When The Narcissist Realises They Shouldn't Have Done That To You

When the narcissist realizes they shouldn't have done that to you. When you go quiet. They may not know exactly the reason why. They may not know what is occupying your interest or attention. But here's one thing they do know. You're healing. You're becoming healthy. After the distress they caused to you. You're recovering from everything they put you through. Because once you're quiet and alone. You now have the opportunity to acknowledge what happened without being controlled by your suffering. Or without being carried away by the waves. You now have the opportunity to think for yourself. To determine what was right or wrong, good or bad. But in their mind, silence isn't about peace. It's a withdrawal from your attention. So once you go silent. They're already thinking about how they're going to get it back. They are not respecting your boundary. The separation between you and them. Or your limits or comfort. They are constantly calculating, watching, waiting. And they're hoping that you will break the silence. So in this video today. I'm going to reveal to you. Exactly what is happening on the other side of that silence. I'm going to reveal what they're thinking. What they're planning. Because your silence is driving them insane. Your silence becomes the loudest thing you've ever said. And they hate that they can't answer it. Many victims think that when they go silent, it registers to the narcissist in the same way like if someone went silent with us. We may think about what we would do. We would reflect in it. We would think about it. And I'm sure many of us would internalize it. We would see it as though it's something to do with us. We would blame ourselves. And we would see it as something that we need to resolve. But it is not like that for a narcissist. They are not going to be looking at it that way. When you go silent, that is when they start to watch. They start to stalk because they're trying to figure out your patterns. They're trying to figure out what happens next. And don't let them gaslight you into thinking that they haven't already worked you out. They know who you are. And that's what made you susceptible to their manipulation. But now, you know who they are as well. They have been using your triggers to overstimulate you. And to get a response out of you. And these responses give them information. It tells them what to do next. But then it also helps you to figure out what's going on. Because they don't see your silence as a boundary. They don't see it as something they've done wrong. They don't internalize anything. And that is how in the length of time that you have known them, you may never remember a time where they've actually blamed themselves or felt bad about something they did because they have an external locus of control. They externalize everything. They blame you. They see it as though the world owes them a living. They expect other people to change. And it's not so much that they see themselves as perfect although that may be how it appears. It's that they have a fragile dysfunctional ego and huge defense mechanisms. Their walls are so high that nobody could ever connect to them because they externalize everything. They don't own anything that actually belongs to them. They put it out there rather than blaming themselves because they don't want to take responsibility or accountability. They don't want to accept themselves. They don't want to sit with those feelings of discomfort which means that they are never going to change. Because they lack emotional intelligence, they lack empathy. But you question what you could have done differently. And that is what keeps you in the trauma bond because you're overthinking. You're thinking, "If I had done this, if I had said this, if I had been a little bit different." You're always thinking of ways to make things better, how you can change things. You're taking on the responsibility of fixing everything. Narcissists don't do that. They externalize everything. They don't feel into the relationship or connection with you. They objectify everything as though it is separate or beneath them rather than equal to them. So, when they recognize your silence or they see that you're healing, they compartmentalize it. They put it in a box separate to everything else. They act out a character that they have pre-assigned to it. And because everything is compartmentalized, divided, separated, rather than integrated or connected, it lacks a continuous story. It exists only in standalone sections, which means that there is no flow. And this is the result of their disordered thinking. It affects their reality, the perception of things that happen outside of them, other people's emotions. It's not a part of them. So, they don't feel the empathy to want to fix, help, or connect because they are separate. They are cut off from it. So, when you go silent, they don't see it as a boundary. They don't see it as something they have to respond to or something they have to resolve. It's separate. So, they see it as a game. And they expect you to get over it by yourself because for them everything is from a place of distortion and distance because they lack wholeness and oneness within themselves. So, when someone is disconnected from themselves, how can you expect them to be connected with you? They don't experience your silence as a boundary. They experience it as though they lose the control, as though they no longer have access to you. But they're not able to properly assess or see what you're trying to do because they're objectifying you. So, they just see it as though you're unable to perform. You're unable to do what they assigned you to do. Because there's no connection to you. To them, you're an object. You perform a function or task that they want you to. They see you as separate and disconnected. Because they're not connected to you. So, when you go, they see it as a loss of a function. Which could be your kindness, your patience, your love, how you make them feel, or what you do for them. And that is what they're annoyed about. They're not thinking about if they hurt you. They're not thinking they shouldn't have done that. That doesn't even cross their minds. So, when you stop responding, it triggers a narcissistic injury. It activates their abandonment wounds, and it bruises their ego. Because they may have been abandoned in childhood. And this really affects their self-esteem and their confidence. This is why they hate not getting what they want. Everything always has to go their way. And they really go above and beyond to micromanage everything. So, that they're not left feeling like they lost control of something. Because the abandonment wound is part of their identity. And this is why they rely on our reactions, interpretations, and perceptions about them. But the thing that feeds them can also become the thing that starves them. Because when you go silent, it's a huge blow to their ego. You're reactivating their childhood wounds, and not because that's what you were trying to do, but because you have to set boundaries, you have to protect yourself. You can't just let them do whatever they want to do with you. But once you adopt this mentality, it removes the mirror. You're no longer an extension of them, and you're no longer acting on their behalf. So then you're less bothered when you don't get anything in return. But they can't deal with you not getting anything from you, even though they never actually give anything to you. So the silence is inevitable. And when you're gone, everything they try to hide at home soon becomes exposed. They start acting that way in front of other people, when maybe they never did before. Because it's a narcissistic injury. They are struggling to hide their abandonment and rejection wounds. So when you are no longer there to be their emotional punching bag, and to take the blame for everything, it exposes them. And this is what they can't deal with. This is the purpose that they assigned you for. Because the things they do to you and use you for are things they don't want other people to see. They want other people to believe they're a good person. So when you go silent, they will attempt to hoover you. They will try to get your attention again, because they need your empathy. Even though you may have gone all of this time without any communication with them, you may have accepted what you had to go through. You may have accepted who they are. So by this point, you should finally understand that everything they're doing only serves them. And this should help you to protect yourself. But when you go silent, it will terrify them. Because silence gives them nothing. And their main focus is getting attention and validation from people. It's their main focus. So, when it's taken away, it really destabilizes them. Because this is their life. And it's to do with their triggers of abandonment or rejection. Which is why they'd rather argue. They want you to argue with them. They want you to defend or explain yourself. Because then you're still giving them attention. And any attention boosts their ego and makes them feel wanted. And then they know they've got access to you. But this is all objectification. It isn't healthy. While gray silence is powerful, they hate it, but it gives you freedom. And by being silent, you are winning. Because as long as you are interacting with them, you will always lose far more than you gain. I hope this video was helpful for you today. If it was, please give it a thumbs up. Subscribe to be notified when I upload a new video. For more personalized support, you can book a one-on-one consultation with me. Go to narc survivor.co.uk. Thank you for watching, and I'll talk to you soon.