This MUST Happen Before The Narcissist Contacts You Again [RAW]

This must happen before the narcissist contacts you again. So, a lot of people always ask me if the narcissist will contact them again. But, I explain to them at some point they usually will. But, then some of you say that it's been a week. It's been months. And you think that they're going to contact you again. So, I think a lot of people don't fully understand what narcissists do. Because narcissists do contact people again. And this is called hoovering. Hoovering is when they come back for more supply. So, they come back for more of your attention. More of your validation. They come back for more control. And to regain possession of you. So, you've got to think about it like this. You are like a brand new car to a narcissist. And when they first got you they were excited. Because you took them places. You were fresh. You were new. The problem is that eventually the car needs to be maintained. The narcissist neglects the car. So, eventually the car breaks down. And then they hate the car. They say the car is garbage. They might leave it at the front of their yard. And then it's easier to get another car. But they might come back and see if they can get you fixed up. They will never put maximum effort in to actually make things better. But they will do just enough to keep the car moving. Just so they can take it around town a few more times. Just so they can get what they need out of it. Because remember, all they care about is supply. They don't care to take care of the car or to take care of you. As long as you're living and breathing and you're still able to supply them with what they need. That's all they care about. So they'll do just enough. They'll do the bare minimum. Because it's all about themselves. Remember, narcissists are self-absorbed. They lack empathy. And they're constantly in survival mode. So all they care about is getting that supply. It's not because they love you or because they miss you or because they care about who you are as a person or because they care about your inner experience. No. It is never like that when you're dealing with a narcissist. All they care about is themselves. All they care about is supply for themselves. But eventually they do discard their victims. And if you're discarded, it's much easier to get rid of them. And of course, you know, you probably want more for your life than just the bare minimum. You want to feel comfortable. You want to thrive in life. You don't want to be constantly on edge, constantly anxious, constantly depressed, constantly wondering what they're going to do next. You don't want to live like that. And this is it, you know, you've got to take away your hope and belief in them. Stop believing in their lies and future faking. Stop thinking that things are ever going to get better because they're not. And instead, if they go you should go no contact. Because if you let them back in, all they're going to do is destroy you. And this time around, there won't be much of a love bombing phase. It will go straight to the devaluation. And it will get a lot worse. So when they contact you again, it's not because they miss you. It's not because [clears throat] they care about you. It's a temperament checker. They want to see how you're doing. They want to see if you're feeling better. They want to see if you're healing. They want to see if you moved on after what they put you through. And it's because they know that you're strong and resilient. That's why they targeted you. So, they want something that they can go back and forth to because it's easier. It's more economical for them. It conserves their energy. And typically, when they come back, they will try to rub something in your in your face. They will try to flaunt something to you, possibly regarding the new supply. And if you broke up with them, now they have to get you back. And they will do anything they can to get you back just to reject you. But even if there's no contact at all, they will typically return after maybe 6 to 9 months. And that's because they're already 10 steps ahead of you. They're never in the present. They're always in the future. So, you may think that they got [clears throat] with someone after they left you, but they were already talking to them while they were with you. And they were probably talking to more than just that one person because they always have people waiting for them. They can't ever be alone. They're never single. They need supply. And that there's something with a narcissist where they've just always got to have someone ready and waiting on the side. It just fills them with anxiety to think that that there's no one who they can think of, who they can reach out to whenever they need to. As long as they've got someone there, as long as they've got someone on the shelf, they're happy. But then even when someone is there, they typically don't really care about them. They take them for granted. They're just not grateful for it at all. But then if that person isn't there, now it becomes a real problem. Now they become anxious. Now they become desperate. So a big part of this is just knowing that something is there just in case they need it. And um you know, what that really is when they're in this state, it's really just boredom. Maybe even depression. You know, they they just feel so low, so empty. And it's it's it's really more psychological more than anything then. You know, it's kind of like you know, if you're thirsty and you you've got lots of water, and then you barely drink any of it. But then let's say you don't have any access to water for a certain amount of time. Now suddenly you really feel the thirst. You know, it's more of a psychological thing. But yeah, what must happen for them to return to you is they must get bored of this new person. Because as long as they're still being entertained by them, and they think it's going somewhere, or they're getting something out of it, then they're busy. They're preoccupied. So, at that point, they don't even see you. Because they're pursuing something with someone else. And when a narcissist is in pursuit of something, they just tune everything else out. It's like they have tunnel vision. Because they're predators. So, as long as they're in pursuit, as long as they're occupied with this new supply, and they're entertained by it, they won't even view you as a potential prospect. Even though they were with you before and you were their supply. Remember, it's not about connection. They never fully connected to you. There wasn't any real emotional investment. This is all just um benefits, resources, convenience. It's a transaction. So, things have to go bad with the new supply first. And it it's not just that things have to go bad because it'll typically in a in a relationship with a narcissist, the love bombing phase is if you're lucky, it's 10% of it. The rest of it is just devaluation. So, they can keep going with the devaluation for a very long time. So, it's not that it just has to be bad because even when it's bad, there's drama and that's still entertaining for them. And a lot of times that seems to be even more entertaining than the love bombing. And that's why they spend such a long time doing it. Because they love how that makes them feel. It gives them a thrill. So, what must happen for them to return to you is that it must get boring. It must get dull. It must get mundane. It must become routine, predictable. Like it's just Groundhog Day. They're just doing the same thing every day. And even when that happens, unless, you know, they're really desperate at that moment, typically there's going to be a temperament checker. So, they need to see if you've healed. They need to see if you're better. Because why would they come back to you when they could just pick up with yet another fresh new source of supply? So, you have to be good enough. They're just rotten people. We're all just objects or possessions to them. And once they've been with a person for a few months, they feel like they own that person for life. So, even if they appear to be done with you, they'll put you on the shelf, and they'll see if they want you later. And even if they've messed you up and they've discarded you, they will wait until you're better, and then they will come back. But yeah, they will contact you again. It may seem like you haven't heard from them for a while. For some of you, it may be weeks. For others, it may be months. I've heard situations where narcissists have come back after years, even decades. They can go off with someone else. They can get married. They can have children. And years or even decades can go by. But then eventually they get bored of that person. Or that person stops tolerating their toxic behavior, or them cheating on them. Because people victims in this, they can often they can often just fall asleep. You know, they enter this um the narcissistic fog, the fear, obligation, and guilt. And before they know it, years or even decades have just passed by. They don't know where it went. And then one day they just wake up. And so even though the narcissist may have had supply for years or decades, now they've suddenly lost it. And so now they need to find some form of suitable replacement. Because it's not always that they will just immediately come back to you. It won't always be something big. It may just be small steps. So they may send you a friend request. They may unblock you. They may start texting you again. They will do something to let you know they're there. And they will act like they care about you. Now, there's really no motive for a narcissist to even pretend like they care, for them to ask you how you're doing, or to find out about what's going on in your life, unless they are desiring to be a part of it. That's why they're peering in with you, because they're trying to see if there's room for them, if it's something that they can come back to and be a part of again. But then you got to remember, you know, this is after everything they did to you, and after they left you alone for months without an explanation. So, they may act like they care. They don't really care about you. Now, that's important to remember, because it's why you're really just better off not letting them back in again. They will never get better. They only come back because they want to mess with you again and get more from you. And that's what this is. This is just all about supply. All they care about is attention, validation, being admired, or having someone that they can use to be their emotional punching bag, their personal ATM. That's all that it ever was, and that's all that it's ever going to be with anyone they're involved with. It's never going to be about commitment, connection, a future. It's never going to be like that again. So, you know, even if you're not hearing from them, I wouldn't worry about it at all. You're not missing out on anything. Forget about the stories they told you, the lies, the future faking, the false character that they displayed to you at the beginning. It's all fake. It's all an act. It's all an illusion. And it's all just distracting you from what should be more important to you. And from what will give you the peace and clarity that you're looking for. And that is [clears throat] all within you. Once you come back to yourself, once you focus on yourself again, you will begin to feel a lot better. Now, of course, this all begins by really just examining yourself more. Start looking in the mirror again. And you may say, "You look in the mirror every day." But do you really look at yourself? Because when you're with a narcissist, it's like, you know, they're always distracting you. But you're never fully examining who you are. It's always through the lens of how they want you to see yourself. So, you need to find some space, find some time for you to be alone, where you can examine yourself without judging yourself. And I mean, really just looking in the mirror at who you are, your appearance. Maybe recording yourself on a camera on your phone. Recording your own voice and playing it back. And examining your own thoughts. Just sitting in stillness for at least 10 minutes a day. That's how you connect to yourself and get to know yourself again. Because when you're constantly just you know, it's like you're dissociated. You're just in fear, obligation, guilt. And you're just constantly focused on them. It's like you're in hypervigilance. It's the reticular activating system of your brain. You see you're constantly focused on the narcissist. You're anxious about what they're going to do next. Or you're you're thinking about things that they've already done. You're trying to solve the puzzle, figure things out. And none of that really has anything to do with you as a person. It's all about them. And yet you know, they get you to filter everything through them. And then define yourself through that distorted perception. Which all revolves around their sense of control and superiority. So it's highly biased, highly inaccurate. So yeah, take the time each day and you know, just to focus on yourself again. That's really what I advise for you now. And if you need more support, you could reach out to me through my website. I am available to you. Book a one-on-one. It's narc survivor.co.uk. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you in another video very soon.