Video summary
Dr. John Delony addresses a complex dynamic in modern relationships, specifically focusing on why men often struggle to understand women's perspectives and what common pitfalls exist for both genders. He acknowledges that while some of his female colleagues disagree with certain points he makes regarding these dynamics, the core issue revolves around a pervasive sense of incompleteness despite significant personal achievements. Many individuals wait years to have children until they are financially secure or established in their careers, operating under the meta-message that achieving traditional success—whether defined as "tradife" or becoming a full CEO—will eventually lead to feeling whole. However, Dr. Delony argues this feeling remains elusive and constantly moves away, leaving partners desperate for stability while simultaneously seeking validation from others who seem to have it all figured out. A significant portion of the discussion challenges the stereotype that men are universally unfaithful or self-absorbed with video games and pornography. While data suggests these behaviors are prevalent enough to make defending male worth increasingly difficult, Dr. Delony notes a recursive problem where individuals feel they lack value because their home life feels like a "failure factory." He recounts instances where partners express fear that their spouse is dying in front of them due to health issues or behavioral changes, rather than simply rejecting the person for superficial reasons like height or income. In these cases, the deeper crisis involves watching one's loved one wither away and fearing that by trying to cope with this decline, they are becoming someone they do not want to be themselves. Dr. Delony also touches upon societal perceptions of dating difficulties, noting a common belief among men that it is easier for women than for them in the current landscape. He points out that despite content on platforms like YouTube suggesting high barriers exist—such as needing six-figure incomes or specific physical attributes—he has never received calls from callers complaining about short stature or insufficient earnings being primary dealbreakers. Instead, he suggests these complaints may be veiled; when women call in citing issues like a lack of commitment or romance, it often masks more base concerns such as height or salary. He emphasizes that while dating apps have created a train wreck for everyone, the most frequent calls involve questions about how to stop cheating partners and help them plug back into their lives rather than complaints about external metrics. Throughout the conversation, Dr. Delony maintains a stance of taking people at their word when they call in with relationship struggles, though he admits this can sometimes make him appear naive regarding hidden motivations like shallow judgments based on physical appearance or wealth. He highlights that even if someone gains weight over years due to health issues, the underlying question is rarely just about attractiveness but rather witnessing a partner's decline and not knowing how to prop them up without losing oneself in the process. The dialogue underscores the difficulty of navigating these emotional landscapes where low bars for entry into relationships coexist with deep existential fears that success alone cannot resolve feelings of worthlessness or isolation. The segment concludes by reinforcing the idea that while external factors like dating apps and societal expectations have complicated matters, the fundamental human need remains to feel anchored in a relationship rather than constantly chasing an elusive sense of completion through career milestones or financial security. Dr. Delony's perspective serves as both a critique of modern dating culture and a compassionate observation on how individuals rationalize their struggles with intimacy, often masking deeper insecurities behind complaints about superficial traits. Ultimately, the discussion suggests that true resolution lies not in meeting arbitrary standards but in addressing the recursive nature of self-worth issues within partnerships before they escalate into feelings of failure or abandonment.
Read the full video transcript
What about the opposite? What should men
know about how women operate? What are
the things that women are calling in and
saying to you most frequently?
Some of my women colleagues disagree
with me on this. Um, and so I'll I'll
caveat this with that, but um, I think
women were sold a bill of goods also.
And
the question that pops into my head is
why won't he change? But I think the
deeper question is, I did all of these
things that they said and why don't I
feel better about me or my world or my
the life I've constructed for myself?
And what are the most common things that
they have done that have not borne?
>> I waited this many years to have kids. I
waited till I was financially secure. I
waited till I had a career. I waited
until I was on my own two feet. I got
this level of success. I or the
opposite. I went all in on this
relationship at a very young age. I went
fully all in.
I think the meta message has been if you
will do these things or the the tradife
thing or the full CEO thing, whichever
one it is, that somehow you're going to
feel complete on the other end of this
deal. And that feeling is elusive. It
just keeps moving. And so there's a
there's a partner in your life and it's
constantly you just need to you just
need to you just need to but really the
thing is I'm desperately seeking this
feeling that this is going to be okay.
This rooted sense of anchored in
>> and I it's it's a constant constant
constant. The other one is honestly is
um are all men scumbags? Is every man
out cheating? Is every man filling up
his life with video games and
pornography? Is every man
>> and it's been it's it's harder and
harder to defend when you look at the
data.
>> And
>> but it's it's it's a it's a it's a
recursive problem, right? I don't feel
like I have any worth. I don't my home
is a failure factory.
>> He's pulling in video games. Don't
reject me.
>> That's it. I'm just going to Yeah. Then
I am going to take the exit ramp where I
don't bother anybody and I'll just burn
a hole in my head.
>> Dude, that sucks. It sucks to hear and
it must be rough to
the least popular opinion for a guy to
give on the internet with a mostly male
audience is it must be tough for a woman
to navigate dating at the moment because
guys see all of the ways that it's way
easier for women than it is for men. Um,
but the thing that I would say to guys
that this is a huge huge like blue ocean
for them for is
you have somebody that's been in
counseling for like [ __ ] forever and
does a call-in show with millions and
millions of people that watch it and
this is one of the biggest problems.
Look at how low the bar is,
>> dude. I tell my son that how low the bar
is.
>> I tell him all the time, you can you can
have it all.
It really is not. I get it. You watch
enough
like content on YouTube and you can
think that because you're 56 or because
you're not earning six figures or
because you're whatever. Hey, that's
those are some real things and there's
some challenges out there.
>> But Jesus [ __ ] like how many women are
calling in and saying, you know, the
problem is these guys just don't earn
enough. These guys just don't do this,
that, and the other. It's like I don't
know if he's going to
>> I've gotten that question zero times.
There's just too many short men out
there. I've never got that.
>> To caveat this, how many women do you
think are calling in and saying,
uh,
this guy doesn't commit or isn't
romantic enough or isn't whatever as a
way to hide the more base, shallow, he's
not tall enough, he doesn't earn enough.
Maybe. Maybe. And I've been called naive
before. I like to just take people at
their word. like if you're calling in
and we can get to his that's not what
you're really calling but um yeah man I
like to just maybe maybe it
>> yeah maybe and I do get like hey my
husband's gained 150 pounds over the
last few years but as you dig into that
it's almost always I'm watching my
husband die in front of me right and
that's that's usually the question like
how do I keep my I'm watching him die
and I can't be a part of this anymore
>> and yes he's not attractive anymore and
yes he walks around his whitey tidies
and he's It's like it's not a pretty
sight. But the deeper question is I'm
watching I'm becoming someone I don't
want to be cuz that guy at work thinks
my jokes are hilarious and I'm starting
to think up jokes all day so that maybe
that guy at work like I'm becoming
somebody I don't want to be
>> because I'm watching the person I love
wither away underneath me and I don't I
don't know how to prop them up.
>> Wow.
>> Yeah. The bar is set so [ __ ] low,
dude.
>> It is.
>> It's but but you know what? I think
that's an important thing. The dating
apps have screwed up every like no
question about all that. It's a it's a
train wreck. But personally, I've never
had somebody call and say, "There's just
too many short men out there." I've not
had anybody call and say, "This person
doesn't make this much money."
I haven't I haven't got that call. And
maybe it's maybe it's veiled and and
people are being whatever. Um but most
of the time it's I'm with somebody.
Why won't they can they just stop
cheating? Can they just plug back in?
How do I let them know that they're
worth something?
>> We'll get back to talking in just a
minute, but first, some things are built
for summer. Sunburns, hot girl walks,
your ex posting their Euro road trip,
and now lemonade and salt.
Huh? Element just dropped their brand
new lemonade salt flavor. And it's
everything that you want on a hot day.
Tart, salty, and stupidly refreshing.
It's like a grown-up lemonade stand in a
stick with actual function behind the
flavor. Because let's be real, if you're
sweating through workouts, sauna
sessions, or just walking to your car in
July, then you are losing more than just
water. Element replaces the electrolytes
that your body actually needs. Sodium,
potassium, and magnesium with no sugar,
no junk, and no nonsense. I've been
drinking it every single day for years.
And in the Texas heat, this lemonade
flavor in a cold glass of water is
unbelievably good. Best of all, they've
got a no questions asked refund policy
with an unlimited duration. So, you can
buy it and try it for as long as you
want. And if you don't like it for any
reason, they'll give you your money
back. And you don't even need to return
the box. That's how confident they are
that you'll love it. Plus, they offer
free shipping in the US. Right now, you
can get a free sample pack of Element's
most popular flavors with your first
purchase by going to the link in the
description below or heading to
drinklnt.com/modernwisdom.
That's drinklnt.com/modernwisdom.
Thank you very much for tuning in. If
you enjoyed that clip, you will love the
fulllength episode available
right here.