Video summary
The podcast explores a recurring phenomenon on social media where women consistently express a preference for men with a "dad bod"—a physique that is somewhat in shape but not overly muscular—over stage-lean bodybuilders or fitness models, despite evidence suggesting that conventional erotic material often features highly defined male bodies. Researchers interviewed regarding this topic noted a distinct contrast between real-life preferences and fantasy consumption; while romance novels and visual erotica typically depict tall, lean men with abs as ideal partners, women in personal relationships frequently favor the "fluffier" look. This discrepancy suggests that physical attractiveness alone does not dictate relationship satisfaction for many women, leading to an investigation into why the less extreme physique is often chosen over the more conventionally attractive one. A primary argument presented regarding this preference centers on safety and psychological comfort rather than just aesthetics. The discussion highlights evolutionary trade-offs where a man who is physically imposing offers protection but also represents a potential physical threat or source of insecurity for his partner. Furthermore, highly muscular men are often perceived as narcissistic due to their intense focus on appearance, which can trigger fears regarding infidelity and mate poaching. Women expressed concerns that a partner obsessed with maintaining an 8% body fat might be more likely to cheat because the discipline required to maintain such a physique implies they have other avenues for self-care outside of the relationship. Consequently, the "dad bod" is viewed as signaling reliability and emotional safety, reducing the perceived risk of being replaced by someone who looks better on social media or in fantasy scenarios. The conversation also delves into the behavioral signals associated with different body types beyond simple visual appeal. A man maintaining a lean physique through consistent training over decades demonstrates discipline, pain tolerance, and an ability to overcome discomfort, traits that are inherently attractive but often overlooked by those who only focus on surface-level features like shoulders or abs. However, there is a nuance in how this fitness is achieved; for instance, CrossFit athletes may be admired because their conditioning appears as a byproduct of other pursuits rather than purely aesthetic vanity, avoiding the label of "vein behavior" sometimes associated with bodybuilders. Additionally, research cited suggests that men who are more conventionally attractive and have many potential mating opportunities might face higher risks of infidelity, reinforcing the idea that a slightly less defined physique could indicate a man whose resources and attention are focused on his current family unit rather than chasing new partners. Finally, the discussion introduces the "caloric choice" theory as another explanation for why women prefer dad bods in long-term relationships. This concept posits that a leaner man with high energy expenditure has more open avenues to spend calories outside of his committed relationship, potentially increasing opportunities for infidelity or distraction by younger partners who do not care about him. In contrast, a "soft fluff" dad bod suggests fewer doorways for potential cheating are closed off, making the partner seem like a better father figure and long-term investment. The podcast concludes that while women may fantasize about ripped fitness models in safe contexts like novels or images, their actual dating preferences skew toward men who signal stability and low threat levels. This distinction underscores the difference between short-term sexual fantasies involving highly attractive figures and the selection of partners for serious relationships where comfort, reliability, and reduced jealousy are paramount factors.
Read the full video transcript
dad bods what have you learned about Dad
bods so every once in a while on social
media people will post a picture or you
know basically one of those body fat
comparison pictures that you often see
if you follow bodybuilding and all of
that where it shows like here's someone
with 30% here's someone with 25% here's
someone with 20 and so on and it will
get down to you know guys who are stage
lean who are just jacked and very lean
and if you ask women which body do you
prefer a lot of women will say I prefer
the dad right which is a guy who maybe
is a little bit in shape but not very
much and this seems to be something that
women pretty consistently say but you
know there's a lot of discourse on that
like is that true and so I asked women I
said why why do you like the dad bod why
do you not like these other uh bodies
because we also see that these other
bodies do emerge in female fantasies for
example the coverage of romance novels
which you know is kind of the erotic
material consumed by women those are not
Dad bods those are usually someone who
looks like a fitness model you see you
know chip andell's dancers you see for
example the calendars with the sexy
firemen anytime women uh consume kind of
a visual erotic material even if it's
very light it tends to be someone who
actually is kind of jacked and all that
and and the men are described the same
way within those novels they don't tend
to be described as a dad B they tend to
be described as someone who's tall and
you know kind of lean he's got abs and
that sort of a thing so I asked women
you know why do you like the this Dad
bod and and a lot of it was like ah the
bodybuilder he comes across is
narcissistic he he would make me
insecure he might cheat on me so there's
kind of a lot going into that that it's
like H do women prefer these dad bods
perhaps because they signal some kind of
comfort they're not as threatening to
women and even the idea of a man who's
more muscular and larger you know
evolutionary women have a trade-off in
their selection of mates a strong man
who's tall and physically imposing can
protect them but he also represents more
of a physical threat to them at the time
so you have a lot of different
converging things that might make a lot
of women say you know I would prefer uh
the dad bod someone I'm who makes me
feel comfortable in a sense as opposed
to like the really jacked fitness model
kind of guy what when you're saying that
women some say that they prefer the dad
bod over the stage lean
guy what about if they're given a much
more normal you know 10% 11% body fat
guy who has a good amount of muscle mass
what what happens to the skew if you get
rid of the extremee sort of bodybuilder
body do you know well very it's very
rare that women if they see the extreme
bodybuilder they very rarely seem to say
like that's it it tends to be more of of
the leaner kind of fitness model but
still much more muscular than the
average man but still in that case they
tend to say you know I don't want that I
want kind of the fluffier guy what sort
of body fat do you think they end up
settling on can you remember I would
think it would be between 20 and
15 wow wow wow all of the GU on a permac
cut you don't need to do it anymore just
let cheesecake yourself into a new
relationship with a hottie yeah I I
remember one of my friends who's been
through all manner of different Fitness
Pursuits and weightlifting he's done
powerlifting he's done bodybuilding he
did Fitness modeling good-looking kid
and his ex-girlfriend who is no longer
with anymore perhaps this is a a
contributing reason why uh once said to
him as he was was prepping for a show
and sort of dialing in his body and
getting down to be super lean she said
um I've never been happier with you than
when you were powerlifting and for
anybody that knows what powerlifters
look like they're in that sort of 15 to
probably maybe even 25% you know as you
get up toward the super Heavies they're
fluffy they're a fluffy bunch and um yet
she said that she'd never been happier
than when that was the body type that he
presented with and I I think uh you know
a concern about intrasexual competition
about mate poaching
um that must contribute a good chunk of
it you know kind of the it's not quite
the same but guys that are concerned
about their partner posting bikini
photos on the internet you know a dude
in a sufficiently well-fitted t-shirt
who's walking around a 8% body fat
vascular as hell and with a good amount
of muscle mass yeah it's not there you
can see what's going on here right you
can you can make a lot of inferences
about what's what's happening underneath
the t-shirt in kind of the same way that
a super party hugging dress does for
women exactly yeah and something else
kind of related to that in the research
is individuals who have Partners who are
more attractive if they're men or women
uh they experience more jealousy so it
could be that that you know if someone
is more conventionally attractive
they're going to be getting more
attention perhaps it evokes more
jealousy they're going to be afraid like
you said of mate poaching they're going
to be afraid okay this person might
cheat and there is some actually
indication that for men but not for
women that men who are a little bit more
attractive might commit infidelity a
little bit more they're going to have
more sexual partners so there can be
that perception and it's not maybe
perhaps totally inaccurate that okay if
you get a guy who's very attractive he's
got a great body or something like that
uh is he going to stay committed to you
is he more likely to cheat and that's
kind of something that that women said
you know that he seems like he seems
like he could be narcissistic he cares
too much about his appearance and you
know I would worry about him being
unfaithful yeah it's I've always thought
about this that somebody that's in good
condition physically it says an awful
lot about them Beyond simply what it's
going to feel like to get them naked in
bed you know if if somebody has trained
consistently for a decade you know so
much about them you know that they're
probably not a massive degenerate
Drinker because it would be very
difficult to stick to the protocol if
you did that that they are reliable that
they can deal with discomfort that they
are able to overcome hard things that uh
they've got like a pain tolerance which
kind of sexy right like you know a whole
Litany of different things discipline
reliability they've probably got a a
pretty robust friend group from going to
the gym all that sort of stuff and that
you just you tell that but it's kind of
a little bit like a hidden signal
because the only people that really know
that are other people that also go to
the gym and it's not the first thing
they think the first thing they think is
look at the nice shoulders or the good
ass or whatever it is that they're
looking at but the people that have
spent enough time coding what this means
and I do think that it probably
percolates somewhere in the back of your
mind is that's probably quite a reliable
person but uh yeah you also end up with
a bit of a difficulty on the bodybuilder
side I wonder whether this is part of
the Allure of CrossFit athletes that
because it's not done specifically for
Aesthetics guys are able to get
themselves into good condition whilst
not seeming like they care overly about
that sort of narcissistic side of stuff
yeah that could be because there was
that perception as well that it's kind
of a vein behavior and in that sense
almost an unmasculine behavior is what
some people said that you know it's like
you should not care so much about your
appearance as a man basically it's
almost a uh but if you're jacked from
doing Brazilian jiu-jitsu or chopping
wood or doing some other thing your body
has come along as a byproduct of a
Pursuit that you actually care about so
I remember a while ago and I got a lot
of stick for this on the internet I
remember reading a study a theory that
said one of the reasons why women prefer
dadbods is this uh caloric Choice idea
so um a man that is really good-looking
and and and like lean and in good
condition if you give him one calorie
there is there are more Avenues open to
him outside of his committed
relationship and his family to which he
could spend that calorie right so the
resources have more different angles for
him to go down because there's going to
be other mating opportunities so on and
so forth whereas the guy that was the
soft fluff dad bod would presumably have
more doorways of potential infidelity
closed to him which actually means that
he it was that Dad bods are an
indication of better dads was the
thought that he's not going to spend his
calorie trying to chase after some 21y
old because she doesn't care about him
so I thought that was uh another
interesting kind of second order effect
of the way that women perceive their
current mate uh level of um potential
strain yeah exactly yeah and and what
you said there dad bods are indicative
of better dads I think that's very
insightful and important because yeah it
is kind of a contrast between long-term
versus short-term mate selection when
people you know women have a strong
orientation toward long-term very few
women have a strong orientation towards
short-term so when you see women Express
their preferences they're often talking
about in the context of who would I date
who would I like to have a relationship
with perhaps not as often as you know
who would I like to have a one night
stand with and maybe that's why we see
see Dad bods selected if you post those
pictures they'll say yeah this is kind
of what I would like they're thinking
about a longterm but then you maybe see
the more ripped jacked guy appear as a
character in female fantasies where it's
more sexually oriented because within
the context of a fantasy it's safe but
that doesn't mean that that same man
would be safe in the context of a real
life relationship every single morning
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