You Need a Quest, Not More Motivation or Discipline

You're listening to Beast Over Burden powered by Barbell Logic. >> We're Nikki and Andrew, your personal professional coaches. >> We help you take control of your [music] fitness through hard but doable training and nutrition practices that fit your busy life. >> Build a stronger, healthier version of yourself with lifelong [music] habits. Hey everybody, welcome to Beast Overburden. We're kicking off another series today with me, your host Nikki Sims. I'm a coach at Barbell Logic. And my fellow host here, Andrew Jackson, also a coach at Barbell Logic and the founder of Turnkey Coach. Welcome, Andrew. >> Hello. >> Andrew's got his hood up and glasses on, which either means he's got a headache. He's really mad. He just wants to look scary, which is kind of >> I have zoom anyway. >> Zoom fatigue. Zoom >> fatigue. >> Yeah, the glasses probably feel nice. Uh what do you call it? >> Polarized lenses. >> Polarized lenses. So it kind of like blocks the screen. So I have to tilt my head. >> I like it. >> So [laughter] just give my eyeballs a break. >> That sounds good. So many zooms. You had such a great conference for turnkey coach this last week. That was really cool. >> Just what was it? Five hours or four and a half hours? >> Yeah. I didn't get up to pee the entire time. It was that interesting. >> You [laughter] have an iron bladder. you and Coco can go [laughter] so much longer. In that same period of time, I had to get up [clears throat] at at least twice. [laughter] Uh, including one right before we started and then I still had two more to go. >> So, [laughter] granted, I was I've been hydrating lately. >> Yeah, that's true. Waking up and chugging a nine. >> Quick shout out to hydrating first thing in the morning. I [laughter] actually had it on my nightstand. I used to do this all the time. I would just have a nice an algae a liter hanging out in the fridge and I would drink that first thing in the morning. >> Oh man. But that's >> and I forgot how good that feels. >> Yeah. >> To have the have water in there. First off, you're just, you know, I get I lose like three pounds overnight and it's all water, >> uh, so rehydrating and then it also dilutes the coffee, >> you know, because coffee is usually the first thing that I have >> and I find that kind of mellows things out and I just feel better. Um, but anyways, the the downside is I kick off a bunch of my morning meetings with >> Yeah, you always have a frontloaded morning [laughter] of calls, too. >> Yeah, exactly. So, everything's a trade-off. >> Everything's a trade-off. That's what whenever I imagine like having a conversation with you about something that I'm wrestling with, just like, well, I know Andrew's going to tell me that everything's a trade-off, so now I need to just have that conversation in my head. [laughter] >> [gasps] >> Anyway, so I'm excited to kick this off new series about acting like you care about your body because there are a lot of us, a lot of you who want to feel good in your skin. You want to be proud of how you look. You want to eat well. You want to be a person who lifts or looks like they lift. But in order to be that person, you have to act like it. And a lot of times the actions really come before that sense of identity. So if it feels like too big of an elephant to be a competitive powerlifter or too big of an elephant to be 30 pounds lighter and have a heavier back squat, let's start with little actions that you can do to get yourself there. And I like or you had a great idea, Andrew, to kick this off with the potential driving force behind all this. How would you describe that? >> One of the presentations yesterday from John Gagleon talked about how and I think it was just sort of like a casual statement offhand. It wasn't like the the purpose of the presentation >> came out in Q&A. He was just talking about how he thinks it's valuable for people to have a [snorts] quest >> and in particular men, but I think it's true for anyone. And it actually kind of flashes back to working with Dan Flanic and the um youth barbell club that we had for a while >> where he was very intentional about naming his programs around what I would essentially call a quest. And they were usually kind of fun, you know, like the gorilla arms challenge or something like that, you know, but it basically gave these kids a program that they they had a name. And the name is just a way of creating a quest. >> And you know, for all the gamers out there, you know how powerful that is to walk through the village and have somebody ask you to sign up for a quest. And then now you have [snorts and laughter] a reason to go out into the world, into your edge of discomfort, and challenge yourself. Mhm. >> Um I just had a client who was on the podcast earlier talking about his Msokei, his annual trip and uh this was his hunting trip to Alaska where he was in multiple situations that in his words if he made the wrong move he would die. >> Oh my gosh. >> So rule one of the msogi is don't die. But rule two is there should be about a 50% chance that you could die. [snorts] >> Wow. I'm am not suggesting that people do that with their training, but it's the same idea that having a meaningful quest and what's meaningful to you, like for Rob, it, you know, there's some component of the risk of dying that adds meaning to it. I think that's really what it what it does ultimately. >> But for a mom, it might be being able to pick up her kids. uh for a grandpa might being able to, you know, play with his grandkids or do lawn work. But I think framing training with some sort of quest or mission or purpose, meaning >> makes it so that it's not just this agenda item that you have to check off the list or take your medicine, >> but it's something that you actually look forward to because it has uh reason behind it. >> Yeah. Yeah. Has it has you know your why. >> Yeah. And it becomes I did a Instagram post on this a week ago or something. It turns this fantasy into something that can actually become a reality because it creates action where you have skin in the game. >> Yes. like someone's quest might be to reduce their um cholesterol because if you don't reduce your cholesterol, you are far more at risk of early death and other sickness. That's huge. But it becomes like so if you want to become someone who has healthier metrics, part of that is reducing your cholesterol. And then you have a set of actions that you have to do to get there. And it's no longer a fantasy. It's no longer just reading. Now it's something that you do each day and it drives you. And that one is 50/50. Like I'd say that one counts as you know if you don't do this like it actually is more risky to your health. >> Yeah. There's probably a formal framework for what I'm about to say, but I think there's sort of a a journey, a common journey that people go through where typically there's some sort of event or new comes to life, to quote Labowski, new information that brings awareness to a problem or >> a desire for change and that then begins sort [snorts] of this searching phase. It might feel like something is wrong, something's not quite right, something's clearly wrong, you know, if it's a scare, >> but it could also just come in the form of like I don't like the way things feel right now or I don't like the way I feel or for I had this phase in life for many years where I couldn't put my finger on it, but I was doing all the things that I thought I was supposed to do, the things that I thought I wanted to do, but something just didn't feel right. And so I was in this seeking phase for a really long period of time. And then there becomes some sort of a uh transition or an epiphany I whatever there's like a moment of clarity where all of a sudden now there's this goal and that defining feature for me would be in that searching phase there's a awareness but no productive action to change the situation and so there's this stuck feeling. Mhm. >> And then there's some kind of moment of clarity. That could be a decision that could be uh often it includes a recognition that there is a desired future state that is different than the current state. >> That gives the meaning. And then to your point, when it starts to feel productive is when there's action. Mhm. >> If all you do is wallow in your current state, shooting or wishing >> the grass is greener somewhere else >> or desiring but taking no different action then it's a very uh that's a very stuck it's a very demoralizing >> self-fulfilling. >> Yeah. You just keep repeating the same patterns. And >> I'm sure there's also all kinds of psychological theory, but you know, my take on it is that we keep repeating the same behavior until we've learned the lesson that we need from whatever that phase of life is. >> Uh such that we are able to take the action to the next next chapter >> towards that future state, that desired future state or that mission or that quest. >> Yeah. And what's also interesting to me is there's a lot of emotion about being excited about this fantasy that you want to have. Like you imagine yourself looking like someone who you saw on Instagram or how you used to look or you know like you think that you could have this life and there's a lot of emotion with being unhappy with where you are right now. It's a valley. So like fantasy is like a peak and when you're unhappy with where you are it's a valley big emotions but when you're taking action it's actually kind of boring >> and so I find it easier >> to get caught up in like the the wallowing like you called or the excitement but once you start actually kind of making something an agenda item [laughter] like which you have to do like a lot of things you just have to do you have to send the emails You have to go on the walk. You have to do the things that don't have a huge dopamine hit and don't give you as much satisfaction as those peaks and valleys. One of the things I've noticed is that I can recognize over my life that there are certain emotional states that I would almost addiction is the wrong word, but I start to almost associate with normal that I feel a certain level of anxiety or stress or discomfort around want, you know, things not being the way I think they should be or they that I want them to be uh without and I and so I'll sometimes in a weird way find comfort or I'll find myself creating these situations over and over again that generate that whatever that anxiety or whatever that you know uncomfortable >> undesirable feeling really. >> Yeah. But that has just been so ingrained as a pattern in my life >> that >> sometimes I find myself uncomfortable >> when I don't feel stressed out because or feel that anx used to >> that triggering action for you like I got to be on the watch out. Um, and so that plays out as so often a failure to take action because the antidote to anxiety is action. >> As soon as I start doing, I don't have those emotions anymore because I'm >> now taking action. And so I, you know, boring depending on how you look at it. You know, some people might >> peaceful. >> It's peaceful. which some people, you know, might peace might actually seem boring to somebody who's used to feeling that constant >> friction and tension >> or the need for something a new life that they don't have. >> Yeah. And then once you dial it in and realize like, oh, I need to do these very simple, hard, effective things over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again and incorporate that into my life and then >> I start moving forward. I start changing. I find peace. Uh that's it, >> right? >> I don't have [laughter] to be this, you know, the hero's journey is the really repetitive simple hard effective stuff over and over again. It's not some big heroic like massive championship thing, >> right? >> I don't know. Sometimes that can be boring, I guess, to your point. >> Yeah. And like we don't even know oftentimes, this came up during the conference also, that we have a story that's really interesting and not boring, but we're just busy living in the same day and doing things that [snorts] we forget that it's actually something exciting that changed our lives and that other people can learn from. >> That is so I I'm sure that's been around forever to some extent, but in the social media era, it is on steroids. It is amplified. so much because the bulk of what we see in those environments are highlight reels from people who are who have become so good at telling their story >> that they show up on your feed. Mhm. >> And so you've you have this highly curated feed of things you're interested in, people you're interested in because it's being jammed down your throat. products >> who are products, you know, wrapped in experiences and stories >> that are presented to you in this highly palatable uh well-crafted way because that's who gets repeated and shared and you know that's how the alg algorithm propagates. And we were talking about this on the call yesterday, somebody who, you know, had a very interesting story, >> but from their perspective because it's their daily lived experience, it doesn't feel like a story. Mhm. >> Um and so it's kind of a demoralizing I think for a lot of people who are just constantly looking you know like we talked about in on the business of uh coaching workshop we had Mike Kraussen from ARFunnel and you know his analogy was you know if you're really into Labradors your social media feed is just going to be inundated with Labradors. You're going to think the whole world is just Labradors. >> [laughter] >> retrievers, you know. So, whatever like whatever dog you're into, it's going to seem like the entire world is that dog. >> And, you know, it's a silly it's a funny example, but >> the real world equivalent is going to be, oh, you know, uh, everybody in your feed has >> six-pack abs and is deadlifting 600 lb and they're 120 pound female >> uh, who's been training [clears throat] for six months, >> right? has a huge problem or something. >> Yeah. And then you're like, well, I think that's what I should be or I feel like I am. Like, I got my dopamine hit from watching all these girls and now I'm good. It's like, wait a second, you actually haven't done anything. And >> Right. >> Yeah. And then your dopamine depleted. >> Yep. Yeah. >> You just blew it watching that. And so there's I I do think there's a period of rewiring the brain. >> It takes a while. I think that's one of the keys to coaching and John Flag talked about this uh in his presentation. I thought it was really well put that part of the job of a coach during the first 30 days is to help their client define winning and help them see that they're >> see when they've won. Yeah. Because you really forget about it. Well, a new and a new client. For us as coaches and lifters who've been doing this for 10, 15, 20 plus years, we see 20 pounds go up [snorts] on the bar or we see somebody's squat mechanics radically change in two, three weeks and we're like, "Oh my god, this is amazing." But to somebody who hasn't wired their brain to recognize that as winning, >> they might just feel like they might just feel like, "Oh, I'm only squatting 20 pounds or 45 pounds, the empty bar. >> How come, you know, but that six-pack influencer, you know, 18-year-old is over there squatting 500 pounds. I'm I'm nothing." Like, they don't see progress as the winning. It's just the comparison to the absolute. Yep. And then there's no action because you might even think, well, I'm never going to do that, so why even try? >> Right. >> Yeah. Yeah. So, acting like you care about your body, we'll go back to that lens. It's still important to have something to like have that fantasy. It's fine for it to start there, but then it has to become actions that are created around the real life obstacles, you know. >> Yeah. It's cliche to talk about, you know, the eat the elephant. >> I actually find that really helpful, honestly. >> That [laughter] there's only one way to do it, and that's one bite at a time. >> I think it should be like eat the brisket [snorts] >> because that's still that's exciting. If you were to lay an entire brisket on my plate, >> there's no way. Well, I would want to eat it [laughter] first. I I don't want to eat an elephant. >> I do want to eat an entire brisket, [laughter] >> but there's no way I could sit down, even on my best day, I don't think I could sit down and eat a 15 pound brisket in one sitting. >> Yeah, >> I have eaten 15 pounds of brisket in my life multiple times. >> Oh, I know. Like in a short amount of time, like [laughter] >> a week. So maybe >> there's so many cycles of, [laughter] oh, I'm just going to prep a sandwich and then you've eaten a half a pound of brisket and then you have your sandwich and it's like, oh, I'm so uncomfortable. >> The most frustrating [laughter] part is getting uncomfortable before I even eat the meal, >> right? >> Because I'm just like eating as I'm slicing. I'm like, [laughter] I should probably test this. >> This piece looks good >> section of the brisket. And then [laughter] by the time it's time to actually like [snorts] make the brisket, man, I gonna have to make some brisket this weekend. I'm like slobbering right now. [laughter] [laughter and gasps] >> All right. So, first step, first action you can take is think about a quest that right now is inspirational. It is something that will force you to do things that you are not doing now or doing things differently and you will have to take many actions to accomplish. >> Jordan Peterson has talked about this. I mean, it's always a risk when you throw somebody out there who's kind of uh >> polarizing, but >> he has a program called Future Authoring, >> which you know, say what you will about him as a person. The exercise I found personally to be very useful. Write out in as much detail as you can a future version of yourself, a future life that you want. What does it look like? What clothes are you wearing? What city are you living in? What house are you living in? What is your what are your relationships look like? What does your work? >> What's your day like? >> What's your day look like? Um >> how does your body feel? >> To make it concrete to this, but >> get it as granular as possible to the point where you can actually like see [snorts] it, smell it, you can [clears throat] feel it in your body and >> and it's yours. Yeah. to me that that you know rather than coming up like that's the to me that's the difference between goals which sometimes if you say like well go create a quest it's like well I want to go squat 500 lb that's kind of a goal right that's like a thing you can aim at and when you hit and you check off the list I don't know every time I've done that and it sort of ends up I think there's a brief moment of satisfaction and there's certainly some of those that I'm glad I did. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that, but this, you know, vision, future state vision, you know, or vision board, maybe that's a better one. I should have gone with vision board for all the woowoo folks out there because that's not as, you know, polarizing as JP, but uh it's the same idea like creating this a detailed enough future state version of your life that it inspires the more important part, which is well maybe not more important, but the more productive part which is the action. >> That's fun to think about. And it's I find myself right now imagining not exactly like ways that I might look or things that I might have in a future state, but it's like that sense of peace and that ability to look back and be proud. and to have a day that feels a certain way, >> which is kind of interesting to to, you know, journal about what that might be. >> Makes it easier to hold yourself accountable >> on the on the day. But I think sometimes when you're in the grind and you're just waking up and you're it feels like you're doing that boring stuff we were talking about. >> Mhm. >> I think sometimes you can kind of disconnect from the why because the why becomes I have a meeting at 8:00 or I have to work out at 3:00. >> Instead of waking up fired up because you're on your quest, >> right? you were you think about well I just imagined this person in a year >> how would this person act >> right now in the moment >> and you're like well I better act like that >> it creates a sense of urgency now >> instead of it being this abstract future thing that's >> seems unattainable it's the yeah I better eat this slice of brisket right now if I want to eat the whole thing >> that's how a person who eats 15 pounds of brisket acts >> I better [snorts] start squeezing the juices directly into my mouth. [laughter] >> Got to act with a sense of urgency. [laughter] >> Sounds motivating. >> Actually, step one is I need to drive down to the store to pick up a brisket. >> Pick up some brisket. [laughter] >> Get that get that get some get that rub on it this afternoon so I can cook. [laughter] >> I hope you It sounds great. So, that's it for today. For the rest of the series, we're going to talk about the real actions you have to take based on actual obstacles that you're going to run into and help you act like the person who you want to be. So stay tuned for next week. Thank you, Andrew. >> Thanks everybody for listening.