What Kind of Man Can Be Trusted?

The answer is now. But we going to talk about it. And for those of y'all who not from the south now mean not one now one. And but this what you got to realize it. It is it does come a point and a place where we can grow. we can break through and get to the point where we can be trusted. Now, the answer is not comfortable. It's not common. It's not agreeable. And nobody really knows what it looks like. Everybody says it, but then doesn't know how it shows up. And that's the hard part. One of the most cliche things that women say is make sure that man is surrendered to God. Make sure that man is a man of God. Make sure that man loves God. But what does that look like? Because you praised G. Craig Lewis. You praised TD Jake. You praised every pastor you've ever known. And yet you found we're all flawed. The Bible says a faithful man who can find. So this is a process. It's a process of surrender. It's a process of maturation. It's a process of obedience. It's a process of breaking and I wrote about the purpose arc and when you get a chance to read the book or join the community you'll see the purpose arc and it's a point in the purpose arc that is called the breaking and a lot of men never experience it and that's why a lot of men can't be trusted because in order to be broken You first have to be exposed. You have to be found out. And this the hardest thing in the world. And it's hard for me because I have to speak in first person, second person, third person, and then also I'm called to this space, but yet not trusted because of you're not supposed to trust man. And then also because of so many people have failed. So to be in it and to be honest about it and loyal and faithful to my calling, but yet know that there's always going to be skepticism because people who you thought would never fail failed. People who you thought never made a mistake had made mistakes. People who you thought didn't have a dark past has a dark past. So when you find that out, you get to the point to where you're like, who can be trusted? Who really lives what they teach and preach? And the thing about it is, as long as what you're hearing works for you, and it helps you and it benefits you, then use it. And don't worry about who's living right and who's not because all of that is going to come out. What what don't come out in the wash, going to come out in the rinse. and you gonna see it. But here's the thing that and if I had to put this into a formula that somebody could steal and add to their sermon and or to their book, I would say when you meet a man, you need to see if that man has identified a purpose for his life. as is there something bigger than him? Is it something beyond his deadend job that he is excited about that he is pursuing and it's meaningful? Whether he working at a group home, whether he want to mentor the youth, he want to be a a sports coach or a music teacher or instructor or something that he wants to give back from his mind. He want to create great products or projects that bless people, touch people lives, change people lives. What is it that he wants to do? What is it can he do? What is he excited about? What is he passionate about? What is he working on? That's the first thing that you need to see. And the reason why I say that is because that's an extension of being surrendered to his maker, being surrendered to God. Because you'll say, "Oh, he need to be a man of God." And you'll take that as he goes to church on Sundays. He quotes scripture or he reads his Bible. And so you'll drop your guards and say, "Oh, well, I can I can listen to this man. I can trust this man because he always talking about God." And that's not the case. That's how you get fooled. That's how That's how y'all got to forgive my son in the group, Chad. His first game, first college soccer game was today and it got cancelled cuz the other team crashed into a semitr right in front of the stadium and flipped over. Kid had to be carted to um put on a stretcher to the to the hospital and they crashed into a semi with flammable gas. So they got very very very fortunate that it didn't catch flames and you know burn. But my son life is like a movie. Like I I I really want to produce a documentary on his story. And if God will and he become a pro soccer player, man, it's going to be one of the greatest stories ever told. It's going to be insane. But back to what I was saying. So you'll take and you'll fall for that. And and I'm going tell you just from first person from first person because I can't really speak for every man and I don't know the inner workings of every man. But the reason why I'm faithful to my wife is because I've bought in to my purpose. And when you buy into your purpose, there's a sense of responsibility that comes with it. So, even if I didn't have three and a half million supporters online, which is really followers, not really supporters, but cuz if you look at the purpose pushers community, that'll show you how many supporters I got. And so, and that then that's rather shocking, but you learn something about support in this world. And so, most people don't support. Most people don't trust. Most people don't love. Most people don't care. And so you really just working and bumping your gums to be bumping your gums. And and people more so just watching and waiting for you to disappoint them. And they're holding their breath waiting for your flaws, waiting to see when are you going to fail? Because what I'm seeing can't be real. What I'm seeing can't be true. So what are your flaws and when are you going to fail? And that's because most people don't believe in God. We have what I call Christian atheist to where you don't really believe. And when I say you, I'm not talking about directly you, but I just mean people at large. The majority don't really believe in the redeeming power of God. Don't really believe that God can heal someone. He can renew someone. He can call someone. He can use someone in a real way. Most people are just hoping and going along with it and just waiting on waiting on the other shoe to drop, waiting on the fallout. But for me, the reason why I'm faithful to my wife is because I've bought into my purpose. And so I think about it like this, okay? There's people who listen to me. They hear what I say. They listen. They take it into account and if it makes enough sense, they make changes in their life and they're doing it based on the changes that I've made in my life. So they say, "Hey, if he's made changes in his life and it has produced this and he has this and he has that peace, abundance, whatever it may be, I want a piece of that." So, if he's talking and he's saying this is what it takes, I'mma listen because I know like the quote says, somebody else's quote, success leaves footprints. So, I'mma listen. And so, because I know that people listen, it holds me accountable. Do I want to explore another woman? My flesh, hear another woman's laugh, get to know another woman, have sex with another woman. It seems intriguing. It seems fun. It seems like what would make sense just like with uh Yoda and Joey. Joy the bad a and uh yada the awakening and Derek Jackson and whoever else out there that we've recently watched fall into whatever it may be temptations of the world lust of the world. And so that that's appealing to every man if he's honest. But then we also just saw a guy at maybe Ohio State uh coach or administrator that was released from filming up people's skirts or something like that. And then the 49ers owner who one of y'all know him put me in touch with him who was, you know, he's a billionaire trying to buy $140 prostitute. So all of this stuff comes into play and you see that you see men risking their name, risking it all for a little bit of sex or a little bit of power, a little bit of money. So that's attractive to every man. Now men choose different ways to war. So for some men it's on their hard drive. It's the websites that they visit. For other men they doing stuff physically and they get into it that way. And then for other men it's just something that they may do maybe just masturbation and and they could keep it there. And the comedian Keel on stage talked about that you know he say he beat his meat and he keep it there. A lot of people don't understand how powerful that transaction is because when a man does that, it does empty the clip. Like it empties you. Like you it removes and steals your desire to go on the hunt for a woman. It it curves that desire because your brain doesn't know the difference between a hand and a vagina. All it knows is that if if the semen exited like if it had the prime pump and release the to the brain you just reproduced. Job job complete. So the desire and what have you, it goes away for a little bit and it'll come back but for the time being it goes away. And so that's what I call the lesser of the evils. That's what I call that. And y'all forgive my son writing me. So, I'mma pause and I'll come back. Y'all, I can't remember what I was saying talking to my son. He 19 years old. He texting me. So, I have to pause in and out and just be there for him when he talking. And, you know, cuz as you know, it's rare for for men to be open and and expressive and things of that nature. And it's rare for your son to be texting you. And it's also rare for your 19-year-old to be text you. And he texting me right now. So I got to pause whatever I'm doing and be there for him whenever he reach out. Cuz you know, a lot goes into that. And this my first son and we got a long story together. But back to what I was saying, and forgive me if I have to start over or say the same thing over, but I want you to realize that a a lot of men, every man has secrets and we all do things in a different way. And sometimes we will hurt ourselves. It's like when you truly surrender to God and to your purpose, you for me, I'll end up hurting myself like just drinking the oldfashioned, you know, having me a drink, which it doesn't I don't feel it cuz I'm 215 pounds. So, it's not like I feel it like I start yelling or cursing or anything like that. I'm not a bishop or a pastor. So, me having a strong drink is different. and I don't have to stand up, you know, on Saturday and preach. And if I do have a drink, I don't get on the camera or anything like that. But I've been out like on my retreat at dinners, we would the people who drink alcohol, we would have us drink and me and Pierre, he was the only guy there and his wife was with him. Me and him love a oldfashioned. And but technically that's hurting me. You know, it it doesn't hurt you. You can't feel it. Your body don't change. But if it's doing something to my kidney or my liver, it hurt you. And I can excuse it and be like, "Oh, well, my s and such drank a whole lot every day and lived till 80 plus, lived till 90. Jesus turned water into wine." And so some of us have those type of issues. Now, the thing that you notice the Bible talk about the most is sexual immorality. Like when it comes to like sin, like one of the biggest sins that we face and that we deal with is sexual immorality. See, for me, it's kind of unfair for me to talk about this in in in a way because I'm a relationship coach. So, sexual sin, it would ruin my whole name. it would ruin my brand. The same way the guys have ruined their name and their brand because they talk about love and relationships and then they fail in love and relationships. So, it ruined their brand. They'll never be who they were. They they could always make money, but they'll never be who they were. They'll never be seen how they were. And no matter what they said, they'll always have that stain on their name. I can't afford to take that chance. like this is how I feed my family too. Being a man of integrity, a reputable person, not per se from relationship advice because it doesn't pay well, although everybody thinks that it does, but it's a reason I don't have a Rolls-Royce. It's a reason I don't have a Lamborghini. It's a reason I don't have one of them big old beautiful kitchens and $3 million house. It's a reason, you know, I bought my house 600,000 and I had to do me a little deal. And so it's like it's a reason why I live a relatively normal but blessed life, but it's not a lucrative thing as people think it is. And I have to have countless streams of income. But yet the through line is I'm a man of integrity. I'm respected by those who support me. And if I breach that agreement between me and my supporters that I'm going to live what I preach and I'm going to lead with integrity, then I lose it all. And yes, I could go out and cheat on my wife and there will still be a sector of people who will say, "Hey, he's a man. He's human. He's failed." And they would stick around, but it probably would be like 10%. And that would crush me, not even financially, cuz I could go create a million different types of apps and become a billionaire off of technology like everybody else. But for me, it would be more so letting God down. And so that's why I say a man has to have a sense of purpose and that purpose has to be rooted in the word of God. And it's not about him reading his Bible. It's not about him going to church. It's about him living like Christ. It's about him having the patience, the temperament, the mindset, the hunger, the will, and the desire to live like Christ. Y'all forgive my text. He came back. M and so that's what you have to realize like it has to be deeper than just y'all had just came off pause. It has to be deeper than just a man going to church, a man asking to pray with you. And I'm going to be honest with you and I I'll be personally just direct with you from from my point of standard of what a lot of people don't understand. I don't go to church. My wife and I don't pray together and I don't read my Bible all the time. I've read my Bible my whole life. So, it's written upon the tables of my heart. Like I the Bible say, "Write this upon the tables of your heart. Bind it around your neck." And that's what I did when I read my Bible. So, I'm more so living the gospel every day and sharing the gospel that I've learned, that I live, that I've read. And the reason why I share that with you because a lot of times people have this certain idea of what it looks like. But I I only go to church on like Easter. And the reason being is because where I live, I'm the biggest in the city. So when I go to church, I can't really be fed because the pastor wants to be me and he wants to do dinner. He wants to hang out and then the I'm my brand is bigger than the pastors by thousands of times. like the pastor may have a thousand followers, maybe 10,000, maybe 20,000. So the members to everyday people, if you have a million followers online, you're a celebrity. And and no matter what anybody says, like, "Oh, I don't look at celebrities. Oh, I don't care about celebrities. Oh, this. Oh, that." It's not true. They Everybody treats you different. Everybody treats you different. Everybody wants to talk to you. Everybody is smiling in your face. Everybody wants a picture. Everybody wants to connect. Everybody wants to do coffee. Everybody and that's the unfortunate part. I don't treat people like that though because I know what it's like. And even when I was a regular person, like before social media, before anything, it just for some reason something in me, I never asked people for an autograph. I never asked people for a picture. I just for some I don't know if it's because I grew up reading the Bible and I knew the story of Jesus and how great he was that I just look at humans like humans. I don't idolize any human. I don't worship any human. I don't pedestalize any human. And I hate when people do that to me. I absolutely hate it because it strips me of my choice to be humble and to be human and it puts me before God. And I hate when women put on a sexy voice or a cute voice or try to talk soft and try to try to be extra feminine and and just want to talk to me and just want to book sessions to talk but really don't have nothing to talk about. Not doing any work, not putting in the work they said they was going to put in, not doing anything. And it's really just like you just want to be on the phone. And to be honest with you, that's why I raised my rate because it's like if you f to pay $400, $500, you either going to go broke trying to be a Jezebel and waste my time or your butt fa. You f to do the work that you come to me to talk about. And I can't really make exceptions on it because I have to guard my spirit. I have to guard my temple. I have to guard my eyes, guard my ears, guard my mind. I have to guard that because I got to remain faithful to my wife. I got to remain faithful to God. I got to remain faithful to my sons. My son talking to me right now. And so that's what you got to realize. And here's the thing. A lot of people don't understand God. So by me saying that, it's going to be people in the comments, "Oh, Tony, you need to go to church. Oh, Tony, you you don't read your Bible every day. Oh, Tony, you need to pray with your wife." And it's like you have the advice, but you don't have the results because like everybody else, you've been conditioned for traditionalism and for religiosity. But that doesn't fool God. That's why your life doesn't move forward. When what you do is about tradition, like you go to church because you grew up going to church. I understand that you don't have to go to church to get to God. And people take scripture out of context because God knows not everybody can go to church. And that doesn't mean they have forsaken the fellowship. And the reason why they had to fellowship is because they were being killed and Christianity was trying to grow and spread. So it said, "Forsake not to fellowship because that's how you're going to be strengthened." But I saw a guy talking about go to church, go to church, go to church. A YouTuber on here. Go to church. Go to church. Go to church. If you're not in church, you're in sin. You're not. And then he cheats on his wife. And it's like, see, cuz you made it about tradition and religiosity instead of about the real work. And here I am, never in church, but living the church, living the gospel, sharing the gospel, being the gospel instead of feeling like I have to be under four walls. And everybody is called to something different. If you if you notice, Jesus didn't go to church. He is the church. Paul didn't go to church. He he was he was sharing the gospel and then he got put in in prison. So, it's like a lot of times we we put things so concrete and and I and it's hard for me to even share this because it's so earthshattering because people are so just mentally trapped and people are so like rats in a maze and we so dumbfounded and so remedial and so on track mind. And but what the Lord is telling me is like, hey, you got to be honest because you're allowing people to be manipulated by pastors cuz nobody going to preach that more than a pastor for sake not the fellowship because that's how he pays his bills. But one day we probably going to have to have church in the wild. One day churches may be shut down. One day we going we getting ready to go through a recession to where people are barely going to be able to pay for the roof over their head, the food on their table and their transportation. People losing their job. Somebody told me over 600,000 black women lost their job. I don't even believe that. I don't even believe that number. It's so crazy. And that number could be real. Somebody just said I think 800,000. I don't even believe that number. It could be real though. Could very well be real. I know my mom doesn't have a job. My mother-in-law doesn't have a job. My sister just recently lost a job but got a new job and hopefully she keeps it. So those are the three black women I know. My wife doesn't have a job but it's probably not because she can't have one. Then my two sister-in-laws, one is a doctor, one is a lawyer. So they got a job. And my my my other my stepmother-in-law, she doesn't have a job. She's never worked though. And of course, her mom is past retirement age. And then my wife's aunt, you know, but and then uh you know, my my people, they work regular jobs. Like my my cousins and all that, female cousin, they all work regular jobs, whether it's customer service or one of them is a truck driver. Uh she's a lesbian, but she's a truck driver. And then the other one just like, you know, work in the office, just admin stuff, pushing pencils. But so I can't even wrap my head around 600,000. But that could be a very real number. We don't really know cuz we ain't count the 600,000. We just reading it somewhere. So we don't really know if it's true, but we read it online. We all saw at the same place online. And well, we ain't going to count 600,000 black women ourselves. So we don't really know. But I say that to say, how are you going to keep the lights on at the church if you can't keep the lights on at your house? And so what you think going to happen? So a lot of times like it's it's guys on YouTube make a whole living off of critiquing pastors and the shams and the scams that these pastors are running because they have that much content. like they will never go out of business. They will never run out of content. And what they don't realize is that these pastors really have no other option than to be fraudsters because they got spoiled in the feast when everyone had money and could give. Everybody wants to give to God. Everybody want to pay tithes. And there's people who don't even really love the Lord or represent the Lord and preach about paying tithes. They'll say, "Hey, pay your tithes." And and they're just doing it just like trying to be in right standing with God. And not even realizing that God doesn't judge it like the way the pastors spin it. God don't judge it like that. God looking at your heart. So God knows if you paying tithe just to like check off a box to be like, "Oh, I did my good. Hey Lord, this is my ticket to heaven." God knows that. And your tithe means nothing. So he looks at where you're giving from, not just where you're giving to. And a lot of people don't realize and understand that. So the reason why most men can't be trusted is because of perversion and lust. And a lot of men and people don't understand the spiritual side of it. So we're attacked at a young age and we're introduced to things at a very young age. I probably was five years old when I was introduced to the concept of a woman, which at the time is was a girl, and just sexual things. And you start trying to experiment kindergarten, we were playing house, and I get on top of the girl, get a few pumps in, we fully clothed. Then I roll off of my homeboy. He get on top her, get a few pumps in, then he roll over. And then the three of us laying up under the covers and she in the middle. There was a little white girl. She in the middle. My homeboy is a black boy. I'm on one side, he on one side. I got my hand around her or laying next to her. He got his hand around her, laying next to her. And then guess what? as high schoolers, we was running the train on on girls, you know, it went from it started in kindergarten. And the teacher, I think her name was Miss Caldwell, she was real little, like 4 foot six. She could have been 410, 411, something. But so she couldn't really see over the desk and stuff too well. She couldn't see from across the across the class or you know she couldn't see from too far. And so if she wasn't right up on you, she couldn't see what you was doing. And little white lady and and so when we got our little recess, we got our little playtime, she over at her desk. She trying to decompress, you know, she she tired from having 30, 40 kids, five years old. We loud. We rambunctious. So now guess what? In in story time, we had the little circles and it was like duct tape on the floor. So, we got this little circle, then a bigger circle, then a bigger circle, then a bigger circle. And me and my homeboy with our with our little white girl, we would sit on the back row on the biggest circle, the furthest circle, and she'll have on her little jean shorts. And I could still today remember the feeling of cold Buddha cheek on my hand. And we sitting in that back row. And I'm right here on the left. Little white girl in the middle. My homeboy on the right side of her. And I got my right hand on her left booty cheek. Down her pants on her left booty cheek. My homeboy on the other side got his left hand on her right booty cheek. And that's how we sat and listened to the lesson. Listen to the the the book she was reading, Little Red Riding Hood or whatever it was. People don't people don't believe that though. You You're not going to believe that. But it's just we ain't know what we were doing. I don't even know how we find out about that. And then when you in the neighborhood, you at somebody house, you playing house. And I remember trying to call myself trying to have sex. Ain't no ain't know where where it was supposed to go at. I ain't I was probably five, six years old. I ain't know where it go at. In the front, in the back. We ain't know what was going on. And so, and then 9 years old is when I learned how to eat peach cobbler. And y'all know, for those of y'all who done been here, you know what I mean. At 9 years old, young lady old, a year older than me, her mama became a lesbian. She had a magazine, dirty magazine, and she and I was over at her house and she said, "Hey, you know, you supposed to lick it." So, it's like, you know, I lay down and I open it and you lick it. And I'm like, "Wow, at 9 years old." I was just telling my client about this the other day cuz she was talking talking to me about her son and kind of you know him exploring his body and learning about his body and that's a conversation that I have to have with a lot of clients. So the thing about it is is a lot of us get introduced to this stuff at a young age and you could do everything you want to do, but your son still going to find out about nasty magazines, porn, sex, all of that. And it's just how much has he been talked to? Is there a calling on his life? It's almost nothing that you can do. You can talk to him. Like I remember I lost my virginity, like my real virginity in ninth grade. And the first time was with a white girl in the baseball dugout. And not trying to give white women a bad name or anything, but they a lot more sexual than black women. A lot of people don't realize that. Yes, there are black women that's very sexual because they was, you know, turned out, but black parents are typically a lot more traumatizing, a lot more abusive, a lot more because of what black people have gone through. So, a lot of times, black parents just will just scare the living crap out of you. Whereas, white parents are more so into gentle parenting. So, their children be a hot mess. Black people, we be a hot mess, too. But we more so sneaky with it or it's out of rebellion. But I've had the hardest time like getting my way with black women and the easiest time with with white women and then Hispanic women, but it wasn't a lot of them where I was. But one one night I was I I can't remember if I was I I was in college and I it was the summer and I had two two Mexican women at the same time in in the same at my cousin apartment, you know, back to back and they was cousins. they was cousins and just, you know, I was that guy and they they hadn't, you know, grew up and just seen me and always basically wanted a piece of me. So, both of them came over to my cousin house and went in the room with one of them, then went in the room with the other one and they was cousin. They was cool. They It was for them. It was like we we with Tony Gaskins, you know, we get to do get to sleep with Tony and it was my cousin his house where where it all went down at. And but at the same time, yeah, they were Hispanic, but it was a black girl I worked with down to the corporate office cuz I had a summer job at the corporate office of uh public supermarkets and we had a cafeteria where you go in the cafeteria and you get a full lunch, boy, they they feed you. And beautiful black woman, she probably I probably was 19 or 20 or something like that. She came up to me in the cafeteria and she slid my little note. I opened the note and it said, "I want to f the S out of you." And had a phone number. So, of course, young man now, I ain't no virgin. I'm knocking down out there now. So, I sent her a text message, got on the phone with invite her to my cousin house, wham bound, thank you, ma'am. And then it was another black girl. I'm I'm She probably was 35 at this time. Again, I'm 19, 20 years old. Hung out with her. went to the drive-in, you know, went doing me a little something, then went back to her house. She had her own house. Wound bound. Thank you, ma'am. And so it was two women in their mid30s. Here I am, 19, 20 years old. And then I knocked off both of them. And then it was an older woman. She was 41. She was my mama age. And then me and her started kind of dealing with each other. By this time, I'm about 20. and met her at the corporate office and she was married so she wouldn't sleep with me or let me physically, you know, touch her. She just wanted to flirt and sit in the back seat and laugh and talk and just kind of, you know, hug and all of that. It was like she wanted to feel young again, like she wanted to feel wanted. She was a black woman, too. these three black women and but never did anything. And I remember talking to her about my mom to my mom and mom was like, "Tony, please Tony, please don't do nothing with that woman. I grew up with her. That was my friend. We used to play together. Tony, please don't do nothing with her. That's that's my friend Tony. Like I know her." And cuz my mama 20 years older than me, so they was the same age. So at that time, you know, my mom was 40 412. And it's ironic because I'm 42 right now. It's just kind of crazy to think about, but this what you go through as a man. And I it was one I had one friend who looked like he got punched in the nose. And he said to me one time, he was like, "Ain't nothing you could do that I can't do." But truth be told, that's not true because I did a whole lot that a lot of my guy friendss couldn't do. And I I believed him for a second at the time. But I think he just wanted to to feel good about himself. But truthfully, I I was out there having my way and it was totally different. And so that's also a thing that a lot of women don't realize is you a lot of women say, "Oh, I'm not going to be with no man who got bodies and all of this right here." I'm going to be honest with you. Men and women are different in in this world. And and it's all and if a man has been out there and he has changed his life, that more so what you want than a man who ain't never been out there. If you going to pick a man who ain't never been out there, you need to make sure he can't get out there. Like you need you somebody to where he ain't scared to have no sex now, but he's not no chick magnet. Like women ain't chasing him. They they ain't beating down his door. He ain't making the kind of money that a woman feel like he could take care of two women. You want you a regular guy who decent looking, ain't scared to to drop the hammer on you now. Will put that thing on you, but it's not like women are chasing him. That's really what you want. I ain't going to lie to you. That's what you want. And and if not that and he and even that guy I I got a guy in mind that I'm thinking about and he probably I'm in college he probably had three bodies, you know. He probably had three bodies. So it's like he wasn't a virgin, but he also was no magnet. But he had them did his little thing though. Had him and had him a little variety. had him a a 6 foot2 very full figured biracial girl. Had him a, you know, a short full black girl. Had him a a very, you know, very large white girl. So had him a little variety. had him a very skinny, very slim, petite black girl. Some some of these from suburbs, some from the absolute trenches. So then when he finally met his wife and he got married, he hadn't seen a few things, hadn't touched him a few. So he's 100% faithful because he's not necessarily what women are looking for or chasing. And then he make good money but not enough to take care of two women. So he right in that safe he right in that safe zone. But he's also a man of character. Man of character. Good man. Man of God. It's some men who have gone through so much, seen so much, suffered so much, been through so much to where it's going to be hard for them to change. But I have I have seen it though. I have seen it. I have seen I got another guy I'm thinking about who was out there similar to myself didn't necessarily have the the full range that I had in the streets with women but right there like right there next to it and it just he was more so playing for keeps like me I wasn't getting women pregnant he he more so was type heart was just open hurting had some some pain, some trauma. So, he he was leaving it in women and and just had multiple kids from multiple women and couldn't really be faithful or honest cuz just, you know, seen too much. You don't trust nobody. But then he found God. He he changed his life. He started for him church. He could go to church and receive the word. Our our our life is different in that in that way. He was able to go to church and church benefited him. So that's why I say not everybody the same. There's nothing wrong with going to church. You go go every time the door is open if you could go. But we're not all the same. Some of us are called to lead. Some of us called to teach. Some of us called to be at the mountaintop. And then some of us called to be in the pews, you know, and in the valley and and and sitting and learning until it's our turn to be the teacher. And to each their own depending on what God got for you and when he got it for you. So he grew, he changed. And now to to my knowledge and and what I feel, I feel like he I feel like he is faithful. I feel like he faithful 100% faithful to his wife. Now, one thing that is going to be hard for every man is to be 1,000% just only their woman gets them. meaning that they Handela don't get them. They say 99% of men given the Handela. To be honest with you, I say to the women that's something that you shouldn't even concern yourself with. That's where the saying what you don't know won't hurt you. That's where that comes in at because you'll just be and I learned that as a man too because it's a lot of women that say women do that to themselves and if a and if a and I've heard women say if a woman say she don't masturbate then she's lying. But then I've heard women that say they don't do that. And then I've heard women who they learned about what toys were. And so nothing is true for every single person. You always going to have some people that are just different and they're rare and we have to leave room for that. So, I'mma leave room and and I I look at my wife like I live with my wife and I see my wife. So, like last night we laid down in the bed probably 9:45 and like by 10:00 my wife was knocked out. She gets up at 4:00 every morning. So if I'm on the road, I can honestly believe in my heart that my wife not laying in the bed playing with herself because I see how exhausted she is. And I know that's a mental thing. And then two, based on a woman's story, her history, her upbringing, not everybody is the same. And I and I literally will slap somebody in their mouth for talking about my wife or trying to put their horrorism on my wife or trying to make me think less of my wife. I fight by that. I kill by that. I don't play by that. So whatever she is outside of my view, that's between her and God. But I'mma keep a healthy and whole image of her. I'm not gonna believe because another woman is a that my wife has the same behavior or thoughts because I was a So I know what a looks like and what she feels like and what she acts like because I was out there. And that's why I married a woman who was the complete opposite of any woman that I had ever dealt with or messed with because I was already used to the other type of woman. So I'm like, man, this the first woman that told me no. And not only did she tell me no, when I thought I could just keep on going and just keep on trying to touch and feel and rub, she kicked me out the bed. And I'm like, and she young, so it ain't like she's she's some old head and she like done stopped having sex or something. I'm like, she young and she wasn't a virgin. She had had one boyfriend. And so it's like for her to have already had a year-long relationship and know what it's about and what we out here doing at this age and to kick me out the bed. I said this one this woman working on something else like she doing something different. She doing something different. And so that's when I seen like okay she different and I experienced that our whole marriage just how different she is and I realize it's different upbringings it's different people and you got to be able to look into that when you meet a man you got to see like how is he different what is his interest like I'm thinking about a a gentleman I know and he's heavily into the arts. Heavily into music, heavily into film. Yes, I'm sure he knows what corn is. I'm sure he has relieved himself, but he's a white guy, but I could just tell how his spirit is that he's faithful to his woman. he's faithful to his wife and that if he sins, it's between him and God. It's behind closed doors. And even with that, because he's so passionate about what he's working on in life, he's not going to go down the rabbit hole and get too far gone with that other stuff. And it's just you can feel it on a person's spirit where they at and what they about. So like my wife, she rest in her feminine. She don't question me. She don't chase me. She don't bother me. She don't do none of that because she see how hard I work. She see how diligent and how dedicated I am. So with the purpose pushers community, we have had a Q&A every night this week and we got one tonight. So my wife knows that I'm putting in work. So I ain't going to get home till 8:30. So she know I'm working. I'm diligent. I'm faithful. I'm focused. And that's how you got to read a person. You got to see what are they into. What do they have going on? And if they got what they got going on and you could tell that he's locked in and he's focused, he's driven. And you really want a man who almost works himself to death. Because when a man working himself to death, and I don't mean literally, but it it could be, that's when you know he ain't got no time and no energy to be doing nothing else. And when he becomes your husband and he working himself to death and he want a piece of you, then give him a piece of you. And then you know he ain't got no more energy because he giving everything to his job or to his calling to his purpose or his job and his purpose. And then he get to deal the stick in you. And when he get to deal the stick in you, he get his release. And you got to know that you're going to be under attack. You're going to have headaches. You're going to have stomach aches. You're going to be tired. You're going to go through this. You're going to go through that. But you got to be ready and willing to receive your husband because if he coming to you, that's a good thing because he could be going to somebody else. And every time you want to tell him no, you picture him going and adulterating with another woman. And if you ain't okay with that, if that don't get you excited and make you happy that he getting to dip the stick in another woman, then you need to bust it wide open because all it is is service to one another. That's all it is. People try to make it greater than what it is. For God is utility that we can find pleasure in as a married couple. But it is to reproduce. It is to reproduce and it's also to keep one another out of sin. So because we're called to reproduce and that's a part of what our brain and body is wired for unless we can't reproduce then and even if we can't reproduce don't mean a woman not going to desire sex. Even if she can't have bare children don't mean that she not going to desire sex. And so our brain is going to be ticking towards that. And if we don't take with our spouse and give into that and do that, then eventually it's going to happen outside of the marriage and you'll be to blame for that. And a lot of people trying to remove that blame from you, but the Bible tells us explicitly for a husband not to deny his wife of his body and for a wife not to deny her husband of her body. Because that is how we keep one another out of sexual immorality, out of sex sin, by pleasuring each other, by taking care of each other. That's how we do that. And a lot of people don't realize that, don't believe that, don't want that. And so you got to realize and understand know where you at, know where you're operating from, know be able to read the spirit, be able to tell. And so what you really want is you want a driven and focused man. You don't want him to be like psychotic or obsessive in the sense to where it makes him unhinged, but you want him to have a sense of purpose. If he doesn't, then tell him to join the purpose pushers community where he can be fed and encouraged and and you join it with him too. Get in there with him too cuz it is women in there. So if you ain't in there, he might bump into might bump into something else in there. Especially if you ain't coming off that that thing and y'all married. So you don't want to introduce the temptation now. So get on in there and you want to be pushing towards purpose. You want to be locked in and focused on that. And that's why we have so many men. So when we looking at all this stuff, all these videos I'm having to do that y'all sending me um on Instagram or what have you, that's where it's coming from. It's coming from the lack of discipline of men because of a lack of true purpose. A lack of purpose really rooted in what God has called us to. And that's what we got to realize and understand and get to that place. And so you want to make sure that you are locked in and focused and that you paying attention. And to the women, don't don't be out here chasing with your ovaries. And it's a fine line though cuz I I do have a client who she really ignored and just she she didn't really understand how to read a man. So she basically picked uh incel and you know a incel is a involuntary celibate. She picked a incel who even after getting married he would not touch her, would not sleep with her. And but here's the thing, she didn't read into the fact that his stomach hangs over his belt. So, and he's tall. So, if he tall and he's still big and it ain't like a firm big like muscle, but it's just it's it's all fatty tissue, there could be issues with his member because the member stands up from blood flow. So if a man isn't healthy, there's a possibility, not all the time. Now, some men body just built to hold weight and they could be a bigger guy and still get it up and still have that desire. But I honestly believe this particular gentleman just cannot get it up. The way he's built, the way his his health is set up, he can't get it up. So he do other things to like in in his life to enjoy other things and just like physical act like outings and stuff like that but sex not on his mind. The other thing is some guys are not comfortable with their manhood. I don't condone having sex before marriage. I did that for you. It's not worth it. It also is a sin. So, I can't condone it even if I wanted to because it's against my belief system that I ignored and did not follow. And just because I ignored and didn't follow it, I'm not going to tell you to do the same thing because I made it out. You may not. So, you want to do it the right way, but you want to try to see if y'all could go swimming. See if you could see some type of print. And to the ladies, the hand and the feet don't matter. The hand and the feet don't matter. The height doesn't matter. I know that we got all of this stuff. None of that matters. None of that matters. Some like I got my mama hand. So my hand is not that big. I got my mama hand. It don't matter. It does not equate. You might you might have a man that wear a size eight shoe. So you like got a little foot. My foot bigger than heels. But his thing might be that whole 8 in. His thing might be eight inches. And and then you you so you thinking you f to get down there with a little shrimp and he pull out that Uncle John's Italian sausage on you and you like what the next thing you know you getting pinned to that bed. You what the real and it's like okay what going on? And so that's what you have to realize and understand. none of that matter. But you got to make sure that he at least has a drive. So yes, you can shut him down. You can tell him, "No, we're not having sex." But you want to know he got a drive. If he don't even have a drive and he don't even try you, he ain't trying to do nothing. Cuz even a virgin going to still want to brush up on you and hug and kiss and might want to get a little rub and stuff like that. So you want to know that drive is there. And that's how you know, okay, it's safe to marry because he at least gotta drive. And and you want to try to you don't want to ask him, you know, how big it is or nothing like that. You you want to try to see if any time any time you see a little print. Just see a little print. Now, you got to realize that the thing can can double or triple in size when he get ready to go. And so you can't just go all off of that either off of just the rent. But you just want to seek some some some discernment from the Lord of like, "Okay, Lord, you told me to wait until marriage, but I don't want to wait until marriage." And then this man is just totally incompetent in the bed or just totally unconfident. and we have no sexual chemistry or no none of that right there. Lord, I don't want to do that. And you'll be able to start to feel his spirit. Start to be able to tell if y'all going to be compatible in that way. If it's going to and and you'll have you'll find a peace in your spirit. It'll it'll can't tell you exactly how, but you'll be able to feel it. You can feel masculinity. You can feel those things. And so, hey, I'll be here for you. God bless you. Keep your head up. Keep going. Link in the description. Join the purpose pushers community. Seven days free on me. God bless you. Stay tuned. More videos coming. So, check in. We gonna have in this season because I'm not coaching as much. I got some coaching calls that's still left over from last year. But every now and then we'll have two, three videos. So if you and so I know you have your little social media fix and cravings, come on over here and get fed versus just scrolling nonsense. Set your notification. You can unset it then reset it. God bless you. But just know it's going to be a video on here every day. So, if you ain't checking back every day, then you missing something. God bless you. We'll talk soon. Also, brace yourself and don't be in the comments telling me what to say and what not to say, what to talk about, what not to talk about. That's a fast way to get blocked. So, I'm going to say what the Lord tell me to say. And also understand, I'm not on here asking for your opinion, nor am I asking for your advice. That's what your channel for. So, use your channel for that right there. Okay? So, if I don't expressly ask you a question, then the video is for you to listen and glean what you could listen and glean from. And that right there, cuz that get on my nerves, cuz that's called unsolicited advice. You on my page soliciting my advice. That's why you over here. So, if I want your advice, I'm going to go to your page. No harm, no foul. Ain't trying to be mean to you. You just dealing with a real man that got real masculinity. They going to call it like it is and they going to keep it all the way real with you. Now, if you want one of these boys that's spinning on cucumbers, they have plenty of them out here on the hill YouTube streets. God bless you. Keep your head up. He gone.