Video summary
The video addresses the specific conditioning experienced by Black women regarding abuse, arguing that their high pain threshold is a direct result of surviving immense trauma and hardship rather than an inherent trait. The speaker explains that because many have endured so much, they often reach a point where they no longer feel pain, which ironically makes them more susceptible to staying in harmful situations. This desensitization leads individuals to believe that love must be found within existing relationships or through shared history, children, and assets, rather than understanding that love is something created through mutual respect and treatment. Consequently, many women remain with mistreating partners because they fear the loss of what they have built together, failing to realize that abuse will ultimately destroy their lives, potentially leading to death or imprisonment, rendering any material gain irrelevant.
A central argument presented is that people often confuse drama and pain with love, allowing abusers to keep them trapped by creating chaos that makes them feel crazy and dependent. The speaker warns against the mindset that suffering is necessary for love, noting that some individuals thrive on the drama it generates to maintain control over their partners. This dynamic is frequently exploited by narcissists who use emotional manipulation to ensure the victim remains focused solely on them, preventing the victim from pursuing their own life goals or healing. The transcript emphasizes that recognizing these patterns is crucial, especially when dealing with narcissistic traits, and that one must be willing to walk away even if it means losing everything, including financial stability or social standing, to break free from the cycle of abuse.
To escape such situations, the speaker advocates for a radical shift in mindset where individuals prioritize their own safety and self-love above all else, even if it requires living in shelters, under bridges, or on Skid Row temporarily. The video suggests practical steps like securing short-term housing through Airbnb while clearly communicating to hosts that one is fleeing an abusive situation to gain trust and avoid scams. The speaker shares a personal anecdote about learning the hard way that trying to change another person's behavior, such as their substance use or lifestyle choices, leads to mental exhaustion and failure; instead, one must accept people as they are and be ready to leave if they do not align with one's values. Ultimately, the message is that breaking free from abuse requires the courage to let go of control, stop worrying about things one cannot change, and have the strength to walk away regardless of the consequences, ensuring that one lives authentically rather than in fear.
Read the full video transcript
Hey, Tony got here. Came up here coming
to get Tayen some Nutella. They had me
get me a car fresh rational, man. Had
Tayen in my car for a week and then my
wife
car stinking.
Smell like they spilled some water or
something.
Got a thing
smelling
me do or something in here like no
playboy
ain't no better do that now
not in the luxurious
no Siri bar
smell good in this thing
you mean
wow
my door just closed by itself.
Okay.
Another little something unlock.
Like what?
I don't know you could do that.
Playboy.
I ain't know you do all that, D.
Okay,
I feel you.
So, yeah. Wanted to pop in. We was
talking about are black women
conditioned
for abuse. Now, here's the thing. We
ain't just talking about
I'm not saying that black women
the only ones
or nothing like that, but I'm black and
majority of my audience is black. So,
not to say that white women, Asian
women, Hispanic women don't go through
it.
I'm just talking about black women.
And here's the thing.
I want you to realize
that
you can have love with anybody.
See, because we've been conditioned, and
if you missed my first video on this,
then go search this title and you'll see
the other one or black women conditioned
for abuse.
Because we've or it might be titled, you
might have a couple asterisks in it or
something like that. So because we have
gone through so much coming up,
our pain threshold
is way greater.
That pain threshold so much greater
because we done gone through a lot.
We done been through so much to where
it hurt.
And if it doesn't hurt,
we can't feel it. And that's part of our
issue.
If it doesn't hurt,
we can't feel it.
So
you got to get to the place to where
you understand that love isn't something
that you found
or it's not something that you find.
Love can be created
with any human being cuz that's what
love is. It's created. It's not found.
It's how you treat one another. how you
respect one another. That's what love
is.
So
you don't have to stay with somebody
just because you have history with them,
just because you have children with
them, just because you have businesses
with them or assets with them, because
abuse is going to kill you. So none of
what you have with them is even going to
matter because you're going to be dead
or you're going to be in prison.
One or the other. So you might as well
leave
and live your life. You might as well
leave
and live your life. [clears throat]
Be who you want to be. Be who you called
to be. gone about your business because
you're going to get killed.
And you have to realize that just
because your family hurt you does not
mean you got to continue to allow
other people to hurt you.
You don't have to go through pain for
love. A lot of time people think that
love is just full of pain. like, yeah,
you're going to go through tough times.
You going to have arguments. You going
to have disagreements. You going to have
a lot of straightening that got to get
done. And that's what a lot of people
love. A lot of people love that drama
for your mama. They love that because it
keep them alive. It keep them going.
It keep them in that place of like, oh
yeah,
got this drama going on. Yeah.
And some people will utilize
the drama to keep you wrapped up and
tied in and focused all on them so you
can't focus on nothing else. And they
want to just cause mess and cause drama
to make you look crazy. And that's their
goal, to make you look crazy, to make
you feel crazy. And yes, you could be
with you a narcissist.
Y'all love that word. Yes, they might be
a narcissist and got you going crazy.
You got to recognize it when you see it
and be ready and willing to move on with
your life.
Be ready and willing to lose it all.
You have to love yourself enough
to walk away, to lose it all.
You cannot get caught up in a place
where
you just so focused on
them. Like you so focused on what they
got going on that you don't love you.
You got to be able to love yourself.
You got to be able to know who you are.
And it's not going to be easy.
It's not going to be easy.
But you got to be ready and you got to
be willing
to do what it takes.
You got to be ready and you got to be
willing. Like if you have to live in a
shelter,
if you have to stay under the bridge for
a night, if you got to go out there with
some mace
and you tent on Skid Row,
go on out there.
But and take you a few dollars, get you
a little sign, you will get shot.
armed and ready to shoot. Put that on
your tent while you out there on skid
roll so they know.
Yes, I look good. Yes, I take care of
myself. I will shoot you. But if you got
a job, listen, get your Airbnb.
Write in the Airbnb. Write the person.
Let them know you running from,
you know, a situation you had to get
away. You can't tell them too much now
cuz they they don't want that person
come over there tan up their house
and they know and they don't trust you
anyway cuz it be so many scams. So they
don't trust you. But do what you got to
do to go because the only way you break
abuse or you break an abuser by showing
them that you are willing to walk away
if you so destitute like I don't know
what finally made the yada awaken and
lady leave. I don't really now hearing
her pedigree and that she pursued him.
She shot her shot at him basically.
Now hearing that like she told a man she
had a dream that she had his firstborn
son. She told the man she want a massage
talking about cuz she was so sore.
What woman? So the woman is B a 304
which I think that mean a HO cuz you
ain't doing all of that now. Ain't no
classy woman that's you ain't doing all
that. And that's why she went on that
man podcast instead of reaching out to
me to come have that conversation cuz
she know I would have got with her told
her about herself like what the world
and then she talking about she own the
company outright
and that's you know and talking about
continue to buy that Mox apple juice. So
that right there made me think this
might be a play they running together
and he might be like listen I'll take
the L like let me go through all this
right here but we flat broke we can't
make no money right now so go do this
which I don't really think they'll go
that far that'll be absolutely crazy cuz
the man is actually arrested
but she just was signing too chipper for
me and then and then was selling too
selling the selling whatever it was the
products and my continue the support.
It's like, man, black women ain't dumb.
One black woman told me she couldn't
even listen. Say once she found out the
woman pursued him, she cut the interview
off. Say she couldn't even keep
listening to it. Black women ain't dumb
now. That's one thing about it. Might go
through a lot of pain, might put up with
a lot of mess, but one thing black women
ain't is dumb. And so that right there
is crazy. But again,
it's almost like because she pursued him
and the guy said something. She was
talking about she from some kind of
family or some city or somewhere and he
went to like, "Oo, I heard they kind of
rough around the edges or kind of
basically like ghetto or something they
was trying to allude to." And and she
show proved that to be the case. And
then she grew up with a mom with
schizophrenic who was schizophrenic.
And so it's like when you live with that
your threshold of pain [snorts] is very
high and that's what I mean because of
our trauma
we are conditioned for abuse. We
conditioned to suffer through more, to
go through more,
cuz it it's going to come a time, man,
to where
you just got to not care. What I mean by
that is when you in a relationship, you
got to let go. Like you can't get caught
up being controlling
and insecure and all of that. Like you
just got to let go. Like if you gonna
get cheated on, you're going to get
cheated on. Like you can't get caught up
worrying about stuff. Worrying about is
somebody cheating on you? Is somebody
doing this? Is somebody doing that? You
can't get caught up with that stuff
because you can't control it.
And that's what I learned in my
relationship before my wife is when you
try to control a human, like you try to
control if they drinking or smoking or
clubbing or using drugs, you're going to
end up losing your mind because you
dealing with a human being. And so I was
with a woman who cursed, drank, smoked,
pop pills, whatever, like not regularly,
but would be okay with doing this stuff.
And so me, I didn't do none of those
things. And I'm trying to change her and
I'm losing my mind in the process. And
that's when I realized like, no, you
can't do that. You got to be willing to
walk away. You got to be willing to let
go. And my daddy taught me that after
that situation, son, don't ever try to
change somebody,
let them be who they are. Let them show
you who they are. And if they not who
you want, move on with your life. Man, I
learned the hard way. And so, a lot of
people don't realize and understand
that,
but that's what you got to understand.
Get that through your mind. Get to the
place to where you realize and you start
to see and you start to understand
if you are conditioned
for this here
Tom Fooly
and really understand that and get to
that place
to where you know
if that's what you living with and
living through. But hey, this Tony
Gasson, God bless you. Keep your head up
and we'll be in touch.