Video summary
The podcast addresses a concerning cultural shift toward anti-child and pro-individualism sentiments, arguing that this trend deprives society of its primary motivation to live responsibly. The host contends that while modern alternatives like travel and fame offer distractions, having children provides an essential "will to live" by forcing individuals to save money, maintain their health, and take greater responsibility for their actions. This parental role acts as automatic therapy, compelling adults to address past traumas and self-sabotaging behaviors before they can reach their full potential. Without this anchor, the host warns that people risk becoming a "car wreck" with no one watching over them, whereas parenthood naturally fosters maturity and accountability in ways that age alone cannot guarantee. A significant portion of the discussion focuses on how fatherlessness impacts dating patterns and relationship choices for both men and women. The speaker explains that girls who grow up without fathers often enter relationships from a place of "survival mode," seeking older, wealthy partners to provide safety and stability rather than emotional connection or sexual attraction initially. Once they feel secure with an older man's financial support, these individuals may eventually seek younger partners based on genuine attraction but frequently end up in cycles where they cheat only to be taken back by the provider who pays their bills. This dynamic is exacerbated when single mothers encourage daughters to avoid men entirely and instead pursue wealthy suitors as a backup plan, leading women to prioritize socioeconomic status over character compatibility with low self-esteem older men. The conversation also delves into the complex issue of parental alienation and its long-term consequences on future relationship health. The host highlights that some mothers punish ex-partners by blocking their access to children, effectively depriving boys of a father figure while putting their mother on a pedestal as an innocent victim. Boys raised in this environment often grow up believing women are helpless victims who need saving, causing them to gravitate toward broken or abusive partners they believe they can fix. Conversely, the speaker notes that men sometimes prefer single mothers whose children have never seen the father, interpreting it as a green flag when it is actually a red signal of poor co-parenting and potential future conflict if the couple breaks up. The host challenges the common trope where women seek to "fix" broken or abusive men, arguing that this behavior stems from an ego boost rather than genuine care. He emphasizes that individuals are competing against childhood traumas they cannot overcome, noting that one is not a therapist but merely another person with their own wounds. Attempting to heal someone's past abuse while attributing their recovery solely to oneself is described as narcissistic and destined for failure because the root causes of behavior remain unchanged regardless of new relationships. The ultimate conclusion drawn is that healthy relationship choices require recognizing responsibility defined by care for others rather than age, avoiding partners who isolate children from fathers or mothers who prevent co-parenting, and understanding that true maturity comes from accountability not just years lived.
Read the full video transcript
why do you think there's this
generalized culture of anti- Children
and Family creation at the moment I
wonder where that's stemming from I do
think it's a sad reality I don't know
where that's coming from I just think
the reality is there's so many
alternatives to having kids now you can
travel you can really become something
if you want to become famous you can
become famous you can travel the world
you can make a lot of money you can do
all of these things but you know if you
speak to people who have even you know
scored goals in the World Cup they'll
still tell you that their best moment of
their life is when the child was born so
I think it's a really negative thing to
place um to kind of put on society I
think the reality is when you know that
you're going to have kids you have to
take more responsibility of your life
you have to save more money you have to
look after your health it gives you a
will to live now to remove that from you
is a is a slow and steady self-sabotage
when you don't have any children for the
rest of your life and you think you're
never going to have them essentially you
could be a car wreck and no one's going
to watch you whereas when you have
children it's an automatic therapy you
you have to fix your traumas you have to
fix your self-sabotaging behaviors so
you're depriving yourself of reaching
your full potential when you completely
write that off I I believe but I could
be wrong with that I you were preaching
to the choir I think that it's really
great all of my friends that have become
fathers they've stepped up in a way that
I I'm impressed by like they were they
were hitters before and they're even
bigger hitters now yeah which is why it
surprises me that there is this
generalized anti-child anti- family
creation culture it's really good like
sometimes you know and they even do it
with men that are in like you know uh in
trouble with the law and stuff sometimes
when they have children is the only way
to get them off the streets because it's
the only thing that gives them that Mo
motivation that they can't find outside
of it but so if you are feeling that
maybe it's you need have a kid well I I
understand what you mean as well that
there is this kind
of mass
individualism um I think some of the
most common reasons as to why people
aren't getting into relationships at the
moment uh working on myself right right
now just don't feel ready uh sort of
Bing my time so to speak super childish
though it's just it's a focus on the
individual um
and it's very isolationist it's very
atomized it's all about the individual
on their own and don't get me wrong you
know if you spend your time maybe you're
working working from home postco um
maybe your job doesn't actually require
you to interact with that many other
people or maybe you're doing it all
through slack and through Zoom
you don't need to really leave the house
that much anymore you can door Dash your
food you can Amazon Prime whatever it is
that you need you can stay on the couch
and watch Netflix we've become more
isolated and I think that that Trend
almost causes us to justify more
isolationism uh and it also it's called
extended adolescence or slow life
strategy that Jee Tangi found and this
is just never really getting to the
stage of growing up you know young
people are getting their driver's
licenses later they're starting work
later they're moving out of the house
later like the most common living
arrangement for men under the age of 30
is still being at home with their
parents and this is one of the things I
I you know I get a lot of slack on for
online because I talk a lot about age
gaps and sometimes young women you know
they go for older men and they'll say
yeah but he's 40 I know I'm only 22 but
at least he'll be more responsible and
he will settle down responsibility well
maturity is not defined by age it's
defined by how much responsibility you
have and I always say if he's got to 40
no kids no under his belt he's chosen
that Peter Pan lifestyle no 23y old is
going to come along and wake him up he's
chosen to be that man are you sure you
want to be with him you're better off
with a 30-year-old that's got more
responsibility than a 45-year-old who
hasn't because if you think a number
defines maturity you're lost the reality
is is the amount of responsibility
particularly responsibility and care for
others so if he's supporting family if
he's supporting an ex-wife or he was
married or he had kids it does something
to men it kind of creates a a level of
responsibility and accountability that
they can't get without that so I do
always tell women um don't be afraid of
being with a man that's had kids or a
man that's you know been married they're
better than the ones that have had no
baggage because baggage is
responsibility which is then
accountability for a man do you think
that the same is true in Reverse no
unfortunately it doesn't work the same
way with women not always it can
sometimes but it doesn't always work the
same way because women when they have
children and good women with healthy
women actually prior her children first
and foremost and if she does one of the
priorities is becoming then super
cautious of the man that she allows to
enter into the man's world and her if
she's a really good mother she tends to
keep a good co-parenting relationship
with the ex and a lot of men don't feel
comfortable with that but the true good
woman like the single mom that you
should be looking for is the one that's
got a good relationship with her
ex-husband what men do is they prefer
the woman that has no contact with the
ex and the kids have never seen the ex
and they think oh I'll go for that girl
at least they baby father is not around
that's a signal that she deprives or
prevents children from connecting with
their father that's not a good thing
that's not a green flag that's actually
a red flag so what men are doing is
sometimes they're selecting women and
thinking she's got children but she she
doesn't let the kids see their dad and
they not in his life and he was a bum
but what does that tell you about her
selection process and what does that
tell you about her ability to co-parent
it's an insight into what would happen
if you two broke up you won't exist for
those children that's not a healthy
mother a healthy mother is who cheated
on me who was a before he was a wreck
but the kidss need their father I drop
him every Friday that's the healthy
mother but men don't interpret single
motherhood the way they should yeah do
you have any idea how
fatherlessness impacts boys and girls
behavior and what they what they look
for when they grow up and start dating
um with women they definitely here's the
problem women have when they grow up
without a father fig and if they really
feel it is they'll always date a lot
older men so they'll be 17 18 years old
and they're looking at the the
30-year-old and a 35-year-old and
they're getting older and older and
there's a huge gap between them now my
experience of working with women that go
for these age Gap relationships is they
are in survival mode without a father
they need that safety and comfort and
the conversations that we normally find
really boring coming from our father
about mortgage rates and like you know
saving your money they sexualize those
conversations so when they hear it from
an older man they're like oh he's so
responsible if they're not used to it so
they end up initially going for that
older man and falling in love but once
they feel safe and they've got the money
and they forgot the safety they then
look for men around their own age they
end up it's like it's almost like having
a safe secure base once you've got an
older Father Figure in your life then
you go on to see what you're sexually
attracted to but until you've got that
secure base you're in survival mode
you're looking for who can make you feel
safe not who can make you feel who
you're attracted to so they confuse they
blur the lines between attraction and
safety and they end up looking for it in
an older man but then cheating on him
with a younger man do you think that
they over prioritize
socioeconomic status in that regard
rightly so I understand why because they
don't have a backup plan when you grow
up with your father you know at some
point he'll help you and things get
rough or he'll leave something for you
and stuff and it naturally creates a
level of safety they don't have that
safety and usually they if they come
from a single mom home she's also
encouraging her to look for a rich man
because it benefits her as well yeah
there's usually some kind of like
support network okay you can come live
with us and so on and so forth so they
come from a culture of you know you
don't have to a man all men are annoying
and they're difficult so just choose one
that's going to give you a good life so
they end up focusing on social econ
economic status but they also end up
with men with low self-esteem because a
man with high self-esteem at 40 years
old would recognize he's got nothing in
common with a 22y old who makes Tik to
all day he wouldn't have any
intellectual intimacy so she ends up
with an older man with low self-esteem
who when she does cheat on him will
still take her back and so on and so
forth who who pays every bill or
whatever it is she so again she ends up
with a man that she does doesn't respect
in the long run but really admires
initially because he provides her with
that safety she's been craving yeah you
you told me about this book you'd been
reading to do with parental alienation
what's that well the thing is I was
looking into parental alienation only
because I see it so much going on but
one of the things um punishments women
use for a man that's been that she feels
has let her down is depriving her him of
access to the children now the problem I
see happening is with the children of
such mothers especially the men of such
mothers they go on to have very very
abusive relationships so men who grow up
with single moms who blocked access they
end up with women who are very abusive
either they're Unfaithful or they
financially abuse them or they just
they're physically abusive they grow up
with very they end up selecting very
abusive uh women and from my observation
and from what I'm reading it looks like
what happens is when you've been
deprived of a father and you've only
heard Mom's side of the story what
happens is they put their mom on a
pedestal they think Mom's women are the
innocent victims of harsh men so what
will happen is they pray to women that
need saving they always gravitate
towards women that they can save and
help and nurture and say oh yeah that
man was terrible i've got you I'm going
to help you I'm going to show you what
life looks like because I've been doing
that to Mom my whole life the problem
with those women is they are broken
Beyond you you can't fix them most women
can't be saved they they haven't
something broken that they need to fix
themselves but the man that thinks he
can save her is is the one that's a
little bit more delusional and he gets
his self-esteem from seeing her now love
him so unfortunately he ends up going
for very broken women that end up re
abusing him and he he ends up not having
those boundaries that he needs with
women so they end up in very poor
relationships when they've been raised
by a mother that blocks access to
fathers you often hear about the reverse
about women who look for the guy that's
broken but I can fix him and I can hold
on why do you think that happens hear it
a lot with women it happens in men as
well we hear it a lot in women because
it's a huge ego boost knowing that a man
used to be a player but for you he
changed or he used to be in and out of
jail but for you he changed here's the
reality you're competing with people's
childhoods not other women if I've got a
man that's really broken and he sleeps
around and he's doing drugs or whatever
it is and I think I'm going to fix him
and I'm going to be the special person
I'm competing with his childhood traumas
you can't compete with somebody's
childhood essentially you're always
going to lose now whatever caused that
add Ive Behavior or that abusive
Behavior still exists before you you are
not the therapist and you are not the
cause of the wound so don't take on that
role you're only going to hurt yourself
the best thing you can do is support
them while they heal it but to attribute
his healing to you as a person is a form
of narcissism you're wanting to feel
good by his healing not for the sake of
him healing but for you to get an ego
boost to know that you could do it and
it's not the way to do it we'll get back
to talking to seru in one minute but
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