a
trajectory of kind of where they are.
and Coldplay have just been steadily
listen and if Taylor Swift does 15
nights next year, it'll be afed.
>> Yeah. So that thing of like other people
getting excited about it and I think I
don't know what it feels like to be uh
you know in Coldplay at the moment and
maybe people aren't making as much fuss.
I hope they're celebrating. I hope
they're I hope they're taking time to
go. This is fantastic.
>> It's a question again of what what
happens when you arrive. Let's say that
the things that you want to have happen
happen.
What then? Like, okay, I I will be happy
when I get to do Wembley. Ah, but no, I
need to run it back cuz I need to prove
that it wasn't a fluke. I I It's got to
be two nights at Wembley cuz you know
the gold it that's the reason the gold
medal didn't feel right because it could
have been a fluke. So I need to I need
to do it twice to prove that the first
one wasn't a fluke and oh well cuz the
three cuz
>> or is it a process thing where they just
go yeah keep doing what you're doing
>> keep doing what you're doing keep you
know if it's you know however you want
to frame it you know if you're hard
charging you're like if you're working
hard because you go well this is this is
an opportunity
>> means what I like to do.
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