Video summary
Brett Cooper addresses the significant criticism she received for keeping her relationship private for an extended period, noting that many felt entitled to information about her dating life despite her public persona. She contrasts this scrutiny with Alex Cooper's ability to maintain a long-term relationship and marriage while openly discussing casual sex on *Hot Ones* for four years without facing similar backlash or accusations of deception. Brett argues that she intentionally drew a line in the sand regarding which parts of her personal life would be shared, aiming to present herself as a human being rather than just a face behind a microphone. However, she acknowledges that this approach led some viewers who felt they had access to her world through her content to feel betrayed when their expectations were not met by an actual romantic connection with the host. The core of Brett's argument revolves around the difficulty of maintaining healthy relationships as a public figure and how sharing too much can distort reality for both partners. She cites high-profile examples, such as NFL players Tiana and Cody who broke up shortly after engagement due to intense media scrutiny and fan speculation fueled by their joint social media accounts. Brett emphasizes that once people become invested in someone's life through constant updates on platforms like TikTok or Instagram, any relationship issues are magnified, leading millions of outsiders to dig into private matters and spread lies before the couple can address them. Consequently, she believes there is a necessary "Goldilocks zone" where enough information is shared to be satisfying but not so much that it invites invasive public dissection. Her partner was instrumental in her decision-making process regarding privacy, as he explicitly refused to watch her show or engage with her content before their dates to ensure they could connect without the crutch of knowing each other's on-screen personas. He wanted conversations based solely on who Brett is off-camera and not influenced by what she had discussed in previous episodes. This dynamic created a unique power structure where, contrary to typical media narratives about public figures dating private individuals, Brett felt it was her responsibility to protect him from the internet's tendency to latch onto personal details once they were revealed. When online detectives eventually found his identity through old college photos and frat party clips shortly after she announced their engagement, the situation became serious enough that she consulted with her security team about how best to manage the exposure while respecting his desire for privacy. To resolve the tension between public interest and private dignity, Brett decided to share information about him in a controlled, tasteful manner through high-end publications like *Conservator*, an alternative digital magazine run by friends of hers who produce content comparable to *Vogue*. By framing their wedding coverage around her values and intentions rather than sensationalizing his identity, she aimed to settle the narrative before internet detectives could create damaging stories about him. She clarifies that while he is not a public figure in front of cameras, he owns his own business and works hard; however, at home, they maintain traditional gender roles where he leads the household and family life. Brett concludes that this separation between her online persona and their domestic reality does not constitute hypocrisy but rather represents a genuine commitment to protecting one another from the pressures of fame while honoring mutual respect within their partnership.
Read the full video transcript
I got a lot of flack for keeping my
relationship private for as long as I
did cuz I did why did you get Flack
about it people they felt like they were
owed information about my dating life I
think meanwhile Alex Cooper is able to
get in a long-term relationship whilst
talking about the virtue of casual sex
for four years gets married says that
the proposal was brilliant in a Rose
Garden got down on one knee and there's
just this wake of hundreds of thousands
of girls who've been like it's insane
conned by this she never got uh the
requisite sort of Call to Arms that I
think was needed for that
like this chick who's been the Forefront
of a big like one of her first few
episodes is about the glug glug 5000
like some blow job like episode uh
meanwhile she is secretly having a
relationship that turns into an
engagement that turns into a marriage
and it's so beautiful and I really
really feel you're like what the [ __ ]
was all of that what was this part of
the work that you just did and that was
one of the bits where I thought you know
you want to talk about female privilege
no one called her to account no for that
no one yeah and I think that's not
people put me in the same camp as that
but I think that they they probably all
of those episodes about low jobs that
you just keep on doing ex won't shut up
yeah I know all my you
know I hook up gold episodes um so I
understand that they you know it's the
internet My Generation influencers in my
generation they give a lot of their
private life they they have a lot of
access to us and I made sure when I
started the show when I created the
Channel I didn't you know I was drawing
a Line in the Sand with parts of my life
and parts of my personal life I didn't
want to obviously get access to
everything but I wanted them to know who
I was as an individual outside of just
me sitting in front of a microphone I
think that's really really important
especially if you're trying to bring
people over from the other side being
able to level with them um so I'm not
just a face on a screen I'm a you know a
human being who's going through what
you're going through and I wanted to
make sure that I did that but there were
also parts of my life that I wanted to
keep private and so you know I only said
that I was with somebody when he
proposed and I you know posted a photo
of our engagement I was like well now
this is real and I had a lot of people
you know I still have memes on my
anytime I post on Instagram it's men
still posting like she's gone yes um
it's kind of become a the it's over boys
uh like Trend was so good sneo so upset
yeah it was funny it was good but um so
I understand that they felt like they
had access to me and then there was such
a significant part of my life that I
didn't share but it was very intentional
it's also not Central to your content no
exactly and I didn't and contrary to
what Alex Cooper was doing I wasn't
saying you know don't have a serious
relationship don't get married all the
while I'm like he here I am like I'm
going to Tri you all and get married I
also wasn't and I think this might be
kind of where that hurt came in was that
I believe that there were men out there
who watched my content that felt like
maybe they had a chance or it's like
this was the ideal um and I would see
those comments and I want to say that
without being like tooting my own horn
it's just kind of that's it's what I saw
and I've been told that um I I think
they felt betrayed in that regard of
like she let us you know but I never
never intentionally did that like I
never said oh you know you could have a
chance to date me if you wanted to it
was just like you kind of you know you
had this idea of me um but I'm very very
glad that I kept it private I think it's
very difficult to date and have a
relationship when you're a public figure
it's very hard to kind of pick and
choose what stays private and as we were
talking about at the beginning with
dating it's hard it's even harder when
you're a public figure and when you
don't really have any experience doing
this and you know you're meeting
somebody in person for the first time my
first time being famous too yeah yeah
exactly um and it's just you know there
was not a road map for that but there's
a there's a equivalent I think for
everyone you know it doesn't matter
whether you're in some Ivory Tower
behind Ben Key's production door talking
talking to a few million people or
you're just a normal person with 3,000
followers on Instagram if you start
posting a lot about your relationship
other people will become invested in it
it disorganizes and it SKS the way that
you see yourself and his expectations
and the priorities it's very like I I
mean the people who are just dating in
relationships and start these like
relationship Tik toks there's a what's
that like their couple Tik toks like
they have joint accounts and they do
like relationship content and not like
here's how to get a good man and date
it's just like we're doing couple
strands and this is us going our
day-to-day lives like there's one
there's a big breakup race recently on
Tik Tok I think her name is Tiana his
name is Corey or Cody he's an NFL player
they just got engaged but people have
been able to track their entire
relationship on Tik Tok and they always
do you know Trends she's at every NFL
game they were like o you know the Tik
Tock it couple they broke up right after
they got engaged nobody knows what
happened drama the I mean Tik Tok blew
up for days and are now attacking him
attacking her what happened saying
making up all these lies saying that he
was an Abus her or actually he Che on
her so now she has to come on and say
that didn't happen sometimes
relationships just fall apart but now
you have literally millions about
millions of people deep diving what
happened I mean I do that because youve
brought me into your life and now I
seeed I know tell me to not be invested
watch what we're doing but now stop
watching what we're doing therey care
about what we're doing but now stop care
yeah there was a guy who made a video
about this and he was like if you're
going to be in a public relationship and
you know get us invested if you break up
we deserve to know why because otherwise
we're going to go dig and I was like I
agree with that like just say but um I
agree but then I'm also like the person
that's on the other side of the camera
I'm like I don't want to do that so
that's why you do have to be very
careful about like what what door am I
going to open up so I like slightly
opened it up when we got engaged based
on his comfort level and he kind of
wanted to like tiptoe he's very very
private does not want to be on camera
does not care um that's one of the
things I love most about him is he does
not care that I'm some public figure
when we started dating he would
intentionally never watch my show never
and I would always be like want like
don't you want it do you like the show
like do you support me and he was like
no I don't want to think of you as the
girl on the screen I want to get to know
Brett that I go on dates with you know
who I get to spend time with off of you
know off camera another thing that he
said that I just thought was so I'm so
glad he did this he was like I want to
make sure that we can hold a
conversation and talk about things that
you haven't just talked about on your
show he was like it would have been so
easy for me just to watch your show and
we go on a dinner date later that night
and go oh so you were talking about you
know XYZ and you did another episode
about that what did you think like that
was just kind of a crutch I was like I
wanted to make sure that prep for the
date was watching your episode yes yeah
like I'm going to get ready and so he
never watched it
um and I'm so grateful for that and so
he you know you know I don't think he
never set out to like date a public
figure or want to be with one and so I
wanted to be very careful and respectful
like respectful to him and what he wants
and what he's getting into by being with
me and so then by cracking that door
open I saw the starsan effect you know
in real time cuz I hadn't shown his face
I hadn't talked about him had not said
his name anything about him just said
you know fall in love with this guy love
him to death I'm getting married did an
episode about it on comment section
where I just said you know this has
happened this is why I kept it private I
intend to keep it you know private
moving forward oh my God they just
latched in it was like the internet
detectives just went they found out who
he was within two months and found yes
and it was not like oh here's his
LinkedIn with his photo that I think is
like you know he looks so handsome
whatever it was like photos of him as a
sophomore in college dressed up as a hot
dog at some frat party and here he is
like dancing on stage when he's the best
man at his friend's wedding he's
definitely had a couple beers and he's
like on stage dancing and they were like
oh look at this you know whatever they
immediately found him found his family
created stories about him there were so
many Reddit posts of like you know well
he's going to destroy your life I know
these kinds of guys and they knew
nothing about him and so at that point
we had a conversation I talked with the
guys on my security team CU at that
point I was genuinely concerned cuz they
had found out so much about him and we
made the decision together I was like I
would rather be ahead of this and you
know you're the person that I love and I
want to protect you and I want to you
know kind of present you to the world
which sounds so weird and it's so odd
that you know you kind have to think
about that and I did and so when we got
married my friends who run the
conservator which is just an amazing
digital magazine um kind of trying to be
the alternative to Teen Vogue and 17 and
I mean honestly even not even Teen Vogue
just Vogue they do really really high
caliber
stuff the girls who run that are good
friends of mine and so I asked them you
know will you cover the wedding because
I know people are going to be interested
they're going to have questions about
you know what trust did he wear what he
do whatever they're want to know about
him and I want this to be done in a very
tasteful way that represents our values
and what we wanted this day to
commemorate and why we did our wedding
the way that we did and then share
information about him just so that it's
like it's settled basically so it's out
there no more St an effect digging um so
interesting that there's this sort of
Sweet Spot between not enough
information not enough means that people
are going to go digging too much
information means they start to get
invested and there's this weird
habitable goldilock zone in the Middle
St it's enough to be satisfying and not
so much that it's no longer boring yes
and uh yeah I mean it must be
interesting as well uh having the power
Dynamic the other way you know typically
it's guy out front
with at and it's very yeah this one the
I think
it's it's an interesting Dynamic but
it's not weird and it hasn't been a
problem and I think a lot of people
assume that it is and also I talk about
you know traditional gender roles and
Trad and so people look at me and
they're like well you don't have that
cuz you work and your husband's not in
front of the camera doesn't mean he
doesn't work like he you know owns his
own business he's very successful he's
just private
um but just because I'm out front and
he's not like our relationship at home
again separating the Brett online from
the Brett that goes home to him every
night like that's very traditional like
he's still the head of our household
like I still I mean Revere and respect
him trust him to Lead Me And Lead our
family
um it's traditional in that sense and
that I think is more important than
having him you know be the more
superficial figure in like an image like
aesthetic of a traditional in other news
this episode is brought to you by Maui
Nei venison Maui Nei venison brings the
healthiest red meat on the planet
directly to your door tastes incredible
it's not too gy and it is super easy to
cook plus because I'm always traveling
their venison staks make it incredibly
easy to avoid all of the horrible
airport food and hit my protein goals
and feel good about doing it not only do
they provide the most nutrient-dense and
protein dense red meat on the planet
they're the only stress-free 100% wild
harvested red meat available I first
heard about Maui Nei from people like
Tim Ferris and Andrew hman and Peter AA
and I love the fact that I'm able to
support such an incredible company run
by a husband and wife co-founder so you
can get the healthiest red meat on the
planet delivered directly to your door
by going to the link in the show notes
below and get 20% off your first order
by going to Mau venison docomo wisdom
using the code modern wisdom a checkout
that's M aui Nui venison docomond wisdom
and modern wisdom a checkout thank you
very much for tuning in if you enjoyed
that clip you will love the full length
podcast with Brett which is available
right
here go on what are you waiting for