Why You Need to Proactively Change Your Thought Patterns & Beliefs | Gabby Bernstein; Impact Theory

Once you start to develop a spiritual relationship of your own understanding, you'll notice wild synchronicities in your life. You'll notice invisible doors open for you. And even though you're a science guy, you have a lot of God in your life whether you realize it or not because you wouldn't be sitting here right now being driven by this great force of inspiration doing the major things that you've done in this world if you hadn't been tapped into that source in a way that you understand. Okay? So maybe you find it through fitness. Maybe you thought, you know, I'm sure that when you're in in your in your mode in your zone in that flow, you feel a different energy within you. Something shifts. I do. Oh, here's the thing. I love coming to consensus. That is like a deep drive within me, but I also um it the truth is that the way that you and I would translate it would be so different that in some ways it will have different outcomes. Hey everybody, welcome to Impact Theory. Today's guest is a number one New York Times best-selling author who Oprah called a next-generation thought leader and the New York Times dubbed a new role model. And those are not the only high praise monikers being thrown her way. Her inspiring social content and incredible string of best-selling books such as The Universe Has Your Back, Spirit Junkie, and Judgment Detox have seen her called a lot of names. YouTube named her one of their 16 YouTube next video bloggers. Mashable said she's one of the 11 must-follow Twitter accounts for inspiration, and Forbes listed her as one of the 20 best-branded women alive. Oprah named her to the SuperSoul 100. Self-Made Magazine ranked her as one of the top 50 women in business, and Dr. Oz has had her on frequently as a guest expert on his massively popular show. She's also an internationally sought-after speaker who has motivated audiences across many of the most well-regarded universities around and delivered memorable talks on some of the most prestigious platforms in the world, including the TED stage and Google's lecture series. She even co-hosted a Guinness World Record-Setting Group Meditation Session with spiritual luminary Deepak Chopra. Her insights into the human condition and the steps for bringing your dreams into reality have seen her featured by virtually every major media outlet there is, including PBS, CNN, The Wall Street Journal, People, Elle, Women's Health, and countless others. So, please, help me in welcoming the best-selling author of Super Attractor, Gabrielle Bernstein. That's today's intro. It is an amazing stream of accomplishments. So, thank you so much. I know you talk a lot about doing things out of service and really getting yourself aligned and you know, not doing things for your own sort of personal glory or satisfaction, but really stepping into something that you think will help other people. And that is quite literally what Lisa and I have dedicated our lives to. So, it is always interesting to dive into somebody's world who has a similar view and approach. So, Yeah. thank you for being here. Yeah, thank you. One of the things I want to talk about, and this is one of my favorite ideas that you have is the notion that between you and feeling better is a decision to stop feeling bad. Yeah. Bingo. Which gets into neurochemistry for me and like the ability for us to consciously shift our moods. Yeah. How does one do that? Well, first let's address the viewer or listener out there that's like, "Well, I'm depressed, or I'm broke, or I'm chronically ill. How could I decide to stop feeling bad, right? Let's just be real with that one. And uh I want to give an example of what that meant for me in my own life. And so uh recently, about 5 months ago, I just uh was diagnosed with postpartum depression, anxiety, and insomnia. And having authored seven self-help books and having to to really fall to my knees and realize that there was something really happening here. And the reason I was able to find the right resources and doctors and and even medication that I needed to to live, to survive, to not, you know, not do difficult things to myself, was uh because of this method, because of this belief system. Even in my darkest moment, even in the deep depression, I was able to say that each day I could reach into what was a better feeling experience. So, I You would think through what that look like? I would celebrate the good stuff. I would say, "Okay, I slept one extra hour last night." Or thank Thank God I have a husband and child care that can support me through this period. Or I am opening up now to the possibility of taking medication if I have to. So, even just leading leading myself proactively into a better feeling thought. Even if that better feeling thought was still kind of low vibe, it was better than despair, right? And so, it is reconditioning your your brain functioning, but it's also a spiritual act because when we have those moments where we say, "I'd like to see things differently." That's actually a prayer, right? And the more often we do it, we change the neural pathways. You talk about thoughts taking form. I find that really interesting and and I'm This is a terrible way to say it, but I'm glad that you went through something so profound because I think there's a lot of legitimacy then that's lent to that because the So, Lisa and I, a dear friend of ours, his son just committed suicide, and that is so scary to me that you sort of believe that that neurochemistry is going to last forever and if you're not taking steps to get out of that whether it's going and seeking professional help, getting medication, and certainly spending time to remind yourself that these things are ultimately changeable one way or the other, it it becomes a sense of despair like you said. Yeah, and I think that you're making a really good point which is that that I am glad that this happened to me particularly now that I'm feeling much better, but I can look back and say, "Okay, that was that was divine work. That was intended. That was no accident." Because now I you know, for I've been speaking for 15 years on spiritual topics, but I was never fully I was probably part of the stigma. You know, I was like I was looking at my audiences and saying like someone would be like, "I'm depressed." And and I wouldn't ever in a million years say get off your medication or like that was not my style, but I would say things like, "Well, you know, you need to deepen your meditation practice." And there is actually a point where your meditation practice just doesn't work. And that was the case for me, you know? It's like when you're dealing with a biochemical issue, your tools will no longer work and that was exactly what happened for me. And I love that I can speak to that with authenticity and I love that I can really really look at mental illness with so much more compassion, understanding, and education than I would have had I not been through this myself. And to speak publicly about the fact that I had to go on medication right when I was about to launch my seventh self-help book, you know? And then it saved my life. Yeah, I love that. The one thing that you talked about I forget where now, but you were saying, you know, "I'm standing on stage and somebody asks me, um hey, I feel like a fraud. I'm a life coach and I'm trying to tell people how to do this." And but I feel like I have my own issues and you were like, "Girl, I'm my own head case and you know, I've got the mic and my face is on all these books." But acknowledging that and and processing through that is sort of how I'm able to actually do something useful for people. Walk us through the process the process of how you in the midst of that despair, one can remember that there are steps to getting out, and then two, being able to frame it in a way where you can have appreciation for it. Yeah. Well, first is that throughout the last 20 years I've really you know, 15 to 20 years I've had a really devotional faith practice and faith of my own understanding, really believing that there is a higher power working with me. So, even in the darkest moments of despair, getting sober at 25, it was that faith that led me into the next right action. Remembering trauma in 2016, it was the faith that got me out of bed in the morning and out of that desperation. If we can, I'm going to sort of pinpoint some mile markers. You you want to come back to the the remembering trauma? Yeah, we can go back to it. I I would love to understand that. So, it had it had been completely just forgotten, you weren't in touch with it at all, but you had sort of physical symptoms. Yeah. Yeah. Would like to go there. Please, I would Okay, here we go. And I really want to go there because we're all walking around traumatized, right? Let's be real. Every single one of us has some kind of trauma that's dictated the path of our life. And we are, you know, I I have this 10-month-old and I look at him and he's so free. He's so fierce and amazing and free. And every day I'm just like, please stay there as long as you can. And you know, even the littlest things will help will guide us to detour into fear and build this pretense that we begin to develop. But then there's the the more severe cases where someone has had sexual trauma or or you know, physical trauma or mental, you know, mental abuse or whatever it may have been that you know, really derails them. Particularly as children, what happens is is often when you're a child, you're it's almost too much for you to take on that you dissociate. And it's like your brain's actually brilliant, right? The brain just takes it and tucks it away and says, we're going to store this over here because it's too scary to face. And so, I've no memories of my childhood. The zero. Up to what age? Really, I mean, even I really don't even remember much from high school, but but but but mainly like the, you know, the you know, infant to 15 or whatever it was, right? And I and I always had these sort of imprinted memories of like visuals or like the closet or you know, just sort of imprints that when I thought about them I'd be like my body wouldn't lie. My body would be like, "Ooh, we're not going there." You know? And then I had all these different symptoms. Drug addiction, I had uh I had work addiction, TMJ, gut issues, chronic pain in my neck. Uh these are all trauma symptoms, okay? Um and and worst of all was this like desperate need to be in control. Okay? Because if I was in any way feeling out of control, I wouldn't feel safe. And a feeling that I couldn't trust anyone. Okay? So, there's more. There's more than that, but that's those are the big ones. And so, I I was I was always just in this like very frantic state and and I always thought like, "Okay, um I'm okay because I have faith and I have God and I have all this." And so, I can bring myself back, bring myself back. But it was this constant yo-yo of being so far out and then coming back and so far out and coming back and melting down and coming back. And listen, you know, it was exactly as it needed to be and that time I probably wrote six books, right? But it was it was it was difficult and then around 2016 I started cracking into something. I was having like my whole left side of my body went numb and I had to have MRIs and it was stress-induced. And and it was getting worse and worse and then, you know, I was actually in LA just down the road at my friend's house and that night I had a dream where I remembered being a child having sexual trauma and then I remember being an adult confronting it. And when I woke up it was the most real experience I've ever had in a dream where I woke up and was like, "That happened?" And then what did I do? I said, "Hell no. I'm not looking at that. Goodbye. Hell no." Um and then ultimately what happened was days later I remembered it in a therapy session. And so, that that moment of remembering was the scariest moment of my life, but it was the catalyst for my great healing. And the freedom that I have right now sitting with you. I love your concepts around healing and healing takes time and all that. Is how does one begin that process? So, awareness, that's what it seems like part of it. Yes. Walk people through how to begin that that journey. Yeah. Whether they've realized the trauma or just in general. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So, ultimately, I think when we begin to identify the root cause of our conditions and we become conscious enough to look at the places that scare us and say, "Okay, you know, I don't have a gut condition, I have a trauma condition." Or I don't have an insomnia condition, I have an anxiety condition because of the way I was brought up or whatever it is. And we have the bravery to go to those places, whether it be through the guidance of a self-help book or be through the guidance, ideally, of of a psychiatrist or a therapist or somebody that can guide you or counselor or or a support group to look at those places or 12-step program and to do that inventory. You have this opportunity to recognize that the conditions that you've placed upon yourself are not the problem. The root cause is what's causing it and is what's there. And so, the first step is to really honor the wounds and really really respect yourself for having the bravery to even look at them. Because so many people walk around trigger trigger trigger trigger trigger all day long trigger trigger trigger. Little things out of control, they blow up, you know. This thing happens, they shut down. And it's just all day long constant triggers. And the first step to really healing that behavior and that kind of fight or flight lifestyle, really, is to begin by recognizing that there's something underneath it. That's the first step. So, you begin to recognize there's something there. You're in the yo-yo mode of you're able to rebalance, but something then will retrigger you and it pulls you way out. You rebalance again, but then it pulls you way out. How do you begin to get to the point where either you're pulled less far out, you're pulled out less frequently, um how do you then take that next step on that journey? a great question. So, in my recovery from remembering the trauma, it's been 4 years now. I have done a deep dive of uh lots of therapy and EMDR therapy, which I highly recommend. Never heard of that. What is it? on, really? EMDR? Yes, yes, yes. You're going to want to do this. I mean, everyone could benefit from it. It's eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. And it's um you hold either buzzers in your hand that buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz or in your ears buzz, buzz, buzz or you would have someone, you know, going like this back and forth, your eyes are going back and forth. And while you're buzzing, you're going into the emotional disturbance. So, you may not asking you questions and that you have a therapist as an EMDR trained therapist guiding you, and they're they're helping you identify like what is the what what what is the uh the direction we're going to go in today, right? What is what's the trigger that we're going to touch today? And it may not be like you go right into the trauma. You actually could be going into the guilt that you have right now. And much like emotional freedom technique, are you familiar with tapping? Nope. Uh you tapping vaguely, yeah. So, I teach tapping. I can speak you know, more from that standpoint, but uh similar EMDR and tapping, it's like the the issue is like a tabletop, and once you kick out one leg that's an aspect of that the next leg kicks out, the next leg kicks and then it starts to dissolve, right? And or the table falls. So, in the case of EMDR, you can go into these different disturbances and you can really address them while buzzing, and then the buzzing you'll be into this. do? It's bilateral brain functioning. So, it's it's it's unlocking the amygdala ultimately. So, what was found was that when there's that that stimulant that's that's stimulating both sides of the brain while you're talking about the emotional disturbance, there's an unlocking that occurs. And when you say it unlocks the amygdala, are you trying to reactivate the amygdala? Well, no. In some cases, I think what's happening is it's releasing the trauma. So so the trauma is stored and through this process, it gets it get it In some cases, you could have an EMDR session and walk out feeling completely different that day. Interesting. Yeah, it's exceptional. So that's been a really big part of my recovery. Uh emotional freedom technique. What's that? Um EFT tapping. So that's just for the the listener. it called emotional freedom technique? Well, the um the founder of tapping named it emotional freedom technique because what's ultimately happening is, like I said earlier, there's an energetic disturbance. So you're not necessarily tapping to heal the phobia, you're tapping to heal the emotional disturbance that's triggering the phobia. Okay. You got it? And all so the one time that I saw somebody do tapping, they were getting carsick. Mhm. And they started Tapping on the head. tapping and um so w- is it is it trying to get you into using a sort of physical um stimulus to get you into a different mental and emotional state? Is it meant to draw your attention? What what's the goal? You're tapping on different energy meridians while you're talking about the emotional disturbance, similar to the EMDR. And uh that that whole process of like the acupressure and psych- psy- psychotherapy kind of the the the talk the talking through while you have that pressure point is what deactivates that response, that that triggered response. trying to disrupt at sort of a a biological process level. To use my language, energy, to use your language. My my language in this case would be emotional disturbance, right? So uh I With tapping, once again, similar to EMDR, you don't have to tap on the trauma, you could just tap on being carsick. But, tapping on being carsick could activate a deeper level of healing, even if you're not going into exactly what it's about. Does that make sense? Sure. Yeah. It's really it's I mean, I I tap daily. And it the design of that is to basically intercept an impulse, memory, a sort of body level feeling, and begin to create a new association. Is it meant to guide you out of one mood into another or That will happen. Like, at the beginning of tapping, you have a most pressing issue, and you would like, you know, my gut hurts or I'm I'm scared or whatever or I'm nauseous. And then you rate it from uh 0 to 10, 10 being the highest. And when you're done tapping, you you rate it because there's this thing called the apex effect, which means that when when you tap, sometimes you can forget where you were. Meaning, you forget where you've are physically or what you were chasing? you started at a 10 and you get down to a 2, you forget that you were ever at a 10. You're like, "No, no, I was good the whole time. I didn't do anything, right?" So, the most pressing issue is what's what's allowing us to get to uh recognition of the of the of how well it worked in 5 minutes or 2 minutes or something. It's very interesting. So, I saw you do a live meditation one time, very, very briefly. And you said, "Even in the 10 seconds or whatever that we just did that I could feel an energetic shift." Which meditation is something I have a lot of experience with, and it was really life-changing for me. Good. And it's one of those where um I will agree with you that meditation really is for everybody, and everybody should be trying it. And if you're not getting benefits yet, I would keep practicing. going. Um that I understand sort of at a physiological level. I get how we're going from the excitatory impulses of the sympathetic nervous system, we're moving into the parasympathetic nervous system. You You can literally feel yourself just relaxing and and changing. Um are there other um things you do cuz I know that you're an avid meditator as well. I know that you're really intentional about how you begin your day. What are some things that you do to really sort of shape that um energy state. Anybody who's watched me long enough knows I don't use that word, but I know that that uh I think makes a lot of sense for you. So, um yeah, what else do you the word that you would use? I'm all about biological systems. Okay, yeah. So, from that standpoint, and look, you're always very generous with your language, and you're always saying that, you know, whatever Usually when referencing faith, you say whatever shape it takes for you. for you, yeah. So, ways, we're talking about the same thing, just in different you know, it's just I 1,000% agree. and we're communicating in in the ways that are relevant to us. I aggressively agree. that's watching you is like, I recognize myself in him, and I'm going to follow that, right? So, it's it's perfect. Yeah. So, what are things that you do to begin to shape that, whether it's a morning routine, or meditation, or whatever else shifts your energy rapidly? One of the most transformational things I've been gifted with is TM. Transcendental Meditation. You use a mantra? Yes, I have a mantra. course you can't say. tell you. That's so interesting. People really die hard about that that do TM. no way would I ever tell you. Hell no, it's my mantra. And, you know, it's I'm always laughing. I'm like, does everybody have the same mantra, or are they just not telling anyone? Um you know, I I I was trained by the David Lynch Foundation. Um so, being trained in TM was really really beneficial for my trauma. It was really beneficial for most importantly for my nervous system. So, uh you know, I get two two 20-minute meditations in every day. What is the nature of TM meditation? I actually I know it by name. I know that it uses a mantra. I've never done it, so I've no idea experientially. I've done mindfulness, and I've done what I call just breathe. Yeah. It's all kind of interconnected. With TM, you have a mantra, and you repeat your mantra, and you do this for 20 minutes twice a day. And the mantra's sort of just a sound, right? It's not like uh gluten-free bread. You're not saying that and over. It's No, it's not something that you would understand. Om or something like that. Yeah. Okay. So, what's the idea behind the mantra? Is it Is it just sort of clearing the mind? Yeah, so you repeat your mantra, and you repeat your mantra, and you repeat your mantra. And that's a single-pointed focus. A mantra is a single-pointed focus. And when you start to notice yourself go into, "What do I have to eat for lunch?" or "I'm late for my meeting." or wherever you're going to go, the simplicity is that you notice it, and then you just return to your mantra, the same as you would return to your breath. Uh, ultimately being in that repetition of the mantra, then you can ultimately get to a place where you're sort of in this in this as I would say, you know, spiritually aligned state where you are so released from thought that your that your nervous system can relax. But, what I love about it is that I have an anchor that I can continue to return to and just return to and return to. Uh, and now, because my practice is so strong, I can just sit in the back of an Uber, close my eyes, even if like there's crazy music on or something, and just wide awake start to feel this just like deep joy and peace come in. And I also recognize that when I have a TM meditation where I'm thinking a lot, thinking a lot, thinking a lot, but that's okay. That's for any meditation. That's an active meditation. And that's okay, because whatever is coming up during that active meditation is unprocessed feelings that need to be cleared. And even if they're coming up as like, "I'm mad that I ate that for breakfast." it's something deeper, and it needed to come up so you could clear it. So, don't judge what comes up in your meditation. I want to come back to the things you do to shift your energy, but the the whole idea of judgment I think is really, really interesting. So, you have said, and I think very rightly and very profoundly, that, "Okay, look, you're always going to judge, but you want to not believe it." How do you How do do practice that? How did you go from judging yourself, which I think is maybe the most destructive, how did you go from that to realizing this is actually just a story and I don't have to believe it? Yeah, the most important book I've written and it's not the most popular it's called Judgment Detox. And it's funny, it's the one book that most people don't finish. Not everybody cuz there's some real fierce, you know, spirit junkies out there that are like, I got this and I did this and they'll come up to me at events and I can see it in their eyes. I can see it in their eyes that they practice these principles. And I think that the reason that people don't finish is cuz it's hard work. It's it's a commitment and it's a mental reconditioning. And so it's it's much like what we were talking about earlier, you know, witnessing, looking at the the judgment, honoring the the the shame and the wound that lives beneath the judgment, seeing someone for the first time, forgiveness is a huge part of this, meditation's a big part of this and it require even put EFT in the book because it's such a root cause condition that causes us to judge. We judge because we are actually judging a disowned part of our own shadow. When you say shadow, do you mean in the Youngian sense? Yes, and you know, the the the shadow side of us meaning that when we the places that we are unwilling to look at, the ego side, the the part of us is driven by fear and the and the wounds that we have been unwilling to recognize. Right? The unwillingness to recognize those wounds. And so in that in that state of judgment we're often just projecting what it is that we don't want to identify in ourselves. And so if it's, you know, some judging with jealousy, it's because we don't feel we're good enough. If it's judging somebody for having more of what you want, you know, it's it's because, you know, you don't identify as yourself of being worthy. Or if it's judging somebody from the standpoint of or not even somebody, judging yourself is just another form of addiction in many ways. Because it's it's a way of running from what's actually there. Interesting. How is it because you're saying that it gives people something to obsess on and focus on and so they don't have to what's really underneath it. That's interesting. right. So Judgment is an addiction. 100%. So Mhm. I've seen a lot of people in my life, close people, family members that are just like pretty much judging all day long. Judgment deeply, deeply in judgment. And what I also identify in that person that someone that has not done any personal growth work, that's someone who has uh not dealt with trauma from their childhood, someone who is living in fear and the way that they're staying safe is through judgment. The same way somebody else would be like, I'm living in fear and the way I'm staying safe is to anesthetize with drugs and alcohol, right? It's another form of addiction. That's interesting. So for you, the definition of addiction is basically something that you obsess on to allow you to not deal with the things that are knocking at your door. Anything that you uh obsessively put in place of your core emotions and feelings. Anytime you're trying to anesthetize, anytime you're using anything to avoid facing the truth. And I've been in sober recovery for 14 years and I can really honestly say that it's trauma that leads us into addiction. What led you out? I don't remember coming across any big sort of rock bottom story. Maybe I just missed it. It's because it was 14 years ago and that's what I was talking about that. I've had other rock bottoms since then. But what was the thing that allowed you to flip the switch? So I was 25 years old when I got clean. And um I had but at the time, as you know, I I had not identified my trauma. I didn't know why I was using. I had a whole story in my head about how perfect my childhood was. That's the thing that we do. When you're traumatized as a child, you like build a story around your life. Like, oh, everything was perfect. Like, I was good, right? And so, I was like, why would I ever become an addict? Well, now I know. But, uh I was I was really, really heavily trying to prove myself to the world. I was for I 21 years old, I started a business that was a PR business representing nightclubs. And so, that was the perfect place to run and hide. And of course, you know that would lead down the road of in my case, cocaine, which was my drug of choice because I wanted to be in control. And so, uh uh cocaine is a is a great drug that can take you down fast, right? You know? Um and it's and it's also, you know, I feel blessed that cocaine was my drug of choice because it's easier to get off of. It's not necessarily easy, but it's easier than opioids and you know, heroin and what a lot of people are dealing with today. And so, uh I I actually hit such a bottom where I was sitting in my studio apartment. It was like, I don't know, 5:00 a.m. Staring at the stack of self-help books next to my bed because I was seeking, seeking, seeking all throughout my addiction, seeking. And looking at those self-help books and thinking to myself, I'm so far away from that. But, that's I know that's who I am. And I sat on the floor of my studio apartment and I said to myself, God, universe, whoever is out there, I need a miracle. I I was just I I sent out the call. I need a miracle. And that day, I heard a voice of my intuition, my inspiration. It's really moving to me right now because I just celebrated 14 years. Congratulations. Thank you. Uh the that inner voice of you can call it inspiration or intuition. I call it God. Said to me, get clean and you will live a life beyond your wildest dreams. And that day, I went to a recovery uh program on my own. I walked right in and I got sober that day and I've been clean ever since. And yeah, last 2 weeks ago, I celebrated 14 years. And my sobriety gave me everything. Because my sobriety was uh uh it's getting clean, you put down the drink and the drug, but if you're getting clean with the with with really good spiritual guidance, it also opens you up to a higher power of your own understanding. And then that dictates the rest of your life. Why do you think a higher power is so useful? I've heard that spoken about a lot with recovery that the notion of letting go and relying on something bigger than yourself is somehow very very useful. It's not just for getting sober, it's for for life, in my opinion. Uh and like I say, I love the language of the 12 steps, the higher power of your own understanding. Because we were told or in my books I was saying, "This is your God or this is your angel." Everyone would be like, you know, "Screw you." And I think what's working so well is just saying, "You decide. I'm here to crack you open and you decide." Once you start to develop a spiritual relationship of your own understanding, you'll notice wild synchronicities in your life. You'll notice invisible doors open for you. And even though you're a science guy, you have a lot of God in your life whether you realize it or not, because you wouldn't be sitting here right now being driven by this great force of inspiration doing the major things that you've done in this world if you hadn't been tapped into that source in a way that you understand, okay? So maybe you find it through fitness. Maybe you thought, you know, I'm sure that when you're in in your in your mode and your zone in that flow, you feel a different energy within you. Something shifts. Oh, here's the thing. I love coming to consensus. That is like a deep drive within me, but I also um it the truth is that the way that you and I would translate it would be so different that in some ways it will have different outcomes. So for instance, we'll take patience. I know you encourage people in the book Super Attractor to be patient. It's one of the chapters. And I have railed against patience in my social content and all that and I rail against patience for a certain type of person. I don't think everybody should take my advice. I think people who want a stress-free, the easier, gentler way to live should probably avoid me and virtually everything that I say because I'm not leading people down that path. Yeah. So, it's interesting. I so agree with you on like our ability to shift our energy and stuff. I think you're more patient than you think. Let me let me let me let me let me completely reorg this, okay? first have to ask you to define patience because if we simply disagree on the definition, then we're ultimately saying the same thing. is faith. Patience is faith. Patience Without faith, you can't be patient. Faith in whatever it is that you're doing in life, whatever it is that you desire. And so, the reason that you have so this fast-paced way of doing things and get it done and allow it to have is because you're faithful. It's because you believe in it. I don't agree. Okay, go ahead. So, I'm going to keep pushing back to you on this. I love that. And know that everything I say I say in good faith. So, I think that you're bringing something beautiful to the world. I think you are beyond sincere in your desire to help people and you take so many amazing steps to do that. Um so, my thinking is that one, I don't have faith in a higher power or even necessarily myself beyond that I will keep putting energy and effort into something. But, I spend so many mental cycles trying to figure out how I'm wrong that that is the birthplace of my my fear of patience. When people, if they're if they're trying to accomplish something extraordinary, so let's define that cuz I don't think that it is a necessary path. I don't think anybody has a moral obligation or for finding a partner, yeah, it's different, right? Um it probably would be. If somebody were in your own story about fertility, I think it's a very powerful example of the right move there is patience. Patience as I tell people not to be patient, but I think in that particular case the relaxation that is needed Let's Yeah, let's park that here cuz I want to talk about like that kind of stuff, but I also really am digging what you're saying. So I I see something that I need to say. Please. So, you're saying I have this way that I unpack things, correct me if I'm wrong, and find the fault so that I can make sure that it's going to be this elevated thing that's going to show up in my life. Is that correct? Um I don't understand the use of the word elevated so impactful. I am I won't even go that far. I will just say that impact happens to be my goal, but I'm actually driven by goals. Yep. Goals do not have an infinite number of paths to achieving them. There are only certain paths that will work. And so, I think people are the reason that most dreams never come true, and this I think we will disagree on at least in the words that we use. The reason I think most dreams don't come true is that people never develop the skill set they need to actually get there. So the same thing in many ways. So, my thing there is when somebody is patient and they think things will just come to them, it's beyond false. But when I hear you say things like you have to just go, I'm like, okay, that I'm with a thousand percent. we go. You are practicing in your life a principle that I have in Super Attractor called spiritually aligned action, and it's a method of creating, but creating from Forget the word spiritual alignment cuz that's going to take you out. Instead it's joy. So, you have fun unpacking things. You have fun reaching for goals. It's like it's your driving force in life. It it's it it wakes you up in the morning or wakes you up in the middle of the night with excitement. It's what It's what has created this, right? Part of it. Okay. Okay, it's joyful for you? It can be. Okay. And and joy follow the fun, which is one of your maybe not mantras, but like I love that notion. So, my entire book, Super Attractor, it has the premise that it's good to feel good, and when you feel good, you are a super attractor. And so, you could be hustling, right? And feeling good, and still like working where I work a lot. Like I I hustle at times, right? And it's when I'm in that joy, and when I'm allowing inspiration to move through me, that I'm taking what I refer to as spiritually aligned action. So, I could be doing way more than imaginable than the average person, which I can do. I have the capacity to do more in one day or 1 hour than people could do in 2 months, okay? That is just because I'm so inspired by it, because I'm so psyched about it. And that's what you're doing, okay? And so, when I say you are actually act- actually living in a patient state because you believe in what you're doing, because you have joy with that's coming through with what you're doing. And so, when you take action from a place of spiritual alignment, okay? And that spiritual alignment comes with making sure that the desire or goal is backed with service and love, which I know is 100%, right? That's correct. I know that. I wouldn't be sitting here if it wasn't the truth the truth. That that's So, that's number one, the first step of spiritual alignment. The second step is believing, and I know you believe in yourself because we would not be sitting here if you didn't. I believe in humans. Okay. You believe in humans, and you believe that you're here to facilitate service and love for humans, yeah? Uh now you're getting into meant to be, which I don't believe in. So, I have chosen that path. That's right. Okay. So, that's that's the path I've chosen. So, you believe, right? Believe in what? Believe that the actions that you're taking have purpose. Yes, I have imbued the actions that I take with purpose, and I do think that we have innate reward systems for helping the group. Yep. And so, being of service to other people is neurologically rewarding, whether you want it to be or not. in that, yes. Yeah. In whatever form it's right for you. And then the third step is take action from a place of spiritual alignment. So, when you take actions, right? When you pick up the phone you're about to make that big call that's going to begin Quest, right? Or uh start Impact Theory, you feel good, right? When you make that call? I probably I mean certainly back at Quest I would have felt terrifyingly anxious, but Anxious, but excited, yeah? Yeah, I don't want to get lost in whether I was excited or not cuz everything you said up to this point is wonderful. I think the only sort of edge case moment where and I don't know if it matters, Yeah. but the edge case where I would say we disagree is is is the notion of patience. So, there is a part to the law of attraction where it's like, "Hey, the universe is actively working for you." I don't believe that. I think the universe is neutral. It is beyond indifferent to what you want. But do you believe that what you are is is calling in what what you are? Does that make sense? understand the question. So, that like the energy that you're putting out and maybe just or the intentions or the purpose that you're putting out is coming back to you. Do you believe that? Just just humans will reflect it back. So, if you are rad to be around and this is straight out of your book. If you are you don't use these words, but if you're rad to be around people are going to want to be around you. You're much more perfect. You're much more likely to get people that want to team up with you and then a lot more things become. So, I think we agree on so much. So, just on the the patience thing so that we close the loop on that. When it comes to patience, I think that the reason people's dreams don't come true is they never acquire the skills to actually be able to execute against it. It's like building a house. Wanting it is not enough. You have to go become an architect. We are 100% on the same page about that. This this chapter in Super Attractor is called Spiritually Aligned Action. It's not a chapter on just sitting on your ass and meditating and thinking it's going to come to you. It's a chapter on taking action. Like Gabby Bernstein wouldn't be sitting here right now having authored seven books in eight years if I didn't take some action, right? I'll give you the language that I use that people often confuse for patience, and you're going to be tempted for a minute to believe that we're saying the same thing. So, I really, really believe when you look at the world at large, and maybe we disagree on this, but when I look at the world at large, the vast majority of humanity never make their dreams come true. The vast majority of humanity live in a dark and terrifying place. They die before they ever figure it out. So, I've given my life over to asking the question, why the is that true? Yeah. Yeah. Because if everything is working for you and it's all good, then more people, and I'll say I'll be generous and say 10% find a life that is really joyful on balance. No one's ever going to have perfect joy. I certainly do not. Mhm. But, on balance. So, all right, we're talking about a 90% failure rate. Like, there is something is working so actively against us that we have to find a way out of that. Now, I will say what is working against you is evolutionary pressures. You've been pressured evolutionarily to survive, not to thrive. Okay, so I think the human brain is working against people in many, many ways. And if they don't understand that, they get trapped. One of the ways that I think it's working against them is you have the biological imperative to conserve calories. Mhm. Which means be lazy. It's another way of saying that. So, you get really hungry, you you get tremendous sexual desire, and then you crack over and you go do something about it. For the most part, you kind of just want to chill. Yeah. So, given those biological realities, what I'm saying is if somebody decides they want to do something extraordinary with their life, which they don't need to, but if they decide that they want to do that, the amount of inertia that you have to overcome, this is quite literally the second law of thermodynamics, states all systems move towards chaos. Yep. Now, the only way, according to physics, to bypass that is to pour energy into the system. Okay, so we know your life is moving towards chaos, as all systems do. The only way to overcome that is to pour energy into your life. Patience to me is about waiting. It's about relaxing. It's about surrender. Now, I'm definitely using your words. So, once you tell somebody to get into that state, it will open it a certain channel for them. That channel having a stress-free life, finding beauty in their life, connecting with other human beings, really getting in touch with uh spiritual nature inside, being so quiet you can hear yourself. Those things are so important. I'm not in any way, shape, or form diminishing them. What I'm saying is there are already people that speak to what to do with that path. Yeah. I want to be over here. Yeah. You want to build something extraordinary? Now, I'm your guy. Right, right. And and I will tell you you're going to dip into these moments, you're going to have to. You're going to have to learn to meditate. You're probably even going to want to start your day there. But, in terms of getting the skill set and executing against against a grand vision, you will have to come at everything with so much energy and intensity to overcome the inertia that is inevitable because all systems move towards chaos. So, you were fighting against chaos. Yep. So, in that particular lane, you cannot Patience will be the death of you. Will be the death of your dream. We have a different definition of patience, but first question I have to ask you is um once you started meditating regularly, Mhm. did you notice more successes or ease or uh that that things were happening faster in any way in your life? I noticed a profound change in my ability to think clearly. Yeah. I noticed a profound change in my ability to enjoy my life. I noticed a profound reduction in my anxiety. Okay. Okay. And did that impact your purpose and your goals? It made everything in my life better. So, we're saying the exact same thing. That we are not, and I could feel the trap I was being set up for. But, so I think I think it is the entire universe of meditation, of relaxation, of letting go. There is so much power in that at a biological level. And if people do not learn to do that, they're never going to be able to hear themselves think. Right. And so didn't slow you down, right? No, it's sped me up. That's what I'm talking about. But, now so here's is speed up by slowing down. All right, dive into that. Tell me what you mean. up by slowing down. I have I have created far more, and I'm not tooting my own horn. I'm just trying to be a powerful example of what it looks like to live a spiritually aligned life, right? I've created far more in last 15 years than I think people could do in a lifetime, okay? And that's not me me too. I don't want to sound like I'm being egotistical. Because every single person that is is watching right now, every single person has the capacity to be this way. We all are super attractors is what I refer to, okay? And the reason I've been able to do that is because I've had a foundational practice of tuning my energy, making sure that I am clearing whatever is in the way, the blocks, the belief systems, the the you know, neural programming that has blocked me 100% the chaos, the choice for chaos that's not supporting me. That that devotion and commitment to to slowing that down, to undoing that fear, to grounding my energy has given has has given me far more energy to do the things I need to do. And so, I show up I show up I like I don't actually like the word hustle anymore because I'm actually priding myself on on how relaxed I am. But, I want to tell you something. This most recent book launch I've launched many books. And I've launched them with a lot of stress and a lot of like, you know, force and want to get that out and want to be number one New York Times best seller. And you know, there was always love and service behind the books because they wouldn't have had the success they had if it wasn't there. But there was also a lot of struggle because I was in a the wrong mindset. And this book launch, I lived and practiced what I'm preaching in Super Attractor. And I didn't really care. Like the the biggest goal was to serve souls. The biggest goal was to help people feel good. Period. End of story. This book in the last 2 weeks has had far more success than any of my other books. And when my my publishers called me and said, "Oh my god, you're on the New York Times list." I was like, "I didn't even realize it was Wednesday." Like I didn't even know that this I forgot Every year before big, it's Wednesday. When's the list out? I didn't even realize that it was Wednesday, you know? I didn't care. I didn't care. All I cared about was that people were being served. And so uh the And but the bigger message here is that I really made relaxation and uh and and calm and serenity and a groundedness my highest priority in my life at this stage. But that doesn't mean that I didn't get on every call with my team and look at the ads and that I didn't care about the way that we were positioning, messaging, and that I didn't get on Facebook Live and do Facebook Live, or I didn't show up here today to share the message. I did it all. But I did it with grace and ease. And had far more success. As long as we don't use the word patience, I'm with everything you just said. But I I get and this is one of those things where the nuance sort of is irrelevant and People hate it. people like the word patience. No, no, no. When I've been giving my talks in Super Attractor and I get to that spiritually aligned action method in the fourth step, by the way, which we never got to, is patience. Because you've already been going to go there. Um that's I say patience, the entire audience like, oh. What do you think they're struggling with? People want to Well, the few things. One, people have a belief system that if I don't make it happen, it won't happen, right? And so they think they have to hustle and push to control to make it happen. And you know very well that when you were in that mind that there might have been times in your life where you were in that mindset, but not as inspired or not as faithful, that would fall apart, right? Because you were forcing it. You were pushing it. I know for myself I can say that. Anything that I've pushed pushed pushed to happen has has been not correct. You know, things would fall apart, wouldn't have success, it wouldn't you know, wouldn't be it wouldn't work, okay? And so I think that people really dwell in the belief system, particularly in in America, that if if I don't make it happen, it's not going to happen. So patience is the opposite of that and is terrifying to that belief system. So people would say, "Hell no, that's not true for me." I also think that you know, people don't trust. They don't have the belief system that I know you have, which there's trust that that if I create this, it will be and that it's going to have purpose and it's going to serve and it's going to make an impact even if it's even if it's little difficult to make happen, it's going to happen. It's going to be great. They don't have that belief system. And without that belief system, how could you possibly be patient? Because you're constantly chasing something to feel good. Yeah, the constantly chasing something to feel good. I want to ask you, what do you think about self-worth? Yeah. Where does it come from? How do we build it? People get up in my audiences and they say to me, you know, "I don't know why like I'm trying so hard to attract that partner. I'm trying so hard to you know, make my business so excellent." And the thing that's underneath all of that is a feeling of unworthiness. The reasons that we don't thrive in our lives, in our careers, in our in our health is a feeling of unworthiness. And that's that's that often stems back to a traumatic event or an experience in life where we in some way chose a belief system that said, "I am unlovable and I'm not good enough." I like what you just said, we chose a belief system. Tell me more. You know, if we've had a experience in our history where the our father left, then you know, men always leave and that's our story up until we're, you know, dead. Or that, you know, we grew up with no money, that money's going to be a struggle and we believe that's the belief system until we choose to see it differently. You know, I grew up in a in a home where there was no a lot of financial insecurity. And when I was 21 years old, I was like, I made a decision. I was on my own. I was, you know, out of college. I'm going to support myself and I got to make some money and I was promoting parties and nightclubs. My my cousin owned some clubs and I was starting promoting parties. And one night, you know, and I was like, oh yeah, I can totally do this, right? I can totally do this. I can get my girlfriends to say Gabby at the door, like 100%. But I I, you know, I was like, I can do this. I can I can really give myself the the ability to to earn some money here. And then the first night I promoted the party, my cousin handed me $1,000 cash. And I was like, in that moment I had a quantum shift. I I said, I know how to make money and I'm going to keep making money. Well, that could have still happened, but I could have chosen to stay stuck in the belief system that it's not, you know, it's not easy to make money and I'm going to have financial insecurity for the rest of my life and that no matter how much moments of money that would come into my life, I could have deflected it all. But that moment, I said, money is not my issue. I will be supported. I can and and I can make money. I know I can make money. So, the the I guess the point is is that in in a in any instant, we can choose again and that's a method in the book. We can choose again. And to, you know, to your language, it's is a mental reconditioning. Talk to people about the choose again method. Um it's it's beginning to notice those fear-based belief systems or those um feelings of unworthiness as you said before or the stories that we have on repeat, those those negative thought systems that we have on repeat that keep us stuck all day long, right? And for for some people who have done a lot of personal growth work and there's just one lingering one or two or three lingering ones and you recognize them and you the first step is to notice the thought and notice how it makes you feel. Because when you recognize that it's not making you feel good, then you know you're out of alignment with your super attractor power, right? The second step is profound. It's to forgive yourself for having the thought. So, sometimes when we have that fear-based thought, we actually believe that we are the thought we are having. I am not worthy. I am not good enough. I am overweight. I'm a you know, I'm a piece of Whatever it is, okay? And that's a big one. I hear people say a lot, I think I'm a piece of How horrible is that? That's one I I carry for I still I'm still working on it. I mean, really am. And so, forgive yourself for having that thought. And when you forgive yourself for having the thought, what happens is is that you can now recognize that the the forgiveness dissolves it because it makes you realize that I am not that. I am not that person that's unworthy. I forgive that. I forgive that belief system about myself. Or you can forgive the thought altogether. And the third step is to choose again. And this is where you start to reach for the next best feeling thought. And so, when you're stuck in in a a low-vibe thought of I'm I'm sick and I can't get well, and then you forgive yourself for having the thought, oh god, you know, I I went there again. Let's Let's return this around. And then you start to reach for the next best feeling thought. You would reach for, well, I have access to podcasts about health. Or I have I I I I do I do have some awareness about diet. And I'm going to be able to, you know, read that free e-book that so-and-so put up. And that e-book will put me on the right path. And these little thoughts that you believe in start to guide you out. And the more we proactively practice these three steps, the more we literally change the way we believe. Yeah, that that to me is so profound that you can actively choose to think different things. And that in thinking different things, that changes the way that you actually feel. Um I think that cycle is really really important. Where can they find out more about you? gabbybernstein.com Nice and easy. Nice and straightforward. What is the impact that you want to have on the world? It's a big one. I like the sound of that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, here there's a little backstory for one second about it. So, I was I'm working really really working to relieve myself from trauma and be free. Be truly free. And I said to my psych my therapist I said, "I don't think that 99% of people can get through this." And it's kind of like what you were saying like you know, 90% of people don't actually have that success that you want for them. I I don't think that 99% of people and she said 99.9% of people don't get through this. And my impact is to help create systems and and help people face their shame and write books to help people truly begin to heal from traumatic experiences that have dictated their lives. I love that. It's interesting cuz Deepak Chopra actually referred to your book. He didn't say instruction manual, but that was sort of the intimation, which I like a lot. All right, guys. Definitely check this out if I love that she called herself a translator. If she is translating things in a way that makes sense to you, you will love everything she has written. It is very clear, very articulate, step-by-step, tells you what to do, how to do it. It's all about helping you get the life that you want, waking up. She's referred to it many times as being that of seeing a world anew, realizing that you have choices. It's incredibly powerful. If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care. Gabby, thank you. That was wonderful. So, if someone is having fear or panic or worry, get to When was the first time you felt this way? What was really going on in your life at that time to show them that that's not what's happening now.