WHS Theatre Presents: "Maid to Order" (2025 Fall Play)

tonight. Um the kids have worked really really hard on this play and I think it's I think it's pretty good. Um I remember the very first time that I stood on this stage. It was a very long time ago and I won't say exactly how long, but I was a freshman in high school. I had about 10 lines. I don't remember them, but what I do remember is that feeling that I had the first time I heard the audience laugh and I never got over it. I have a whole pack of freshman up here tonight. Kids that have never been on the stage before. Um, most of them are freshman. I have two sophomore boys. One of them has been on the stage before. We have one veteran. That's it tonight. And I want you to keep that in mind when you watch the play tonight because I don't think I don't think they look too much like noviceses. I think they've done a really good job. I'm so proud of them and I can't imagine what they're going to be like in a few years if they stay with it. I also have a whole bunch of people that I need to thank like our families that donated things. Um, I had a very generous donor. I had people help build the set. I had people help with the sound system. I could not have done this without all of those people. And we would not be up here giving this presentation tonight if we hadn't had all that help. And so, thank you. OUT [applause] in the spring. If you if you enjoy it tonight, please come back in the spring because our spring play will be bigger, lots more kids in it. And it's uh what's it called, guys? >> OH, TOO MANY GHOSTS. TOO MANY GHOSTS. And it's hilarious. So, we're really looking forward to that one, too. Um, we're going to spend as long as I stay up here working hard to bring this program as high as we can because the kids really love it and I really love it and I think it's going to do great things. So, without further ado, we'll get going. [applause] Oh, Sarah, I believe you missed a spot. >> Oh, did I? >> Down further. Further? That's the spot of business. >> Gerald. >> Yes, Mommy. >> Keep your Philly feet off that table. Janice. >> Yes, ma'am. What time is it?4 to 6, ma'am. Quarter to 6. Oh my. They'll be here shortly. Bethany. >> Yes, ma'am. I want everything in this house to be in tiptop shape. If so much as a single hair is out of place, I SWEAR TO YOU, I >> WHAT? >> OH, SORRY, DARLING. Mom is a teensy See, we have a very important guest coming this. So, everything must be perfect. Got it? >> Yes, ma'am. Splendid. Janice. >> Yes, ma'am. >> Very, very important. What do you think of my dress? Is it too much? No, not at all, ma'am. It's perfect. >> Perfect. Perfect. I can do better than perfect. I shall return shortly. Do not disappoint me. >> So, Sarah, we're finally alone. You know, I'd be willing to ask mother to give you a pay raise if you'd be willing to do a little extra work just for me. >> Sir, I I don't What's that, ma'am? Sarah, Mrs. Malager would like to see you upstairs when you finish dusting the tables. >> She still has a little more to clean. >> It looks clean to me, sir. >> I guess I just have good eyes. >> Sarah, Mrs. Malager is calling you. >> I didn't hear anything. >> I guess I just have good ears. Go on, Sarah. You don't want Mrs. Malager to get too upset. Is there anything I can help you with, SIR? >> GET BACK to work. >> The coast is clear. >> Thank you, Bethany. Gerald's getting more and more persistent, and I'm running out of excuses to leave. Don't worry, he won't get far as long as I'm around. You're not the first maid he's made a move on, and you sure won't be the last. >> I just wish he wouldn't sneak up on me. He's given me more heart attacks than heart flutters. >> He has to sneak up on you. No girl with time to think would come within 2 feet of him. It's a good thing you can smell from 10 ft away. >> Relax. You've lasted here longer than the last remaining. She was gone in a month. >> I've only been working here for 3 weeks. >> Oh, well, I'm sure you'll be fine. >> Bethany, can I have to stay away? Hey sir, how you doing? >> James, what are you doing here? >> Well, I was in the neighborhood. I fig I'd pop in and say a quick hello. Say, nice place. >> James, what are you doing in the Upper East Side? You can't even afford a hot dog here. >> I was just visiting a friend of mine. >> Please tell me it wasn't that lone shark again. James, I really don't think >> Sarah. I'm offended. >> Well, were you? Yes, but you see, let's have a fun. I want to see Mr. Canon because I took his money and made wads with it. >> James, that's great. And >> I spend it making a surefire hit. I call the spatula. Park each time. Park spatula. Get it spatul later. >> Oh, James. >> Well, I want to see Mr. C. I asked him for more time cuz I told him told him tragic tale of our sigly young sister and how I needed the money for her operation. See sir, she's all I got left in without her life just isn't worth living and let a single tear fall from my eye. She's please sir she's all got left in me >> and >> and she chased me up and down the street. No sir, she just see me. I was leap dodging text and leaping over food carts. Getting pretty good at it. Gee, I'm so proud. You still haven't told me why you're here. >> Well, it's kind of long. I'm leaving. >> What do you mean leaving? >> Getting on the 9:45 train. 10 subs later, I'll start a new life. >> Oh, okay. Are you insane? >> Maybe. That's why I needed help. I was wondering if maybe perhaps you let me stay here for a while just until it gets dark and sneak out unnoticed. James, I really don't think that it would be good. >> Please, sir, I'm on my knees here. You set yourself. This house is big enough to get lost in. So, Mr. Cam is going to kill me. >> That's an exaggeration. >> I wish it was. >> What am I supposed to do, James? >> Don't worry, I'll figure it out. I swear. Please. >> Not a soul know that. >> Sarah, I Who's this? Not a soul, huh? Another man. Sarah, you work fast. >> Wait, no. I'm her brother and you are. >> James, this is my friend Bethany. Bethany, this is my brother, James. He was just leaving. >> Pleasure is all mine. Said Bethany, you don't mind if I stay here for a while, would you? >> No, not at all. >> Well, this is precious. Might I remind you that if Mrs. Maliger finds you here and us not working, she may just die screaming? >> Would that really be so bad? >> She sure doesn't mind. I don't think can stay. >> Please, >> please. Oh, fine. But hi. Don't make a sound. Don't touch anything. And most importantly, I know nothing about this. James, we both know I can't lie to save my life. >> All right, guess we go take a nap to cover something. >> May I suggest the upstairs linen closet? It's roomy. Go down the hall on the right. Make a left. Go up the stairs. Make a right. And it should be the second door on the left. >> All righty. I'm off. >> Gerald. Gerald. Where did she run off to? >> Is everything in order, girl? >> Yes, ma'am. >> And wonderful. Where is that boy? >> What boy? There's no boy. What makes you think there's a boy? >> You called mother. >> Ah, yes, dear. Come take a seat with mommy. >> Janice, dear. Yes, ma'am. Just what do you think you're doing? >> I'm Get out. >> Of course. Run away. >> Now, darling, I have something very, very important to discuss with you. You see, it's been so long since your father's passing. Well, your mommy has needs. >> Oh, mother. I >> You see, the guest coming this gig is a very, very old friend of a very good friend of mine. That's why your mommy dearest wants to make a very good impression on him. Well, with all your father's passing and all, God rest his soul. That I was hoping was well that perhaps I could see him more often. Oh, what am I saying? >> Mother, I >> don't me here. There's no way you could approve. No one could ever replace your father in my heart. So, how could I expect you to accept him in your heart? Oh, I'm sorry if I brought this up. >> Mother, I understand. >> I knew you. What? >> So, he's your boyfriend? >> I guess if you want to consider my boyfriend. Oh, it sounds so silly. >> Oh, mommy. As you said, it has been a very, very long time. >> Oh, Gerald, you don't know how wonderful it is to hear you say that. Now, more importantly, what do you think of my dress? Is it too casual? >> It's very nice, mother. >> Very nice? That's hardly any better than perfect. Janice, >> you told me this dress was perfect. Gerald here tells me it's very nice. Which one is it, Janice? >> Well, I >> spit it out. >> I think it's perfect. >> You think? You think? Do you want to embarrass me, Janice? >> Of course not, man. >> No. Then get upstairs and find me something better than very nice before I find a new assistant. Someone with this in fashion. Of course, run away. Oh, and Gerald, don't forget to wash up. Come over here. >> What are you two doing? Um, we were I >> There was a fly. A very large fly. You don't want your guests to think your house is dirty, do you? >> Dirty? >> No. You're fine. >> As I was saying. Oh, where was I? Ah, wash up. We'll be here any minute. >> Yes, mother. >> Splendid. >> No need to keep looking. You've already caught it. >> I'm sorry. >> No, no. You're supposed to say caught what, Gerald? >> Okay. Caught what, Gerald? >> My heart. >> Sarah, you have something on your shoulder. >> Do I? >> My arm. >> Sarah, Miss Ner like to see you upstairs. >> Oh. Um. All right. Now, >> Stephanie. Um, yes, Master. >> Come take a seat next to me. >> What? >> Come on, come sit. Don't be shy. [snorts] If >> I ask you to be completely honest with me, forget that you're my mate and your opinions really don't matter. Could you tell me what you think of me? >> Oh, I think that could be done. Now, maybe I'm just overthinking the whole situation, but it seems almost as if and call me crazy, but almost as if Sarah doesn't like me. >> Really? Wherever did you get that idea? >> I know. Insanity, but something tells me that. >> Do you want the truth? >> Very much so. >> I'm willing to enjoy this. How do I put this lightly? You're the most disgusting man I've ever met. You smell of bad breath and very expensive, very useless cologne. To top that, your smell matches your personality. You're rude. You're rash. You're abrasive. >> Why doesn't Sarah like me? >> Oh, well, who knows? >> Oh, Tiffany, what am I going to do? >> Try growing a heart. >> You're right. >> I am. >> I need to show Sarah that I can be a compassionate and loving man. >> Um, right. >> Thank you, Melanie. >> Please don't hurt me. I'm telling you the shirt was washed, ironed, and placed at Gerald's room by 7:30 this morning. Ask her. >> Ask me what? >> Were you in charge of Gerald's laundry this morning? Yes, ma'am. >> And you did, right? You did uh >> you did wash it, right? >> The blue one. Yes, ma'am. >> You wouldn't have to know where it is, would you? >> Would you? I laid it out on the bed after earning it. >> Right. Any moment now, our guest is going to walk through that door. Everyone in this house look like they just walked off the street. Do you want that? Why does everyone hate me? Why do you Why do you all want to embarrass me, >> Miss Malager? I'd be more than happy to check again. Maybe it was left behind somewhere. >> Fine, but hurry. As for you two, don't either of you dare to make another mistake today. Got it. >> Why do I have a feeling that James is going to be that mistake? Do you think he found a place to hide? I mean, it's a big house, so for all we know, we We might not see him for a week, right? >> I'm sure he's fine. He's probably stuffing a suitcase with Gerald's clothes and Mrs. Malager's jewelry as we speak. >> James jewelry. >> Finally, I imagine this house is a maze. I found a holly from here to there in bed. So, what do you think? >> That hat doesn't work with them. >> Bethany really would. James, this isn't time to play dress up. I told you to stay out of trouble and now the entire house is looking for you. This isn't a game. You can't just run around this house. As massive as it is, you will be seen. Do you want me to die? >> Well, fine. I'll go change. I'm going to go hide in some pantry or something. >> Sarah, >> I want you to go fetch two glasses of our BED CHAMPAGNE. NOW GO SHOOT. >> DARLING, Joe's waiting at the top of stairs from mommy. >> James, I'm starting to think this was a big mistake. What do we do? >> Okay, remain calm. You go to the bathroom. And >> where's that? >> Quarters left past the kitchen. Now, leave the shirt in there. I'll pick it up and tell Mrs. Malagaro to Mitch with the laundry. Problem solved. Get that shirt off before we get killed. Don't start just yet. I'm coming. I'm coming. Places. >> HI, BLAKE. OVER HERE. Get it together, Janice. Get it together. >> It's not what it looks like. Shut up and hide. >> Girls, look presentable. >> No, look more than presentable. Look stunning. Okay, Janice, open the door. >> Of course, ma'am. >> Charles, do come in. >> [laughter] [laughter] >> 76 today. >> Oh, you're too kind. But do go on everyone. I would like to meet Mr. Charles Pamin. >> What? >> Don't shoot. >> What? Silly me. >> Sarah. >> Oh, Sarah, you're so very clumsy. Why don't you run along and go check up on dinner? Um, yes, of course, ma'am. >> Now, Charles, where were we? Ah, yes. It's been ages. We have so so much to catch up on. Marcy, I apologize for being late. I had some uh business to take care of down in the Hudson. >> Business. I had um meeting with Clank. That reminds me, Marcy, I'd like you to be my daughter. WIN A FRIEND. WIN A FRIEND. HEY, DADDY. >> MARCY, I'd like you my daughter, Winterfred. You can call me Winnie. Now, what a friend, what do we say? This dinner is particularly lovely. >> No, sweetie. The other thing we say Oh, right. Your home is simply beautiful. >> Oh, I thank you, my dear. >> Marcy, I must say you look absolutely stunning. >> [laughter] >> or this old thing. >> Oh, Charles, you always know just what to say. >> Who? All right, him. He's off somewhere. >> I haven't seen him since he was >> this high. >> Yes. Yes. How time flies. >> No. What if you save the drinks in the dining room? >> Splendid. Please don't touch that. I wasn't I was just looking at my face. >> Well, be careful. It's fragile. >> She means the vase, not your face. Oh, I know that [laughter] >> coming up daddy. >> James, >> coming ma'am. >> Not funny. >> Really? Came and Charles, all the rich thugs. Your boss happens to be your man's the one I'm hiding from. >> Oh, how was I supposed to know? >> You're the maid. You're supposed to know everything going on around here. >> I think it's safe to say it'd be best if we left now. >> Oh, things were just starting to get fed. >> Sarah, I have to go now. And so do you. Be careful. I >> always am. >> Thanks for everything, Sarah. >> Don't mention it. >> Hello. Hello. Where did she put my suitcase? Heat. [applause] Heat. I promise I'll only be a second. My only order change out of these rags. >> Janice. >> Yes, ma'am. >> Call the police. It's ringing. Hello. Yes, this is Janice Evans from Miss Marcy Malibu. There has been a What? Has there been a home invasion? >> A home invasion. A home invasion. Number 767 Fifth Avenue. Is anyone injured? >> Not yet. >> No. No. Not that we know of. They're on their way this second. >> Can't they get here any faster? >> Yes. Yes. Thank you very much, man. What did the injuner look like? Oh, he was a monster. He was burly and he he was crazy. I can see it deep from the bloodless in his eyes. Surely, if I haven't ran, he would have killed me where I stood. Janice? >> Yes, ma'am. >> Hold me. What is it? >> Gerald is upstairs. >> No. Then Jordan ran off that way. >> He's still in the house. >> He may have taken my baby hostage. >> He's armed. >> DON'T WORRY, GERALD. MOMMY'S COMING. MAN, come on. Don't be a hero. Hello, [laughter] Marcy. Is everything all right? I could have sworn I heard a scream. To be honest, Mr. Camin, she screamed a lot. I'm sure everything is fine, sir. Right. What am I worried about? Can I ask your girls a very important question? Of course, sir. How does this tie look with this dress? Does it work? It looks great, sir. Great. Only great. YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO? WHERE IS MY FRIEND? I SWEAR I'M GETTING RELATION TO THAT GIRL. >> MRS. Oliver really has a spot. Perfect match. >> Yeah, just like that run around for. I'm already tired. >> Look, on the bright side, at least James is gone. >> Who's James? >> Um, he's my my >> door salesman, but he's gone now. >> And why is it such a good thing that he's gone now? >> Because he was my my ex-boyfriend. >> Your what? I mean, right. Yeah, my ex-boyfriend. You can imagine my shock when I opened the door, >> right? Shocked. He begged me to take him back. I told him, "No." You think you need me to show up here while I'm working and beg for my forgiveness after the way you treated me all those nights alone when he went out with you. So, we sent him on his way. >> Good. You deserve a good man. One who cares about you. A man like me. >> Look, Gerald, you need to get over me. I don't like you. I never will. >> Oh, yeah. Well, maybe you'll change your mind when you're out of a job. >> What Sarah's trying to say is that you come on strong. Sarah prefers a quiet kind of man. Besides, you know what happens to a relationship if you spend every second together? >> So, what you're saying is if I left you alone, you love me. >> Um, sure. >> You mean it? Consider me gone. I'll count the seconds we're apart. >> Just don't hold your breath. [clears throat] >> I'm loving you already. One, two, three. >> Hello. Hello. Anybody? Oh, hello there. >> Hello. Six. Seven. >> I think I'm lost again. >> Eight. Well, the house is rather large. 10. >> No, I just get lost. [clears throat] >> Careful. It's >> You have such pretty eyes. >> Oh, thank you. >> Who are you? >> I'm Wait, who are you? put a friend. You can call me Annie. >> I'm sorry, but I was trying very hard to concentrate before you interrupted. And >> I think I love you. >> What? >> I know we've only known each other for a little while, but >> do you even know my name? >> What's in a name? If you don't call Rose, it still smell like a rose. >> What? >> Shakespeare. The language of love. >> I need to go. >> When I saw you, my mind just went blank. >> I don't doubt that. But you see, I'm in [laughter] a committed relationship. Poor mad lady in love. >> Oh, I don't care. Our can overcome anything. >> That's very sweet of you. But what's that? >> What? >> I don't see anything. Wait. Oh, you silly. That's just a curtain. You see people have windows, too. Hello. Hello. Come back. Is anyone going to answer this? Anyone? I guess it's true what they say about good health these days. Cops. Cops. How did they find me here? >> What seems to be the problem, officers? >> Sir, she opened the door. I think this whole thing would be easier for her face to face. [laughter] >> What seems to be the problem, officers? >> You told me, sir. This is the Malibu residence, is it not? >> Yes. Yes, it is. >> Sir, we received an urgent phone call from Janice Evans calling for Mars Malibu from this address. She said there's a B and D. >> Oh, thank God. I mean, >> what a B&D, sir. It means breakin and entering. I know what it means. I'm just surprised. >> You're surprised? >> Yes. I haven't seen a breakin. In fact, I haven't seen anyone here except for Marcina. Help. >> What's your name, sir? >> Charles. Um, Charleston. Charles Charleston. >> Yes, Charles. Charleston. >> You know, Mr. Charleston, you look very familiar. Do we know each other? >> Oh, no. I don't think so. Me and my daughter Winterfred are just in town to have dinner with her son, Marcy and Gerald. >> Is Miss Maliger here? >> No. Come to think of it, I haven't seen her for quite some time. You're telling me she's missing? >> No, she just went upstairs. But it has But it has been a while. Do you mind if we have a look around Mr. Charleston? >> Um, well, actually, no, not at all. >> We have reason to believe Miss Malager is unknowingly associated with the wrong kind of people. >> The wrong kind of people, you know, whack. And the rate of violent crime is up. A wealthy socialite like her could go for quite a ransom. I mean, this is New York City. For all we know, she's on her way to the docks. Gagged and tied to >> Enough. There must be some kind of mistake. Marcy went to go change her dress. That is it. There's no murderer in this house. >> Get away FROM ME. >> DADDY, STOP IT. >> HELLO. Where is everyone? I was sure Mrs. founder would have been glued to Mr. Campb. >> I guess we can enjoy the peace and quiet. It doesn't happen often around here. >> Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. The Malagers and the Camdens fell off the face of the earth and we'll never have to see them again. Don't get my hopes up. >> Finally. Cash is clear. Rounding third. Almost done. >> What are you doing? >> I Well, you shouldn't be wandering around. >> Excuse me. >> Don't tell me you don't know either. Don't be alarmed, but there's a home invader somewhere in this house right now. >> Really? Oh, >> we were on his tail, but he must have got his room after we went to the corner. >> Mr. Charleston, don't worry. We found Drew Gallagher alive. >> Oh, him down the hall there. >> Quick, we've got him this time. >> Hurry, get him. Oh, boy. >> James, >> actually, >> I thought you left. Wait, what? >> New York's finest. Gerald Malager, >> the cops. Yeah, mother called about a home invasion. They think >> she saw you. >> I couldn't leave without my suitcase. >> Oh, sorry, >> Jake. You promised me you wouldn't be seen by anyone. And then Bethany saw you. Then you promised not to be seen again. And Mrs. Malibur sees you. >> Well, I didn't want to go to the train station on my speculator. >> Well, if you don't go now, you'll go to jail. I >> was on my way up before you STOPPED ME. YELL. >> GO. GO RIGHT NOW. BYE. What's your spatulator? >> Well, it's a hard spatula. He has a weapon. Mrs. Malager, I have something I need to tell you. This is my >> door to door salesman, >> right? My gur salesman. He rang right after Mr. Cam. >> We told him that we were all far too busy for him, >> but he insisted on showing us the cutlery. >> Cutlery he was selling. >> We told him to come back another time and we sent him on his way, but he forgot his case. He came back in to grab it, but >> you confused him for a home invader and called the police. >> Oh my. What have I done? Can you ever forgive me? >> Already done. >> Could have sworn I saw blood lust. No blood lust. And he's not armed. >> No, I still not. They're much better for hunting snakes than people. Name's Harry P. Nice to meet you. I really must be heading out. >> I'm so so happy this all right now. And before the cops arrive, too. >> Karai. >> What? What? Then then you have to say explain that this all was a misunderstanding. Got the fly. Come back. >> You're insane. >> SAME FOR YOU. GET BACK HERE. THIS IS SO PEACEFULLY. IS THIS GERALD'S SHIRT? Oh my god. What the What's going ON AROUND HERE? MY GERALD, STOP, PLEASE. >> THERE WAS NO blood gloves. >> Um, do you think we should help stop them? >> I don't know. IT'S FUN TO WATCH. >> NOT YOU. Me and Lee BEFORE MARCY BEFORE THIS HAPPENED. >> YOU GUYS >> RUN. YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY. DON'T KILL HIM. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME. HOW CAN YOU LOVE ME? >> I DON'T KNOW why I think he doesn't mean I don't love them. >> Which way do you think he went? I think I won't go down. >> Are you sure? >> Gerald, where are you? Why the cops think he's the intruder? >> I don't know. I'm so confused. very very confused. I >> think we both KNOW TO RUN FASTER. WE'LL >> SEE HOW FAST WE RUN FOR LIFE. It's nice to meet you. I'm Sarah James's sickly sister. >> WHO ARE YOU? >> WHO? >> YOU. >> ME? >> YES, YOU. WHAT IS THAT? >> DISPATCH, WHAT'S THAT? >> There you are. Here he is. Stop. Never. >> Really? Stop. >> Stop. >> Hey, WHY COULD I TURN HIMSELF IN? HE ISN'T EVEN IN JAIL. JAIL OR MY DEAD BODY? OH NO. DO IT. >> I should have changed myself to THE STORE. >> AREN'T YOU GETTING TIRED? >> I AM. BETHANY, can you help? >> Sure thing. They have all the head. >> My son is up some feet. >> Yes, he is. He's stole my heart. >> Shut up, >> dear. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NAME. >> WHY YOU [screaming] BACK? >> Everyone get you. That's enough on here. Let me handle this. Who are you? I'm Bethany. Do you know what's going on here? I'm the maid. It's my job to know. >> Go ahead then. >> This whole thing started off when Mrs. Malager decided to have Mr. Charles Charleston. >> Charleston. Tax purposes, dear. >> Um um Charles Charleston over for dinner. She was running around making sure everything was perfect. Then James showed up. James? Who's James? He's James. >> You. >> Me? >> Yes, you. Stop doing that. >> Okay. He's my brother. I thought you told me he was Eric Peters, the door to door salesman, >> and not a bloodthirsty killer. >> Killer? >> I thought James was your ex-boyfriend. >> Boyfriend? >> I thought you were Gerald Malager. >> What? I'm Gerald Malager. >> You're not the home invader. >> NO, THAT'S WHAT I was trying to tell you the whole time. >> And I'm his girlfriend. >> You're Wait, who are you exactly? Wred, you can call me Winnie. My daughter. >> Okay, I think I'm starting to understand. I'm not. I'm so confused. Me, too. >> James needed to visit his sister before he left the city. >> Why were you leaving? >> To get away from him. >> From you? >> From you, Janice. >> Yes, ma'am. Get out. >> From me? You see, I uh loan some money and I'd like it back now. Is that illegal? >> I don't think so. >> Forgot to kill me. >> That's an exaggeration. So, we agreed to let James stay in the house for a while, even though Mrs. Malagar would have killed us if she knew we were hiding him. You what? You what? James was supposed to lay low, but he decided to try on Gerald's shirt. >> My shirt? >> Don't worry about it. I told you I didn't misplace it. Then, Mr. Charleston arrived, so there was no point in staying in the house. James left, but he forgot his suitcase. Mrs. Malager saw him, believed he was a vicious, bloodthirsty home invader, and called the police. So, you're saying this whole thing is just one big misunderstanding? >> Yes. >> There's no real home invasion? >> Nope. >> Well, if there's no real home invasion, I think it say good work. All right, you folks behave now. Wait, you're telling me this man owes Mr. Camping thousands of dollars, paid in this house without the owner knowing, caused mass chaos, ruined a perfectly good dinner party, and you're not going to do a thing about it? >> Janice. Janice, control yourself. >> No, excuse me. All I ever do is follow your orders. I make sure your house is perfect. I make sure your dresses are perfect. I make sure your food is perfect. I make sure everything is perfect. Janice this, Janice that. Yes, ma'am. Right away, ma'am. And I make sure Dave was perfect. And what do I get? This guy. No, I will not calm down. I demand something to be done about him. You demand? >> Yes. I demand TO SEE HIM DRAG OUT OF HERE IN HANDCUFFS. I demand to see him locked up. I demand to see everything be perfect again. Janice, what? Are you done? >> I think so. Really officers, there's no problem here. Have a nice day. >> Did she say Camden? >> Yep. >> Quiet, sweetie. I knew you look familiar. Aren't you Charles Hammond, the notorious mobster? Who? Daddy, are you? I don't know what you're talking about. >> Officers, you must be mistaken. This Charles Charleston. >> Is this true? Then why did she say Camden? >> Who knows? Look at her. She's clearly insane. >> I see. [laughter] Okay, >> look, Mrs. Malager. Mr. >> Charleston. >> Charleston, this whole thing is my fault. I should have never agreed to let James stay here in the first place. The only reason he borrowed the money was to make a better life for us. It just backfired. Can you ever forgive us, >> Sarah? I'm new to this whole chivalry thing, BUT HERE IT GOES. >> MOMMY, DO SOMETHING. >> JANICE. YES, MA'AM. Fetch me my purse. >> Yeah. Yeah. I believe this should cover everything that boy owes you. >> Really? Oh, thank you. Thank you. >> Oh, well, you you're welcome, dear. Thanks, Gerald. >> You're welcome. >> I don't get it. Neither do I. >> I may be demanding, Janice, but I do have a heart. >> I can't take your money. >> James, what? Don't do this to yourself. This is your last chance. >> I really, Miss Miller, I can't take it. I suck so much money to my adventures trying to make it big. I have a every inch came back, Mr. Charleston. But life's got ahead of me. Thank you for caring, Miss Caliger. But I can't take your money. >> I can't take your money either, Marcy. But Charles, >> daddy, >> I don't want your money, Marcy, because all I want is you and all I want is you. Oh, Charles. >> Oh, Marcy. >> Oh, Gerald. [laughter] >> Everything's okay here. >> Looks like it. >> Perfect. Very, very perfect. So perfect. >> A happy ending. >> Looks like we've saved the day once again. Time to hit the road. Have a nice day. >> Y'all enjoy dinner now. >> Wait, what's for dinner? >> Oh my stars. WHAT'S THE MATTER? WE FORGOT ABOUT DINNER. >> OH, MOMMY. >> OH, GERALD, don't touch me. >> Thank you for covering for me. BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANOTHER RED SUIT. >> WHAT ABOUT ME, SIR? >> UM, I need a nap. >> You're telling me? >> So, I guess I'm staying. >> Lucky me. No, Gerald. >> What could that be? How should I know? >> Don't look at me. I am not getting it. >> I don't even work here. >> Hey, Sarah, I'm sorry for how I treated you. I can't live without you. Take me back, please. [applause] HEAT. [applause] HEAT. HEAT. HEAT. [applause] >> [applause] >> HEAT [applause] UP [cheering] [applause] HERE. HEAT. [cheering] [applause] HEAT. GUYS, what are you doing? >> Come back. Heat. Heat.