When The Narcissist Realises You're Never Coming Back... Everything Changes

When the narcissist realizes you're not coming back, everything changes. There is a moment that every narcissist dreads, although they may not expect it. And it's not when you walk away. It's not when you block them. It's when they realize that you're never coming back. because for a long time they believed that they still had plenty of time. They thought you'd miss them. They thought you'd get back in contact with them. They thought you'd return like you've always done before. As though this is just another chapter in their cycle. But when your silence becomes permanent, when you're not answering them, when you're not texting them, when you move on, and they can no longer contact that version of you that they felt like they knew and who they needed you to be before, that's when they start to panic. And this is what we're going to be talking about in this video. Hello survivors. I am an Ark Survivor. I have been making videos on YouTube for eight years for survivors of narcissistic abuse. I'd really appreciate it [music] if you could give this video a thumbs up as it helps to support my work. And if you'd like to book a consultation with me, you can do that by going to narcivor.co.uk. Now, let's get into it. At first, they assume you're going to return. They think they're in another chapter of this relationship with you. They assume you're going to be coming back because they think they've got you wrapped around their finger. So, they don't think you're going anywhere. They think you're not going to notice. They think their excuses are never going to run out or become boring or unconvincing or lose their effectiveness. No matter how much they repeat them, because they believe they're invincible or they hope that they are, they will mistake the traumaorn for loyalty even if you've left before they returned. They will expect another cycle. They will assume you'll just get angry. So, they'll give you a bit of time to calm down. They'll wait for the dust to settle and then they'll reach out to you again. Because they assume that if you have loved them once, then you will always love them. But this is the part they get wrong. This is their warped perception of life. They think that once they've got you, they've got you for life. Because this is true for them. Once you've got them in your life, you've got them for life. You may expect them to disappear once all is said and done. And they may initially, but they will always return. And once the bridge is fully burnt, it will never be the same as it was before. So they will come in and out just to get what they need because that's just how it works with them. So they will watch you without you realizing. They will watch you from the shadows. They will stalk you on social media. They will ask people about you interactly. But this is the issue. Why do they want to know? Why are they still checking? Why are they looking for signs that you're still struggling? Why are they asking mutual friends? Why are they waiting for you to break no contact? If something is done and it is over and it is completed, then it shouldn't be ongoing. It shouldn't continue because it has already reached the end of its course. Which means that you should just move on with your life and they should move on with theirs. But this is the problem here because the narcissist has an attachment disorder. They can't fully attach or connect to you in a healthy way. So, they can't let go. They can't be in this relationship in a healthy way, but they also can't detach in a healthy way. Even though they may be in a new relationship and they may have someone else, that person may not see what's really going on, but even when they were in a relationship with you, they may have been on social media. They may have been calling old friends behind your back because most of the time they don't let people go so easily. And this is the issue. They keep reinforcing old patterns because they can't let go. So they will be checking up on you to see where you are in all of this. And your silence will begin to feel different to them once they realize you're not going to call. You're not going to respond in the way that you would have before. And there's no indirect contact. There's no attempts to make them jealous. There's no emotional reactions. But this isn't punishment. It's durability, stability, and continuence. And this is where things gradually start to shift in their minds. This is where the dread starts to set in. Once they see that you're able to live your life without them, they start to recognize something unusual because you start behaving in an unusual way. Your silence seems longer. You don't feel the need to fill in the gaps like you used to. And they know what this means. They see that you are more confident in yourself. You're not constantly seeking reassurance anymore. And when this happens, they start to lose control because that's not what they wanted. That wasn't the end game for them. Even if they are with someone new, their new relationship does not matter because they're still trying to maintain this relationship with you from the shadows. But for them, control is emotional safety because then they know what to expect. They know what the next thing is going to be. So, it alleviates their anxiety. This feeling of uncertainty because they've learned you. They feel like they know you. They associate who you are when you're under their control to being who you actually are. So, in their mind, they know you. They're expecting you to reach out. They're expecting you to message. They're expecting some sort of communication. But they soon realize that things are different. Things are not how they used to be. And this unsettles them because it strips them of their control. So they will try to make themselves feel better about it because what else can they do? They're not going to admit the truth. They're not going to admit that they're toxic or that they're a narcissist. So they have to rewrite the story. They have to overexlain themselves to protect their ego because they are ashamed that you are living your life without them. It makes them feel inadequate. So they will tell themselves that you're too arrogant or proud. You'll be emilated, you're miserable without them, or this new person you're with is not good enough. And you're soon going to realize that they were the right person for you. They're going to be creating these narratives in their minds because they don't move on in their life. They stay stuck because acceptance for them is very painful. They can't accept that you don't want them. And this is why your silence is very powerful because you're sending them a message that it doesn't matter what they do. Doesn't matter what they think. You're not playing this game anymore. You don't want to do it. And this is so powerful because when reality hits them, when they hear that you're genuinely happy without them, when you've built a new life and you're enjoying yourself and you're getting on with things, this is when they begin to panic. And there's no time limit. It may take them weeks, months, and sometimes even years, but they will soon begin to hate it. They are hypervigilant, so they will know when you have moved on and when they don't matter to you anymore. Because for them, this is the worst thing that can happen. All they really care about is that you want them because they don't want you to live your life without them. But when you do, your energy is different. You hold yourself differently and you speak differently because you're no longer wishing and hoping that they're going to change or that you're going to get the answers you want from them. And that is the difference. Because while they may know when you're stuck, they also know when they've been replaced. The narcissist wants to be loved in the way that you loved them. They want the compassion, the empathy, the kindness, the patience. They want that. They crave that because they never had that. So, they're always going to be looking for it. But what's really embarrassing for them is when someone like you, who has always been there for them and has always been so kind and lovely to them, is no longer there anymore. And you're not waiting for them. you're not trying to get their attention. So, they're going to realize that they're not loved anymore. And that's really going to affect them because they want to feel loved. And they expect you to always want them, love them, and reach for them. But they don't realize that there is an expiry date to this [music] BS. So, they assume that while you love them, they can do whatever they want. They're like spoiled children. They really believe that they can do anything and you're always going to accept this behavior until one day you don't. But they expect you to do this for them because nobody in their early life ever explained this to them. Nobody ever talked about it in this way. So they learned that they are disposable and that they have to play a role. But in the end, people do see people do catch on to what's really going on. But leaving isn't what changes everything. It's your healing that does. Once you come home to yourself and you believe in yourself because moving on isn't just about moving on from them. It's about moving forward in your life because it is your life and they're just a part of your past. They're not your entire story. They're not the end of you. So don't let them define what happens next. Don't let them define the person that you are. Remember that our brains have neuroplasticity. Our brains have the ability to change, grow, and reorganize their structure and connections throughout our lives. So, we can be whoever we want to be and do whatever we want to do. And we are the ones who are in control of changing it. Nobody can change it for you. You have to give them permission. Whether it's out of fear, love, obligation, or whatever else it may be. But the truth is that we are the ones with the power. And just as we changed ourselves on their behalf, we can now change ourselves again to become whoever we want to be. I hope this video was helpful for you today. If it was, please give it a thumbs up. Subscribe if you're new to be notified when I upload a new video. For more personalized support, you can book a consultation with me. Go to nur survivor.co.uk. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon. Heat. Heat.