Tom Bilyeu's Keynote on How to SUCCEED In Your Life Will Leave You SPEECHLESS

we're about to hear from Tom Billy you all know Tom incredible interviews from impact Theory millions and millions and millions of views and people's lives changed probably some of the best interviews we've ever experienced on the Internet by far the best interaction best questions absolutely incredible energy he's so rigorously committed to personal development and growth and he genuinely lives everything he says this guy is like discipline to the maximum and of course we all know what the incredible Heights he achieved requests the incredible heights I know he's going to achieve with his incredible comic book series called me on future so please put your hands together for my very dear friend and our next speaker Tom bill you [Music] Shetty the man yeah Jay Shetty offers to intro you you take it that's just life lesson number one alright so I want to come on the heels of that last video and talk about what is the single most important breakthrough any of us are going to have in our lives and look it's getting late right now and we have an opportunity we've got about an hour together 45 minutes I guess we've got 45 minutes together and what I want to try to do over the next 45 minutes is really create a vibe to bring us together to leverage that weird state that you get into when it's late at night and you're a little bit tired and you're open to something that you wouldn't necessarily be open to at any other point in your life so don't fringe out on the edges don't start leaking away like cosmic radiation come into the centers get close because if we can pull this off hopefully we can really start to have some transformations what got me interested in coming to this event and being a part of it is that it was so different James and staff flew out to meet me to spend time with my wife and I to paint a vision for what they wanted to do that they wanted to create something that would literally be a journey that you guys would travel on this emotionally yourselves that you would see in these people that we've been watching on the screen behind us today and tomorrow and you would begin to see the things in your life that either needed to be changed perceptions that needed to be broken through and as you thought through that process and you went through this journey with these real people that you really began to reflect on you and what it was you needed to do to get where you want to go and I talked a lot about the chasm that stands between where you are today and where you want to go and I'm here to tell you it just comes down to price there's a price to pay to become somebody new there's a price to pay for change and I've had a lot of you come up to me and ask questions and there's a look in people's eye and I will tell you one of the questions that hides behind what people are actually saying is Tom am I going to make it do I have what it takes when you look into my future can you see me making it and I'm gonna cut to the chase for all of you and you're a mistake what I'm about to say for good news and then I'm gonna tell you why it's actually the worst thing I could tell you you all meet minimum requirements you all meet minimum requirements so whatever it is you want to do I'm not gonna say that it's gonna be easy for you because you're ultra smart or something you probably aren't but everyone that I've encountered here literally without exception every single person that has come up to me and said something you meet minimum requirements even you awkward [ __ ] that have a hard time like making eye contact even you guys I'm telling you right now you've got some [ __ ] you're gonna have to deal with but you meet minimum requirements now minimum requirements for what for whatever you want now that sounds great right oh [ __ ] Tom said I can make it this is amazing but all I've actually said is now if you don't make it it's on you and that's it there's nobody else to blame everything is your fault everything the good stuff in your life that's on you you did that you either put yourself into position to deserve it to be around people that want to help to take care of you luck came by you were able to capitalize on it because like we talked about earlier looks like a bus and another one's coming but will you have the fare to get on and maybe that's it maybe you just got really lucky but she had the fare to get on the bus and that's on you so you should be very proud of the things that you have in your life but all the things in your life that aren't to your satisfaction those are all your fault and I'm gonna tell you a story and this story pisses people off and it goes like this my wife who happens to be British big it up for England let's say that she is with her mom and she's in the bedroom that she grew up in she's all safe and sound the doors locked the alarm is on her mom's in the next room making sure that she's safe but right then a meteorite comes screaming through the atmosphere crashes into her bedroom and kills her whose fault is that I know some other [ __ ] have listened to my content I will tell you that right now now if people don't know me everybody goes to it's dumb luck divine providence it's nobody's fault how could you blame yourself well let me tell you how I could blame myself and when you hear the reality of this and you realize that I am in no way shape or form being hyperbolic it actually is my fault here's why I know right now there is an organization that tracked what are called near-earth objects in fact I'm on the board of the XPrize one of the prizes that they're trying to raise money for is for this problem to track all these known objects and to find some way lasers planted nuclear explosions something to make sure that if something is ever on a collision course for Earth that we can stop it literally four weekends ago I had a chance to vote for this to say this should be a prize and I didn't so now not only have I never sent a dime of my money to help I've never sent an email with encouraging words I've never called them up to tell them what I think they should do now I literally voted against them so if a meteorite happens to kill my wife I don't have anyone to blame but myself that's so apparently true now I think it's the right decision I think they're putting the time and energy into something that has such a vanishingly slim possibility of actually happening makes no sense you have to know where to put your energies all of us have a finite amount of energy so you at some point have to triage and decide what are the things that I'm going to attack I'm far more worried about my wife getting into a car the likelihood of her dying is almost certainly going to be at this point something to do with heart disease or something to do with an aneurism things like that it most certainly isn't going to be a meteorite crashing through the roof and killing her but if it did I wouldn't waste time blaming anyone else now the key here the key I wouldn't beat myself up over it I would be crestfallen my wife is my everything it would be a loss so devastating I don't even want to comprehend it but I just wouldn't waste time blaming anyone else because the reality is and let this come home your life is the exact reflection of the choices you have made love your life great you've made awesome choices hate your life I'm sorry you've made bad choices but the good news is you're in control and that's why literally the first time I wrote this whole article it was my first blog article and it was all about how if I were hit by a drunk driver I would take ownership of that I would say that is my fault and people were pissed and I was so shocked I literally thought I want to pull people from the matrix what's the one gift that I could give people that will change their life forever and I wrote this whole thing and I was like talking about like oh man you're in this spot and it ends up being a kill box and there's cars on either side of you in a car in front of you and your horn dies and you can't even start your car and move you look in the rearview mirror and this drunk drivers plowing down they smashed into you and it's all your fault and thank God because now you remember the year in control but people thought I was victim shaming people were outraged that I would say that that was anyone's fault but the drunk driver but I don't want to do that because I choose not to ever be a victim I cannot choose whether I'm victimized but I have the ability to say I will never be a victim because there's always something you can do differently there is always something you can do differently and once you understand that you can always make a different choice and get a different reaction and that's the power in your life that's the power that you have is no matter what's going on you can choose to think differently believe differently see differently all of those things are a choice Reid man's search for meaning by Viktor Frankl lost his whole family to the Holocaust was in I think five different concentration camps and he said the thing that people die of in a concentration camp is the loss of a why and Nietzsche said if you have a Y you can survive almost any how because you can always change how you think about something and when you change how you think about it's what we've been talking about all day when you change how you think about it you actually change the event and I want you guys to see this I want you to see the voice of a victim in this next clip let's watch this is the task that we all have we all go through difficult things horrible things heartbreaking things the kinds of things that we wouldn't wish on somebody else but the job that we all have is in the face of that we have to construct a narrative about it that moves us forward and this is why I'm such a firm believer that you should do and believe that which moves you towards your goals people get the do part they understand their action should be actions that take them towards what they want to accomplish but people often miss the most important part which is only to believe things that move you towards your goals and I see people every day that tell themselves the story about themselves that they are worthless that they're meaningless that they're pointless that their friends and family would be better off if they just died so we have to find a way to construct a narrative about ourselves that empowers us that lifts us up even though even though we make mistakes even though we fall down even though we're never going to get things right all the time and even though terrible things happen to us or maybe we do terrible things but in that the erosion of the self that's the danger the erosion of the self that is the danger and when I talk to people about the 80/20 principle 80% of the time you should be focused on the things that you love the beautiful things that you want to bring to this world the beautiful things that are already in the world and 20 of the time you should be kicking yourself in your ass and saying you can do better it's such a powerful idea but the problem is when people get to the 20% they forget that it's only supposed to be 20% of the time and that it's meant to be these acute moments where you're pushing yourself to be more to do more it isn't so you can tear yourself down that's why you have to do and believe that which moves you towards your goals and of thinking that you're a worthless piece of [ __ ] moves you to your goals somehow then fine do it but I can't literally fathom a universe in which that would be a logical way to move forward so I'm gonna give you the magic words that you need right now to never fall prey to that believing I'm worthless does not serve me and I don't do things that don't serve me repeat that in your head every time you begin to disparage yourself because here's the problem you're gonna believe it's true you're going to believe that you really are worthless that you've really done something that makes you worthy of punishment that means you ought to suffer and in that moment you're never gonna be able to convince yourself that that's not true so you need something else that's going to get you off the hook and it has to be that core belief system in your life a belief system that you put in place when you were emotionally sober and you said to yourself I'm making a pledge I do and believe that which moves me towards my goals period not when it's convenient always and that becomes the guiding light in my life if the guiding light in your life is that you only do and believe that which moves you towards your goals when you get into that loop of beating yourself up and thinking that you're worthless or that you're never gonna make it remember that that belief does not serve you and you don't do things that don't serve you and not to rat anybody out but do you know how many people just today have broke down in tears in front of me and the punchline is always the same they don't think they're gonna make it they become convinced they're more lost than other people they're less capable than other people that while other people are going to have these beautiful lives not them here's the irony everyone feels that way everyone goes through moments of doubt and despair so you need something to protect your mindset against that loop because it will chip away at you and the belief is very simple you don't do things that don't serve you and that brings us to adaptability we've got a video about this I want you guys to watch this because understanding how to begin to change yourself how to begin to change the narrative that you're living with this is the way out let's watch the video now here's the bad news you can adapt in a good way you can adapt in a bad way like he said in the video he adapted to life as an addict he adapted to life in prison and it's all too easy to find comfort in familiarity to adapt to something that is deeply unpleasant and to remain stuck there and as I was talking when we had bow on stage about how you have these moments to break through and what it's really going to take for you to get to that next level it's to understand that the person that you are has gotten you as far as it's ever going to get you so you've got to become a new person you literally have to adapt now the great news is like we talked to my first talk that is what humans are wired to do humans are the ultimate adaptation machine the reason that we are the only species that you can find in every corner of the globe at one point James Cameron was literally at the bottom of the Marianas Trench we have sent human beings to the moon we are going to send human beings to Mars and the reason we're going to be able to do that is we can adapt to our surroundings there was a woman who swam the Bering Strait really think about this the Bering Strait is the space between Russia and Alaska so you can imagine it's not quite a swim in the Bahamas to make the swim she had to change her fat from what's known as white adipose tissue to brown fat brown fat is more thermogenic so it actually kicks off Pete to do that for over a year she had to expose herself routinely to cold temperatures sleeping in the winters in Alaska with the window open but in doing that she actually put her body through an adaptation response her body got the message adapt or die so it adapted and when you're willing to put yourself under those kinds of stresses to become that new thing you want to become to be the new person that you want to be to go farther than anyone you know has ever gone to be the [ __ ] goat it is possible but it demands a price it demands a price and what this weekend is about it's about you deciding for yourself where do you want to go and what price are you willing to pay to get there there's no right answer there's no wrong answer there's just clarity there's just clarity don't judge yourself if you don't want to play on a world stage don't judge yourself if you're not willing to pay an extraordinary price just get de clarity of what you want and what you need to do to get there when you do that then you're going to be able to construct a narrative about who you are and that narrative becomes everything I've often said the point of life the meaning of all this chasing your doing is one simple thing how do you feel about yourself when you're by yourself I know a lot of people that fear that quiet I know a lot of people that don't want to be alone with themselves and the reason they don't want to be alone with themselves is because they don't think they're worthwhile they're not happy with who they are that's what adaptation is about if you're not happy with who you are then let's step into the ownership of that let's remember that's our faul there's no one else to blame for that the people that did horrible things to you are not to blame for that because if they are there's nothing you can do but if you're the owner of that in fact don't even worry about the word blame you're in control that's what this is about it's about retaining control it's about knowing that you own your life and at any time if you want a different outcome you can make different decisions you can do different things you can start a new narrative and once you begin that new narrative you realize the power that's in that to take you where you want to go but it begins with identifying what is your goal once you have your goal then you can work backwards to what you need to do in order to accomplish that goal and that is the chasm of adaptation it's the acquisition of skillset it's getting better at something it's becoming capable of something that you weren't capable of before but that change the fear of the unknown is the thing that paralyzes people so I want to go back to what I said earlier you all meet minimum requirements and I really mean that I don't want you to wonder if somebody believes in you I believe in you I've seen a lot of people reach for the stars and fail I've seen a lot of people reach for the stars and make it I have a pretty good sense of what it takes for people to get there so when I say that you guys meet minimum requirements I really mean it and I want that to liberate you but what I wanted to liberate you to do is to figure out why it's not enough because I didn't just change anyone's life with that phrase but I should have that should be all you need to know but there are other things stuck in your perception of who you are in the lens by which you view this world that convinces you that you can't make it and now in moment where I'm hoping the people that are left here right now are the diehard [ __ ] that are gonna make change no matter what I want some people to step forward and I want you to tell me what you're afraid of I want to know why you don't think you're gonna make it we have a brave soul let's hear it yeah give it up for that I'm afraid of getting to the end of my life and realizing that I did not become the best version of myself knowing that I got to the very end of my life and I did not accomplish every single thing I know I believe in my heart my deserves have I know the only thing that's stopping me myself I love that I think that's the right fear and I think all of us should have some form of that fear which if you didn't hear is to have a vision of the person you could become and to reach the pearly gates as it were see who you could have been contrasted with who you actually are and be disappointed by the gap between them and I love chasing that I think it's a beautiful chase but what I hope you guys will do if you ever find yourself at the pearly gates disappointed in how much farther you could have gone to simply ask one question of yourself every day did I give it my all today doesn't mean you're always gonna win yeah if your life is a series of [ __ ] yes I did you've won you've won guys the struggle is guaranteed the struggle is guaranteed the struggle is guaranteed the success is not and like the thing that I beg you guys is to have the guts to fail it's something that you love and when you were on the mud on your face and people are laughing that I told you so's are coming out that you remember one simple fact you loved what you were doing and you left it out on the field what the [ __ ] else is there legitimately like I'm getting emotional what the [ __ ] else is there what more can you ask of yourself than to really [ __ ] try to really say I give a [ __ ] about this that's the life to live that's the life like to say I care about this it matters it gives me purpose I'm gonna fight for this this is a group of people I want to serve and I'm gonna go all the way out every day and look you're not gonna hit it every day there's gonna be days where you're off there's gonna be days where you're weak weak but if that day instead of bullshitting yourself instead of saying I wasn't weak today what are you talking about if that day you [ __ ] own it and you say yeah I was weak today and I'm not gonna be weak tomorrow but I'm not afraid to face that I'm not afraid to accept that I'm not perfect I'm not afraid to look in the mirror and say today was a bad day that I didn't make myself proud today but that shouldn't diminish who you are it shouldn't diminish your view of yourself why because I wouldn't serve you because if you beat yourself up today you make it harder for you to be rad tomorrow it's a game that has to be seen in total it's not a game where you can take a [ __ ] snapshot and this is like what I want you guys to understand in one moment I've looked like a fool so many [ __ ] times I can't count but when I look at my life in ten year chunks I'm freaked out by what I've accomplished so I'm okay if I don't become the ultimate version of what I could become but I won't tolerate not trying well some of my limiting beliefs are that I'm not good enough and I don't deserve the success that I have right now so I keep fighting those limiting beliefs in my mind all right they are getting better that little speech actually helped a ton but it's am I ever gonna be good enough and am i worthy of this success so this is one of the most common refrains ever worth being good enough being right being smart because these are very fragile ways to think of yourself and I understand the temptation because it feels really good when you do feel worthy it feels really good when you are right it feels really good to actually be the best at something but the truth of the world just the truth of the world it is this way you're always going to encounter somebody better stronger faster more pious more worthy more whatever so if you live in a world of comparison it will rob you of your joy even people who like Michael Jordan if you put him right now up against most rookies the rookies gonna win rookies younger faster hungrier Michael's just lost the stab he's gotten old so if he were trying to make his life about his glory in that period let's say he lives 80 years if he's living for the glory of 20 years that's the most heartbreaking life I can imagine so you're going to move in and out of these moments where you are a badass to where you're not a badass don't value yourself for that value yourself for something that is anti fragile being smart being right being good being worthy they are very fragile thanks because sometimes you won't be it simply is this way valuing yourself for being a learner on the other hand for trying that's anti fragile because the more somebody attacks you for being dumb but you build your self-esteem around learning the first thing I think when someone says I'm dumb is awesome in what way because I view myself in these 10 year windows and I know the same people that were laughing at me when I became an entrepreneur knew nothing about it and I was who's the kid in the server room and I was the only one with an office that had no windows and they were like nine other computers in my room and nobody knew who I was and the only contribution I made the phone calls was to say goodbye at the end of a conference call I'm not kidding ten years later I own a billion-dollar business who the [ __ ] is laughing now [Music] but it only works because I didn't mind looking stupid it only worked because I wasn't asking myself whether I was worthy or whether I deserved it I just asked myself am i leaving it all out in the field yes or no am i learning yes or no and if I'm not I didn't go oh that makes me a bad person I went I need to change my actions to get a different result and once you start thinking like that and you literally value yourself for how hard you're trying how much you're learning how willing you are to accept when you fall on your face that you don't try to get out from under it or campaign to convince people that you're better than you really are [ __ ] on where you're at because once you're real about it then you can make progress but if your energy cycles go to bullshitting yourself you'll never get out of it um so for me it's my happiness now I believe that's as happy as I can be and it's hard to realize that there is progression and I make that progression that it's not going through four years of school to make that percussion it's actively participating in my own life and being able to bounce back and forth between those as a human dude that's wrong thank you for that by the way please honor that that was beautiful so here's the thing about happiness happiness is by nature transient happiness is also a neurochemical state and for me to get out from under my brain I finally had to understand that neuro chemistry is fickle and it changes from one minute to the next in fact who's ever had a day in the same day where you thought I'm so [ __ ] amazing like this [ __ ] is crazy for real are other people this good at anything like I'm the [ __ ] and then I'm not joking forty minutes later you're like oh [ __ ] man I am [ __ ] I can't believe I'm never gonna succeed like this is a joke I'm a total piece of [ __ ] who's ever been there alright that's essentially universal hands in the air so just know the next time that you have one of those down moments remember everybody else is feeling that the joke is on all of us we're all feeling it but we think we're the only ones so we hide it so we get these loops about happiness look happiness comes and goes it's super transient you're gonna feel it one minute you're not gonna feel it the next that is the nature of things burn that notion into your head that is the nature of things all right well if I know that it's there if I know that it's predictable then I'm not gonna let it whip me into a frenzy I know that as I'm sure mr. J Shetty would say this too shall pass learn that phrase and learn it well this too shall pass the highs will pass the lows will pass so don't focus on happiness it's too transient focus on fulfillment fulfillment is defined very simply you work very hard for a set of skills that have meaning to you you care about them in and of themselves and those skills that you have worked so hard to obtain they allow you to serve not only yourself but others that's the key to making this highly social animal fulfilled and to have something that sustains a time fulfilment is born of suffering it's born of doing the hard things so even in those dark moments you can see beauty you can experience the joy of being alive you can experience the joy of having loved ones because it endures fulfillment in doors now you're not gonna feel the neurochemical high of it all the time but when you look inward and ask yourself am i busting my ass to serve not only myself but others if the answer is yes it's really hard to keep feeling badly about yourself focus on fulfillment and you will make yourself impervious to the sways that is happiness mine is at the single father of three beautiful girls I have limited time with them I want to know if I'm giving everything I can that they'll that I'm making an impact and I'm always worried that what little time that I have do they feel loved do they feel value am i instilling that in them and that's my biggest thing is everything I doing is a drive to be able to progress in life or I can make the best out of them where they have value in themselves so here's the great news for all the parents in the audience you're going to [ __ ] it up and all of your parents [ __ ] it up but you can make them feel loved man and at the end of the day I will tell you this right now my mom [ __ ] up so much it is crazy but I never doubted that she loved me not once and because of that I had a rock now here's the truth about taking risks and everyone in this room is willing to take risks that's why you're willing to dream that's why you guys are going to execute against that and the way to take risks is to have a very safe and stable home life you're gonna make mistakes man and it's okay you're gonna learn from those mistakes and you're gonna get better and as long as the thing that sits at the core of your relationship to those little girls is dad loves us nothing else matters if you make them feel that dude everything else will be irrelevant if you get them into the world knowing that they are loved at an absurd level everything's going to be okay I can't do something can't do something that's just something I told myself and myself talked negative self-talk and then I got to a point where it's like I can and I can do this but the can didn't become something that was deep it wasn't based I think on a solid foundation because I have the fear of thinking now that it's not that I can't the fear is that I can so I'm trying to break through they can so that's where I am right now I love that and I think that's the right fear once you realize you meet minimum requirements you should be afraid okay I can and now it's all a question of am I actually going to do it and am I going to follow through with it and then I'm gonna say to you you're focused on the wrong thing because it doesn't matter if you're ever successful because truly and to give you guys a little bit of my background I went from scrounging in my couch cushions to find enough change to put gas in my car to helping build this technology company I was hired as a copywriter and I worked my way up I became a multi-millionaire inside that company on paper and I was miserable miserable and I thought this is a joke I'm living the cliche of money can't buy happiness what the [ __ ] how many people had to say it and I still didn't believe it like how many people literally have to tell you money is not going to give you the thing that you want I've had every opportunity up here to be like yeah [ __ ] get rich that [ __ ] as cool as hell and here's the thing people will chase money forever why because it's real money Israel money is powerful but money's not at all what you think it is you think when it comes to success like getting there making it achieving it the way that you see somebody that's achieved it now however you define that and you look at them and you think oh my god they're amazing you think you're gonna think the same thing about yourself and you won't and I had the very good fortune my wealth came all at once I built a company I had tons of equity in the company I was worth hundreds of millions of dollars on paper but I was still driving a beat-up car and my life was whatever I was in a normal house I was making a good salary no need to feel sorry for me but in terms of like the wealth moment it literally came in an instant it was all right guys the money's been wired and you hit refresh on your bank account refresh refresh refresh refresh refresh refresh refresh and then BAM you're [ __ ] crazy rich and it's like commas and zeros and you're like holy [ __ ] I don't feel any differently about myself and all of my insecurities all the things that I beat myself up for all of it still right here it literally didn't change anything I could buy neither stuff but the only thing like if you want to know what money really does money lets you build I'm building impact Theory I'm going to win because I have the intensity and I have the capital that's money but money doesn't touch who you are so my thing is I make a broke building impact theory that that is a reality because I know the struggles guaranteed the success isn't so it's very possible I'm betting my fortune right now on building this thing maybe it doesn't work but that won't touch how I feel about myself losing the money won't touch how I feel about myself any more than making the money couldn't touch how I felt about myself because you either do the internal work of like I Know Who I am the thing that you'll resent isn't whether or not you make it the thing you'll resent is now that you know you can will you actually try trying is what you're going to judge yourself on hey don't share on that that should have scary that's the one I want you guys to think about today because none of you your family won't weep for you if you don't succeed two things will happen on your deathbed if you failed you really went for something and you failed one they will all mourn that you weren't able to live your life because you were so myopically focused on the goal that you forgot to enjoy the journey and somewhere along the way you stopped loving you stop loving them you stopped loving yourself because all you could see was succeeding getting that thing the tick on the paper box and you lost your way that's possibility number one possibility number two as they're like a this [ __ ] tried and it was inspiring and just to see them go day after day after day in the face of so much defeat but to have the will and determination to keep going Winston Churchill said and I quote success is going from failure to failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm it doesn't matter if you win that's not success the success is going from the failure to the failure to the failure and still being excited to show up it's like this is how I like in success success is like love you know the beautiful part about love getting the [ __ ] kicked out of you and then coming back for more that's so hopeful that's so optimistic to be like whoa I just had my ass handed to me and yet I want to be vulnerable again I want to go through this again I want to open myself up to this I want to be touched by that I want to feel that [ __ ] people can get behind that man we can get excited about that we want to be friends with people like that we want to feel that in our own lives that willingness to to obtain stood defeat and still come in open and not jaded how beautiful is that so I promise the only thing you will ever judge yourself for is whether or not you tried and since succeeding doesn't matter you might as well try all right this red things been haunting me for a while so unfortunately we're gonna have to rap but I'm gonna make you guys a promise first of all stay tonight so anybody that wants to stay hang out get photos signatures ask questions I will do it as long as they'll leave my mic on I'll stay but for vocal reasons because I have a full day tomorrow I can't be shouting so if they'll leave my mic on I'll stay until they shut it off and then tomorrow as promised I will not go to bed if that's what it takes I will answer every single question you guys have because by then my official speaking obligation would be over so if I lose my voice so be it I will stay until every question is answered every photo was taken everything that you want to learn figure out whatever is done okay so I'm way honored that you guys were willing to step to the mic that means a lot to me but for now we're gonna have to rap remember guys the only thing that matters what do you think about yourself when you by yourself go out and try man [Applause]