Video summary
The speaker takes viewers on an adventurous ride using a newly received Traxus e-bike, utilizing its pin-lock socket system which allows for easy removal and reattachment of the prosthetic leg without needing bulky separate sockets. This specific model features fat tires and a throttle assist that is particularly beneficial for the creator, who sometimes experiences pain or stiffness in their remaining leg. The throttle provides a safety net, allowing the rider to coast home effortlessly if conditions become too uncomfortable, ensuring they do not feel stranded on the road.
A significant portion of the video focuses on the speaker's recent decision to move away from Colorado Springs after living there for most of their life and experiencing various traumatic events within that city. Despite initial fears and a tendency to suppress emotions, the creator made a conscious choice to leave in order to force themselves into a new environment where they could finally breathe again. This relocation has been described as one of the best decisions of their recent years, marking a turning point in their ability to stop fighting against their feelings and instead begin processing them openly.
Throughout the journey, the speaker reflects deeply on their lifelong habit of suppressing emotions, viewing feelings as dangerous or something to be denied in order to appear better or move through difficult times faster. They explain that for thirty-two years, they judged themselves harshly for feeling sadness, anger, or confusion, often diving into despair rather than acknowledging these states. However, with the help of therapy and a new mindset, they have learned to embrace the bittersweet nature of grief and anger, realizing that allowing oneself to fully feel these emotions without judgment actually leads to peace rather than chaos.
The video concludes with the speaker returning home safely, noting the physical effects of the cold wind on their phantom limb sensation while expressing gratitude for the support of their community and sponsors. They emphasize that giving oneself mental space to acknowledge, grieve, and process emotions—even in small increments—is a vital part of the human experience that many are not taught but desperately need. By practicing vulnerability and connecting with others when safe, the speaker has found a revolutionary sense of safety within themselves, proving that it is possible to feel okay while simultaneously navigating deep grief and anger.
Read the full video transcript
good morning my beautiful internet
friends I just wanted to show you real
quick what Peak athletic performance
looks like this is what I look like the
majority of the time let's go on
adventure so I was recently sent the
Traxus ebike and I want to take you guys
on a little bike Adventure today and
talk to you about something that's been
on my mind I used to do videos like this
all the time that were more like vloggy
follow me around day in the life and
they kind of went out of style on
YouTube but I felt like doing one today
step one you guessed it put on real
clothes for public consumption also get
my leg on
[Music]
she's so cute no one's going to be
listening to a single word that I'm
saying we're going to do a little
something different for today's video I
wanted to take you on a biking adventure
and I was going to find some like
picturesque place to sit down and talk
about this thing that's been on my mind
but I got to that beautiful place and
there were other people around and the
thought of like doing the influencer
thing and setting up a camera and a mic
it just it just felt like it would be
ruining the experience for everybody
else so what we're going to do instead
is I'm I'm going to take you on the
adventure as I am talking about this
thing okay something kind of cool about
my leg this is a pin lock socket meaning
all I have to do push the button pop it
off and previously I've made videos
about having a separate biking leg I no
longer need that because I have a pin
lock for every day it's not as like
bulky around my knee and so I am
actually able to Pedal without having to
bring an entirely separate socket which
that is a relief fine Mom I'll bring my
jacket do you hear my dogs very upset in
the background that they aren't coming
with me don't make fun of me for the way
my helmet looks it's safe so a couple of
months ago I made a very knee-jerk
decision to move out of Colorado Springs
where i' lived basically since I was 10
years old I was in a relationship for a
decade married for seven the entire time
we lived in the springs and there were
additional traumatic things that
happened in that City and I always took
this perspective of I don't want to
leave if I have a bad feeling towards a
place but after one conversation with
someone where I was like I really I just
feel stuck here right like emotionally I
feel stuck I'm just I'm going to do it
and so very quickly I found a place I
signed a lease so that I would like
force myself to actually do it I was
genuinely very scared to move for a lot
of reasons I talked about that in my
moving video but it was I think the best
single decision I have ever made for
myself in recent years because oh my God
I have been able to start actually
breathing for the first time I want to
say in decades one of the many things I
like about this Traxus ebike is that it
has that throttle so that especially
when I'm like getting started right I
can just hit that throttle and then like
find my balance get pedaling from there
it makes a surprisingly large difference
in the ease of getting started I like
many of us have always had a very
complicated relationship with my
emotions I learned at a young age
suppress those suckers right you don't
want to feel things uh feelings are
scary they're dangerous they're bad
don't do it just say no which led to
some very unhealthy and somewhat
dangerous coping mechanisms throughout
my life and in the past couple of months
with the help of therapy for the actual
first time in my life I started feeling
emotions without judging them or always
trying to intellectualize them and one
of the most interesting things to me is
that everything has been so deep deeply
Bittersweet and I think that's something
I used to fight like if I was in a good
situation I'd be like I should be happy
I'm judging myself for not being better
if something felt a little sad I might
completely dive into like the depths of
Despair and in this process of making
peace with what I feel Everything feels
Bittersweet and I've begun to actually
grieve so many things that I think I
desperately needed but had no idea
having to walk away from a relationship
that I thought was forever I invested
every bit of my being into I did
everything that I could there is so much
to mourn there is so much sadness there
is so much anger there is so much
confusion at times and moving away from
all of those memories having some space
even from people who I love very very
dearly but we're so entwined with all of
that I've begun to feel happiness that
is just happy I've begun to actually
process things so I just stopped to
adjust my seat height cuz it felt a
little low I was like on the side of the
road I was pulled off plenty of room but
two different bikers were like hey are
you good hey are you good so lovely when
people are nice and watch out for each
other it is turning into quite the
beautiful Colorado day all right so I
made it about 15 miles so far we're in a
pretty little dirt bike path and I no
longer hate myself for having emotions I
think this is so like this sounds so
hypocritical for me to say out loud
because I have always very much promoted
feeling things publicly personally
whatever I think the reason for that is
because I struggle so deeply with that
in myself so I preach it very loudly
it's okay to feel things it's okay not
to be okay it's okay to take a break
from life for a while you know be angry
that's important all of that but in
reality the like 32 years of my life
I've just hated myself for feeling
things deeply and like denied that and
it is absolutely lifechanging to be able
to be really angry and feel that fully
and be like I am freakin pissed and then
it like actually moves through my body I
don't have to do anything about it right
I don't have to act out in anger but I
can be mad and be lifting weights and be
thinking all kinds of angry things and
it doesn't make me a terrible person and
then maybe 20 minutes later I am
genuinely happy about something without
it all feeling so diluted because I'm
not denying myself feeling so I recently
started weight training again which is
something I very much enjoy however I do
find it extraordinarily annoying that
I'm now hungry 24/7 like I can't go 2
hours without eating something I feel
like which is why I bring protein bars
everywhere I wanted to talk about this
it feels very self-indulgent right being
a YouTuber is pretty self-indulgent
sometimes but to encourage you if you
are someone who resonates with any that
I said but allowing yourself to feel
things even if it's for 2 seconds at a
time that might extend to 4 seconds next
time right even if it's in little pieces
I think is such a vital part of our
human experience that not many of us are
taught giving your self mental space
feel that acknowledge it grieve it be
mad about it cry about it I believe does
allow us peace on the other side and I
have begun to experience peace in my
life since moving and since doing some
of this work for the first time ever
it's revolutionary for me to actually
feel okay while also being deep in grief
and deep in anger and hurting I feel
safe with myself that's a new one one of
the things that I find bizarre about
being an
is that if I'm cold right if I'm a
little chilly it's like 40 out it's not
bad at all I don't even need a winter
coat but my legs are a little chilly
when I'm biking and there's something
about Phantom Sensation that gets wonky
with temperature where if my meat leg is
like a little cold right my non-existent
Phantom foot will be ice freaking cold
fully immersed in an ice bath just
freezing so as I'm pedaling it feels
like one of my feet is like getting
frostbite thankfully it's not cuz it
doesn't exist there's some quote from a
movie that's just been ricocheting
around my head that goes we cut off so
much of ourselves to be rid of things
faster the idea that we're hacking off
emotions and hacking off pieces of
ourselves because it's uncomfortable
because it's difficult because we want
to be through it we want to be done we
want to be better we want to not feel
this way and in doing so we disable
ourselves we deny ourselves Humanity
feel the things ask for help connect
with people be vulnerable where it is
safe for you to do so that's what I've
been trying to practice it's been
working very
well and we are safely back home I did
underestimate how cold like 38° feels
when you're moving in the wind cuz by
the time I got back I could like not
feel my fingers lessen for next time
also I just want to say a quick word
about the ebike that I'm using thank you
so much to trxus for sending that to me
for sponsoring today's video if you have
ever considered getting an ebike I would
highly recommend you check them out Link
in the description the model that I have
is their fat tire it's the lyx one I'll
put the link to the actual one that I'm
using in the description as well but if
an ebike is ever something you've
thought about getting whether you are an
Adaptive biker like me or not I think
they are absolutely amazing I could not
bike without them because as you guys
know sometimes my leg gets a little
finicky gets a little painful and I get
really scared of being stuck places
stranded on the road somewhere and using
this ebike makes me feel safe because it
is assist of pedaling so if I want to
Pedal it's going to help me with that
and if things go to hell and it's way
too uncomfortable I can literally just
throw throttle all the way home this
bike in particular I believe it has at
least 33 Mi of just pure Throttle No
pedaling necessary as someone who really
likes biking I think they are the bees
needes now I know I know real bikers
don't like them but I am a okay with
that if it allows me to still go outside
and do stuff thank you so much for going
on a little adventure with me today I
hope you're hanging in there I hope
you're taking care of yourself I hope
the new year brings beautiful things for
you and I will see you there thank you
so much to my patrons for supporting
these videos thanks again to trox for
sponsoring it and to you lovely viewer
yes you watching this video right now
thank you so much for spending a few
minutes out of your day here with me
today and Leo scratching his ear meaning
that my camera is probably shaking you
could be anywhere else in the
world doing anything else what you chose
to hang out with me here for a few
minutes and I really appreciate it I
love you guys I'm thinking about you and
we will see you in the next video Mah
bye
guys
[Music]