Video summary
In this high-energy podcast episode, Andrew Schulz and Chris Distefano open with a humorous take on Meghan Markle's new Netflix series before diving into their shared experiences regarding fertility struggles. The conversation centers heavily on Schulz's stand-up special about his journey to fatherhood, which he describes as one of the most cathartic projects of his life after discovering that his sperm count and morphology were significantly impaired due to varicocele—a condition where veins in the scrotum become inefficient at regulating temperature. Distefano shares how seeing this personal story on stage helped him overcome feelings of isolation regarding male infertility, a topic often overshadowed by narratives focusing solely on female reproductive issues. Schulz details his humorous yet painful experience with mail-in sperm samples and subsequent medical advice to avoid saunas and tight underwear, noting that even after two months of strict adherence, his results worsened before improving, leading him to realize the resilience required in such a personal battle. The dialogue shifts to broader societal pressures surrounding dating, marriage, and fatherhood as Schulz approaches age 37. He discusses how men often raise their standards due to the "sunk cost fallacy" of waiting too long while women face pressure regarding biological clocks, creating an awkward dynamic where fear of being alone can lead people into relationships with incompatible partners. Distefano offers a crucial piece of advice: one must love the person rather than just wanting the institution of marriage or parenthood; otherwise, minor annoyances become magnified red flags that shouldn't matter if there is genuine connection. They explore how courage often stems from fear and why staying in unfulfilling relationships out of loyalty can be more damaging to both parties than a clean break. Schulz reflects on his own past sacrifices during his twenties, where he prioritized honing his craft over social life or romance, only to realize later that time with family is fleeting and irreplaceable once children arrive. A significant portion of the discussion addresses Andrew Tate's recent legal troubles in Romania and Schulz's decision to welcome him back as an American citizen despite public backlash. Distefano argues that while emotional reactions on social media are understandable, facts remain separate from optics, citing Ben Shapiro's tendency to dismiss feelings rather than address underlying issues. He suggests that Tate lost his "societal utility" when conservative views became mainstream and he was no longer needed for ideological defense, particularly after the Israel-Palestine conflict shifted public opinion against him. Schulz counters by emphasizing financial independence as a shield against such criticism; once an individual reaches a certain level of wealth or success ("f*** money"), they can afford to ignore external judgments because their family's safety and happiness are no longer dependent on societal validation. This concept extends to the idea that true freedom comes from prioritizing one's own values over public perception, allowing creators to pivot back to what originally inspired them rather than chasing fame or trends. The conversation concludes with a profound reflection on time management and the definition of success in adulthood. Schulz contrasts his youth spent grinding without celebration against his current desire to maximize every moment with his wife and daughter before they grow up too fast, noting that memories are permanent but opportunities for new ones vanish quickly. He advocates for redefining masculinity away from metrics like follower counts or squat weights toward active fatherhood and emotional presence, citing viral videos of dads interacting lovingly with their children as the ultimate goal. Distefano expresses deep admiration for Schulz's special not just for its humor, but for normalizing male fertility struggles and encouraging men to embrace vulnerability without shame. Ultimately, both agree that while life involves inevitable regrets about missed opportunities or timing, one should never regret pursuing a path of love and family when it finally appears, as the instinctual drive to create a legacy often unlocks new abundance and purpose in ways previously unimagined.
Read the full video transcript
what a great day for Netflix yeah Megan
markle's new lifestyle series drops
today there's two lives out there is
that it wait Did she have another show
they're not giving her more shows with
love brand new series drops right now
she can't miss bro you only fail up you
really only fail up this is crazy this
is CRA have we started the Pod yeah okay
we have all right this is fire I just
want to let everybody know that you know
Chris usually spends a lot of money on
sets and I and I told him I was like
save
it I said don't rent out a warehouse or
something aesthetically pleasing and
have a whole team of cameras I just have
five Serbian guys set these things up
here throw some fleshlights in the back
and we'll be good and I think we'll get
the same thing across okay youve had a
hard day I shouldn't even bust your
balls about this but oh we're living
yeah look D you versus Megan marel today
that's it she's in next so what's her
what's her thing what's her like uh
story what's the well she's it's a
reality show about her she's got
genitals so potent that America finally
managed to take down the United Kingdom
right not with war not with bureaucracy
but with a woman who literally managed
to suck the [ __ ] privilege out of
Prince Harry using her magical
Yoni it is interesting that she's so um
so hated huh what is that
about why do people dislike her if you
want to search Megan marle cuz we don't
like the roal family really I think
we're kind of ambivalent towards them in
America yeah you guys think it's kind of
like a cricket or something yeah it's
like a [ __ ] artifact yeah yeah it's
not I heard you were a bowler I was yeah
I was for like a pretty good school mhm
yeah that was the only way I got into
University they reduced my entry
requirements because they thought I was
going to come and play sport little did
they know that they just had a like
adult infant waiting in the wings who
was going to completely like so you
stopped playing the second you went
essenti I mean I Dro down to like just
drinking partying and running events and
then they did that thing uh why are the
Indians so good at that they're not
really athletic people well think about
all of the places that good at Cricket
yeah places that we colonized Australia
India Pakistan Canada Canada pretty good
at it as well so do you give them a
thing to like beat you at for fun like
is that how you you keep them yeah you
can have that don't re we'll keep the
rubies don't reell again yeah you guys
play in the field for two days I I I've
been looking forward to telling this cuz
I saw you do your show here in Austin
about a year ago almost exactly a year
ago that's right and uh I went and got a
sperm count done because did you because
of you exclusively because of you and
how was it uh first one so I got a whole
[ __ ] story for you about please tell
me I love this I love he people Journeys
what size shoe are you bro that's a US
10 you got okay you double digits all
right that's a cute that's a cute size
right there 10 all right you're a big
[ __ ] to have a size 10 yeah well
look
you're a big guy I don't know if that's
a 10 oh no that's a nine actually I wear
I wear a 10 but these are a nine I Gotta
Give me that camera stop
fingaring you been me for three minutes
and you're like [ __ ] got to pair of
Doc Martin up against my going to tell
me your sperm is way better than mine
I'm not I'm not so wait do you have
shitty sperm too let me [ __ ] a whole
thing a whole got distracted about my
wife's Crocs on you I got a little
intimidated this this is the this is my
prophylactic okay this is my [ __ ]
this is my protection well if the sperm
is bad you don't even need it bro that's
true I can just W The Croc that's double
protection anyway so uh do a Menin one I
do a mailing sperm thing you ever seen
how that works so you put it in susp
done it all so when I did my mailing I
was jerking off and um in my room while
my wife was in the other room she's like
I'll give you a few minutes to do this
and I was like and then I was like can
you and then she's like I don't know if
I I don't want to get you know any
Interruption whatever and I remember I
was jerking off in my bed by myself I
never jerked off in my bed of my home by
myself and at one point I'm I'm I'm
jerking off and I look up and my TV is
off so it's just a
reflection and that is the saddest day
of my life right there that is KN
knowing that your wife is on the other
side of a wall and watching myself jerk
off into like a black screen status Paul
noever yeah and like also you think your
Strokes are way longer when you're doing
it and not being filmed but I'm not
really going that far it's more of like
a it's like a quicker pump like any come
pant yes exactly yes having a seizure
small vibration exactly but like in
standup if I was ever doing it I'd
always be like yeah I'm fing nah KN got
the length man anyway mail it in comes
back H that's not so good I start chat
GPT and and they're like well you have
to remember the suspension liquid says
do not Shake right this isn't a it's not
a [ __ ] Core Power you're not supposed
to like make sure oh did you no no no
but the dpd guy that carried it for 24
hours doesn't know to not shake it right
he Chucks it in the back with the Amazon
returns and all the rest of the stuff so
anyway then I go to atin Urology yeah in
Austin and it's way better but but still
shitty varicus seal oh yeah of course I
got all that did you get your surgery uh
no because so I had it since I was young
varicus yeah yeah so explain what that
is to people they don't know what it is
varil is uh looks like someone threw up
in your ball sack it's a inefficient
of vasculature around the epidemis so
you should you should just everybody
listening should just compare how both
of us talk about the world right there
mhm you described exactly what it was
throw up open your ball and I said this
is what it looks like so your between
the two of us yeah yeah we got it
perfect exactly yeah both ends of the IQ
bell curve understood what's going on it
means it means that uh you're not
circulating heat away actually Heat's
the issue right exactly so so uh your
balls descend
when it's hot and then they ascend when
it's cold right this why you know you're
freezing your balls get all tight and
they're basically trying to like monitor
the temperature of the bull sex so that
your sperm doesn't die and what some
verico seal is is that you have some
veins a lot of times that should be
further up into your like basically
stomach area like groin area and they
just fall into your bols and I had those
for a while I remember a doctor once
said we can do it but we won't know if
it will do anything he even said this to
me it's funny I haven't even thought
about this he goes um he goes it might
affect your ability to get pregnant or
it might not and this is when I was in
like my 20s and uh cuz I thought I had
ball cancer that's what I thought it was
cuz you just see this [ __ ] oh there's
like something like just imagine like a
sack of spaghetti like in your balls and
I was like and he's like yeah just might
affect your ability to get pregnant and
um and I remember thinking like oh leave
it you know what I mean I'm in New York
I'm running around yeah I'm like
whatever it is what it is and um and
yeah wow years later W I should have
thought about that when I was going
through the whole thing okay so your you
had vericle seal how was your did they
swim mhm yeah yeah yeah morphology
motility count like all pretty good but
uh they weren't warped at all you didn't
have any uh no yeah yeah but uh anyway
all of that went through all of that
just because of you well I appreciate
that I hope everybody goes out there and
does it I think save yourself some time
dude I I think that guys especially it's
so easy to just come in a cup yeah it's
also there's you know there's plastic
and everything thing like they were
finding what is it the microplastics are
in your balls and like everybody's
worried about drinking a pull in spring
because of the microplastics and like my
buddy told me if a car in a city stops
like they just hit their brakes the
amount of microplastic that goes into
the environment yeah like drinking out
of plastic [ __ ] is the equivalent of
like not using a plastic straw to help
the ocean like 90% of the [ __ ] up in the
ocean comes from the uh was it
commercial fishing you seen this where
they just like leave the Nets out there
did you see that doc which one it's a
documentary called um oh I'm gonna
forget the [ __ ] name it was like a
pun but they did the wrong pun I wish we
had another person in this room as a
[ __ ] researcher whatever we can just
get it wrong we can just keep getting
everything no no no it was uh are they
listening out there do any of you guys
know what it is uh see something oh God
uh it was a c spiracy yes okay okay we
don't need you we don't need you
Jonathan go away yeah um and it's like
yes you I kind don't want to correct
people here but it should have been
conspiracy very good come to Andrew
Schultz for your branding requirements
you know what I mean this is what we do
over here like new tonic thank you yeah
it makes sense you see I was chastised
for drinking new tonic the second I sat
down on this podcast tonic um
chastise said anytime oh
wow guys we John we need to clean the
tops of the new tonic before we put them
on the podcast okay I understand we're
in a CIA bunker that USA has been
funding in Pakistan that we're doing
this podcast but I need the top of the
newtonic cleaned can we get a shot of
this I think this is where Chris put his
Sample about the right amount uh the
[ __ ] difference in volume dude oh
what you warned me the [ __ ] sperm
sample thing oh yeah it's brutal it's
like it's so humbling you know what's
funny is when I first did um when I
first did it it uh I I joke around in
the special there's one thing I didn't
say in the special but like uh first of
all when I first got the results your
ego plays so much and they're like it
wasn't that good what I said to my wife
was um she's like yeah they we got the
results and they weren't that good and
they're like and some of them are like
morphed like there's like an issue with
not just swimming but they were like
shaped weird and uh I dead serious said
to my wife I was like well maybe it was
the force that they hit the
cup you know like it's a [ __ ] car wre
exact was 911 like boom just smacking
into that cup Yes somewhere get B
exactly exactly but no dude I hit a
huberman I was like what should I do and
him and a bunch of other doctors gave me
all this like put you in a group chat
Andrew's struggling guys he's like whoa
hey Andrew I just [ __ ] just me and
you dude he was really sweet he was
really sweet actually he gave me like a
list of things to do he gave me these
pills I got to take I started taking the
pills he's like and my and the doctors I
spoke to say the same thing they're like
you you got to ice your balls every
single day no more sauna no more baths
no more Sona no more baths you got to
wear baggy underwear so you can't wear
like the tight ones uh stop smoking and
stop drinking I did that for two months
my sperm got
worse the doctor like literally goes
we've never seen this happen
before so I was like what should I do he
you might as well just go back to
drinking I was like all right fine
that's they've obviously become [ __ ]
accustomed to it they've got like
Stockholm syndrome body ex like I'm one
of those like professional athletes that
was like better when you could like
drink and like do Coke like the John
dailying that's what my sperm is my
sperm is John Daly you want him on a
[ __ ] case of Bud Lights and then
you're going to see him do 18 holes
you've never seen anything in your life
yeah uh dude I I I genuinely think
that it's one of the most like
meaningful stand-ups I've ever seen oh
thank you man I think it's I watched it
again the car right here and uh I
managed to not cry in the back of the
car that's cool when the Uber driver was
in front of me uh but I didn't manage to
hold it together when you did it live so
uh I want to ask how does it feel
getting this personal
on stage you know it's presumably one of
the most difficult
periods by far the most difficult time
my life just like like what's it feel
like uh cathartic when I started talking
about it because it's very isolating
when you go through any like fertility
stuff cuz the assumption is it's your
wife we all and I talk about in the
special but like that you never assume
it could be you at all so in the
beginning I was like hesitant to talk
about it because I didn't want to
embarrass her and she was like
heartbroken by the whole thing like she
she you know you like uh you start
thinking of reasons why your ovaries are
[ __ ] up and her ovaries were were
perfect but she didn't know and um she
would be like I know it's cuz I used to
watch like movies on my laptop on my
stomach and like she like she starts
coming up with all these Solutions as to
why she did it and and um I like prayed
the night before we got our test results
and I was like if there is a problem
just make it me that's how confident I
was that it was
her like I was so confident
much spare fertility that I can take the
[ __ ] I go do me a favor God like just
make it me she can't handle this and
then
doct God's like I gotta bet yeah so yeah
it was but it was nice to talk about
because it's so isolating and then when
I found out it was my issue it was uh
then I really felt more comfortable
sharing because I'm not embarrassing her
in any way you get to own your own
issues yeah and it was the first time in
my life I've ever been personal or told
stories really on stage like I've never
been I I always thought my life was
boring I thought that like my opinions
on things were more interesting than my
actual life and um so I was excited for
the challenge of like being personal and
being like a Storyteller and um yeah I
was like maybe I can turn this into
something I always try to do something
different every special I put out and uh
so I started reading all these books
about like storytelling and like trying
to understand like what that is and it
was really cool to learn you know it's
it's really our oldest form of digesting
information before we had like a notepad
or before we had the ability to just
like remember statistics or facts we
just told each other stories there's a
reason why like the most important texts
are not hey this is the information you
need to know they kind of like build it
into a story hey this is why you should
have faith because look at this outcome
they don't give you like the statistics
of the people that pray every single day
and this is how long they live it
doesn't hit us the same way as hey he
built the boat and he was the one who
lived you know and um yeah it's
interesting even like in the special
like there are some joke parts of the
special and then you kind of I almost
like trick you into getting into the
story and I can feel a difference when
we're in the story in the way that the
audience is
invested it is this innate human
instinct if somebody comes in the room
right now they go guys the craziest [ __ ]
just happened we'll give them 15 seconds
even if they're a complete
stranger I don't know what that is
you'd probably be able to figure that
out but like there's something about it
we're we're like hardwired to be
interested in them it's interesting
stories is it even fair to sort of call
it like a comedy special when you get to
the stage where you have referring to
Archive footage and sort of interacting
with [ __ ] that's behind you and there
entire five minute blocks where no one's
laughing yeah yeah it's like there's
there's a the way I I looked at is like
when I was touring it I didn't tell tell
anybody that it was about this because I
think sometimes what happens when you do
like a oneman show you almost like ask
the audience to reduce their comedic
expectations like if somebody's like
here's a oneman show it's going to be
this like thought-provoking thing and
then we'll also kind of be funny but
you're there for the kind of
thought-provoking thing and I'm a
standup I'm not a oneman show so I
didn't nobody knew this was what it was
about the entire tour mhm and I never
positioned it in that way I didn't even
talk about it on the Pod until I
announced the special
so I wanted the highest comedic
expectations but then I wanted to see if
I could almost like trick you
into listening to this so the first like
chunk is just like hard-hitting standup
that is related and if you like go back
to it you're like oh okay and then like
this is like little [ __ ] that nobody
will pick up but like even the first
joke that I
tell
is ties into like
the last moment with her not even the
Staten Island thing like the first joke
I tell about
the and I wonder if anybody would pick
this up like the first joke was about
like uh you know we're pregnant and then
I go you know this is what guys always
say we're pregnant whatever I forget
exactly the joke um these guys are like
we're pregnant like no she's pregnant
it's like ridiculous to take credit for
that it's like when my wife says we made
a lot of money right and then it sets up
this idea that like it's not really we
and then when my wife wife is in like
the toughest moment of her life she says
it's not your fault we'll figure it out
we do this together you don't have
problems we have problems exactly and
it's just I don't know for me it's like
this cool little hey that part that you
thought was completely unrelated to this
part everything is a is a seed that's
going to be harvested later can
you what were the books that you read if
you can Williams
store um I think it's just called story
The Art of Storytelling or the science
of Storytelling there's another one the
sence of Storytelling maybe that's the
William store one and then there's
the hero of a thousand faces there's
like a bunch I I bought like cards on
Instagram anything I could get my hands
on it was called like storytelling
tactics and those weren't that great but
it was like anything I could get my
hands on about story I was just like I
just need to understand what makes it
compelling what grabs attention what is
like a three Arc structure how do was a
movie written and I kind of wrote it
like a movie without you knowing and
what did you or what have you come to
learn about the most important basic
when it comes to telling a good story I
think Stakes are really important
problems are really important it can't
be uh uh it can't be and
then it has to be
like so we had to do this and then is
just I'm telling you another thing this
problem caused this but then this
happened yes so so you're not just going
here's this series events each event has
to be a catalyst for the next one mhm
this thing pushes and luckily or
unluckily however you look at it you
know I want to look at it with a
positive perspective is like you know
this story kind of unfolded in a way
that was you know kind of traditional in
that story and it were you know we it
worked out God bless you know not all
the time it does yeah there's a good use
of emission which is something I learned
from Mr Bolan he a strange dark and
mysterious so huge YouTube channel like
10 million 50 million post on YouTube my
bad my bad it's all uh you like scary
spooky story [ __ ] that listen to and um
one of the things that he taught me on
the Pod last show was a mission is
really important yeah so continuing to
set stuff up but leaving out very key
pieces of information with kind of beg
the question or get there and you know
there's things where you could have told
a story within 15 seconds but you can
make it interesting for 3 minutes by not
the payoff is at the very very end yeah
holding that attention yeah yeah people
want to know you know the people who
relate to it I think that's the yeah the
yeah the coolest thing about
it uh about the
tour and I mean outside of doing [ __ ]
Arenas and [ __ ] that's awesome it's like
what you dream of like what I wrote down
on little pieces of paper when I first
started comedy but was all these people
who had come to the show and they were
like going through it and again it's
really
isolating your best friends are probably
going through IVF and they don't tell
you MH the women who are going through
it and if the issue is theirs you
definitely don't talk about it cuz
fertility is this like really volatile
subject for women right like they're
pushing their baby making time back
because they want to do these careers
that they've been told that they should
do but some of them don't even really
want to do it and there's all these like
weird societal expectations that we
could get into which I think kind of
interesting but um so if it's their
fault they are like just mortified to
have to share and they feel like there's
maybe something wrong with them and um
she less of a woman yeah or less of a
man yeah 100% and um and you go through
that for a second I I never felt less of
a man what I thought was did I do
something wrong that I'm being punished
for like why should I right somehow yeah
why should I not have kid like why does
God not want me to have kids like and
I'm not like a religious person really
but we we started going to church a bit
I'll tell you comic say what it felt
comic yeah some way there like he was
like did I do something to deserve this
cuz you're trying to justify it right
you're like I'm a good person I take
care of my friends and my family like
what the what is this I work hard I
don't think I've mistreated my body that
much yeah so you try to find the
justification for it and then you got to
switch that perspective to like no [ __ ]
is hard life is hard and you could
either fold or you could get after it
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docomond wisdom what's IVF like the
process of that it's hard for them it's
hard for yeah like yeah I mean deal like
when they're on my wife reacted pretty
crazy to the drugs like they I mean I
talk about the special but they shoot
them up with all the hormones and like
you know I didn't we got into like an
argument like a full out argument in a
Japanese restaurant you don't realize
how quiet Japanese restaurants are until
like you are full out arguing like elbow
to elbow in a small New York City
Japanese restaurant and the only thing
that interrupts it is when a new person
walks in sh
sh everybody stops and then we're back
to fighting as they're slurping udon it
is a uh yeah it's it yeah you get into
it you definitely get into it but my
wife was good she didn't like resent me
for it and she could have she could have
been like you're the reason why I'm
doing this and in no way did that come
out so a lot of credit there yeah the
that line about you don't have problems
we have problems we're a team instead of
taking on this battle together it must
be very reassuring I have a friend whose
wife went through IVF um she was 42 so
she was really toward the end and I
think you can actually do this where you
get to kind of this is the last Harvest
of eggs that you have this is just
squeezing the very last few drops out of
the sort of sponge of fertility and um
two stories uh lovely woman very smart
very balanced uh one day threw a
grapefruit at him so hard that it
bruised his ribs um when when she was
going through the IVF and then a couple
of days later she opened the front door
and there was 30 Amazon boxes on the
front porch yeah like what the [ __ ] is
this they were all addressed to the
house so it wasn't some El's thing
brings them inside and starts opening
them up and it's like pink lace doilies
and and curtain ties and
little uh coasters and and bit like
knick-knacks and stuff like Dolores
Umbridge from [ __ ] Harry Potter
sweety sweety sort of nicey nicy and um
in some hormonal Fugue State fever dream
thing she' just gone on Amazon and Ed
the mo literally she like got got wasted
on progesterone and uh just gone crazy
on girly [ __ ] what the [ __ ] is it is
wild yeah she started nesting probably
they do that [ __ ] too once they deeper
into the pregnancy how so yeah you just
start like buying furniture and you
start to like create your home I think
it's biological like they say this about
women but that's when you know it's
taken cating the space speak yeah yeah
it's amazing to see them yeah I don't
know I hope it's something I think
pendulums have to swing obviously you
know you see it politically and I think
you see it culturally and um I hope yeah
maybe it swings back to the point where
we start to Value being a mom and like
only being a mom as a uh societal
benefit and not as somebody who's like
taking the easy way out I think that
well someone who's been conned by the
patriarchy into being a domestic
prostitute somehow yeah oh sweetie what
a shame for you yeah yeah yeah I think a
lot of women who never had kids pushed
out that
ideology and it's a yeah it's a yeah
it's a tricky thing and it is something
that's like distinct
to places like this like very I guess
you would say modern places and keep in
mind like my mom worked my dad worked
for my mom my mom had a dance studio
they taught ballroom dance lessons but
it was my mom's studio and my dad kind
of like eventually came in and ran it
you know he was a journalist and then he
came in and um so I'm used to like women
working and killing it and
uh but there is this thing like my my
wife is like very high performing you
know like she got her MBA and and then
she like worked for Apple she was like
running AI projects at Apple and then
she was like she had to like grapple
with this thing where it's like I don't
really want to do this this doesn't make
me happy I'm kind of doing it because
Society wants me to do this and I want
to prove that I'm just because I'm a
woman I it doesn't mean that I have to
be this domesticated person I can go out
there I can compete with every guy yeah
and then she had to just be like I
really want to be a mom that's what my
dream in life I've always wanted to be a
mom and I would see her when she would
bump into people she used to work with
on the street and they'd be like so
where you working now and she' be like
she would say oh I'm um yeah I'm just a
mom and the just would kill
me yeah it's like you would hope that we
could set something up where you're like
I I I quit man you know my baby was born
I was able to stay home with the baby
actually I'm a mom now yeah yeah I don't
work I'm a mom now yeah I do work I'm a
mom and and we're lucky enough that we
get to do it I got promoted I got
exactly yeah and I and I think Society
should value that and I think more women
will choose that if they can it's a
luxury it's a privilege yes but I think
that I think probably Texas values that
a little bit more New York is it's not
very family oriented and I was born and
raised there which is an insane thing
but it's you go to New York to make it
you know and
um yeah I'd like to see that I'd like to
see that switch up a little bit there's
a mimetic sense to this I think that um
you kind of do what you see the people
around you doing oh brother yeah I mean
four people got pregnant during this
tour so we got pregnant we
yeah I'm back on board [ __ ] you did
catch me yeah so yes we got pregnant
both of my openers got pregnant Mark
Mark and Derek Derrick's wife is now
pregnant and are the person who does our
visuals and lighting Rob who I think you
met Rob and his wife Cheryl they got
pregnant with their second holy [ __ ]
pumping him out I mean what does they
say that there's some like some know
biblical term about like the power of
the tongue but it is the community that
you keep and like and you're seeing this
thing happening so crazy to see four of
us everybody on the the Domino's fell
isn't that nuts so yeah it was just this
beautiful yeah it was beautiful
beautiful thing to see it happen yeah I
uh I I do wonder what can be done to
kind of pedestalize motherhood again I
think it will happen naturally like I
think a lot of times like we see things
that we think are like wrong societally
and then we try to like push that you
know progress or regress whatever it is
like speedrun it back to yeah and you
kind of can't this this guy Lil Duvall
is like a huge mentor of mine
comedically like he would always speak
about this I mean he's just like like a
brilliant philosopher that you wouldn't
realize but he's just he's so he's
brilliant and um but he would always say
this is like you can't push people into
things they have to learn on their own
and then react to the errors of their
ways if it is even an error but we're
we're reactive you know and it's just
like like even politically like what's
happening right now it's just reaction
you know like this election is reaction
it's no it's not going on podcast
everybody's like oh he went on you guys
and Theo and Rogan and that's what
changed the election it's like we didn't
have zero impact on the election zero
everybody had already decided and it
might have made them feel more
comfortable their decision but I think
that those decisions are are made way
before and it's just Society reaction
everybody thinks that like every person
that voted for Trump is this like ride
or die Trump guy I think they're
actually the majority of people were
rejecting a societal push in a direction
that they didn't feel comfortable with
and I yeah I think that's I a lot of it
is a a protest vote yeah against it's
not I'm not voting for this thing I'm
voting not for that yeah I think that's
what happened with Trump when he lost
right it was like H this is too chaotic
I don't want to deal with this [ __ ]
anymore give me the old guy and it's
like it was a vote against Trump no it
was like for Biden and I think like the
administration you could C it doesn't
matter everybody's like all right this
is too much like I don't I'm not feel
comfortable with my with my life right
now let's try something else so yeah I
think it was the protest yeah I think
that was one of the reasons that your
special again when I saw it last year
and then again now was really important
to give people something that feels a
bit more grounded real and meaningful
and within that control as opposed to
coming out and going you know zinsky
Trump was the amberh her Johnny Depp of
[ __ ] 2025 uh which by the way I think
is actually true like that really should
have [ __ ] been done behind closed
doors like why are the why the Press
there watching this [ __ ] well they
didn't think that's what was going to
happen they thought it was going to be a
big announcement for a mineral deal blah
blah blah yeah and then it didn't go
that way and I think
that yeah that's my assumption at least
I don't think Trump would ever put
something out there where it could
potentially look foolish right like if
didn't account for the wild card that is
JD Vans yeah I don't even think was JD I
think zinsky was just like he he should
just never agreed to it he's like hey I
don't like this deal so let's not get in
front of the cameras and do it and I
like JD going why are we litigating this
in front of the American public like
that felt a little subversive and I
could see like a negative reaction on it
like we're here to have a harra let's
high five moment and this turned into
not that
so maybe let's not do it here yeah more
and JD JD you got hey watch out for that
[ __ ] yo he's going to be around
for a while yo it's like I I don't even
again I don't react to like people based
on their like political leaning like I
don't really care about that like
culture is way more interesting to me I
don't like like jumping on a side with
these things I understand that like
people who don't know me at all and and
are like oh this guy's some [ __ ]
rightwing magga lunatic it's like yeah I
don't I have empathy for even thinking
that like you just see headlines you see
some crazy joke I told like I'm totally
I'm totally fine I understand the world
we live in right but for me like I just
kind of look at like people and ideas
and I try to react to how what public
sentiment is to that like I'm always
reacting to feeling I don't really react
to a specific event and I'm not trying
to like explain logically the event like
I'm more interested in like the
emotional reaction of things so like
when mangion shot the dude and then the
internet kind of didn't really feel that
bad they were like joking around about
it I'm like oh this is like rich people
you got to pay attention to this cuz
they don't care about y'all anymore like
any one of y'all could get killed and it
would be fine and if you're the
billionaire class you got to be very
aware that your life is not valued by
the rest of us that's a and I'd imagine
very rich people if we're going to look
at this into like in a
microcosm I imagine
they let's just assume I'm not think
they're bad by the way but let's just
assume that they want as much money as
they possibly can this is like a unfair
assumption but let's just play with this
little thought
experiment you also want comfort you
want as much money as you can get but
you also want Comfort right so like if
you're living in some third world
country and you're like the richest
person there it's not really comfortable
because you know at any point in time
these people in [ __ ] sandals could
storm your house and they take out the
five security guards and then they
kidnap your whole family it's not
comfortable one of the nice things about
America is like being rich is
comfortable right the first world like
being rich is you can be comfortable you
don't have to worry about like your kid
getting kidnapped like [ __ ] Canelo
Alvarez I think his brother got
kidnapped like the week of his fight
once and nobody knew it and it was just
like a normal thing that happens he's
the boxer it's just a Tuesday it's like
getting a flight delayed yeah and he had
to like work out the [ __ ] payments
like days before the fight so this is a
normal thing that you have to accept so
in order to make sure your life is
comfortable you have to make sure that
the poorest people have enough to eat
eat and get a roof over their head and
provide for their family they they
probably don't need that much more
there's a lot of interesting distraction
that goes on in America there's a lot of
things that they can take part in
they're like beautiful and amazing and
it will pacify but the second they go
below I can't feed myself and they have
no hope of upward Mobility they'll kill
you that is a and and then when someone
else kills you they'll laugh about it
and they'll be like good so when I saw
that I was like wow Americans are very
disol I knew that there were dis
disillusion with like you know
institutions I knew that there was
issues obviously with the medical you
know industrial complex or whatever
these terms they start building up but
that right there that is a point of
concern and if you're the the really
wealthy you either got to beef up
security or you got to be talking to
Donald you got to be talking to these
Senators you go we need to do something
for these people eggs got to be
affordable MH you you're push it's
you're squeezing them right now and you
can only squeeze them so far before you
get the French Revolution you know you
can't you can't be like all right well
they don't got bread give them cake or
whatever that lady
saidat [ __ ] eggs uh yeah it I was
really really surprised by that as
someone who I didn't have any health
insurance in the US until the start of
last year CU I didn't have a Social
Security number and okay just to get it
set up and blah blah blah and uh I
didn't know how many medical claims
aren't verified or accepted or rejected
I didn't know how long it got pushed
back for how long people have to wait
well you can't go to that provider the
one that you want you got to go to the
one that we say and then you can't do
this and it's going to take six months
and so on and so forth and then you get
to the end of this thing and sorry
you're out of pocket the number one
reason for bankruptcy in America is
medical medical debt yeah I mean dude
you see the same reaction to those
California fires the the second people
started to hear was like celeb's houses
they're like ah they'll figure it out
like they didn't really care like
Californians were really concerned about
it outside of California the senton was
kind of like H you guys will be all
right if not outright
Applause and you got to pay attention to
that culture like these are the things
that if you're a politician you really
got to listen to and I feel like I feel
like that's what the Dems and I'm a
lifelong I come from a dance family in
New York City like what do you think my
political leanings have been my entire
life I I grew up in the Arts going to
ballet a dance family in New York City
right so you got to look at this like
them's got to look at this and they got
to start going okay okay what are we
missing here we're not listening to the
people mhm I think sometimes there can
be a little bit of a pretentiousness
with with the Dems like where they're
like because the part is kind of ruled
by these like IV League Elites that you
know Pat themselves on the back for like
caring about the oppressed and the
ostracized and they're so detached from
them that they're just like we know what
you guys need so we'll do it and look
look we're doing it right there's this
pat on the back and I mean like you they
they literally need to look at Bernie
you like her politics or not but AOC
like AOC if you want to look at data
like she I think pulled the same as
Trump in her District now why is that
are Polar
Opposites I don't know there it wouldn't
surprise me if we see the pendulum
swinging back I can already see some of
you know the the anti-woke stuff that
was like super cool for the last eight
years something like that yeah it's
that's over the so woke was over for a
little while but anti-woke was lagging
behind it yeah right yeah and now when I
see this crazy bathroom pronoun thing
online it just feels like dude this was
maybe how much your eggs y this was
maybe interesting and cool when you were
speaking truth to power as a rebellious
Anarchist that was outside of the system
but now you're inside the tent pissing
out sure there's one thing about the
inside the tent but most people aren't
even in the tent caring about your
bathroom
experience is way
later after I could afford eggs
do you know what I mean like if I can't
afford eggs I don't care where you go to
the bathroom I don't care what your
pronoun is like I don't care like it
those things don't matter to me if you
got a house or you're a [ __ ] fourth
generation neppo baby from like a this
like incredibly wealthy family of course
your life is so good I I should figure
out how I can make all these you know
ostra sdes groups comfortable but
somebody that can't afford eggs and is
about the default on their loan loan
forget it they can't pay their rent
owning a home is like a completely
different mhm they don't care like even
right now everybody's like oh the
economy's tanking what's going on okay
housing prices are going to come down
and then the the stock market's going
down right do you think that Trump's
supporters have money invested in the
stock market do you think they own
homes it's the LA fires again it's
they're just watching rich people lose
some of their R they don't give a [ __ ]
you know what I'm saying like so so you
have to be like really tuned in to like
how people are emotionally reacting to
this stimulus and I think that's to me
the advice that I try to give Dems is
like make it a class issue and you win
every single time there's a reason why
people [ __ ] with Bernie Sanders and AOC
for that he cuts across all of the other
groups yo he's saying rich people got a
lot of money you don't got a lot of
money we need to get you money the only
way to get it to you is by taking from
them doesn't matter about who you're
having sex with it doesn't matter about
the color of your skin hey make it a
class issue the reason they don't is cuz
a lot of them are in bed with with these
billion dollar corporations so they
can't make it a class issue because the
people paying them are that high class
so they're like uh trans uh bathrooms
they have to make it about these
identity politics issues because they
can't Target the real [ __ ] issue
which is huge wealth inequality in
America I don't know how to solve it I'm
not smart enough to figure that [ __ ] out
but I do know what the problem is and
what exists and what resonates with
people and that's AOC she you like her
politics or not doesn't [ __ ] matter
every day she's going he them rich
people are trying to [ __ ] you Amazon's
trying to not pay you and the people in
her neighborhood the people who are
voting for her going I do feel like
she's trying to help me out and they
also feel Trump is trying to help her
out so where is that VIN diagram hitting
MH that's it being a podcaster isn't
always as glamorous as it seems for
instance I just took a 3-hour uber ride
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and seeing that it is currently midnight
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wisdom and modern wisdom a check out you
did uh a bunch of shows in the UK oh
yeah that was on this last tour talk to
me about what you learned differences
similarities UK US
um similarities like oh you know was
really interesting to find out like how
like culturally distinct the little
towns in England are that's really cool
like to to know that like Liverpool and
Manchester are 30 minutes apart but
they're two completely different like
ethnic groups so to me like going to the
UK I think a lot of times we just treat
white people as a monolith and the UK is
a perfect example of like why you can't
even do that in a tiny little country
and these like little idiosyncrasies of
these these two cities that are 30
minutes away from one another and uh
don't sound anything alike different
Lifestyles it's crazy different football
teams yeah and it's uh so to me that was
really exciting going into these little
places and whenever I go into a place I
I just really like I'm I don't know I'm
curious you know my dad was really
curious guy and I I always want to learn
a little bit about something and like
try to write some jokes that reflect
that and um you maybe for a few minutes
in the set they get to feel really seen
or kind of recognized by someone they
might not think would do that and um but
yeah I love that you know going to
Scotland was awesome my mom's born and
raised in Scotland so doing that show
there was really great what' you do the
hydro Glasgow yeah is it the Hy uh ssse
Hydro it looks like a um armadillo yeah
yeah yeah I think that's the hydro yeah
yeah and um and also just the way that
they react to standup like like with the
Scotland show I could have just talked
to them for three hours like they just
wanted to be in the room and like
telling stories like on some bonfire
[ __ ] M and it was like I just happy of
there you know it's [ __ ] miles away
from everything it is that came but
there's also like this I think there's
like a cultural sentiment it's like it's
and I think you also get another place
there's this like Pub culture where
we're all hanging and here's this thing
and I'm going to share with you and you
guys are involved and there's going to
be some quip and we're going to have I
also think there's a little catharsis
for them because like it's a little bit
more censored out there so then when I
come and I'm saying these jokes that are
kind of wild they get to they get to
have this experience is kind of more
similar to the their everyday lives like
there's a public Persona you have to put
on and then when you're at the bar with
your boys is a very different version of
you so now they're in public but they
get that same version so I think that
was cool Ireland was just great yeah it
was awesome man I will say that the
Middle East was more uh uh aware of
American culture though than the
UK that's interesting yeah why do you
think that
is I think that uh they're all educated
here
and because of that they're acutely
aware of our stuff and also all their TV
and stuff comes from here because
they're not producing their own you guys
are producing your own [ __ ] right like
you have all your own TV shows you love
Island like everybody knows these like
things that you don't really know about
our Real Housewives of [ __ ] Utah or
whatever but in the Middle East they're
getting all of our [ __ ] because they're
not producing a lot of their own [ __ ]
yet like you don't know what's going on
actually in the Middle East that's
[ __ ] exactly we need to not look into
that at all yes give me Housewives yeah
so so that was that was really fun too
yeah it was great man it was great James
the other half of newtonic went to go
Jes man Australia and he was like they
just had a baby didn't they yep yeah
congrats man yeah yeah he's holding it
down uh he did [ __ ] 15 minutes on
Aussie [ __ ] it's like where the [ __ ] did
he get 15 minutes on Aussie [ __ ] yeah
yeah yeah yeah that Aussie Brun was fun
usually I'm only in town for a day but I
got to be in Australia for like a almost
like a couple weeks so by the time I got
to I think it was Sydney I had kind of
worked some stuff yeah like I was like
oh I got a nice little chunk and that
was uh yeah that was that was really
cool and it's a cool thing to give them
you know it's I think a lot of I guess a
lot I think a lot of coners can go to
wherever and just do their set and I
have my set but it's also a nice thing
to go to like a complet different
country and like tap into little
specific things there was there anywhere
that you went and how many dates did you
do oh God I don't know so I was on tour
for two years I was probably developing
it for this whole process was probably
three years in the making from like
building the hour and then touring it
and yeah was there anywh that sort of
sticks out in your mind as being holy
[ __ ] the reaction sort of emotionally
the MSG was the craziest that just felt
like the whole city was rooting for me
and which is like the greatest honor
it's like if there's one thing I
identify is as a New Yorker like I
probably identify that as before before
having a kid I identified that as before
anything before being like a white yeah
before I'm American I'm a New Yorker
like so just to see the whole city like
excited for me he was like one of us did
it like I don't even know how many New
Yorkers have done MSG you know and so
Hometown hero yeah it just felt like I
did something good for the city and I'm
so I just love New York like I I'm even
annoyed now there's like this push about
like the liberal cities are falling
apart it's like none of you want to live
anywhere else shut up you shut up like I
know you moved to Austin but come on you
don't want to be here like you know what
I mean it's okay it's it's okay like I
tell people like it was like Austin's so
amazing I go okay stop do you want to be
a stand-up comedian okay yeah move to
Austin the opportunities for you like
Rog and kill Tony all these things where
you see young Comics exploding are here
I get it but like you're not moving here
for this like Rich cultural experience
you know what I mean there's like two
restaurants everybody say yeah the food
is so good it's like yeah cuz CU you are
from
Montana you you know what I mean like
you have [ __ ] PF Changs and then you
move here and you go to Uchi and you're
like oh wow this is [ __ ] good yeah
there's 17 uchis in a three block radius
in the like why are we even having this
conversation so it's I think that the
the coastal cities need to get back to
our lism a little bit I think we're a
little like sad or like insecure or
something like that right now and it's
just like all right still some hangover
from Co I think you know New York and La
put their both of their feet inside of
their mouths for [ __ ] two years
straight course of course and it was bad
and it sucked the way they handled it
you know what I mean and it's a very
different thing to handle obviously when
you're living on top of each other and
you're all going on subways together
just a different problem to solve like
everybody lives in their own house and
you live a mile away from each other
yeah you can make [ __ ] a little bit less
restrictive you know what I mean but
when you live in an apartment building
you need some [ __ ] rules you know
what I mean like the Puerto Ricans got
to turn the music off at 10 that's a
rule that's government overreach and I'm
happy about it and you don't understand
it cuz don't have an entire Puerto Rican
Family above you blasting Bad Bunny at
[ __ ] 11:00 while your baby's trying
to go to sleep so there's certain things
where you start to appreciate government
overreach and where they come from and
then there's some where you're like okay
this is ridiculous I can't renovate my
home without going to 15 different
government agencies to get permission to
put a mirror in my bathroom it gets a
little ridiculous but in terms of like
the great established cities in America
like like what are we even talking about
like if the tax the tax rates were the
same in Austin as they were in New New
York none of y'all would live here so
stop acting like this is this amazing
play it's like you want to save money
you're millionaires I get it it's
millions of dollars I get it and none of
you are like from New York so you don't
have any connection to it but like to
get me to move out of New York do you
know the deal I would have to sign and I
would do it if it was the right number
but like it's a tax saving thing I it's
just say you're saving money MH that's
my thing like and save the money do it
but don't give me the [ __ ] about all the
city is so amazing your plane couldn't
even land cuz of the wind what is that
[ __ ] Wizard of Oz what what are we
talking about you know what I mean I'm
meting a salad today a tomato flew off
the salad hit me in the chest and I'm
like this is a city like people choose
to live here the wind is taking Tomatoes
off of my plate right so let's just
let's just have an honest assessment of
what's going on here will you pay 12%
more to not live here I will but I'm
from New York and I love it if you if
you're from another city and you just
went to New York to make it and it looks
like there's more opportunities here
then [ __ ] move here were you crazy
why would you not do that I think you
need a very particular type of nervous
system to live in New York uh you need
to be okay with chaos at all times like
there doesn't seem to be much I guess
you can be in different areas New York
is not just one thing right you can go
[ __ ] like Upstate and whatever but if
you're talking anywhere around Manhattan
it's like you need to be able you're in
cocaine first line cocaine energy at all
times all times I mean yeah I'm I'm just
I'm used to chaos chaos is comforting to
me I get more more comfortable the more
chaotic is I asked samarel about this
and he said uh what was it that you can
walk down the street bump into somebody
and think to yourself I hope that guy
dies but later that night you think to
yourself good day yeah that's funny
that's funny yeah yeah it's h shout out
Sam man yeah that is a yeah there is
just a unique energy it's and I guess
you I think I think growing up with it
obviously makes it much easier to handle
I think it's probably daunting for
people to move there and that's why I
say like you shouldn't move there unless
you want to make it it doesn't matter
what you want to make it in you want to
make it in finance okay do that you want
to make it in you know you want to be a
doctor whatever the [ __ ] you want to do
do it but like just moving there for
comfort is a stupid thing yeah you're
going to spend tons of money and you're
not going to be Comfort there is no
Comfort it's not comfortable but there
is opportunity there opportunity and
you'll be the greatest at what you do
it's like the greatest of what they do
come from there simple as that well you
have to be in order to survive or else
you just get chewed up and you're not
the greatest unless you've lived in New
York nobody who's the greatest of what
they do in America has not spent time in
New York and you could say
anything like I I'm just trying to think
anything like who just let's say it like
whatever any comedian they lived in New
York I'm sorry they lived in New York
anyone that is the greatest lived in New
York you got to pass through you got to
because if you want to be the best you
got to be with the best and that's where
they are any Banker you lived in New
York any chef you lived in New York so
right right of passage you gota it's
it's not even like how how do we even
know you're that good unless you can do
it here like if you can make it here you
make it anywhere that's that's a real
statement yeah the the energy of New
York kind of reminds me of what the news
feels like at the moment it's like
unrelenting and uh I was talking to seur
about this that it's been what two
months now less than two months Trump's
been in office yeah and I've already got
such
[ __ ] news and like Trump fatigue I
thought we were over this [ __ ] it's so
exhausting I thought this time around
people would be like H okay whatever
seen it done it but no it's actually I'm
getting really really like I just I
can't I'm checking out so much and I'm
aware this is a position of privilege
not need to care about what politics is
impacting your life like H in some ways
maybe not needing to listen to the news
is kind of once you have kids bro you
none of this you don't care you you care
about like big ticket things that could
affect them but your life becomes so
small that's the other thing it's like
people aren't having kids until like
later so that's why you get all these
people that are like really active on
the internet cuz they're just bored they
have nothing to do they want to like
feel part of something they want to make
change they don't realize it right this
is like something that's happening
internally but like everything just
feels like the biggest deal once you
like you don't see like a mom with three
kids at like a protest during the week
do you know what I mean like she's
trying to get them to nap you know what
I mean you never see a mom with
mayonnaise on her sweater at some
[ __ ] random protest for Tesla how
have you changed since you've become a
dad just the outside stuff doesn't
matter as much like I just care about
like how my wife my my my daughter how
think about me like if my wife and my
daughter are happy with me like if my
daughter's happy with me I can even deal
with my wife being pissed like and then
you know everything just gets a little
bit smaller you you're you know it's
like
um yeah it's just amazing it's like the
only thing you think about all day
pretty much you know yeah just that
little you know that little little girl
it's just really awesome and you've
become like a real person I'm not saying
you're not a real person but like you
just there's a difference like once you
have a family like you're invested in
the world in a way different way and you
become like a real human being like even
on stage the second I mentioned that I
have a kid like my relation to the
audience is completely different I'm not
just some [ __ ] with a [ __ ] part in
my hair like talking [ __ ] about all
these things like everything actually
impacts me publicly masturbating look at
how great I am what an [ __ ]
what an [ __ ] to do that but now that
I have a kid and like anytime I bring up
some trans [ __ ] or some vaccine [ __ ]
it's like no I have an actual reason to
do that you know what I mean like this
impact skin in the game Beyond just my
own sense of being important exactly you
know so it's a beautiful thing like I
think it brings out like the the best
version of people I see the best version
of people with their kids I've got this
theory that uh because people having
kids later especially guys that uh a lot
of the stuff that people invest
themselves into the personal development
the self-growth yeah the business the
the the muscle gain all of that stuff uh
a lot of those projects as surrogate
families because you haven't had one yet
oh wow and yeah all of the energy that
would be put into protect baby protect
wife or protect baby protect husband
like do the thing homemaking is well I
don't have that but I've still got this
sort of sense to be agentic and make
something happen in the world yeah but I
I don't have this the thing I don't have
the little thing so I'm going to put it
into a bus or I'm going to put it into a
side or into my body or into my
mindfulness or into my political party
or whatever it might be which is great
like especially where you're putting it
into your body I think that's great like
I love the longevity stuff you know if
you have a kid you want to live longer
you know naturally
um yeah I I like I like that but I think
that you're right because there's no way
that like my wife would be like hey
could you change the kids diaper and i'
be like I have 2 minutes left in my ice
bath I'm sorry I you know I need my ice
bath for the next 2 minutes you'll have
to change the diaper like that doesn't
exist you know so you have to you have
to manipulate and change your life
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did you find it uh I know some of the
more egotistical or like self-centered
concerns that you had and uh things that
you used to sort of worry yourself with
dropped away was it almost like you sort
of cleansed yourself of that because
you've got something that is so
dependent on you that worrying about
have I optimized my ice bath have I
where am I at with such and such it's
like all of that fluff gets stripped
back because you're just looking after
the kid yeah like I would say like any
kind of it stuff is just so I can play
paddle do you know paddle the sport yeah
like so like anything about me like I go
to like PT and I do all this stuff but
it is just so I can continue playing
this one thing which is like a
beautiful moment of distraction that
takes me away from the the lovely
anxiety of you know bringing a human
being into this world you know but yeah
it's yeah I yeah there's this thing and
also like every single day you feel
purposeful that's the other thing about
having a kid that you don't realize it's
like uh you feel proud of yourself by
like 3 you know like when you don't have
a kid and it's like a weekend and you're
like partti the night before and you're
just like hung over and [ __ ] and like
you party the night before and then you
have a kid and you're up and taking care
of it by like noon you're like I'm the
man like I should party some yeah like
there there isn't this like guilt and
shame that you put on yourself like what
am I doing with my life why am I endless
need to always be creating stuff in the
world because you've already done the
creation drink way more now but I'm
looking after my kids so I'm like I'm a
responsible human being like this is or
a functioning alcoholic it is you know
but yeah no it's it's cool man do you
want them I can't wait to be a dad I
absolutely can't wait to be what's your
process with that like how is it hard to
meet people like you're obviously you
know successful handsome guy Charming
smart like do you find it difficult to
connect with the
women it's weird dating when you're a
little bit older like I'm 37 I was 37
last week and uh that's an interesting
one because the longer that you wait the
kind of higher that your bar gets and
it's this sort of sunk cost fallacy
thing where you think well I've waited
this
long what's the point you know things
sadle yeah the things have to become
more perfect which you know in itself is
a a difficult Circle to square because
you also know well [ __ ] clock's
ticking dude well hurry up think about
that so the older you get the higher
your bar is and the older a woman gets
the lower her bars because she's running
out of time so it puts you guys in very
difficult situations
right and there's this crazy societal
expectation like women's moms really put
on women like get you got to get married
like the second they're [ __ ] 11
they're like you got to get married you
got to have kids you got to like this
pressure pressure pressure so I think
women
are I think women's greatest fear is
being alone not being with the wrong
person and our greatest fear is being
with the wrong person like I didn't meet
my wife until late for the same reason I
was like I don't want to settle I don't
want to be with somebody you like I
figured out more or less how to like
date and like I I I figured out like
kind of like what that person wanted and
I can kind of like be that version of
that but it didn't make me happy right
which I imagine you've probably gone
through in your life like you know you
probably had tons of different girls
you're like oh this girl needs a
listener oh this girl needs this and but
you're not being you so you're not going
to connect with that person but the
tricky thing is that women because
they're so afraid of being alone I think
a lot of them they end up being with
guys they don't really like and that's
what I think this like ick red flag
culture is if you heard of women all on
the internet talking about their icks
and their red
flags when you're with someone you don't
like everything about them is
irritating so you don't actually have
the ick you're not there aren't actually
red flag oh I don't like a guy when it's
raining he raises his shoulders you know
I don't like a guy who like yawns
without his can in his mouth like these
stupid things that really would never
impact how a girl feels about you you
just hate the guy you're with but you're
terrified of being alone because if you
like the guy that would be cute
everything we do is cute the amount of
like my wife watches me pick my nose
ball up the booger and just flick it out
of the play bin because I'm playing with
my daughter and she's just like that was
disgusting and it's fine it doesn't
impact how much she loves me at all I'm
farting left and white I'm doing all
these disgusting red flag ick things but
she loves me so it doesn't matter you
know what I mean and I think that I
think that yeah like I I I never
understood this like ick red flag
culture I was like are women just like
annoyed with us what the [ __ ] is going
on no they don't want to be alone and
they're with guys they do not [ __ ]
like it's a big it's a huge issue well
there's a problem someone gave me this
piece of advice not long ago uh as I
they said do you want to be a dad and I
said yes I can't wait to be a dad of
wagged my waggled their finger in in my
face and they said make sure that you
fall in love with the girl not the
institution yeah and the point being if
you want to be a dad or if you want to
be a mom a lot great advice you can what
was it they said uh with rose-colored
glasses on red flags don't look
red like if you just want the thing I
want to be a dad I want to be a mom I
want to be married I want to be not
alone whatever the thing that you want
you're able to ah not so big of a deal
and it's like you're not getting married
to marriage you're getting married to a
person yep you're not having a baby with
the process of childhood you're having a
baby with another human that's a great
piece of advice dude that is like yeah
that's magnificent and it's so true you
got to find that connection with that
person where even if you didn't have
kids you would be happy you just love
that person and then kids are these
blessings because that irritation will
build I'm sure you've dated people that
like you thought you liked in the
beginning and then eventually it wasn't
there and it's just like every little
thing drove you [ __ ] crazy and that
is we hopefully at that point we start
going I don't want to be with you or we
just treat him shitty which is the worst
version of it hoping that they'll like
uh it's the equivalent of you can't fire
me I quit but it's trying to get the
other person to realize that I'm not
going to fire you I'm going to make you
quit I'm gonna be a coward that's yeah
yeah I had a I had a conversation with a
friend a little while ago and um he had
this sentence where he said uh all my
life I was worried that I was a coward
and then he had a bunch of a sequence of
really really tough events happened to
him he said you know I always like
surrounded myself with hard men I always
thought I was a bit of a hard man and
you know I did martial arts and you know
was like around people that were ex like
Special Forces and stuff like that it's
like but I never really really tested
myself so and then one day like the
world came and I it wasn't discomfort
that I'd chosen it was discomfort that
was forced on me by the world maybe like
having a fertility or or or whatever and
uh he said all my life I'd heard my
better self clearing his throat in the
room next
door and one day this thing happened and
he was like I wonder if he's going to
kick the door in and [ __ ] stop
coughing and come through he's like he
did that's good and uh but courage yeah
I think you can pretty
much like life your your life is kind of
restricted by the amount of Courage that
you're prepared to deploy and I mean how
many how long have everybody listening
to this stayed in relationships because
they were terrified of breaking somebody
else's heart that was dependent on them
or losing the love of somebody that they
felt was unrequited and they needed the
validation of and yeah you're like it's
Noble and understandable and
sensitive and largely driven by fear and
cowardice yeah and if you had like you
know a cool question to ask yourself
would be what would I do if I had three
times The Bravery like what would I
do yeah what decisions would I make if I
was like three times as Brave as I am
yeah yeah a lot of times we think that
uh it's not a lack of Bravery but it's a
it's a it's too much compassion MH you
know like breaking up with this person
would be too hurtful for them and we
don't realize that like being with them
when you don't like them is actually way
more hurtful and we don't even realize
it's this bravery deficit we're like ah
I'm too I'm too nice I'm just too nice I
don't want to hurt her being yeah you're
being a [ __ ] and we've all been [ __ ]
I've been [ __ ] tons of [ __ ] times
and then with like retrofit
justifications like no man about being
loyal and committing to something it's
like yeah you do that when you find the
right girl when you find the right girl
you commit to it and you work everything
out and that is another thing too it's
like marriages you look at in movies and
[ __ ] like that and you think it's just
oh this is just going to be super sweet
and perfect in every single thing no no
it's [ __ ] hard when you do it with
the right person you're willing to work
through all those difficult times and
then you get confidence in your ability
to work through difficult [ __ ] you two
against the hard not you two against
each other yeah um what changes in a a
relationship or sort of what have you
noticed about stuff that interesting to
navigate once there's a third
participant so like there's this part of
you that you want your kid to know how
loved they are like I don't ever want my
daughter to even understand what it is
to be like adored cuz it's so normal you
know what I mean like I like my my
friend uh so my friend J like he
reminded me this recently like my dad
was just the best he was just the [ __ ]
he was at every single basketball game
whatever and he goes and he was like it
was like a surrogate dad to a lot of my
friends you know like he was just like
so much Dad energy that he he had it
spilling over around the cup loved it he
just loved it like he was just whatever
they needed like I remember one of my
boys got into like trouble and some gang
[ __ ] and like my dad I was like yeah I
think he he can't like leave his house
like they're like there's this gang
that's kind of like after him or
whatever and um and uh and I was like
yeah we got to help him out and my dad
was like well yeah why why don't we just
go get the car and go pick him up and I
was like are you sure you feel
comfortable doing he's like yeah so we
like drive a Toyota Sienna minivan into
the [ __ ] heart of the Bronx and we're
like picking up my boy so he doesn't get
murdered by this gang and just the type
of like he didn't even think twice about
it it's just kind of who he is and um so
you there's all this focus on like okay
I want her to feel loved I want her to
feel support I want anytime she shows
excitement around me I want that to be
met I don't want her to feel like
ignored
and I I notice uh so I'll like call my
wife to FaceTime like and around the B's
naps so if I'm like at work or something
like that like I'm just I know when the
baby's up boom the call and um I called
my wife I think it was today and uh she
was like in the car coming back from
like a class or something and then she's
like oh I know you're calling to say hi
to to Shiloh but uh I'm not home just
yet and I was like oh [ __ ] I got to call
to say hi to you more too like it's very
easy to to to just put all the focus on
your daughter and they cannot resent you
for that they love that you're so
committed to this child you're being a
good dad yes but not necessarily a great
husband you got to also I I realize I
got to also be making those calls when
it's just her and just talking to her
and putting that time is it challenging
to keep the romance
alive I mean yeah I mean like of course
you know the it's really the sleep that
is the challenge over everything it's
once you have a baby there's no real
Sleeping especially if your wife
breastfeeds like they're up every 2
hours even in the night like so there's
no like you like schedule
[ __ ] you know like you're like okay we
got to do it around this window and this
is the window and like maybe sometimes
you guys go out and you let It Rip but
you know you got to be up every morning
6:45 we're up every morning 6:45 whether
we want to sleep in or not it's 6:45
that baby's waking up around like 6:30
they kind of look up in the sky for a
little bit and then they're like all
right it's time for some [ __ ] titty
and then it's go time so it's it's more
just about like creating those moments
and like scheduling them but not really
making it feel scheduled if you will mhm
you know yeah well I imagine I've heard
you talk about this before the role of
thoughtfulness relationships yeah uh and
how difficult it must be to be
thoughtful because all of your [ __ ]
attention and energy is just being put
into this tiny thing that's totally this
blob right it's a blob it's a Big Blob
of stuff you and her and what
thoughtfulness have you got trying to
keep it alive yeah yeah it's it is uh
but you got to do it you got to do it cu
the better you guys are the better that
that baby is you know having a shot at
life you know fractured families they
[ __ ] kids up they [ __ ] kids up I
listened to the first half of Andrew
Tate on Patrick Bet David's podcast yeah
how was that uh how do you feel about
Tate coming back interesting one dude uh
I mean he's currently being subpoena
investigated something by the state of
Florida it just opened up some warrant
type thing for him um I think it's a a
bit of a brave call from the US to do
that at like this time to be like yeah
yeah yeah come on over when we're
talking about worries about trafficking
and migrant the UK's got lots of
concerns about grooming gang you can say
what you want about the uh validity of
the case around Tate yeah Optics are
Optics so yeah you're you're speaking on
something that I really like which is H
there are facts and then there is uh
emotional reactivity Optics is what
you're talking about and people are
emotional they just react emotionally to
whatever they say
and it's important to meet them there do
you know what I mean like there's going
to be an idea of who you are from people
who don't really know you casuals on the
internet might see a single clip and
that idea that they have maybe it's
wrong but just going oh you're wrong and
writing it off isn't how you're going to
address a bigger problem this is where
Ben Shapiro gets it 100% backward he
says facts don't care about your
feelings yeah this one in particular
yeah feelings do not give a single [ __ ]
about the fact like IC robot like he
doesn't understand he like he caught a
great grift off like the Christians and
now that he no longer has societal
utility he's like really struggling like
societal utility is often times what can
make people like really powerful and he
rose to fame at a time where the
conservatives felt like really
scrutinized just for their beliefs and a
lot of them just didn't have the
arguments to defend their positions
right they grew up in cities and states
where it was normal to be a conservative
and then all of a sudden they're in
these other places were like can I even
share this that can I say I'm a conserv
like really radioactive to be
conservative then all of a sudden he's
like this like really obviously smart
Harvard educated arguer he's like a
really good arguer in developing ideas
and bits and putting together these
arguments they're like foolproof and he
handed them off to those people but now
being conservative is more popular super
main than being Democratic this was the
point I was saying earlier on about you
know you can speak truth to power and be
that sort of it was almost like like
rock Starry like kind of like rebellious
anarchistic type thing it's like it's
just the kind of position that most
people hold now around a lot of the yeah
we probably should be careful about what
we're doing to tenagers hormones we
should probably be a little bit
concerned about so now that it's the
norm he no longer has the same societal
utility that's interesting and then
Israel Palestine happens and now the
base doesn't agree with him and now
they're like well we don't need you for
the arguments it's like normal to be
conservative now it's like if anything
Democrats need the arguments right so
now like and we don't agree with you on
the Israel Palestine thing man the [ __ ]
out of here but yeah I mean when you
think about the so he caught a good
grift but you know the grifts only last
for so long what you make it the Tate
thing from coming back I mean he's an
American citizen you have to protect
American citizens and just because he
hasn't been convicted of anything so on
he hasn't been convicted of anything
he's an American citizen we have to
protect our citizens and you're allowed
to say whatever you want as an American
this is Free Speech we believe in all
those things so like there's no question
whether you have to let an American back
of course you have to let an American
back now the emotional reaction is you
were talking crazy [ __ ] about America
and then when you get clipped over there
in Romania now you coming back to Daddy
so I need I need you to acknowledge who
the goat is I don't need you talking
about the West this and America's that
and the West is falling well why you
coming back to the fall like when it got
rough and they were locking you and your
brother up probably wrongfully I don't
know he's not convicted like if there
was enough to convict they would have
convicted right but you came running
back
so I need you to at least acknowledge
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modern wisdom there's definitely an
amount of irony around saying cuz it's
the best I love Romania I love Romania
why did you move to Romania when you
first moved to Romania I love Romania
because it's corrupt you can pay the
police off the laws basically don't
exist and and you can get anything done
you want and then 5 years later like or
like uh 3 seconds later
it being like this country is so corrupt
and the police don't really seem to car
it's like chickens roosting that's the
thing I think that's the thing right
there like obviously he's a phenomenal
communicator and he really he
understands culture he understands like
trends that are popping up I'm not
talking about like a trend like wearing
[ __ ] clothing I'm talking about like
ideological and emotional trends like
what people what people feel he can
[ __ ] tap in there's no question but
there is a part of me that is like you
talk crazy [ __ ] about America and now
you're coming back cuz you got in
trouble I need to know
like everybody a lot of people gave
Britney grinder [ __ ] when she got
arrested in Russia right they gave her a
lot of [ __ ] for like kneeling for the
anthem and then asking America to help
her to get back where's the Britney
grinder
treatment where's the Brit like where's
this Britney grinder energy now people
are emotional so it doesn't really
matter they're like I can look past that
because he's satisfying these other uh
concerns that I have emotionally and
he's voicing in the most eloquent way
and he really makes me feel seen and
heard so they'll look past this other
[ __ ] but to me I'm looking at it's
Britney grinder now I want Britney back
you know should she have had the weed in
her [ __ ] thing no don't bring [ __ ]
a weed pen into Russia you know that
they might try to use this as for some
political leverage in this situation
that we're in it's a it's annoying you
shouldn't have [ __ ] done it and you
put America in a position where we got
to give you back the the Nicholas Cage
guy from the movie right you wa to give
you Nicholas Cage back to get Bry
grinder right but at the end of day
she's an American and if American gets
clipped we're going to ride for our boys
our girls y yeah yeah yeah uh it's going
to be interesting to see what happens
man holy [ __ ] like I just can't this
goes back to what I said before about
the pace of the news yeah like every
single hour you remember when uh Trump
got shot in the ear were you online were
you like I mean everybody kind of got
dragged online when it happened I
remember I was in Montana I was in
Boseman Montana of course satday dinner
you know every single person is just
like glued fog of war no one has any and
I remember thinking this is the quickest
I've ever seen news move yeah and now if
you're offline for 4 hours you come back
on and you're like holy what that happen
What in how long dude I took a nap today
I woke up and he's doing the press
conference for like the Doge Cuts in
front of like the whole Senate and
there's like they're kicking out
hecklers I thought it was like one of my
shows it was like I think Al Green got
like escorted out of the Senate it was
amazing I mean and then the reactions on
the internet was yeah it's it's a lot
but that's the thing that this is the
tricky thing about like the
administration right now
like there being understanding like the
mechanism of politics like being a good
politician as much as we go oh hey
politicians it is valuable in that like
you want to be able to disseminate
information that Americans already
support in a way where they feel
comfortable continuing to support it I
don't know if there's any American out
there that's like I like waste I like
corruption I like fraud all of us
unanimously are like yeah I think the
government's got some waste corruption
and fraud and we should get that out of
there those should be a
bipartisan victory for
America and I think that the way that's
it's kind of being positioned and
there's like a little antagonism in it
and there's uh not maybe uh and elon's
on this too he's like he's responsible
for this too it's a little bit
antagonistic yes no need to twist the
knife it's like you already got
everybody on board and then when you
like fire some people and have to rehire
them it's okay to be like hey we made a
mistake we're humans we're going to make
mistakes and we're going to do our best
as opposed to sort of sticking it in the
nose of everybody else like how useless
this is yeah I had this uh I had this
Insight a couple years ago that um if
you really care about changing people's
minds you'll dial back the sort of
aggression of your argument because very
few people are patronized or shamed or
passive aggressed into changing their
mind so this sort of soft signal of
Effectiveness dude if you really really
care about changing people's minds
you'll actually go more gently not more
aggressively yeah and I don't think I
it's a really a stute point to say that
I don't think that we're seeing that and
what did you expect like you positioned
yourself as the adversary to this other
side yeah and then said they should be
on
board they should take me like whipping
them and scorning them and laughing at
them and mocking them yeah and they
should still come begging back to Daddy
yeah it's it is it is tricky also
because the obviously the opposition is
going to campaign against whatever the
decision is because I think Democrats
are still like they don't they still
think that if you just paint Trump and
El all these people as bad that that
will allow them to win when you don't
even have to paint them as bad like you
just need to give us hope and abundance
like all Americans want is abundance
Americans are kind of simple I'll be
honest with you like we're very simple
people what is more you know like
buffets are popular here that's more
what is the biggest stake more like
Cheesecake Factory just more give me
more like so when Trump goes up and he's
like and also you could just say [ __ ]
without doing it and we like it like
when Trump goes Greenland I think that
might be ours we go that seems more it
seems like a lot more I like it if that
never happens it's fine what Democrats
need to do is in my opinion just start
saying the things that you want to do
that give me abundance and be radical
about it stop being concerned about like
pissing every little group off be
radical I needed Outsider Democrat to go
go eggs are a dollar we're capping it
we're subsidizing it like we subsidize
corn if all these corn and Dairy Farmers
get their money why can't the Egg
Farmers get theirs it's a dollar for
eggs that's what it is when we get in
it's a dollar for eggs I guarantee you
saying saying hey we're taking that land
over there we're building 10,000
affordable uh housing units and we're
going to drop the price of rent by 30%
in this city and then saying I don't
give a [ __ ] about what these fancy
developers think they're going to do
with it it's going to be affordable
housing we're g to drop say some [ __ ]
be risky we liked Bernie because he was
like taking shots at all these
billionaire corporations like who the
[ __ ] is this guy like I need you to be
brave but understand who the bad guy is
they're looking at Trump and Elon and
going those guys are the bad guys no the
majority of the country voted for them
they don't see them as bad yet you could
try to make them radioactive but they
don't really see them as bad you know
who they do see as bad is the people
stopping them from getting eggs and the
people stopping them from paying rent
bad it's I don't know do you understand
what I'm saying like like I feel like
this is like if you actually listen to
people it's not really that difficult to
there such an addiction to Purity though
inside of the left right like
everybody's done the why I left the left
thing right sort of classic Dave Ruben
Arc from disaffected leftists and our
person that's on the right because they
I didn't leave the left they went away
from me or whatever version of that you
want to do has anybody can you think of
anybody that's gone in the opposite
direction that's gone from like right of
Center and and then being I am now a
spokesperson for the left wow that's a
great question um I'm sure there are
people they're probably are but they
don't come to mind in the same way right
you don't have the same like RFK Tulsi
gabbard Elon Rogan uh you know and those
are that's just like the [ __ ] biggest
names in the world of this yeah wow
that's a really good point and it's
because there is such a level of Purity
that you need to reach in order to be
accepted by the left the right will take
you flawed as you are this sort of
political leper coming with aing and
[ __ ] yours hanging off and like you
kind of I me we don't fully agree with
you on that thing but we'll take you
know the per perfect example of this
remember when Nicki Minaj for like two
weeks during covid was antiva and the
right was like come here [ __ ]
Anaconda like bring bring the [ __ ]
BBL our way and they were like she's a
[ __ ] darling we'll take her so but if
your Coalition is held together firstly
by finding people who do not have
sufficiently pure opinions pointing them
in scapegoats and saying that they're
part of the out group yeah that's like
you [ __ ] seppuku or Harry carry or
whatever it's called that's like the
most self imulation because you're just
finding an increasingly small number of
people that meet an increasingly High
bar of Purity yeah that's you're like
all you're doing is shrinking your
[ __ ] Coalition over and over until
there's like one person left yeah uh and
the right doesn't have that problem well
because they weren't in power when
you're in power you start to become uh
very specif about yeah it's just like
like a country club is hard to get into
those are the people in power
interesting so you're saying that sort
of the elitism the exclusionary thing is
it's enabled by being in power it's
queers for
Palestine you know it's like anybody
Who's down to help we're going to take
because we need it we need it so you
take anybody's help you don't [ __ ]
care if you're struggling whoever's
going to help you and then when you're
in power you get very specific about the
people who want to help
well maybe you know apply apply let's
see we're going to look in and see your
total beliefs and and how you feel about
the entire world I do that's that's I
will be fascinated to see if that sort
of uh right of
Center uh permission uh increase amount
of information that they have to accept
people if that gets reversed that will
happen without a doubt over the next few
years you will see these like Stephen A
Smith types who will proliferate
Democratic circles who are in no way the
like ideal version of a Democrat from
four years ago or six years ago but what
they will see is salvation in them and
they'll be like this is he has enough of
our values and he could potentially win
or at least he could espouse the [ __ ]
that could make our party look body Joy
beard the other day that was incredible
but that's I mean but that's kind of
what you need you you know what else I
think if I was to just Chuck a little
bet on for something that's very very
reliably going to Happ happen over the
next three years before the end of this
Administration the mother of all blowups
between Elon and Trump so how do you see
that happening I've heard a lot of
people Charlemagne talks about this all
the time Trump thinks that that uh sorry
charlem thinks Trump is going to put him
in
prison okay that's a take that I hadn't
heard before but yeah but uh what do you
now you know charlan is is very Democrat
like obviously he's going to have some
bias that goes into this but uh but what
do what is your take and how do you see
that relationship going I just think
that when you've got two people with so
much power and ego and I do from what I
can tell uh elon's ego and that uh sort
of self focused self-belief like it's me
it's me and like I'm going to be the
center of all of this uh seems to be
ramping up that is probably a pretty
dangerous cocktail based on like some
stories and stuff that I've heard about
behind the scenes from from Trump about
some levels of vul ability and then sort
of like flimsy uh senses of um he
doesn't like to be shown up doesn't like
to be sort of upstaged and uh and I
don't know if I don't know if Elon has
the emotional intelligence of JD Vance
to be able to tiptoe around and yes sir
no sir three bikes full sir JD and why I
say do not treat that man lightly I
think he has like he came from like
poverty I think his mom was like a drug
addict like and then he ends up going to
Yale and then he becomes the VP of a guy
that he campaigned against and said was
horrible and like a
tyrant do you know the level of
emotional intelligence it takes to go
from like a broke Middle America broken
family to an Ivy League institution to
then VP for the guy who does not he
doesn't always keep an like you can say
things about Trump but if if it's
advantageous for whatever his plan is he
will forgive you you know he's kind of
like Vince man in that regard whatever
works for the thing but like that takes
High EQ even in that moment with
zalinski he's managing
Trump like he's he did have a moment for
himself but everything he said was and
you show respect to Trump and Donald
Trump's office and what so he knows the
game he's playing oh that what I'm
saying is don't treat him lightly what
the our Coastal Elites we always do is
when someone has a kind of southern
accent we think they're idiots and we
and we don't we don't even really pay
attention to them and that man is
someone I see a problem with JD before I
see Elon but what do you think is going
to happen with El long term with Trump
nothing you think that he's going to
dance through the Minefield I I don't
think I think he's acutely aware of his
limitations in America he cannot
physically be president if he could be
president I think there is a concern
because eventually he'll go when they
have an impass he'll just go well I'll
just run against you he cannot the the
laws dictate he cannot so inevitably
you're going to have to bow down at some
point this is the high as you're as high
as you can go El that's only that's only
based on the fact that you can put your
the outcomes that you want for your
project behind your ego yes and I'm not
sure which one is going to be the bigger
priority the the only other thing he
could do is leverage the
Democrats which have already made him
radioactive like no rat canide with Elon
so Elon is as far as he can go in
America he can't go any further like
this is outside of being president like
there's that great line in Game of
Thrones where like Cersei is talking to
Littlefinger and little finger is like
you know you know Littlefinger the
character and Littlefinger goes uh you
know what I've learned over the years is
that uh you know knowledge is power and
there's all these guards around her and
them and and she goes um guards slit his
throat and they all walk up and put a
knife to his throat and then she goes
guards stand up down guards take two
steps back guards take six steps back
and then she goes power is power and
it's just so fire and it's like Trump
has power power is power that is the
closest Elon can get to power and I
don't think there's another president
that will allow Elon to have that access
to power so Elon either has to hope
there's another person that he could
ride with and establish relation
relationship and and maybe that's JD but
he have to wait to the next
Administration anyway so what he can't
do is sour all the Republicans on him
like I I I cannot see the situation
where they get into trouble because
there's nowhere else for him to go he
either have to jump parties which is
very difficult after chastising the left
all this time like he's kind of made his
bed and he's high he has access to all
these things and I think it does benefit
him the most if America is successful
because all his business are tied up in
America he could jump ship to another
country but that's not the thing I worry
about cuz I think he's smart enough to
understand the position he's in
eventually you hit the this is what
happens with all rich people they that
that actually want to move weight around
you hit the impass of government and you
have people who are way less successful
than you way poor than you telling whe
you whether you can or can't build a
factory or do whatever you want to do
and in that moment they go [ __ ] I just
work my ass I got [ __ ] yachts and
everything and now I got to go kiss this
guy's dick like you saw them all lined
up behind Trump during the inauguration
zberg Bas everybody went to kiss the
ring and he set him up letting everybody
else know they're kissing the ring and I
think Elon goes I got the best seat it
don't get better than this and this guy
trusts me and Believes In Me I can't
[ __ ] this up and he's dealt with
Governors Mayors and all this other [ __ ]
that he doesn't respect at all so he's
like like it's not going to get better
than this I if if I I don't think he can
ruin it is if they change the rule to
let non-citizens become president now we
have an issue but Trump would never
change that rule because it's has a
security blanket right there it's it's
actually kind of like brilliantly done
by Trump it's ride with me against the
left now he Elon can't go to the left so
he has to be loyal to you it's he's it's
like he's zalinsky well everybody that's
everybody that's associated with Trump
is so unspeakable and toxic that they're
never going to be allowed back so now
you got the Loyalty built right there
yeah can I ask you a question about um
uh Russia M do you feel an existential
threat threat uh do you feel Russia is
an existential threat as a European
that's an interesting qu so no uh at
least but the UK and Europe feel like
very different places forget brexit
forget the fact that we actually left
the European Union yeah we just don't
think about that I think that people in
the UK feel that they are much closer to
America and are under the uh they're on
maybe not quite on par but that they're
in that Circle much more than we are
with [ __ ] Norway or Finland or
Switzerland or some [ __ ] um yeah but I I
I understand that a lot of people are
worried about in Europe what does the
potential support of Russia or lack of
support for the Ukraine mean is Russia
just going to keep on bowling through
it's [ __ ] donbass Paris and then
London like what's going to
stop I don't know I think to be honest I
think that the UK has got such huge
[ __ ] domestic problems at the moment
that they're they're not even worried
about no I was speaking to a comedian
named Ari mdty and he he's from uh
Estonia and he grew up like feeling
Russia as an existential threat and and
he's like yeah like we get taught all
the time that like they could come
invade and he they like yeah they're
teach him in Russian schools like
Estonia is actually part of Russia and
one day we'll get it back like so
Americans we're so far away from this
idea of like Russian invading I was
trying to understand zelinsky's like
confidence going into this meeting with
Trump like I didn't understand why he he
felt comfortable pushing back because I
think the American perspective is like
you guys can't survive without us that's
the perspective to any country we kind
of give weapons to it's like you can't
do it without us right and
um I think that's a lot of times like
the the hotbed conversation even Israel
Palestine here is like the perspective
for Americans is like Israel cannot
defend itself without American weapons
so applying pressure to America is what
actually stops the war right now I don't
even know if that's true I I don't know
maybe Israel can I'm not sure but that's
the American feeling right
so when he said that to me I was like oh
[ __ ] maybe that's why zilinsky had so
much confidence in that meeting because
he's like oh yeah everybody knows that
Russia will just steamroll into Europe
and then so all these European countries
won't let that happen and we're the
heroes fighting at the front line to
make sure that Paris is not part of
Russia so they would never like I wonder
if he walked in with the confidence of
like they would be crazy to not keep
funding this because next it's going to
be Germany's taking over like of course
they're going to give us the money MH
because that's the only thing that could
justify the attitude in the room does
that make sense yeah absolutely well
you've definitely got it feels like
you've got an ace in your pocket and you
think what the [ __ ] is that yeah like
why is it that you're not that worried
uh I don't know man I
mean how quickly we forgot about the
issue of Russia and Ukraine because
everything kicked off in Gaza and then
how quickly we've forgotten about Gaza
now that Russia and Ukraine are back in
the headlines wow isn't that yeah we
stepped away from him completely it was
I I used to see people's windows change
in New York it was a black lives matter
flag then it got taken down and then it
was a Ukraine flag and it got taken down
and then it was a Palestine flag and
then it got taken now Ukraine it's
like what do you think's going on with
the Epstein list you see this it's been
treated like the [ __ ] longest album
drop of all time people holding it like
it's the [ __ ] wuang Clan's unreleased
mixtape they're like uh George RR Martin
when are you going to release the next
Game of Thrones like Jesus Christ dude
yeah I don't know I my suspicion is that
um most of these things are far less
interesting than we build them up to be
and that
uh like like I think in our in our
brains when we build out justifications
for them for these things we remove the
idea of incompetence incompetence never
exists in a conspiracy right as
conspiracy is always like this nefarious
intent that was like thoroughly plotted
and executed like even like the 911 is
an inside job thing and I think that
there's been a lot of details on this my
suspicion is that like there was
probably American intelligence agencies
that were aware that a plan a plot was
being
planned
and this is where the the arguments did
they purposely let it happen so that
this could or were they push to let it
happen or did they not take it seriously
and then it happened and then everyone
at that agency is in a position of power
is
going [ __ ]
[ __ ] oh this is my fault I let this
[ __ ] [ __ ] okay we got to find a way
to make it seem like this is not on and
I my suspicion is that is most
conspiracy stuff where it's like there's
some incompetence and then someone
trying to cover up incompetence and that
leads to this insane conspiracy because
this person is trying to protect a lie
there's a so so the epine thing yeah
well I mean look people hold two very
contradictory thoughts in their mind at
the same time one being government is so
useless that we need this South African
guy to come in and rip it apart and they
couldn't run a piss up in a brewery and
they're all spending all of their time
speaking to donors and also yeah they
are the overlords that are creating the
New World Order and we need to be very
concerned about them the CIA and the NSA
and the FBI and the threel agencies and
they're trying to trans the kids and you
go well which one is it
yeah it's nowhere it's neither it's in
the middle yeah it's like there's
there's going to be some sure there'll
be some really really competent really
nasty mean-spirited people trying to get
stuff done and even if let's say that
that's like a significant portion who
are the foot soldiers that are trying to
do it these
like employed retards that have managed
to like stumble their way into [ __ ]
government and you go okay are you
really going to trust him John John's
going to deploy your master plan to like
new world order the global vaccine
passport yeah really yeah yeah it's uh
yeah it's freaking I mean the thing that
I would like to do for the Epstein list
is I don't know if we ever get a list
but I would love to hear Lex Wexner Les
Wexner is that his name the guy who is
the so EP managed one guy's money and
his name is Les Wexner the guy I think
he lives in like Ohio he's a guy who uh
started Victoria secet yeah and he only
managed one guy's money so that's where
he was able to you know leverage all
these relationships and do all this
other [ __ ] with this one guy's money and
I don't think Victoria Secret is what he
used to be like I don't think girls are
buying like Victoria C lingerie anymore
like I think the business is kind of it
will be in Target soon or something
right so now he does and he's also like
90 years old give him immunity and just
tell us what it was what's going on were
you compromised was it mad was it CIA
was it both like just tell us give
somebody immunity and tell us what
happened like even the gillain I can't
trust the immunity cuz her dad was all
[ __ ] mobbed up or whatever so this
guy is the guy who's the money guy just
he's [ __ ] 90 like who cares yeah give
him immunity and then what you'll get is
at least like we're we're dying to
figure out what the [ __ ] happened just
give us enough nutrients where we can
move on right like now it is delicate
obviously you have there's a lot of like
they're like release the list and it's
like okay well there's a lot of like
girls who are teenagers probably on this
list that are like n like so I get that
like you have to talk to them to make
sure that's good before you redact it
but if you got a bunch of [ __ ]
Senators out there or like these tech
people like yeah release it run it I
just don't know if we ever get it but I
think he is the key so I would like to
know I think you strategically smart
move just it trickles down you you need
money to be qualified to be in all these
circles they only trust you because
you're managing this guy's
money he's got to know something and he
gave you the money and instead of Jamie
Diamond he could give anybody the money
so just tell us what the [ __ ] is going
on less and then you get to die not a
complete [ __ ] like you're still a
[ __ ] but at least people would be
like all right you go to Last Breath you
did something pretty cool yeah I mean I
don't know what would you do do you
think we'll ever see it do you think I
don't know man I mean I love the idea
that we just need to close the loop so
that we can stop talking about it yeah
so that there's no more speculation for
this it's you know it's the [ __ ] it's
the 911 inside job thing it's just this
permanent like who was DB Cooper was it
this person it's like dude just can
someone give us a definitive answer so
that we can stop asking the question
yeah like that's what we need to do like
everybody like Joe has exposed so much
like amazing information about the world
is completely like blown our minds about
what reality really is and it would be
awesome if each one of them went on the
Pod and just confirmed it all it's just
like okay yeah we shot JFK this is what
happened and then somebody from NASA
goes no we really did go to the moon and
we faked the video because it was hard
to get the video for but we did really
go and just imagine a like imagine a
series of like 20 Rogan episodes where
you get confirmation on all the
alternative like uh history it's not
conspiracy theories these are conspiracy
facts yes yeah like how awesome would
that be and they they got to go on Joe
though and it has to be the ones that
he's you know brought to light oh my God
would that not be amazing send them on
Alex
Cooper the real albiter of Truth isn't
she uh speaking of that did you see
Brian Johnson on Keeping Up with the
Kardashians I saw a clip randomly you
know we had him on the Pod yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah I saw he's a sweetie yeah
he is a sweetie he's got some dark [ __ ]
oh yeah I told him when I when we were
there it's like I think he's replaced
like being Mormon with living forever
and uh so maybe dark is the wrong way to
put it but it is a very
radical like how radical is Mormonism
that like you could do that well him and
hman had a big bust up on Twitter oh
what did they say uh Brian was flexing
his leg press numbers and uh human
replied and said friends don't let
friends do half reps like kind of the
range of motion being a thing and then
that caused loads of blah blah but I've
got to
assume I didn't know Andrew was friends
with the Kardashians the scene where
Brian's in there has got all of the
Kardashians but also got hubman in there
but this must have been filmed months
and months and months ago I have to
assume and it's only just come out so I
was watching that thinking this is like
my zalinsky trump moment that this is
these two people that have had [ __ ]
massive beef online finally coming
together and I'm thinking I'm going to
get to they're going to they're going to
like [ __ ] that wasn't a quarter rep
that was actually me doing it's actually
thousand pound it's not 950 like uh why
do they beef what's the what's the
because they Andrew replied to it's like
the most [ __ ] Middle School thing
Andrew applied to Brian and criticized
his range of motion on a one no but like
they must have some other beef that that
even happened right no that was just it
was just a passing comment and then
Brian took it really seriously oh man
yeah and you know he has no excuse to do
that because we know you have a perfect
sleep score you can't even be like dude
I was EX lost it I had a hard day it's
like no you slept [ __ ] 14 hours
yesterday you stopped eating at 11:00
a.m. so you could get good sleep yeah
yeah I don't know I mean the the only
thing that could have made that table
better between all of the Kardashians
Brian Johnson and Andrew hubman would
have been like coked up Conor
McGregor the [ __ ] wild card that gets
thrown in there who the [ __ ] is this guy
yeah uh I think that Conor McGregor's
Arc should be studied by like [ __ ]
anthropologists or something as just
what happens when a guy who really
wanted to be rich and famous gets
exactly what he wanted and turns out was
completely unprepared to deal with it
all you want to know something
interesting so he came to meet up with
us one night in New
York and he was he was he was [ __ ] up
like he had some
drinks but he was the
nicest most humble guy he when you a lot
of times when you meet famous people
like they're not really used to um
asking people their thoughts on things
you know they're just like in this yeah
and it's it's I don't even like I have
empathy for it because people are just
asking them questions because it's hard
to like share your opinion on the world
when you're with this incredibly
successful person so they just get into
the system where they they they
basically go oh people want to know
things about me so I will share yeah
I'll just cut to the Chase and give them
I'm going to give you which to one he
was like Curious like we were talking
about fights he was like well yeah what
did you think about the fight like
you're asking me what I thought about
the fight like you're professional
fighter you're like probably the most
prolific not probably you are the most
prolific MMA fighter in history like
you're synonymous with fight sports like
I you're asking me my opinion on it like
and we were having a conversation like a
couple guys at a bar and as wild as I
see him in all these things I'll never
forget that moment where he was curious
about what
thought and
um ever since then I look at these
things as is he stirring up moments is
this like wrestling does he just really
get into the the vibe and the attention
of it like I also understand like you
reach a certain amount of success and
you are clout I'm sure you've
experienced this like you get over a
certain amount of followers and now
somebody making a video about you is
currency they can pay their rent on it
and whether what they say is true or not
you exist as a form of payment right
attention cash it in or dollars yeah
and I have I have he must experience
that aund a millionfold for me or you I
know it happens with me all the time too
and it's like and and nobody really
understands where what that life is
until you're in it and that is the cost
of success I'm not complaining about
this the cost of getting to live lives
that we live is that you're going to
deal with scrutiny and you're going to
deal with criticism that's totally fine
frustrating when people like make things
up about yeah sure that's [ __ ]
annoying but I in a human human moment
he was curious and cared about what I
had to say about his
expertise and that's more than I can say
about a lot of people what it makes me
think and that's a really beautiful
story and very insightful what it makes
me think is that there's an error
somewhere
because if that's who you truly are why
is that not being put out online like
why is that not a part of your
personality dude you know what I was I
would actually want to talk to you about
this because you talk to so many people
you've cultivated like your Universe
right so the people that know you and
love you know the idiosyncrasies about
you they actually like know your
opinions about the world and then there
are people that just consume you
casually that just see you as whatever
that version that exists in a clip
online
so it's like what what I realized I
thought that if I had a bunch of like
diverse guests on my pod that people
would it would not one I'm just curious
about this like I like seeing diversity
of thought I'm just really interested so
the people who know me know that about
me the people that don't know you only
know the version of you that they want
to consume so if there's like a really
awesome poignant piece that's like
written about you they're like I don't
want that guy to be poignant and awesome
I want that guy to be this or me the
same thing right or vice versa exactly
if they if they do they but the people
who love you know you already you don't
need to convince them so what I realize
is like doing this press
run is that uh I got to talk to way more
people that you might think I disagree
with because I have to go if I care
about the perception of me which I can't
say I don't I'm a comedian at the end of
the day I can live with people thinking
different things about me that is fine I
I I I can accept it that's all
but I realized the way to to alter that
perception is not bringing people on my
podcast it's going to other people's
podcast especially people that I you
might think that we disagree on and then
we get into like a cool Nuance
conversation and you realize and I see
it happen in real time they're like oh
wow actually yeah that kind of does make
sense and uh oh wow I didn't think that
you would have that perspective it's
like yeah of course you didn't like then
diagram overlaps way more than we
thought it would do and I don't and I
have empathy for it I get why you
thought that like you just consume
content about me in the same way that I
consume content about Ben Shapiro like
I'm sure Ben is way more nuanced than I
just described to him earlier on the Pod
like I'm sure there's people who like
really know him and understand his
beliefs and it's not there isn't this
like rigidity that he puts out online
when he's like scolding a college kid
you know maybe there's moments where he
has a lot more empathy for that college
kid who's you know battling with his
identity or battling with you know
wanting to make the world a better place
and his opinion is a little different
than Benz but if I only get that version
I only consume you know that's what I
think and we have to kind of live with
that because we are what we put out in
the world and if what we put out in the
world can get clipped up and put into
these different things that is the cost
of of be ready for that to happen yeah
there's this idea called tilting at
windmills an online stranger doesn't
know you all they have are a few vague
impressions of you too meager to form
anything but a fantasm so when they
attack you they're really just attacking
their own imagination and there is no
need to take it personally yeah so that
tilting at windmills things I wanted to
ask you this actually the concern real
quick is is like you would hope that
that doesn't become a trend well like
I've seen that happen with me like
people like start they like an idea like
creates about me that's just like not
true and then anybody that doesn't like
me for whatever reason maybe have good
reasons to not like me it just becomes
another justification for not liking
they hold on to the fantasm right and
then that become but what did we say
before that feelings don't care about
the fact exactly it doesn't matter and
unfortunately what did we also say
before Optics really are sort of the
most important thing and if you have a
story that fits people's prior there is
something that gets a particular cohort
of people who are all distinct and
separate but they coales around their
Mutual distaste for a particular person
and there is a very nice cohesive neat
narrative that explains why they should
not like this person they go oh that's
our new culture that's a new thing so um
I wanted to ask you know not everybody
deals with the same level of scrutiny or
criticism that you do sure but what have
you learned about how to care less about
the opinions of other people how to sort
of take criticism well I think that
like again I think the the care is more
about like you're like okay I hope this
doesn't like shift perspective and like
NE negatively impact my ability to like
provide for my family that's really
where the care I'm fine with people
thinking that I'm a certain way and like
this thing like you know the Kendrick
thing comes out like they turn it into
like [ __ ] racism within like I'm like
what the [ __ ] you know it's how what you
know like it was whatever it doesn't
matter and then um and and I'm like okay
I'm fine like the internet just moves on
eventually you just let that kind of so
you just hope that like it doesn't lock
in and then affect your bottom line but
the thing that makes me okay with
accepting criticism is that all the
people I
admire are the most criticized people so
like everybody I look up up to and I
aspire to have you know the level of
success that they have are the most
critic like I mean [ __ ] Taylor Swift
is like there's no more criticize like
she's getting booed at the Super Bowl
yet it
takes 120 dudes to sell out that Super
Bowl she could do it by herself four
nights in a row you know what I mean so
she's sitting there getting booed but
she's also like this is cute I remember
doing this I remember doing this little
Stadium you know what I mean like so
there is this version
where I'm okay with the criticism I'm
fine with it my concern is more like the
the false narratives catching heat
because there is like an attention or
currency that you could build around it
and I have I don't really know how to
like th that I I wish I had like some
people like really good at like
addressing narratives strategy like Dave
ptoy maybe Porto is just like he's poroy
50 Cent is amazing like anything pops
about on that ass and um I'm probably a
little more passive because I'm I'm like
I'm just going to put out the art you
know I'm going to put out my special and
you'll get a sense of who I am or I'll
talk to people on the Pod and I'll do
these things and and uh also you can't
respond to people who don't really have
a face so you can't respond to ideas
like I can respond to Kendrick because
Kendrick is the biggest rapper in the
world can't respond to like some YouTube
video you know it just in my mind I'm
like okay now I'm just blowing that
thing up I'm just adding gas to it you
know yeah the Kendrick thing was
interesting that was that was a wild
does that even hit your radar like I'm
I'm so confused about who knows about
these things I didn't see this happen oh
wow I didn't see I I did when I started
doing a little bit of prep for today
yeah and uh I was like oh chel got in
some Super Bowl beef that was it's like
it's just so this is so so funny too is
like whenever you go through something
you think it's the biggest thing that's
another thing I learned it's like no one
really cares like it doesn't really M
like you think it's big but like the the
reality most people don't and we exist
in these little bubbles so like a bubble
cares about it for a second but when I
go out to dinner nobody cares hey if we
can forget about October 7th because
zalinski sat down with Trump and forget
about the Super Bowl that's a great way
that's right so I need another
tragedy yeah just sew the seeds of
another [ __ ] international incident
that's what they say you kill a story
with a story I remember this was uh as
level sociology or as level media
studies before I went to University and
uh as uh so in the UK 16 17 18 you go to
what we call College which is before
University and you do as level and then
you do a level as is first a level is
the second year and that's what gets you
your grades for uni and um I was told
this story about the day after so uh
September 12th the media manager for a
PR Company who ended up losing a job
because of this quote right was caught
saying the words publicly it's a good
day for bad news and if you go and you
look at the newspapers September 12th
September 13th September 14th page 64
page 74 toxic spill uh accounting error
uh [ __ ] recall for Dangerous product
all building seven
yeah very good yeah yeah uh the people
just dumping this this stuff out there
but yeah I think uh I I heard this
really interesting sentence the other
day I just don't care about people
misjudging me
anymore and I really love that sentence
so I don't care about people misjudging
me and I think a lot of the time when it
comes to criticism what we're worried
about
is this person has an incorrect uh
perspective perception of me
mhm I don't like that let me go and fix
because I know I'm not that so let me go
and manage their perception of me I'm
going to step in I'm going to fix this
thing you go I don't think you can dude
and if you if you try and play that game
if you want to try and fix everybody's
erroneous expect of you or
interpretation of you the other side is
as well it's often people that don't
like you don't understand what you're
doing don't have your best interests at
heart they don't like you and they're
not nice people yeah and you're saying
that person that particular individual
or group of individuals misjudged me
yeah and I feel bad it's like yeah it
yeah yeah it's like you ever you ever
get an argument with your girl and then
um not even an argument like you'll do
something and your intention was not for
that to hurt her like I you seem like a
good guy I don't see why you would like
want to hurt someone you care about but
it did hurt her and what I used to do is
I would try to explain her out of her
hurt right I would try to explain to my
wife why she shouldn't be hurt right
because I want to be a good guy and I
can't let me tell you why you're wrong
yeah yeah let me tell you why your
feelings are wrong and it's just like oh
no what I meant by it is this right and
like and why we're doing that is cuz we
don't want them to think we are the type
of person that would try to do something
to hurt them I'm actually feeling
insecure that you might feel differently
towards me if I'm the type of man that
would do that to make you feel that way
they don't want that what they want is
their feelings to be acknowledged and
just going I'm sorry that that what I
did made you feel that way I'm really
sorry and then if they if they go why
did you do it and go well actually this
was my thinking then they're they're
asking for the why and the same I think
the exact same thing applies to what
you're saying it's like these people
feel a certain way yeah I'm sorry that
that made you feel that way you know I
am sorry that but in terms of
like caring about the perception anybody
who's ever like felt a certain way about
me that I've had a conversation with I
feel like his left not feeling that way
and so I'm not really concerned about
like the misjudgment the concern is only
like how could it negatively impact
opportunities to to achieve my dreams
and that's the the beauty of like
financial success is that you get to
really not care like if you're at a
number right like if you hit the number
where you like I could stop doing all
this and I'm good and my daughter can
eat and my wife is safe and you don't
even have to address any of it you know
what I mean like if you get to a certain
number where you're just like I'm just
creating the [ __ ] that I want to create
I don't even care if it makes money I
just love creating things who gives a
[ __ ] isn't it interesting how most
people's projects have this like odd uh
Paulo quo's The Alchemist like you leave
the place to come back to where you
started so you what is that explain that
to me read The Alchemist I've heard of
The Alchemist I haven't read it it's a
really beautiful book and it's a it's a
fiction book it's super easy to read
it's not a flex to say that you've read
it but it's kind of a bit trippy to to
read it this beautiful story about
Santiago this Spanish boy who goes on a
journey and he comes back and spoiler
aler if you haven't listened to it yet
skip ahead 30 seconds um the uh treasure
that he's looking for is in the backyard
of the place that he started and the
story's takeaway is going on a journey
to end up back where you began is not
the same having never left and yeah wow
love that my point being with something
like um standup or or or podcasting or
writing or whatever it is that you're
into you start off doing the thing the
way you want to because you love it and
you've got this passion and yeah you're
you start modeling from other people
because you want to learn from those
that have gone ahead of you and then
after a while different incentives come
in and maybe you've got saf or you've
got obligations or you've got
competition or you've got momentum and
you start to sort of get skewed away
from this a little bit and then over
time maybe you begin to get uh uh
expectations from people and you've kind
of got to you're playing up to your own
Enigma your own Persona and you're like
you've got to go going to go from
Infamous to doing life and it's like a
real change and scary to the [ __ ]
difficult second album right do I just
repeat what I did last time or do I try
and pivot and then after a while you
know hopefully you're still stripping
this you're still trying to be true to
yourself but I think a lot of the time
people end up in that post money world
or you know post Fame World whatever it
is you end up back at this place where
you're like I can just say [ __ ] you yeah
I'm going to do it the way that I want I
I had this idea I wanted to teach you
about um so you've heard of [ __ ] money
right um so I realized that I think
there's three levels to saying [ __ ] you
so the first one is [ __ ] money which is
you're not really that beholden to an
employer you maybe kind of can own
things in a way that makes you not have
to adhere to laws in the same sort of a
way there Freedom which is actually more
accessible than [ __ ] money because you
can just like if you've got enough you
can live off grid maybe you don't even
need to be reliant on supermarkets you
don't need to really like listen to laws
if you got a little bit of land or
whatever um but then the third level is
[ __ ] family and I think a lot of the
time people are playing these games they
want to be requited and validated
external success and all the rest of it
but I get the sense and I see this with
you and a lot of my my friends that
become young dads that they kind of look
back on a lot of the ways that they got
validation and and self-esteem as like
real juvenile very immature like look at
all of these people who I don't know who
I don't give a [ __ ] about and I cared
about their opinions about me and really
the only people whose opinions I care
about are the ones that are inside of
this household yeah and that [ __ ]
family thing is the most accessible to
everybody and um yeah it's a transition
that you know if you're a high-powered
person like man or woman and then you
pivot into family life I wonder how many
have like a retrospective existential
crisis about like what the [ __ ] was I
doing yeah who was I yeah I did all of
that and okay yeah cool like I just
didn't know but holy [ __ ] like that my
eyes have been opened and I see what the
actual game that I was playing bro it is
so cliche so much about having children
is cliche but
like the hardest day the most stressful
day the most difficult day when I open
the door and I get back at 6 o00 every
day my daughter is in the play pen
usually with my wife and she hears the
door open and like she slowly turns
around and then I watch her face crease
into this beautiful like six tooth smile
and everything nothing matters at all
it's so cliche it's it's actually
difficult as a comedian who like tries
to have like unique takes on things how
normal my reactions to having a child is
right like but it is just nothing really
matters in that moment and then for the
next we're getting after it for the next
hour we're just we're just get nothing
matters and you're 100% right that is
like [ __ ] you family now you need things
to get there because you feel obviously
like a responsibility to make sure she's
safe and she can go to the school she
wants and we could live in a nice place
and experience these cool things but
yeah that I love that I love that I saw
this I saw this quote earlier on today
that said it's not okay to work your
life away but it is okay to work your
20s away and yo I like this keep going
on this because time is something that
we should discuss yeah I think you know
again I said for me and I really I just
want to like re highlight the fact that
I think the new special from you is
probably the
most
culturally uh penet
ative uh explanation of male fertility
issues that I've seen I I you know you
said before we always assume that the
problem's the woman and we have big we
have lots of stories about that we have
archetypes right the struggling woman
whether it's struggling to find a
partner and the biological clock is
ticking trying to get pregnant going
through the IVF and the the pain of the
the the process and then the pain of it
not taking and you know all of the stuff
that you can learn about if you spend a
bit of time on this and uh we don't have
a cultural story about what it's like to
be a man who is really desperate to be a
dad but can't find a partner or has a
partner and is trying to be a dad and
has fertility issu and that doesn't
exist and um time for both men and women
even more than that like I think about
this now so I'm 37 right like let's say
that I managed to make the family in
three years let's say I have my first
kid when I'm 40 like I'll be 65 when my
first kid's
25 kids weren't on my brain at 25 I'm
okay so I'm 75 when my kids are 35 so
I'm going to be like 77 when my kids are
my age yeah I'm like Chop Chop I want to
be a Granddad yeah like well you didn't
[ __ ] give your parents that same like
where was The Chop Chop when you were
doing this thing so I didn't meet any of
my
grandparents I I met like when I was
like one or something like that one of
them I think but yeah that happens and
that is the cost time the first thought
I had when I saw my daughter is that uh
I wish I did it sooner so I would have
more time with her and that's the first
thought I saw when I saw her like I was
like what did I do now I'm not regretful
of my life I love how it turned out and
I met the woman that I want to create a
family and have a life with but yeah you
think about it constantly
time I I always heard people talk about
it and you
see it is it's cliche but time like how
do we get time every I don't buy
expensive [ __ ] really like I I think
when I first got money I got some like
watches whatever I think it was this
like form of validating myself I think
it was this like outside in I was like
yeah I've I've achieved some success let
me get a [ __ ] watch and like I
retrofitted this justification was like
oh the gears are so nice like come on
it's not about that but like time
everything I spend it's like a trip but
the trip is soaking up this undivided
time with family and friends everything
is how can I spend time with my f I'm
lucky I work with all my friends my guy
who does all my Partnerships I've known
since I was 13 years old my first friend
in high school my manager who's just my
partner is my first friend from college
everybody is family in the group so I'm
very lucky in that regard but how do we
spend time what what do we what are we
doing and like even I'm going to do
press for this and I'm like okay you got
to you got to go and you got to get the
word out okay that's going to be
probably a month of going to get the
word out you know okay that's time away
how can I get that back can okay can I
take a month off in summer and just lock
in how do I spend everything I've ever
heard from parents is it goes fast old
people talk about time in the way that
young people talk about success and
money old people don't really talk about
success and when they do it's like it's
kind of weird like they're not like oh I
killed it in the market today or
something like that you're just like oh
is that what you're excited about nid
went up like who gives a [ __ ]
like oh I'm taking a trip with your mom
and we're going to her favorite place
you know and like everything is just
reminder of time you know my my wife's
mom has a you know disease this is
slowly killing her it's this reminder of
time my dad has dementia this reminder
of time and it's fleeting and like the
memories that I'll have with my dad
exist forever but will never make new
memories together you know and it's like
this is time like how much time do I
have with him how many actual days do I
have with him and uh yeah I haven't
fully processed like this the importance
of that but
yeah it's just this this this this
amazing yeah as I reflect back like I
think I have lived a life where like I I
was able to soak up things with my
friends but like I I worked I don't
think I've ever not worked seven days
but like my 20s I didn't celebrate a
birthday like I was just doing comedy on
the road for no money like anybody would
let me go on stage so I get better at
the craft like I I still had fun I went
I had good time with my friend but I
wasn't like partying partying like some
of my friends were like I would say when
I was like on TV I was like my friends
have way better sex lives these guys are
on [ __ ] tnder doing like you know
having fims and [ __ ] and I'm just like
trying to write jokes and it was that
that decade was sacrifice you know I
didn't drink for like 10 years I was
like I need to lock in I got to [ __ ]
got to get good at this
[ __ ] but yeah how can I I'm fortunate
enough to like get a couple bucks and
like have a family at 41 years
old all right maybe we want to have
another kid how can I organize the rest
of my life so that I can just spend time
so I can go out to have a dinner with my
wife and we're just [ __ ] joking
around and like looking at silly
pictures of our daughter and busting
balls just how do we have as many of
those moments as I possibly can for the
rest of my life how many times can I
like Peak die laughing with my friends
like every once in a while you hit that
moment something stupid happens and like
we are just on the floor laughing can I
have a hundred more of those can I have
a thousand more of those how can I
organize my life so I can have as many
of those as I possibly can and how can I
not waste time with people I don't
really care about I think it goes back
to what you're saying it's like am i g
to waste time on trying to deal with
like what this person on the internet is
saying or should I you know just read
the same book to my daughter 20 times in
a row and like I should do that you know
yeah time time everything that you say
yes to is saying no to everything else
yeah so by committing to the argument on
Twitter that's a yes and you have said
no to every other experience that could
be possible yeah at that moment and
you're ignoring all the people that are
supporting you you're ignoring all the
people that are riding for you you're
ignoring all the people like to focus on
the people that hate you I could message
back like the amount of people that send
me like DMS about coming to the show
having no clue that it was about the IVF
journey and they're like struggling to
get pregnant and then they'll message me
a year later and be like hey we just had
our first kid and like it was really
cool to see that and made it a little
more normal for us or the people who
went through and felt stigmatized and
then they they realized it was it's like
actually something you can kind of laugh
at I should be and I try to respond to
every one of those before I respond to a
single person reacting to some fake [ __ ]
about me on the interet they should be
the bottom of the barrel they are so
I've been again as somebody who as of
yet hasn't reached the Finish Line with
family but he is still in the race
you'll get there and then everything you
know will go out the window I just want
to let you know because you've got the
whole world worked out I know you've
done a lot of work on figuring it out
and the second that baby comes it's done
it's it's none of it makes sense any I I
am ready the I can't wait to that pod
once you have the baby we got to have
another back um but I've been thinking
about this that uh how does somebody
like you or or you know somebody maybe
even more somebody like me who hasn't
got to that finish line yet how do you
make sense of what you did to yourself
for a couple of decades you know because
I did something not too dissimilar with
my work rate and it's still going and
and the grind and the drive and all the
rest of the stuff and uh I do get the
sense that even if you respectively
think God if I known what I know now
about what's most important I could have
done that would have should I could have
done that earlier but then there's
another bit of you that goes how much
did I develop into the person that can
be the sort of parent that I want to be
financially emotionally uh in terms of
closing all of the loops of life and
saying like I did the things I did the
things I [ __ ] to give hundreds of
dates for this thing about you about you
yeah yeah and I got to not only create
this beautiful tribute to to you on
stage I also got to like [ __ ] work it
out of my system a little bit yeah no I
I I don't think you should regret a
single thing in your life
if it well the only thing I would say is
like if you had a relationship that you
thought had like a lot of promise and
you're like hey I need to focus on work
and you let it go that I would go that's
potentially a regret MH um I didn't have
any of those until I met my wife and I
was like okay this is it we're going to
do this 100% MH
and so if if you're not there are some
people that do that though they meet the
person that might be like the one for
them I don't know if there's like a one
but there there's somebody that they
really connected it was beautiful and it
would have worked I always tell people
they're like I don't know if I'm ready
to have a kid yeah like that's fine
that's fine but if you do it will work
out like you will manage it and it will
make everything in your life that much
better I cannot
impress that upon people more like so if
you are and and I get the feeling of let
me just make myself safe and protected
but you will do that naturally there's
an instinct like what do they say every
baby comes with a basket of bread is
that the saying like that mean yeah I
think it's a Biblical saying but it's
like like you have a baby and all of a
sudden like you start to make way more
money than you used to abundance comes
it it doesn't restrict your ability to
do stuff it actually enables it yeah so
interesting but yeah like it seems to me
that from our conversation that like you
haven't had that relationship in the
past that you shunned so I wouldn't
regret a single thing matter of fact
like when that relationship does present
itself hopefully it's the one you're in
now who knows how that you know
flourishes or blossoms into something
but like if it is the
thing go go and go and [ __ ] send it
and then have kids and just they're
awesome and uh I would love that to be
part of like the masculinity
conversation I feel like me too I think
I'm I saw you writing some stuff maybe
it was right maybe I was watching you
something but it was something about
like um there's a lot of talk about
masculinity and like what we need to do
and how we need to better ourselves and
oftentimes kids aren't put into that
equation did you was that you posting
about this and I think that's a great
take like I would love fatherhood and
like what it means to be like a good
active father to be part of
this uh idea of like the modern male and
um because I know the the fathers I see
out there that are really
invested uh I feel like they would
really love to see that represented that
it's not just about like [ __ ] you
know how your squats are a quarter or
whatever you know what I mean like who
gives a [ __ ] how much he can squat you
like the bank account or the follower
number yeah it's like yeah none of that
[ __ ] matters like when you see a dad
that sucks with their kid you know
you're not envious that they have a boat
you're just like you're a [ __ ] loser
and then when you see those kids that
hate their parents you know what I mean
you're not envious of those parents at
all regardless of what they've got no
but when you see like the dad walk home
Home and these videos of like the three
kids run to the door it's like
impossible to not want a million kids
did you see I did this video [ __ ]
made me tear up the other day uh it's a
ring door or maybe like the inside of a
house thing and uh this little daughter
must be three or something yeah and she
says Daddy are you going to the gym and
he says yeah Daddy's going to the gym
and she like turns away from him she
goes wow I'm so proud of you
and the dad just freezes yeah and he
like picks her up and I'm just like holy
[ __ ] what are we doing what are we doing
that isn't just [ __ ] yo this is the
most pronatalist yeah podcast we need
that I think we need a lot I mean you
know elon's got his version of saying it
he yeah and he's like very brutalist
about he's like oh the population
numbers or whatever that's not yeah
that's not what people react to like a
video on the internet I don't know if
you saw the one where like the guy opens
the door and he NOS there's all these
cups that were placed in front of the
door by his kids but he doesn't walk
into them because he sees the cups and
then he realizes that that was the prank
so then he like makes some noise or
knocks on the door so the kids are ready
and then closes then he closes the door
then they kind like knocks on or
something like that and then opens and
they see him like fall into the cups and
the kids are going [ __ ] crazy and
you're like that's yeah if there's one
thing that I would love to love to
promote it is uh it is is that well you
youve you've done it man I I I really
really am so proud of what you did with
with this new special it's it's it's
[ __ ] speci I'm proud of you man it's
awesome to see what you built and I was
really stoked to to have this
conversation with you so thank you so
much for taking the time brother me too
live stream it on Netflix right now yeah
appreciate you thank you for making it
to the end of this episode and if you
enjoyed that conversation with Andrew
Schultz you'll love my chat with Tom
sigura which is just
here go on press it