Video summary
Matthew Hussey addresses the rising trend of women choosing not to have children, noting a shift in societal attitudes where this choice is becoming more accepted than in previous generations. While he acknowledges that stigma still exists for those who do not want kids, he observes that fewer people feel pressured by it now compared to before. However, he highlights a concerning demographic reality: approximately 80% of women who end up childless did not intend to be so, often due to biological factors or the "slow life strategy" where they delay parenthood while pursuing careers and education. This delay frequently results in missed fertility windows; Hussey cites data suggesting that about 10% are physiologically incapable, another 10% intentionally choose no children, leaving four out of five women who wanted kids but could not due to timing issues or the complications of waiting too long for a partner. The discussion extends to men facing similar biological constraints as they age, with sperm counts and viability declining over time if one waits indefinitely before starting a family. Hussey expresses deep concern regarding current cultural movements that seem to demonize motherhood, framing it as settling down or becoming second-class citizens rather than celebrating the choice. He criticizes viral content from figures like Chelsea Handler, which portrays single life in later years—such as smoking weed and eating croissants—as an ideal alternative to parenting. Hussey argues that while individual choices are valid, promoting a narrative where having children is presented negatively ignores the reality for many women who desperately want families but face biological barriers or relationship challenges after cycling through multiple partners without success. A significant portion of the conversation focuses on the dangers of financial dependence in relationships and the importance of maintaining independence before making life-altering decisions about love and family. Hussey emphasizes that while he supports a woman's right to walk away from an abusive situation, true freedom comes from having enough resources not to need a man financially. He warns against the cultural pressure on men who feel they should "live it up" without settling down too soon, noting that just because one *can* delay does not mean one *should*. The core message is that individuals must quiet external noise and honestly assess what kind of life brings them happiness, rather than blindly following societal mandates to either maximize career success or avoid responsibility. Ultimately, Hussey concludes that every person faces a critical juncture where they must decide if the potential costs of pursuing more freedom are worth it given their limited time on earth. He shares his personal journey with co-host Audrey, admitting he once felt terrified by the idea of children but eventually realized that having them feels right despite the sacrifices involved in work and lifestyle changes. This decision-making process requires honest self-reflection rather than succumbing to fear or societal expectations. The episode ends with a strong assertion against demonizing either parents or non-parents, urging society to support those grieving lost fertility while respecting genuine choices made by individuals who have achieved both financial stability and emotional clarity regarding their life's path.
Read the full video transcript
speaking of kids we're seeing more and
more women
not having children
is this something that you're noticing a
women saying that they don't intend on
having families that are in the groups
that you work with
I don't see that but I have to assume
there's a that has to be true on some
level if you take a society where
it's less
there's I won't say it's not frowned
upon at all because there's a kind of no
matter how far we've come there's always
going to be families and Societies in
which women have to deal with the fact
that something must be wrong with you if
you don't want to have kids something
must be wrong with you if that's not in
your path or that hasn't happened for
you they're always going to face that
from somewhere
but to a far lesser extent than before
and if it's to a far lesser extent than
before then naturally you're going to
have people who never wanted kids or
don't feel like they want to be that's
not their path who are going to feel
more comfortable actually following that
so I have no doubt that number must have
risen but
you know the
a huge proportion of of my audience are
people who
would like to find a relationship and
part of what they would part of what
they want and their dream is to find
someone that they love to have kids with
like that's
the I think probably
I don't have data on this
but I
I would imagine
that because
women are pushing it later
which can either be which is a kind of
combination of pursuing careers societal
expectations not being the same or being
looser and
and even just the availability of egg
freezing and other methods that there's
a kind of feeling of I can
delay this but I know from first-hand
experience with not only women but on my
podcast
um love life we had two fertility
doctors who came on and talked about
this
that there are a lot of people who just
kind of there's a almost a feeling of oh
well I'll get to it and but
so the we all know that in life the when
we just decide we're now going to do
something life doesn't always cooperate
and if we're leaving the time until
later if women especially are leaving
the time till later where they suddenly
decide like
okay now I'm gonna do this and they
haven't met someone yet and they've got
to go through three more
guys that don't pan out to get to the
one that does
that that can I've seen I've seen a lot
a lot a lot of people end up grieving as
a result of that and by the way the same
is true of a lot of men who assume
mistakenly that they're good
um good I can wait and wait and wait and
wait and wait and then it comes down to
it and their sperm count is too low or
you know uh the what's the I don't know
what the medical term is for slow
swimmers but you know it's that they're
not they're not in a place of fertility
where it's their sperm is viable in the
way that they thought it would be they
thought oh I'm I'm the done deal part of
this equation
or they have more complications because
they waited a long time you know which
is that seems to reflect the data that
I've seen so a very very large chunk of
women who make it to adulthood break
through the fertility window and don't
have kids didn't intend to not have kids
it's around about eight out of ten women
who end up being childless that didn't
intend right to be childless right about
10 of women physiologically uncapable
incapable run up by 10 of women intended
to not have kids which leaves four out
of five
that didn't and the word grief which is
what you used is precisely correct that
they grieve for families that they never
had and the support groups Jody day uh
who runs one of the biggest in the world
is coming on the show in a couple of
weeks time and uh it's it's it's wild
and I one of the concerns that I do have
at the moment is this current Trend that
we're seeing of
um
demonizing motherhood I would say in
some regard that
um you know the newly acquired
Liberation that women have had to be
able to go and achieve a career and get
education and employment status and all
of this stuff is is phenomenal
but to see that as if you choose to be a
mother that's you
settling you're choosing to be a
second-class citizen in some regard and
you know for every culture there is a
Counter Culture movement for every
patriarchal stay in the kitchen you're
not supposed to go and go to university
college and get a career there is now a
movement I mean Chelsea Handler I don't
know whether you've seen the videos that
she's been putting out the trending
online it's a video of like what it's
like to be a woman in her 50s who
doesn't have a family and for Chelsea
Handler she very well may be the right
person she may have made the complete
right life choice she talks about how
she's going to get on rare find a guy
for tonight smoke weed masturbate fall
back asleep fly to Paris buy a croissant
and I'm like
is this really the [ __ ] future that
most women aspire to have masturbation
and croissant yeah it was blazed out of
your mind she did a clap back video a
couple of days ago where she was pouring
an entire bottle of Gray Goose into what
looked like a massive NutriBullet flask
I was thinking to myself like you're an
adult infant like you're like you're the
same of The Man Child that you would
accuse men of being and my concern is
that given the fact that we know the
largest metro analysis that's ever been
done
said eight out of ten women who end up
not having kids didn't intend to not
have kids
were already fighting against slow life
strategy which is what you mentioned
sort of pushing that fertility window
out
we're already making it it's difficult
to you may need to cycle through a
number of Partners before you can find
the right person to end up settling down
and having kids with
I don't disagree
that some dystopian [ __ ] handmaid's
tale-esque scenario where you're forcing
women into the bedroom so that they can
pump out babies that's wrong
but given the fact that 8 out of ten
women say that they wanted to have kids
and couldn't it's also really wrong to
tell women that they shouldn't be having
kids or that having kids is settling or
that
they become a a domestic prostitute if
they choose to do that and this is a
trend that is really really picking up
steam there's a tick tock called girl
with a list have you seen this no the
girl who printed out a list of 350
reasons as to why she didn't want to
have kids and it goes all the way from
can't wear cute heels anymore to baby is
literally a parasite inside of me to all
manner of like and it's got millions and
millions and millions of tags and plays
on Tick Tock and I'm like
I don't disagree that this is
interesting content that's going to grab
attentions and headlines
but the real world outcome of this in 15
years time when the 28 year old girls
that are watching this
a bit older is
concerning to me what I hear in all of
this
is it's a kind of version of what men go
through in a different way
where if we're not careful we're we're
sold
the life that we should have and if you
take
you know we talked about the percentage
of guys that feel overlooked
if you take the opposite end of the
spectrum the guys that have an enormous
amount of choice
many of them
will be sold culturally on this idea
that if you can
you should you should sleep with as many
people as possible you should live it up
you should you know just
don't don't settle anytime soon delay
delay delay
and
that
you have to be a pretty strong person
to go
I don't think that's the answer
just because I can
it doesn't mean I should and I'm not
even saying that from a moral or ethical
place I'm for myself selfishly just
because I can
it doesn't mean that's going to make me
happy
and
women will you know they already do find
themselves in a place where they're
having to really get in touch with what
they
want
and try to
shut out the noise
and I I find myself
I find myself very conflicted
on this because
there's nothing I
there's nothing I hate more than the
idea of a woman who
doesn't have the independence herself
to be able to walk away
because I've seen that and I've seen the
utter destruction of lives where women
don't have enough financial Independence
or or the ability to continue with a job
or a business
and so that that man has something he's
holding over her the whole time and it
is the Mandate for abuse
those relationships
um
so on one hand I the idea of
you know
kind of saying motherhood should be
celebrated I agree with but
I know if I had a daughter
I would want her to never be in a
position where she needed a man
financially
where she was always going to be okay on
her own because that's power
past that point
that's when you have to start getting
really honest with yourself and saying
do I need more
if I've already got my Independence and
now I can choose for love and I can stay
for love instead of staying out of fear
it is more necessary
and everyone faces that at some point in
their life I mean guys face that all the
time it's getting in touch with yourself
and going what do I actually want
in my life you could just keep going and
going and going and going you have the
potential you have the ability you have
everything you've got a winning hand
right you could just keep going
it's an interesting question we all have
to ask at some point which is what does
what's good for me what kind of Life do
I actually want because of course I
could keep going more is all available
always available but more time isn't
and and I think that's
when I look at
women in motherhood I just think
is trying to quiet the noise
going what is it I actually
want with my life I've had to do that me
and Audrey have had to really think
about what do we want with our lives
like what's what kind of Life are we
looking for how much does that involve
us working what's going to make us
happier at the end of the day I it's no
secret like when I thought I for most of
my life when I thought about kids I was
like sweating
just oh my God this is terrifying I
don't know like I've got friends of mine
who from the age of 22 male friends of
mine who are like
I'm I want kids I know it I want to be I
spoke to Matthew McConaughey a week ago
and he was like I always know my biggest
dream was to be a dad I cannot relate
[Applause]
but
when Audrey and I sit down we're like we
look at all of it and and we go
yeah like this feels right it feels
right to do this I don't know when like
we'll figure that out that's between us
but this feels like something
this feels like it's really important to
us even if it cost us
in other ways and it will cost us in
other ways but those those are like
really adult calculations and I
I think everyone has to make them and
that demonization of people is a is a
bad thing of course we'll get back to
talking to Matthew in one minute but
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