Why Do Men Wait Until It's Too Late To Act Right!

Hey, hey, Tony Gastons here popping in now. Another message outside of the purpose pushers community which the link is in the description. You pursuing purpose, jump on over there with us on here. We kind of talk about love and relationships as you know. So, we'll still have those. But in the background, we pushing purpose. So, hey, get on ready. Now, I want to talk to you about this because I'm seeing this a lot and I've been thrust into this. Like in the last month, I've had several men reach out to me about their marriage and when it's to the end, but then also several women reach out and the marriage is to the end and they're trying to figure out like what to do next, what's coming. And it's one of those situations where it's it's unfortunate, but I want to break it down to you and explain it to you, help you understand from a male perspective why we do this and what you can do as a woman watching this to kind of subvert it, if that's a word, and possibly avoid this. Now, one of the things you got to understand that you have to realize about men, and you'll notice it if you have a son or typical son, is we push boundaries. We love to push boundaries. We we go very far in whatever we got going on. We always going to push boundaries and it's one of those situations where y'all forgive my wife. Sent me a Tik Tok. I need to see what it's about. I'll be right back. Pause it. All right, I'm back. So, and that's just one of the things like we push boundaries. So it all it goes all the way back to the to the schoolyard where you see boys climbing on top of the little little little dome thing. You know how they had a little little gym play toy jump dome thing. Get up there to the top of it. Jump off. Get in the swing. Get somebody to start pushing you in your back and you you kicking them leg. You swinging them leg. You get as high as you can go. about the way you about to flip over and then you get all the way to that height and then you let go and you jump out and just the the life you living. Y'all forgive my wife text me about her Tik Tok and that's how we do. And then you also see in boyhood the punching the wall, temper tantrum, rolling on the floor, stomping feet. Then it comes a little bit later the back talking some every now and then some some boys want to step down on you get in your face and I've even gone through it with my oldest son I I don't think it's something I go through with my youngest son's personality is totally different but you know I've pushed my son to his limits my oldest son at times and and it's times to where you know he almost lost it. I could have lost it, but I I I knew I was teaching him something about manhood, about life that it'll make sense to him later. And I just could I cannot imagine and my heart goes out to women who don't have their child's father or a good father for their child, a active and present father. None of us are perfect. We all have our flaws. But just being a present father, it can make a difference. not always the best difference. And so and so it's one of those things to where without that men get beside themselves. Another thing I will tell you like inherently men have love for women but not necessarily respect for women. So what you have to realize, hold on one second. What you have to realize is that men take and also in society and how we raised, how we how we're taught and treated. One sec. I apologize and my wife text me and so you know she's a stay at home mom so sometime when she go to text and text about her Tik Tok and be texting about stuff you know I have to pause and talk to her cuz she at home by herself. She ain't got nobody else to talk to. You know, her friends work and, you know, they be tied up and probably don't be want to talk to about that that, you know, that young tick tock stuff with her mom who's in her 70s. So, she be telling me I'm her best friend. And so, I have to be there when she want to text and talk. So, y'all just have to understand that that I work for her, not for you. And then once you realize that, then you'll you'll be okay and be able to understand what what we getting with. Also, I'm batch recording and these could be up to hourong videos. So, it's a lot of talking. So, I be need them little pauses. Anyways, and cuz I got a call here coming up in an hour and a half, so I had to batch record. But like I was saying, you know, we push boundaries as men and we've done that since boys. And you got to realize and understand that that is why a man takes so long to get it right. Because what'll happen is a man will test you and try you and push you and try to make you break. So it's kind of like anything you do, you want to see how far you could take it, how far you could push it. It just it just human nature like with anything but more so for men. So it's like if you come into work 15 minutes late and nobody says anything to you, then you're going to come again 15 minutes late, nobody says anything to you, you're going to come again 15 minutes late. So now if you come 15 minutes late three times and your boss says nothing to you, that 9:15 instead of 9:00 a.m. is your new work time. And then one day you're going to be 30 minutes late. And if you come 30 minutes late, nothing is said. And you do that three times, nothing is said. 9:30 is about to be your new work time. and you are you you could be a woman and and and you'll rock with it. It ain't just a male thing. And so the same thing happens in relationships with men is we want to see how much we can get away with. And it ain't about being a bad man or just or being a devil or a tyrant or a dictator or a jerk. It just being a human. Humans push limits. Humans want to see how much is acceptable. How much can we get away with? And that's what a human want to do. So you have to realize that and you'll get to a place to where you you at a place and and you realize like, man, I'm being tested. I'm being tried. And what you have to understand is that it's always best for you to shut stuff down as soon as possible, as early as possible. And I think so many women look at it and they're like, "Okay, he just a man, you know, and this is how a man is." And you'll just let a man do what he wants to do and just push you, push you, push you because you like, "Hey, this is a man. This is what men do. This is how men are." And so you letting him test you and before you know it, it's different things like he ignoring you, he call you every other day, he schedule a date, cancel a date, he yell at you, he rude to you, he condescending, he talk down to you, he slap you on the butt, he slap you in the face, play play, punch you in the arm, play play, pinch you on the leg, pinch you on the back of the arm, pull your ponytail if you got one, you know, he just do all kind of stuff. Make fun of your forehead, make fun of your toes, make fun of your teeth, and just does like a lot of passive aggressive stuff and it it kind of hurt your feelings. You try to learn how to laugh it off. You don't know what's serious. You don't know what's fake. And before you know it, you become his verbal or emotional or spiritual or physical punching bag. And he takes out his anger and his pain and his frustration on you. And you feel it. And he makes you feel it. He makes sure that you feel it. And he take you through the ringer. Take you through there. And you just don't know what's going on and why is he doing this to you? You feeling like what did I do to deserve this? Does he love me? Does he like me? Does he care for me? Why is he doing me like this? I'll never do him like that. No. What is this? And you confused. And all he's doing is doing what come natural to him. He's doing what he's seen done. And he wants to see who you are, what you are, and where you are. Because he's going to place you in his life based on, what you stop, what you allow, and what you reinforce. He going to place you based on that. So anything you let him do that is disrespectful, hurtful, harmful, irresponsible, inconsiderate, inconsistent. Anything you let him do without addressing it, calling it out, putting your foot down, letting him know that it's unacceptable. that behavior will continue. He will do that over and over and over again. And each time it'll get a centimeter worse, then an inch worse, then a foot worse, then a yard worse, and it'll just get worse and worse and worse. And the reason being is because for one, he human. Humans learn. Humans learn learn behavior. Humans adapt. The brain is how it works. Whatever you can get, you're going to get. Whatever you can get away with, you're going to get away with. People who aren't like that, that also is learned behavior. They're taught not to be a bully, not to be this, not to be that. Like my son was talking to me today and he was like, "Man, guys just be trolling me. They be bothering me. They be saying this. They be saying that." He was like, "The stuff they say I never say to nobody." But what my son probably don't remember is when he was in soccer practice one day and it was this itty bitty kid and the boy was about to get the ball and my son came and dropped his shoulder and ran the boy over. I mean just you playing with somebody half your size. Why do the boy like that? And when my son got in that car, I jacked his butt up. I threw him in that seat. I got in his face and I ripped him a new one. And I say never in your life pick on somebody smaller than you. never in your life do somebody dirty like that. And I I I probably shouldn't have did that, but it just bothered me that and I and but what I didn't realize is my son had been the runt. He had been the little guy sometimes. He had been picked on. He had been talked about. And I had never been that guy. I had always been him. I had always been the best athlete on on the field. So I didn't understand that we ain't see it the same way. We was talking at the day and I was telling him my experience because he going through some stuff right now at school because they didn't ranked him number one best looking guy on the school and they got this little fake app where it's all anonymous called Fizz. And then somebody went in there and then lied talking about they done already slept with him and that that he don't take showers and he got a little penis and all of that which is not true. And so it's like he was like I laughed it off but it is annoying that people just in there talking about me like that and just whatever but and I told him before he went I said son this is division two school. I went to division two. I said you going to be the man. Like they never seen nothing like you in the part of towns where you going. You wearing diamonds, you know, handsome, face card, hair, skin, teeth, everything on you is perfect. Like they not used to seeing that on on on boys, on men. They going to be they going to be on you. I said, "Be careful. Watch yourself. You there for business. We in and out. Go in there. Handle business." Boom. Up out of there. Transfer portal going back D1. And so I give him the game running running the plays and people talking about him, trying to attack them, trying to, you know, and all of that right there. And it come with it. But that's learn behavior. Who he is is who I raised. Me being in his face, me ripping him a new one. He don't always appreciate it. He don't always respect it. He don't understand it. When he get older and he have a son, if he if he blessed and fortunate to have a son, he'll realize later. And so that's what you got to realize. Some men grow. Some men just grow up and some men are raised up and there's a difference. So when you get a man who hasn't been taught how to treat a woman, he hasn't been taught the the wonders and the beauty and the importance of marriage, of the union, the sanctity of it, the purity of it, and he hasn't been taught those things, he's going to test you, and he may not be fixable. You may not be able to fix him. And it's one of those situations. And so you got to you got to realize and understand that. And as far as a man who you know he knows better, let's say he had a father in the home or a great mom, he come from a a good upbringing, you know, his his peoples are solid. That's a man that you can kind of get in shape. like you could you could get him together, but a lot of women do one of two things. They either shrink or they fly off the handle. You got to get to the place like my wife, she used to be a shrinker and then she would say something and it'll be direct or whatever. But now she'll go back and forth with me. Like now she done been with me long enough now she know me. and been through enough to where she'll talk to me direct. And she'll tell me what I need to hear and not what I want to hear, but what I need to hear. And she'll talk to me direct. And I don't want to hear. So, I just make the changes. I don't want to hear. I don't want to be getting ripped a new one, getting told by all my flaws. So, I just make the changes. And that's because I have a a baseline. I got a foundation. I got sense. And then also I I do this for a living. So So I don't need as much reprimanding, as much correcting as as as a man who doesn't have any baseline or any experience in the space of development, personal development, self-development, maturation. And so that's what you have to realize. But what you also have to remember is that words have power. So you have the power to move mountains with your words. And I'm speaking metaphorically. You have that power. So that's why the quote says speak truth to power. And so and it could have been speak truth with power. And that's what you got to realize. So when you are able to tell him, hey, and and sometimes the noise is too loud. It's it's like you don't want to talk if you standing by the railroad track and the train passing by. You going to wait till it pass by. You don't want to talk if you in a car and the ambulance is right beside you with the sirens blaring. You want to wait till it's passed by. So the same thing is in a situation in in a relationship. It might be too intense. it might be too much noise and you got to wait until the next day. And they actually teach that in behavioral science when working with difficult clients or behavior intensive clients to a a 24-hour cool down. like the incident happens, you give it 24 hours and then you address it after things done calm down a little bit because to address it right away, things could escalate. And so that's what you want to realize and understand and that'll help you a whole lot. But you got to bring it up. Now, I'mma tell you something depending on your type of man. So for me, I'm intuitive. I know if I've done something wrong. So if you know you have a man that is a thinker and he's introspective, he holds himself accountable, then you can kind of shift your energy and he'll know already what it's about. If you have a man that you pretty much got to put it on a billboard for him to know what the issue is, that's a man that you have to confront. And confront doesn't mean yelling, screaming, cussing. Confront doesn't mean disrespecting. Confront meaning you have to say, "Hey, I want to talk to you about something." And then you have to say, "Hey, you know, yesterday the way that you talked to me, it felt unfair and it felt it was hurtful and I don't really appreciate it and I don't want you to talk to me like that again." And and guess what? Now he might say, "Well, I that's just how you took it. I didn't talk to you no type of way. I just said what needed to be said." And then now you have to go back back and forth and say, "Well, listen, it's not just about how I took it. It's also how you said it. I'm aware of my sensitivities and I'm 1,000% sure that I'm not being overly dramatic or I'm not being sensitive about this situation. you called me out of my name or you yelled at me or you were condescending like whatever it was that kind of or you did it in front of somebody like whatever it was that triggered that emotion in you that makes you feel like it that wasn't right. You got to highlight that point and you got to drive that home. And one of the things that that my wife did great with me is she had me put the shoe on the other foot and she was like, "How would you feel if I did this or did that?" And then I had to really walk in that shoe. And when I walked in that shoe, I was able to see and be like, "Oh, wow." Like, "Yeah, this real." Like, man, she right. Yeah, I wouldn't like that. Yeah, that wouldn't be right. And some and and as as simple and as basic as that sounds, it really worked. For me at least, it worked. It may be some people that it don't work with, but that's when you find another way that reaches them. So for me also what my wife had to realize that if you sit down and you shut up and you be quiet, I'mma eat you alive because I'm a wordssmith and I'm a talker and I'm very direct and I'm very blunt. So if you don't want to get chewed to shreds on this here discussion in this hill situation, you gonna have to speak up and you gonna have to articulate. But I'm also introspective, empathetic, and I can hear. So if you speak truth to power, I'm going to hear you because I'm trained by the Holy Bible. And the Bible says a wise man seeks reproof. A wise man seeks wisdom. Like we want to be corrected. So if you tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear, but what I need to hear, it pressed to the ground is going to rise again. If it's truth, if it's bull crap and you manipulating or gaslighting, I'mma also pick that up and I'mma call you out about that. But if it's legitimate, I can accept when I'm wrong and I can see what's going on and then I can apologize and I can make a change. So, you have to be able to look at your man and you got to be able to see and and identify and figure out what type of man is he. Is he the type of man where silence teaches or is he the type of man where demonstration or explanation teaches and you got to figure that out and if you are intuitive and you taking your time and you paying attention you'll be able to tell which one he is. Now give him a little quick little quick little break right here. Had take my little sip of my own Palmer now. My wife had got me a Chick-fil-A breakfast this morning. And so you got to realize that and when you take and you understand and see this the thing now this this and I'm going to give you this analogy and I want I want you to take this analogy with you and hold on to this. Practice it in the mirror. Practice it in the car. Let me help you understand something about a about a about a killer. One thing about a killer is he's not really like a like a real killer. Ain't talking about the little fake street guys. I'm talking about like real killer. Like he is he even kill and he's he's control. He's composed. This this is business. This is work. This is a mission. And it's not out of really out of a reaction. It's it's a response. So, he's under control and he knows what he's doing and he knows why he's doing it. And he's not loud. He's not boisterous. He's not afraid. And so, he puts the work in. And and so just think about like a man in the Bible who was conquering land or somebody who has to go fight against the enemy who trying to do this or do that and he got to cut off the head of the snake. You have to adopt that energy to where you're not I rateate. person shouldn't hear you before they see you. And that's where a lot of women go wrong and you're not so emotional. And so what you have to do is you got to get your emotions out in private. What a lot of people don't understand about warriors and about spiritual warriors, they go through emotions, but the emotions is dealt with in private and it's between them and God. So that 24-hour period, what that can allow you to do is if you need to cry your eyes out, you cry your eyes out in that 24-hour period. And then you put your visine in you clear your eyes, put your concealer on to hide the bags, whatever you need to do. and so that when you approach him, you're cried out. If you're the type to where you've had temper problems and all of that, then you need to go up to the the cultures boxing gym or whatever boxing thing in your city, put some gloves on, and just whale on that punching bag. Just hit it for an hour as hard as you need to. Whatever you need to do. Don't hurt yourself. Don't go punch a hole in the wall. Don't be talking about slitting your wrist. Don't be don't don't get all crazy, but go channel that. If if you need to go running, if you need to go on a 5 hour walk, whatever it is, you need to let the window down, go on a nice drive, whatever it is, you you let all them emotions out so that when you go to him, you can speak truth to power and your words could be like like a hot knife slicing through butter. Your words can be direct. They're intentional. They still kind respectful, but they're very intentional and directional. Like, it's very real and raw. And just like I said earlier, so you're telling him like, "Hey, I don't appreciate the way that you talked to me or I don't appreciate what you did." And that's not a feeling that I want to continue to feel. And if we're going to go forward, I'm not going to be able to tolerate that. And from there, I'mma tell you something now. It's so it's it's too many different kind of men in the world. Now, yes, we can be lumped in into two conditions of grown boy or grown man, but it's several variations of both. So, from there, Listen, you got to be ready for anything. You got to be ready for the thing. You hear me? Cuz ain't no telling what you going to get. Like Forest Gump said, life is like a box of chocolate. Ain't no telling what you about to get. So with one guy, he's going to be shocked and be like, "Oh, okay. So like what was what about it? What what about it that bothered you?" And like tell me, help me understand this. What about it bother you? And like what what was so wrong about it? And that and that's what you want. Another guy. Oh, well that's good. that. Now you get to see how I feel. Now you can see how I feel. Now you want to come over here talking about what you don't like and all this right there. How you think I be feeling? That's another guy. Another guy. I don't give a such and such what you feel and what you don't like. That's just me. And if you don't like it, then you could go somewhere then. I don't care nothing about what you like and what you don't like. Don't don't get in my face talking about what you like and what you don't like. You pack your stuff and leave in. And this what you got to understand now and this what y'all not ready for. If that man call your bluff, you going to have to let him see snow on the bluff. If he call your bluff, you going to have to stand on it. Cuz if you don't stand on it, you thofa, the rest of your life is done. You're about to go through a fiery furnace of hell for the rest of your life. You your cortisol about to be so high, you f to hate the day you was born. And you f to hate every day that you have lived. and you fa hate every day you gonna live. So pick your battles wisely. Don't just complain about every little thing. That's why that 24hour rule exists. You need time to really think and you need to look at it from every angle before you open your mouth about it. You need to look at it from every angle. You got to look at it from the angle of childhood trauma, adulthood trauma, your ex and what you went through with him, your mama, your daddy, your sensitivity, your insecurity. You got to look at it from every angle to make sure that this is a legitimate concern. This is something that you truly are offended by. It truly hurts you or bothers you. And if it continues, it will destroy you. It will break you. So this is what I mean. Leaving his plate on the table does not count. Leaving the toilet seat up is not one of those things. Leaving his socks or his drawers in the flow is not one of those things. Not taking the trash out is not one of those things. All of those things are preferences. It's pet peeves. So you can't turn that mole hill into a mountain. You can address it, but it need to be something just real light and in passing like, "Hey, I Hey, I had to pick up your plate again today. I love some help with that." "Hey, I went to I went to pee. Almost drowned cuz you left the toilet seat up again. Can we please put the toilet seat down?" Like, it's just in passing. It's not no town hall meeting. It's not no big deal. You're not snapping. You're not yelling. You're not tripping. You're not cussing. It just little little quick sentence. It just in passing. And if he cares enough, if he thoughtful enough, if he got any kind of home training, he'll make the adjustment. He'll get it right. If he doesn't, you got to realize that's who you married or that's who you decide to be with. It ain't going to be the end of the world. What you really want to address is disrespect. him calling you out your name. Him lying to you. Him cheating on you. Him putting hands on you. Him yelling, cussing, screaming, him putting you down in in in public. Him putting you down in private. him just picking on you, antagonizing you, making fun of you, being passive aggressive, being emotionally, spiritually, physically, vi uh financially, socially abusive, any form of abuse, physically, any form of abuse, like you want to address. Those are the things that you put your stake in the ground on and like, uh-uh, I refuse. Not today. Not tomorrow. Yesterday was the last day. I ain't playing. And then I'mma tell you something now. I'mma tell you something now. One thing we will do as men, we will get you up that creek without a paddle. We will get you up that creek without a paddle. and we will get you up that creek and we'll take your paddle, break it across our knee and throw it in the creek. So you ain't got no choice but to be quiet on the creek. And now what you got to realize, understand. So listen to me and this where y'all get broken at. We take you to the point of no return. That for some women is you have no job and you haven't worked in years. That's like my wife. She ain't got no job. She ain't worked in years. For some women it's three kids, four kids, five kids, six kids, whatever. Three or more kids is like a point of no return for for a lot of women. Like that that lady just, you know, killed her kids and then tried to kill herself. Like that's a lot. When you go to have when you done had three kids, anything could happen. Like postpartum could kill you each child. Like our first child was so hard on my wife. Like I saw parts of her I didn't know existed. Like that postpartum is real. And so you got to realize that a man will take you to the point of no return. And so you have to be you got to know that you got to know that if you are up if you If you take and you up the creek or you in the middle of the ocean. You're in the middle of the of the ocean and He try to strand you. You got to have the mentality that you'll jump out of his boat with your children on your bike and you'll wade water till the next boat come. You'll wade water to to a helicopter to see you out the sky. Or you'll put them on your bike and you'll have them kicking their legs and y'all all kicking y'all legs and you swimming back to shore. Come hell or high water. As the saying goes, you getting the shore. If you got to be Gilligan's Island, when you get there, you getting a shore. He have to feel like and to know that you will sleep under a bridge for your respect. That you will eat out of a dirty dumpster for your respect. That you will go back to square one. That you will live in a shelter. You will put your children in out of Cambridge colloquial day school and put them back into Frederick Douglas Elementary on Johnson Plantation and let them go get that slave education. have to walk through metal detectors to get in school and everything. That you don't care. That you will leave any and anybody but your respect. That he going to treat you right and he gonna do you right or you gonna get gone. And he got to live with it. He got to stand on it. He got to see you in court. He got to know that if he don't treat you right, he want to dog you out, mistreat you, you you you f to cry whip for alimony, spousal support, child support. You breaking back. You breaking back and you not playing. He got to know that. And so that's what you got to realize. That what you got to realize. And once you understand that right there, once you get to that place to where you ain't afraid to start over, you ain't afraid to be your own person. you ain't afraid to do what it take to do what you got to do. That's when he's gonna respect you. And I'mma tell you something now. It's some men that are It's some men that's so hardheaded and so lost only God himself can reach that man. Only God himself can break that man. God will have to put that man cross his knee and snap it back in half for him to change. It's some men that was raised so cold only the fire of hell can throw him out. It's it's men out there that exist like that. And I pray that you don't choose that bad. And the way that you can avoid choosing that bad is to be closer to God, to be really in your word, and to pray daily for discernment so that you know what God looks like, what God sound like, what God walk like, talk like, act like. Like you should be able to feel the presence of God on a man. You should be able to feel the anointing on a man, the Holy Spirit in a man's heart. Just not not from his perfection, but from his effort. That's what a lot of people get wrong. Not from his perfection. No man will ever be perfect but from his effort. Is he giving you the effort that you need to see to know that this man wants growth? He wants change. Like right now, it's in it's insecure questions I want to ask my wife. That's all that's always going to be there. As humans, we just we just like that. And it might not be, and it ain't got to be nothing to do with another person. It might be, do you love me? Is the sex good? Was the food good? This right here, like my wife, give a little example, human nature. My wife cooking some food the other day. What she cooking? I can't remember what it was. Um, I was eating some might have was her pasta. Got some in here for for lunch. And she gave me the food and she's standing there and she waiting on me to take a bite. It touched my lip. It ain't got to my tongue yet. How is it? And in my head, I'm like, "Hey, let me taste it. Let can I let me swap it around my mouth a little? Let me get a little mouth action on it. Let me get a little swallow." Well, then I tell you. So I So I ain't even taste it yet and I'm and I'm already lying. It's real good. It's good. Nah, it was good. And then about And then so she get her some food and she sit down and then a couple minutes later she was like, "Is it good? Do you like it?" And and and now I'm getting frustrated because I'm like, do you want me to just sit at your altar and play your harp? Like, do you want to do you want an Argusy dissertation with Cheyenne on how the qualities of the food? Like, this what I'm thinking now. I like but me being her husband I'm I'm like I'm like and she she said how is it you like it? I'm like oh yeah I love this hell no girl. And then sometime and me I'm a little nasty so I might put extra on it like girl make me want to lick you down now. I'll say something like that to kind of shut up because she not like that. So that'll kind of make her be like whatever whatever stop. Uh, stop. Why you got to act like that? Don't Don't act like that. You know, and then she'll she'll be quiet and just But and then she asked me a third time like when I'm almost done with it, she was like, "Was it good? How'd you like it? What did you like the whatever?" And then so as I'm telling her like, "Woo, woo, this thing was good. I might be done hurt myself, girl. I'm be done hurt myself. I'm need two, three more plate." And so, um, we played a full game scrimmage, max intensity, I scored a goal, two W, mixed squads. And um so she as so I answered I'm like yeah but it just made me think I'm like man how much affirmation and praise and support that we need. And then as as as my wife was as she sat down to eat, she started talking about like what she did and how she cooked it. You know, like she chef Boy RD now. My wife learned how to cook in marriage and and you know kids, they they ain't going to spare your feeling. They don't know the decorum. So So it was times to where she almost was in tears for that food having too much salt in it. Cuz my oldest son, he he going to tell you. It's like that video that you any of y'all seen the video where the little boy he get off the bus and he walk up to his mama. Mom sandwich was terrible. Terrible. Like like hey little you just got off the bus. Like be happy you had something to eat little ninja like don't come up. He talking about sales was horrible. He talking about lunch was horrible. It was horrible. I say, "Wow." But so my son used to do that to my wife. Listen, she learn she learned how to season that food after that. And so now she know how to cook. But she learned how to do it. Y'all give him son in the group text. So that's uh one of them things that you got to realize and understand like we always going to feel those little insecure questions, those little things like that. But you got to be able to make sure that you and your partner can selfcorrect. And so like right now my my whole thing my whole move like everything I'm thinking about is peace. like peace. Like especially too cuz my wife birthday coming up and and you know how easy it is to just have a difference of opinion to just have like me and my wife we don't argue but a rift is a rift and it could be just a difference of opinion on our son's youth soccer and it's just still uncomfortable if you're on the other side of the of the fence other side of the tracks about a topic and you just going back and forth with nah I don't agree with that. No, I don't think it's that. No, I don't think it's that. No, I don't think it's that. So, my wife was just talking to me and I'm like, "Okay, she really don't want to hear no feedback." Like, she really she have a narrative in her mind of what the coach is doing and and I'm trying to, you know, show her the other side of it and what it really could be and not let her go down that rabbit hole or whatever because, you know, she she she with our son all the time, our 12-year-old. So she internalized and she feel it like it's her career and cuz she with them. She take them to every training, every practice and all of that and she love watching them play and all of that. And so I'm trying to tell her but then I realized like okay she's stuck on this and so I so I just left it long cuz in my head I said to myself, do you want to hear my opinion or no? Like do do you want to hear feedback or no? or you just want to be stuck in what you thinking is right. Now, you could say that in a in a situation, but if you know that your person is not confrontational and you know it's going to make them shut down, then you shouldn't say it. And so, you have to learn your person. And and so I just said, you know, okay, she could just be talking just to vent. She don't want feedback. She don't want a solution. Tony, you don't have to always be Mr. Fix It. And so this is just how I talk to myself. And I'm always self-correcting. Like I'm always seeking growth and trying to to learn and adjust. And then what I notice is when I create a space of peace to where I'm not arguing about stuff that's not worth arguing about. I ain't bringing nothing up. I'm still a man. I'm still going to address serious stuff, but I realize it's never really nothing serious to address. So, if I'm not speaking from annoyance or insecurity or just being a buttthead, then it's nothing to talk about that's going to cause a riff that's going to put her on the defense or anything like that. So, you'll learn once you nip stuff in the bud and you you get it right, you get it to where you need it to be, you're not going to have to keep going over the stuff and going through it. You're going to be able to to deal with it, address it, and get past it. Y'all forgive my son in the group chat. And so that's what you have to realize. And here's the thing. You don't want to be nagging Nancy. So that's what I mean by picking and choosing your battles, like not making a big deal out of stuff. I was showering, my wife had hair in the drain. I picked up the hair out the drain or whatever. Shower started to get backed up cuz I guess enough hair had to went in the drain, but I didn't even mention it, you know. I didn't even mention it. And then she was showering and she was seeing that it was kind of backing up and then she realized that's her hair cuz I ain't got no hair and and then I was like yeah it had did that the other day I was trying to get the hair out the drain or whatever and she like oh okay and then now she you know she know she got to go buy some draano but I could have just even something that simple could have came out hey why you getting your hand in the drain? Why I mean what you bought the hair thing? The hair catcher for and it's still on the kitchen table still in the bathroom put up on the on the walls to catch your hair. Nah, what we doing with that n could have made a big deal about it but I didn't. And that's what I mean. So you want to pick and choose because you going to have personality differences. You're going to have things that you go through. You're going to have things you got to deal with. You're going to have those situations. You can't get caught up to where you dealing with stuff. You got to be able to do different. Oh, wow. Y'all forgiving my my old driver that had moved away is recommending me to a new Power. Let's see. So, y'all think about this now. Give me one second here. And get this in your spirit. And I'm going to tell you something. You got to find that through line. So, one thing I've learned as a man and living life and dealing with people. It's my son texting. Is you got to be able to say what needs to be said without saying too much. without saying the wrong thing, saying it the wrong way. And you got to speak from where your heart is and what you're feeling. And you can't run from your feelings. You can't run from the truth, but you can't take yourself too serious. And anytime you get ready to speak, you got to ask yourself, where is this coming from? If it's coming from insecurity, don't say it. If it's coming from fear, don't say it. If it's coming from anger, don't say it. If it's coming from jealousy, don't say it. It should only come from love or self-love. Self-love is also self-preservation. So, love or self love. Love for them and or love for yourself. So, if it's something you got to address for yourself because what they're doing will destroy you or break you or hurt you or crush you or do any of those things to the relationship overall, it has to be addressed. If it's not that serious, leave it alone. Leave it alone. Some women got mad at me one time, long time ago when I was talking about how one time my wife kind of yelled at me at the baseball game and then we got in the car. I had to check and I told her, "Don't ever in your life talk to me like that again." And they was they was upset with how I said it. And it's like that just come from because you never had a real man. You never had a man that going to tell you how he feel. Because in those situations, a lot of men, they'll put hands on you or they'll just t they tell and they'll go cheat on you. A man don't let nothing go now. So, you got to learn to appreciate him expressing himself to you and him telling you how he feel. Because if he's not, then he's cheating on you. He's not just internalized and just going to deal with it. If he feel disrespected or mistreated or overlooked or misunderstood, he he g he's handling it some type of way. And for a lot of men, that means watching corn and dealing with Handela or going out and physically relieving that stress or that anger or that tension or whatever with another woman. And as unfortunate as that may be, that's the truth of the matter and that's what happens. And you got to realize and understand that. And a lot of people don't. They don't want to. They don't want to hear that. They don't want to believe that. But that's just the truth of the matter. And so, got to get to that place to where you can understand that and be able to express your mind, but also let him express his mind. And then y'all decide what to major in and what to minor in. And then you come to terms. You meet in the middle. You negotiate. You work together and you make it work. You figure it out and you make it work. But hey, this Tony Gins as you know. I want you in the Purpose Pushers community. We having a lot of live calls. When you go in there, you get a 7-day free trial. Don't do it if it's out of your budget and or you're not pursuing purpose. Don't come in trying to promote stuff and trying to take advantage of the group or none of that. You'll get kicked out with a quickness. Y'all already know by now. Play no games. And so, if you want a community, you want to be a part of something, you serious about it, you're intentional, then support. come on in, join the crew that we have a calendar on there. So, you'll see the calendar where you can click that and you see whatever calls and stuff coming up. Some stuff is added day of. So, you know, I always check back in the middle of the day on your lunch break cuz if I'm adding it, I typically add it in the morning when I wake up at 5:00 a.m. And I wake up and work for an hour or so and then I go back to sleep. And I typically sleep till 9:00 a.m. Then I wake up again and get back to it. But my body wake me up at 5:00 a.m. So, I just going to get on up and do do some work, send out my email, do my sub stack, what have you. But join us. You're going to hear me say that almost every video. Any video that I remember, you're going to hear you. So you so you gonna get tired of it. So you might as well go ahead and join us. Start tapping into your purpose. Start living your purpose. But hey, God bless you. I'm gonna get in this group chat with my son because he talking up with me and my wife. But God bless you. We'll talk soon.