Video summary
The speaker reflects on his own past mistakes as a young athlete, admitting that he used to blame coaches and teammates whenever things went wrong, operating under the belief that he already had all the answers. He realized that this defensive mindset prevented him from reaching his full potential and led to a lack of fulfillment in his career. Through life experience and maturity, he learned that football is fundamentally a team sport rather than an individual one, making the quality of being a great teammate far more important than raw talent or physical attributes like speed or strength. He defines a true teammate as someone who is selfless, supportive, and encouraging to others, noting that while you cannot control your natural abilities, you have absolute control over how you interact with your group.
To address criticism effectively, the speaker emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between talking at a teammate versus talking with them, especially when dealing with high-ego individuals who are naturally driven to defend themselves. He explains that receiving feedback often triggers a self-preservation instinct where athletes feel attacked and want to deflect the criticism, but he reframes this dynamic by suggesting that constructive feedback is actually a gift from someone who cares enough about your improvement to tell you the truth. He argues that rejecting such advice is like turning down a physical present, whereas accepting it opens an invitation to greatness, particularly for those aiming to reach the elite level where financial success and Hall of Fame status are possible.
Ultimately, the speaker concludes that the best athletes successfully blend confidence with humility, understanding that they can always improve regardless of their current standing on the depth chart. He warns against the dangerous mindset of believing one is "good enough" simply because they are better than others, urging players to recognize that there is always more work to be done to reach their full capability. This attitude requires a chameleon-like ability in communication, where the focus shifts from how one wants to deliver a message to how the specific teammate will best receive it, ensuring that feedback is given and accepted in a way that fosters growth rather than conflict.
Read the full video transcript
I'm 50 years old. When I was your age, I
was an absolute knucklehead. I thought I
had all the and I wasn't anywhere close
to being the athlete
>> [music]
>> that that you guys were. But I thought I
had the answers. I thought I knew
better.
You know, you guys have shirts on that
say no BCD. When I was your age, I was
the king of BC ending. Like that was
anytime something didn't go my way, it
wasn't my fault.
It was the coach's fault. He doesn't
like me. It was your fault. You messed
that up.
>> [music]
>> So I I struggled a lot with that. So a
lot of this I've just learned cuz I've
done it the other way and I've learned
that it doesn't work.
And it's not very fulfilling. [music]
And I didn't achieve or perform at a
very high level. But it took some life
experience and some maturity to get to
the point to [music] be able to say, all
right, the way I've been doing it ain't
working. So let's do something
different.
First of all, I hope you understand
[music] that football is a we game. It's
not a me game.
>> [music]
>> You want to play a me game, play golf or
tennis or wrestle or box. Just mano e
mano. [music] But you guys haven't
signed up for that. You guys have signed
up to play a team game. Which means one
of the most important qualities you can
have is being a great teammate.
And I know that sounds cliche. And
again, I know this stuff you've heard
since you were little. But I hope it
sinks in differently. You know my
definition of a great teammate?
>> [music]
>> Is being the teammate you'd want to play
with.
Is being a teammate that you love to
play with but would hate to play
against. That's a great teammate.
A great teammate is someone [music]
that's selfless. Someone that supports,
encourages, pushes each the other guys.
>> [music]
>> That it's not about them, it's about the
group.
>> [music]
>> You don't have control over whether or
not you're the fastest guy in the room,
the strongest guy in the room, the most
talented guy in the room. You don't have
full control over that. You have
absolute control [music] over whether or
not you're the best teammate in the
room.
And I don't care if you're a future NFL
first rounder or you're a walk-on, you
have the ability
to be the best [music] teammate in the
room, and I would highly encourage every
single one of you to make that
commitment. And I'll tell you this right
[music] now, if you do happen to have
the potential to be an NFL first
rounder, and you are an exceptional
teammate, you're what Hall of Famers are
made of. You're going to make a whole
lot of money playing this [music] game.
But don't ever sell short the fact that
being a great teammate, being a great
locker room guy, that those things
[music] matter. So we said, "How do you
address a teammate that may have done
something wrong?" Well, first of all,
from a communication standpoint, there's
a huge difference between talking at a
teammate and talking to a teammate or
talking with a teammate.
We also have to understand, um,
part of what makes you all elite is that
most of the guys in this room, I mean,
you you guys are alphas. You're super
competitive. You're super driven, which
means there's a lot of really big egos
in this room, and that's a good thing.
[music]
I you want that. Now, you want to use
your ego and your confidence for the
betterment of Kansas football, but I
would never want to be in a room where
no one has an ego. But we have to
understand that there's a
self-preservation [music]
mechanism that if you're going to, what
I perceive as feel like you're attacking
[music] me or you're criticizing me, my
very first natural inclination is to
defend and to protect. [music] I mean,
that's why you guys have the BCD on your
front. No defending or or deflecting. Is
it defending or deflecting?
>> They're synonymous.
>> E- Either one, defending or deflecting.
That's a natural tendency to do. That's
why it's on your shirt. Because [music]
it's natural for you to criticize what I
just did and me want to protect my ego.
But when we can learn to put our ego
aside and say, "My friend right here is
actually giving [music] me a gift
because he cares enough about me to tell
me something that I could do to get
better." Like, that's an invitation
[music] to greatness. So as soon as you
can I want you to have an ego, but if
you can temporarily [music] set it aside
and look at a teammate that is holding
you accountable as them giving [music]
you a gift, I mean, if someone handed
you a physical gift right now, it
doesn't matter. I mean, it could be a
chain, a watch, an iPhone, it doesn't
matter. Most [music] people are not
going to turn away a gift. You're like,
"Thank you, dude. I appreciate that."
But, when someone's giving you some
feedback on how [music] you can actually
get better, it's the same thing. That's
a gift.
And for many of you that have the
ability to play at the next level, like
that's a way more lucrative gift than
someone giving you a chain or an iPhone.
If you're telling me something that's
going to put me in [music] the upper 1%
of players in this country in my
position, so that I can go on and make a
whole lot of money playing the game I
love, why would you [music] ever turn
that away? So, learn how to be open to
feedback. And that's where humility
comes in.
The best players in the world, the best
athletes in the world know how to blend
confidence with humility.
They earn the right to be confident by
putting in the reps during the unseen
hours, but they always remain humble.
And in this case, humility means I am
always going to stay open to being
coached. I am always going to stay open
to feedback. But, most importantly,
humility means, no matter how good I
get, I know I can still get better.
See, that's the other danger of the
comparison game.
If the comparison game is hot, I'm
higher on the depth chart than you, so
I'm better than you, so I'm good to go.
That's a very That's a That's a That's a
weak mindset.
The mindset needs to be, "I'm number one
on the depth chart. I need to do
everything to protect that, but I'm
still not as good as I'm capable of
being, and I'm definitely not good
enough to play on Sundays yet, so I
still have work to do." [music] And
that's humility. And I tell you what,
any of you that can blend confidence
with humility to that degree,
>> [music]
>> I mean, sky's the limit. There's nothing
that can stop you. So, be open to to
hearing what your teammates have [music]
to say. But, it's also enough about
knowing personalities, and knowing that
I might have to talk to him in a
slightly different way than I talk to
him, [music] because they have different
personalities. And you have to be
chameleon-like enough as a communicator
to [music] speak the language of the
person that's receiving your feedback.
So, it's not how you want to say it,
it's how they'll best receive [music]
it.
>> [music]