Video summary
Chris Bumstead addresses the experience of losing one's sense of direction, noting that while he currently feels lost regarding his future path beyond bodybuilding, he believes this state is an opportunity for discovery rather than a failure. He emphasizes the importance of maintaining constants in life when external circumstances feel chaotic, citing the gym as a crucial anchor that provides structure and postural upkeep even during periods of uncertainty. Bumstead argues against staying stuck on a clearly defined but unfulfilling path until old age; instead, he suggests that being lost allows individuals to slow down, reflect on their true desires, and determine what they genuinely want to pursue next without the pressure of immediate productivity. Central to his philosophy for navigating this transitional season is the concept of relationships as life's ultimate "cheat code." Bumstead explains that feeling seen by a supportive partner, such as his wife, provides an unshakeable sense of safety regardless of external success or failure. This dynamic allows him to separate his self-worth from outcomes he cannot control, like whether his daughter loves him in the future. Instead of tying his value to her potential rejection, he focuses on living up to his core values by being a good father and showing up with integrity. By controlling how he acts according to these internal standards rather than obsessing over external validation or specific results, he maintains stability even when facing identity crises regarding his career as an athlete. The conversation delves into the tension between process-oriented effort and outcome-driven motivation, particularly in high-stakes environments like the Mr. Olympia competition. Bumstead acknowledges that while it is ideal to detach from outcomes and focus solely on discipline, training, and nutrition, humans are inherently "telic creatures" driven by goals and destinations. He uses the analogy of running toward a tree with fruit; without the vision of an outcome or reward system like Uber's estimated arrival time, sustaining peak performance becomes significantly harder because dopamine relies on approaching a goal to maintain motivation. Consequently, he admits that completely ignoring the desire for accolades might lead one to stop striving entirely, suggesting that some attachment to results is necessary to fuel the intense effort required in elite sports. Bumstead also critiques the "tiger mom" archetype where parents demand performance from their children while holding themselves to lower standards because they view their offspring as a vehicle for vicarious achievement rather than individuals with intrinsic worth. He contrasts this with his own approach, which prioritizes being the best dad he can be over ensuring specific outcomes like wealth or fame first. While recognizing that it is easier to claim detachment from results when consistently winning, he questions whether such enlightenment reduces effort and if one should wait until they have achieved abundance before exploring a life beyond performance metrics. Ultimately, his message encourages listeners to find their values within what they can control—such as character and daily actions—and trust that clarity will emerge through reflection rather than forcing immediate answers during times of loss or transition.
Read the full video transcript
What would you say to anybody that's
lost direction in life in the way that
you have?
I would say I'm still in the midst of
it, but I do believe it will be for the
better. I feel like the path I was on
wasn't I knew when I was on it wasn't
the best for me. So if I stayed on that
path, I might might not might not be
lost, but I'm not discovering anything
else. And at least in being lost, you
might discover something new that's
better or different, but still good. You
know, better is a subjective word. I
guess nothing will be like the Olympia,
but things will be incredible in my
life.
>> And I would say actively, like I said,
the gym has been like the
>> thing for me of when I'm lost, it's
always there. So having a constant in
your life, having something within your
control when things feel out of control
to just go do just to give you that
little postural upkeep, I think is so
crucial. And again, that's why like
young kids were like, I don't know, I
don't know too much. Just go work out,
go lift weights.
>> Start there. Just get jacked and figure
it out. Obviously, you can't just get
jacked, figured it out from you can't
just stick with that. But I think
understanding that a lot of people don't
feel lost their whole life, but they're
just stuck in this like box until
they're 70 and they're like look back
and they're like, "How did I get here?"
You know, because they had such a
clearly defined path for them and maybe
it wasn't where they wanted to be. So an
being lost is an opportunity to stop and
slow down and reflect where you truly
want to go. And that's what I'm trying
to use that for right now and being
like, "Oh, it's time to do this that
that that." It's like people are like,
"What are you going to do next?" I'm
like, "Right now, nothing. I'm not
adding anything to my life because I'm
trying to figure out what that is. And
it's okay to be lost right now.
>> Telling myself it's okay to be lost
right now.
>> Dear Christopher,
>> it's okay to be lost right now.
>> It will get better and you'll figure it
out. And just do what you can. Fill
yourself up right now. Learn who you are
in this season of life and
>> just trust that whatever will come will
come.
>> Isn't it uh poetically ironic that the
thing you walked away from was the thing
that you needed to give you structure
after you'd walked away from it? The gym
was the kind of the thing that I left
behind.
>> And when I worked out what it was that I
needed to do in order to get myself at
least back in a good state of mind, it
was go back to the gym again.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Everyone needs some kind of
constant in their life. And the the true
cheat code is relationships. How so?
>> Just the ability to
be seen by someone else I feel like is
such a cheat code for life. If you're
feeling lost and you feel alone,
there's like the genuine the word lost.
Would you rather be in a forest by
yourself or with someone else who is
lost with you? It's so it's just such a
drastic thing.
>> And I feel like the being able to be
with someone through hard times and
understanding I'm dealing with all these
issues of identity. I'm losing this. I'm
losing that. Did people like me for
this? Am I losing followers now? Am I
going to be the same? Is this going to
still be a part of my life? do I still
care about this? But when I go home, my
wife doesn't treat me different. She
doesn't see me different. She just sees
what I'm going through and loves me the
exact same no matter what I'm doing
externally. Whatever success I have,
that's it's like can't define it better
than a cheat code for life. There's no
better confidence and ability to believe
in yourself than when someone else says
and when they see you no matter what.
And you feel safe to be whatever you
need to be with them.
>> Whether you win, whether you lose,
whether you stop, whether you keep
going.
>> Yeah.
>> I'm still am. Yeah.
>> Where does your selfworth come from now?
Then I think that's the
if there's challenges with sort of the
structural side. What does my day look
like? What do I do? What am I working
toward? There is sort of a momentto-
moment who who am I and why am I
important? And I've lost followers. Oh
my god, I'm irrelevant. People don't
care about me so much anymore. Who's the
next hot thing? That's whatever. Um,
where do you think about selfworth
coming from post retirement?
I would say
by genuinely knowing and believing that
I'm living up to what my most important
values are. Like for example, if I want
to be a good father,
if I know I'm showing up as being a good
father, that's my value.
that's within my control then I feel
good but the difference of that of like
oh I want my daughter to love me or be
happy with me or whatever it might be
something like that is out of your
control in the moment and those are what
I would worry for where if my daughter
looked at me and she's like I hate you
dad which probably will inevitably
happen at some point and then my self
worth is attached to her not hating me
so then I have a crumble and I believe
it and then I act in a certain way
rather than being able to dissociate
with that and be like what are my values
being a good dad am I being a good dad
Yes, I know I have been being a good
dad. My self worth isn't attached to her
not saying she hates me. It's in how I
know I show up.
>> And in believing in my character and who
I'm being. So when she says, "I hate
you, Dad."
>> I can not react to that and be able to
be like, "Something's going on with her.
What is she experiencing?" And I don't
have to have the selfish response of,
"Well, I need to get her to love me
now." It's like, "No, she's hurting
right now. Let me be there for her." And
I feel like that that is I mean that's a
double cheat code of being a good dad
and having controlled selfworth, but
learning to apply your values or learn
what your values are and live by them in
a way that they're within your control.
>> Well, I mean, how wonderful it would be
if people could do that in the Olympia.
I didn't win this year, but I did my
best. I gave it my all. I did all the
rest. It seems like
I'm trying to work out what the
difference is between those two
pursuits, right? Uh, be good dad is
process, raise daughter well is outcome,
right? Something like that. Like
>> yeah, whatever the whatever the way that
the child interacts with me being a good
dad is, right? It's like even if there
isn't specifically an outcome,
>> we could come up with some equivalent
equation for the Olympia like um
train and eat in a disciplined manner,
right?
>> Win Olympia is maybe one of the
outcomes. But those two things aren't
necessarily linked. You can do the first
one and not get the second one. And you
can get the second one without
necessarily doing all of the things of
the first one. I'm sure you had cheat
meals at some point.
>> Someone else will have done too. But for
some reason, the
>> constitution that you have and the way
that you approached it, your cheat meals
and volume of and missed reps,
individual missed reps and, you know,
shortcuts and stuff
allowed you to still win at the end
>> and for somebody else doesn't. Yeah.
>> So I my point is I wonder whether it's
easier to be a bit more
embodied and mindful and sort of gentle
and um
like not philanthropic but like
charitable sort of like giving in that
way and less attached to the outcome
because it's more
resonant and it's more in inner than it
is and I will get the accolade on stage
And I will, which is maybe why the sort
of classic tiger mom archetype of the
parents who are living vicariously
through the performance of their
children are stricter with their kids
than they've ever been with themselves.
>> Yeah.
>> You know, they demand a level of
dedication and performance from their
children that they don't from themselves
because
>> their children are a performance. They
like that outcome of that child is them.
that's their goal that they're working
towards as opposed to I just want to be
the best dad I can be or I just want to
be the best mom I can be.
>> It's it's tough and I've had this debate
and I have no idea the answer of like
when you're working towards something
like that and you're like all I care
about is that I gave my all. I did
everything I could and then whether I
win or lose I don't care. Sounds
beautiful. But does it
>> and easy to say when you keep winning
>> and easy to say when you keep winning of
course but does that is that is it
possible is it does it make you better
or does that level of like enlightenment
also turn you into a place where
you there's no desire attached to the
outcome it's just in the effort and then
does that lead you to less effort
>> I I think it's unrealistic you this is
where
the rationality and the emotion kind of
come into conflict with each other. And
it's all well and good to say
um if I was a closed system or if I was
some GPT that I could program, this
would be the optimal way to do it
because it allows me to maximize utility
in the moment whilst reducing stress
about the outcome which facilitates
performance to achieve the outcome. But
that's not how humans work. like we are
uh um like telic creatures, right? Like
we're working toward this tlos, this
goal, this thing that we're aiming up
at. You go without that, all of this is
[ __ ] all of the the steps that I'm
using to get myself toward the
destination
like this is supposedly the reason that
the dopamine system or one of the
reasons that as you approach a thing
that you want, let's say it's a tree
that's on the horizon that you know has
some fruit in that you need to bring
back. As you run toward the tree and the
tree slowly grows and grows and grows
and grows and grows on the horizon, you
get closer and closer and closer, you
feel reward because it motivates you to
keep going or else you go, "Fuck, it's
still so far away. I can't be bothered.
So, but if the tree was not there or if
you didn't know where the tree was,
running towards is way harder. The same
reason that Uber works. Uber works for
two reasons. First one is that you can
order a cab from anywhere on the planet
with one app. The second reason is you
know how long the [ __ ] cab is before
it gets to you. So, you go, "Ah, it's
only 4 minutes away. That's good." And,
"Oh, it's getting closer." And think
about how frustrated you get when the
guy takes a wrong turn and it goes from
3 minutes to 4 minutes and you're like,
"God damn it, he's got to go around the
one way." Um, I think it sounds great in
principle to say detach yourself from
the outcome, just focus on the process,
all the rest of it. And that might be a
useful thinking tool, but practically
when it comes down to can I grow some
[ __ ] corn out of this strategy.
I'm yet to see anybody that performs at
the peak of their sport, including you,
most mindful champion that I've ever
spoken to
still
like sort of glanced at it a little bit.
Yeah.
>> Like had a little side eye look at it
and was like, "Fuck off." I would I
would wonder if someone would even be
driven to achieve that goal if they were
in that place
>> because it's unreasonable
>> because it if they're in a place where
like what what's that outside thing
driving them probably a self worth
selfworth issue if they feel like
they're completely good as they are win
or lose maybe they well why am I even
doing this
>> you know like the people who like I joke
a lot about doing Iaska haven't done it
would love to one day still haven't done
it yet but I've spoken to people like
I'm just afraid like I'll just won't
like my life anymore more. And in my I
don't know what it's like. I haven't
done it. But in my idea, the vision is,
well, if you don't already don't love
your job, you're doing it for the wrong
reasons. It will just show you that.
People like, well, I want to be rich
first and then I'll do it because I'll
be detached from money afterwards and
then blah blah blah. Well, if you're in
a journey to be Mr. Olympia and you
awaken and you're like, I don't care
about the outcome. It's like, well, why
am I going to suffer through all this
[ __ ] and beat on myself every day
and keep pushing through all these
moments I don't want to if I don't even
care about the outcome? Maybe maybe it
is a better way to live to not care
about the outcome. But maybe it will
lead you to not doing it at all.
>> Which again, if you're there, you won't
care,
>> but it's just different. If you're in a
place of your life where you'd rather
keep yourself in that box and achieve
the things and get the abundance and you
no, it's really good for me, but I still
want to do it cuz it's fun right now.
And then I'll go on the other side and
open up beyond that.
>> But when are you ready to do that? Does
it matter? Like
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