xtsurge: Beki Auclair

Welcome to Christ Surge, a program of the Spark of Humanity Network. My name is Martha Holden. I'm a member of the Spark of Humanity Network. And today we have with us Becky Oakclair, who is the chair of the board of deacons at the Weightsfield United Church of Christ. And we'll get into that in a moment. I just want to tell you remind you that the spark of humanity network has developed from the insight that there is a spark of humanity in each one of us and that it cannot be extinguished. It cannot be corrupted. It cannot be polluted. The territory around it can get a little funky, but it's there. And that when you through your spark of humanity getting in touch with it connect with and affirm the spark of humanity in someone else that changes things. Through that you can become an agent of transformation. So through following in on this insight, we became aware that there is something more than the spark of humanity going on in the world and that there's a living process of which we are members and which lives within us and presses to live through us. We are calling that process Christ. We consider it the dynamic of evolution and sense that at this point we are in a global surge of this Christ consciousness evolution of consciousness. And so that's this series. The Christ search series is about talking with people, having people talk with us, exploring this idea that things are changing in the world of consciousness, spirituality in the world. and that it's good to become aware of that and accept it so that we can learn how to live fruitfully within it and engage constructively with this change that's happening that's bigger than we are. So Becky, speaking of change and things moving and not staying the same, could you tell us a little about your faith journey? I'd be happy to, Martha, and thank you for inviting me on the program with you today. Uh, I was raised in a very traditional, very devout Roman Catholic family. You know, uh, attending church is an obligation in the Catholic faith, though. So, church every Saturday or Sunday, church on holy days, um horse shows, cross-country races, other activities that I might want to do were secondary to that always and at times that was prickly for me. Um and also my experience of the Catholic theology and many of the priests, the Catholic leaders, the priests and man seniors was not something that I felt brought me any closer to the vine to to the divine but actually created more of a separation. I experienced a theology of shame and guilt and um basically I think the church uses the language being fallen. So needing to strive my whole life in order to be accepted by God, by the divine, in order to be worthy. As a result, when I was 16, my mom said if I no longer wanted to attend church that it was on me. And I said, "No, thank you." [laughter] Yeah. And stayed away from the church for uh about that long. And then as a mid30s person, I got connected with the Mont Pillar Community Gospel Choir. >> I had sung in a gospel choir at Wesleian my Wesleyan University where I went and was happy to be singing again. Was happy to be singing this, you know, spiritual music. And for a while it was just the right amount of church for me. But then there were a few things that came together. Uh our life sort of shifted in a number of ways. We had children come into our life. Our house was catastrophically damaged by uh tropical storm Irene in 2011. And we found ourselves as a family back in church. And that puttered along just right for about a year. Then there were significant changes in that church and we went to the next nearest by church which is the weightsfield United Church of Christ and it was my first experience of being in a community that was led by a woman. So, uh, the minister at that time was Nancy McHugh. Uh, really great person who was doing her best to incorporate a non-gendered >> vision of the divine, in her leadership, in worship, in her language. And I had experienced that a little bit before I left the church at 16. My mom and I went to a pretty hip Catholic church on the Wesling University campus. and the the community there had sort of an evolving notion of this. But uh so this was something that I was familiar with and really resonated. And from there my hope, my belief, my experience of what might be possible in relationship with this larger force uh with the creator, with God uh really began to shift. So when you were still being a child in the Catholic church, you you did you have any sense of God and it was removing from you or you just removed from having any sense of God? I had a sense of God. And I think there was maybe one time during a retreat that we did for our confirmation class where I actually was able to sit quietly and maybe start to hear like >> just the the timber of that still small voice. But mostly I experienced Catholicism as a rule-based system of what is right and what is wrong. And because of being a child, being a teen, I felt like mostly I was stepping in the wrong side. >> Right. Have you seen any changes in the Catholic? And now you're outside of that, but are you seeing any voices or people in the of the Catholic tradition that are speaking more to where you would have wanted to hear as a child? Well, it's interesting because there is quite a combination right now. Um so something that was almost impossible to find when I was a child growing up in the church child and young adolescent >> was Catholic mass and I am understanding that more and more churches despite I think a recent papal ruling that uh that Latin Latin mass was >> not really the thing to be doing in English-speaking countries. Um, so there are more Latin masses available now than there were when I was a child. Um, and to me that feels like conservatism in its truest sense, like going back to the early early origins of the church. And I imagine in those environments the philosophies, the theologies of those earlier churches are also present, though I don't really know. I don't speak Latin. Um, [gasps and laughter] and there are some really powerful Catholic voices who are committed to walking with God, to living in Christ, to doing the work of Christ, which in my belief is to, as Father Greg Bole, >> uh, >> a Jesuit priest in Los Angeles, California, who is the founder of Homeboy Industries, the world's largest gang rehabilitation organization in the world. Yes. But he's he talks about standing with those on the margins until the margins disappear, which I think is is just beautiful. And Jesus embodied another really great uh leader in Catholicism, right? in Catholicism right now who may also be a Jesuit. The Jesuits kind of have it going on um is Richard Roar who's done >> he's a Franciscan. [clears throat] >> Sorry, St. Francis. [laughter] Yeah. And Richard Roar also really really in his work, in his writing, in his speaking brings out this notion of an abiding God, of a companion God, of a God who who adores us and delights in us regardless of where we're landing on the the past fail spectrum. >> Right. Good. So that so that it sounds like maybe your your spiritual journey is feeling more whole now because that gives you some some healing of the past to hear these voices now in Catholicism. But >> yeah, >> you're continuing on with your own experience with the United Church of Christ. How >> yes, >> how is that and how has that been? And are you sensing where it might go? >> Um, all great questions. So yes, I do feel some healing of my Catholic wounds in these contemporary voices and I I look forward to learning about more um clergy and lay folks within Catholicism who um have similar theologies to Greg Bole and Richard Roar and I'm sure there are many others. Um, I at at one time I was considering doing it's called RCIA. It's like it's like a adult education for people who want to convert to Catholicism. And I didn't want to, you know, reconvert to Catholicism, but I was curious as heck about what it was that they were teaching. I didn't do it. Um [laughter] um but I, as you said in your introduction, I have taken on several points of leadership in our church, the Wesfield United Church of Christ, which is a Protestant denomination. Our church is very progressive. We're what's called an open and affirming church, which means that people of all points of belief, of all ways of being in the world, are welcome. not only welcomed but really affirmed in who they are. >> Um so we're a very justice focused organization. Um and that comes through not only in on Sundays in church but also you you can see that expressed in the uh choices that that people who attend our church are making in terms of um how they're speaking out on front porch forum or how they're participating. and, you know, weekly standing up for justice or, you know, uh providing rides for folks who need them, volunteering at the food shelf. Um, it feels really to me like a like a lived theology >> that that strives for greater equality, relief for people who have been cast aside by society. and um just a wonderful way to live in balance with humanity and the rest of creation. >> You talk about live theology. Is there some Do you want to talk more about the way you personally are living >> the theology or not? [laughter] >> Um well, I guess I don't know quite how to answer that. I mean, I do. So, you and I met at the farmers market, did we not? [laughter] >> Yes, >> I I think we did. I can't remember if you picked up something of mine um at a store first or maybe we met at the farmers market. got in touch with you and then we met at the farmers market >> and and when we first talked on the phone >> before you hung up you said blessings and I was like [laughter] I wonder what Martha has going on. [laughter] [gasps] And um so uh doing the farmers market is a ton of work and it can be a ton of fun too. And one of my favorite things about it is the way that I get to be in relationship with people who might have an interest in what I'm doing or my stuff. And when I'm there, I feel like it is a unique opportunity to really hear people >> and to love them >> because people arrive at the other side of my table in all sorts of shape, all sorts of weeks. Um and the farmers market in Montpelier has a very faithful local uh group of consumers. So I often see the same people week after week >> and am you know blessed to learn more about their lives including their struggles and uh in part of my work at the church right now on Sundays I often lead what we call joys and concerns which is a chance for people to speak about whatever it is that's on their heart that day. Um, and so, you know, sometimes someone might say something to me at the farmers market that really seems like there's a need for prayer. Often people say things at the farmers market to me where there's a need for prayer and I will I'll voice that during joys and concerns. >> Oh, okay. >> Yes. So, so the Weightsfield church is has heard names of vendors and consumers and friends through the farmers market often. >> So, there's no it's in your life and so you're living it wherever you are. >> That's my hope. I mean, I think really that's what God wishes for us, right? We many of us, you probably say it in your church, we say it in our church, you know, we say we some people call it the our father. We in our church call it the Jesus prayer and um the the minister in our church right now has a really strong commitment to inclusive language also. So where some churches might say our father, we say our creator and there's a line in that prayer that um asks you know us to live on earth as it is in heaven. And I really wish for that for all of us. I really wish that we could all find our way to experiencing heaven now. I I don't know what comes next. I'm curious about it. But I do know that I have this time now and I can be whatever quality of human I choose to be. M >> and if I can create a little bit of heaven for myself and for other people, I feel like that's worth trying at least. >> Do you have any, if somebody watching this were to say, you know, that sounds good. How do I do that? Where do I start? Do you have any hints or ideas about how >> how people, you know, might just start living into that themselves? >> Yeah. Trying to find that little piece of heaven on earth >> or create it or live into it or >> right. Well, I mean certainly for me there have been a few things that have been really pivotal. You know, uh singing in the Montpelar Community Gospel Choir has was a huge blessing. I am no longer a part of it. But since then, I have found other opportunities to sing. Sometimes in worship, sometimes not, sometimes in the community. And so getting together with folks and making a beautiful noise regardless kind of of how we feel about what the sounds are that come out of us, >> being being in that resonance of that sound, those words, that's really powerful. And that as I mentioned before was a was an important step in me turning back towards trying to find a deeper level of spiritual life. Um so that was one thing and then you know certainly I can recommend two books that are profound both by Greg Bole both different and uh the first one is called Tattoos on the Heart. his first book that he wrote about his journey in creating Homeboy Industries. >> Um, and he talks about his early life, uh, maybe even a little bit before his call as a priest, his his early his early work as a Jesuit in LA. Um, so that's really beautiful. I feel like really accessible, not overly preachy, Catholicy, anything, just really beautiful. And then he did another book which is equal parts lovely, beautiful um graffiti style illustrations by this um very talented artist whose name I can't think of right now. And that book pulls from his other works. I think he has three published books. >> Mhm. >> And so there'll be a beautiful illustration. Many of them are of trans people >> coincidentally and beautifully. And then there is um excerpt you know sometimes one or two pages worth of an excerpt from his earlier book. And that book >> is called forgive everyone everything. >> Right. Because wow, it is really hard to find heaven on earth. [sighs and gasps] If you're in a lot of pain, you know, a lot of us are in a lot of pain. And for me, a piece of moving past a chunk of that pain has been forgiveness, forgiving myself, forgiving other people. >> Right. That and we can practice doing that without even reading the book. >> We can practice doing that. Yes. [laughter] Yes. Another great book that I uh have read a few times and refer back to from time to time is called the book of forgiving and it's by Desmond Tutu uh Archbishop Desmond Tutu your dude and and his daughter who I believe is also clergy Muo Tutu >> it's really really powerful he talks a lot about the South African journey of the truth and reconciliation process but also there's There's exercises in the book, you know, you can kind of create a journal that goes along with the book to do these exercises >> where you can work on your own forgiveness journey. And I think the most important thing that they offer in that book is that forgiving is a process. I I love that it's not called the book of forgiveness like it's a noun like it's a one thing. >> It's the forgiving an ongoing process. And you know he remarks that the forgiving process like especially if it's around an experience or an event sometimes we go through that over and over right we have anniversaries of people's passing of harm that happened to us of harm that we that we created >> and on those anniversaries for a lot of people that those wounds reopen. But with practice you can move through the process of forgiving oneself, forgiving others and find I think really essential inner peace that then maybe you can share >> right and that it yes what's the inner peace ripples out whether we use words or not it has an impact. >> I hope so. Yeah. The my experience of forgiveness the it has I have to find the willingness to forgive. >> Yes. [sighs] >> My my personal s sense is maybe and I guess it's my experience is that it's the nature of the crisis the nature of the there's a move towards redeeming. There's a move towards healing if we let it happen. There's it just the natural flow is towards forgiving and letting go. >> Humanity bends towards justice. >> Yes. Yes. And other good stuff too. And so it's a matter of what we're holding and how we're holding it >> in our hearts and in our minds. And so to be willing to >> I'm just going to open up the possibility of forgiving. Mhm. >> I'm willing often with friends of mine, we talk about, well, are you willing to be willing to be willing to be willing? [laughter] >> Well, I might be willing to be willing to be willing to be willing to be willing to be willing. [laughter] >> So, it's it's getting getting honest >> is crucial, I think. >> Yeah. And then and then slowly my experience is that over time you know every years if I keep being willing and check my level of how many levels of willing do I have to be eventually I get to oh I'm willing to forgive >> and then it's a grace that happens. It's like there's no switch I can turn >> to >> yes >> be engaged in that process and it takes and as you intimating the willingness to forgive ourselves to be forgiven as well as to forgive others. It's a it's a because the the door swings both ways. I mean you can't block it off. >> Yes. Yep. That's very true. And um I think for people who are interested, you know, the sacred texts offer us, it's it's so interesting, you know, to to take on uh segments of the Hebrew Bible and of, you know, the Christian testaments >> to take them on with adult eyes >> because so many of the stories are familiar, right, as as a churchgoing person as a churchgoing family, you hear pretty much the same stories and there's an annual cycle of them, you know, with different variations. >> But the thing I am noticing the most recently is what a bunch of knuckleheads the apostles, Jesus's apostles are. [laughter] And news flash, we're the apostles, right? [laughter] >> So, what a bunch of knuckleheads they are. and how the texts are full of stories or myths or accounts, however someone wants to hold them, of people who have really messed up, really messed up. I mean, Moses, who was held up as one of the greatest prophets, you know, freeing the Israelites from enslavement by the Egyptians, >> killed somebody before that whole story happened. Right. Right. Um, King David, you know, in the direct lineage of Jesus, >> rapist, murderer, like, [laughter] what else could we say about King David? He's like one of my favorite biblical characters to hate. You know, I love to hate him. Um, [laughter] and and working on forgiving him. Um, right. Um, but it's just, you know, over and over, right? the the book is full of humanity at its worst and then redemption and you know we could shine the like spotlight on Jesus on the cross forgive him forgive them oh God they don't know what they're doing right and not just them and then but all the time, >> right? We still don't know what we're doing. [laughter] >> We still need forgiveness. >> Yes, we do. We really, really do. Yep. Yep. But you know to work on self forgiving finding that sense of peace with oneself and then thinking okay you know yeah there's this terrible thing this terrible real thing that has a real impact on me or maybe has had a real impact on people I love or whatever. H how do I get to a place of balance with that? How do I get to a place of letting go? I mean, you know, every most weeks I try to remember when I'm leading the joys and concerns to offer prayers for our world leaders. You know that they may come to see themselves as beloved by the divine and then rule, relate, decide with understanding that the balance of humanity and the rest of creation is also held in that same love and grace. That's not an easy one all the time. >> I'm sure it isn't. >> Yes. >> Yeah. But I don't know how else things start to change. >> Right. Right. Yes. I think that Well, we have 5 seconds, so we won't go into uh >> we won't go into the awareness that we need forgiveness. >> Yeah. >> Because many of us don't even notice it. Maybe. >> Yes. Thank you for joining us and thank you Becky for joining coming on board and thank you for Orca as always. >> Thanks Orca. >> [music] [music]