Video summary
The podcast addresses a perceived crisis of femininity, questioning whether women currently lack adequate role models and struggle to find inspiration in female figures. The host argues that while there are exceptional men excelling in psychology, he cannot recall any woman who inspired him during his upbringing. He posits that this absence is not due to inherent flaws among women but rather a disconnect between personal values and the current environment. Crucially, he rejects the notion of complete gender equality as an ideal goal for himself; instead, he advocates for embracing distinct differences where men complement areas in which women are deficient and vice versa. He suggests that if everyone does everything exactly the same, it negates the unique purpose each individual brings to life relationships and society. A significant portion of the discussion focuses on privilege, specifically highlighting what the host describes as the extreme advantages held by white English women compared to men from other backgrounds or ethnicities. He contrasts complaints about oppression made by these privileged individuals with the realities faced by Muslim men facing discrimination at airports or black men dealing with police bias. The speaker contends that many feminists operate under a "victimhood narrative" driven not by actual suffering but by a desire for meaning and purpose, similar to how fans crave excitement during a football match rather than enduring boredom. He characterizes these views as "luxury beliefs," arguing they are often held by financially stable women in safe environments who do not experience the genuine dangers that chivalry or male protection offers less privileged groups. The transcript draws a sharp distinction between the concerns of wealthy, high-powered professionals and those living on benefits in run-down areas where safety is a daily concern. The host illustrates this continuum using examples ranging from ensuring a date gets home safely to preventing domestic violence, arguing that dismantling these protective norms would negatively impact vulnerable populations first. He suggests that when society removes asymmetries in safety or the courtesy of chivalry without addressing underlying economic and social inequalities, men may stop offering protection because they see no reason to do so if their efforts are not valued by a privileged demographic. This disconnect leads him to view certain feminist arguments as performative struggles for identity rather than genuine necessities for survival. To address these issues, the speaker proposes authenticity as the fundamental key to mental health and psychological well-being for women. He warns that adopting values or identities one has not personally experienced—such as claiming oppression in a workplace where no such mistreatment occurred—is akin to living in a delusion, which he describes as a form of slow emotional suicide. The core advice is to remain true to one's own lived experiences rather than imitating cultural trends or bandwagons started by others. By asking oneself what truly brings satisfaction and rejecting actions taken merely for status or revenge, such as posting provocative pictures online or engaging in unnecessary conflicts with ex-partners, individuals can achieve genuine security. Ultimately, the conclusion is that embracing one's authentic self provides a stable foundation against psychological distress, whereas chasing external validation through pseudo-oppression leads to instability.
Read the full video transcript
do you think there's a crisis of
femininity at the moment do you think
that women are struggling for good Role
Models right now
I do think so and you know I I know from
my personal experience I don't have a
role model online I don't have a role
model and if I do have any kind of role
models it will just be like uh some of
the men in the field I've done really
great work in Psychology but I can't
tell you there's a single woman that
I've ever watched growing up and thought
I want to be like her and that that's
not because there's anything wrong with
the women out there maybe it's my values
don't connect with current environment
but what I would love to see is how we
can Embrace every part of being a woman
I just loved I love being different to a
man I have no desire for complete
equality with a man it just doesn't make
me feel good knowing that I can do
everything a man can do because I'd
rather what's the point of you if we do
everything the same I'd rather you
complete the areas of my life where I'm
deficient and I complete areas of your
life where you're Division and when I
was you know living in England and
working around a English environment and
stuff there was such a well I found with
feminists and particularly in the
English environment there's no
specimen of human being that is more
privileged than the English white woman
in my experience there's no human on
this planet that is more privileged than
the English white woman and when I used
to see how much they would complain
about the oppression they experienced
and I just thought to myself you
definitely still have more rights than
somebody like my father who's got a bit
of an accent and he's definitely Muslim
and stuff like that you definitely have
more of a privilege than him and you
definitely have more of a privilege than
you know this the Caribbean guys or the
Nigerian guys or the Muslim guys when
you go to the airport you definitely
have a privilege but because people are
so almost dying to be a victim they
would complain about such small things I
remember like being in schools and the
teachers would complain like oh God the
music is too many male answers that's
inequality and I just thought you don't
know what suffering is you haven't
experienced it but you want to because
it gives you meaning and purpose and so
I felt and this is probably going to
sound bad but I felt like it was the
most privileged members of society
complaining about being oppressed when
they haven't seen true oppression and
and I always say to feminists that you
know from that background like do you
want the Privileges of men or do you
want the Privileges of white men because
I promise you if you're in a white woman
you don't want to have the same
treatment as a black man when you're
pulled over by the police or by the
airport staff as a Muslim man with a
beard are you sure you want to be
treated like a man or you just want to
be treated like a certain type of man
because I promise you you're very
privileged and I felt it even as a woman
with what like I have pretty much white
skin I feel incredibly privileged so I
felt like it's not a gendered thing it's
a class thing you have more privileges
through your class and your skin tone
and your appearance then you do have
gender so I just didn't understand the
battle and that's what led to my
disassociation
one of the other problems I think is
that
a lot of the women that espouse this
sort of victimhood narrative and say
things like we need to smash the
patriarchy and chivalry is dead because
we don't need men they are luxury
beliefs that are held by women who
are sufficiently financially stable and
live in a society that is fine for them
now yeah I'm totally open to believing
that a high-powered female psychologist
or lawyer or attorney or whatever uh
maybe doesn't need to have the man pay
for the first date or hold the door open
for her or make sure that she gets home
safe or whatever because that's she is
absolutely fine
consider for a second the woman that is
on benefits living in some run-down
Council estate in the north west of the
UK who maybe the partner that she's with
didn't even complete secondary school
maybe he has no gcses he had an absent
father home no one ever taught him how
to be a man perhaps those codes of
chivalry weren't constraining to him
they were assisting like things it is
one as far as I can see it is one
Continuum from you should make sure that
your date gets home safe to you
shouldn't hit your wife like it is a
single Continuum all the way down that
there is an asymmetry in the safety that
men and women have and as soon as you
start to open that door this isn't me
saying that like if women want to walk
home safe they're like in 20 years time
they're going to be hit but my point is
that
as soon as you accept the fact that
there are certain things that men can
offer that women can't as soon as you
take those away Men start to ask the
question well why should I bother doing
this and this and this and this and this
and it start The Dominoes begin to
Tumble so a lot of these opinions are
held by women for whom they are never
going to be affected by the bad
externalities of doing it it's the
luxury belief of all of the people that
live in gated communities With Private
Security saying defund the police eat
[ __ ] yeah like eat [ __ ] it's got [ __ ]
all to do with you this has got nothing
to do with your life this is you being
able to proselytize about how much you
uphold the the underclass and the
working class that are being
persecuted by police that come through
their neighborhood you don't live there
you don't deal with it and it's exactly
that here's what it is here's what it's
like you know when you're watching a
great football match and you're so
engrossed in it you almost want to wish
you supported a team I don't watch
football but when I watch the World Cup
final I was wishing I was which
whichever team I was like whoever scored
I was on their team I wanted to be part
of that Glory because at least you feel
alive now when you're not involved in
any kind of Oppression any kind of cause
any kind of anything you start to lose
purpose when you're watching a boring
football match you start noticing how
cold it is how [ __ ] the food is but when
you're watching something so exciting
you forget all of that and you feel
alive what I see when I see these
incredibly incredibly privileged women
fighting for women's rights it's like
they've watched
um they've watched the trauma of other
people and they so want to feel alive
because human nature is designed for
survival when you've got it so easy you
still crave meaning and purpose you
still crave kind of some kind of
hostility so they jump in the fight that
they actually they don't need and B
they're already so privileged and when I
see these kind of feminists who are
arguing about men's rights and putting
men down when while they live this most
amazing life what it screams to me is
you're dreaming to have a meaning and
purpose you want to be on that football
match you want to be in that boxing ring
and because you don't have it you're
going to identify with the people that
do and almost have a pseudo oppression
and that's what it looks like to me you
are so gr I'm so grateful to be a woman
especially growing up in the west
speaking English do you think I would be
here speaking to you if my English
accent wasn't like this what a privilege
I have so to see those people who have
this complain that they're oppressed
it's laughable because I'm from a
different world when I go back to
Kashmir it's laughable to me because
women gender rights don't matter when
you haven't got food on the table
given the fact that there is a challenge
perhaps even the women who are
performatively doing this victimhood by
proxy thing
they would probably like to have better
role models and better values to focus
on in your opinion what what are the
things that can predict a healthy
psychology for a woman what where are
the places that affirm that she could
stand uh that would make her life better
and would also make the lives of the
people around her better
I think the key I I know I talk a lot
about how everybody's similar but in the
sense that everybody's also different
it's authenticity here's a trick for
mental health as a woman you remain
completely and utterly authentic and you
can't know that if you jump on other
people's bandwagons if you imitate the
culture around you if you imitate the
other people's experiences if you adopt
values that you haven't actually
experienced so a lot of feminists will
say oh oppressed men men in the
workplace and then I'll say to them who
oppressed you at the workplace oh my
boss she was a [ __ ] I'm like she was a
bit yeah the guy was great the manager
was great he was lovely but the woman so
I'm asking them what is your lived
experience is it really that men haven't
been oppressing you no they've never
actually treated me that badly right the
moment you lose touch with your
authenticity you start living in a
delusion and when we live in a delusion
we are almost we're just it's a
predictable slow and steady suicide
emotionally and psychologically so start
to live according to your authenticity
what do you truly want well do you truly
want to sleep with this guy to look cool
and act like a bad [ __ ] no you don't
how do you feel afterwards I feel [ __ ]
so why are you doing it do you really
want to text your ex after a fight with
your boyfriend no but I just want to get
even why are you doing it do you truly
want to post that picture of you out
there and just have to deal with DNS
order and you truly feel good when you
post on that only fans no but I just
want a bag what do you want to do with
that bag I don't know I don't even use
them stay in touch with your authentic
self I promise you're secure to any
psychological or mental health issue
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peace