Top 9 Thought Leaders In the World Share The Best Advice For Motivating Yourself
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In this episode of Impact Theory, host Jay Shetty interviews thought leader Gabrielle Bernstein to explore strategies for motivating oneself and overcoming personal challenges. Bernstein shares her profound experience with postpartum depression, anxiety, and insomnia, illustrating that shifting one's mindset is a conscious decision rather than just positive thinking. She emphasizes the importance of neurochemistry in mood regulation, noting that even small victories, such as sleeping an extra hour or accepting medication when necessary, can recondition neural pathways. Bernstein argues that acknowledging vulnerability and seeking professional help are spiritual acts that prevent despair, challenging the stigma often associated with mental health issues within self-help communities. The conversation delves into the critical role of community in emotional resilience, contrasting it with the childhood drive to suppress emotions for social acceptance. Bernstein recounts her own history as an outcast who felt compelled to adopt masks and strive for external validation through sports or wealth due to a fear of isolation. She advocates for surrounding oneself with supportive peers like Lisa Nichols and Denise Linn, creating a safe space where one can express vulnerability without judgment. This support system is essential because emotions are generated interpretations rather than fixed impulses; by actively choosing feelings like joy and connection over despair, individuals can generate the vibrancy they seek in their lives. Bernstein also addresses how to navigate trauma and find purpose through specific frameworks for creativity and relationships. Drawing on a story about her brother Ryan's tragic suicide from schizophrenia, she highlights the necessity of therapy as a lifeline when family support is insufficient or painful due to shared grief. For creative endeavors like writing, she suggests setting low expectations, such as aiming for just two words per day, which combats performance anxiety and maintains enthusiasm over long-term projects. This approach mirrors IBM's historical strategy of using low quotas to encourage salespeople to exceed targets effortlessly rather than being intimidated by impossible goals. Finally, the discussion focuses on identifying one's passion through a four-part intersection model involving skills, love, world needs, and payment, alongside Gandhi's philosophy that self-discovery occurs in service to others. Bernstein stresses the importance of refining one's "why" daily using Simon Sinek's *Start With Why* to avoid being driven solely by fame or money. She concludes with a powerful insight regarding beliefs: they are hidden scripts we choose every moment and can be changed instantly by adopting a single master belief that everything is figureoutable. By shifting this core perspective, individuals do not need to hunt down every limiting belief but can instead unlock the ability to solve any problem as it arises, ultimately defining success through legacy and impact on others rather than material accumulation.
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Hey everybody, welcome to Impact Theory.
Regardless of what's happening in the
world, I cannot emphasize enough how
important it is to never ever ever ever
stop exercising your mind. Learning is
going to be the thing that pushes you
forward. So, today we're going to
highlight some of the remarkable past
guests that we've had that have been
deemed the new thought leaders by
Success Magazine. And on this special
episode, we are hoping that you guys
will take the information because it
will shape and improve your life if you
let it because these people are the very
people defining what personal
development truly means. So, get ready,
buckle up, have your mind open, and
behold our first guest, the one and only
Gabrielle Bernstein.
One of the things I want [music] to talk
about, and this is one of my favorite
ideas that you have is the notion that
between you and feeling better is a
decision to stop feeling bad.
Ding ding. Which gets into
neurochemistry for me and like the
ability for us to consciously shift our
moods.
Yeah. How does one do that? Well, first
let's address the viewer listener out
there that's like
well, I'm depressed or I'm broke or I'm
chronically ill. How can I decide to
stop feeling bad, right? Let's just be
real with that one. And uh
I want to give an example of what that
meant for me in my own life. And so, uh
recently, about 5 months ago, I just uh
was diagnosed with postpartum
depression, anxiety, and insomnia.
Now, having authored seven self-help
books and having to to really fall to my
knees and realize that there was
something really happening here. And the
reason I was able to find the right
resources and doctors and and even
medication that I needed to to live, to
survive, to not, you know, not do
difficult things to myself, was uh
because of this method, because of this
belief system. Even in my darkest
moment, even in the deep depression, I
was able to say that each day I could
reach into what was a better feeling
experience. So I mean you would think
through what that look like?
I would celebrate the good stuff. I
would say, "Okay, I slept one extra hour
last night." Or thank thank God I have a
husband and child care that can support
me through this period. Or I am opening
up now to the possibility of taking
medication if I have to. So even just
leading leading myself proactively
into a better feeling thought, even if
that better feeling thought was still
kind of low vibe, it was better than
despair, right? And so it is
reconditioning your your brain
functioning, but it's also a spiritual
act because when we have those moments
where we say, "I'd like to see things
differently." That's actually a prayer,
right? And the more often we do it, we
change the neural pathways.
You talk about thoughts taking form. I
find that really interesting and and I'm
uh this is a terrible way to say it, but
I'm glad that you went through something
so profound because I think there's a
lot of legitimacy then that's lent to
that because the So Lisa and I, a a dear
friend of ours, his son just committed
suicide and that [ __ ] is so scary to me
that you sort of believe that that
neurochemistry is going to last forever.
And if you're not taking steps to
get out of that, whether it's going and
seeking professional help, getting
medication,
and certainly spending time to remind
yourself that these things are
ultimately changeable one way or the
other, it it becomes a sense of despair,
like you said.
Yeah, and I think that you're making a
really good point, which is that that I
am glad that this happened to me,
particularly now that I'm feeling much
better, but I can look back and say,
"Okay, that was that was divine work.
That was intended. That was no
accident." Because now I you know, for
I've been speaking for 15 years on
spiritual topics, but I was never fully
I was probably part of the stigma.
You know, I was like I was looking at my
audiences and saying like someone would
be like, "I'm depressed." And and I
wouldn't ever in a million years say,
"Get off your medication." Or like that
was not my style. But I would say things
like, "Well, you know, you need to
deepen your meditation practice." And
there is actually a point where your
meditation practice just doesn't work.
And that was the case for me, you know?
It's like when you're dealing with a
biochemical issue, your tools will no
longer work. And that was exactly what
happened for me. And I love that I can
speak to that with authenticity. And I
love that I can really, really look at
mental illness with so much more
compassion, understanding, and education
than I would have had I not been through
this myself.
And to speak publicly about the fact
that I had to go on medication
right when I was about to launch my
seventh self-help book, you know? And
that it saved my life.
Our peers in the locker room, in the
school, after school activities,
whenever
a peer or other boys are telling you,
"Don't fall down. Don't crawl Don't cry.
Don't show emotion. Don't be a you know,
any type of word we want to use here.
Don't be a little girl. Don't be a a
whatever it may be."
All you want to do is be accepted in
this little community of your peers when
you're growing up. You want to be
accepted.
And if you stand up to the peers, your
group that you're in, and you're like,
"You know what? I'm going to rise above
this, and I am going to show my
emotions, and I am going to cry, or I am
going to
uh not bully the other people like
you're bullying them. I'm not going to
laugh at that kid because that doesn't
feel good."
But when you get outcast for trying to
be a good human being as a 7-year-old,
12-year-old, 15-year-old
from teammates, bandmates, classmates,
whatever.
You don't want to be alone as a kid.
Mhm.
Feeling isolated as a child, for my
mind, is the the scariest thing.
Because that leads to depression, which
leads to
you know, drugs, alcohol, suicides,
prison. You know, I witnessed this
firsthand what it was like feeling
outcast and the thoughts
the conversations I had with with myself
by feeling alone.
Going to the principal's office and
every time going to the principal's
office when I would get in trouble,
I would say, "I wish I were dead."
I was like, "I have no friends. Why am I
even alive? I wish I were dead." I
remember saying this, second grade,
third grade, fourth grade.
So, for me,
it's like, "Okay, I need to put on
something to be accepted by people.
I need to be the biggest, fastest,
strongest so that I'm accepted on a
sports team. I need to be able to get a
girlfriend so that other guys think I'm
cool and they'll hang out with me. I
need to be able to make money so that I
can take people out and pay for their
lunch and dinner.
I need to be able to be driven enough so
that I'm accepted in society. And I
think that's the challenge. It's hard to
feel like I have these like morals and
ideals and I'm going to stand up as a a
7-year-old boy and like, screw the
world, this is who I what I what I am,
what I stand for. I don't care if you
don't want to be my friend, I can do it
on my own. Like, we don't think that way
growing up.
We want to just feel accepted and loved
and just be a part of the class.
And I never really felt that way. And
so, I was driven to be part of my class,
my team.
Uh and um
now, I grew up very loving and
supportive, but I also grew up
driven with these masks to try to be
even more accepted cuz I was afraid to
be alone.
So, how have you learned to
read your emotions, to not just give in
to them, and to have the same kind of um
high degree of, you know,
[snorts]
consciousness around how you shape that
as well?
I
One, revisiting it a lot. But, let's
let's give a framework to what you're
talking about and then we'll drop into
the emotion piece is
I love that you keep saying it's simple.
And for some people they they they don't
think that way. So, it's not simple, so
let's give it a framework. Number one,
what we're really talking about here is
contemplation.
Really thinking through and using the
power of thought of what you want, what
do you want to be like, what are the
skills you want to deliver, what's the
service you want to offer to the world.
Number two, the consistency of action
to not only create that in your own body
and your own mind, but create that start
creating that result in the world.
That's really important. Number three is
courage.
Cuz it takes courage to put yourself out
there and try to get a little better.
Like, it was even just laying in bed
visualizing myself doing something on
stage that was way outside my boundaries
of like comfort. Like, walk across the
stage really fast. Like, walk down in
the audience and give high fives and,
you know, say something strong or, you
know, admit something or share something
vulnerable. Like, that's courage. That's
scary. But, the other thing is I think
that you and I have always had, which
sometimes is undervalued, is we also had
community.
We had other people around You had Lisa.
You know, I had Denise.
We had
people in our industry or our peer set
who we looked up to or who we could
learn from or who we could be like, this
sucks. This is hard.
And for me, coming back to your
emotional element, that has been
everything for me.
Community. Having people in my life who
I can, you know, when I'm on the road
for X amount of time or I'm dealing with
a super hard client, or we're rolling
out a leadership program to a Fortune 50
company, or you know, I'm doing my
first, you know, major deal with Oprah
Winfrey Network, and I don't know what
to do.
I'm so incredibly fast
of asking people what to do.
I'm also incredibly fast in sharing how
I feel about it.
Being like, "Oh, you know, I feel really
awkward about this."
Uh, you know, I'm I'm I'm unsure. You
know, I'm having a lot of self-doubt.
How would you deal with it? Like, I'm
somebody who expresses emotions all the
time. My freaking tagline is bring the
joy. Like, everybody knows that. Why?
Because I want to make sure people know
you're we're going to create this
energy. Cuz
emotion is not something you have, it is
something you generate.
Emotion can be an impulse,
but feelings
is our interpretations of those impulse
over a period of time.
And I said, "I want to feel vibrancy,
joy, love, connection, satisfaction,
fulfillment in my life.
So, I'm going to learn to generate those
emotions." How do you learn to generate
the emotions?
You read psychology. How do you learn to
generate the emotions? You try. Like,
you're just like, "I I'm going to go
we're going to have date night tonight.
I'm going to make it a fun night."
I'm going to make it a fun night. I'm
going to I'm going to do things to see
can I make people laugh. Can I make
people turn their lights on? Um, you
learn to
control your own emotions
and or deal with them in better ways as
you decide to be a more mature person.
One of the chapters [music] in your
book, if I'm not mistaken, it was the
last chapter, is about legacy. Yeah. How
do you think about legacy? I like,
personally, I don't think a lot about
legacy. I think a lot about phases of
our lives. So, I I fully resonate with
what you're saying about walking around
the graveyard, which I would [ __ ]
love to do do someday. That would be
surreal.
Um,
but how do you conceptualize
that?
Do you have markers in your head about
what you're striving towards? Like, how
deep do you go in sort of the like,
we're all headed to the grave? Yeah, I
don't I don't get to the particular
parts of it like, you know, like how my
funeral's going to be set up. That
creeps me out.
[laughter]
So, I don't get that in depth, but I do
think about like the question that I ask
myself and it's come up a lot more to
me, you know, and I I haven't figured
out why.
But, I ask myself, you know, like what
really matters?
And there's a quote by Bob Goff and I'm
probably not going to get this right.
But, he said basically like
his biggest fear was like being
successful at the wrong things.
And the quote is like way more beautiful
than that, but I'm paraphrasing. It's
like, I used to have a fear of not
succeeding,
but my fear now is succeeding at the
wrong things.
And I think about that a lot. Like,
what's really going to matter at end of
my life? And I literally prioritize my
life around that. I heard you say
something once you want to talk about
I'm going to butcher one of your just
insanely eloquent and beautiful quotes,
but you said, uh, you're not a success
unless you're a success to your family.
Yeah. And I thought that was really
interesting something because I don't
have kids I don't spend a lot of time
thinking about, but I do think a lot
about what my wife thinks of me. Like,
that's a a far more powerful motivator
to me. And then you talked about how
basically how do you feel about
yourself? And if you don't feel good
about yourself, then you've got some
fundamental flaw that you need to
address. How do you help people begin to
take stock of where they're at with
themselves? Reality.
So, I have a rehab process and the first
R is reality. It's facing your reality.
Too many people run from it. You know,
my quota is you'll never win your war by
running from your battles. And so, you
got to step up and you got to face it. I
don't care what it is. It might be
something in your past. It might suck to
face it. For me, it was facing that my
dream was over, my identity. So, for
somebody watching this it might be a
relationship, it might be a job, but I
kept running.
And the thing about it, like you can run
all you want, but reality is going to be
right there when you stop and it's going
to chase you. Or even if it doesn't
chase you, it's going to be right there.
You have to face it. So,
I really let people know that
acknowledgement is power. People think
if I acknowledge that I'm hurt or I need
help,
"I need help" is the most powerful thing
that you can say.
And I realized that in my life, because
immediately you have people that are
going to help you and grow your life.
That's crazy. Exposing yourself, like in
a positive way, obviously. But expose
yourself. We think that we always have
to be so sheltered that we have to be so
strong, especially with the social media
world. It's like, "Oh, I have to have
everything together." That's like a
silent depression that's going to
happen. When you suppress things like
that, when you smile for the camera, but
die behind the scenes, which I did so
well for so long in my life, you're
never going to fool the person that you
see in the mirror every single day. So,
I'm got really comfortable with saying,
"I suck at this. I need help." And
literally, in my business life, in my
personal life,
in the last year, it's been the greatest
year of my life, just by asking for help
and exposing my weaknesses in certain
areas.
One of the things that I resonate so
much with your work is your own ability
to get through something, to walk
through trauma, as you talk a lot about,
and to help other people walk through
trauma. One thing I think would be
really powerful, I'd love to hear like
the story about your brother
Mhm. is is extraordinary. I'd love to
hear how you walked through that.
Yeah, uh so my older brother Ryan was
paranoid schizophrenic, uh had severe
depression, um that started uh I don't
have He's 3 years older than me and I
don't have a memory of him being sick
when I was little. He's just my big
brother and um
but as I think about the time that he
started to go through puberty was when
it started to really manifest and my
parents tried everything, like every
therapist, every doctor, uh and um and
it just, for a myriad of reasons, just
didn't work. Um when he was 17 years
old, he shot himself. And I had gone
into his room to ask him to give me a
ride to school that day, and I found
him. And the
that, you know, 14, like that kind of
trauma, I
I for years, I mean, I think the years
after he died, I don't even have a very
clear memory of because it was so much
weight. I had and still do have some
effects, but really severe PTSD from
that, um
terrified of, you know, any loud noise,
um still super sensitive to sound, and
had really bad insomnia as a young
adult, and all of these things that I
didn't understand were the result of
what had happened that day. And, um
it was it was horrible. My my childhood
and family life was never good, but that
decimated everything. I mean, there was
nothing left of our family when that
happened. Um and uh
I
really destroyed
both my parents, and um
have never recovered from that. And
honestly, now that I have children, I I
understand. I don't know how you come
back from that place.
But, I was also the baby of four,
and I was 14, and it did feel very much
like, um
"Aren't I enough of a reason to keep
living?" And I never said that to them,
but I definitely felt that way. Um it's
also why I, you know, graduated high
school a year early from right after he
died. Like, I started taking every class
that I could, and got the credits that I
needed so I could graduate early, and I
moved to LA at 17 to get out of the
house. Um I didn't want to be in that
place anymore. And I think at the time I
had convinced myself that if I could
just get to a different city, I think a
lot of us do this. We think if I could
just move to New York or if I could just
get to LA or if I could if only I could
lose, you know, 50 pounds or if only I
could have this or you you think that
your happiness is dependent on something
outside yourself. And for me, I thought
of I just need to be out of this town.
And then I got to LA and realized like,
oh, that's just geography. Like it
doesn't matter where you go, I'm still
always going to be here. So,
um
I I think for many years I just tried to
survive it, but I will say for all the
ways that my parents struggled,
something I think they did really well
was they made me go to therapy
immediately and they forced me to go
often for years. Um and I there were so
many times that I sat in the therapist's
office and said nothing for an hour,
arms crossed, like screw you, I'm not
going to say anything. But having having
someone in your life, I'm a huge
advocate for therapy. Having someone in
your life that won't cry if you tell a
hard story is really important. If you
are someone who's always sort of
shouldered the weight of things for your
family or kind of been the one that
takes care of everybody else, you don't
share your hardships, you don't share
your struggles because you don't want
anyone else to hurt. And so now I'm
surrounded by all these people who are
hurting and I can't tell them what I
saw. And I can't tell them, you know,
all the things that I'm struggling with,
but a therapist for me was a lifeline.
Because if I told them those things,
they didn't know Ryan. And so it didn't
hurt them to hear and I needed that
desperately.
As you were talking just now, I thought,
God, is his secret power that he doesn't
judge himself? Do you Do you feel like
you judge yourself? I don't. That's a
very very very good observation and it's
what I want for everybody else. We're
beating ourselves up.
Like everybody sucks at something,
right? Like we all have shortcomings and
we all have strengths. And for me, it's
like why don't we just audit that? Like
why don't we just look at it that way
and be like, all right, well, I'm good
at this, but I'm not good at that. Like
And then and then and then I only focus
what I'm good at, right? Like I don't
dwell that I can't fix [ __ ] around the
house. I call somebody to fix it. Like
I'm not like I'm not a man. I don't give
a [ __ ] Like you know, like like you
know, like I don't I don't get it. Like
we all like I also think it's awesome
that I'm so emotionally stable and I'm
the emotional backbone of everybody. Is
that what a dude supposed to do? Like
like these clichés, these stereotypes,
they're so silly. Um you're exactly
right, man. I don't judge myself. I'm
fully in love with myself.
But I'm also fully in love with
everybody else, too, right? It's not
like like it goes both ways. Like I tell
people to buy into me that work for me,
it's cuz I buy into them first.
Like I don't need anybody to gain trust
with me. I've It's there. Like I believe
that the human
race is so grossly underrated. We are
good.
Of course we have some bad. There's
[ __ ] 7 billion of us.
But like when you look at our net score,
it's bonker [ __ ] Like do you know how
much damage we could be doing to each
other on a hourly basis and we don't?
Like we're still here. Like we won.
We're the alpha being and we've figured
out how to stay together. This is insane
when you think about it.
And yet everybody wants to dwell on like
somebody said something mean.
What I love is in that though is your
whole concept of nobody's ever let me
down. Mhm. So this is what I always tell
people about. The things you're ever
going to hear me say will always be
consistent with exactly what I'd say if
you woke me up in the middle of the
night and then punch me in the head. Cuz
it has to be so real. It has to be so
fundamental to who I am as a human being
that I'll give you that answer even if
I'm dazed and confused, right? Just
because that is my [ __ ] North Star.
It's like my true foundation.
And hearing you talk about how no one's
ever let you down, it's like Like like
to me, it's just binary. Like unless
it's complete death blow, death to me
and my 17 people that I give a [ __ ]
about, like everything else is super
secondary. And let me tell you
something, if you actually get into that
mindset, it gets real good. Like
everybody like makes these big deals out
of things that just don't matter. It's
perspective. You know, my selfishness
comes from my selflessness.
Like it's what makes me feel good. I see
it in my mother. My mom is the epicenter
to every single person in her life. Her
sister-in-law, her you know, cousins,
aunts, everybody goes to her. That's her
comfort zone. Me, too. Ask Gary V. Like
Like this is my comfort zone. Like I
like this. Like I hate when people like,
"What can I do for you?" Like I I say
nothing. I don't want anything. I hate
that feeling. I went into my family
business cuz I felt like I owed it to
like pay them back. Those are my
parents. So, if that's what I feel about
them, what do you think I think about
everybody else?
What are some of the most interesting
and useful lessons about creativity
you've pulled from the book?
Uh the first that comes to mind is
setting really low expectations. And
then [laughter] this
And I'll tell That's not what I was
expecting you to say.
Not Well, not what a lot of people
expect. And when I spoke to, say, Paulo
Coelho, who's sold 100 million plus
copies, The Alchemist, etc.
You talk to Rick Rubin. So, let me give
his example first. When he has a
musician who's stuck,
great musician, but
they've developed performance anxiety
about songwriting, for whatever reason.
Uh he will say, "Do you think you could
get me
one sentence or maybe two words that you
like by tomorrow?"
That's it. Two words. Can you do that
for me? And he gives them a micro
assignment. Uh best writing advice that
I probably ever received, and I've I've
received a lot of good writing advice,
but I can get myself really wound up
because I expect perfection to flow from
my fingertips like magic, and that never
happens. So then I beat the hell out of
myself.
And
that makes me less likely to put pen to
paper in the first place. I'll
procrastinate.
Which is why if you write two crappy
pages per day, you've won the day.
That's a successful writing day.
And
that does a few things. It helps you to
maintain enthusiasm because you're
constantly winning. And
of course, on many days you'll write
more than two. You'll get to two, then
you go to five or to 10. But if you're
on an off day, you write two crappy
pages, even if you never use it, it's a
successful day. And that I think for
longer-term projects and and extended
creativity is really important.
[snorts]
But the story that this writer told me
with that tip, he said, "Okay, this is
where this comes from."
Did you know
that IBM, when it was the 800-lb
gorilla, it was an undefeatable
sales force.
Do you know what one of their rules was?
I was like, "No." And he says, "Well,
what do you think their quotas were?"
And I was like, "Well, I'm sure their
quotas were really high cuz they wanted
to motivate their guys to get after it."
He goes, "No, their quotas were the
lowest in the industry." Wow. And the
rationale was, "We don't want our sales
people to be intimidated to pick up the
phone. Mhm. We want them to feel like
they're going to pass their quota
quickly, which they did, and then they
shot well past it and clobbered the
competition. So the the the the the
counterintuitive pairing of low
expectations leading to higher
performance is really odd. Right?
Well, so let's ask the obvious question
then. So as somebody who's had a lot of
employees at the you know, at the height
I had, over a thousand employees,
that feels dangerous.
Yeah. And it feels dangerous, and I
think I have my own answer, but it feels
dangerous because some people,
especially when an organization gets
that big, they're looking for a place to
hide, and you give it to them.
Yeah. So, I I So, the I think that the
the the winning combination
is selectively
selectively low quotas on a daily basis
with high expectations for metrics on,
say, a quarterly or annual basis. So,
you're tracking numbers, you want them
to hit home runs, but it doesn't have to
be one at bat. I think it's also very
context and role specific. But, if we're
talking about creativity
in particular, right? So, not
necessarily work output. The approach
I I There are a number of prolific
writers
who have said
Neil Strauss said this, "There's no such
thing as writer's block," which drives
me crazy cuz I'm like, "Come on. Like,
you might be a mutant like X-Men of
writing, but for the normal humans, come
on. Give me a break." And he goes, "No,
no, no. Hear me out. Number one, he is a
trained journalist, and journalists tend
to have writing block beaten out of them
cuz their boss is like, 'Oh, you can't
find the right prose for your 500-word
article? Oh, get it in by 5:00,
asshole.' You know?
[laughter]
And they're just like, 'Oh, oh, wait,
this isn't school?' And they're like,
'Yeah, deadline. That's That's your
That's your incentive.' Writer's block
my ass. And he's like, 'All right,
okay.' But, he said
And what what they learn is he he said,
"There's no such thing as writer's
block." He said, "What that is is
performance anxiety that you've imposed
on yourself because your expectations
are too high."
There are three questions that you get
asked a lot. What are they?
Ooh, the big one is, "How do I find my
passion?" Okay. And you can tell me the
You can I need you to answer each one of
them?
Yeah. But, if you want to run through
what each of the questions are, and then
we'll go back, or
Sure. Yeah, no, I'll just do them as
they are. Perfect.
So, So, do I find my passion? My simple
model which
is the Dharma model. It also Dharma
means eternal duty in the Vedic
tradition. It's a very similar to what
Ikigai is being spoken about today,
which is a Japanese version of reason
for being. Why do we live? Where is
meaning coming from? And it talks about
an intersect of four areas. What am I
good at? What do I love? What does the
world need? And how do I get paid for
it? To me, those four help you unlock
your passion. When you find the
intersect across all of those four,
you're making your passion your purpose.
You'll unlock your passion, you'll find
your purpose. This is path one. There's
two paths. Path one, I find my skill set
and I engage it to help other people and
become better at it. So, I'm becoming
better at what I'm good at and I'm using
it to help other people. Because I'm
aware of what I'm quite good at and I
know what what knowledge I have, what
skills I have. I have some
self-awareness.
The other path that people often miss is
actually I just start serving people. I
just start helping people and I start to
notice what I enjoy about that and what
I'm good at helping people with. So,
that's Gandhi's path. Gandhi said that
you find yourself when you lose yourself
in the service of others. So, for me
those are the two paths of how do I find
my passion and finding the intersect
between those four areas.
Love that. And the second one is
Jay, my relationships falling apart. I
get asked that all the time. So, the
answer to that is much harder.
It's it's harder to summarize it, but I
always start with self-actualization
that
the problem is we have a list for the
one that we want.
And we don't have a list for what we
need to become. And I don't mean become
to attract, I mean become to just be. To
just get to understand yourself. You
don't know what you need in your life
until you figure out who you are. And
so, I find too many people rush into
relationships without really recognizing
and being fully aware of what they need
from a relationship. So, it all comes
back to how aware are you, how much
understanding do you have of yourself
and what you need and what you want.
That's my best advice for relationship
in like a minute. And and then the third
question I mostly get asked is, "Jay,
what do you read? Like, what are your
favorite books? Because it seems you
read a lot. What are your top three
books?" They're not groundbreaking in
the sense that people may not be like,
"Oh my god, that's the best book I've
ever read."
For me, they changed my life. So, that's
where I'm coming at a point from. I love
Start With Why by Simon Sinek. And not
because I applied it to businesses,
because I applied it to my life. And
even today, I'm constantly refining my
why. That's all I do every day. My
deepest morning routine and practice is
to refine why I do what I do. It's so
easy for me to now do it for money. It's
so easy for me to now do it for
followers. It's so easy for me to now do
it for fame.
And every day I have to refine that.
Because I know, having lived as a monk
and what I practiced, that if those
become what I want, then I'll forget who
I need to be. So, my daily practice and
my daily routine is refining my
intention, which in modern language is
why. So, for me, Simon's book helped me
do that.
The Bhagavad Gita, which I would love to
do for Vedic knowledge what Ryan's done
for stoicism.
And the Bhagavad Gita, over 5,000 years
old. And that book really exemplifies
human challenge. Third book, I'd say,
this one's going to be hard cuz it's the
last one.
Let me think. I'm going to try to throw
something else in there. So, I've done
one like self-development, one more
spiritual enlightenment. Let me throw a
business book in, seeing as I'm sure you
have a lot of business viewers. I love
the book Exponential Organizations. I
don't know if you've read it.
It's by Salim Ismail and the Singularity
University.
And that book for me is an incredible
analysis of the success of all the
organizations we see ruling our phone
today. The way it breaks down their
business models and how they were
created, to me it's fascinating. So, if
anyone really wants to start up a
exponential business today, then that's
where they have to go. And that's when
Peter Diamandis said that if you want to
be a billionaire, redefining it is
someone who impacts the lives of a
billion people.
And and that's what that business book
is really about is how do you create an
exponential organization that positively
impacts a billion people. So, those are
my three for today.
Your book is full of just a ridiculous
litany of amazing quotes, but both from
you and other people, and you had a
quote about this and you said, "Beliefs
are the hidden scripts that run our
lives." And that's one of those if you
could get people to really internalize
the fact that right now, your whole life
is being dictated by the beliefs that
you have.
Yes. How do you help people unwind those
beliefs? How do you help them replace
them with more powerful beliefs? Because
that is like a layer of the operating
system that is so wildly under
appreciated
Yeah. that that's almost always where I
start with people.
Yeah, it has to be. I think for all of
us. I think the first thing for us to go
to is that recognizing that beliefs are
a choice and every choice can be
changed.
Yes. So, beliefs are a choice and every
choice can be changed.
Do people react like you're crazy when
you say that? Um you know, I haven't
floated that out enough in a big enough
audience to see PEOPLE LIKE, "BLAH!
[screaming]
I DON'T BELIEVE IT." I'M DYING TO KNOW
how people responded to this.
see. Cuz I I really think people think
that beliefs are recognition of truth.
And that to try to change your beliefs
is to try to deny the truth in someone.
Well, I mean, for anyone watching who
ever believed in Santa Claus.
Right? Like you believed things, I'm
certain that I know I have. Like you
believed things when you were younger,
even if you weren't a child, if you were
a teenager or you were a young adult,
that now
experience or wisdom or something has
shown you, no, that's not actually the
truth.
Anyway, my point is this. We
collectively have believed things both
individually and as a society over time
that we've changed our beliefs. So, I
think that that is proof positive that
our beliefs are a choice and those
choices can indeed be changed. You know,
obviously there is the phenomenon known
as confirmation bias, which is the
brain's um just it tends to reinforce
what we already believe and then ignore
information consciously or
subconsciously that doesn't match what
we already believe, which is often why
whenever we're having conversations
about really um delicate topics, like it
could be about gun gun control or
reproductive rights or race and they
just evolve so fast because people
hunker down in their belief bunkers and
they're unwilling to see another point
of view. But, I do hold fast to the fact
that
beliefs are a choice and choices can be
changed and here's what else is cool. Um
you know this because you're so immersed
in the world of personal development.
You're someone who is so committed to
learning and growth.
Over the years, I've read more personal
development books than you can like just
shake a tree at.
And often times, part of the exercise is
like you have to go hunt down all of
your limiting beliefs, right? So, if you
want to become this powerful person and
be the best that you can be, you need to
find every single limiting belief and
then change it and do all these
different things. Here's what I realized
when writing this book. You actually
don't need to do that.
I have a time-saving tool cuz everybody
needs to save some time and to make this
really effective and efficient. If you
adopt the belief that everything is
figureoutable and you take that on for
yourself, you don't need to go hunt in
down all your limiting beliefs cuz that
one thing is like the master key that
handles everything below it. It's almost
like flipping a switch in your
consciousness where then everything else
becomes possible. So, let's say if
you're like, "Oh, everything is
figureoutable." You bump bumped into
something in your relationship that
feels like it's problematic. You're
like, "Oh, I could figure this out." You
don't need to go necessarily looking for
all those limiting beliefs. You may
eventually uncover them and that's cool.
You can kind of clean them out, but you
don't have to do all this front-end
work. Adopt this one. It's like the
master key and it'll help you achieve
anything you want for the rest of your
life. This is not like hype. I'm dead
serious on this.
All right, guys. I really hope you
enjoyed learning from these incredible
individuals. I know I have taken so much
away from them and all of the amazing
insights that they have to offer really
will shape your life if you let it.
Please, never stop learning and growing.
That is going to be your best defense in
these times. It's also going to be your
best offense. So, never ever ever stop
growing. Thanks for watching and until
next time, my friends, be legendary.
Take care.
Look at yourself [music] in 10, 15, 20
years time and ask yourself the
question, is that where I want to be?
And if the answer is no, then you need
to find a new path.