We Forced Matt Into Shoe Tattoos and Here’s What We Chose (Season 08 Episode 13)

Okay. So, I trusted a fart and then a liquid. >> No, not that. Cuz we're going to die soon. Remember, halfway past. If you are 35 or over, you are dead. >> I'm a bit upset that she unmatched. [laughter] What a [ __ ] [laughter] >> No, that's hectic [ __ ] >> It still counts as illegal. I don't understand how you don't get that. >> I haven't seen a law. >> She's not conscious. >> If you put an E in front of legal, it's actually illegal. Welcome to episode number 13 of the Muddy Mocka fully actual podcast where you can expect jokes of such high quality that you will forget all of your life's problems temporarily and then afterwards it'll all come crashing back in and you That's right. My life is a mess. But for the next hour and a half, please relax and enjoy what comes to follow. >> Matthew >> Martin. >> No, that's why he was like passing you to say something. >> Um, well done. >> Welcome back. >> Let him let him go on, Matt. No, it's okay. >> You got something to tell tell the people. >> No, we should change this to we talk over each other podcast. >> Say your best joke, Matt. I'll go first. >> I just did. I just did. I nailed it. >> My joke is um >> um look uh there. Okay. >> You're just as good as me. >> No, no. I've got something. I've got something. Um Yep. Okay. So, look, I'm feeling kind of cold. Maybe my name's Mr. Frozen. [laughter] Matt loves it. It's unbelievable. >> That's pretty good. [laughter] >> Oh no. I hate it like that. [laughter] >> That's trying trying hard not to like that, but he loves it. >> It's cuz it reminded him of Mr. Freeze from Batman. [laughter] >> That's what came in my head. >> Yeah. >> Look, we're a little bit uh under the weather today. There's like a sickness going around and we had James' engagement party over the weekend. >> And it's Monday now and we're feeling a little flat, a little drained from the brain. >> Yeah, I see. >> Yeah. So, man, good night, bud. >> Good fight. >> There's been lack of sleep all around. Some have been self-induced. My son has rhino virus and I'm very severely worried. >> I feel like it's going around everyone. >> Oh, dude. Everyone's sick. I shot myself today. Yeah, Michael shhat himself today. He can't trust farts at the moment. >> Through the undies, through the pants onto the couch >> and instantly he he sat up within one second and there was a big patch of liquid. >> It was immed. >> I felt it. >> Yeah, [laughter] it was so weird. Never done that. >> Well, it's been a couple I said a couple years on the Instagram story, but it's probably been a couple months. But like, yeah, I thought I was past that. You know, I'm a dad now and can you please on the podcast? This is perfect. Call Kevin and let him know that he needs to take the cover off that couch and put it through a hot wash because you it want to hear him. >> Siri, call Kev. >> This is going to be good. >> Make sure you hold the phone up to the microphone. You don't do that. >> That's 50 bucks. >> Hey. >> Yeah. What's up? >> Um, just what are you doing? I just took a [ __ ] >> Oh, dude, that is so relevant. So, you know how you saw me hosing my [ __ ] before cuz I'd shot myself while you're mowing the lawn. >> Yeah. >> Well, firstly, sorry about that cuz you didn't really need to see that. But secondly, um I was wondering, are you into washing uh couch cushions? >> Did you [ __ ] on the couch cushion? >> Look, I'm not going to say I didn't, but I might. It might. There's a maze. >> He did, Kevin. He's shot on it. There's a big stain on it when >> So you will be cleaning that. >> Radio. >> Thank you, Kev. I love you. >> No, tell him. Tell him how. >> Okay. So, I trusted a fart and then a liquid. >> No, not that. Tell him how in his wash won't know. >> Yeah, I don't know how that works. I think you take the cover off. >> Yes. >> And then you put it in the wash. Does that make sense to you? >> Yeah, that makes sense. >> Well, thank you so much, Kevin. I also recommend maybe wear some gloves >> and a mask. I'm probably going to wear some gloves. >> It's only a It's only a tiny tiny little [ __ ] spot. Another thing, hot choose the hot wash program on the washing machine. And that's not the That's not like hot steamy sex side of stuff. That's like the actual washing machine temperature. Wear protection. >> No, >> it's flushing. >> All right. Bye-bye. [laughter] >> See you, dude. >> All right. Bye-bye, >> man. He's taking a [ __ ] I'm taking a [ __ ] But at least he uses his toilet. >> He was pretty chilled with that. Although he does change the massive tank on our thunder box toilet. >> Yeah, I did it with him and it's it's there's one bad part. There's like a a liquid uh like >> funnel down the bottom and you've got to undo that tube and quickly put the one on for the next tank. So like as soon as you undo it, just this brownie black like >> liquid >> clear liquid just pours out. So you got to block that really fast. So, for those who don't know, we have a an like an outhouse essentially here. >> Compost toilet. Thank you. And because of climate change. >> Well, just cuz the walk to the house is just too far. So, we just got a compost toilet and Kevin has has the the job of exchanging the bucket underneath out every couple months. Months of >> I saw the compost, though. >> It's great. Doesn't stink anymore. Just pure compost. Yeah. >> That's so weird, >> isn't it? There's there's some woman on Instagram who went viral because she grows all of her food in her own [ __ ] >> Wow. >> How weird is that? Eh, >> a compost toilet. >> Yeah. >> Or she just [ __ ] >> someone's calling me. Oh my gosh. >> Who the [ __ ] is this? >> Who the [ __ ] calls me? Who the [ __ ] >> Oh, this is exciting. >> This line is busy at the moment. Please leave a message. >> What do you want? >> A damn it. >> It's probably [ __ ] some >> the feds. Yeah, the [ __ ] Don't [ __ ] yourself. >> All right, look. We got a jam-packed episode, okay? We've got um we've got some Tinders. We got prank call. I I'm away next week. So, we're actually filming backtoback podcasts. So, we filmed the last podcast last week. So, we haven't had much time to prep for this podcast. >> It also means we will not have top comment this week. >> That's right. So, no top comment this week, but we have managed to bring back some classics to fill this episode. So, we got trauma trivia with a really punishment that I think we will all regret deciding saying yes to um and prank call and um look what else is there. >> We've come up with an idea where you know how like Matt says no to a lot of these top comments. >> Oh yeah. >> We thought look let's just everything is better when it's done in a group mentality. You can sort of share the pain, have a laugh at your mate in pain while you're going through pain. So we thought let's do a website video created around the podcast top comments. Obviously, we can't do ones like >> cut your finger off. >> Yeah. Yeah. Like too too extreme. But we can do I reckon a lot of these things like the whole body wax one. There's like another one about >> So there Yeah. There are two at the moment that that Matt has said no to that we're like let's just do them because they're kind of cool. Yeah. So there's a body wax one and Yeah. Have his shoes in honey while he's eating peanut butter. So those are the first two already. So instead of just us Matt saying no to all of your wonderful ideas, we're going to turn them into a website video. But don't worry, you don't have to be a website member to see little snippets of it for the potty, too. >> That's right. So, >> let's see how many nos come out of the boys. >> Yeah. But yeah, like Michael said, there are some rules. So, we don't play with fire anymore. >> Um, and >> we don't swallow coffee beans. >> We don't we don't we don't swallow. There's no digestive videos anymore or anything anally inserted anymore. >> Yeah. >> Both of those end us in hospital or Michael in hospital. And um nothing that can change us permanently. >> Like >> tattoos are okay. >> Yeah. Yeah. But like change our current structure. >> I don't want to be a burns. I don't want burns. >> Change your current structure permanently. That's a good >> Hang on. Because this is going You're leaving it very vague. I would say that you'd say yes to some tattoos, not all. >> Mate, we're not magazines here. We're not >> Yes, you are. You will not say yes to any. >> I don't know why you're talking about vague. So, comment away your ideas for punishments and we will be filming it a for a website video and b we're going to get a highlights reel together and do all of the top comments that she has said no to plus the new ones you guys come up. >> So, will you do them if we do them with us? >> Will you do them? >> He said no to the honey in the shoes. >> That's like so easy. >> I said no to that because of the mess that would make in here. >> Hey, you want speaking of messes? Guess who picked up all the bloody caterpillars that you threw around last week? >> Caterpillars? >> Yeah, we ate them. Then you threw them. I picked him up. >> Might see how clean this is. >> It's more controversial these days. >> What time you are? >> It's more controversial these days that you say no to things. >> Why? >> Cuz you you you got hired. >> You've got [clears throat] Well, I don't say I don't hang on. So I I'm not going to sell my soul. Like if there's something I don't want to do, I'm not going to do it. >> You will be getting tattooed shoes, though. >> Well, yeah. I agreed to that. >> Okay. Even if you said no, I would make you do that. I didn't say it was wrong. I just said it was controversial. >> You've been hired to entertain and this is what they want to see. They're letting us know. >> That's where I I'm an outstanding employee because that is not why I was hired. >> Have you ever said but I do it sometimes. >> Have you ever said sorry? Sorry, I won't bury you. Have you ever said no to anything in your videos? >> Oh yeah. >> But if there's a top com that asked me to put my feet in honey, that's that that is an easy day. >> It's not hard. I just said it's messy. So I didn't want >> It's actually sticky, buddy. And also >> he called you muddy. Now we let's get to the nitty-gritty. >> Go on. >> I read through the tattoo comments from all these fabulous viewers and they had some great suggestions. Would you get the shoes from the Wizard of Oz tattooed on your foot? >> Oh, I screenshotted a bunch of suggestions if >> Why don't you read some out town? >> What? The Wizard of Oz, you know, when Joshua know this. You know, when she hits her heels together, what's what does that do? Is that magic? >> There's no plus. There's no plus lake climb home. There's no plus home. There's no plus. >> So, what does it do? It has to do something. I thought it's magic. >> It creates magic. So it move it takes her from there and takes her somewhere nice. >> Yeah. I don't know. I think she It's a whole remember. I just remember >> flying monkeys and that green face [ __ ] >> Matt. >> Um Britney Naba neighbor uh said gladiator sandals would be hilarious. >> I'd be down with that. >> I see it. Yeah. Let's tattoo. They have to go up to here. >> Yeah. See, we're not going to go up the leg. >> So where's your limit? >> I was going to get him on the foot. you guys. >> I've got High Tops. Thank you. We have to have Matt walking through like a grass field with like dramatic music like running his >> hand. That would be good. Before you continue reading, what's your favorite so far? >> Um, >> what are you leaning towards? >> We were suggesting um Checker Vans the other day. >> Yeah. So Matt's going for Check. >> That's the most one I've said. >> And what what is your reason for that? Because you because it's cool. >> Yeah. I just think that's the coolest one I've heard so far. Matt thinks that that the check advance are the coolest ones. And we're going to let him continue to think that. And if you want that one, we're all we're all happy with that. But anyway, let's read through some of these amazing suggestions. >> Have you said what's what do you think's the coolest? >> I Well, let's hear some. I can't even remember. >> I'd love cowboy boots. >> You have cowboy boots. >> Um funny to me is cool. So, I would go the funniest >> or like leggings like those sexy sexy girls with like the actual connection bit to your undies. So, you get undies as well. >> This is your go too far. Just look, you got to dream big. >> No one's gonna put leggings on. [laughter] >> Oh man. >> Um, >> Nicholas Coverdale's was one of the pe a lot of people said Wizard of Oz slippers, but Nicholas Coverdale's one I screenshotted which he just suggested before. >> Yeah, we've spoken about that, mate. >> Yeah, I'm just giving >> I want to hear a new one now. >> Jesus. >> Sorry. >> You see, this is what he's really like. Um Josh Lane said uh cowboy boots like crocodile dundee. >> I ALREADY SAID THAT. >> Too high up. E. >> Sorry. >> He's going to mute you. You've been muted, mate. >> Time out. Time out for Michael. I can hear myself. >> You gone. >> All right. Um Jonathan Mitchell said, "Shn's." >> That's not bad. >> Which is one we spoke about as well. >> However, very popular now. less timeless. I feel like in five years everyone would be like, "Fuck me." What was that? >> I can't picture what they look like. >> That's what I think the checkered vans like a huge chunk of people won't even know what the [ __ ] that is. >> You'd recognize them for sure, Brown. It's what like essays wear. >> I just They look like runners, do they? >> I don't with lines on them. >> Uh like that. >> Oh yeah. >> Oh yeah. Very common. Very >> They just look like every shoe. >> Like that color. >> Yeah, that color. They just look like every shoe. I'll send you screenshots of them. [laughter] Joshy. >> Um Dylan S said Dunlop Volley. >> Yeah, Volley was a good idea. >> Oh yeah, that'd be good. >> Again, I don't think many people would know who that is. What that is? >> Yeah, I [clears throat] have mates who literally just still wear them only for a cam. Obsessed. >> There's no ankle support. Remember tennis? >> Where do you get them? >> Started that was the grass core tennis play initially. >> Wow. So, >> would you like to come back? >> Yes. Yes, please. >> Uh, ask nicely. >> I'd love to come back, please. Thank you. [snorts] >> Just know I have that power. >> I was really hoping as soon as you were on there, you start screaming abuse at him and get muted [laughter] again. >> That would have been very, very good. >> Hannah Hobnob. >> Don't laugh at her last name. Sorry. >> People can't help their own name. >> SEXUAL HARASSMENT. PORN LIKE THAT. >> SEXUAL HARASSMENT. [laughter] UM, can Matt get clown shoes tattooed? >> Dude, but you can't make them big. >> Yeah, I know. Bowling shoes is the good alternative. >> Bowling shoes. I would be I'd get around that hard. [laughter] >> Would [snorts] you like to come back? >> All right. Um, Joe Campbell said, "How about James get some shoes tattoos, too?" >> Absolutely. >> Oh, now he's saying no. >> Yeah, but the difference is >> there's no way. We hired James for his brain. We hired you for your body. James has already done more than what he's been hired for. You know what I mean? >> Make excuses. I'll back whatever you guys say. >> Um, Straight Smoking said, uh, high heels. >> Yeah, we we said that. High heels. But again, how do you >> You have to walk around on your tippy toes to make it look like they're actually high heels. >> Good. >> Um, Bradley Davis said, "Make Matt Brown get Uggs." UG boots >> classic >> and lots of brown on your feet. >> Richard Cot train said um Matt Brown and Burks as in Birkenstocks. >> That's hip. >> It's a hip hop. We actually looked at your Birkenstocks and was like, "Oh, that's cuz you got two straps." >> Yeah, that would look cool. >> They all have two straps. >> I don't know. I don't have >> Yeah, I think so. Otherwise, they look like slides. >> Oh, they're not Burkies then. >> Um I wonder if that would be um a more simpler tattoo to do. >> Oh, 100%. It's just two straps. You don't have the whole backbone of the felani. >> And then see, I I have to admit I would put Burks on the list as a maybe. >> You have to be a dad to own him. So there's no way you >> And then um >> he could be a dad. >> I could be a dad. >> He's not though. But he could be. >> Oh yeah. Thailand. >> Yeah. Oh, dude. Lots of countries. Mexico. >> Oh, I spread some seed in Mexico. >> Bolivia. [laughter] >> No, not in Bolivia. No. >> Too risky. >> No, I just it was just there's nothing around. What about Peru? [laughter] >> Yeah, there's one in Peru. >> Nothing around. [laughter] >> Oh [ __ ] >> Um, but yeah, that is amazing. Would you >> Mongolian? >> No. >> All right. So, what what's your favorite? >> Um, I reckon check advance, but I'm really open to the Burks. And would you have like a black strap around the bottom bit here to Yes. >> Look, I've got an idea cuz we're very >> What color Burks? >> Sorry. Um, [laughter] >> oh, what colors do you have? Oh, it just wouldn't it just be the tattoo ink? >> Well, why don't we leave it to the audience to decide out of Burks and check advance? >> Okay, Burks and Check Advance. Oh, Michael, do you have a question? >> Yes. >> Yes. So, look, I think cuz we are in 2025 or six now. We should be very inclusive. And obviously here at Marty Michael, we are. So, Matt is going to represent the alternative community. And you instead of having black and white, now I know what's alternative. I think you just go with like a rainbow. So it's sort of like pride vans. >> No. [cough] [clears throat] >> Why? >> I don't want rainbow pride vans. >> The the black and white I reckon, man. I can see it. I can see the black and white. >> So s I can't remember who the name of the person, but uh a website member. >> That's not not enough. >> Those kind of Burks. >> Not enough tattoos. >> You'd have to get the soul tattooed on or something about >> Yeah. Like around the base to show. >> Yeah, but that comes off real easy. >> They've got those kind of burks. It just looks like a big mush. >> But um somebody did send an AI picture of the what the the vans checkered vans look like and it looked pretty cool. >> Okay. >> Yeah. I can't sorry I can't remember who that was, but >> they're the last option for Burken. We're going to vans. >> We're going the vans. It's sorted. Look, we will have this. Obviously, it's going to be a bit of a fling flong flang because Marty's away next week. So, I reckon let's see if we can schedule in your tattoo for >> tonight. I'm gonna say two weeks time. So, give us like three weeks and I reckon we'll have tattooed shoes on Matt. >> They're not bad. >> Either them or the classics. >> The classics. Classics. >> Yeah. >> This part will be rough to tattoo. You know, the little elastic bits >> and the pure white. Stap. >> Matt, can you do us a favor and reach out to Vans on Instagram? Just let them know what we're doing. Great idea. >> Conversion Crocs completely ignored us, but we're in a very different space back then. Very not commercially friendly. >> Now, also, I have a suggestion. You want black and white? >> Yeah. >> Okay. >> Oh, yeah. I have a suggestion. Would you be open instead of having Vans and the branding Vans, could you put just jeans? [laughter] >> Can I have a bit of time to think about that? Cuz that is very, very good. >> It's pretty good. >> That's very good. But I I want to I want to be faithful cuz to the Vans. [laughter] >> If brands If fans don't give you the brand deal, then we go just jeans. >> Oh, imagine an ass tattoo with the just the the jeans pocket and just jeans. >> Dude, imagine getting jeans tattooed on you, man. >> Or like a full-on tuxedo or something. Imagine going that heavy with it. >> Oh, man. >> Wow. >> Limited edition brown checkered Vans. That is where it's at. >> No, we're going to stick to black and white faithfuls, brother. All right. >> The black will last longer, too. The color fades. >> Okay. Some new things I'd like to mention is I have asked everyone on Instagram to roast us and I've read them and they're quite hurtful. Marty, you got out of it scotfree. >> What? Not one? >> Yeah. Not one to Marty. Matt, me and you are mainly in the comments slightly. So, look, there's going to be some mean things is we're going to do a reading our own mean comments about ourselves. But before we get to that, >> before we get to that, I've been getting sent lots of uh >> death. >> Death. But I've been getting sent this video of um >> yourself. Oh, yeah. >> Yeah. I told you. Have you guys seen this? >> Matt did this thing years ago. Well, like 2021, I think. >> He worked for SeaWorld or some [ __ ] >> He was doing a photo shoot for SeaWorld and he was one of the models and so they asked him to put a mermaid outfit on and get some underwater shots of him. And that video has literally just started circulating randomly. Like you just did that for a for SeaWorld. >> It was a prom promotion for like the Me Too movement back in like 2016. >> So years ago. And now that's resurfaced and it's going [ __ ] viral. The music's nice. Let's play it. >> So basically this guy called Red River Merman uh a dude in America is a stunning doppelganger. >> He's ashamed of it. So yeah. Yeah. Just play it. Just play it. Now do we'll play it right now, please. Thank you. >> This is Matthew Brown. It was promotion material for the Me Too movement, but they got the most heinous man to actually promote for their movement cuz he's what he's done from his black book is insane. For them to promote him back then for his their whole foundation and then you're there as the front face, that's insane to me. It would have been funnier if he was a doppelganger comments that you made. Anyway, doesn't matter. >> Such a shame. [laughter] >> From memory, I remember it was the movements were very graceful and like I didn't know he had that kind of flexibility. >> He's very beautiful how he does it. >> I didn't know you could move like that. >> I want Matt to remake it. I think we need to remake that video idea. >> Would you remake that? >> Is it like do you have to have some skill to do >> and then we'll do a seen? >> You got to be able to swim. seen people sing. >> Put one of those pegs on your nose. Put a peg on your nose and then dude, we'll do a side by side. Remember what we used to do with those creeps? Remember this got deleted on Facebook for sexual activity? >> Look, there was some You were the girl. Way too good. You were better at being the girl than the actual >> I actually support it getting removed. That was the chin. There's a chin thing going on that you did. I think it's on Tik Tok. Yeah, that Oh, go side profile for the viewers. See? >> Oh, yeah. No [ __ ] >> Oh, and he puts his hand on my chest. So, >> I found one >> and that got deleted. >> Yeah. >> Oh, [sighs] >> it's so cool. E. >> Oh. >> Oh, Michael does that very well. [laughter] >> Holy. That's a 10 out of 10. >> First take. First take, too. That's wrong. >> Actually, I remember we used uh we we set up a camera while we did every take to get it and we put it on the behind the scenes for the premium members on the website and they loved it cuz it was just us having to do that take over and over again. Us getting highly, highly close sexual. Oh, yeah. It was hot and heavy. >> Wonder where those two are now. >> Oh, man. They're Swedish, actually. That's fun fact about them. All right. Should we have a car and maybe a bong? Yeah, there is. >> Sorry. >> The competition continues today. >> Yeah, I got my ass handled to me last week. >> It's two all at the moment. There is no difference between the athletic ability of Michael and Matt. But today, javelin is what is being done. >> So strength but coordination. >> Exactly. >> So look, he I won discus but he won shot put. Okay. So this is like the in between. So this is the meeting point. Obviously the agility I've got, he's got more >> weight, so he can throw me about, but what if I was Anyway, >> Matt's looking up videos of Aboriginal people throwing spears. >> Is that right? >> That's different, Matt. >> That's actually racist. >> He's going [gasps] to be That's who he's going to copy. >> Piss. >> Oh, yeah. >> Thank you, Matt. So, look, >> that's what I was looking at. >> There was some task that happened. The favorites. We ate a box of favorites and I forgot that there was a wager on it and I remembered today I get to piss on Matt's leg. So this will be on the Spotify version I think and we won't be able to show my dick coming directly the piss coming out of it into onto his leg but you'll get the idea. So if you go to Spotify you'll be able to see that we're going to do that later when I get a piss brood. >> Forgot about it. >> So stay tuned because Michael is going to piss on Matt's leg >> and upper leg as the punishment for Michael winning the favorites challenge. So, we're going to be right back after this Carver/bong break and we will get into some trauma trivia and some other roasts. >> And some roasts. Just stop aiming high. Oh. Oh, that is [ __ ] [screaming] Stop going high. You've not meant to go so high. Has there much piss in there? Yeah. Oh my god. Is it over? >> Is it meant to burn? >> Yeah. >> Oh, and that's what you get for losing. Oh jeez. >> It's my we don't mind. >> Doesn't smell right. I swear he has an infection of some kind. He's still pissing. >> He's pissing again. [laughter] >> It just came on. >> That's insane. >> Oh man. [sighs] >> Done. Minor predictable. Fat, bald, old, old, depressed, single. [sighs] Heard [laughter] it all before. >> Okay, >> we need to keep that in. That's coming in right before that. [laughter] >> So, like you would have heard Matt, we're just talking about the new segment that we've done. I've got you guys to send in your roasts about us individually. That's what Matt's worried. Well, he's predict he's predicting that. Okay. Look, it might surprise you. I haven't read through them. I just scanned them. That's one's Matt. That one's me. That one's Matt. Matt. Me. Matt. Me. Matt. Me. Matt. One. James. None. For the Golden Boy here. >> I thought there'd be something Germany in there. Oh, should I quickly check fully actual? I didn't have a look at that. >> Oh, well, you check that and then I'll hand people phones. Who will be reading these ones out? >> Can I read some of Matt? >> There's none on me. >> Yeah. Look, we'll uh save the most. Uh, >> I'll read one. I mean, first, >> this one's rough. >> Well, let's read the people's names as well. >> This is this is a rough one. Okay, so this is from Fletcher. Thank you, Fletcher. This really helped my like confidence. And just keep in mind in the photo on the Gram, we were trying to look ugly. Okay, >> sorry. >> See Michael still holding on to that hipster long hair. Ha, it's thinning quicker than Kelly Osborne on OMIC. It'll be looking like Austin's real hair used to crack out the hat baldy. [laughter] >> No, I feel like you're nearly 40. You'd know by now if you're going balls. >> Yeah, but still like it can look. If I go like this, you know, it looks like I'm [ __ ] So, yeah, mate. >> I get it. >> Until you're at me, you got nothing to complain about. >> No. Yeah. There's definitely like if someone sees a top of my head, it's a bit like, oh [ __ ] >> I never think that though when I see the top of your head. I I I immediately notice it because you don't look at me because I'm tall so people don't usually see the top of my head. But but then when I do that it's like oh >> do you take photos of it to look at it? >> No. >> Cuz I was going to say the photos will probably reveal it more. >> Yeah. That's why I don't take them. >> Yeah. [laughter] >> This one's sort of a combined one. So I'll read it on behalf because I think it is mainly targeted at me and I think Brown. It's a long thing so I'll just go for it. All right. This is from Connor Riley. Michael, you should be a realworld Billy Madison and repeat school to actually learn something for the first time in your life. And while you're there, you should be bullied to make up for all the missed bullying in your life for being a little teacher's pet [ __ ] Suckup little meth girl. If Brown had better energy levels, he would actually beat your cheating soul in any task presented. Unfortunately, he has no selfrespect of a junky [ __ ] who continues to be second best to Mickey methhead. We love you really, but you are such an only child of a human who can't handle the fact he can't win without cheating and his real name's Allan. So, I was there a bit of you in there or was that all targeted at me? >> I'm not sure. >> It was very funny that he said you have only you're only child even though you're not. >> Yeah. >> Thank Well, thank you, Alan. Even though it says Connor is your name, so you're a bloody catfish. All right, here is one. Marty. >> Oh, Marty is a [laughter] >> That one must cut deep, buddy. That one must cut deep. >> Yeah, it does. >> All right, Matt, have a read. >> I've got I've got someone here. >> I'll let Marty read Matt's. >> I've got some here I can read if you want. >> It's from Aiden. Good. Matt, I liked you better when you were at Wholesome and Off the Screen. >> [laughter] >> Yeah. >> Okay. >> Do you want to read this one? >> I got a bunch here. >> Yeah. Matt should read his own for sure. >> Go on. [laughter] Matt Brown is a [ __ ] fat bloated hog [ __ ] Sorry. [laughter] >> Pretty good. >> And that was from uh Quinn Jarrett. >> Cheers Quinn. Cheers, Quinn. [laughter] >> All right, maybe. Okay, so this >> We should have had their photos pop up as we're uh reading these out. >> This one's to you, Matt. I'm sorry. It's quite long, so I'll probably read it because it would take you a while. >> All right, this is >> I'm a better reader than you, by the way. >> I think the dead [ __ ] video speaks for Oh, really? >> reading competition. >> 100%. That's got to happen. Reading. >> Speed reading and then comprehension. >> Yeah. >> What's comprehension mean again? How much you how well you understand? it. >> I have old reading tests back from my teaching days. >> Well, maybe we could do that as next week cuz now it's not just athletics carnival stuff. It's actually everything. >> I can read the words. I probably won't be able to comprehend them all. >> Well, that's part of reading. >> Yeah, I know. Otherwise, you wouldn't know if you read it. >> Cooper says to the one and only Matt Brown, the camel, your mother in this case, waited nine months to name you Matt. You pasty white hairless legs give me chills. Your lesbian lawn bowl shoes is really something. I would see a 50-year-old dyke in Brisbane city grinding her up against a pole as the stink lingers. Don't get me started with those sheep goat cow jackets. Give the goat his foreskin back and wear good clothes. You know I'm only joking. I love you brown, but I will certainly be near you and it's children and a pencil sharpener. >> That's hot. See, look. >> I don't know. That turned me on. It was like a flirt. This is from Leonard with his with Michael looks like a lesbian gym teacher. [laughter] Yeah, I can see that. >> Jack Matt Brown says no more than the kids on Epstein Island. The raggedy shockcocked bag. Shootcock bag. All the other boys just keep doing what they're doing and never change a thing. Matt Brown, however, please continue to change. [laughter] >> We'll see the nose come out soon. And then look, this is just a hair related one to you, James. >> Oh, yeah. Classic. That's That's what I got. No, that's fair. >> James, stop wearing the hat and compensating with the mustache. We all know you're balder than Marty. That's fair and true. >> Say we're on pretty on par. >> If that guy was here right now, what would your reaction be? >> Does he have a nice car? >> Yeah. >> I'll key it. [laughter] It could be a miss and not a kill. >> I'm coming to terms with it. I'm just going to be like a musly bald guy. That's all good. >> Um, I've got [clears throat] a couple here. Um, >> Cory Dehan, Matt Fat Brown, just straight out classic. It's a it's a it's a classic. It's >> what you predicted. >> It's a constant one that I get. Um, >> you never you last year, this time last year, you weren't fat. Uh, Colleen, uh, it's quite obviously that the brown is not the sharpest tool in the shed. Watching him try to solve a problem is like watching a dog try to figure out how a mirror works. [laughter] >> A mirror. >> Mirror. He's confused, but I'm just impressed you haven't barked at yourself yet. [laughter] You've got two brain cells, and they're both competing for third place. Somewhere, a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for you. Go apologize to it. >> [laughter] >> That's not bad. >> Good writing. >> Very creative. >> Brown. You aren't a bachelor. You're an exclusive limited edition liability whose primary assets are high score and a couch. I don't know why. >> So, it's like you're a gamer. [laughter] >> Oh. Um, Troy Morrison. This one's for Michael. The only nine Michael has in worms is the nine worms in his ass. >> [laughter] >> Look, I I thought the other day I did have worms, but I realized I didn't wipe properly and it was a bad idea. >> You might have. >> Yeah, I didn't wipe properly and it gets itchy. G-spots central. If you want G-spots, don't wipe properly. >> Holy sh >> Who's that from? >> Yeah, that's a novel. I don't know if >> his mom. >> I don't know if we could bother [laughter] reading that one. >> Marty can read it. >> It's long. I'll read it, but it's just it's long. Um, from Jasmine. Matt, you've been bald so long. Ever Matt, you've been bald so long even your hair gave up believing in you. Every time there's a stunt to do, you suddenly remember you've got a bad knee. I do have not have a bad knee. I've got a bad uh wrist, >> a sore back, and some urgent reason to stay on the sidelines. I am falling apart. It's It's just It's happening. Uh Michael, I I don't back out though. I just I just don't like to throw [laughter] at certain things cuz um it hurts. Well, and it'll ruin the video. ruin the video. >> You're proving a right. No, I'm not. [laughter] >> That's Would you rather Would you rather with it? [laughter] Just read the >> Would you rather throw Have someone throw perfectly and get pain or me throw and not You're correcting her, right? >> Correcting her. [laughter] >> Michael's already halfway through a stunt while you're still asking if it's safe. Your biggest adrenaline rush is pressing pressing place order on Uber Eats. I've never seen [laughter] >> Oh my god. >> I've never seen someone so uncoordinated in my life. Watching you run looks like your arms and legs met for the first time that morning. [laughter] If there were an award for turning the simplest task into a complete disaster, you'd win it every single year. Somehow Michael ends up looking like an elite athlete just by standing next to you. Yeah. Wait till you see today's podcast. >> Then there's your dating life. Uh, at this point it's less of a dry spell and more of a historical error. If confidence came from skill, you'd be whispering, "Michael's out there making memories while you're making excuses, and somehow he still ends up better at everything." [laughter] >> The only thing you've consistently beaten Michael at is finding reasons not to do something. [laughter] >> Sore wrist. >> Except for shot put and today's wrestling. [laughter] Honestly, your greatest talent is making everyone else around you look more competent. Michael's carrying the team so hard he should start charging you rent for living in his shadow. [laughter] >> [ __ ] hell. >> Wow. Jasmine really wants to [ __ ] you. [laughter] >> Oh, she could be playing hard to get on you. >> No, that's too hard to get. [laughter] >> Oh. >> Um, and what else have I got? Harry Shelton. Brown is so down. Brown is so down that it makes the whole town frown. >> It's poetry. >> Um, Angus McFaran. Uh, Michael, you as dirty as a hooker that has come and [ __ ] leaking out of her slit. You little [ __ ] Matt Gregory Brown from Wholesome eats more food than a [ __ ] bear. Marty, you long neck German. You idiot. Nothing bad to say about James, but untuck your shirt, mate. [laughter] >> Never. Never. I'm too short. [gasps] That's why cuz if I wear the shirt normally, it comes down to my shins. >> I like that one from Angus. It was very to the point. >> Oh man, that was Look, look, we haven't done that for We've never done that. It was quite Look, it's [clears throat] nice to just own your >> We should ask We should also ask our podcast viewers and website members to roast cuz I feel like cuz our Instagram audience knows us, but you guys and our website members know us far deeper. >> Yeah. So, how about we chuck that to you guys? Comment and then just maybe on one of us so we don't have like lists of you just pick someone you want to target, put their name at the top, then a little like four sentences or if you wanted that [ __ ] Haley McFaren was it >> Angus. >> Jasmine. >> Jasmine. She nailed that was that was a long story but it made me laugh. >> Michael wants to fight Jasmine now. Look, he's flirting back. You're flirting. I'm telling your wife that was flirting back. >> Look, I'm just complimenting where compliments are due. Now comment on someone best roast and we'll read them out next week. I think that's very funny. >> Yeah. Okay. >> Should we send them to one fully actual or Instagram? >> You can just do it in the comments. >> Oh yeah. >> Spotify. Yeah. >> All right. It's time for some This is crazy. Some trauma trivia with incredibly painful punishment this week. >> Have you got many rulers? Cuz they will snap on our body. >> That's great. That's great news. I don't have a board. >> I don't have a pen. >> Ow. Ow. My shin. >> That's a good catch. [clears throat] That was one handed, by the way. [sighs] >> [ __ ] This is dumb, man. This is real dumb. >> What's the topic, Brown? >> Play the jingle. Play the jingle. Pick that knowing that the slap is easier than that. You want to test that? >> This is more painful than a slap. I guarantee. >> Really? >> Yeah. Full power swing with that thing. >> Yeah. You >> It's going to leave color. >> All you got to do is get the question. >> Like, >> yeah. >> One in three chance. This is statistically you're fine. Sort of. 30. >> We're in our [snorts] 30s. >> Michael always like gets gets away with in trauma trivia somehow. >> Does he? >> Oh, look. Maybe the last two weeks. I think you got away with it last week. >> Yeah, that's right. >> All right, here we go. >> Welcome back. Trauma trivia is here. And um it's I didn't really have a subject, so I just picked some random questions. >> You know what would be cool? Sorry to interrupt, but imagine if the [clears throat] loser, like the person, let's say I got three hits. I get to choose the topic for the next trivia. >> Oh, yeah. I'm down for that. >> Giving me an advantage. [laughter] >> Oh, you mean like the loser gets to choose? Yeah. Yeah, I can. Yeah, I'm down about that. >> All right. I'm down with the sickness. [clears throat] >> See how James apologized for talking over me then? Michael, >> what? >> Anyway, um all right, question number one. >> Hurry up. [laughter] >> In pounds? In pounds? >> Oh, no. Marty's good at this. >> Yeah, in weight. Sorry. In the weight. >> Shetman. Shitman. >> How strong is a saltwater crocodile's bite? >> In pounds. Now it has it has the number which is the answer and then it says PSI which is pounds per square inch which is what the measurement [clears throat] is but it says pounds pounds per square inch. How strong is a saltwater crocodile bite? It's a bit of a tossup whether the crocodile and the shark is the has the most craziest bite. Okay. Um all right. Whoa. [snorts] >> 3 2 1 >> go. >> 499. I'm in the middle. 1,111 PSI. >> The answer is >> [ __ ] >> 3,700 PSI. >> I've lost, haven't I? Marty strikes. [laughter] >> That is hard. >> I don't understand PSI. >> You've cursed him. >> We're not [ __ ] putting air in tires. >> [laughter] >> Oh man. >> Do you want to pan it all, Michael? >> I'm so scared. >> Kill him, Mark. >> Oh my god. It snapped and scratched. Whoa. And it wrapped. Immediate huge damage. >> They used to do that at school. >> Wow. They do break >> out of 10. >> Yeah, it's say it's like a seven. >> Oh. >> Oh, okay. It's not as bad. >> I don't like seven. Seven's always bad. >> Look, it's just a mark. It's just another mark on my body. [laughter] >> Look, you got poison. You got text. >> It's just another mark. >> You got text. All right. Question number two. >> What was the weight in kilos? >> You all right, Michael? Do you need a minute? >> Good. >> They're good. What was the weight in kilos of the atomic bomb that was dropped on Hiroshima in World War II? What was the weight of that bomb? >> In kilos. >> I do have the answer in pounds as well, but we're going to go in kilos to answer this question because we're not three, two, one. >> 7,000 kg. >> I'm in the middle. 1,999. 100%. There's not. That's like five people. >> I think James has it, >> dude. Um, >> it's two tons. That's quite heavy. It's like two Chevys. >> The answer is 4,400 kilos. >> Lose. >> Where'd you put >> Marty has lost? >> Wow. [sighs] >> That's so good. >> 300 kilos, Mart. >> And for all the uh pounds people, it's 9,700 bomb. >> It's the Hiroshima bomb, my friend. >> Yeah, it was. >> So, it's just a really big bomb. But I figured it probably like two of my car. >> The whole city. It took out the whole city. Killed a lot of people. >> Yeah. I just thought it was like a lot of energy in a little bomb. >> What's the What's the point if the bomb's the size of a city? >> I don't know if it's the whole city, mate. >> But it definitely hurt most of them. >> [ __ ] >> Three, two, one, and kill. Didn't break. >> Didn't break. Oh, he's clutching the other leg. >> What happened? >> Something hit my foot as well. [laughter] >> He double double got me, >> man. I hit you so hard. How did that not snap? >> What happened? [laughter] >> I got a double. I got a doubled. >> Oh, he got my foot. >> You double dipped. >> It's quite strong next to it. >> Of course, it's going to come into your foot. foot was on the ground. >> My foot was [laughter] on the ground. My >> Oh, there's definitely leg damage. Look at that. That's quite bruised. >> Marty Tekken had no relief. You want it to slightly snap, I think. Sorry, sorry, sorry. >> Take my things anymore. Yeah. >> Hurry up, Michael. >> Question number three. >> In the United States alone, how many people slip over in the shower or bathroom and die each year? Oh, in the United States alone, how many people slip in the bathroom or the shower and die each year? I've got it. And it's actually triple infinity. >> Triple infinity. >> Three. >> Wait, >> hang on. James is still going. Pig. Oh, I'm going to be so upset if that change has [ __ ] me. >> I made a change. A last minute panic change. >> Do you guys understand what I mean with triple infinity? >> No, I think it's a really bad one. >> 449 idiots. >> 888. Triple infinity. And I'm right. >> You're a [ __ ] idiot. That's what you are. >> Oh, really? I lost. >> The answer is 365. Dude, I had three. >> I saw I saw Yeah, I saw that, >> man. I thought 3 million people you've got to have >> when you change it I was like oh [ __ ] himself and then >> it's nearly one a day that is one a day correct >> and yes like come on [laughter] >> old people >> what about old people man >> they're probably all old so who strikes who here >> I think Marty won and he strikes middle >> hit the same spot Mart hit the same bloody spot Marte >> you are going to get it Brooke You will be punished for your ignorance. >> Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about that. >> I'm sorry. >> Okay. >> You will be Brook House. >> I'm so sorry. >> Prepare the area. [laughter] >> Man, there's still so many to go. >> Blood to the surface. >> Taps are so gross. >> Three, two, one. >> [laughter] >> Marty's so much better at it than me. [laughter] >> Oh my god, >> I'm faint. [laughter] >> That was very good, boys. >> Have to get some more rules. >> Oh, man. I really would love to get through this with no strikes, but let's just see how we crack. E, >> you know, worst case only two. That's not bad. >> You're doing well. I guess >> I'm impressed. >> Even one I'd be okay with. >> All right, question number four. >> I'm sorry, James. >> Oh, no. >> At Wimbledon, how many tennis [laughter] >> How many tennis balls are used during the tournament? >> It's not that. >> I just wanted to see you cringe for a second. >> Oh, dude. Marty's doing maths in his head like some German mathematician right now. We should time limit this one so people can't >> Wait, how many are used or how many are like >> how many how many are used during a Wimbledon? >> So it'll be an approximate number. >> Yeah. [snorts] >> 5second warning. 5 4 3 two one reveal. >> 15,000. Oh no. wife said 55,000. >> Nailed it. 55,000. >> Crazy. >> NO WAY. >> OH MY GOD. >> 2,000. >> OH, thank goodness. >> Imagine we all got that cuz in one match they they have Oh, they have eight maybe. >> I saw I saw a thing. It was like >> But they reopen like Yeah. So I thought it was they do the REOPENING MAYBE TWICE. >> STOP THY EXCUSES. PREPARE THY LEGS. [laughter] GET OUT OF THE WAY, >> DUDE. I can't believe you nailed that. >> Imagine that. >> Inside's going to Yeah. >> Must snap this otherwise weak. [snorts] [laughter] [screaming] >> I hit early. >> Whoa. >> Flew. THERE WAS BITS. >> I HIT MYSELF IN the shin. Yeah. Wow. This is becoming a dangerous area. >> How much was left in my hand? >> Yeah. Wow. Very >> interesting where it breaks. >> Holy shadow. I saw a piece flying for so long. >> Yeah, that like levitated, >> man. How did you know that, >> dude? That was freaking good, >> dude. That I never would have got that. That's crazy. >> That was your question. Your >> I felt bad about that. >> Think about all the higher there's a lot of games. >> Yeah, it's true. And think about 120 >> and they're probably for qualifying as well. They'd have >> then 64 matches then you know it's everything there's so many matches. >> I actually felt bad about that question that I put the next question as a more of advantage your way. >> Oh >> but you I thought you Yeah. Wow. I'm shocked. >> Damn. >> Question number five. >> UFC. >> No. >> How many male teachers are there in Australia across primary and secondary [laughter] schools man? How many male teachers are there in Australia across primary and secondary schools? >> Have a pun. Seriously. >> Yeah. Have a pun. >> 3 2 1 >> 11,000. >> 19,01. >> We got 20,000. >> [ __ ] I've lost. >> As of 2026, there are registered 91,053. No win. No win. >> 91,000 >> registered. >> Yeah. So they're not working >> doesn't matter. They're [ __ ] registered. >> Strike your >> struck you. You got out of it. >> I know. Zero. >> Oh, that's good. >> Absolutely. >> Well done. >> Thanks, man. >> Oh, this is [ __ ] This is shitman. >> Yeah. >> Oh, I hate this. >> I see you are a fool once again. [laughter] >> I'm sorry. >> All stupidity will cost you. >> I'm sorry. house. >> Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm so sorry. >> Do not touch my hair. >> Okay. I'm sorry. Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. >> I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. [laughter] I'm really sorry. >> Your nervous system will be hijacked shortly. It's >> under my control. >> I'm scared. I'm scared. One. >> That was a good one. Ben snap. >> Oh man. Same spot three times. [laughter] Same spot three time >> man. Angel >> is the segment over. >> Yeah. >> So that's it. >> Yeah. So Michael gets to choose the topic for next time. Yes. >> What are you going to choose? Let's say now. >> Do we tell them the topic or do you just whisper it to him? >> Confirming it's over. There's no more to do. >> Yeah, that's it. Then I have a confession to make. [laughter] >> 55,000 was no guess, boys. [laughter] >> I looked over at our producer over there, Joshua, and he did ME A FAVOR. >> YOU'RE FIRED, JOSH. [laughter] >> But I couldn't help it. I literally looked over, roll the footage, John, and you can see me. I just look at him, and he just he just I think he just took pity on me because you guys are both bloody tennis experts. That's [ __ ] >> confirming that the round is over. All is fine now. All is square in love and war, right? >> Oh, yeah. But Josh, [laughter] you get hit. >> You cheater. So, I had to say, >> all right, look, we're going to have a very quick Carver and bong break and we'll be right back with Tinders, a prank call, and then finishing off >> with a javelin competition between Matthew and Michael. Wow. Banger, banger, banger. >> To break the tie between them. >> What the [ __ ] is that? >> That's a bruise from from I think the belt the belt from that video. >> Matt's lying. He's doing heroin. Matt is now doing heroin. >> Doing heroin. It's getting pretty depressing. >> You could rainbow it up. Hey, All right, we're back. [laughter] Um, I have a theory before we move on to Tinders. Um, >> I'll explain why we're talking about this. I just showed my bruises to the boys. >> Okay, I can't see it properly. Get up. >> Sorry, >> the shadow from the mic. It's annoying me. >> You've annoyed him. I can see in his eyes. I hate that. He doesn't move his head. His eyes just move around when he's annoyed. His eyes just move and his head stays still. He's doing that right now. Anyway, um Matt is covered in bruises and we've all been doing the same content. And I remember when we were junkies and like living in that in squalor at live streams, we would be covered in universes everywhere constantly. There's video like I have photos of it. >> Yeah. >> And I've now we bruise far less easily. So, I've always wondered like what are the long-term effects of what we do to ourselves? Constantly hurting ourselves. And I think we're training our body to heal faster. We are slowly becoming Wolverine. No one's ever done this. >> Chameleons, >> they change. >> No one's ever done this experiment where they're constantly hurting themselves. >> Houston's had a fair chunk, but yeah, look, it's very limited. So Matt is new to the scene and he is you are rainbow >> and a and a I think that the pain your nervous system becomes less sensitive like you genuinely become your pain tolerance increases and b we bruise less our body's just like don't worry about it don't send as much inflammation >> the first squash ball to my gut on the first sports like I had a cocoon of just bruising all over my stomach >> so intense >> and then like now it's just like a scar >> and do you remember how much pain you were You were in it. You You couldn't stop moving for [laughter] 30 seconds. It was funnest I've ever seen. That was one of the hardest I've ever laughed. You could see how much pain he was in. [laughter] >> Respect to Connor for keeping the camera on you cuz that would have been rough. He was filming, right? >> Yeah. And then look, like if you look at Brown's, we'll get some close-ups of it cuz Brown didn't show it properly before and I don't know why. >> Oh, actually did show it before the car break. His eyes flashed a bit then rage >> and um he he he he gets like beautiful galaxies. It's hard to get a galaxy unless we get proper deep bruising. But you'll get just surface level hits like a belt. This is from a belt on his arm and beautiful yellow spreads. Pretty >> it's two different things. One's from the pet something from the pet shop. I don't remember what. And then um and then the belt also hit the same spot. >> Yeah, there was a picture on old Instagram like my leg was in it. It was just like galaxy, galaxy, galaxy, galaxy. >> Dude, I remember there was one time we're on a bender and we were with a dude that we're going to go into business with. I won't tell regarding what and he was just sort of on the sesh with us and I remember like I was looking at myself in the mirror and I was so skinny and I had all these bruises from a live stream we did and he looked at me he's like, "Man, you look like you're going to die." [laughter] And he, this is coming from a guy who isn't the most like, you know, healthy dude himself. And he's like, "Dude, you look like you're going to die soon." >> Cuz it looked like we had H well I specifically cuz I was so skinny. I had HIV >> skin and bones. And we never shave never groomed our beards or anything because we couldn't afford razors and and it was just like Yeah, we were a mess. My theory was if I just grew my beard for as long as possible and made myself look as ugly as possible, when I do shave my beard, everyone's going to be like, "Wow, he looks so much better." [laughter] But like, I still look just scrawny and skinny and Oh, yeah. It was Yeah, dark times. But hey, you got to go through the dark to get to the light. And now we're in the light. And then we'll go back to the dark and then it gets even darker >> cuz we're going to die soon. Remember, halfway past. If you are 35 or over, you are dead. All right, Tinder's time for Tinder. [laughter] >> Do you have anything else to say? >> No, sorry. Oh, >> um, but I was going to say they talk the somebody at the engagement party was telling us about how, you know, you know, monks or or like or like uh MMA fighters would kick hard things to make their legs like more susceptible, >> like their wives. >> Yeah. Like to make them more stronger. I wonder if that's like the same thing. >> Exactly. Exactly. Right. you we've conditioned our bodies >> and same with Houston like his legs nothing hurts those [ __ ] things. >> The only other people that or things that can condition their bodies are air conditioners >> and Chris Cus the other guy we filmed with he does only to his legs and feet like insane. He just there was no pain there. >> He was kicking that bowling ball full swing kicks >> like shooting his feet with paintball guns shooting his toes. >> I flicked one up. flicked the the bowling ball with Lego pieces up and he puts his shin out and blocks it and you hear this >> like Yeah. bat hitting a ball and he's just like a little ah and then back to the ball just have to get a goal. >> I've still got a lump on my shin from the horseshoe. >> Yeah, I've still [clears throat] got mass scarring and dentage. >> You have a lump? I have a lump like a permanent lump. >> Oh no, no, my feet were okay there. I had to shoot >> my shin. >> Yeah, that was my fault. >> Touch that. Touch that. >> Oh, you're bleeding, Marty. >> Yeah, that was from the ruler. There's one video of that guy that I really wanted to ask him about, but I never did. Have you seen the one where he like has a a barbell with two weights on each side and he jumps onto a trampoline with it, loses grip of it, and it flies up in the air as it's falling. It turns sideways and it's just about to literally land on his face and the video cuts out. >> I think I've seen that. Yeah. >> I don't know if that's because it was too gruesome for YouTube or because it was just like more entertaining like that, but I really want to know what happened there. >> Yeah. Chris is the kind of guy that if like a nuke went off like you know Hiroshima if he was in Japan or Japanese or something like that >> he'd be sweet. >> He Yeah, he he would been like a cockroach that came out or he would have been human and then come back as a cockroach and then decided to go back to human. >> The cockroach part of that could be offensive, but the rest of it was really >> No, no, he's just he he can't die. I'm basically saying so it's a compliment. He's like a like a gypsy. >> Okay. >> Or a wizard or some [ __ ] >> That's better. Go to the last one. >> Wizard. >> So well done, Chris. You are one of a kind and you're very impressive. >> All right, let's see if Marty's got Brown a girlfriend for this week. >> I think I do. I think I do. >> Oh my god, it's exciting. >> Do you [snorts] want to hit the jingle? >> I love personally. I just love me, too. It'd be lovely to get rid of this. >> Sadon apps, maybe sex if we're staffed. Only cows can be >> [laughter] >> And these are the Tinder Tinder adventures of Matthew Gregory Brown. [sighs and gasps] >> It's not me. >> It's got your name on it. >> Who's me again, buddy? Is that a new girl? >> Anyway, um, so now I only had a week to do these, so I should really just stop making excuses, but anyway, here we go. >> Oh, [clears throat] should I tell my cringe thing that it happened? Yes. >> Oh, yeah. Oh, so I sometime I every now and then I scan through the Tinder thing just to make sure nobody's matching that I know. >> Oh no. >> And um sister >> a girl from my No, [snorts] my girl from my high school matched with me >> and sent a message saying like PBC question mark. >> What's PBC mean? >> That's my high school. >> And I was and I was panic. I was like panicking. So I started writing out this long message explaining everything that we're doing. and and um and I was I was in so much panic and then I just said I couldn't be bothered trying to she because she's gonna write back and I was like [ __ ] I'll just unmatched her and I've just felt guilty ever since >> she your girlfriend [laughter] >> that's what you got James was kind of in and out that whole time [laughter] >> but it's just that cringe thought that someone from school >> your girlfriend [laughter] >> yeah that is rough Well, I reckon look, would you like >> You didn't have any girls at your school, so they >> I don't know. It's like it's weird to explain, but >> with a couple of BS, though. >> All right, here [clears throat] we go. >> Matt starts the conversation. So, some of these are a little bit short just to manage your expectations. [sighs] >> I'm extremely proud of what I've achieved >> in life, >> just in general. I'm the first one in my family to go to TA and get a real education. And now I own my car outright and have a trip to Adelaide booked for the end of next week. What's the best thing you've ever done? [laughter] >> She unmatched that, >> dude. >> Did you go to >> I did I did uh some photography stuff at tape. Yeah. [snorts] >> And you own your car outright. >> Yeah. >> Have you been to Adelaide? >> I have. >> Dude, he channeled. >> Yeah. Well, he worked from [laughter] what he he worked from what he knew. Best >> thing Matt's ever done. That's the rough part. [laughter] Imagine someone opening a Tinder conversation trying to say how successful they are and those are their those are [laughter] their parameters for success. >> I'm a bit upset that she unmatched. What a [ __ ] >> It's very caught my first Adelaide trip. [laughter] >> It's like a $300 flight. >> It's a big [laughter] extravagant trip. >> It's 360. It's 36. >> All right. So, Matt starts a conversation. This it was actually I think the beginning of this I read in a previous uh Tinder adventures. But anyway, Matt [clears throat] starts [snorts] a little gas bubble escapes my control. It parts my cheeks as it escapes and there's a little pop at the end. Have you ever experienced this? >> Does that actually get conversations going? Yeah. >> You replied, didn't you? Hi, I'm Matt Brown. Tell me about yourself, my queen. Lol. Fair. Cheeky grin. What's your bra size? 14E. What's your turtle's name? So, just for context, Matt says he owns a turtle in his bio on Tinder. >> What you do? >> 14E. If I can be honest, I'm absolutely blown away by your large breasts. [laughter] They are the most wonderful breasts I've seen. >> Turtle is called Turtle [laughter] is called Don't judge. I named him when I was 16 and yes, I regret it. I'm not looking for a one night stand. The turtle name is funny. My total is Raph. Oh, no. You misunderstand. I don't want a one night stand. I just want to see your breasts. That's it. [laughter] Very innocent. Oh, what? You have a total, too? How old is 25 years old now? What kind is yours? Okay, then. Raph is only six. He's a Mlay. [laughter] >> That's good, dude. That's good. Can I rest my on his shell? [laughter] >> I do it to And he tries to bite me. >> Ongoing conversation. >> Unbelievable. >> She just says, "Oh, okay." to you wanting to see Oh, the breasts. >> Yeah, I think she's tried to get away from that one. >> Unless it was okay and she sent an image. No, Mark. [snorts] >> No, you can't send that would straight up be like, "No, crazy like unmatch." But like she entertains it. >> Pickings are slim these days. >> Yeah. Wow. age. >> All right. So, Matt starts a conversation. >> It's not me. >> You like live shows? I do. Do you? >> I am a live show. I stand from my seat, revealing that I'm not wearing pants or underwear and start crumping. My junk slaps hard against my stomach and ass as my crumping speeds up. Unmatched. >> Damn, she lost out there. That could have got so good. >> Yeah, >> it's heavy. It's a heavy opener. Matt, I love this that smile of yours. What's been the best part of the weekend? You can have it if you want. Best part would be breaking a personal best of mine. What about you? Oh, a personal best in what? Yes, please. I'll keep that smile. It was my sister's birthday, so we've done a fair bit for that. Dinner last night, lunch today. Long jump. I do athletics on the weekends for fun. I got around 3 m. Oh, cool. [laughter] How old is your sis? What did you get her? Crayons. You're close with your family, aren't you? >> Oh, that's cool. Well done. [laughter] >> Like a kid. >> My sister turned 33. I mean, she does art, so we probably would have loved some crayons. And yeah, I'm close with my family. Even extended family, we're pretty close. I'm very lucky, I would say. Are you close with yours? >> Yeah, thanks. I'm training for hurdles PB this weekend. You should come and watch me if you're free. I build my own hurdles out of bones. [laughter] >> That's cool. You're close with your family. My family is a bit just disjointed, so it's hard. But I love my mommy and daddy. They aren't together anymore, and they fight. My brother is a convicted criminal for armed robbery, and my sisters are all gay and have shaved heads. So, it's a colorful family, but I try my best to keep us together. [laughter] >> What day is athletics normally? I could come AND WATCH ONE WEEKEND. >> SHE'S SO NICE, DUDE. >> YEAH, that's fair. Families are hard. My parents are separated, hence multiple birthday functions. There's also a middle sister between us, too, who lives in Sydney, and that's a whole different story. I've got more than my fair share of family craziness. I usually do my athletics in my backyard on Saturdays on my own. I used to set up my teddy bears to watch, but my neighbor saw me once and it got really weird about it. Would be so nice to have a real person watch. Yeah, families are so weird. My gay sisters have lost most of their teeth from kissing too hard. [laughter] >> That's an ongoing conversation. I honestly think she is the girl for you. >> She is perfect. >> Nothing fa Nothing phases her. >> Is she tiny and blonde with fake tits? >> Um >> that's not my type. >> You liar much. >> She [laughter] sounds like her p if her looks match her personality. She is like David Gogggins. >> That's right. >> Shut up. >> She is. >> That makes no sense. >> Well, that's what I'm feeling. Oh man, I wish this conversation had a bit more time to develop. It was It's ongoing. I've only added No, I'm just going to leave that. [laughter] >> That came from that. >> What was that? >> Deep. I just released the burp. I don't let the tension in my throat interrupt the gold. >> The bottom of a washing machine doing one last [laughter] spin. >> It's cuz all the air has come down here and then I'm able to just open all of my tubes. So, you hear my stomach. >> That's very good. Dude, it's a bless. >> Yeah, that's incredible. >> It's taken a lot of work. >> You've been practicing that. >> Oh, man. That chick honestly is the girl for you. Like, she was perfect. >> The bit where you just said breast was [laughter] very >> I liked that. >> But she ignored all of that and said, "When's athletics day?" >> Yeah, DJ. >> No, she was a sweetie. I like her, dude. We should get her here to watch one of the athletic competitions. I just thought by by by the way I would kick your ass in long jump. I just realized that. >> You know, one thing I've really noticed within Tinder, Brown gets so many compliments on the grin, doesn't he? He's got great smile. >> Great smile. He knows it. >> I used to. >> Okay. I used to. >> We were talking about this. I don't know who it was, but >> smile doesn't change. >> Yeah, I know it doesn't change, but like the skin around it does. And I feel like I feel like it's not as strong as it used to be. >> I just think you do it less. >> Yeah, I have been doing [laughter] I've been doing it less because of that. But um you you should win in long jump. You weigh less than me. >> Is that technically that? >> Oh, yeah. Michael would smoke you in long. >> I think Yeah. You think of long jumpers, they are usually on the lankier side. >> James would win out of all four of us. I'd probably get second. >> Would you Could you beat me? >> I don't think so. No. I've lost a lot of my athleticness. All right. So, [clears throat] >> all right. I can't remember if I read this one last week, but anyway. Hey, Matt. How's your Friday going? Lame as dumb job and stupid co-workers always asking me stupid questions and distracting me from solitire. Traffic pisses me off. Stupid. Good holidays. How are you? >> What a morning then. I'm all right. Had to go bin diving though, so that was fun. What's the work you do that distracts you from solitire? >> I do plugs. Plumbers order plugs and I have to mail them the plugs. Dumb, stupid plumbers always complain when it takes so long, but it's just plugs. Who dumb cares? [ __ ] [laughter] This Why you going through bins? Have you spent your monthly wage already? [laughter] Interesting way to describe your job. I like it. I had to go through printed toner bins to get them ready for recycling. People don't like to read the instructions to not put rubbish in there, but that's not my whole job, by the way. >> I don't even like plugs. It's just an easy job. I don't want to be in the sun. My dumb idiot skin sizzles and bleeds. Stupid shade is always too bold. You got kids? Unmatched, [laughter] >> dude. She But that's what I mean. She tolerated too much. She did. >> Like, it should have been straight up nut. This guy's so negative. I don't want that in my life. But she gave it a chance. >> She really tried. She really tried. >> Yeah. But like Yeah. [laughter] >> I I even think she she [snorts] spent about a good amount of time struggling to make the decision to unmatch. That's how much she >> It must be just like or entertain it for a bit. It's a couple messages, but like Yes. So >> it's a waste of time. >> Hates everything. >> I had not read that one. >> No, I don't think so. >> New age. Last one. I again I can't remember if I've read this, so just stop if I have and we'll cut it. [snorts] You going out this weekend or the weekend gone? Hi Matt. This weekend and possibly the 25th? I want to be your date. I'm a bit of a loose unit though. I know how to party. Do you do theater? Yeah, musicals occasionally. You know, Peter Pan. I was Tinkerbell. Got to perform at the entertainment center. Probably my biggest gig. What do you do with yourself? You party? Do you have pictures or evidence of this? I feel I need to see it for it to be true. I do not party at all. Well, I work full-time and I'm a mother to a 2-year-old who I share 50/50. Not on Tinder. I wouldn't have any matches if it had me in my Tinkerbell outfit. It's not very sexy, but I love performing. Oh, true. So, you're not drinking this weekend, then? Can I still be your date if I drink? What? No way. It shows character and that you're fun. I am drinking this weekend. Not next weekend. I used to have a pic of me on stage performing as Tinkerbell, but literally every girl I spoke to asked if I was gay. And yeah, [laughter] I have dudes before, but it was more of a funny joke thing I did with some gay mates. Oh, awesome. I'm keen to have a drink with you. Hey, what's your poison? I'll get you some [laughter] alcohol so you can have it at pre-drinks with your friends. Oh, no. Did they? That's a bit rude. Should just say, "Yeah, I'm by or what of it?" I'll probably pre-drink alone getting ready together. >> Yeah, I thought Yeah, I thought so, too. I'm not even by. I'm fully straight. Guy's just sometimes. I don't think my mates are the only group that does it. It doesn't mean anything. I'm the only one and I'm the only one. So, it's not like I'm sexually aroused by it or anything. Okay, cool. [laughter] I'm I'm start drinking on Friday lunchtime, so I'll be pretty blistered by Saturday night. [laughter] Each to their own, I say. Will you make it to Saturday night? Yeah, exactly. What's a blobby load squeezed in between your cheeks occasionally [laughter] between a few friends? It's all It's all just personal preferences. I will be alive on Saturday night, but to be honest, yeah, I'm going to be pretty ripped up. Unfocused eyes and slurring for sure, but I'll heaps fun and on the piss. Just ask my gay mates. Exactly what I tell myself every Wednesday night. I bleed, Malcolm. Dry, torn my walls, stabilize my hormones. [laughter] >> Unmatched. >> You really had to work for that one. slowly went like [laughter] I'm not gay but I [ __ ] eyes to then like just no no like I I [ __ ] eyes regularly [laughter] and now I I bleed >> cuz I get [ __ ] so hard. >> Did you call him Malcolm? >> Yeah, I called him Malcolm. That's [laughter] what I was like you wanted to be a guy. [laughter] >> There was so many so much like cryptic [ __ ] there, dude. Oh, you're a poet. You are a poet. It's >> amazing she lasted that long. >> A modernday poet, dude. That is honestly that's beautiful. >> Anyway, mate, you meet up with her on Saturday. [laughter] >> The most common question anyone ever says is where does that come from? >> Yeah, I don't know. >> That's what everyone asks you when it comes to >> the story about Marty because obviously, you know, we're revealing that he does do the writing here. >> If you don't know that, >> but it's like I'm I'm being >> channeling Matt. But like when he used to sleep over or live at my house when we were in high school, he'd not be able to sleep. So I'd go to bed at say like 1:00 a.m. 2:00 a.m. stay up. >> He would just sit up on my desk watching me sleep and write stories, pages of it and leave the story out and then my mom would come and clean my room cuz I never cleaned my room. >> All right. And then basically it would be a story about so dark and like there was bears sexually harassing humans that I can't remember but mom would read them and be like did Marty like write that whole like you know 10page story. I was like oh probably yeah he does that cuz he can't sleep. She like it was disturbing but it was so well written like it was so creative and that's coming from you know an adult when we were in like year 10. >> Yeah. Yeah. Wish we had that story. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Right. >> Anyway, >> your mom might have it. >> Yeah. Oh, no. [laughter] She's keeps it >> with the fire. >> All right, that's Tinders. Let's uh let's rip into a prank haul. But first, we're going to need a quick bong. >> That's [clears throat] right. Quick wee wee. >> Especially Matt. All right, welcome back. Well, before we do the prank called Jingle, watch me piss on Matt's leg. >> No. >> How was that, Matt? >> Was a lot more dramatic. >> Did you like it? >> Yeah. >> Did you? >> Yeah. I like my No. No. >> All right, prank call time now. Some prank calls are for entertainment. This one is we want to help Matt. Okay. It's become quite clear that there are a lot of areas there are some gaps in knowledge. Just blank blank blank blank >> me >> and I'm a bit worried. So I'm going to call this tutor and I'm going to explain the situation and see if maybe they can call us next podcast and just give Matt some general knowledge. me. >> You're going to learn how to be better at just knowing things and understanding how the world works. >> Hello. >> Hey, how are you? >> Good, good. Who's this? >> Uh, so my name is Marty. Um, and I'm calling on behalf of one of my uh friends who's interested in getting some tutoring. Um, >> yeah, sure. >> Yeah. He's uh he So I I just thought I'd call ahead just because I've called a few tutors and they've >> declined this particular job. He is a uh 40year-old man. Um and so he's recently got a job. Um and I think he just there are just some huge gaps in his general knowledge just on uh you know all areas really. Um and it's really affecting his confidence. Um, so I've kind of suggested to get a tutor. He tried one place and they said, "No, we only do children." And they kind of had a bit of a go at him. U made him feel really bad about being >> an adult and needing a tutor. But, you know, I said not to give up. And he's just in this depressed spiral. Uh, and I just really would like, >> you know, and I'm happy to pay for the first session just just to get his general knowledge up because, you know, he he just doesn't know. um >> you know spelling maths all the basic stuff and you know and every now and then he just gets exposed as having you know no knowledge about these things and it's just really affecting him >> and he's single. >> Yeah, fair enough. You can ask what kind of work did he get? What kind of job? >> He he's recently gotten a uh a job for a for a media company. Um, and that's kind of where the problem is because they do uh like trivia content sometimes and he just that's that's why this has all happened because he just has no idea what anyone's talking about. like they'll ask, you know, oh, when was, you know, World War II, for example, and he'll just be blank and go really red in the face and just kind of stumble and stutter and and get really awkward and and walk around backwards and put his hands up trying to like distract from the fact that he doesn't understand that words that anyone are saying. He just doesn't understand words. >> Yeah. Can I ask what's his highest level of education? So, he finished high school, but I have a feeling that >> yeah, it was, you know, it was I don't know, he kind of flooked his way through it because >> and and and maybe I'm not suggesting anything, but there could have been some um bribery or something going on cuz his father's quite rich. >> Oh. Oh, okay. Do you think he like he just he got the HC without actually being u like confident or like he wasn't actually competent enough to actually pass? >> I I I think so. I think that if he went back to high school now he would fail. >> Yeah. >> I'm happy to help him. So like is he like one of your mates? Is he one of your friends or >> Yeah. He's a friend and now coworker. Um, I actually got him this job and I vouched for him and my boss is my boss keeps pulling me aside saying what like is he okay asking me if he's got you know mental illnesses and and mental disabilities and I can't keep you know I've I've gotten in this job so now it's my reputation on the line >> you know so I I need a a tutor >> yeah to to help just and just just I don't know just like the basics. I think I just want him at a year six level education. He keeps wanking in his lunch hours. >> Yeah, that can cause obviously a problem for him and for you as well. So, what about you guys? Yeah. Like, uh where does he live? >> So, he lives in Campbell Town. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. And and that's where the office is as well. Um, and he lives in this really beat up little >> like apartment onebedroom [ __ ] and he's just obsessed with sex. >> He's just has weird obsessions. Like he's obsessed with sex and sex jokes. Uh, and he keeps wanking in his lunch hours. >> Yeah. And so I don't know. So to be honest, he might have some just have an open mind when you come. He has he could very well have some mental problems. And I'm only just discovering this now because I never would have I never would have vouched for him and suggested him for this position if I'd have known how >> Yeah. the gaps >> he's basically >> Yeah. But how you how he's going to survive? >> Exactly. And that's why I'm reaching out. >> So, he didn't know anything about this when you vouched for him for the job. >> No, he did. But I I think he's just kind of winging his way through life and and and just kind of said yes and then just made the rest up, but is is really getting exposed now. And he's really great at hiding it. Like he he's even pretended to be deaf. He's bought a hearing aid. I know he's not deaf, but he wears a hearing aid now. So when someone asks him a question, he doesn't understand. He just pretends that he can't hear them. But the thing is if he's got a mental health like there is no way this doesn't need a tutor. I just need like you know someone. >> Well that's kind of why I just want you to come and analyze him and I just want you to see want like just a half an hour test him a little bit and then if he's got some mental let me know and and we'll go from there. But I I just I need to know if he's just extremely unintelligent or if he's actually and obsessed with sex cuz like that's that's that's a different uh do you know what I mean? Like obviously you need to actually u you need to actually diagnose this first and then determine if you need a tutor or maybe like a professional uh someone like you know mental health worker you know what I mean or a doctor. Yeah, I've >> you known him for how long have you known him? >> I've known him for 20 years. That's the thing. >> Well, you know, there's always been inklings, but you know, you your friends do dumb and you just you just write it off as, you know, they're just funny guys, but um it's Yeah. And the thing is he won't go and get diagnosed because he's carries a lot of shame. So, but he has agreed to a tutor. So, I thought maybe if you can step in and just give him a half hour tutorial and if you deem him to be mentally, then we can go from there. And um you know, so I'm I'm just asking for a a half an hour, see where he's at, and then just let me know if he's fully >> So, is he aware that you ringing someone? Is he aware? >> Yeah, he know. He knows that. But apart from like he's when you say he's aware, he's vacant behind the eyes. He barely knows where he is sometimes. It's disgusting. >> Cuz I'll be honest with you, if I see him has to be in a public place >> Well, he'd be open for a a phone call as well. >> Oh, okay. A phone call. Okay. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Open. But how you going to like how I'm going to actually tutor him on the phone? Do you know what I mean? Oh, so you need to be in person to tutor him. You can't just >> No, no, we can like we can do a Zoom. Does he have like a Zoom or That's another option. >> Yeah, we we can do a Zoom. Um he pref he said, "Can we just do a phone call?" I think again he carries a great deal of shame and heaviness in his forehead, drooping face muscles, uh vacant eyes, one eye moves independently sort of stuff. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We can start with phone at least we can have some general discussion on just where he he's at. Just like a general assessment. >> Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Just some kind of assessment and then we can go from there. >> Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Happy to help. >> So, what's his name? >> His name is Matthew Gregory Brown. >> Matthew Gregory Brown. Okay. Matthew. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he's going to pay for this or you going to pay for it for yourself? I I will pay for this if we could. If you just not mention payment to him, I will pay for it. Just >> just he cuz I've told him there's free tutoring available and I just don't want any kind of payment to put him off. >> A that's nice of you. Very nice of you. So I didn't catch your name. What's your name? >> My name is John Farum. >> John, that's nice of you to help your friend. That's very nice of you. >> Oh, well my job's on the line, so it's not really as selfish as you think. I'm highly embarrassed at how I vouched for him over all of these super qualified people and now he walks around the office dragging his knuckles on the ground with his jaw and mouth wide open and his eyes rolling in the back of his head. It's just quite awkward >> and he didn't pick this up in the interview. It's very strange. >> He's very good at hiding it. >> All right, that's fine. We can uh but now normally I charge for the first station $100. So are you okay to pay for this or >> that's that's completely okay mate. And how do you feel about two Monday's time? >> Yeah, sure. Like two Monday like what do you mean Monday coming? >> No, sorry. The Monday after. So it would be the third of August. >> 3rd of August. Yeah, that should be okay. Monday actually works better for me because that's the only time I'm available Monday. But it will have to be around 6:00. >> Ah, okay. Could you do You can't do You can't do any earlier in the day. Say around this time. >> Uh, maybe we can do uh 1:00 if that's okay. Yeah, it should be around 1:00. >> Yeah. Yeah, 1:00 would be perfect. >> Yeah. Yeah. 1:00 should be okay. >> That's perfect. >> So, I'm going to have a Yeah. just general assessment and see where he is and just see his mental >> basic mental uh capacity. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. That sounds good. >> All right. >> Okay. So, let's say the third um and we'll we'll reach out on uh can you just message me maybe um your phone number or something on Gumree and I will text you. >> But you just rang me. You ring me my my phone number. >> Yeah. Yeah. But what? You'll need his phone number, right? I can give it to you now if you want. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just send it to me as SMS. >> Okay. All right. Great. I'll I'll text you his number and then you call him at 1:00 on the 3rd of August. >> Yes. Yes. Yes. But the payment has to be in advance if that's okay with you. >> Yeah, that's fine. Just text me through your bank details and I'll get that sorted. >> Yeah, it's my phone number. No bank details. Just uh pay ID. >> Perfect. That's perfect. I'll get that paid today. >> Okay. And we look after him. Don't worry for Matthew and hopefully we can assist him. >> Hopefully we can assist him. >> We'll just get him diagnosed. You know, if we can get him diagnosed with something and I feel like if he his tutor is telling him that there's something deeply wrong with his brain stem, he'll be more likely to get a diagnosis. >> Yeah, we'll see. We'll take it one step at a time. Uh but what what kind of work did you guys say? Like media like like when you see media, what you guys advertising and stuff like that? >> Yeah, kind of. Yeah. So, we're just in the content creation uh space. So, we you know, he finds brand deals for uh content creators and um just does kind of administrative jobs. Uh >> job. Yeah. >> Yeah. Yeah. So, he's he's the his title is the community manager. >> Um but yeah, he's he's really kind of >> just And what kind of work you do before? What kind of working did he do before that? >> I think he was just Uber driving mostly and selling weed. >> And how long has he been doing that work now since he get him got him that job? How long has it been? >> About three months, I think. Yeah, >> three months since time now to actually get himself together. >> Well, he's falling apart. Now he's falling apart. The first few weeks were >> bearable, but he's he's he's falling apart. All right. Hopefully we can see what we can do to assist him in any way. >> I appreciate anyway talking. Happy to help. So just Yeah, I'll p it for the 3rd of August at 1 p.m. >> Perfect. >> And get him. Yeah, we ring him at 1:00 and we take it from there. >> Thank you so much. I really appreciate everything. >> That's okay. That's all right. Just let me know when the payment is done. So this way I can take it on my my thing. >> Okay. Perfect. That's perfect. >> Good, man. All the best, John. Hopefully it goes well for you. >> Thank you, mate. appreciate everything. >> That's okay. All the best. Thank you. Bye. >> Bye. >> Matt, can you please >> conversation? >> Can you please do this? Sit in for a half hour call and act like you're just sort of like >> imagine if before this Matt either had >> some weed or had done some drinking. >> Dude. Dude, imagine the guy that calls Greg Smith doing tutoring would be the best thing we've ever done. >> Are you open to this? Like, >> how about a six beers? >> Oh, six beers an hour before >> or weed? What would you prefer? >> Beers. He won't do weed. >> It's hard to do weed. I'm scared now. >> Well, I could give you I could give you a vape. Less harsh. >> We should vape it. [snorts] Yeah. >> Oh, would you do this? >> I'll think about it. >> This Now, this isn't real, Matt. We're just This is creating. [laughter] >> Yeah. So, 30 minutes and we'll just cut it down for the audience. >> Oh, man. I'll think about it. Hammered Brown doing that would be the one of the best things I've ever seen. It's just your health that I'm worried about. I'd prefer you to do weed because I think that would still make that very difficult. >> You'll think about it. >> Or 10 Valiants. >> Do you want to be unmuted, Michael? >> Shall we javelin? >> Oh, yeah. Let's javelin, boys. All right, guys. >> I think it's time to javelin. >> It's time for the finale. It's the tiebreaker. Matt vers in javelin. Let's do this. >> No, >> Matt will be going first cuz he won last week somehow. >> Three throws each. Whoever's the furthest wins. >> Good luck. >> Kidding. Come here. >> Come down now. Fun fact about javelin. It must stick in the ground for it to be operated. >> Don't Don't touch me. >> I hit your elbow with my palm. >> Like that. >> Yeah. >> All right. I've just got to get it in one. >> Yeah. He has an instinct. >> Wow. Michael, I'm impressed. >> Didn't stick in. >> [ __ ] Dude, that was an impressive throw. Well done. >> Nearly on the bounce. >> I've just got to stick it in. That's all I've got to do. >> Heads up. >> Catch it. >> He nails this. Got it. >> It's all I got to do. It's not the furthest throw, but it'll win the match. >> Matt, I will have you know your distance has been further than that. >> Yeah, but I can't do I can't >> can't is not the word. >> Yeah, but I'm I'm saying I threw my I know the limits. >> Oh, hang on. >> So close, Matt. Pretty sure you got to stick it on. >> So I'm arguing that that is not in the ground. >> Question, >> but there >> a throat. Yes, a throat can still even a piece of grass or dirt sitting on it lands. >> Yeah, I thought it just had to end like start with the >> the tail hits first. >> Oh yeah. [ __ ] As long as you got to stick it on the floor. >> No, you don't. It's like any wherever the start of the javelin hits the ground. >> So what? This is technically in even though it's not. It's just gone under some [ __ ] dumb route. >> Holy [ __ ] That counts. >> Matt's in the lead. >> Matt's winning. >> That's [ __ ] You didn't even You thought you'd lost. >> You wanted to go inside and play with your hand balls. >> Oh [ __ ] I have to go height, but I got to get distance. All right, believe >> Oh my god, >> that's clutch. >> Yes. Caught clutch 21. >> Two meters, my friend. Not just two, a few. Two rhymes with three. Four. A few. About 4 m lead. >> Wow. >> It's actually a quad. >> Wow. >> I'm better at that. >> Okay, there you have it. Michael wins in a clutch performance, bringing it to 32. Closer than what we all thought. So, >> yeah. Look, I couldn't stick it in, but then I figured out I also remember Matt saying that that oh Michael saying that there is nothing athletic wise that Matt could beat him in. So there's there's a Brown win element to this as well. >> What how did he wear down? Yeah. >> Huh? >> How did he win? >> No, not today. But overall he won two events. >> Wrestling is not athletics. >> Well, is shotput athletics, my friend? >> Okay. Shotp put he's got Yeah. Sorry, you stumped me there. >> Still an element of Brown's winning there. >> Brown. Yeah. Look very good. I'm I'm impressed. But like Yeah. throwing coordination like that. I've just got that snap of the elbow. >> Throwing is never a strong suit. I'm gouted. I'm too gouted to throw. >> Soccer. Do you want to play me in soccer? >> How are we playing soccer? >> One v one, dude. A one v one soccer would be great. >> I'd just palm you out of my way. It' be like the wrestling. >> We'll set up a mini soccer field, little footsel field here next week or in for the next podcast. Two weeks. >> We have different soccer mini games cuz I can see that being just a cardio thing in the end. One-on-one soccer would be rough. You can't pass it and have a moment to break. >> That can be that can be one game. >> That's what I said. >> Five games and that's one first person to score a goal in the field. >> It starts in the middle. We run. Bang bang bang bang. >> Maybe. Are we getting too far away from a podcast? >> Well, look, we've gone so far. We've gone to wrestling. We've gone to bloody bounding backwards. It hasn't all been like athletics. We want to do reading and comprehension stuff. >> I didn't want to do reading. I just said I'm a better reader than you. Oh, there's no way you're a better reader than me. >> We have to test that. >> Matt has also said he's very, very good at soccer. I feel like it's worth testing. But tell us in the comments if you guys are you guys interested in seeing that. >> I've never said I'm very good at soccer. I played soccer. >> You said it was the best the [clears throat] best thing that you could do. Run the tape. Josh, it was in number one. >> I feel like I'm really good at soccer. It probably is the best thing I can do. >> Yeah. So, look, we'll do soccer. We will do reading comprehension. and we we'll do whatever you guys comment, but I let me mark my words and my name's not Mark. >> Wait, go on. You beat me in wrestling. Fair. You beat me in shotput, Claire. But you will never beat me in nothing else, brother. Stare. >> What else? >> Look what I'm doing. >> What am I doing? >> What do you got in mind? >> What am I doing? >> You're staring. Who's CLA here? >> Hang Hang on. When am I stopping marking your words? >> Nobody's cla Yeah, you can stop now. Yeah. Yeah. Stop a bit ago. >> All right. So, there you go, guys. We got another competition. We've got Matt's tutor phone call next week where we figure out if he's mentally or if he's a normal person and a bunch of other. So, >> I don't know if that's See you guys in Fortnite. >> He may do it either high or drunk, which would be >> I don't even know if I'll do that yet. >> We'll discuss it off camera. doing it. He's doing it. >> We are the best. We are the Es. >> I love having that power to turn him off. >> S the BB. I'll stop before I get >> J.