When It All Catches Up With the Narcissist

Many narcissists can run from consequences for years and nothing happens to them because they lie about everything. They manipulate people. They replace people. They convince everyone that they are the victim. But then something happens. Everything that they have spent years avoiding or running from begins to catch up with them. And when it does, it's nothing like what they expected. Many victims question themselves. They wonder if any of this affects the narcissist. They wonder if the narcissist ever faces consequences because from the outside, it may look like they don't. They move on quickly. They find new victims. It's as though the past doesn't really affect them. And you're the one who is left with emotional pain, grief, sadness, trying to make sense of everything that happened, trying to understand because they're off living their best lives. Or it may seem like they are. And there's you trying to put the pieces back together, trying to figure out why this even happened. But here's what people don't see. Narcissistic behavior isn't sustainable because all of their lies, mediplations, and relationships are built on control rather than genuine connection. The cost may not be immediate, and it may take years for all of this to finally catch up to them, but when it does, the consequences and the cost are even more severe. And sometimes the biggest consequence isn't about losing you. It's about being left with a person they have desperately tried to run away from all of their lives. Hello everyone. I am an arc survivor. I have been making videos on YouTube for nearly 8 years. I help empower people who have been abused in narcissistic relationships and I also do one-on-one consultations. For more information, please go to narksurvivor.co.uk. Now, let's get into it. They build a life that never feels safe. It never feels free from danger, harm, or risk. They spend their entire lives crafting and creating an illusion of power and control. But maintaining this illusion becomes exhausting because they just keep doing the same thing over and over again, hurting people, having no accountability, and assuming they're going to get away with it. But they never do because it always catches up with them in the end. It is an illusion of power and control. In reality, they are abusers and that is why their entire identity depends on external validation and eventually the external validation runs out. They can't sustain it because it's not authentic. So they end up constantly having to monitor people, constantly having to be in the know about how they are perceived. Can you imagine constantly scanning the environment, scanning what's going on around you all the time? Because this is how they have to live just so they can ensure they're getting the validation they need because their entire life is a lie. And you have to remember those lies. It is incredible how a person can even function in this way. But they do for a certain amount of time. They are hypervigilant. They're always scanning what's going on so that they can adapt their behavior to it. They are shape shifters. They're constantly molding themselves to the environment. So they have no idea who they actually are. And this is a problem. It's why their image management becomes a full-time job. And they have to function at this level every day which is not sustainable. It results in them getting tired and burnt out and this is why you will see cycles of behavior. Sometimes they are vibrant and confident but other times they will retreat into themselves. They will hide away in their homes and they won't communicate with you for quite some time. But they're not feeling sorry about what they've done. They are replaying every conversation, everything that was said, so that they know how to emerge from the darkness in a more confident way. It's not about them worrying about what someone has said or what they have done to you. This is about them recounting, moving back and shrinking away because they are resetting themselves. And I have seen this in my own interactions with narcissists. They can spend an entire day or evening sitting at home drinking lots of alcohol. It's really weird. But then as the relationship goes on, they will begin to hide these things from you. And they will only let you see them when they're more lively, vibrant, confident, fresh-faced until they may seek out a new supply. And then they're disappearing late at night. Maybe they're coming back the next day and they look tired. And you begin to clock these patterns. You begin to see how they have now found someone else to do these things with. someone else who they have assigned to this darker part of the cycle when that used to be you. But it's not you anymore because you're not going to remain in this perpetual spell that they have you under. They know they can't have their way with you like they used to. And they don't want you to see that side of them because if you do, you will learn how they function. You're intelligent, so you're going to learn what's real and what isn't. And this is why you may notice that your friends slowly distance themselves. And your family members may become cautious because they're beginning to figure out who this person is. They can see what they're doing because people do notice these things just like you did. You didn't remain stuck in it. You're no longer under the spell because you saw through it. Other people can see through it as well. So they see how this is something that was induced in you. And then they question if they were charmed in a similar way. They may not stick around just to question why this is happening. They may just leave. But these are the types of people narcissists are trying really hard to avoid. They don't want people to see what is going on. And that is why they trap you so that you never see it. You never work it out. But most of us do figure it out. Eventually they will rely on strangers, people who don't really know them, people who haven't experienced the medlation over a long period of time to give them the validation they're looking for. It really does get to this point where they are relying on strangers to do that because you may notice that a lot of narcissists don't have really good friends, especially as they get older. Everyone seems to disappear because they see through it now. They see what is going on. And as the narcissist gets older, it's harder for them to maintain their mask. They don't have the energy anymore because they have hurt so many people to the point where it has really affected their confidence. So they can't charm people like they used to because they already know it's just a matter of time until they destroy this new person just like they did with the last one. But then people also become wiser. We are all becoming wiser as time goes by which makes it difficult for the narcissist to keep reinventing themselves and eventually success stops filling their void. It's not fulfilling anymore. They no longer care about the status, money, sex, or achievements. As they get older, they just haven't got that energy anymore. And that is something you will really notice as they age. Because when they were younger, they were more full of life. They were vibrant, energetic, enthusiastic. But as they got older, they become dull, uninteresting, boring because they've been focusing on hypervigilance every day. And then they're going into their cycles of darkness, which creates a cycle of endless dissatisfaction. So, as time progresses, you'll notice that they just become more isolated because nobody can deal with someone like that. It is exhausting and they may have kept it going for years, but eventually people just can't deal with it anymore. Even their own children will start setting boundaries with them or they will start seeing them less or there will be arguments. Their friends will disappear because it's just the same thing over and over again. People see through it now. They know the game. They know what they're trying to do. But the narcissist will see this as betrayal. So they will act like they don't really want you. They will go and get someone else. But they never do. So their confidence diminishes and they get weaker and weaker with age. It was much easier for them to run away from the reality of who they are. When they were younger, though they were living their best lives, they had friends. They were going out. They had partners. But as they're getting older, they're getting tired. They haven't got the energy to keep running anymore. And all of their maladaptive thoughts, their avoidance, withdrawal, and substance use, which may have helped them to escape stress initially, will only lead to more anxiety and isolation over time, which will age them and drain their energy, and they become even more suspicious. They fear abandonment. They never fully trust anyone and yet they constantly need validation and they're not as sharp as they used to be. So the tactics that worked for them when they were younger don't work for them anymore. And while society changes and the world moves on, they're still stuck in the past because their formula worked then, but it doesn't work now. You will rarely witness things catch it up to the narcissist and instead they may look happy online because social media isn't real life. They will hide their failures. They will replace people before they notice their failures, before they notice the mistakes they have made or before people figure things out. They will disappear when things collapse and constantly reinvent themselves. But they will get their karma. It is inevitable. And if you do ever manage to get a glimpse of what they're going through, it will be something you never forget. If you have a picture or you remember what they look like years before and then you see them several years later, they often look almost unrecognizable and everything about them changes. They look much older than their actual age. their behaviors over the years really affect them and it shows physically. We may never know exactly what goes on in their minds, but just think about it like this. Think about the damage they did to you. Think about everything they put you through. Think about how much of their lives they spent acting this way. And then it should give you some idea of just how messed up they are. But it does get to a point where you will have seen enough and you don't want to see anymore. You've already seen the train wreck, the car crash, and it just takes you down a dark road. It may fill you with dreads about who or what they're going to become. So, it's better just to let them get on with it because it all catches up to them while we continue to rise, we continue to heal, and we continue to prosper. because that is what we do and that is what I want for you. That was your past. It was a mistake. You weren't fully aware of what was going on or what you were getting yourself into. If you were aware of it, you would have been running in the opposite direction. And they know that. They're not stupid. So don't let it define you. It doesn't need to define your future. I hope this video has helped you today. If it did, please show your support by giving it a thumbs up. Subscribe to be notified when I upload a new video. For a deeper understanding of these relationship dynamics, you're welcome to book a one-on-one with me. Just go to narc survivor.co.uk. Thank you for watching and I will talk to you soon.