Video summary
When you choose to go silent on a narcissist, you are effectively reclaiming your power by removing yourself from their cycle of manipulation, a move that they find deeply unsettling. Narcissists thrive on eliciting reactions, whether it is anger, surprise, or emotional outbursts, because these responses provide them with the validation and control they desperately need to regulate their own unstable emotions. By refusing to engage or respond, you deny them this supply, forcing them to confront a reality where they no longer dictate your attention or behavior. This sudden withdrawal of focus triggers what is often called narcissistic injury, as it exposes their core wounds regarding rejection and abandonment, leaving them feeling exposed and humiliated since they cannot introspect on their own actions.
In response to this loss of control, the narcissist will likely externalize blame, launching a smear campaign or attempting to gaslight you into believing that you are unstable, crazy, or at fault for everything. Instead of taking responsibility for their behavior or seeking redemption, they will deflect criticism by projecting their insecurities onto you and trying to convince others that you are the problem. They may reach out intermittently not to reconnect genuinely, but solely to draw you back into their orbit to punish you for your silence or to extract a reaction that restores their sense of dominance. If they do not get a response, they will often seek validation from secondary sources of supply, potentially moving on to new targets while simultaneously trying to maintain their damaged image by putting you down behind your back.
Ultimately, the narcissist's inability to change means that any future contact is merely a continuation of the same toxic cycle rather than an opportunity for growth or reconciliation. They are incapable of owning their mistakes because admitting fault would require them to face the shame they have been avoiding, so they will instead hide behind accusations and distractions to protect their fragile ego. While this silence may cause them significant distress and lead them to engage in childish behaviors like spreading rumors or seeking revenge, it serves as a powerful tool for you to identify true friends who support you without needing to defend your character against false narratives. By maintaining your boundaries and refusing to play the victim role they expect, you expose their manipulative tactics for what they are, allowing you to move forward while they remain trapped in their own repetitive patterns of dysfunction.
Read the full video transcript
what the narcissist thinks of your
silence.
So, you've gone silent on the narcissist
and now you're wondering how they will
deal with it.
How do they view the no contact?
But this is good because by going
silent,
you are taking your power back.
Comment down below. Let me know how long
you have been with a narcissist and how
long you have been silent.
I read all of your comments.
And check out the Knox Survivor
community page
where you can share your thoughts,
questions, experiences, and post images.
You have removed your communication.
You have stood your ground. You have put
boundaries in place.
And they probably don't like that. So
now they may be punishing you or you may
be secondguessing yourself
because you don't know how they think
about your silence.
But by the end of this video, you will
know
the narcissist does not like it when you
take control.
They don't want you to be in control.
They don't want you to do something
about it.
They don't want you to take
responsibility. They don't want you to
respond.
They want you to react, to show emotion,
to be angry or surprised, or to push
back against them,
to keep you under the influence of a
stimulus or prompt.
They don't want you to actually remove
it or to solve the issue
because then they're not able to
manipulate you.
They can't use your energy, time, or
emotion.
You see, there was never really a
problem.
They created a problem out of nothing.
They needed a problem
so that they could know what you were
thinking or feeling.
And then they could use this information
against you because that's what gave
them control.
And that's all they want.
They want to control a person or a
situation
to get their desired outcome.
But now you've got no contact.
You've shown them you're not down for
this anymore.
You're not willing or ready or excited
to join in on this plan or activity.
You're no longer hyped or enthusiastic
about it in the way that they groomed
you to be. And they will hate this
completely.
It may even cause a narcissistic injury
because they take it as rejection as
though you are saying no to their
suggestions or offers. You're
withdrawing your attention and focus
which is one of the most devastated
experiences for them because rejection
and abandonment are their core wounds.
So it will trigger them.
It will hurt them
when you remove yourself.
When you're no longer interested,
when you don't care about whether
they're good or bad to [music] you, when
you're done,
this will trigger the narcissist
and they will hate it
because it will expose everything they
buried deep down within themselves,
everything they try to project onto you
and to get you to associate with.
Now they're left with their own warped
illusions and desires by themselves,
which is a very uncomfortable experience
for them.
So all they can really do at this point
is figure out how they're going to get
you back. And they may even seek revenge
for this. They may start expressing
their hatred towards you because they're
very annoyed,
but they're externalizing it.
They're not going to introspect.
They're not going to think that maybe
they cause you to think this or maybe
they cause you to react like this or
maybe it's because of their actions.
No.
Narcissists don't do that. Instead, they
externalize their blame.
They will blame you and they will be so
annoyed.
This is why they initiate the smear
campaign.
They have to put you down because you
have exposed them. You have triggered
them.
Their core wounds of abandonment of
rejection.
But they do not want to show it. So they
will deflect. They will externalize the
blame and say that it's all your fault
because that is the only way they can
feel better about themselves.
Deep down they know that after the
things they've done, there is no making
amends. There's no redemption. There's
no fresh start and that is why they
don't come clean. That is why they don't
own it.
But for you, it's different. You can
accept responsibility. You can start
again. They can't.
And they know it. They know they've gone
too far. So all they can do is hide.
And a person who hides has no intention
or ability of changing anything. They're
just going to repeat the same cycle
again and again. So they might reach out
to you again,
but it will never be enough so that you
have the power because they have to
maintain their image.
But there may be some communication
and it's really just deflection. They
just put it back onto you without any
accountability or any desire or
intention to correct their wrongdoings
because they don't want to change
anything.
They want to stay in the loop.
So if they get back in touch with you,
it's just to see if you're feeling well,
if you're mentally unwell, if you're
mentally unstable,
if you're losing your mind, if you're
going crazy.
And it's because they can't accept that
they have done something wrong. So the
focus is on you. The focus is on what is
wrong with you after everything you've
been dealing with.
But of course, they're not going to
mention that. They will come back like
nothing happened because they're not
going to introspect. They're going to
externalize the blame.
And for many survivors, they won't even
reach out to [music] you because there's
too much shame and they don't want to be
shown up again.
So sometimes they may not get back in
contact with you and you may never hear
from them again.
But if they do contact you, it's just to
draw you in and punish you for taking
control because control is very
important to them. It's what gives them
confidence, attention, and validation.
So it [music] is really important to
them because they're unable to self
soothe. So they rely on other people to
provide this for them. And when their
wounds are exposed, they may need it
even more. This is when they typically
ghost you and they extract validation
from their secondary sources of supply.
And you may become a secondary source if
you have gone silent long enough or if
they have discarded you to the point
where they may have advanced someone
else to the primary position.
Now they may be experiencing shame
surrounding this new person as a result
of the things that they may have done to
them. So they may reach out to you for
validation.
But if you go silent, it can be really
embarrassing for them because they don't
know how to deal with it.
So even when they come back, it isn't
about connection. They're just trying to
get supply. They're trying to reel you
in. And that is how even if you give
them a chance, they would soon gaslight
you and make you believe it's your
fault.
because they don't want anyone to take
control
to where they could peer in at who the
narcissist really is or what they've
been doing.
They don't want everything to be
exposed.
And this is why they hate it when you go
silent
because at that point they've lost
control of the situation and your
emotions.
So when you go silent, they may blame
you. They may say you're unstable.
And these are the same things they may
be saying in the smear campaign. The
focus is all on you and what's meant to
be wrong with you so that you don't
dissect them in that same way.
Because these types of people usually
have a lot of skeletons in their closet.
They have been doing people wrong for a
very long time, long before they got
involved with you. And the smear
campaign is often just a diversion
tactic to prevent people from digging
into their past.
But this is why when you expose them,
you trigger their core wounds and then
they hold a grudge against you. They
want to show you up. They want everyone
to see that you are the issue.
So this silence is very painful for
them. But they're not going to show you
that. They're going to conceal it by
being involved with other people, other
situations, other things. They're going
to keep themselves busy to distract
themselves.
And if they're around people who you
both know, they're going to be putting
you down to prevent anyone from
questioning them. So, it's all just
about making everyone believe you're
wrong, which is very childish behavior.
Because why invest so much time into
blaming someone when you're not
investing even a fraction of that time
into correcting [music] things?
It really doesn't make any sense.
You can see where their priorities are
and it is all just a reflection of their
own insecurities.
It's a projection
because they're never going to
introspect.
They're never going to change.
They're just going to play the victim
so that they can feel better about
themselves
because they can't stand that you have
taken control.
They need [music] their needs met. They
need their supply. They need validation
and they need it 24 hours a day.
So once it's gone and they can no longer
control you or manipulate you, it
becomes really irritating for them
because now they can't get validation.
So they try to resolve this by reaching
out to you and talking behind your back
and it's all [music] just to make you
react
because they've smeared your name and
told everyone you're the problem.
And when they do this, even your own
friends and family and people you've
known for years can turn against you.
But if they can turn against you that
quickly and easily, they will never void
you. So you don't need to defend
yourself to anyone
because this will only reveal who your
true friends are. The people who really
support you. While for them, all they're
left with are fake friends and shallow
connections.
People who don't really know them.
People who don't really understand
what they did to you
or people who don't even care.
I hope this video was helpful for you
today.
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For more personalized support, you can
book a one-on-one consultation with me.
Go to narks survivor.co.uk.
Thank you for watching and I'll talk to
you soon.
United