What REALLY Happens When You Go No Contact With A Narcissist

What really happens when you go in contact with a narcissist? You felt like something wasn't right about the narcissist. You felt like something was off with them. Everything was fine for them. They were quite happy with how things were going. They didn't see any problem with it. Sure, it was toxic. It was dysfunctional. But they weren't doing anything to stop it or to steer you in a different direction. They weren't trying to intervene because they were quite comfortable with it. But something didn't sit right with you. Something felt wrong or unacceptable. It produced a sense of unease and discomfort. Certain details didn't add up. And maybe their behavior seemed strange. So something caused you to snap out of it and regain your focus to where you then made the conscious decision to pull away to leave the narcissist. And that is when you began to heal. You began to recover from everything they put you through. You began to regain your sense of value of how you could be important, worthy, and useful in a more positive and meaningful way. You regained your respect for yourself after you disengaged in something that was harmful to you, something that was affecting your self-esteem. You redevelop a clearer sense of mind where you were free from confusion, stress, and cluttered thoughts. You're no longer confused, no longer pacing back and forth. out of anxiety, stress, a lack of mental stimulation or emotional discomfort. You're no longer in a state of uncertainty or waiting where you have no control over the outcome and nothing is being decided and you don't know what will happen or when something will happen because now you have reached the ending. You have escaped the revelation. You have exited the funhouse. So, now you may be wondering, what does the narcissist think or how do they feel once you've moved on and you're really healing and now you're happy and contented and you have something else going on in life that fulfills you because this is your personal development. It's the intentional lifelong process of improving your self-awareness, skills, confidence, and overall quality of life. And it's probably already the direction you were headed in before you encounter the narcissist. But this is what you've got to understand. You may struggle to stay the course when you're dealing with a narcissist because they use you up. They drain, exhaust, consume, reduce. They cause you to lose value over a period of time because you're giving and giving and getting very little back in return. It's not worth your energy or time because what you're getting back is not equal to what you're giving out. It doesn't meet the equivalent of what you're able to put out or of what you're able to produce by yourself. So when you're engaging with them, you always lose. You don't gain anything. It may look like you do because they drain you and they starve you out over a long period of time and then they breadcrumb you and those breadcrumbs can seem like gold dust when you haven't had your basic needs met for a significant amount of time. So, in that moment, it may feel like they're breathing life into you when in actuality, they're just doing the bare minimum to keep you ticking so that they can continue extracting from you. And over time, it really takes its toll on you. It may diminish your virtues, your good moral qualities and high character standards, everything that people once admired about you, everything that made you who you are. Because when you're dealing with someone like this over a long period of time and you can't escape, it's almost like you can't afford to maintain these positive qualities such as patience, honesty, courage, or kindness because it puts you at a disadvantage. It's to your detriment and you're just trying to survive in a situation that is gradually destroying you. While nothing good seems to come out of staying calm or facing delays, telling the truth and being fair, or showing care and concern, these things typically don't get you anywhere when you're dealing with a narcissist. It only causes you more harm, loss, damage, or disadvantage because they're constantly feeding off your energy, capabilities, and productivity. So, they strip you of all of these things. But what really reveals just how cruel and disturbed they are is when even though they are the antagonist and they are the one who is causing this situation to happen after they have depleted you of things that once made you vibrant and dynamic and brought you down to a low level. Now they are ready to attack you and put you down for it and hunt you down for not being able to perform after they have had a damaged effect on you. As a result of the suffocating effect they tend to have on their victims where they may suppress your autonomy through actively blocking, controlling or undermining your capacity for self-determination, independent thoughts and free choice because this is what they typically tend to do. And it restricts growth, expression, freedom and activity in their victim because it creates an environment where you may feel trapped, inhibited or unable to act freely. So they strip away the naturally happy and contented person that you were. And then they start criticizing you and put you down for it. Even though they were the root source of this, the fundamental origin of how this happened to you, but now they want to step on you for it. It's like kicking a horse when it's down. They want to further damage you because now you're not providing them with a fuel that they become accustomed to. And that is why in the end they belittle you. They make you seem small and important or valless through criticism or negative remarks. So, they don't want you anymore and they see it as though anyone would better than you because another person who they haven't interfered with yet looks a lot more vibrant after you already did so much for them. But when you're looking for some uplifting energy in return, the narcissist is nowhere to be found. They're off working on the next target, the next individual to groom and victimize next. This doesn't mean that they have left you completely. They may still be around you occasionally, but now they're more ungrateful and unappreciative. They take things for granted. They're not acknowledging what makes you valuable or special. They're not reciprocating the praise or virtues that you gave them, the things that they were so satisfied with. So eventually, you will burn out by trying to complete them and make them happy. And it doesn't matter who you are or how great you are. Eventually, they will begin to weigh you down. They will use you up until you have nothing left to give. And then they will view you with contempt. You become worthless, despicable, inferior to them at that point. And they see it as though they can do better. They can find something that's really going to satisfy their desires, needs, or cravings, which is foolish and reckless behavior because they've just demonstrated that they can't be satisfied. but they will leave you with dead or you may be fortunate enough to leave before it gets to that point. Either way, you come back to yourself and you start to rebuild. At first, you may feel like you're not getting better, as though you're always going to feel hurt, confused, afraid, distraught by what they did to you. And you may not wake up one day and notice the sudden improvement or change. You may not just suddenly revert back to your old self again. It may develop in small shifts or changes. And it may be one day you look back at an old photo of yourself or maybe an old video since a lot of people like taking videos these days. But it may take you back to a time when you were with a friend or maybe you were at the beach. And you may have felt worked up or you may have felt disconnected. But now you feel more present in your body and you're not overly sensitive or emotional. And that may be the moment when it hits you that you're not the same. You have changed. You have healed. You have made remarkable profound improvements, a night and day difference from the person you were maybe just one year before. But when you were around the narcissist, it may have felt like a hopeless situation where you were trapped and nothing could ever get better. But that's because you were under their control. You weren't given the freedom to grow. And they projected what they knew to be true about themselves onto you. You see, they have no intention of healing or changing anything. It's not something they want to go through, and they have no interest in doing that. They're quite comfortable in manipulating unsuspected victims and exploiting them for energy or resources. But in order for them to keep you, they have to convince you that you're the problem. Because why would you remain in a situation where you know you're not the issue? And yet it is actually the other person who is determined to not make the necessary changes. Once you realize that it's not you or that there's nothing you can do to help them, at some point you're going to pull away. This is why they're so determined to not take accountability for anything. They always blame you because these habitual patterns of behavior that they are engaged in are so ingrained into their personality. But when you move on and you're doing better without them, it becomes proof, verification, a confirmation that they are not the good people they project themselves out to be. They're not what they believe they are and they're grandiose delusions of themselves. They're not what they make themselves out to be. And they're actually the exact opposite. So when you leave and you move on and you become happy and you do better without them, it causes a major narcissistic injury. All of the negative associations and traits that they were projecting onto you become a mirror reflecting back to them who they really are. It reminds them of how they failed to be something of value to you. And it leaves them feeling inadequate, jealous, envious, because now they have to look at you after they had to come up with all these explanations in their mind of why you weren't any good for them in order to make themselves feel better. But yet, you move on and you do way better without them. It completely destroys the false narrative that they constructed about you, about them being so great and everything else that they depend on to regulate their emotions. So once they see you constantly doing good, constantly being happy, constantly thriving in life without them, it destroys the defense mechanism they built up to not depict themselves as a problem or as the defective one because they're constantly having to witness you being great. They're having to witness you shining. And the last thing they want to see from a victim or a survivor that's escaped them is for them to move on, succeed, and do better than when they were with them because it just makes reality even more difficult for them to deny. But they will typically construct new narratives in their minds. They were never that important to me anyway. They only succeeded because of what I gave them. They were always the difficult one. They're pretending to be happy. They're obsessed with proving something to me. They'll eventually come crawling back. I rejected them. They didn't leave me. Or even if they are forced to accept the effects that they had on you, they can still change the meaning of that knowledge in order to protect their self-image. That's just how I am. People are too sensitive. You have to manipulate people or they'll manipulate you. I do what I have to do to get what I want. But deep down they are angry, jealous, envious. They can't stand it that you have moved on. And this is why their medlation is so important to them so that they don't have to be left alone by themselves realizing that it is them. Because even when they try to get back with you, it's not to reunite. It's not to make anything better. It's just to prove to you that they weren't the problem by proving that you're not doing as good as you think you are without them because everything is about them. They're full of themselves. So, they try to come back just to prove that you're not really happy. You're not really doing good without them. And if you entertain it or if you have any doubts that maybe things could be better or that they could make you feel better about yourself, then it just becomes all about destroying that happiness you have [music] anyway. So the lesson here is to be grateful for what you have. that when someone comes into your life and starts acting negative or acting as though what you have isn't that great or that you're not really that happy, just stop and think about what their motive is. What do they want from you? Because why would someone set out with a goal of destroying your happiness and contaminating yourself? But that is how you should know they're not happy. They are very miserable people and misery loves company. Your life may not be shiny or glittery. It may not be that exciting or adventurous, but at least it's simple, functional, peaceful rather than chaotic, disruptive, or uncertain. And I think that's what matters most. Having something stable instead of never knowing when the next argument is going to come, the next fight. constantly worrying about if you're not doing something right or constantly giving in to the never-ending demands. Sometimes the greatest peace is leaving the storm behind, even if it means sailing alone. Have you gone no contact with a narcissist? Let me know how long it has been and how you're doing on your healing journey in the comments below. I read your comments every day and I look forward to hearing from you. If this video was what you needed to hear today, please give it a thumbs up. Subscribe if you're new to be notified when I upload a new video. And for more resources for survivors of an narcissistic abuse, check out my website. It's narc survivor.co.uk. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.