Video summary
The video challenges the conventional wisdom that procrastination stems from a lack of action or discipline, arguing instead that it is fundamentally a problem of reaction rather than inaction itself. Traditionally defined as failing to follow through despite expecting negative consequences, this standard view leads people to believe the solution lies in doing more, hustling harder, and planning better before starting tasks. The speaker contends that this approach is incorrect because it ignores what happens immediately after we fail to keep a promise to ourselves. Instead of viewing procrastination simply as not getting things done, he reframes it as a chronic issue caused by our reflexive responses to failure, specifically the habit of making immediate "reflex promises" or recommitting to tasks right away without understanding why we didn't do them in the first place.
When we fail to complete something, our typical reaction is often self-blame and judgment, labeling ourselves as lazy, undisciplined, or lacking maturity. These labels act as a defense mechanism that allows us to calm down by restoring an illusion of control through immediate recommitment, such as saying, "I'll do it later when I feel better." However, the speaker explains that this cycle prevents genuine insight because we assume we already know why we failed without actually investigating. By pausing and refusing to make these reflex promises immediately after a failure, one creates necessary space for reflection. This pause allows individuals to realize that their default explanations are often superficial judgments rather than true causes, shifting the focus from changing personality traits to understanding specific situational factors like feeling overwhelmed or having taken on too much pressure due to cultural expectations of perfection.
The core solution proposed is a counterintuitive approach centered on stopping and creating boundaries around recommitment for at least one day after failing to act. This practice helps dismantle the cycle of reflex promises that keep people stuck in a pattern of undermining their own self-trust, even though they are reliable with others. By treating non-completion as significant enough to warrant investigation rather than guilt or immediate correction, individuals can uncover nuanced reasons for their struggles, such as excessive pressure or poor boundaries, which were previously hidden by the rush to recommit. The speaker suggests that this method is so distinct from common advice that it may feel uncomfortable at first due to an inner voice urging us to hurry up and do more, but committing to just five days of this new protocol can lead to profound insights into why one struggles with productivity.
Ultimately, the video concludes that overcoming procrastination does not require doing more work or exerting greater effort, but rather requires stopping long enough to understand what happened when we didn't show up. This shift in perspective transforms a chronic conflict within oneself into an opportunity for rebuilding self-trust and adopting a more human, detailed understanding of personal limitations. The speaker emphasizes that most people are trustworthy individuals who simply do not realize how they have been damaging their relationship with themselves through repeated cycles of broken promises and immediate recommitment. By embracing this original concept that focuses on the aftermath of inaction rather than just the buildup to action, viewers can break free from years of struggle and develop a sustainable approach to personal productivity that addresses the root causes of procrastination instead of merely treating its symptoms.
Read the full video transcript
So, I think I had better say something
original here about productivity and
procrastination because there are so
many videos out there
on the topic.
I don't want to waste your time
right regurgitating what other people
have said or
um
you know,
making you sit through other forms of
torturing yourself and trying to hustle
yourself and get geared up to take
action. I wanted to say something
original in this video and I think this
is original.
So,
the issue here and this is this can have
profound
uh this can lead to profound changes in
in your personal productivity and it's
in how we understand procrastination.
How we define it even. Okay, cuz I'm
going to offer a different definition of
it here and it's a definition I talk
about in my book after you don't show
up.
So, here's the original concept.
Procrastination is typically
traditionally defined as failing to
follow through on things even though you
expect you'll be worse off for that
delay. Okay? So, failing to follow
through on things. That's how we've
typically defined procrastination.
And using that definition,
it implies that the solution would be
that if you're going to overcome it,
that you will need to take more action
more consistently, that is. Okay?
And I think that's wrong.
I think there's a much more useful way
we can understand what it is and it'll
lead to a solution that actually works.
So, how I would define it as opposed to
saying procrastination
is the inability to follow through on
things
in spite of expecting to be worse off,
I define it as procrastination
is not a problem of inaction.
Procrastination is a problem of reaction
to inaction.
Okay?
Procrastination is a problem of reaction
to inaction.
So, this is where we get into the
nitty-gritty of it of the solution. How
do we overcome it? And it's very
counterintuitive.
So,
let's say you decide I'm going to do
something today.
Okay, I'm going to do it. Time comes, I
don't do it. There's the inaction, okay?
Now, as far as procrastinate the the
traditional definition is concerned,
that's the problem.
Right? So, now for the next time, what
you got to do is
do more action. In fact, do the action
pretty quickly, actually, even. Right?
Probably should do it soon.
But, you got to work on
the in the inaction problem, right?
My solution, what I propose, is that we
stop.
And we look at the reaction we have
after we didn't do the thing. So, it's a
problem of reaction to inaction.
So, no one thinks to look there.
But, that is where this problem becomes
chronic.
Okay.
So, what is the typical reaction we
have? Well, first of all, of course, we
we beat ourselves up sometimes. We
shrug shoulders and think, "Oh, god.
What's wrong with me?
Why aren't I doing this thing?"
But, much more
um sinister
is
Well, not sinister, maybe, but unhelpful
is that we
get into a habit of recommitting
after we failed to follow through.
And I call them reflex promises.
Okay, look, not now. I'm not I I I'm not
feeling this. Um
I'll wait until this afternoon, when
probably I'll be feeling a bit better,
and then I'll try it again.
That's the reaction.
Okay? And
that's coming from like attempts to to
fix the problem, okay? I didn't do it. I
need to take the action. So, I'm going
to do that. And that is the wrong
response. It's a wrong reaction.
Right, that's why I call why I call them
reflex promises. It's And And they they
come up again and again and again after
we failed to show up for something.
Okay, so And
it looks like the right thing to do. It
It implies that you care and you want to
fix the thing and you've identified your
problem. I need to take action. Okay,
I'm going to recommit. But it's the
recommitting
that's the problem because it happens
after you've just broken your own word,
your own commitment to something.
And what's actually required after that
happens is to stop and say, "Hang on,
what happened?
What just happened there?"
Instead of recommitting
to something again, even after we've
just broken our own word, we say, "Stop.
Okay, I'm uh
I'm going to need this bit of space here
now
to figure out what just happened there."
I need to slow right down
and stop recommitting
and really figure out what happened
there.
Now, we think
we already know
what happened there.
I'm a bad person is what happened there.
I'm lazy,
not organized, not serious enough, not
mature enough,
not disciplined enough.
I'm not a serious person.
Therefore, I don't have to really look
at why I didn't show up there at all. I
already know.
But all of those things I just said
there are all judgments.
They're labels you stick onto the
behavior and think you have it solved
when you don't have it solved at all,
but you think you do.
We all think we do when that happens.
So, the solution here is to not
recommit,
to pause and assume, instead of assuming
you already know why you didn't show up,
you assume I don't know why I didn't
show up there.
And that's going to take a little bit of
sitting with,
a little bit of space, a little bit of
reflection.
A little bit of not recommitting
immediately.
In the book, my my protocol is that you
don't recommit to it that day.
Okay, so you give yourself the rest of
the day a boundary from recommitting or
a boundary from repromising. It removes
these reflex promises. I'm not going to
use them now anymore.
See, the the reflex promises are there.
They're actually defense mechanism.
Right, right. So, they're like
it's still Okay, I didn't do the thing.
Well, look, I'll do it soon. And that
helps us calm down. It helps us relax.
It helps to restore a sense of I'm still
in control. I can still salvage this.
But if we're doing that, that underlying
explanation, well, I'm just not a
serious person, is the default
explanation for why you didn't show up,
and it's wrong.
Okay, it will never let you figure out
actually why aren't I showing up.
So, again, the definition I'm using here
is procrastination is not a problem of
inaction. It's a problem of reaction to
inaction. That's where it becomes this
chronic problem that can go on year
after year after year. And we think it's
only
I really need to mean it this time.
Right, next Monday's going to be
different. I'm really going to try now
on Monday.
Like you haven't tried before.
Right? You have tried.
Trying is not the issue.
Effort is not the issue. Insight, lack
of insight is the problem.
So, when you stop long enough to look
and assume that you don't understand why
you didn't do it.
And you'll look and and you'll probably
see that those explanations come up in
your mind. Well, what's wrong with me?
Everyone else can do this. Why can't I
do it? What's wrong with me? That's
what's wrong. That's the answer.
And you don't let yourself recommit to
it. You just say, "Well, okay.
That's the initial response maybe that's
coming up.
You sit with it.
You You realize actually that answer is
not going to do it for me now, actually.
That's not moving me forward here.
Hasn't helped. I've said that to myself
a million times.
And I'm still here.
If that was really the solution, I
probably
would have got more more benefit from
it, right? It would have helped me
somehow.
And it's a hopeless solution.
Right? Doesn't give you anything.
Other than trying to change your
personality or something.
And the the truth of it is the answer is
much more human. And it's it's
it's more detailed, it's more nuanced,
it's more personal.
But it's more human.
And it's the the typical one is that
you're overwhelmed.
You've taken on too much. Or you've been
influenced by your culture to the point
where you think you have to do
everything perfectly all the time.
Put so much pressure on you, creates
this resistance.
And it's like, oh,
well, following through is hard when
there's a lot of resistance to it.
So, we start to look at
how can I not overwhelm myself?
And that's actually useful.
How could I have better boundaries with
things?
How could I stop putting immense amounts
of pressure on myself
to do things? These are just examples of
things that you will discover when you
pause and you look and you give some
space to reflect instead of
recommitting, repromising, reflex
promises, reflex promises.
And it's remarkable how quickly
you can turn this whole thing around
once you stop doing the one thing that
most of us have been doing for years
and that no one talks about. That's why
I wrote the book on it. It's I think
it's an original concept on personal
productivity. And I think
I think original concepts
in personal productivity are rare.
I have read
dozens and dozens of books over the
years and I could name
three that I think are genuinely
original and helpful. Insightful. Right.
One of them is Neil Fiore's book
um The Now Habit. Another one I think is
a really great book is um
The One Thing
which is very insightful. I'm not saying
there aren't others. Of course there
are. But I'm just saying it's it's a
rarity because the the our our culture
is
the way we're defining procrastination
as a problem of inaction.
And it's therefore it's all about the
build-up to doing the thing and making
sure that you're in the right space of
mind and that you're
planning properly and you've got the
time management uh system in and
you've got all these things and it's all
before. And nobody stops and thinks,
"What about after you didn't do it?"
What What's happening there?
Cuz that's where it becomes chronic.
That's where you can regain control over
this.
Okay. So you can And And it's so simple.
It's not about doing more. It's about
stopping.
Stopping for that day and saying, "Okay,
something something significant just
happened there and I can't just go on
and keep recommitting. I need to pause
with that. Not showing up for something
that I promised myself I would do
is significant. Now the problem is
there's so much guilt around it. When
I'm saying it's significant, I'm not
saying I'm saying the opposite. It's not
something you should feel guilty about.
The problem is we do feel guilty about
it.
But it is significant enough that we
should say, "Pause.
That's That's interesting.
That requires a little bit of time and
attention now.
Cuz if it happened in a personal
interpersonal relationship with a friend
and you kept doing it what's it going to
do to the relationship with your friend
or your partner or your wife or your
husband?
Right? You keep saying you're going to
do things and you don't do it. In
interpersonal relationships, it's more
obvious.
They go, "Okay, well, that's going to
damage the relationship." But we're in
this pattern, unfortunately, of damaging
the relationship with ourselves.
By And the problem isn't that a
a lack of promising, usually,
or a lack of action. It's
the re-promising.
Right? It's the
not pausing to figure out, "Hang on,
what just happened there?"
So,
check out the book. The link is below.
But it's it's a very original um
approach to this.
And it doesn't take a lot of time for it
to start having an effect. Usually
within I talk about a protocol for 5
days. If you can commit to trying this
approach for 5 days, and they only ask
for 5 days because it's such a weird
idea.
Like I'm telling people, "Don't do
more."
Okay? Pause.
Which is the opposite and and people who
are have this problem with
procrastination. The reason people don't
want to read the book,
if they don't want to, which I
understand completely,
is that
everything inside them, that inner bully
that's in there, is like, "Hurry up. Do
more. You're out of time. You're out of
time. You're waiting You're wasting your
potential. You got to do more."
Anything that tells you, "Pause,"
there's going to be that voice in there
that it feels a bit uncomfortable with
it. And that's why I'm only asking for 5
days. Right? If you try it for 5 days
sincerely, there's a protocol, steps in
the book about how you do it.
And and things to look out for when
you're applying it.
But if you can try that for 5 days,
I can almost guarantee you that you will
have some sort of a serious insight
about how you're relating to yourself
and why you've struggled so much with
personal productivity.
So,
that's the invitation. The book is
there. I'll be making more videos on
this and talking about it. I think
it's it is an
very, very powerful idea that isn't
talked about long enough uh often
enough. So, that's why I want to keep
talking about it and I think it has a
huge potential
to help people come out of this conflict
that they're in with themselves all the
time and not understanding it.
Because most people who have this
problem
are incredibly trustworthy people. And
that's what baffles them. They can't Why
do I keep undermining myself? Why can't
I commit to myself?
I can do it with other people. I can I'm
very reliable. Ask any Ask 100 people.
Ask 10 of my closest friends and they'll
tell you I'm very reliable.
But why am I not being reliable to
myself? We don't know how
we've been undermining ourselves.
We think more action is the solution and
that's actually going to undermine us
more.
So it's it's counterintuitive and that's
why I put only ask for like a 5-day
commitment to try this and
after that I'd be amazed if you didn't
have a genuine
significant or profound change in your
understanding of why you've
procrastinated and why you've struggled
with this for so long and you'll come
away from it with a new approach to this
that is completely opposite to what you
tried before more than likely. More more
more
probably completely the opposite to what
you've done before.
So I'll leave it there for today.
Thanks, guys, and I will see you in the
next video. Um
my information is below, the link for
the book is below and you can find me my
information for one-to-one work as well
if you're interested. I'm also running
um weekly support groups
for this issue.
Okay, rebuilding self-trust. So the link
is uh you can find that on my website.
It's under community.
There's a tab for it on my website and
uh we will be meeting weekly to discuss
uh anyone help anyone who is working
through and applying the ideas in the
book.
Thanks for being with me. See you soon.
Take care. Bye-bye.
>> Mhm.