Why Don't Men Trust Women?

Hey, hey, Tony Gaskins here. Popping in with another video just breaking down the man science and sharing these things with you so we can strengthen our relationships, our connections, our communication. And also just because we don't have enough men talking and and giving away the game and not even giving away the game, but expressing from our heart and what we deal with and what we go through. And I've been married 19 and 1/2 years. And I still have to learn and grow and I still have to struggle with trust and things of that nature and I realized that I trust way, way, way, way, way more than a lot of men that I talk to. And when you go online, there's absolutely no trust for women. Like you look at post online, you look at these podcasts, you look at the comments, you will see that there is no trust. There's zero trust from just the general population of men toward women. And ironically, men cheat more than women, but loose booty women don't believe that because they loose booty, so they assume that every other woman is like them. And then men who have been hurt and battered and broken, they feel like that that's not true either because they've been cheated on. And it's really because they date outside of their league and they get cheated on by every girl they dating because the girl is dating down and she really want to elevate, she want a man higher on on the ladder and she used this man as a stepping stool and and he just he gets hurt. And so therefore, he cannot for nothing in him believe that women don't cheat more than men. Women do cheat now. Women do cheat. But when you look into why women cheat, it's rarely a healthy, whole, confident woman. Was never a healthy, whole, confident woman. It's typically a broken woman. A woman who has been violated. It's a woman who she's checked out of the relationship. She's been cheated on multiple times herself or she's she's being abused in some form to where it's like she's with him, but she's gone. And she may not have left because she doesn't have anywhere to go. She may feel trapped. She may be financially trapped. She may be spiritually trapped, socially trapped. It could be any type of trap that keeps her there, but you really don't see women who are happy and in love with their man cheat on their man. But we do that as men all the time. You see men do that all the time. A woman ain't did nothing to him. He she haven't cheated. She haven't disrespected him and he'll go sleep with somebody else. And that's just the reality of it. I wish that was not true. I wish I could be the superior gender when it comes to cheating and say, "Hey, men don't cheat. Women more cheated than men." I wish I could say that, but I just remember being out there and being turned down by so many women because they had a man. And I know guys don't be believing that. They'll be like, "Well, maybe you just weren't their type. You just weren't their cup of tea." I know they were because then I was able to get them when they were single. Just like my wife. She didn't deal with me when I met her, she had a boyfriend. But then after they broke up, then she dealt with me. And so it's just one of those things to where and then when she said we need to take a break and she went back to her boyfriend, she didn't deal with me. I ain't hear nothing from her. By the time me and her bump back into each other, she had been single, she said, again for 4 months. So, she had been single for 4 months. And so, and then when she broke up with him, she didn't come right back to me. She didn't write me and say, "Hey, you know, do you want to pick up where we left off?" Like, she didn't say nothing. And that's where I learned a lot about women. What I saw more so than a woman wanting to cheat on her man was a woman a woman wanting to have what another woman has. A lot of what women do is for other women. So, a woman will sleep with a man because a woman that she look up to or a woman that she thinks is more pretty than her has that man or has had that man. And so, she want to sleep with that man to feel like she's on that other woman level. She want to experience what that other woman has experienced. But, the reason why men don't trust women is because the real real real is because we don't trust ourselves. That's the real reason. The reason why is because as men, you really can count on your hand how many faithful men that you know. If you're being honest about it. Like, I I've talked to guys and it just be regular guys. Like, guys with a pot belly, guys who are conventionally unattractive and they'll be like, "Man, I got to do better with being faithful to my wife." And I and I just be like, bewildered and befuddled and dumbfounded. Like, how can you cheat? Like, it it you don't look special, like it's nothing about you that seems like a woman would want to cheat with you. Like, she know you married. You That's a Google search. So, how are you even able to cheat? And it's just really it be women desperation, women wanting to be married. And again, it's a woman wanting what another woman has. And I never forget I was talking to a virgin. This was a virgin woman. And she was I think she was regurgitating what other women say. And she said to me, she was like, "Women don't care if you taken. Because what that says to a woman is that you're willing to commit, and now we just need you to commit to us." I was like, man, that is a heck of a take. But, for her to say that as a sober-minded individual who wasn't easy, who wasn't sleeping around, who was not here you know, popping P. And it was just one of them things. And and I had been around her a lot and right up under in the same room, everything. And she just she wasn't popping P, and she wasn't she was not there like that. And so, for her to say that, I'm like, man, this woman is considered a classy woman, and she's saying this. So, how is this working? And Y'all forgive me, my wife text me. And so, it just kind of showed me something. But, also, that woman didn't throw herself at me. You know, she didn't throw herself at me. She didn't do none of that. And that's the thing that a lot of this stuff you have to have the experiences. And I think that a lot of people don't have the experiences and I got a homeboy he was sleeping with a married woman. You know, and then when I say homeboy I say that loosely meaning I've known him since I was a kid, but we're not technically friends. Like we don't talk or anything, but I was talking to him probably a couple months ago and he was telling me that he was sleeping with a married woman. And but he said she was saying they're not really together, they're not really like that, but technically she's still married, she's still talking to him or whatever. And and again, it's a woman who feels like her relationship is over. She feels like her relationship is dead. But it's not like she's right up under him laughing and smiling posting happy online. They're going on vacation and all of that. And then two, my homeboy is what what women desire. Like over well over 6 ft muscular former pro athlete still in shape. Like he's what women desire to a degree, you know, to for that right there. It's not like nobody's tripping and falling over theirself, but he's just always been able to have get a lot of women. And we had that in common and him just as much as just me. I didn't I I just didn't believe in getting women pregnant. So I only have children from my wife. And when she got pregnant, I got engaged to her and we got married before our son was born. And so I just refused to have a baby mama. I just couldn't I didn't want I didn't want to live that life. And so And so that's what I was thinking and it just I'm looking at it and I'm like it's one of those things to where you have to realize and understand that this there's a difference between men and women. And And here's the thing that a lot of people confuse. A lot of people take one sector of a gender and they label that to the whole gender. So like there's a lot of women that say all men cheat. And there's a lot of men that cheat. And at the same time it's a lot of men that's faithful, but we when we look at percentages, we don't really calculate that okay, if 30% of men are faithful and there's 5 billion men then 10% of 5 billion is 500 million times three, so 1.5 billion men are faithful. That's a whole lot of men that's faithful and it could even be more than that. Because in order to be a cheating man, you got to be in a high percentile, in the top percentile of of men. Y'all forgive me. When my wife is resting in her feminine she texts a lot. Like when her nervous system regulated and she had peace, she just we had a coffee date this morning. And then but it was a coffee date and it was a what you call that? We went to a sourdough place and got some um what you call that thing? Cinnamon bun. And so we met at the coffee place. She dropped Tatum off to school. We met at the coffee place. We were there for 30 minutes whatever maybe to a hour and then we drove to the sourdough place. I drove to sourdough place. We got that. And then I drove back to the coffee place, dropped off, and she got in her car and went to Pilates. She just finished Pilates. And And uh this ain't no yacht or awakening stuff, either, now. And so, just understand that, but So, now she text me, and then sometimes I find it hard. Some women get on here, get mad, and be like, "Your wife ought to know you're working." But, that's why I work so hard to have a life to where I could prioritize my wife, and I don't have to be on top of a roof in the hot sun, you know, breaking my back and can't text her. So, I create a schedule and a type of environment that I can text her if I need to text her. And just be there for and that's And that's what a lot of times, too, allow a woman to fall into talking to another man. Or And And it doesn't always have to be a romantic thing. But, it could be like that that guy friend is just there. Like, he's not sleeping with her, but he's a listening ear. And then us as men, we get complacent, and we treat her regular, and we we, you know, play her to the left, and then this other guy is just listening, and then they form an emotional bond, and become, quote unquote, friends. And I had to learn that in my marriage, because my wife, she's like a homeboy, you know, she she she's like, cool. So, dudes just love talking to her, because she's never was fast and forward and just popping P, but she's just very easy to talk to, and she knows all about sports. She watches every single sport. She knows something about every sport. So, I had to realize, like, hey, if I'm not attentive to my wife, it'll be another man that's trying to slip in and play like a friend until he get to start having a full-blown affair with her. And I had to realize that a lot of men don't think about that. And I And I had to coach on that sometimes with couples to where the woman started talking to a guy friend. May even be long distance. They can't even do nothing. She ain't sending no nudes. She ain't doing none of that. But the messages is talking about her husband and talking about what he what he's not doing. And then men will do the same thing with a woman. Like we'll to another woman about our wife and what she not doing and all this and that. And it it affects us. And so that's one of the things you got to think about. And give me 1 second here. Wife birthday, September 26th. So we talking about booking the Pilates studio and doing like the little coffee pop-up and all of that. And so it's one of those things to where you have to realize and understand that it's a difference between men and women. And the main the number number number number number one reason why men don't trust women is because we don't trust ourselves. Like we just assume and we look at everything and we look at like, "Okay, if I posted that, what would it mean? If I was doing this, what would it mean? If I did that, what would it mean? If I do this, what do do do do?" And so we think about what we would be doing and we attribute that to the woman. Not realizing that men and women are not the same. And we think about what we have done. So my wife is the first woman that I've been faithful to. And that took me some time to like really settle in, really be like, "Okay, I'm in a relationship." And all of that. Then when I got married, I still first 2 years I had wandering eyes. Like, "I'm looking around. I'm I'm trying to plot and think like when I'm finna get the chino." Because it just wasn't a thing. Like, the only faithful man that I knew was my father. And I just other guys I just assumed that they were faithful or I assumed that they couldn't cheat on their wife, but I didn't know for a fact. And but then when I talked to my mom, she had a different story. But just from what I would see, I'm like, "Well, I ain't never seen none of that." And and I think she was talking about the real old past and all of that. And it's like, "Man, you can't even count that, man, when you're 18 years old." And then what you did and then she had and did her some dirt, too. So, I'm like, "Yeah, well, if he did something, that was retaliation and you deserved it cuz you did it, too." And so, it's like one of them things to where you just didn't see it a lot. And then as I started growing as a man and you know, like getting older, when I say growing, I'm I'm looking and I'm like, "Okay, this homeboy cheat on his wife cuz he got options." Like they say a man is only as faithful as options. Then when I started to see like it was some lames I knew that was cheating on their wife, but they had money. So, I'm like, "Okay, and he cheating and okay, this guy cheating. All right, this guy cheating." So, and I'm seeing white guys. Like, every white guy cheating. And I'm like, "So, the white guys cheating, too." And then you see the black guys cheating and it just was a thing to where it was like no conviction. Like, they just were not thinking about it. But then I'm talking to women in very deep and intimate ways in coaching. When I say intimate, I don't mean sexual, but I mean very personal. And I'm like I'm almost being uh overly aggressive. I'm talking to this woman on a call and I'm like, Listen, I am your coach. You don't have to lie to me. You don't have to lie to me. Like I cannot help you if you're going to lie to me. So, you're telling me you have counted and you know for a fact that he's cheated on you with a a minimum of eight times. And in that time, you have never cheated on him. No, Tony. No, I have not. I have not cheated on him. If I did, I would tell you. I have not cheated on him. I Like why? What Why would I do that? Like Yeah, I could go out and cheat, but I don't want to give my body to another man just cuz he's stupid and giving his body to other women. Like that's why I'm on the phone with you. I'm ready to leave. I'm finna leave his butt. I'm not finna sleep with no another man, though. And after hearing that so many times, and this is with black This with black women. Hearing that so many times, I'm like, man. And then I started to realize it. And what I started to notice though, it would be some women who if they weren't fulfilled with their relationship with their dad or if they just were insecure, they just would like attention. And it wouldn't even be about sex. They would just a man hitting on them made them feel good. Or they just wanted to feel that feeling. They wanted that attention. Steph Curry's wife got in trouble for saying that cuz like women throwing themselves at her husband, but no man throwing themselves at her. And she was like, I want that feeling. Like, I want to feel wanted. I want to feel desired. And she just you know, talked too much and she she expressed herself and she say what's on her mind, but I got what she was coming from. A lot of people ripped a new one. But I understood where she was coming from. And you know, it was one of those things, but and and that's what I think some women go through. Like, you get to the point to where and my wife has said that to me, too. She was like, you know, you being praised every day. Like, you being people speaking life into you. People saying all this. People praising you every single day. She's like, I don't get that. I don't have those type of interaction. Nobody's praising me. And so, you know, it was one of those situations and I had to realize and understand that to where as humans we want attention. So, that's why I give her the attention and I make her a focal point because if you ain't paying attention, and humans need attention, somebody going to start paying attention. And depending on your childhood trauma and what you've gone through and what you live through, it can affect you. So, I honestly think with my wife's personality and her being so nice and just like a friendly person, now she will shut you down if you go all the way. So, her kindness is not weakness. But if she worked a regular job, it probably would have been a lot of guys that try to hit on her and get real close to her because she just so cool and chill and easy to relate to. And that probably would have sent me to prison because it would have been her trying to be nice cuz she got to work with this guy and then me messing around and seeing a text where he flirting and then I'm I'm pulling up. Like, I object. The Lord knew that my wife had to be at home. And because the Lord knew one of these men would have put me in a position where I would have been on the job whooping his behind. The Lord knew it. I put it on everything I love. And it just, you know, she had a male friend one time. And I pulled up on buddy. I pulled up on buddy. I I said, "Hey, I just want to let you know, bro, you will lose your life. You cross that line, you will lose your life, bro." And she end up just cutting them off cuz she was like, "I don't want a male friend." So, that's our rule. Me, no female friends. Her, no male friends. No same-sex friends. So, she ain't got no lesbian friends. I ain't got no male gay friend. I would never have a male gay friend. But sometimes women will have a female lesbian friend. But also, I won't let my wife have a male gay friend, either. Because I don't know if he looking at me crazy. I don't know if he looking and lusting at me, but then also, I don't deal with that spirit. I don't believe in that spirit. And so, I wouldn't have her allow her to be like, "Okay, you want to be his friend? Or you want to be this woman friend? I'm not going to be here. Y'all go right ahead." Cuz I don't I don't entertain different types of spirits in my life and in my like that. Like, I'm nice to the same-sex people that I know and that grew up with or related to. I'm nice to them. I treat them with love. But I just wouldn't entertain it like that. And y'all give me 1 second real quick. I'm going to pause this so I ain't got to keep being rude cuz my wife something going on with her truck. So, here's the thing. It's like it's unfair to us when we get in a relationship and we're up against a person's trauma. And we're up against their childhood, their past, their ex, and all of those things, but you got to realize love is a job that you cannot retire from. A relationship is a job. So, one thing you got to realize is that you're going to have to do some work. And I think a lot of people online, they try to tell you like "Oh, you shouldn't have to teach a person how to love. Oh, you shouldn't have to do this. Oh, you shouldn't have to do that." If you don't want to do any of that, then just stay single. But, if you get in a relationship, it don't matter how good a person is, how perfect they are. Me and my wife, we work out great, but I still had to help her get through her daddy wounds. She still had to help me get through my life wounds, my past wounds, like me me seeing what I seen in the streets and being out there and womanizing. Like, I ain't have no trust in no woman because I I I had been with too many women. And but one thing about it is I never really was with a woman who I never had sex with a married woman. Like, it never Anytime I tried to with a woman who was like all the way taken, I got turned down. And so, that's really what shaped my belief around this and and that's why I try to tell you. And then when you listen to the men who say women cheat just as much as men, look at the man. Look at how he look. And then the other ones be like millionaires, and it's like, "Yeah, you're saying that because you're going to this broke scallywag who got a broke boyfriend and you're a multi-millionaire." And the fact that she at your concert or the fact that she cleat chasing or jersey chasing at your game let you know she not worth nothing. But, you're not sleeping with no classy woman. You're not sleeping with a woman of standard, you not sleeping with somebody that is worth anything. You sleeping with somebody who battered and bruised, tore up from the floor up. And so, it's one of those things. And so, that's what you got to realize, you know, and and once you get to that place and you start to really know and understand this this what I tell you now cuz you as a woman got to be careful with a man because he will cheat on you if he's a cheater, but you got to realize if he has a past, if he got homeboys, if his daddy was a dog, he done seen so much, it's hard for him to believe, it's hard for him to trust. And I know it sounds unfair, but you got to create that trust. You got to build that trust. Like we we think trust should be given, but trust truly is earned. And so, like last night, my wife, she was with Taden putting him in bed, and she didn't have her phone with her. Her phone was on the bed. And her text message was open, and I leaned over and looked at it, saw she was texting her friend Lindsey, and I just looked at the phone, and I came on round to my side of the bed, got in the bed, and I'm just on my phone. And it was a temptation to look at her phone, to scroll through it, but then I said to myself, man, I done did that before. I done looked at that phone. I looked at that phone, and in the past, you know, I done found stuff I ain't want to find. It wasn't nothing negative. It'll just be like, oh, you know, who is this guy friend? And then I we have to address that, and then she'll, you know, cut them off. She'll realize like, okay, yeah, that's my homeboy from whatever. And one of the guys I had talked to him. And same thing on her on my phone. She'll see a Facebook message I done sent, or she'll see a text message to where some some people some of my clients my celebrity client, they'll be like, love you, you know, and stuff like that. And so it's like, we done had to work through those different type of situations and create those boundaries, but then it came to a place to where we we just decided, and we ain't going to be checking each other's phone, and we going to be honest, but the phone going to be left up. It's going to be left open. I got her code, she got my code, and it's just a trust thing, but that trust had to be earned. It had to be us learning the boundaries, and what is acceptable, what's not acceptable. And just really building, and just knowing where our heart is. And then I had to realize and what I found out being a relationship coach for 20 years now, being in a relationship for 20 plus years now, is that people typically let the devil seep in when they're not happy in what they're in. So, if my wife ain't sleeping with me, if she's not respecting me, if she's not doing this, doing that, like if she's not there, then I'm going to be more prone to be open to a conversation with another woman. If I'm not tending to her needs, loving her, creating emotional safety and security, she's going to be more open to having conversation with another man. Even if it's not sexual for either of us, that's a thing and that's what you got to realize and understand. So, the way you're going to build the way you're going to build Don't forget me. The way you're going to build and and all of that, then you got to have that conversation and you got to be able to know and you got to be able to trust. But, what you have to say, if and this is for men or women who are watching this, if you get to a place where you need to build trust, then you got to leave that phone out. You got to leave that phone open. You got to They got to have that code, that passcode and you got to talk to yourself and you got to say, "I don't want to say nothing in text that my partner can't read, that my spouse can't read." So, I'm careful if I'm talking to my mama about my wife, if I'm talking to my daddy about my wife, cuz sometimes it's that. Sometimes it ain't even cheating, sometimes it's just you on there venting and you talking about "He don't do this, he don't do that, he don't do this, he did this, he did that. And you get caught, he check that phone, now he don't trust you cuz now it's like, man, I'm with you. I'm handling my stuff. I ain't venting to nobody about you. You ain't perfect, but then I go in your phone and you throwing me under the bus on the worst thing since sliced bread, but then in my face you keep kidding. And so I didn't have to coach on that several times and it just one of them So, what does it do? It tears at the fiber at the fabric of the trust. And it's hard to trust when you go in somebody phone, which is a human urge, human nature, you go in somebody phone and well, I'm bound. You in the phone and then boom, you see this right here talking bad about you. And so it's one of those things. What we got? 30 minutes. Tell this brother in South Africa we could talk in 30 minutes. And so that's what you got to realize and understand. It come to that place to where you got to be there and you got to have the maturity to say, you know what? I don't know what my person has gone through. I don't know what they've experienced. I don't know what they whatever. So, I'm going to earn my keep. And you got to shut up and get out your feelings. I don't want to hear about it in my comments. It is what it is. That's just how it work. You're going to get a broken individual. And it sounds good. Oh, everybody need to fix they self. Everybody need to go to therapy. Everybody need to be whole. That's not the human experience. Every human you meet is fragmented. Every human you meet is broken to a degree. Every human you meet got a certain level of insecurity. Every human you meet you not going to be able to get away from that. You not going to be able to get around that. That is not going anywhere. It's not changing at all. So, you have to understand. So, what do I do? Okay. She was cheated on by her ex. So, what I'm going to do? I'm going to make sure she got all my passwords. Hey, I ain't even going to do it like I got something to I'm trying to show that I have nothing to hide. So, I'm giving you my password. Hey, here go my password in case I'm like gone or in the bathroom or I got to call you and I need you to check something out for me. And so, here go the password to my computer. You know, this the password to my phone in case something happened to me or whatever and you need to get my phone you need to text everybody I know everybody in my text chain. to let them know what happened. This passcode to my phone. And if I'm going to shower, I can't take the phone in the shower. So, I leave the phone in the room on on the nightstand. So, hey, boom, if she want to check it while I'm in the shower, she could go check it while I'm in the shower. She see whatever I don't whoever I'm talking to, whatever going on. And that's human nature. And we could get to a place this what when we get to the place to where we stop checking that phone is after we check three, four times and we don't find nothing. So, after you check three, four times, you're like, "Okay, I guess they're in a good zone then. They must be in a good zone. Ain't nothing going on." So, boom. Ain't got nothing to hide. And it's one of those things. And so, that's what you have to be ready and willing to do. You got to be ready and willing to build the trust. And so, just think about that. Y'all forgive me. Put this note in here real quick. Time is 11. Boom. Put that in there. And that's what you're going to have to go through. And I'mma tell you, now there's some people There's some men who've been raised so savage. Like their dad was a cheater and was in the home, or their dad was a cheater, so he was gone from the home. Dad was a You know, papa was a rolling stone. And And then, their brother was a cheater. All their brothers, their their uncle, their cousin. So, therefore, they were led to be a cheater. They got raised so cold, he don't know how to be warm. Like, he don't know how to trust. And then, here's the thing. Every man love a big booty with a smile. So, that big booty with a smile, sometimes that big booty was shapely as a child. So, there's women that got a certain shape that they started to fill out and get that shape. They tell me probably around 12. One woman, she told me she was like shapely like full figured like at 10 years old. And so guess what? Grown men were sleeping with her. She got pregnant at 10 from a 19-year-old. And before that, her stepfather was sleeping with her and before that, her 55-year-old bishop was sleeping with her. Cuz she said she was very shapely at a young age. Like her body just was full figured. So as a grown woman, she was she was what you would consider overweight or on a doctor's the doctor would call it obese. But as a young girl, she was still young metabolism so just filled out. You know, probably had thighs and a and a shape shapely butt as a kid. And so she said that caused her problems with men. They didn't know how to keep their hands off of her. And she was young, she was innocent, she was vulnerable. She could she didn't know how to tell them no. She just thought this what you supposed to do. You supposed to do this with with the older men. You know, with the with the older men in your family or whatever. If this what they want, this what they trying to do, you supposed to shut your mouth and do it. You know, and she she grew up in a different time. And so way before the Me Too movement. And so that's the thing. And a lot of times, men don't think about that. Men don't realize that that it could be a woman who was touched as a child, violated as a child or violated as a teenager or violated as a young adult. And some women, they will adapt to the game and they'll become more savagery. They get on that savage mode and they start to move like a savage cuz they like, "There's no safety out here. There's no protection out here. Nobody cares for you. Nobody loves you. I'mma get mine. I'mma get what I could get." And so, she goes and this guy, he like her, he shooting his shot. And she look at him and she like, "Man, I don't been in the yard with wolves. I don't have to fight off wolves. Here come this sheep. Oh, I'm finna run his pockets. I'm finna I'm finna eat him alive, boy. You coming over here. You a you you a little meerkat. I've been fighting off hyenas, wolves, black panthers, leopards, cheetahs. And you coming over here all sweet and nice. Oh, yeah. I'm finna do to you what's been done to me." So, here come the nice guys. They get hurt. She She rake them clean. She She suck them off the bone. Then she Then she take everything out of his pocket. And then, here come tall, dark, and handsome with some swag. And she want that meat off of him because she don't been turned out. She don't been flipped and tossed. So, she want a good time. The man she with, he ain't necessarily no good time. He taking it too light on her, too tame, too lame on her. And so, she used She used to being dogged out. She used to being taken advantage of. Like, and she She grew to adapt to it. So, now here come swaggerlicious. This guy, he come over here all this swag, all this domineering, all this confidence. And And she attracted to that. So, she go and she deal with him. He more confident. He more direct, more masculine. And then the guy that's trying to treat her like a queen, she don't receive it or respect it or accept it because she doesn't feel like a queen. She don't feel worthy of being treated like a queen because she feel like a savage. She feel dirty. She feel filthy. She feel less than. So, she doesn't know how to accept good wholesome healthy treatment. So, therefore, she takes advantage of him. So, then he gets cheated on. And I got a homeboy that happened to the the first when I when I met him the first woman that I knew him to be with, he got her pregnant or he thought he got her pregnant. He liked her. He really really really liked her. Come to find out it maybe wasn't his baby. They broke up. Then he got with another young lady. He really really really really really liked her. Come to find out she had a better option, the the taller guy or guy more more handsome or more whatever. She wanted that guy. So, she So, she played my my homeboy to the left, cheated on him. So, now two relationships back-to-back, he gets cheated on and finds out he's been cheated on. I've never gone and he didn't cheat on them. I've never gone through that. So, I didn't know where his heart was and how he was feeling. When I got cheated on, to my knowledge, like physically cheated on, I had slept with eight other women when I was in that college relationship with a with a white woman. Uh and she slept with five four of my teammates and one basketball player and maybe one other teammates. So, it could have been five teammates and she was lying about them, but at least four she slept with five of guys that I found out about. But, I had them knock down eight others. So, it was like my my teammates, when I would step out to go cheat, because that's how we got our rank, that's how we got our our credit, our respect, will tell each other who we finna who we finna hit. So, I'm like, "Hey, well, I'm finna go knock down such and such." And they'll be like, "Oh, okay. Yeah, all right. Well, yeah, do your thing." And then they'll go behind my back, go to the young lady I was dealing with who was {quote} unquote girlfriend, and be like, "Yeah, so, um what's up with you? You know, where where Tony at?" "Uh he's not here right now." "Oh, yeah, you know where he at?" "Nah, I don't know where he at." "Okay. Oh, you ain't heard from him?" "Nah, I ain't heard from him." "Well, I heard he might be with such and such." And then "Oh oh, yeah? Okay. Well, I got something for that then." And then she told her roommate, old old kind of redneck white girl, and she told her, "Hey, if they could do it, we could do it." And then my homeboy, who I had bet I bet him that he couldn't hit her. So, he was trying to win that bet. It wasn't even a real bet, but he was trying to prove like "I could I could do what you what you could do. Don't don't don't try me." And then, but I made that bet getting ahead of myself, not not I had forgot that I had knocked it down on the first night and she shot her shot at me. So, I knew I had my HO. And I just went and feeling myself thinking I just had her. And then I'm just was thinking like, "Hey, this how they is, you know, they easy like this. And sure enough, when I was out with somebody else in somebody else's room, he knocking her out. And then I had a teammate who I took his spot on the team. So, he was ahead of me on the depth chart. He was at number two, I was number three, third string running back. Then the first string running back tore his tore his ACL or something. And so, the coach skipped me from number three up to number one. And then the guy who was number two thought it was about to be his turn. He was a year older than me, too. The coach moved him behind me to the second string. And then after he moved then after I got in the game and fumbled the ball two times, coach moved me from first string to third string. And the guy who was second string behind me, he moved him to fourth string. So, now the guy hate me to death. So, now when I go to leave to go knock me some down, he was trying to get him some off off the young lady cuz he was like, "Nah, I want her cuz he done took my spot on the team." So, then he'll tell her who I'm actually with, who I'm sleeping with. And so, I remember one time trying to do something, you know, with this young lady. It nothing even end up happening. I come out the door, I got a yellow sticky note on the door from my girlfriend. It say, "I know you in there with such and such. Give me a call when you're done." And so, I went over there. Went to the room. By the time I went to the room, she had a different shirt on from when I left. So, I knew something was off. Knew something was off. And then one day had a teammate who just he was just real angry with my swag. He would I never did nothing to him, none of that. He just really he was from PG County in Maryland. Man, he just he was jealous of just like the Florida boy swag. And we were walking back to somebody's room going somewhere and he just was super hot and stuff, just real mad, like he wanted to fight. And I'm like, "What's wrong with this dude? Like like bro, I just like I just make you that mad? Like bro, I don't even know you. We don't even play the same position. I'm on offense, you on a defense. Like why in the world are you acting like this?" And he was like, "If your girl ain't cheating on you if your girl ain't cheating on you I'd get up I'd climb to the top of that chapel, get on the top of that steeple pull my pants down and let a man poke me in my booty." So I said, "Nah, for a black man to say this?" This help a G. So I went in there, I got in there like First 48. You hear me? I was in there like First 48 in a Memphis episode. I'm in there. Listen, I know everything. You better tell me every single detail right now. Or it's over. And then she went to crying, went to crying. And she So I'm channeling my First 48 and I'm just grilling grilling grilling. She'll tell me about this right here. So she tell me about this right here. So I'm like I'm thinking this is the end, but I just keep going cuz I'm like let me let me let me squeeze blood out this turnip. The turnip greens, some of y'all don't know what no turnip greens is. So I'm trying to squeeze blood out of turnip now. So I keep going and going and going and going and going. Now where I feel that is my roommate, which was another running back. I wrote him as her on the IM. And then I'm about to get get the get the juice out of him and then she come and say, "Let me talk to him." And then she get on there and she said, "I just told him we kissed." They probably had sex, but because she went on there and said, "I just told him we kissed." He said, "Okay." And so, that was my fault letting her take over. And but now I know, you know, and but it was after that came out. I couldn't let them see me sweat. So, I wanted them to think like, "Okay, I'm just treating her like a little body hopper. Like, I'm just this my bottom bee. Y'all know I'm cheating. Y'all know I'm sleeping with other girls. I'm going to just keep on the roster. I know y'all done knocked her down." So, I couldn't let them win by me breaking up with her. So, I stayed with her. And then still eating lunch with her, still got around me or whatever. And then but my homeboys, they knew who I was. They knew how I was. So, they started like sweating. They started getting real nervous. The ones that hadn't done something with her. And they knew she was old body hopper and that I had knocked off on her for night I met her and I just was really using her for her car and her savings cuz she came to college with $2,000 in savings. I came to college with $0. And she had a little Cavalier, a little Chevy Cavalier. So, I used to be bending corners. And so, out that savings she used to buy me all the jerseys, you know, all the Steph Curry jersey, whoever jersey. Not on the Steph Curry isn't league, but you know, Jason Richardson. The Warriors jersey, the Magic jersey, the 76ers, Allen Iverson jersey. I had all the jerseys. She'd buy me all the jerseys. And she'd take me out to eat. I'm I'm eating fried rice I'm eating chicken fried rice. Them boys down to the cafeteria. I'm out eating chicken fried rice. At night I'm getting the I'm getting the chicken sandwich from Hardee's with the honey mustard. I'm eating Wendy's. I'm I'm out there like a kingpin in prison on the commissary. And so, that's why I was with her. And then she won't focus. She was on the track team. She won't focus. She got kicked out of She got kicked out of college for grades. So, she went home and she was like, "I'm trying to come back next next semester cuz I want to be with you." And then, you know, she was telling me stuff. I ain't know if it was true or not. She was trying to be like, "Oh, I'm pregnant." And all that. She was saying stuff like that, like trying not to get me to leave her. But, as soon as school was over, I'm like, "Child, please. Girl, you even a I'm never going to be with you again. Like, you think I'm crazy?" I just So, I just needed to get through the get through the semester, come home for summer, then get me a fresh reset. But, my homeboys, they knew who I was. They they they They saw how I moved. So, they started asking, "Man, you sleep Man, you slept with my chick?" And in my head, I'm thinking like, "When would I could have When and how could I have slept with your woman?" Like, it was almost like they were thinking when they slept with my woman that I went to sleep with their woman. And I had done none with their woman. But, I just let them think. I was like, "You got to ask her about that, man." And I know they went and first 48 her. I mean, they probably grilled her to no end. They They might have got physical. And it was one of those things where So, this is how So, you got to realize, even though I'm with a body whopper, Molly whopper, with them being able to touch her, and them looking at me as like, "He taller than me. He fitter than me. He faster than me. He look better than me. He got more money than me. He dress better than me. He got a car on 20-in spinners, spinning rims. Like, and I'm sleeping with his chick. I didn't do it something with his chick." So, they're going to lose all hope and faith in women. But what they don't realize is she's in a broken state. She watching me leave, go sleep with another woman and come back and sleep with her. So, they and then she white and she grew up in West Virginia and had only seen two black boys before she saw all us at college. So, she also was deathly afraid of black boys cuz she didn't understand us and especially Florida boys. And my other homeboy, he was like swole with tattoos. The boy she did something with, he swole with tattoos, gold teeth, and dreads. So, she said my other teammate, which was his homeboy, she said he raped her. So, now if I was nasty, I could have gotten them boys in trouble, gotten them boys arrested, expelled cuz we in West Virginia. It's It's 1% black up there. But I let them live. And she let them live. She ain't She ain't want to tell her story, but that's what she told me now. And that could have been a lie, but again, if it was a lie cuz she said they ran a train on her, but she said the second boy forced her cuz she ain't want to do nothing with him. And she said they had her on the floor. And she went to get up and the second boy climbed on top of her and like put it pushed her in the chest back down to the ground. Now, guess what? If she was lying, that's how some boys get messed up, get jammed up because the woman get caught by her boyfriend and she have to say, "Oh, he took it." And so, that happens all the time, too. And that has happened to guys to where they got lied on, they lose their scholarship, they lose everything, and then the woman come out and say, "I was lying." But he's already lost everything. So, that makes the man lose all hope and faith in a woman. And then for me, even though I'm doing dirt, I'm still taking a strike against women. I'm still striking against women for her doing dirt in return. And it's almost like we have this this false reality, and we have this audacity to think we could go out and cheat, but the woman not going to cheat. But, we think that because we done seen that. We done seen a woman get cheated on and her not go cheat. Nah, we see that all the time with black women. But, we ain't know about white women and how they move. And so, when you see a woman get cheated on and not go cheat, or you see a woman getting cheated on and you trying to cheat with her and she won't cheat with you cuz she loyal to her man, and it's just how it is. Like how, you know, the uh little dirt home girl went up to hug. I think they said it was India Love, and she just kind of like shrugged and didn't hug him back and just kept going. It's like it's certain women have that type of loyalty to their man to where they don't even see another man. They don't pay another man no attention cuz I've done been that man getting ignored. But, a lot of guys who don't shoot their shot, they don't know that. So, they just sitting on the internet listening to other lames say all women cheat, all women cheat more than men, women cheat more than men, but they just smarter than men. So, they listen to all of them narratives. And while that is true for a sector of women, it's not true for the majority of women. And that's why men don't trust women because we have that experience. It's no different than stereotypes. Stereotypes is based on 1% of a population or of a demographic. But, that 1% now gets prescribed to the other 99% just like these podcast mics. There's so many people with a podcast mic that it's a lot of idiots on a mic. They put a message out there. They're a idiot. They put a message out and now we take and apply it to the whole gender or the whole race. No different when you watch the news and you see the black guy with dreads on the news arrested for armed robbery and they're showing a armed robbery guy as if he's a serial killer. And then they barely showed the white male serial killer, but they want to show you a different black armed robber every single day. So now when you pass a black guy as a woman, you clutching pearls. You clutching pearls. You you like, "Oh, these guys are all robbers." And that's how it is in relationships, too. Because of what a small sector has done, we prescribe it to every single person and it now or could be ascribed to every person and then now it's like we don't have any faith. We don't believe that it's possible. And so that's why men don't trust women. And so it is our job, male and female, to earn and to build trust with our partner. And you build trust through transparency. You also build trust through integrity. Meaning you have to have a code of conduct and a code of ethics that you have for yourself. So my I now have a rule. Don't talk bad about my wife to anybody. And that wasn't the case when I got in a relationship with my wife, nor was it the case for her. But we both learned the danger and how damaging that is because we both learned that when we go complain about our spouse to our loved one, our loved one loves us and not them. So our loved one will start to hate our spouse, despise our spouse, treat our spouse different and wrong, and then we with our spouse, so we understand the highs and the lows, the ebbs and the flows, so we get back in good graces with our spouse, but because we don't bad mouth them to our loved ones, when they come around our loved ones, our loved ones looking at them nasty, looking at them stink. And so my wife learned early that she can't talk to her mom about our relationship cuz her mom hold grudges. She is her mom's only child. Her mom will kill for her. Her mom will die for her. So she realized, I can't take my gripes and complaints about my husband to my mom cuz she don't know how to fake. She don't know how to not wear her thoughts and her feelings and her emotions on her face. So if we going to have a good relationship, then I can't do that. And then I had to learn that my my mom and sister, they will weaponize anything that I say to them when they get mad and I can't give them no money, they will weaponize whatever they think and feel about my wife against her and against me. And I had to learn that. Like, oh, I can't tell them. I now only person I can tell is my daddy. I can tell my daddy. And my wife may have one person she could tell or two people whoever. She might have somebody she could tell. But, it's very, very, very rare. It's very rare. So, that what you got to realize. And be ready, be prepared, be willing to earn trust. Be be ready to earn trust. Be ready to show that you are who you say you are. And don't be don't be against it. Like, don't don't feel like it's performative. Don't feel like you shouldn't have to do that. That's wrong. You you ought to just automatically be trusted. You shouldn't have to pay the price for somebody else's mistake, for what they went through in the past, and all of that. That's life. Because little do you realize they are paying for the mistakes of your past. And you don't even realize you're showing it. You don't even realize they're compensating for that. But, they are. So, hey, think about that. Join us in the Purpose Pushers community. If you ain't tried us out, come try us out for 7 days free of charge. Come check us on out. Seen in the comments the other day somebody said, "Can't believe I received this much value from a community in less than a week." So, that's what we in there doing. And we in there pushing. We in there pushing. Purpose Pushers, that's what the Lord gave me that name for. Purpose pushes, so get on on there, try us, work it into your budget when you get the time. You know, I I I know it's hard for group coaching and putting that, but it's like and I get it. We supposed to have a trainer, we supposed to have life coach, we supposed to have Then we want to have our fun cuz we want to have Netflix, we want to have Stars, want to have Peacock, Hulu, all this right here and it's a lot. It is a lot. But this one right here, you going to get a return on your investment. You going to be motivated, you going to be inspired, you going to be pushed, you going to be held accountable. It's going to be one of those situations. I'm about to post in the chat right now. So, hey, God bless you and we'll talk soon.