when queers go to IKEA for the first time

Hello and welcome back to my channel. We are >> we are queer and we're we're >> we're at IKEA. >> I got you guys in a special place. It took an hour to get here. Thank you, Vivian. >> Sorry. >> Your favorite neo baby. She was supposed to be here. Non-medicated ADHD [ __ ] I'm walking away. >> Chose to play legal for this. >> I'm walking away. >> Is that what she's doing? >> No, I don't know. >> I'm just going to say it's legal. I've just been talking to myself. I know you have. I know you have. I need a pee. Where go? Oh. Oh. Hello. Go piss, girl. >> Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. >> You see that? >> We bros. >> Oh, I'm drinking I'm drinking kombucha like always. >> Girl, nobody cares. >> Yes, they care. I care. >> I don't. >> Hello, Dubai. Okay, we have to be able to get in first before we get kicked out. >> No, we just need to pee first. I need to pee. Please. I need to pee. I look like I work here. >> Do you? >> You don't look employable. >> Which one am I going to do? Going to the women's restroom. >> Am I this or am I this? You're going to hear me pee. Oh, this one. This one. Woo! Ooh, the women's restroom. I'm being >> time for a runway walk over. >> That's the exit. >> Number one or number two? >> It was number one. You're gay. What do you mean that's the exit? You go through the exit. That's your entire life. >> Wait, you've never been to IKEA? >> No, I've been to IKEA with a D in front. I've never been there before, so I don't know about the Swedish meatballs. I got my Swedish meatball out. There's children. This body is so sexy. >> I totally forgot I had this makeup on as well. I looked in the mirror. >> Mhm. >> Pumba. >> Soft. Pumba. >> Yeah, those are soft, but they have zero traction. >> Wando. Wait, Wanda. Cosmo. Wando and ladies and gentlemen. >> Wait. >> Wando and >> Wakanda. >> Tremble before. >> Blazian baddy. You guys are meeting me at a very Chinese point in my life. >> Meet me in the bathroom. Working with the corset. >> You bring the corset. I'll bring the waist over. >> 9 in. >> She wants something to wear. >> 9 in. I had 9 in. Oh, wait. Hey y'all. It's me, Farmer Freddy. You don't like my accent? Are you a farmer? Cuz you're a hoe. But [ __ ] >> I know how to use a hoe. Wait, it's so pretty here. It is board. Is that Swedish? A girl? I don't know. I don't board meant Swedish whites only fountain beverages. That's crazy. >> Wait, wait, wait. Hey, respect. No ice. >> Freddy, >> I don't like ice. We don't support ice. >> You guys want the lima berry? >> You want the lima berry? Is it like flavored with Hitler partnicles? Mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, French fries, Swedish meatballs, not plant balls. You're like 5'1. You could get from the kids menu. >> Hello. Me and my daughter. My daughter here. Sorry, my son. I feel like we need a we need a thing. Do we? >> Yeah. Everyone else has a thing. >> Okay. Okay. >> Yeah. Go around the other side. >> Hello. Is it me you're looking for? >> All right. Let's see what I want. I want a um a Langler. Yes. You want chocolate lava cake? >> You're going for desserts first. It was >> not Stockholm syndrome. The knows this all too well. >> Stockholm salad. Stockholm syndrome. >> Perhaps it's not. >> That's the best of the best. >> Best of the best, mama. Best of the best. >> Hedge. >> Hedge. What's that on your lawn? >> Hedge. >> What's down here? hedge. Oh no, mama. That's twigs and berry. >> Yeah, >> Steve Carl movie over the head. >> Steve Carl was not an over the head. >> Yes, he is an overhead. >> That's why I hated that movie. I actually like this. >> It's one good piece of media. Steve Carl, your days are numbered. When I catch you, baby. I've never hated a man more than I hate you. >> My stomach is cramping in the tether cuz I'm holding in a fart. I'm that hungry and it's eating itself alive. I could suck the fart straight out your ass. >> There are only seven original sentences left in the world. >> Oh, want me to say all of them? >> First time having >> meatball. >> Slouchy for you. >> And for this lady, perhaps the salad. >> Perhaps not. >> I'll have. >> Thank you. I forgot. >> Smothered in onions. >> Can we get a closeup of the pasta? One time I man it after. >> Okay, stop. I'm checking out. >> Smile. Smile, baby. Smile. >> Wait, I didn't get the Oh, I did get a flag. Denmark. Netherlands. Is it just one of these? >> I love the Swedish people. Not the kids getting metal spoons. Oh, this is so rude. >> I don't want to hear any criticism. >> Ew. Get this. Get this. >> You literally You literally liked it last time. You liked it last time. >> This [ __ ] needs to be put down like a dog. What is the letter the letter four? >> The number four. I want some more. >> Oh, gross. >> Everyone staring at me like I got something on my face. >> Dinden for our videographer. >> Dinden with Chin Chin. Our first time. Was it your first time, too? >> No, it can't be like a born again IKEA virgin. >> Oh, [ __ ] My wig is flipping back and nobody told me. >> I didn't see it. I wasn't. >> You guys are nasty. >> I think the men need to realize I will just stare at them until they eventually stop staring back. And that is how I met your father, your daughter. >> All right. So, we're gonna Are we gonna get a >> Sorry, I need to do a trigger warning because apparently I do a trigger warning for everything now. >> Girl, shut up. I got a lungler. I got non-denominational pear sparkling beverage. >> Whatever that means. >> Oh, I got a I got the >> Shut the up. I'm not done. >> The zzer salad >> for you. God, how rude. And I got meatballs on juice, bone apple teeth. >> I got maca cheese like American cheese. >> This was $2.99. >> Two kind of $2.99. On a scale of one to how my nona used to make it, >> which she's Swedish. >> Yeah, my Swedish nona. This is like a six or a seven. >> [ __ ] please. >> No, it's like a three. >> Really? >> Is that bad? >> Oh, this shit's mint. >> Y'all hype it up a lot. >> Mhm. She's no Costco so far. Tell them to bring out the whole menu. >> I like the meatballs. I will say this is like $3. So, I'll give it a six based off of the price. >> I'll give it a seven. >> Actually, I give it a 7.8 out of 10. >> Let's give the Langler a sample. >> Also, I don't want to hear [ __ ] about my ketchup and mac and cheese. >> I'll give you full permission to drag the dog [ __ ] out of this [ __ ] >> You wanted them to drag the [ __ ] out of >> like that one. Bottoms up. >> Full on um what's it called? Beckna moment. >> What is this? Apple mango. What's this? >> Pear sparkling beverage. You want to give her a try? Silence, please. >> She's good. >> She's really good. >> I love these. >> Would you say you're into people? >> They're going up. They're going. >> Hi, baby. Wait, wait, wait, wait. >> Oh my. Could you split them? Like split your tongue like that way while doing it. >> No. Like legs out like >> No, no, no. I can't do that. I don't have that sort of control. That ravenous insatiable hunger for something in my mouth. Or do I? >> You don't. Oh, >> your heart's not in it. You see people talking about Kylie Jenner's like King Kylie that they're like, "Her heart's not in it." It's not the same. >> It's true. Yeah. No, it doesn't seem like she's into it. Performative King Kylie. She's met. You've met Kelly? >> No. >> Oh, you met the other ones? >> Yeah. Kim and Kendall. >> Wonderful human beings, >> right? >> Deserving of love and respect. >> Lucky for me, I don't have a gag reflex. >> Yes. >> That's not what you said last night. >> Yes, sir. >> Do you like it when I submit to you? >> No. >> Are you in your top era? >> No. >> King Freddy. >> Thing Freddy. >> M. >> They them. >> Mhm. >> We're feeling a little demi today. >> Demi Lovado. >> Mhm. the concept of you. >> Do you want to see? Have I shown you? >> Unfortunately. >> Yeah, I know. >> She giving salad. >> This is not a salad. This is a local burger from Crusty Krab under the rain of pearl. >> It's a salad. >> Two salads. >> You look like the people when they get a a vaccine. >> You look like a small dog shaking. You guys don't get your flu shot. They're going to turn you gay. You know about the one girl shaking and it's about her getting Taylor Swift tickets but people took it and thought it was about No. >> You know what Swifties? I love you. >> Give me your money. >> Swifties never change. Never change. >> Love you. Portland, Oregon. >> Dubai. South Carolina. Singapore. Hong Kong, Thailand, South Korea. >> That means I love you in Japanese. >> Wait. I think what language your mother in Arabic >> she still doesn't think the Middle East exists so she'll be >> I'm working on that with her. >> You know what that means? >> What? >> Yeah. >> Mhm. Mhm. I've had one of those. >> That's one about getting your history checked. >> Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. The same way that geology is like the big animal with a long neck and geography is like the study of rocks >> and giraffe is like where places are on a map. Guric Park. her favorite yeah movie about giraffes. This mashed potato has like the essence of plastic that was in the cafeteria during Michelle Obama's reign. >> Okay. >> And for that I loved. >> Okay. Period. >> Like it's like the taste of like micro doing lowincome housing. >> Okay. I didn't have to micro dose that. I lived it. >> Were you? >> It was when you moved to Jersey. >> How is Dalt? >> It's probably like pepper and Swedish. >> Oh my god. Eight. What comes after 67? >> Eight. >> Is that what that is? >> You ate that. >> Let me see. >> You ate that. >> Stop mama. This looks like an S. >> It's a pee. I know it's salt and pepper. >> Oh, >> what if I just like >> Oh. >> Oh my god. There's so much. It just like exploded like like last night. >> Mind you, you stayed in your bed with nothing last night. Shoot and blank. Spending 45 minutes going to Yahi. Nothing's coming out. >> How do I bring it back? It's gone. >> I can help with that. Is it progesterone? >> I can help with that. >> No, you don't help with that. >> Oh, no. Trust sister. When I get this third, these two tongues, high point, you're about to squirt. They are going to need to create an Olympic level of goonery and you're going to be crowned gold. You're going to shoot across a football. >> Gooner.edu. Sign up today. >> Yeah. >> Balladictorian, head mistress, headmaster. Sorry. >> Thank you. Emphasis on the dick and valadictorian. Just >> as a head master. >> Oh, I am a head master. Period. >> He has to literally what I was saying. I'll make you squirted across the football field. a crazy sloppy puppy. >> Wait, did I say that right? >> What? >> Yeah. >> Okay, I didn't. What did I get wrong? >> Beginning to endang. >> Now, why you lied? Why you always lying? Why you lying? Lying. Oh my god. Stop lying. >> I'm shocked because I bought a 40 pack of Teimu Rose toys for 12 cents. Um I hooked them up to a car battery, put them in my [ __ ] and they exploded. >> The best feeling we've ever had. >> Still trying to chase that high. >> I gave myself DIY bottom surgery. This [ __ ] it's a blast sight cuz the boys have a blast in there. Step your mouth. Your big >> god damn. What's that mouth do? >> Oh well. >> Calculus. Algebra. Arithmetic. >> Algebraic. >> Mathematical. So gay math. Cumulus. >> Yeah. Algebraic. >> Pyometry. >> Geometry. >> My mouth is right here. Daddy. >> Fill her up. Please. Fill her up. Please give me the mustard. Put the mayo in. >> I was begging you in the corner. >> Spare change. >> Spare chain. >> Oh, I was talking about her piss. >> I was talking about the Squidward me. Thank God isn't here cuz we have to fit her. Size 15 feet and 7 foot. Not too much on [ __ ] with big feet. All right. Crusty the clowns of the world. I'm with you. >> Me my big size 14 women's feet. This [ __ ] is so gorgeous. >> Thank you. >> I was thinking about her. You could never be a black woman. That's oomph. By the way, shout out to fem queen captain on Twitter. Go support the dolls. >> No, we love Vivian. I'm just >> who's we? >> Oh yeah. I kind of like Vivian. It's just get on medication, girl. Don't make me wait. >> She made us wait 3 hours. >> I love you. >> Wait. >> They don't love you like I love you. >> It's Matt. >> Matt. >> Yeah. You look like I give a >> No, exactly. >> Like you never do. Period. No tampons in a diva cup. Period. Menopause. >> Oh, don't make that face. Just on pause. Wait. >> I'm Israel. >> Wait, wait. No, no. Come here. Come here. >> No. No. No. >> Let me tap on it. Let me tap ON IT. >> I NEED some tap. >> Oh, okay. Hold on. I'm I'm going to go refill this. I'm dorking. Dorking. He's a 10, but he dorks on TikTok. Unironically. Unironically. >> Well, there actually there's always a little bit of irony. >> I would still hit it. >> Thank you. >> I like a man that I think is beneath me. >> You're real for that. >> Yeah. Sorry. Oh, he's embarrassing. He's a little stupid. Easy to manipulate. >> Now, if she's a 10 and she dwarfs kind >> thousand. Yeah. >> Mask lesbians looking for a fem Asian sub. >> I'm right here. >> Please hit me up. >> Yeah. >> If you want a fem Asian sub, hit me up. >> You live in LA. >> I'm in a very Chinese time of my life. >> You're my age and older. >> Older. Sarah Paul in it. >> Date of 80year-old. >> Yeah. No, that's fierce. >> I look 80. >> If you're looking for somebody that's 32, >> I'll let you do this to me and more. >> I had to do it. Unfortunately, it was You have to like hold me down. >> Baby, you barely touched your um honey mustard and your chicken th >> No, please. You have to eat. Baby, baby, you have to eat. >> I'll eat it. I need to eat. I need to gain 30 lbs. So g off that salad and eat that [ __ ] chocolate cake. Little boy. Little boy. >> Say it again. Say it again. >> What? >> Say it again. >> Little boy >> again. >> No. Who said that? >> Who said that? >> Was it Coco? >> What >> was it? A Al Alyssa. >> Oh, Coco said it boy to um to uh Serena. >> Mhm. I speak three languages now. English, Spanish, and ghetto. The ghetto is a place. >> So don't call someone a place. >> Newman's own balsamic vinegar. Newman's own cup. You taste good, girl. Oh, don't piss me off. That big ass chopper trying to You're like a like I said, a whale just filter feeding. >> Farts and everything. >> Mama, blue whales. They all filter feed. >> What do you tell me? Please tell me. >> What does the blue whale do? >> Um, she serves body. Isn't it the biggest like the largest animal? >> Yeah. My favorite insult is you're competing to be the biggest mammal on earth whenever someone >> You have fat phobia. >> No fat phobia. >> No, you do it to me. I eat so much. >> No, I don't. >> That's a lie. >> Girl, I'm on camera literally telling you to eat more so you can gain weight. >> Yeah, but then off camera you go, "Okay, whale." Okay, panda. Okay, panda. >> When I eat my celery, that's how I see myself. See, notice how she said, "That's how I see myself." >> Right. Wake that up. Yes, because my mom calls me fat until I was 21 years old. Yes, I still have Trump. >> A >> This bad podcast is brought to you by Better Help. >> No, stop. >> Never that. >> BetterHelp. We don't do anything but take your money. >> Better Help. We make you worse. >> Is BetterHelp Stockholm syndrome? >> I don't know. >> They like try to convince you like, "No, this is right." >> Let's ask the expert Vivian. She would know. She knows all about it. Oh my god. Look who's back. Long time no see. I'm >> so glad it's not really yet. >> Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. >> Oh, why? Why is that? Why you happy you don't have to do work? >> Huh? >> I'm working all day. >> So have I. >> Okay. >> I put in the work. >> I have a job here now. Wherever you are. That's not the lyrics, but right. >> What is it? >> Near. >> Yes. >> Wherever you >> I'll be here. >> I'll queef here >> in your big mouth. >> Ah, >> we're like a >> We're like a soundboard. >> Is it sounding like >> Yeah, >> you would. >> Yes, I'm >> rod. >> Yes. Spiked ribbed for her pleasure. >> Ribbed. >> Yeah. >> What do you mean? So, what's sounding? >> Okay. You think >> the rod? >> Yeah, I'll do it. >> We are going to pretend. We didn't hear that. >> That's fierce. Thank you. We've talked about this on the podcast. >> Have we? >> Sometimes you say things that I'm just like I said if I love someone enough. >> Yeah, I'd love him. >> No, just like micro do having like a you know, insertable body. >> Do tell micro do a what? >> What's that? >> A sippy straw. Yeah. A built-in sippy. Wait, that's my sippy cup. >> This is my cookie. It's my juice. >> My juice box. >> Oh, it's yellow. Oh, it's so accurate. Ooh. Oh. Um, this cola. I got cola. Cola. Can you see? >> This cola is located. >> This country is insane. So, >> Sweden. >> This is the Netherlands. >> IKEA. >> Yeah. >> No, it's not. >> Yeah. No, it's not. >> It says on the receipt. >> No, it's not. I thought this was Sweden. >> No, mama. This This is not the Netherlands flag. >> Yes, it is. >> No, it's not. >> Yes, it is. >> No, it's not. >> Girl, >> the Netherlands flag is like blue, white, and red. >> It literally says taste and quality IKEA of Netherlands. >> It's just Sweden. >> Oh, she's gaslighting me. You actually thought >> I did it. Now granted, you asked me to put on the map where any of the European countries are. >> Too long. Dominican Republic. TLDDR. >> Are we sure that's not Mexico? >> Okay, girl. He's here. This is obviously like Guatemala. You were just there. >> Guadalajara. That's where I was. >> You were in Guadalupe. >> I know. I was in Guantanamo Bay. >> Oh, where is that again? >> I don't know. >> Okay, we still don't know what. Let me >> Are we sure that's a real place? >> Yeah. Okay. >> Oh my god. Who texted me? Viviian, how dare you? >> Oh, it's a detention camp. See, I thought I knew that. Guano Bay. >> Yeah, on the coast of Cuba. >> Where's Cuba? >> Wait, wait. Next to DR. >> I think it's next to Puerto Rico. >> They're all kind of next to each other. >> Wait, wait. Let's see. >> Those are the ABCD islands or >> Huh? >> ABCD island. >> What does that mean? >> Cuba, Dominican Republic. >> Where's the A? >> Look it up. >> No, it's just CD. Crossdressers. >> CBD. Bahamas. Bahamas. >> Wait. Wait. Wait. No. I swear. No. I had someone I learned it by asking Chad Jeep. And you did it at my birthday dinner. >> She's not kidding. >> Girl, stop. Don't make them think. >> She's the biggest AI lover I've ever seen. And it's kind of disgusting. >> Oh my god. Aruba. >> Aruba. >> My mom just went there on a cruise. That's why you worried about it. >> Oh. So, is it true that they like love sounding there? >> Okay. So, I'm going to walk away again. >> Can you I hate for you to walk away, but I love to see you go. >> You want to get some water with me? >> No. >> When you're gone, can you stick out your gat for the Rizzler? Stinking out. Look at how flat it is. Stinky. What are we talking about, babe? Kind of awkward. I feel like you hate me. >> No. Yeah, I feel like you hate me. It's kind of disgusting, actually. No, I'm just guess. >> The man keeps staring at me. He looks like the guy from Upen derogatory. I don't want that. >> He wants act 12. can go sit in his little naughty station like the bad boy he is. >> What play >> girl? >> Did you actually think I was getting sad? >> No, I didn't. >> I was a little confused. >> Oh, okay. >> I was like, "Oh, okay. >> That was really good, actually." >> Was it really? >> Yeah. >> You want to try it back? >> No, [ __ ] I don't like I don't really like chocolate. >> Yeah. >> Am I the only one who doesn't like spice? >> Yeah. >> Oh, >> what? >> Wait, wait, wait. You mean I can do it? You going to put the whole thing in your mouth? >> Yeah. >> Go for it. >> You've seen me put my fist in my mouth, so Oh god. I'm sorry, y'all. >> Bottoms up. Oh my god. Yeah. It's not holding in your mouth. Oh, don't choke. You're choking. Yeah. Good boy. A little. You have a little dookie on your lip. >> It's so good. >> You want the COVID vaccine? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Hey. Hey there. Hey there. >> I get on the COVID vaccine and then start composing all you. I don't actually know it. >> Me neither. >> Yeah, I'm not a committed junko fan. >> Sorry y'all. We're fake, but we're going to learn this year. >> Are we? >> I will. Who's we? >> Oh, we speaking French. >> He me we they she we them. Vegan, vegetarian, non-binary. It's scary. I give it two stars. All righty. When are we going to get ready for the real adventure? I'm done with this. >> Me, too. >> I would say >> I love the ice. The ice is the best part. The crushed ice. >> Ice? >> Yes. But 7.8 20 out of 10. It made me wet. >> That's not hard to do. >> Wetness. >> You haven't been touched by another person in like a month. >> Wait. >> Same. >> No, it's been months. >> Down there is just or it's like >> it's tripled up. >> No, like a water tank like ready to burst. It's not >> No, I think it's tripled up. Yeah, >> it looks like the um the old grandma who has chocolate in his sponge like >> Wait, you have a dip from an anime of like a person inside. It looks like an anteater's mouth and it's like wrinkly. It looks like an uncut dick. That's what it's like shriveled up. What are you talking about? I have that. >> Yes. You sent it to me >> when when we first started being friends and I was like, "Oh, this is just how she's going to type." >> Oh, I don't remember. >> Do you have like a thing of grips on your phone? >> No. Was it a sticker? >> I found it. I found it. >> Oh, that I completely forgot about that. Yeah. >> Thank you so much for watching this video. We're about to go explore IKEA on my page. So, make sure to comment, like, subscribe, and go over to my page. I learned Scott. >> Do you have anything to say to your >> Let me ask the audience. >> You're a he lesbian. Hit me up. If you're a he lesbian with any dignity and self-respect, you won't hit her up and you'll hit me up instead. >> You're already dating a he lesbian. >> Can I ate that? >> What would you know about getting ate? Nothing. >> Actually, here from I have a picture of >> I'm good. So, like >> not We're done. We're done. You're It's No, >> but like is it >> I'm walking away too at this point. No, it's >> No. You sure? >> Yeah. >> Don't forget everything is less than three. Everything is less than