Video summary
The video explores a counterintuitive approach to overcoming procrastination by redefining how we handle failure, arguing that there is both a right and wrong way to fail which significantly impacts our ability to be consistent. The speaker explains that many people struggle because they simultaneously desire success while harboring deep fears about it; for instance, someone might want a relationship but remain terrified of past pain, or wish to be productive yet fear the disappointment associated with trying again after previous failures. This internal conflict creates a stalemate where action never materializes because the individual is paralyzed by anxiety and guilt rather than simply lacking motivation. The core message is that true consistency does not come from forcing oneself to succeed every time, but instead requires removing the emotional baggage of fear attached to making promises and breaking them.
The speaker distinguishes between two distinct responses when a commitment is broken: the wrong way involves immediately recommitting or scrambling to make up for the missed deadline out of guilt and anxiety, while the right way is to pause and remove those negative emotions entirely. The incorrect approach relies on reflexive promises that are driven by fear, leading to self-attack and a cycle where one feels uniquely incapable despite wanting success. In contrast, the proper method involves making small commitments without pressure and accepting when they are not honored as a normal human experience rather than a moral failing or crime. By pausing instead of rushing back into action out of guilt, individuals can shift their mindset from self-blame to curiosity, asking themselves what insights can be gained from the situation rather than trying to salvage the day through frantic re-promising.
Ultimately, the video concludes that productivity is not about forcing oneself to show up or believing one must mean it harder next time; instead, success lies in mastering the skill of responding constructively when plans fall apart. The speaker proposes a radical definition where procrastination itself is not the problem of inaction, but rather the problematic reaction of fear and guilt following that inaction. Once these emotions are stripped away through practicing "proper failure," the barrier between wanting something and achieving it disappears because there is no longer an internal narrative labeling one as uniquely bad or incapable. The final takeaway encourages viewers to get good at not showing up first, thereby eliminating the cycle of shame and allowing genuine consistency and productivity to emerge naturally without the need for constant self-correction or harsh judgment.
Read the full video transcript
In this video, I want to show you how to
fail properly. There's a right way to
fail and there's a wrong way to fail.
And it's very, very helpful if you can
know how to fail properly.
Um when we're talking about overcoming
procrastination and become a consistent
with things, okay?
If you can learn how to do it properly,
to fail properly, to procrastinate even
properly,
to make commitments to yourself and not
show up, to do that properly. There's a
way to do it properly. It can um make
being consistent and overcome
procrastination, it makes it so much
easier for you. So, you can actually
become consistent and overcome
procrastination.
There's a right way to do it and a wrong
way to do it. Okay?
So, let me explain. That's what I hope
to give you in this video here today.
Show you the right way to do it.
So,
to do that, let me explain something. Um
People will say
all sorts of things in life
that they they you know, I want that
thing. Um I want the relationship. Or I
want to be more consistent in my goals.
I want to take more action.
And yet they can feel very frustrated
with the sense that it's not
materializing. Okay, it's just not
happening. The wanting seems to be
there, but the materializing isn't
happening.
So, when that's the case,
we usually are not aware that while
we're wanting it,
we're also afraid of it at the same
time.
Okay, so there's if there's the a fear
attached to the wanting around it. The
for the the desire around it.
And that makes it incredibly difficult
for it to materialize for us. So, if you
take example the example of someone who
says like, "I really want to find a
great relationship in my life."
But then they look at well actually, I'm
also terrified of being in a
relationship.
I've had a lot of painful experiences in
the past.
And the thoughts of going through that
again are actually really, really scary
and terrifying for me. So, there's that
it creates this sort of a
stalemate where nothing happens.
Now, look at our example here. What I
typically talk about in this channel is
being productive.
And you might say, "Yeah, I really want
to I mean I've read loads of books on
it. I've read I looked at all these
videos. Looked at all these different
theories and productivity systems and
whatnot.
And I really would want to be
productive.
But what if you're also afraid
of being productive? And not in the
sense that you're afraid of the success
that will come from that.
My experience is that because we have
tried so many times in the past to be
consistent to all these different
approaches and strategies,
we have learned that it's a very risky
thing.
Because it leads to failure,
disappointment, and guilt trips.
Okay? So, while you might say you want
it, you're also more than likely very
afraid of it.
So,
what I'm talking about here is basically
taking all that fear out of it.
So, that you can actually have it. Okay?
We remove the fear of being productive.
The The thing we're afraid of is that
we're going to screw it up again. We're
going to try something We're going to
try it again. We're going to try this
new approach. My book has an idea in it.
Uh it's called After You Don't Show Up.
But even if you wanted to try that,
right? You might think, "Well, there's
all this fear around I'm probably going
to screw it up.
I've screwed up every other approach or
strategy I've ever I've ever taken with
this.
So, what I'm proposing
is that we get good at allowing
ourselves to screw up.
So, if I try the thing and I screw it
up,
that [snorts] that's okay.
If I make commitments to myself
and I screw that up,
I don't honor them.
We get good at that. Now, there's a
right way to do it and a wrong way to do
it.
So, what is the right way to do it?
Well, first of all, what's the What's
the wrong way to do it? Maybe it's
better. So, in the book, what I talk
about is, okay,
you're making you make a commitment to
yourself and you don't show up. Okay, so
we've screwed it up.
We We didn't show up for the thing that
we said we would do. Made a commitment.
The wrong way
to handle that
is to
recommit to it
once you've screwed it up.
Okay, I didn't do it at 11:00. I know
I'll do it at I'll definitely do it at
11:20.
This is the the idea of reflex promises,
these these scrambling to make up for
the failure.
Okay, so I failed and this is now my
response to the failure.
And so there is guilt. I'm feeling the
guilt for not doing the thing. I'm also
feeling anxiety, but I'm relying on
these promises to make myself feel like
I'm still in control.
That's the wrong way to handle the
failure. The failure,
once you know how to handle it properly,
is not a problem and you lose all fear
around it.
You lose all fear around it, you can
actually start to have what you want.
So, the right way to do it is yes, to
make commitments to yourself.
Okay, we should be making commitments
now, small commitments.
I talk about that in the book also.
Um we make small numbers of promises to
ourselves,
but we make small small small in scale.
And when we don't honor them, which is
human and allowable,
you're allowed to not show up for
something. That's not a sin, it's not a
crime, it's human, it happens.
But the right way to handle it is to
pause.
To say, "Okay, instead of scrambling
now, instead of pushing harder, instead
of berating myself, let me pause.
Let's take all the fear out of that,
and let's now use that as a way to look
at what just happened so that I can grow
from it and and take insights from it
instead of scrambling."
That's the right way to fail.
You get good at that,
failing properly like that,
all the fear and guilt goes out of it,
right?
You're allowed to do that.
Once the fear goes away, as I said, you
will actually have that ability to be
consistent and productive in your work.
So,
that's the invitation. You can learn
about it more in the book,
but it's pretty straightforward, right?
You don't recommit. You commit once to
something,
that's important, right? We should be
making commitments to ourselves, small
commitments.
But when I don't honor it, instead of
recommitting, recommitting, scrambling,
chasing after, trying to re- compensate
for it,
instead of beating ourselves up about
it, we pause.
Instead of going into guilt, we go into
I wonder what really happened. We bring
a curiosity to it.
And ask yourself, how often have I done
that sincerely?
Or have I typically been in the
scrambling, trying to make up for it, or
trying to really save the day all the
time?
Right? That is not a good way to respond
to the failure of a broken commitment.
And no one tells us this, but that in my
experience is the way that you get good
at it. So,
my approach to personal productivity
isn't about forcing yourself to show up.
In fact, showing up, believe it or not,
as strange as this sounds, showing up to
do the thing is not the most important
thing.
It's the skill of learning to respond to
the times when you don't honor your
word.
Right? That's it. So, my definition of
procrastination is different to most.
Most people would say procrastination
is failing to show up for something even
though you expect to be worse off for
not showing up for further delay.
And my definition of procrastination is
very different. It's
procrastination is not a problem if of
inaction. Procrastination is a problem
of reaction to inaction.
So again, with that definition, you're
totally allowed not to show up.
Right, you want to make an effort to
show up, sure.
But if you don't show up, that's fine.
That's not where you're going wrong.
More than likely, what's going wrong is
how you respond to that moment with
fear.
Fear and guilt.
And the more fear and guilt there is
around this, the more you are going to
want it but not want to go near it.
Okay. So if you can take the feel the
guilt the guilt and the fear out of
this,
you can absolutely have this. There will
be nothing standing between you and
having that productivity and
consistency.
There's nothing different between you
and anybody else. We have this narrative
and because of the guilt that I'm
uniquely bad or I'm uniquely
incapable of doing this. It's not
complicated.
All productivity is
is the ability to make a promise to
yourself and follow through on it.
And do that often.
That's it. That's not complicated.
That's that There's the secret to
success in life. Make commitments to
yourself and follow through.
And continue to do that again and again.
So and then we hear that of okay, I have
to mean it harder or I have to really
now really commit to meaning it.
But that's not the skill.
The skill is okay, that is the path.
What do I do when I don't follow through
on it?
We go into guilt. We go into self-attack
and we go into re-promising and trying
to salvage everything.
You don't do that.
You get good at not showing up.
Right, that's how you become consistent.
Get good first at not showing up. I know
that sounds so bizarre,
but that is honestly, that's the fastest
track forward here in this. You get good
at that. You take all the fear and guilt
out of it.
And that's gone, you're you're you're
you won't recognize yourself with this.
So, I hope that's useful. The book, the
link is below. It's called After You
Don't Show Up, How One Counterintuitive
Rule Ends Procrastination.
And you can reach me, my information is
below. Thanks so much for watching these
videos. I always appreciate it and uh
I'll see you again very soon. Take care.
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