Video summary
Four months after suffering a severe stroke, the speaker returns to share a detailed update on her recovery journey, which began unexpectedly during a Jiu-Jitsu training session. While preparing for a competition she had trained for over a decade, she experienced sudden, debilitating symptoms including intense head pain, vertigo, and an inability to move or speak clearly after being rolled with a much larger partner. Initially misinterpreting the incident as a bad migraine due to past negative experiences with the medical system, she eventually sought emergency care where doctors diagnosed her with a vertebral artery dissection that led to a stroke in the occipital cerebellar area of her brain. This injury severely impacted her balance, coordination, vision, memory, and ability to form words, forcing her into a strict regimen of rest and supervised walks for three months while she navigated the emotional toll of losing her primary source of identity and freedom.
The recovery process has been physically and emotionally grueling, characterized by slow progress and significant limitations that are not immediately visible to others. Although she can now walk straight lines and speak relatively normally on good days, she still struggles with invisible challenges such as double vision, dizziness, nausea, and extreme fatigue from the constant mental effort required to compensate for brain damage. Social interactions have become particularly difficult due to her inability to track multiple speakers or follow complex conversations without becoming overwhelmed. Additionally, activities she once loved, such as drawing straight lines for art, have become frustrating exercises in fine motor control rather than sources of relaxation, highlighting that while she has regained about 75% of her function, the road ahead is measured in years rather than months.
Facing the permanent loss of her ability to practice Jiu-Jitsu—a sport that allowed her to feel whole and disabled-free after losing a leg—she has decided to channel her passion into learning dance as a new therapeutic outlet. Dance offers her a way to rebuild balance, coordination, and improvisational skills while providing joy through connection with partners. Despite the grief over these losses, she finds hope in small victories, such as being able to turn on lights without triggering headaches or having moments of clear conversation throughout the day. She acknowledges that she is currently in a state of denial regarding the permanent changes to her life and health, preferring to focus on moving forward day by day rather than fully processing the trauma until she feels ready.
Looking toward the future, the speaker plans to gradually return to work and resume posting on the internet, though she remains cautious about pacing herself to avoid setbacks. She recently experienced another frightening episode that mimicked a stroke, which turned out to be a hemiplegic migraine rather than a second actual stroke, providing some relief but reinforcing the fragility of her condition. With the support of her community and medical team, she continues to heal physically and emotionally, accepting that her journey is long and unpredictable. While she does not expect to return to 100% capacity anytime soon, she expresses deep gratitude for the generosity she has received and looks forward to sharing more updates as she slowly rebuilds her life one day at a time.
Read the full video transcript
well hello there my beautiful lovely
internet friends it has been just about
four months now since I had a stroke
disappeared from the internet because I
couldn't do anything but focus on
healing but I wanted to come back
because I'm feeling really good today
things have improved I wanted to give
you guys an update tell you what
actually happened what has occurred
since and fill you in on all the details
this might be a bit of a longer video so
I will just say for anyone who just the
quick 30 second version I'm doing a lot
better I'm not back to 100% I didn't
expect I would be and I have no idea
when or if that will occur but four
months in I'm still alive made it this
far okay so beyond the 30 second version
when I woke up this morning knowing I
was going to film today and I was really
excited to get back to it and then I
tried to start like putting things in
words and like I don't fake anything for
the camera but when you turn a camera on
there's sort of like a certain energy
that I I'm used to Bringing and I
realized I this is actually a really
difficult thing that happened a lot of
the things that have happened since
where it has left my body and my mind
and I think talking about it will be
good but I remain very overwhelmed by
this year and what has occurred I love
how they just switch
places okay first and foremost what
actually happened in my previous video
where I very briefly talked about this
because I was really out of it still
mentioned that it was an accident in
Jiu-Jitsu so I have trained in Jiu-Jitsu
on and off for 12 years it is the love
of my life I was training for a
competition my first one since losing my
leg I was really excited I was lifting
four or five times a week I was training
four or five times a week feeling really
good about everything and I was at a
very normal day of training I happened
to be partnered up with someone who was
a guy much larger much stronger and very
inexperienced in the sport super common
thing I said yes to Rolling
understanding that as a small woman
without a leg those matches are always
really difficult and keeping yourself
safe always has to be first and foremost
in your mind so I rolled with him it was
rough but I thought just like normal you
know aches and pains kind of fine I went
into the next match and about a minute
in out of nowhere I felt like a baseball
bat had been cracked against the back of
my skull like night and day I was on the
ground I couldn't even lift my head up
the word vertigo doesn't seem to
properly encapsulate
how dizzy I was how completely incapable
of even opening my eyes even lifting my
head up I couldn't put words together
there was a lot of head pain associated
with it my whole body was shaking and I
couldn't stop it and that went on for
minutes I had no idea what was happening
no one else had any idea what was
happening it was bad and it was really
scary it probably took me about an hour
to be able to avenge eventually sit up
eventually kind of start to form words
better I knew I wasn't good I knew I was
super out of it my balance was all off
but I was driven home I remember getting
out of the car and I like fell on the
rocks in front of my house I was just I
was not good I also was not thinking
straight I did not go to the hospital
didn't go to Urgent Care didn't talk to
a doctor I was like let me just rest I
don't feel good I'm just going to rest
I've mentioned this before on my channel
but I have had a lot of very unfortunate
interactions
with doctors and our medical system that
has made me incredibly averse to ever
going in if I do not absolutely think
there is a chance something is actually
wrong so for I think it was a couple
days I didn't go in I realized I
couldn't really use my hands like they
weren't working right I could move but
it was like they were a second or two
too late and then very imprecise just
this crazy head and neck pain that was
beyond what I normally experience
couldn't form words stuttering very out
of it just not good eventually I broke
down and scheduled a virtual Urgent Care
least invasive thing I could think of I
just wanted them to be like yeah you
probably have a bad migraine go sleep it
off but within like a minute or two of
talking to this doctor she was like Joe
I need you to get out of this call do
not drive yourself get immediately to
the ER internally I was like oh my God
this is going to be so annoying I'll
have to be there for hours they're going
to say everything's fine and then just
send me home I shouldn't even be there
but you know I guess better safe than
sorry so I ubered into the hospital
which is always such a funny thing to me
I don't know explained what was going on
told them you know I get bad migraines I
have weird neurological stuff I think
I'm probably fine but this weird thing
happened in Jiu-Jitsu and now here's all
the things that feel weird I cannot
thank the doctors and nurses and staff
at Denver Health took things really
seriously and the doctor came back into
my room very serious which is always
off-putting as a patient but he told me
that they had seen something and that I
was going to be admitted to the ICU I
had a vertebral Artery Dissection which
basically means that one of the arteries
in my neck which Supply oxygen and blood
to your brain had been very damaged
totally forgot to like tie it back
together I think that it was that first
role with the big guy where it was
pretty rough that I believe my neck was
damaged then it probably took a few
minutes for the clot to form then be
released that's my best guess anyways
and these things can cause Strokes there
were indications that I had had one so
everything went into highpe speed very
quickly I was admitted put on
medications to stop any future Strokes
things like that and an MRI later that
night confirmed that I had had a stroke
to my occipital cerebella area the right
side of the back of my brain which
controls things like balance
coordination Vision generally I found
really affected my brain with things
like memory word finding word forming
following conversation just all of that
so I was in the ICU for a few days I was
in the hospital for a few days and then
I was sent home with very stern warnings
from multiple neurologists because of
the injury that caused the stroke I was
not out of the woods yet if I did
anything it could cause another stroke
and that could be really bad so for the
next three months I was told to do
nothing to go for short supervised walks
with someone else next to me who could
like catch me if need be not to lift
anything heavier than maybe a gallon of
milk nothing overhead no forms of
exercise and so I went from training for
a Jiu-Jitsu competition to literally
sitting on my couch right over there
trying to begin the healing process
physically and emotionally uh I felt
awful healing didn't even feel like it
was happening everything is so slow I
had to keep reminding myself that
everything is temporary being stuck at
home alone without any of the tools that
I used to rely on to get through things
was very difficult I couldn't have my
big dog Leo home for the first two
months because doctor said you know he's
a 90 PB dog he could knock you over that
cannot happen and so he actually stayed
uh with his trainer who he was with when
I had my stroke she was absolutely
incredible I'm to put her information
down below if you're looking for a good
dog trainer in Colorado Springs and then
to encapsulate a lot of time in a single
sentence I tried to get better right I
went to physical therapy I went to
occupational therapy I went for
incredibly short walks every day day
like I couldn't walk further than like I
don't know a couple hundred feet without
being so off balance and so dizzy and so
out of it that I had to sit down and
like lay down for the rest of the day
close my eyes my vision got very
affected where everything was like
double vision blurry it felt like my
eyes weren't tracking right screens were
really difficult I want to say real
quick I could not have gotten through
that time without the support of a lot
of people in my life and also without
the incredible gener generosity that a
lot of people showed me from my last
video I wasn't able to work for quite
some time and the amount of generosity
that was shown to me from you guys I am
can't tell you how much that helped so I
could actually like try to heal I feel
so lucky and so
grateful thank you a couple of weeks ago
I had sort of the post 3mon followup you
know CT Scan Imaging where are we now
what does moving forward look like and I
got some good news and some bad news
looks like healing is taking place the
way that it should that artery is you
know still damaged but it's healing the
parts of my brain that are now just
black holes on images because apparently
I believe how it works is the gray
matter dies you know when a stroke
happens you don't get oxygen to that
part of your brain and then it will like
fill with fluid oh my God looking at my
M was crazy cuz there's just just these
black holes in my sellum the very
difficult news uh for me anyways is that
if I have an interest
in staying alive I can never do
Jiu-Jitsu again and there other activity
restrictions when I say that I love that
sport it's not just like a cool hobby
right if you were to ask me to describe
myself I'd probably say hi I'm Joe I'm a
a public speaker and I do Jiu-Jitsu
that's
like what comes to mind it was a huge
part of my identity I didn't talk about
it a lot online because when I was there
I was just there like that was just for
me and I have never found a sport that
made me feel so free uh especially after
losing my leg that is the only place in
the entire world I do not feel disabled
it does not feel like a disadvantage
obviously it was but the way that I was
like free of my prosthetic leg usually
didn't cause additional pain and I
learned how to use my body my different
body as a weapon right figured out how
to do things no one else could do and
could hold my own against able-bodied
people for years going through a lot of
stuff in life it has sustained me and
I'm no longer 20 and think I'm
invincible so I did get second opinions
for my own peace of mind but I will not
be
returning to the mats now nothing will
ever replace that sport for me but in
being like like so what do I do with
myself how do I find other things that
really help my mental health and maybe
fill some of those needs that Jiu-Jitsu
was fing for me I have decided I'm going
to become a dancer keep in mind that I
was not super coordinated or balanced
before there were holes in my brain that
deal with balance and coordination but
uh partnered dancing so beautiful and so
cool to me like learning how to like
improv and adjust to someone else's
movement all of that brings me a lot of
joy and so as on days that I'm feel like
I'm able to I've begun going to dance
classes and dances it works on a lot of
those functions of my brain that
experience deficits from the stroke so
it's therapeutic in a number of
different ways as I grieve losses it's
also cool to find new things so now it
is four months later you might be able
to tell if you watch the last video that
I sure look like I am doing a lot better
and I am those first three months of
healing doctors said that they would be
really important and oh my God they were
I I would say it probably took almost
exactly three months until I was like I
think I feel like a person where I would
like have moments through the day where
I was like I just had a whole
conversation with someone and I was able
to track it like I wasn't stuttering
over my words okay cool maybe there is
hope and I feel like a lot of pieces of
healing all those weeks of doing
literally nothing sort of all came
together a few weeks ago and I started
feeling just so so much better um miles
to go but so much better I kind of feel
like I'm back to
75% it varies on the day especially for
short periods of time I feel like me I I
look like me I'm able to act like me but
there's so much going on in my brain to
compensate for the damage that was done
that I get tired really easy I get
exhausted really easily I get headaches
all the time lights sounds stimulus some
days are really difficult other days
totally fine like today I even put a
light on for this video and it doesn't
bother me which is mindblowing
considering how things were just a few
weeks ago even I've noticed that social
situations by far are the most difficult
like trying to track more than one
person talking to me at a time I just
like uh get super out of it can't follow
conversation have to like tap out and go
home but I recognize that this is going
to be a long process a lot of the the
continued effects are things that you
can't see you know I can I can walk in a
straight line I can do things I look
sort of balanced sort of coordinated I
can speak pretty normally a lot of the
times but there's so much that's going
on in my brain to be able to do that I
still have a lot of issues with vision
and balance that dizziness a lot of
nausea just stuff that's going on in the
background that I think will take a very
long time for continued healing to take
place also one thing I have not been
able to return to after stroke well is
drwing I absolutely love dry but the
stroke definitely affected like the fine
motor control so I can still draw I can
still color but straight lines coloring
the line and anything like that is just
really frustrating because it's hard so
art is no longer like a form of
relaxation and and everything it's like
frustrating so I'm working on it as part
of therapy and hopefully one day it will
get back to just being enjoyable and
maybe I'll be able to fully control
these guys recovery from a stroke like
this is not measured in weeks or months
especially after the first few months
it's measured in years so it's going to
be a while and I'm going to continue
working on that continue figuring out
what I'm capable of from an emotional
perspective as I was going through all
this I knew that it was a big deal I
knew that a lot of things had changed I
knew that there were losses things that
were really scary I kind of figured that
as I began returning to quote unquote
normal life that a lot of the emotions
from all of that might hit because it
just felt like everything was on hold
for three months everything was on pause
I was in this weird Twilight Zone of
every day being the same mostly just
being at home or doctor's appointments
crocheting feeling really not good and
and then as I started being like Oh I
can drive I can you know go do this
thing I think I was correct in thinking
that that is when a lot of the emotions
from what has happened would hit I will
say right now I am firmly planted in
denial I know this my therapist knows
this I don't really want to process or
think about a lot of the things that
have occurred or how it's affected me or
how my life is permanently altered along
with my brain honestly I don't think I'm
ready to come to
terms with some of the permanent or at
least permanent for the foreseeable
future you know how this is altered my
life and my everyday experience and my
health and that's really all I can say
for the time being because I don't have
any more words yet everything felt like
it was moving in the right direction
until midnight uh about a week and a
half ago when I stood up to go to the
bathroom in the middle of the night and
suddenly that same feeling that I had
when I had the stroke started hitting
out of nowhere like 0 to 60 I realized I
couldn't stand up straight couldn't keep
my balance was really struggling to
think straight put words together I was
just super out of it I was having
difficulty controlling half my body I
had enough presence to be able to call
911 get an ambulance here they got me
into the hospital pretty quickly
initially they did think that it was
possibly a second stroke at one point I
couldn't I couldn't move at all like
they would have me try to hold my arm up
or try to hold my leg up and it would
just I couldn't do I couldn't roll over
on my own not going to lie I did
actually think I was dying I have never
had that experience like I've had a lot
of situations where I realized it was
mere death or I could have died but I've
never thought in the moment oh my God
I'm not going to like get to say bye to
people felt like I felt myself slipping
away and I think a lot of that was
driven by the terror of a second stroke
happening and knowing that my odds of
surviving that would be very low Andor
the damage that it would do to me would
be very extensive pretty immediately
they put me on this crazy blood thinner
called tnk that will like dissolve
everything in your body like if you're
having a stroke blood clots things like
that after a lot of tests and a few days
in the hospital they determined either
the blood clot broke up the medicine did
its job very effectively um or more
likely I had a hemiplegic migraine which
mimics the symptoms of a stroke it's
possible that with everything that's
happened to my brain in the last few
months you know never having that kind
of a migraine again maybe I'm more prone
to having them within a couple days it
passed I was able to go home a few more
days of recovery I'm feeling good again
moving
forward I thought I was going to have a
good sentence to like encapsulate moving
forward I don't feel like everything is
very much Moment by moment day by day
I've done a very good job of listening
to my body trying to Pace myself
following doctor's orders to a tea as I
am able to I will be returning to the
internet returning to work slowly but
surely which I'm very excited for
because it feels like it's time at least
to you know ease back into it I'm going
to keep taking a day by day and
eventually I will move out of denial and
process things with that being said I
feel my brain starting to fade a little
bit my dogs are really wanting to go
outside so I'm going to end this video
here you watched all the way gosh thank
you I think I talked a really long time
but yeah I think you can expect to see
more videos in the near future which I'm
very excited for because I've missed it
a whole lot I missed you guys guys to
you my beautiful lovely internet friend
thank you so much for spending a few
minutes out of your day here with me
today hearing my story you could be
anywhere else in the world doing
anything but you chose to hang out with
me for a few minutes truly appreciate
that I love you guys I'm thinking about
you and I will see you in the next video
it's been a long time since I got to say
that