Submind YouTube summaries
Thumbnail for Who Pays on the First Date? Men vs Women DEBATE

Who Pays on the First Date? Men vs Women DEBATE

Watch on YouTube

Video summary

The video explores the ongoing debate over who should pay for dates in modern relationships, contrasting traditional expectations with contemporary feminist ideals of equality. One speaker argues that men have always been providers and that paying for dinner is a fundamental gesture of care and commitment, whereas the other emphasizes that women also invest significantly in their appearance, citing costs ranging from $2,000 to over $35,000 annually for maintenance like hair extensions, skincare, and gym memberships. This financial disparity suggests that when a woman goes on a date, she is already operating at a deficit, making the man's payment of the bill a necessary contribution rather than an optional act of generosity. The discussion highlights that while some couples now split bills to reflect equal rights, true equality in dating does not equate to political voting rights but rather involves understanding the different biological and financial burdens each gender faces. A significant portion of the conversation addresses the concept of "due diligence" before a date occurs, particularly regarding online dating profiles where photos may be outdated or misleading. The speakers argue that if a woman presents herself with high-quality images that do not match her actual appearance, it is unfair to expect the man to pay for a meal with someone he feels deceived by. However, they also stress that men must take steps to verify a potential partner's identity through voice notes or video calls before investing time and money. The dialogue suggests that while catfishing is a valid reason to walk away from a date without paying, it should not be used as an excuse for men who are simply unwilling to invest in the appearance of women they genuinely wish to pursue. Ultimately, the consensus leans toward the idea that if both parties are being authentic and honest about their presentation, the man should still cover the costs as part of his role as a provider. Beyond the financial aspect, the video delves into the deeper emotional and biological realities that shape these dynamics, noting that women bear the physical toll of childbirth and often manage the majority of household responsibilities without compensation. The speakers point out that society penalizes women financially through the "pink tax" and lower wages, creating an inherent disadvantage that makes splitting bills less equitable than it appears on the surface. Furthermore, the discussion touches upon the dangers men face when dating, such as the risk of violence from intimate partners, framing the act of paying for a date as a small price to pay for the safety and trust involved in letting a woman into their lives. The narrative concludes that while communication is key to resolving conflicts over money, the core issue is often about compatibility and shared values rather than just the bill itself. In conclusion, the debate resolves around the idea that paying for dates is less about strict financial rules and more about demonstrating respect, responsibility, and a willingness to provide within the context of a relationship. While acknowledging that times are changing and many women now have the power and income to pay their way, the speakers maintain that the instinct to provide remains a crucial part of masculinity and partnership. They advise couples to focus on building a growth mindset together, where both partners understand each other's sacrifices and work toward a shared future rather than getting bogged down in arguments over who picks up the check. The final takeaway is that successful relationships rely on mutual understanding, honesty, and the recognition that money is merely a tool to facilitate connection, not the sole metric of a man's worth or a woman's value.
Read the full video transcript
[music] The bill comes for the date. Who reaches for it? The man [laughter] or the woman? [sighs and gasps] >> Man, you're going to get me cancelled on our like second episode. Rich. A man. Um, well, it depends. Are we talking about a real man or a little [ __ ] >> Yeah, we're talking about a man. Talking about a real man. >> No, I'm [clears throat] okay. And so I'm going to let you answer first and we can go from there. Who should pick it up, Rich? >> Okay. Well, I'm a traditional man and I've always been the type of guy that just pays the bill. Like, >> okay. >> Almost every single time my whole life, I've been the guy that paid the bill. That's just the way I am. I have a 19-year-old son. He pays the bill. I think that's just like a traditional European thing. >> But nowadays, different. I hear it's different these days. I hear a lot of people are going 5050. >> So, I'd love to hear your opinion. >> Well, let me ask you, how much have you spent today to be on the show? >> I haven't had to spend anything to be on the show. [laughter] >> All right. For me, just got my lashes done, my nails. So, that's like 200 bucks right there. Not including the makeup, the skin, like the literally the hair styling tools I use today. So, if you think about it, what are the costs for you to maintain your appearance? >> For a guy to maintain our appearance, like my costs, like they're not that substantial. >> Yeah. Let me help you. Not anything compared to a woman's, right? >> Yeah. Like I don't I can't think of any cost like other than like normal grooming, right? >> Yeah. So, correct me if I'm wrong, right? But men want beautiful women, beautiful skin, great makeup, ageless face, sexy body that smells good and feels smooth, right? Do you know how much it costs to have that? >> A lot. [laughter] >> All right. So, as a woman and also a financial adviser to other women, it's not cheap. Okay. I did some calculations myself and it comes to about anywhere from $2,000 to $3,500 a month. Okay. >> $3,500 a month. Yeah, that's $42,000. And that's on the lower that's on the conservative side, you know. >> 42,000 a year. >> Oh, yeah. And you know what? I even asked Dr. G, who I call Chat TBT, okay? And it can be up to to the high top top tier, like 70 grand, right? Think about this charact $70,000 a year >> to get on the high. Okay, we're we're talking about like the highest end. Okay, those are like probably Hollywood celebrities. But even then, right, even 30 grand, 30 to 42 g. Think about this, okay? Hair extensions, girls, you know this. Come on. Hair extensions, hair color and the products, right? Nails, lashes, brows, laser, skin treatments, Botox, Sculra, daily skin care, serums, all the products. Then you have to add the Pilates, the collagen, the gym memberships, the, you know, um, meal prep and a kick-ass wardrobe. >> [laughter] >> You're scaring me. >> Hey honey, look. A beautiful highmaintenance girl didn't just sneak up on you, okay? You guys looked on an app, okay? You looked at her across the room and you chose her because she looked great, i.e. expensive, right? So that's what you're what's that's what's coming to the table. By the time she sat down at the dinner table with you, she's already operating at a financial deficit. just to go out with you, right? So, paying for her pasta, barely a tax rebate in my opinion. >> Think about it though. Think about it. How much you guys get ready compared to how much we get ready. >> Yeah. Hey, listen. I agree with you. I agree with you. Like, it doesn't cost me anything and it doesn't take me anything to go on a date. >> But I'm hearing these days that more and more people are going 5050. People are going Dutch. Women, it's 2026 and women want to be, they want to have equal rights with men. And this is, you know, a feminist feminism movement. And >> wow, >> women want want the ability to say, "Hey, you know what? We deserve equal rights." Well, why not split the bill? And I'm an old-fashioned guy, so I still pay the bill. However, there are situations and we'll talk about them where >> Mhm. >> if I was to go on a date and and and I just wasn't happy that I feel like maybe I shouldn't pay the bill. So, I want to talk about that. And one question I have for you is does that mean that you expect a man to pay every single time? [sighs] >> All right, let's go with the first one. Equality, Richard means I can wear pants and vote. Okay, equal. When we talk about equality, when we're talking about dating, it's very, very different from voting rights, from political rights. This is shivery. This is values, okay? It's the least that he can do, right? In the real world, think about this. We have consulting fees. We have taxes. We have penalties. Dating and relationships really should be no different. Think about this. if you pull me out of my busy schedule so I can you can sit across from me, experience my aesthetic, you know, this entertaining personality and potentially access the vault that obviously requires a deposit and dinner is just just the basic level covered charge, right? Yes, I do think that the man should pay every time. Okay, but what if the guy feels like his time is being wasted? >> You don't get to browse for free. This is not a 30-day trial, right? A man complaining about his time being wasted on a date is like a day day trader like you complaining that a stock didn't pump. Let's be real. He is taking a gamble on the probability of getting laid. Think about that. What are men's primary motivation? When a guy comes up to me and he says, "Hey, how's it going? How's your night?" What do you think he's hoping for at the end of that night by coming up to me? >> Yeah, he's hoping to get lucky. >> Yeah. Right now, if a woman actually, and I say actually wanted to get an orgasm, she'd actually stay home, manage her own portfolio, and she'll actually get a 100% guarantee on that investment. Okay? We don't need to be going out talking to men to get lucky. We just don't. We just really don't. Right? So, if you're going to come up to me, take my time, talk to me. What are you bringing to the table? [sighs] >> Well, I think I think there's a lot more in relationships than just and being with someone than just money, first of all. What about emotional support? What about uh someone to talk to, someone to lean on, >> someone to build a life with, someone to have kids with? someone to build a future with, someone that you can grow old with. Money at the end of the day is something you can't take with you. It's only something you can use as a tool to make your life better when you're here. So, I just feel like there's a lot of poverty all over the world. And I would say like what 90% of the world is in poverty. So, there's a lot of relationships in those countries where people aren't rich, but they're together and they're happy. What do you say about those people? So if 90% of the world is under the poverty line, that means there's people out there that are in happy relationships, married, having kids, living lives, and their partner isn't rich. Their partner might not be always buying dinner. They might not always be taking the bill. >> So who who would be p who would be taking the bill? The woman? >> The woman? >> Maybe. Maybe. Sometimes maybe they share it. I have no idea. I'm just trying to be devil's advocate. I'm trying to talk about, you know, that I I think this is a Vancouver problem. I think this is a North American problem. I think this is a there is like this this thing where there's a lot of gold diggers in Vancouver. There's a lot of gold diggers in California. There's a lot of gold diggers in lots of different places. And I think, >> okay, >> I have friends of mine that have been on dates. One of my friends has been on nine dates with a girl and they never did more than kiss >> and he believes >> he believes that she used him for dinners. >> So my thing is as a guy, why would you always want to be paying for dinner if you could be put in a situation where you're literally being used for dinners? And this is like a thing that happens in Vancouver. >> But how long does that really last? It's like using a guy for dinners because you have to tolerate talking to that guy. I mean like for a woman you're a woman. Do girls do this? >> Talk to me. Like let's we the men want to know. Do women do this? Do they go on dinners with guys and use guys just for dinners? That's what I want to know. Is that a thing? >> It could Okay. It might come up maybe the first second time, but you have to understand we have to like deal with the guy sitting across from us like eight to nine times. Like >> yeah, [laughter] >> like I wouldn't be able to tolerate that. So I don't know. I can't speak to that. >> Yeah. >> Maybe there are girls. >> Like dating is a two-way street and guys get their time wasted and money wasted all the time by women who just want a free meal. So, as a guy, I can see why it's so like >> And doesn't he want a free meal? Come on, Richard. He wants a free meal. It's just not food. [laughter] >> Listen. >> Okay. >> I'm not going to deny that men don't talk to me. >> I'm not going to deny that men when they're dating typically want one end destination. Okay? I'm not trying to deny that. But men are also looking for a partner. Men are also looking for a wife. Men are also looking to have a family. Men are also looking for, you know, a shoulder to cry on once in a while, even though men will never admit it. So, I just think that there is this pressure that's put on guys that they have to pay the bill or they're a loser. But we're living in a world where more than ever women have a lot of power. So, why aren't they covering the bill more than they have in the past? Or maybe they are >> right. I haven't run into it as much, but I don't know. Maybe you could tell me like your experiences like um >> No, I love this. Let's talk Let's actually talk about equality. I want to rewind there, though. >> Let's also think about this. You said all they've done is kiss, but yet she's giving him her time. She's going out with him. But what is he doing? He's looking for what? That that meal ticket, right? And she hasn't given it up. He's looking for a relation. Maybe she's waiting for marriage. He was looking for a relationship, but he never got more than a kiss. And he went on nine dates. >> And then eventually he was like >> And then eventually he was like, "Okay, this is just becoming weird because I'm just taking her on dates for dinners and that's all there is. There's nothing else." And >> girls, oh man. and it's not amounting to anything other than just going for dinners that he's just spending like $200 $300 per dinner and you know it's gotten to the point where >> you know he just got tired of it and he stopped calling her. >> Well, this is where communication comes in, right? So, this is not this is not a money problem. This is a communication where during those times you're either talking between saying where's this going? What do you want? That's up to him. That's his problem. He didn't do his due diligence. He That's what a relationship is all about. But let's go back to the equality stuff though, Richard. Right? So you say, "Oh, it's equal. Women are being powerful." Think about this. Equality doesn't mean I'm your unpaid surrogate, your cleaning lady, your personal chef, your emotional support system, your sex slave, your baby mama, and your sugar mama on top. Like, what the trauma bond is that? Right? Women already have a second unpaid full-time job of creating and managing the family and household creating as well. So until a man can birth half the baby and sustain its life from his breasts, you can pay some bills, you can pay for dinner, right? We're let's talk about actual relationship right now. We're getting into that. You want to talk about equal rights. Let's not forget that women are at a financial disadvantage in society to begin with. Have you heard of the pink tax? Right? We are financially penalized just for existing. Right? My razor is made of the exact same cheap exact same cheap plastic as yours, but because it's pink, it costs $4 more, right? Even my shampoo costs more than you, right? So, so and society makes it that way. Also, society pays me less on the dollar than a man. We know this. We know about the ceilings. We've talked about this. Let's not go into that. But come on, Richard. You can roll out of bed, splash some tap water in your face, put on a gray fleece, and they're going to call you distinguished. Right? If a woman does that, she's going to get pulled into HR and ask if she has the flu. Okay? My daily operating costs in my in who I present is triple, right? So, there's no equality in that already, right? When it comes to money and paying to look to look good, right? Now, let's look at who actually keeps the whole operation afloat biologically. Richard, you men love to act like they are, you know, equal stakeholders in this joint venture, right? When really your entire biological contribution to the survival of the human race, right, is five minutes of enthusiasm in a single microscopic cell. >> Roll [laughter] of enthusiasm. five minutes >> and [laughter] it now rules reverse, right? If you acquired an egg from us, you'd still completely be useless because you couldn't birth a child. You need a woman for that. Us, we can take your sperm, have a baby, and be powerful. So, what do we need a man for? If it's not the physical biological, then he's got to be showing up equally in other parts, which is providing. Now, money doesn't just mean provision. I have guys that I know that don't actually have a lot of money. They're not considered rich at all. He works three jobs, and even as a friend around me, I have a lot of guy friends that don't allow girls to ever pay around them. But him especially, I respect him even more cuz he has less, but he's still just as generous. You know, I always ask him, I'm like, why do you do this? like, you know, it's you don't need to. You're so generous. He's like, because it's just in me because I'm a provider. That instinct of a man to provide is what really ultimately a woman needs. A man provides, but the woman provides the other things, right? It still applies the same way. >> I've had situations in the past where uh you go online dating, you see a bunch of photos, and then the woman isn't actually when you meet them, it isn't actually the same person in the photos. If I'm going on a date and someone doesn't look like >> Yeah. Like catfishing. If I'm going on a date and someone doesn't look like their photos, >> I'm not paying for their meal. [sighs] >> Okay. Well, >> and it happened to [laughter] me. It has actually happened to me. >> Well, it was very disturbing. >> But it's >> Why is it my fault? >> Because you didn't do your own due diligence. Okay, look. And >> you're in a dating app and someone has a bunch of photos of themselves and those photos are fake. How am I supposed to know >> that? Like how am I supposed to do more due diligence? Like send a private investigator over to her? >> No, let me teach you. When I'm looking, and I know this because I play for your team, when I'm looking to take a woman on her on a date or date her in general, I talk to her on the phone. I ask for a FaceTime. I get an idea of who she really is. Why? Because I'm actually looking to date, right? That's what serious people do when they look to date, right? So, you should know what she looks like before before complaining. I mean, my goodness. And you know, if you're going to say, "Oh, that requires too much effort." Okay. Well, then you're paying the penalty for not doing your due diligence, Bradley. Sorry, but you didn't try to talk to her. You didn't try to get to know her. You don't have an idea. Exchange Instagrams. >> Yeah. It's a guy. It's one of the most terrible experiences ever. Going on a date with someone and having them not be who you thought they were and now you're sitting here talking to this person and you're like, who am I even talking to? >> Like you passed me and now you want me to talk to you. Like unreal. It's just unreal. >> You know what's unreal? If you don't do your due diligence. So boys, if you guys are listening to this, do your due diligence. Ask for her Instagram. Ask for a voice note. You'll know if she sound if her voice matches what she's who she is. You'll know. Due diligence. >> Okay. Don't you think it's unfair that a man takes on all the financial burden? If a woman in 2026 wants equal rights, why not pay half the bill? >> Okay, we already talked about this. I take we take on so much of the burden domestic also, right? Having the baby. Do you know what actually happens to a woman's body when she has a baby? Organs literally evicted from its current locations. My lungs and my stomach literally gets shoved to my throat so the baby has room to expand. Okay? And then the baby acts like a parasite. Literally, it's like siphoning calcium directly out of my teeth and my bones just to build its own skeleton. Don't forget childirth. Okay, Richard. You've never had to experience that. organ prolapse, tearing, hemorrhaging. Think about this. Like all that, okay, is not even equal. Okay, Richard, you're literally like an angel investor. You threw $5 in and now you want to be CEO of the company and have 5050 shareholder equal rights. No, honey, it's already not. Okay, it's already not equal at all. And also, one last thing, let's talk about the worst case scenarios. Okay, your case, worst case scenario, she used an old photo. She doesn't look like I mean, is she already dead that you can't afford one dinner? You're not going to see her ever again, right? But look, your worst scenario is she used an old photo. You got stuck paying $100 on tapas and you have to go home alone. >> No, she photo I'm not paying. >> Okay, but that's your worst myself. I'll pay for myself, but I'm not paying for her if she uses a different photo. Not an old photo. I'm talking about a different photo. Like a photo that's not even her. Like this stuff happens. And it happens, I'm sure, for girls that are meeting guys, too. >> I'm sure it happen. >> Does she have a good person? Does she have a good personality? Is she a good person? >> I don't remember. I just remember looking at her because you look nothing like your photo. Like this is So you're you like I'm talking to a stranger right now. Like just end it right now cuz this is awkward. >> Was she ugly? Was she terrible to look at? Was it hard to look at her? Because if she was decent, you would be okay. >> It was hard to look at her. >> Okay. Okay. Looks, guys. Okay. Are we listening to this? I think we're all on the same train of thought. >> It was a terrible experience. >> Men want you for your looks, which we put money into our looks. We we've we've showed up. The least you can do is pay. We're not talking about We're not talking about those examples. Okay, fine. But what about people who actually show up who are regular people who are not catfishing? Okay, now what are you looking? You just admitted that you are looking at a girls for their looks. You want So we put money. I just explained how much it costs for us to put into our looks. The least you can do is pay for dinner. And let's also talk about worst case scenario. That's your worst case scenario. You know what my worst case scenario is? It's literally a Netflix true crime documentary. My apex predator is technically the man sitting across from me at dinner. So when when a woman is murdered and the killer is actually known nine out of 10en times it's a male. Okay. Now 55% of all murdered women are killed by an intimate partner or a family member. Okay. Every single day 133 women are killed by a man in their own home or on a date. I have seen shows where like they go on a Tinder date, guy like cuts her up and puts her in her freaking luggage. Okay, so Richard, you look at your first date as a financial investment where I am literally risking my life just to let you take you take me out. So the very least you can do is pay for dinner. [clears throat] >> Yeah. No, I I listen, I have a sister, I have a mother, I have a daughter, I have a girlfriend. I I the last thing I ever want is for them to ever experience anything dangerous and crazy like that. And I'm not going to deny that there's bad guys out there. It's very, very dangerous. It's a crazy world. So, it's frustrating because the bad guys kind of affect the good guys because most men for the most part are not looking to hurt anyone. They're just looking for a nice girl. They're looking for a partner. They're looking for someone they can build a life with. But it seems to me like nice guys finish last. And it's very hard for a nice guy to find a girl these days. >> Really? Because that nice girl that catfished you because she didn't look very nice. But I asked you several times, could she have a good heart? You just said all these guys want someone to come to settle down with and build the home and be a nice girl. That girl probably was such a good heart. In fact, she probably would have offered to pay for your dinner cuz she's so cute. Like good. In fact, who paid for that? Did you pay or did you not pay? >> For which one? >> No, the girl who catfished you. >> No, I paid for my dinner, but I didn't pay for her dinner. [laughter] >> She Oh, man. Okay. Okay. >> Like, why would I pay for her dinner? She was not even the person that she Okay. Okay. She was not who she was pretending to be someone else. >> So when I met her, I was kind of like shocked. So in my brain, >> I don't even remember what happened, but I don't even think we went I don't think it got to dinner. [snorts] >> Yeah. I mean, >> now that I'm remembering, I remember saying, "You don't look anything like your pictures." And then >> her saying something and I was actually quite angry and irritated and I was like, "Yeah, let's just end this now." and I just left. [laughter] I was like, "No, you know what? >> I'm not even gonna sit down and eat with you because you lied to me and I don't want to talk to you and I don't want to go on a date with you. And you are definitely not as good-looking as the picture. And this has happened to lots of guys. Lots of guys I know. I'm not the first guy that that's happened to. And it's happened to me more than once now that I'm looking back like through the files now that they're all coming [laughter] back to me. Some of those things that I've like, you know, like hidden, you know, didn't want to talk about those things. But yeah, over the years it's happened. >> So then this brings me to the thing of that men, you guys don't care about the it's not about the money really. You're in there. You want a nice woman. You want someone that's nice that's going to settle down. But let's be real. You want a woman that looks good. >> Of course, >> you've just you've you want a woman that Okay. Okay. So, let's talk about the more normal people who are not catfishes and and regular people, right? So, and we're not going to talk about you cuz I know you're, you know, a traditional guy, but let's think about the men out there that want to go hes on a regular presenting woman. Like, it just doesn't happen. I've never seen it. I but but like >> I listen I'm a lot older than the 20-year-old crowd these days. So I don't know. But from what I've heard, it's a lot more normal these days for a guy and a girl to go on a date and for them to pay for themselves, >> more so than ever before. But I didn't grow up in that world. So I don't know for sure. I'm just >> speaking out loud. Like for me, I'm still in the younger generation >> and I have always just kind of paid and being a man, like you said, I'm a provider. So, I've always provided for the people around me, the people that I care about. And I think that's what most men feel that type of of of uh like they have that urgency like they have to uh provide for their family. They have that >> deep down inside of them like they feel like that's their obligation. >> It feels like an obligation as a man to to provide for my kids, my girlfriend, my parents, my friends, my family. That feels like our obligation. And that's why >> we work so hard, you know, to be able to provide. But a lot of times what happens to men, and I know it's happened to me, and I'm sure it's happened to a lot of other men, we work so hard that our girlfriends or our wives don't like the fact that they get neglected cuz we work so hard. >> But the problem is we work hard so that we can provide for our family. But then we work so hard that we provide for our family that it becomes a problem and a roadblock in our relationships. And this has become something that I know I've had issues with um in the past and even currently in my relationship. And I'm sure it's something that a lot of guys complain about because women want a man to pay, but they also don't want them to work. They just want them to just hang out and stare into their eyes all day and chill on the beach and go shopping, you know, and go for nice dinners. But that's not how it works. Like the men actually have to go work to be able to provide to do those things. And I feel like a lot of women don't appreciate when a man goes to work. And that when they do go to work, sometimes that gets used against men. And then women use that as a reason to cheat and do other things because they think they've been neglected while their man's working providing for his family and for his wife or his girlfriend and his kids and his people around him. So I think that that's a major problem and something that needs to be discussed. What do you think about that? >> Part of the reason why I was laughing is because you know I mean as we know I don't date men anymore. And so when you say, "Well, they just want us, our wives just want us to come home, look into their eyes, go shopping, go to the beach, go to the I was like, yeah, and I will be doing that with my wife as well as make the money." You know what I mean? Like that's what a woman's going to do. Ladies, boys, take take uh notes. But um on the other end, I get it. Um just the working. So here, this is where I would say financial planning, right? So this is where communication, this is where building with your significant other comes in. When I look for a spouse, I look for someone who has the building mindset, the growth mindset already. That person is going to understand and know, okay, you know what? We're sacrificing here so that I we can have that luxurious life. Like I'm not going to be buying like the Birkin bags and the Louis Vuitton, right? Because when I was having a lower income, I was investing that money, multiplying it, right? so that I can have that luxurious life, you know, later on, right? So, it's that growth mindset. It all comes to mindset. So, really, if you have a partner that's nagging on you, I feel like maybe that relationship's not going to last that long anyway. Why? Because I want a partner that understands, okay, we're going to do this. Maybe we could build together. You know, I ideally it'd be really cool if you guys could support each other in your business. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to pick someone who can who understands that I do the late night networking. I go to networking events. I'm out with happy hours. I'm doing this. I'm doing that. I'm out. I'm socialable. So someone who's nagging all the time that you're so socializing and you're out and I'm like, this is literally how I get my back. Realtors will understand that, right? And so like I think that's also where choosing your partner, choosing compatibility comes in. This is not a money issue. This is a compatibility issue. [music]