What Everyone Who is Too Self-Critical Needs to Know | Marisa Peer on Impact Theory

People don't understand that what makes hypnosis powerful is powerful words, but they got to be super powerful, really dynamic, incredibly relevant, and absolutely up-to-date. And if you combine that powerful language with shutting down the critical part that goes, "You can never do that. Who's Who's going to want you? You got four kids and cellulite." If you shut that bit down and then add in exciting, "You can have anything you want." Hey everyone, welcome to Impact Theory. Today's guest is a best-selling author who's written four books on psychology and has more than three decades worth of experience working with some of the most famous and influential people on the planet. From CEOs and royalty to international superstars and Olympic athletes, she's helped facilitate radical transformations in record time. The founder of rapid transformation therapy, known as the RTT method, she's listed in the Tatler guide to Britain's best doctors and has been described as a British pioneer by Men's Health magazine. She was the only woman featured in the article The Best of British and in 2018 her RTT method garnered international attention and won several awards including eight Stevie Awards and a Venus Award. She's also a nutritionist for Men's Fitness magazine, a frequent expert contributor on many TV and radio outlets, and interestingly enough is recognized worldwide as a leading fertility expert. She's a trained hypnotherapist and rounding out her incredibly diverse skill set, she's even pursued qualifications from the Predikin Longevity Center in her efforts to help people optimize their lives. So, please help me in welcoming the woman who was named best British therapist in 2006, the author of the weekly mind column for Closer magazine, Marisa Peer. Thank you. Hello, welcome. That's quite a welcome. Thanks very much. Absolutely. I'm excited to have you here. I have to be here. I have a personal obsession with hypnosis. Do you? I find it very interesting. I've never actually gone to a hypnotherapist, but I really studied Milton Erickson for a while. I tried to do some of my own like sleep well um hypnosis stuff, but I found the sound of my voice so distracting that it never worked. But, I'm I'm way intrigued. What led you to hypnotherapy? Actually, that's a great question. So, I was going to be a child psychologist, and I found that really hard work cuz I was very young, and when you're a child psychologist, you have three patients, mom, dad, child, usually divorced, and it's like you got to work with three people all on different pages, and I kind of left it, and ended up working for Jane Fonda in Robertson Boulevard, not far from here. Yeah, that was much more fun. Teaching aerobics? Teaching aerobics. Um I was one of her trainers, and it was kind of intriguing to me because I would say every other woman there was anorexic, bulimic, exercise compulsive, body dysmorphic. God, it's got much worse now. Cuz I had this psychology mind and the psychology background, I was fascinated about why do people do that to themselves, obsess about what they look like and every calorie. And so, I found this amazing hypnotist called Gil Boyne really by chance, although I don't think there's any such thing as chance. And he taught me hypnosis, and I went back to Jane's studio and started to work with all the people that had anorexia, bulimia, orthorexia. And that was just going to be my life. I'm going to teach cuz I love it, the aerobics, and and see all these clients, but as it happened, the universe had other ideas cuz I got asked to go on a lot of shows like Big Brother and I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, analyzing people, which I've always done, and eventually I couldn't work for her anymore, cuz I was just so busy, and it's been like that ever since. I've always been fascinated by human behavior, but always wanted to shortcut. Why do you do that? And let's fix it. So, what is it about hypnotism that makes it work? Is it that people the things that are [ __ ] them up are like buried deep in the subconscious? Like, why hypnotism? Why was that the radical breakthrough? Hypnosis is the actual grandfather of even psychotherapy. People think hypnotherapy is the poor relative, and it's come along, and it's actually in front of everything. A lot of hypnotherapists don't understand what hypnotherapy really means, and what it means is you can shut down the critical part of your mind that goes, "I could never speak in public. Oh, I could never live without donuts." That bit shuts down. And while it shuts down, you can excite the imagination and tell people stuff they simply don't think they could do. So, I'll give you an example. I was recently having a medical procedure, and the nurse said, "Oh my god, we all know you, and we have this kid, and he can't go in the scanner. He's terrified." I said, "Oh, I'll show you what to do." And in 5 minutes, he was loving being in that scanner, cuz I taught him, "Listen, it's how you talk to yourself. If you go, 'I feel like I'm in a coffin here, and I'm ill, and I'm in the scanner, and it's reminding me that I could die,' and why would you talk to yourself like that? What you say is, "I love this. This is amazing. I've got half an hour to chill out." And So, people don't understand that what makes hypnosis powerful is powerful words, but they got to be super powerful, really dynamic, incredibly relevant, and absolutely up to date. And if you combine that powerful language with shutting down the critical part that goes, "You could never do that. Who's Who's going to want you? You've got four kids and cellulite. If you shut that bit down and then add in exciting you can have anything you want. But most people either don't understand about shutting the bit down or they don't understand the language. So without diminishing other therapists, I see a lot of people who say things like, "Now, you might just want to think about being calm." It's like, what? WTF? That's not exciting. Or they say things like, "Today you're going to find it easier not to eat cake." And I'm like, "Come on. We can do way better than that. Excite the imagination. Tell them well you love saying no to cake. It thrills you to pick an apple. It elates you to see the scales going down and your six-pack emerging cuz you are motivated and committed and compelled to say no to sugar." And if you understand the mind, it does what you tell it. That's its job. And if you tell it better stuff, you have an amazing life. And if you tell it mediocre stuff, you have a mediocre life. You said something in there that is really interesting, but I don't understand quite what you mean by it. So you said um you have to make sure that the language is not only compelling, but absolutely up-to-date. What do you mean up-to-date? Well, I'll give you an example. I worked with somebody who was morbidly obese. And he had a story, you know, "When I was a baby, I was only 2 lb. I nearly died. My parents had to feed me every hour. Wake me up. And if I threw up the food, my mom would cry." And so he has this story. I'm like, "Okay, but that's 50 years ago. Now you're going to die of being 600 lb." So you have to talk to the mind and say, "This is completely outdated. It's it's behind you." So people have a story, you know, "I can't find a love cuz my dad left when I was one. I can't find love because my mom preferred my brother. I can't be a success cuz I never went to university. I can't speak in public because I blush. Without understanding when you describe why you can't, you keep it going. If you keep talking about the symptom, your mind keeps it alive because whatever you focus on, you get more of. And so a lot of people have language that's completely irrelevant. Like, yes, I know your dad left when you was one. I know your mother put you up into foster care, didn't love you, but that's that's then, this is now. And so they have outdated stories, outdated language. They I can't do that because I the classic one I heard is, "Oh my god, my boyfriend just ripped out my heart, stamped all over it, killed me. And if I find love again, it will kill me." I'm like, "Darling, he got bored. And you would have got bored too if you'd stuck around. And that was your starter relationship. Go and find a better one with someone amazing. Everything he loved in you, he didn't take it home with him, it's still there. So don't use that irrelevant I found love and it killed me when it ended. So I found love, the wrong person, but I'm going to find it again with the right person. It's going to be amazing and compelling. He's going to fall in love with my soul. And we'll be together forever. Because you got to turn your mind on and it loves exciting words, dramatic words. Really loves words that make a picture. So if I said um to you, you can be the most phenomenal, powerful, awesome, incredible speaker. When you speak on stage, everyone stops to listen, you could hear a pin drop. They look at you. They hear what you're saying, they like you. The mind goes, "Oh, I like this. I know where I'm going." Yeah, but when you go, "I'm not bad at speaking. Sometimes I'm quite good. Occasionally, I really get it right." The mind goes, "What are you talking about? I I that's not dramatic enough for me." Yeah, I'm a huge believer in the power of self-talk and that the way that you talk to yourself is going to have a profound impact on how you move forward and like you said getting excited and using big language I I'm way on board with that. Do you differentiate at all between simple repetition and hypnosis and um how often do you recommend people just to do the simple repetition and and are there certain outlier cases that you're like no no no you're going to need to go for full hypnosis? Well, there's certain rules of your mind that I like to operate from and one is the mind learns by repetition. So nobody would go to the gym and go I've done 500 sit-ups I should have a six-pack now. You know you got to go back and do them again and do them again. Once you get that six-pack you can keep it with a little less repetition. And so it is with how we dialogue with ourselves. You know my passion is to get schools to teach children to dialogue with themselves better. So repetition is very important but it's not quite enough. You know if you were a chronic alcoholic and said right I'm going to say every day I don't drink I don't drink I don't drink that probably won't work. First of all the mind doesn't know what don't is. When you say I don't drink it's like saying I'm not thinking about chocolate. You have to think about the word that's most descriptive in the sentence. It's like saying don't think of an orange snowman. Now you got to think of an orange snowman even if you've never seen one in your life. So a combination of repetition powerful words can be more than enough. I mean somebody wrote to me and said my kid was lying on the floor hysterical about her exams and I played one of your audios and she got up and said I'm going to ace this and she went to school and she did ace it and I could tell even by the set of her chin that she knew. But for many people they need more. They need you to go back and unpick their story. Why do you do what you do? What happened to you? Why are you an alcoholic? In understanding why for most people that's their aha moment. They go oh my god I never knew it. That's why I do that. Oh." And then you add in a now you know, you never have to do it again. Yeah, that the notion of story and going back and getting to that point where somebody can identify the moment that the story began that then triggers the repetition that then, you know, locks them in the story. How do you begin to tease out that story and can people do it for themselves or is this something that requires It's much better to go and see one of the people we trained. We have phenomenal RTT therapists and we do a particular kind of therapy that's really taking the world by storm because it's very simple. People come in and they describe, you know, I really want to be successful but I'd love to be healthy but I want to find love but I can't get pregnant because And the first thing we do is investigate like a good detective. A detective will lay out pictures and go, "What's going on here?" And they make sense of it. And very much the same. So, people come to me and they go, "I've got unexplained infertility. What is that?" I went, "Well, there's a clue in the in the in the description. It is unexplained. Nobody knows. Your husband's got crack sperm that swims straight and plenty of it. You've got great eggs, great fallopian tubes, perfect womb but you can't get pregnant because the unexplained is here." And many people when they're younger will say to themselves, "If I got pregnant, my dad would kill me. Oh my god, if I got pregnant, it'd be the end of the world." And I mean, when I was 17 thinking I was pregnant, you know, my god, no, disaster. Oh my god, my dad will be so upset, devastated. When I wasn't, I went, "Oh, thank you, God. Yes, joy." But you see, the mind listens to everything you say. The mind is always switched on and it records everything and it never forgets. So, in a moment of absolute terror or fear or pain or anxiety, there's something called an imprint. It goes in. So, a child whose mother says, "That cat will scratch you and give you blood poisoning, or that dog's going to bite you, or that's a dangerous person, or you know, I worked with a little kid who had a terrible fear of monsters under the bed." Turned out his dad used to say, "Uh you'll get run over if you do that. You'll kill yourself if you do that. You'll drown if you do that." Turned out his dad was the monster cuz he was scaring him all the time. So, you get it a young person can be an adult and you get an imprint. And what we do is investigate where where did this imprint happen? And when we've got the imprint, which is very easy, you can ask questions to get the imprint. You can listen to the client's story. The one who said, "My mom used to cry when I brought up food and so happy when I ate." Or you can use hypnosis and go back like that. And the reason I love hypnosis so much is you go to the imprint. You know, people come to see me within 5 minutes they have the imprint. There's no "Oh, how does that make you feel?" And "How do you feel now?" And "Let's talk more about that and come back next Wednesday at 4:00 and we'll keep this going." Because studies now say that's that's actually the worst thing you can do because you just keep the story alive. So, we do the investigating and we find the imprint. And then we we interpret it. What does that mean? Why do you think, you know, your dad telling all these stories would now leave you to have this monster under your bed? Why do you think at 15 being terrified of being pregnant could possibly mean that today you've got an expandability? And they work it out. They go, "Yeah, now you say that. If I look at those scenes and look at this scene, it will make sense." And then you interrupt the belief massively. And then you install a brand new belief. You know, you're getting pregnant like a high school kid on their first date. You're super fertile. You've got grade A eggs. Your husband's got the SAS of sperm and going to collide. So, you bring in the very powerful language and you are going to make a grade A baby. Cuz of course you also want to be pregnant. I'm like, "No, you don't. You want to make a baby that you carry to full term." I have clients who have been pregnant eight times. You want a perfect bouncing healthy baby. So, it's another example of not telling your mind what you want. So, the combination of the imprint, the investigate, the interpret, the interrupt, and the install is so powerfully transformational. And the last bit is recorded. Clients take it away and they go, "Wow." You know, I worked with someone who had had eight IVFs and each time lost the baby. And I said, "Don't have any more IVF. Just get a perfect baby." She had some congenital illness. So, she had a 50% 50% chance of having a deformed baby and 50% chance of not. As you know, if you're really clever, you can tell your mind to pick a perfect egg. The mind's job is to do what you tell it. And people don't understand that you have that much power to go in and tell your mind to heal, tell your mind to select a perfect grade A embryo, tell your body to be tell your metabolic rate to be super effective. I think this is it it's so powerful, but for someone like me, I need to ask the following question. Where are the limits of that? Well, if you said to me, "I want to be a brain surgeon tomorrow." I'd go, "Well, no. I You need You need a little training to be a brain surgeon." So, people do come in with strange requests. I I want to be a famous actor. How old are you? 62. Have you got any acting No. And And sometimes I tell them the truth. Look, that's probably not going to happen. So, you You have to be I wouldn't even say realistic. I believe if you reach for the stars, you probably will get them, but sometimes people have crazy things they want. So, they will ask me for strange things that um I I won't accept, but most people ask for very reasonable things. I want love. I want wealth. I want a house. when you start getting into specific stuff like I want my body to pick the right egg. And I understand I ask this from the place of I want this to be true so badly. Um but like when I think okay, no one has ever thought their way to eternal life, which would be the thing I would spend my time thinking about. Um so, there there is some level of biology is going to defeat us in that sense. So, what I'm trying to figure out is okay, because I think this is a powerful technique and because I need to believe in it for it to work, Yeah. I'm trying to figure out the edge cases. I'm willing to accept that they're they're far so much farther out than most people that it's better to get people to shoot for just like craziness because that way they don't stop shy. Yeah. But you know, out of curiosity like where So, one thing that I read in your book that I was very happy to hear is that you tell people because I'm always terrified of the secret, which I think is half amazing and half [ __ ] It just You can't just think your way to something. No, I think that too. So, you tell people in your book you have to do something every day to move yourself closer to your dream. So, like where is that fine line between like hey, I'm thinking I'm really putting in the work, but then there's also there are biological realities to be faced and how do we address those? So, your beliefs affect your biology. Your beliefs certainly affect your biochemistry. I've had women of 58 say, "Could you make me pregnant?" I go, "No. You It's too late. Why did you wait 30 years?" But the mind will follow your instructions and it's very important to give yourself the right instructions. Of course, there are limits. You can't tell yourself you're going to be an astronaut. And when people say to me, "I want to be a millionaire." I say, "What are you going to do to be a millionaire?" You can't go around and sit at home, and that's the problem with The Secret. Attract millions to you. Well, what are you going to do for these ones? I want to be have a six-pack. You do need to go to the gym. I want to have great health. Well, stop eating pizza and eat better food. But, once you get the mind to want it, it's actually easy. But, when people say to me, "I want to be a millionaire." Then we tell them, well, any goal of significance requires you to learn something new. But, then they have a fear of learning. And And of course, you're right. And when people come in and go, "I want this." You have to look at the blocks. The The number one block is the fear of rejection. If I make it, I might get rejected. If I find love, they might leave. If I make all that money, people won't like me anymore. So, you've got to smash out of the ballpark the fear of rejection. You've got to smash out the second belief that says, "It's so easy." I remember Luther Vandross saying, you know, "People say I'm an overnight success. I sang jingles for KFC for 12 years." It was a long overnight. So, you do have to also have that desire. I mean, for me, you know, I speak in public. I write books. Always aware that somebody's going to go, "Hate your book. I don't like it." I'm like, "Oh, that's okay." They can't reject me. They might reject my book. Most people happen to love them. But, to get anywhere in life, you have to get over the fear of rejection. Cuz people think they're going to die from rejection, but they really don't. So, your whole movement about how to not let that stuff in is is interesting. And I I want you to explain it to people cuz I want to get to the edge cases of this as well. Um but, tell people about You Are Enough. Well, You Are Enough is a movement that I started because, you know, 33 years of being a therapist, I might work with a movie star, an Olympic athlete, or someone who's a school teacher. And they all have the same problem. And the problem is almost always, "I'm not enough." I mean, I've worked with so many addicts, thousands of addicts. I've never met one who ever thought they're enough. They'll say, "You know, I drink cuz I'm not enough. I use cuz I'm not enough. I I'm addicted to spending cuz I'm not enough." And what I see many therapists doing is the client comes in with a list, like what I call a shopping list. I I I need to stop drinking. I need to get out of bed. I need to stop shouting at my kids. I need to take care of myself. And they like to go through the list. It takes a long time. I go, "Oh, forget the list. Let's look at what what I call what lies beneath. You know your problem? You don't think you're enough." Where does that Is there Do you know any baby who's ever been born who goes, "I I shouldn't cry because I don't deserve attention here. I shouldn't throw up on this white top my mom just bleached." No baby is ever born believing they're not enough. And so, again, we look at where does this come from, this belief you're not enough. Who told you that? Where did you get that? And when they go, "Oh, yes, it came from here." It's a game changer because they start to tell them I'm I'm enough. People say, "Well, if I'm enough, don't I just lie on the couch and eat potato chips all day?" No. When you know you're enough, then you go, "Right, I I need a better relationship than this, a better career than this, a better better health than this." So, Why do you think that is that is a true um movement for that? Because one thing that I struggle with with the notion of somebody just telling themselves that they're enough, I get the underlying power of repetition, the the importance of the words, and it feels like a very good foundation that the person then can build from. But where I struggle is I know that a lot of times people don't believe it. And so if they don't ever then take those next steps of learning something or pushing themselves or doing something difficult, it the words will ring hollow. Yeah. How do you help people establish meaning behind Well, I wrote a book called I'm Enough and we have a program called I'm Enough. And what that does is it takes you through the process of where does this come from? You're not born with this belief. How did you get it? And when they discover how they got it, they're able to give it up. One of my first ever clients was this beautiful woman. Very hard to believe when she said, "I I can never make a relationship last." And it sounds so silly, but she said that her dad used to say to her every day, "You'll never ever find anyone that loves you like me. Nobody could love you like me. You'll never find the kind of love that I have." And he programmed when you label someone, you limit them. So now she's got an imprint, I'm never going to find love like this love. And guess what she never found? Love like that. And all you have to do as a parent is to say, "I love you cuz you're lovable. And all your life you'll find love like this love cuz you're worth it." So it's little tiny adjustments that have the most profound effect on people. And it's never too late to say, "I'm enough. I can find love." And now if you give someone the power to make you feel good, you give them the power to make you feel bad. And if you do it to yourself, you feel so much better. Makes you slightly bulletproof. You still need other people. We all need other people. But the dialoguing with yourself and starting with I'm enough, I picked that because I found all my clients, addicts, bingers, bulimics, saboteurs, hoarders, compulsive compulsive shoplifters, they all went back to the same thing. I'm not enough. I need more. And if you feel enough, you start to feel equal. See, most of us feel unequal. You're better than me cuz you've got money or you're more attractive than me. But no dog or cat says, "Oh, you're better than me cuz you're a pedigree." A baby doesn't know that another baby's wearing designer clothes and they're not. They They have no concept of that. So, really what I'm enough is doing is reactivating, remanifesting, and regenerating what you were born with, an ability to say, "I'm enough." Yeah, that's interesting. So, part of I think what happens is obviously when a baby is born, they're lacking the sort of critical faculties to navigate the world. So, and this is I put my finger on this because I want people to understand that I they're going to struggle. So, it's it's a little bit like meditation. People think I'm doing it wrong cuz they think there's some magical right that other people are doing and and they're not doing it. Like, when you start repeating the stuff in your head, I think people will say to themselves, "What do you mean you're not worthy? You bought your stuff at Target. Like, you're not significant, whatever." Right. So, learning that A, that's a thing and then that's going to happen. That's a part of a normal human brain. It's designed to keep you safe and alive. It's not designed to propel you forward. So, but there are once you understand I mean, this is your language. Once you understand how the brain works, then you can go in and begin to tinker with some of this stuff to get where you want to go. Now, the tinkering part is what I want to get your take on. I'll use myself as an example. So, um I have experienced things that have given me the story that I have a bad memory. Okay. I recognize it as a story, but it's so [ __ ] compelling because the evidence from the time that I was a little kid just seems irrefutable. So, okay. But, I I understand the mind well enough to know, "Hey, I'm screwing myself over here. I'm repeating it, which is making it worse, self-fulfilling prophecy. Okay. Jim Quick tells me, "Tom, you have to stop saying that." I see you today. You're like, "Look, you have to stop saying that." And so, I totally buy that I have to stop saying it, but I've known that for a long time. And I'm an ultra-diligent, disciplined person. But for some reason, I haven't worked up the desire to see that one through. Now, because I have enough self-awareness, I can guess at the reason. The biggest reason that I'm hesitant is like, "Okay, look, my my energy units are finite. So, getting a good memory is going to be difficult. And do I want to put the time and the energy into this, yes or no?" Because it's an allocation of time resources. So, when I think about how far I've gotten, despite the fact that I have a bad memory, it's like, "Okay, it's not that big of a deal to immediately address." So, what all I want um to convey with this is that sitting in neutral, it won't just happen. No, you have to want it. Correct. So, that's my very question. I go, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, But how do you get people to build that desire? Cuz I get asked that question a lot. Okay, so, well, most people that come to me don't come and go, "Hey, I've come to see you, but I I don't want to give up my problem." I mean, they do with food. They go, "I want to be super healthy. Okay, you're going to stop eating donuts. I don't want to do that. Have you got anything else?" I'm like, There's a difference between I don't want to do one thing and I want to do it, but I just I I'm not sure of the energy to see it through. the belief is what you're saying is it's work. So much work. It's no work. So, what I would suggest for someone like you is just monitor how you Oh, I forgot that. I got a terrible memory. I got that. I didn't miss that. I got a terrible memory. Start to say, "I have a phenomenal memory. I have an outstanding memory. I have a reliable, foolproof memory." So, I saw with my daughter when she was little, she'd leave the the and come back cuz she had so much to remember, her school bag and her swimming stuff and her lunch. And I always say, "What have you remembered?" She goes, "I remembered my lunch." "Remembered my swimming gear." I go, "That's so great that you remember." And very quickly she went from "Oh, forgotten. I've got to go home. My mom's going to be really cross." to "No, my memory's great. At the gate it told me school lunch, school coat." And of course if you go to any kids classroom you'll see coats and bags. They they forget everything and we never go, "Well, it's the memory." You see. It disappears with age. And I've met people of 90 who can tell you everything about their childhood and what it was like in the war. So you have to just make a decision to tell yourself, "I have an outstanding reliable, phenomenal, incredible, impressive full of really big words." Of course, cuz you want to excite you. And if you say it enough, your mind's job is to give you that memory. And then stop saying, "What have I forgotten?" Say, "What have I remembered?" And then something else you do is just say, "That will come to me." You know, you have to understand the mind a bit. So when you're dealing with a conscious mind, the subconscious doesn't do anything. If you're saying, "What's the name of that book or that restaurant? Oh, I don't know. I give up. I've got to remember." And you suddenly goes, "Oh, it's coming to my head." It was this book. It was a Tim Ferriss book. I remember now. Because you've given your mind an instruction, "What is the name of that book?" Your mind will go and find it. But if you are still actively looking, it doesn't do it. So we have something called command therapy. You've got to command your mind. Go ahead and remind me where my passport is. Remind me. And and so often it's just really poor communication. You know, I put people say, "Oh God, I'm flying to London tonight and I can never fall asleep on a plane. I just can't go to sleep." Well, I go, "Well, where are you going?" You don't go anywhere. You don't fall. You lie on the plane and you invite sleep to come. Do you go, "I'm lying here. My eyes are heavy and sleep's descending upon me like a mist." Because it's a misdirect of the mind cuz you don't fall and you don't go. But when you say sleep's coming to me, and when I am in different time zones all over the world, I lie back and go, "Right. Sleep now. Send sleep to me now. I insist on 8 hours of sleep. I need 8 hours." And I tell my mind what I want. But I am very clear, very specific, but not "Can I fall asleep? I need to Look at the I've got to get up in 5 hours. Um now I'm stressed." I just give my mind very clear instructions. You do have to train yourself a bit. But if you use those words, "My memory is impressive and infallible." Your mind knows what that looks like and it will make it real. If you just go, "I need a better memory." That's not exciting. So excite it with powerful words and you won't be surprised or you might how much better it gets. But you've got to give up this belief that it's work. Cuz talking to yourself isn't work. Exciting your mind isn't work. Going to the gym is work. But saying every day as you get up, "I've got a great memory. I can even imagine my diary and I can see what's in it." If you tell yourself that, it actually really becomes true and you'll notice that everyone who's got a good memory will say, "My memory's amazing." "Oh, I have the best memory ever." But they never go, "I've got a mind like a sieve. I'd forget my head if it wasn't screwed on. I would forget the eyes in my head if they weren't there." But people with a poor memory, they they justify. They remind themselves how bad it is instead of deciding, "No, I'm going to have a great memory." I know that people say to you a lot of times, "Yeah, sure. Okay. This is easy for you because nothing bad has ever happened to you." But you actually had a and I don't I'm so curious to know how you characterize it. You had cancer. Twice, yeah. Um I was going to say battle and then I thought, I don't know that she would say that. the word battle. That's interesting. So, one, I'd love to hear how you do conceptualize of of it and then how you dealt with it. I think it'll be really powerful for people. Yeah, people look at me and say, "Well, you've had an amazing life." But, you know, my life wasn't awful. My father was a headmaster. He was very invested in other people's kids. I just felt like this kind of hideous blob that wasn't interesting to him at all. Um both my parents told me I should be a nanny cuz they obviously didn't see any potential in me at all. But, that isn't to diminish them cuz I wouldn't change anything about that because it made me have that I'll prove you attitude. So, I was told I could never ever have children and if I got pregnant, I would never carry a baby to full term. I remember hearing that thinking, "You know what? I I have to not let this in." And that's very important to me cuz it's in me and I will not let that in. So, when I was told I couldn't have a baby, I thought, "I'm not letting that in." And when I got pregnant, I was told many times, "You're going to lose the baby. She's going to be born with something wrong with her." And I I talked to her all the time and told her to grow perfectly and she did. And when I was told I had cancer, I mean, of course, it's a horrible thing to hear and I did spend the first 2 days thinking, "Oh my god, you know, what am I going to go with this?" But, cuz I've taught my mind for so long to only go towards positive found myself on day three singing this song. And it was that song about You know that song I feel pretty and witty and wise, but it was saying, "I'm healing and my body is healing and it's healing all the time." And I just made a decision to tell my body, "Look, you you you're going to do wellness now." And so, I started to do wellness and I visualized healing and I visualized it being very contained and I visualized myself bouncing back and 3 weeks later I was on stage in Costa Rica, not because I'm super, because I told my body, "Listen, I'm I I haven't got time to sit in this hospital bed with medication. Do wellness." I I really did command my body to recover. And it sounds like it's all right for you, but again, you have to understand the rules of the mind. Your body does what it says. If you go, "I'm ill. I got cancer. Now it's bound to come back." And always looking for signs. It will say to me, you know, "I'm a cancer survivor." And I'm like, "Oh, no, I'm not. I'm not." Cuz I don't have it. So, I was uh obviously surprised when I got it again. But I just had to do the same thing and say, "That's it. Now twice is enough for anyone. I'm I'm done with that." And I I don't refer to it a huge amount. Um but I thought, "You know, maybe maybe it was good for me to get that cuz I can look at other people and say, 'Listen, you always have a choice.'" I mean, I went home the very next day. I They gave me a carry bag of drugs. I'm like, "What are they? I don't need those." I didn't take any medication. And I just kept telling my body, "But but I wasn't in any pain." chemo? No. No, no, no. I No drugs, no chemo. What What was the actual treatment? surgery twice to remove it. And actually the second time I now think I didn't even need to have done that. I could have done it myself. you to do chemo? Um no, I was very lucky. I got it early on enough I didn't have to do it. But I don't think I ever would do that. Not to diminish other people who have. But you know, again, it's that choice. Tell your body to do wellness. And I kept telling my body, "Kill the cancer. Annihilate the cancer." Never called it my cancer. That's my cancer. It was, "I've got my cancer back." Or "I'm going for my cancer treatment." And when you prefix something with my, you own it. Like you could look at my shoes. Aren't they cool? Or "Look at my great T-shirt." But when you say my migraine, my headache, my illness, my terrible memory. If you put the word my in front of something, it's yours. And if you call it the, it's not yours. So, I was very committed to never saying my. It wasn't mine. I didn't want it. I felt very lucky that I got it in an organ that I didn't need. It was completely dispensable. So, that was good. I remember even thinking, "What a stroke of luck that is. I don't need a womb. It's done its great job." And I talked to my womb and said, "Thanks for giving me this great kid. You did a great job. And now I've got to be here for this great kid. So, you can leave and I'm staying." But I find that even with cancer, if you have that belief, "I'm going to try all this stuff, but it won't work. And you know, it's I'm riddled with it and there's no hope. And they start to read all these terrible diagnoses." I mean, in England, you are not allowed to say to someone, "You've got 10 months to live." Because that's what happens. They turn into the 10 months. You cannot diagnose tell them? They just say, you know, "We're going to do this and this and you you may not survive this, but you could." And And in the same way that if you were having surgery and they go, "Look, this is a complete mess in here. There's just no way." Even in surgery, your subconscious is hearing what's going on around you. And there are many people who come out of a coma who said, "You know, I heard everything." The hearing is the last thing to go. And so, if you make a choice to talk to yourself better, you can bounce back. You might as well use your mind as much as you possibly can to be well. I love that. That is a perfect way to wrap that up. Where can people find more about you, find your books, dive more deeply? you can find all my books. We give away tons of stuff on wealth blogs, money blogs, relationship blogs. Cuz we want people to feel better. So, go to marisapeer.com. You can also take the free bullying program for your school. If you want to train to do what I do and change people's lives cuz it is amazing, go to rapidtransformationaltherapy.com. And if you want to join the I Am Enough movement, we have so many teachers, but regular little kids of six send me that painting sticks now, send me their bracelets, show me the pictures. Go to I Am Enough.com. Amazing. What is the impact that you want to have on the world? It's to stop the I'd love to there be no clients with therapists. I'd love there was going to have no clients anymore cuz everyone feels enough. So, you know, my all the patients I see are people who've been damaged by something in their childhood. And while that's never going to completely go away, my passion is to help people raise their children so they feel enough because when you feel enough, your life is so different when you feel not enough. I love it. Marissa, thank you so much for coming on the show. That was wonderful. Guys, the mind is insanely powerful and there aren't as many people that can break it down as clearly and instructionally step-by-step the way that Marissa does. So, I hope that you will check it out. It is powerful. Give it a shot. All right, guys. If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care. Thank you. Marissa, that was wonderful. Thank you so much. You'll notice invisible doors open for you. And even though you're a science guy, you have a lot of God in your life whether you realize it or not because you wouldn't be sitting here right now being driven by this great force of inspiration doing the major things that you've done in this world if you hadn't been tapped into that source.