“This Keeps 99% Single!” Dating Expert Exposes The Truth on Divorce, Love, and Cheating

women submit to men that they respect and how you get their respect is aniey degenerate it's not men and women you are apparently pretty controversial everything I say seems to really trigger people masculinity to might be provocative for women as much as they want you to be emotionally connected to them and all this good stuff the key thing that they unconsciously want is how do you know if she's into you or not into you but here's where high value men get it wrong they have incredible self-control in business terrible with women our daddy issues real yes in men and women more so in men you mentioned deal breakers what's the difference between deal breakers red flags and ick I love that that is such a great question [Music] okay so Sadia thank you so much for coming on the iced coffee hour also known as Sadia psychology you are apparently pretty controversial apparently so understand why but apparently I'm very controversial and Graham and I have just been binging your content lately it's very it scratches an itch a lot of people have because you talk about like modern dating what's wrong with it what's good with it and just general psychological advice and I've loved it it's helped tremendously has it traumatized you because a lot of people leave being a bit traumatized from listening to my content no I would say like I had these inherent like born beliefs and then culture kind of masks that I'm like well maybe maybe this is actually true but you're kind of reaffirming my like inherent born beliefs intin which which has been nice yeah here's what I think about that though if people listen to you and they're single yes I think they'll think there's a lot of work I have to put into myself to be desirable to the opposite sex and I can't just be myself and bump through it and do the bare minimum and expect to be in a relationship where I'm happy you can do that but then you have to have realistic expectations of what you'll receive in a partner the problem Lies when people want to just go be themselves be totally like you know floating along but their expectations is they want the most beautiful woman in the world or the expectation is they want the most successful man it's you can be whoever you want to be as long as you're realistic about yourself and your expectations and your partner when there's a mismatch between who you are and what you want then you have to work on yourself and then you have to change and I think the one thing I try and instill in the people that are watching it is the importance of self-respect in dating if you go into dating without self-esteem and self-respect it will turn into just one divorce after the other so the reason I put a lot of emphasis on improving yourself is the moment we improve oursel and enhance our self-esteem we can then select better and we can maintain relationships better but when we have low self-esteem unfortunately we're just delaying the divorce so what gives you the credential to speak on topics like this of course I've re um I'm psychologist I've studied psychology for many years I taught it in colleges for many many years um I've also done therapy for years on clients from particularly High earning clients is kind of my clientele I've lived in Dubai and so I do Psychotherapy on a lot of highend clients and this is where my message gets a little bit unfair because I do cater more to the successful men and the you know more attractive women that kind of that kind of bracket of society I tend to a lot of my viral Clips tend to be related to that tiny Niche I can I do talk about the normal healthy relationship but what seems to go viral is when I'm talking about that particular type of couple so it does seem to be a little bit Niche and like a lot of people like oh you're generalizing it doesn't apply to me I'm sure it doesn't apply to you but if it doesn't apply to you you keep it moving how is that different uh oh it's completely different unfortunately so like what's the difference between dating when you're really rich and dating as like a normal person as you get richer your criteria in a woman gets more and more shallow and what I mean by this is as men get more and more successful they can Outsource somebody that cooks cleans nannies they can Outsource all the normal traits that create a connection like intelligent conversation they usually are so busy all day speaking to having really important conversations when they come home they kind of just want a a stress release and a stress release usually the best and quickest way to do that is a woman who is highly attractive and just good at sexual stuff and that becomes what they're looking for they no longer look for the woman that they can have long intimate conversations with because they don't have the time for that so they get more and more shallow in what they're looking for and as a result they attract a more and more shallow woman because a woman that is okay with a man being super super busy never connected never home always traveling never get to spend time with him is a woman that will compensate that lack of connection with material things so the relationship Dynamic becomes very difficult and it becomes very transactional you mentioned something on another podcast that I found really interesting which is that high achieving men if they get like a let's say a lesser intelligent or lesser achieving partner then it's really challenging for them to engage in like fruitful discussions with their partner because they're so used to a higher level of like conversation and then they start talking to their partner and like okay she's kind of droning she's like not really talking about anything I'm interested in and it doesn't end up working because of like that that dissonance yeah and I would be I would be more specific in that I think there's two types of high achieving men there's High achieving men that grew up with healthy self-esteem and just became High achieving and as a result they look for Mutual intelligence Mutual value in a relationship they want somebody she doesn't have to be a CEO but you're both intelligent intellectual people you both come from good homes you both have not necessarily perfect but you both are looking for something deeper now there's the other type of high achieving man whose entire identity is his money now the one that whose entire identity is his money is okay with a woman whose entire identity is her appearance and she doesn't need to bring much to the table but the man that's actually has far more to offer than just his money will look for a woman that has far more to offer than just her appearance and so we'll look for more intellectual and emotional intimacy he'll actually want to have a conversation he'll want to get her per like opinion on things and he'll want to do things with her whereas a one that entire identity is his finances is okay with a woman whose entire identity is her appearance find that those people are less happy overall deeply but they don't know what it is it's like they don't know how to feed their soul they're less happy because they looking they think what they think is going to make them happier is these shallow qualities like money and women and sex and they think that but it's like filling in a a cup fill with holes it's going to constantly leak out of them because they're still un deeply unhappy because the real cure to their low self-esteem is something deeper than that but they don't realize it so they look for their self-esteem in shallow places and the same with the women that look for it in materials now this might be an inappropriate question but since we started off and you talked about one-on-one client like Consulting and stuff like that being like a very intelligent and obviously beautiful woman have you ever ran into any issues where a guy comes in there for practice and like over time he develops feelings for you h no because I'll been I'll be very good at I'm a professional at friend zoning myself I am very good at desexualizing myself and friend zoning myself but the main thing is what makes it difficult for them to be attracted to me is part of a man's especially when they're highly successful they're so used to women that they're attracted to blowing smoke up their ass and just telling them that they're amazing they're gorgeous they're this that and that's what they're used to because that's what women usually do to try and manipulate them they've got me who's telling you no no she's not actually attracted to you she's just using you oh no no she's still sleeping with her ex because I'm so deeply cutting through it takes away a little bit of the attraction cuz they like this woman is really going for me and I'm a little bit tough with them because I'm a bit tougher with the men so I think that it kind of makes them less attracted to me because um the kind of niceness that you get out of women and that kind of your self-esteem that you get from a woman giving you compliments is kind of derailed in therapy you get straight to the truth so men are more attracted to their partner if they feel like their partner thinks they're like Macho and like Alpha and my whole job is to invalidate their thoughts so if you say something and what they I saw a study the other day somebody actually told me it was a comedian that was saying it and she was saying that um men and women both look for sense of humor but their definition of sense of humor is completely different for a woman it's a man that makes her laugh for a man it's a woman that laughs at his jokes so men love validation they love they say something the woman agrees or she laughs as well or she supports them my whole role is to invalidate their thoughts and experiences because I have to challenge it so the invalidation kind of decreases the attraction how did you become a relationship expert like this I don't know if I it was deliberate it was just my research I was always in psychology of Education I used to focus a lot on education psychology of education but what would happen is I would realize that it especially with children their relationship with their parents has a really big impact in their performance and I started realizing that it then affects their relationship with their peers and then their romantic relationships and I always was just more fascinated whenever I would talk about relationships because I was naturally more fascinated it directed my kind of um focus when it comes to studying it so I'd study human nature a lot more and I'd study relationships a lot more but then PE thing is I was naturally observant with the opposite gender I was always observant I had lots of male friends I would always be interested in the dynamic between men and women I just found it really fascinating so because I naturally paid attention to what men and women are doing and I had an equal amount of male and female friends I understood male and female Behavior really well and so I became a bit androgynous I was never a girls girl and I'm just all about the girls and I was never just all about the boys I had an equal understanding of male and female thought processes and when you have an equal understanding and you can understand how they connect with each other and what works and what doesn't work and that's what I think helped me is have being a woman but being very aware of the male mindset can you provide your opinion on this theory that I came up with yes please so I think I mean I'm sure that this has probably been documented somewhere validating or invalidating this but I didn't grow up with a sister I grew up with just an older brother my dad and my mom and so when I would see my mom being like a little bit emotional maybe like re responding a little you know more I guess emotionally to something like I would kind of recoil at that because I'm like oh it's like a problem with you know my mom or something like that she's just like a very emotional person but I didn't grow up with a sister that would come through the door one day and for some reason get like really upset for something and then she start going at it with my mom and I didn't see that kind of like conversation or dialogue and I think that not growing up with like either female friends or without a sister and seeing like women interacting with women kind of provides you with like a tainted ideology and like seeing women as this like foreign alien thing and then you start talking to them like you're talking to guys and then they say no you need to talk to women differently and you start talking to women like completely different like they're an alien and they don't like that either yeah I think that's a really interesting observation I'm really it's a really interesting observation I like that you said that because one of the best insights into women that a man can have is seeing their Dynamic with other women men tend to have this lens that women are innocent they're soft and they're feminine and they're not manipulative and they're not unkind so they naturally trust women easier they naturally go into relationships with an element of trust and naivity about the real nature of women when you see women interacting with other women you see a completely different side of them they can be quite caty they can fight a lot they can be mean they can be mive and you get an understanding is they're just like us they're just human they are capable of the same misdemeanors and nice things as men and women so when you have just the only access as your mother you kind of can be put women a little bit on a pedestal and think that they're really soft or think that they're really kind or think that they've got great intentions seeing women in different lights is particularly in a nonsexual light you realize that they are just flawed like everybody else so you start to select a bit better and you start to be aware of them a bit more but if you see them as this delicate soft Angelic thing you'll treat them according to that and they're not actually like that they want to know that you understand human nature just as well as they do and you understand their flaws just as much and you're still accepting of all of those things but being naive about them really puts them off while we're on the topic of dating as a single Bachelor out here in Las Vegas one thing that is key when I go on dates is that I must have very high focus and mentioned this several times before on the podcast but for me staying focused is incredibly challenging it's been my entire life whether I'm trying to research a guest to come on the show or I'm reviewing a podcast episode I oftentimes get very distracted I've even tried everything from turning my phone black and white silencing notifications I even bought a box that has a timer on it that I can lock my phone up in and wearing noise cancelling headphones however a few months ago magic 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literally risk-free 100 days money back guarantee if you're interested once again the link is down below in the description be sure to use code I thank you so much magic mind for sponsoring this episode and back to the podcast so how are men and women psychologically different I think the things that in a relationship sense overall overall terms of priorities the priority for women is far more protection than men need men don't need protection from women they need more appreciation and they need access and appreciation they need access to her like she gives them love and affection but they need appreciation for what they do that combination of access even physically they need sexual affirmation they need physical touch well combined with appreciation they're relatively happy for women they as much as they want you to be emotionally connected to them and all this good stuff the key thing that they unconsciously want is somebody far more intelligent than them and they don't mean intelligent like he's a CEO he's a boss they mean intelligent enough to recognize that when she might be lying when something doesn't add up when her truths are not adding up when her behavior is not adding up they like that in a man because when they see that he can't connect the dots they start to think that they are more intelligent than him and then they start to think that they're more powerful than him and then they can become manipulative but when you're with a man that is loves you and appreciates you but he still wants to very fact check what you're saying and he still wants to make sure that Hey listen are you correct in this what you're saying and factchecking him he she appreciates that knowledge in the long run so I think naively believing everything they say they don't like it whereas for a man naively believing what he says he loves that in you he thinks that you're his biggest F also coincided with distrust it yes like in such a way if she's saying oh I'm going to go to the grocery store doesn't it seem a little excessive to be like are you really go who was there with grer here's what I would say is there's a fine line between being toxic and being like aware the key with awareness is you're not judging her based on you're not like misinterpreting everything and distrusting and being toxic what you're doing it's more of a case of you've picked a woman who's naturally is as invested in the relationship as you are to her you're equally invested in each other you're equally attracted to each other you equally sworn of Alternatives you've already made that assessment first then you fall in love with her what men do is kind of attach to her first and then figure out if she's invested if she's attracted if she and then hopefully make sure that she and try make her all of those things the better thing to do is select a woman who's already interested attracted invested and loyal to begin with then go forward so it's more the pre-checking than the aftermath it's interesting what you're saying seems to be a little bit countercultural to what at least people are saying nowadays like we had Justin Waller on the podcast and he said one of the most important things a guy can do in a relationship is to set his frame which I think is kind of what you were saying where it's like guys need to kind of call out this sort of behavior they should not allow I don't know disrespect or something like that um which but the key is pre if you do Post it's too late it's pre in the selection process I'm so sorry to interrupt you were going to say yeah no I think that's a really important thing to to stipulate yeah I don't know I found what he was saying really interesting and also you say that women need to be able to submit to their men can you explain that um what I mean by me being able to sub MIT is not blindly because he's the man and therefore I'm submitting and I'm going to worship you because you're the man it doesn't work that way it works more a way that I see that you are very uh protective you're very you're a good provider you're good you're protective you're smart you're intelligent you can make decisions without me having to kind of guide you all the way as a result of your traits I naturally want to submit it's a bit like having a great manager at work when you have a manager that comes in late doesn't know what they're doing is erratic it's hard for the workforce to respect their Authority but when the manager is fantastic you naturally submit so the key is women submit to men that they respect so it's important to get their respect first and how you get their respect is having a willingness to walk away when you are being highly disrespected and not allowing them a free pass to bad behavior simply because they look fantastic or simply because they because they're attached to you their behavior is causing the attachment not you you're not just blindly attached so when a behavior is wrong you reduce your attachment rather than increasing it and that way a woman will realize that she has to behave right and be submissive in order to get your most Love Now how does this work for the woman's perspective from the women's perspective is when she has a great partner who she can submit to she can finally relax in life when she choose has a partner that she respects he makes great decisions he's um a great he's very protective he's not stupid like she can't manipulate him she can't like him she's forced to be a better person and she can also relax a little bit when she has kids she knows that she can trust him with some of the decision- making and she doesn't have to be in this mode of where she's lying and hiding things she can actually be her authentic self because she's chosen somebody who sees her for who she truly is and has chosen correctly but when she chooses somebody who's naively selected her simply because of her appearance or has believed all her lies in the process to get the relationship she has to maintain the act for the rest of the relationship and it gets exhausting so my understanding of what you're saying and I'm tying that into what I've seen currently like in the dating area is there's this trend online where girls say if I go to the airport I don't want to have to think about anything and I I don't know if you've seen that turn off I see like these like shorts and stuff and it's like a girl filming a guy and he's carrying all the luggage and he's like stressed out he's like okay well we got to get to this gate by this time we got to go get a Starbucks over here because we didn't have like caffeine this morning and the girls just kind of like never seen this I don't know I don't know what side the wrong side of totally different Alum I've seen it on like dating apps too like girls have said what I'm looking for a man to like take care of the airport or something like that yeah and that's why that's that's why it's so so important to be a woman man that she can't manipulate because here's what it is if if for example I'm manipulating you and I'm stealing and I'm like telling you what you want to hear just so that I can get a free trip to Vegas or just so I can get free accommodation and you catch me talking to my ex and I'm like no no no no he just came over to drop something and you know he left within an hour the moment you can't spot the threats that I'm positioning to you I'm I'm going to think that you can't spot the threats when we are going to the airport you're not going to realize what's going on or when somebody is asking for money and investment in the future and you're not spotting the threats in this or when somebody is saying um you know taking us down the wrong path and the driver you're not going to be able to say to the driver no no you're going down the wrong way so if you can't spot it in us we think you can't spot it in general and therefore we can't turn our brains off that's what it feels like in what situations should the man submit to the woman um there are always occasions where women have far more knowledge than a man in a certain area particularly when it comes to children when it comes to families they should be more intell emotionally intelligent you submit to a woman when her requests are super reasonable and they benefit the relationship and what I mean by this like for example with my husband I might say I'm not very good at prolonged periods apart I'm just not good at it I'm not good at somebody who's like okay you go away for a week I go away for a week no worries I'll see you at the end of the week I'm not it's not natural for me I need constant connection he might not find that easy at first he might think that's a bit annoying that I have to keep checking in and calling her cuz she feels uncomfortable but if he knows that that he just going to make me calmer and it's going to help me and it's going to make me calmer and it's going to make me a more submissive wife and it's going to make me feel more loved it's okay to submit to that demand that demand is not like you can't do this and you can't you better give me this or it's not it's not narcissistic demand it's going to smooth out the relationship because I'm more likely to trust you're more likely to trust you it makes us better but when they shouldn't submit is when the demands are only beneficial to one person and that's men and women whereas when the demands Ben benit the relationship overall you both will be happier the relationship will be stronger even if one person's not happy now but overall the relationship will be better it's totally fine to submit man or woman yeah what would you say makes a high value man um I would say generally a high value man is very like of course look I'm not going to deny some men are just built naturally at an advantage a lot of the talk online is like men have to build their value and women are just born with it that's simply not true some men are born 6'4 some men are born totally muscles and all these things some men are born into wealth some men are Bor BN at an advantage so some high value it has some there are some prerequisites that are objective that can be unfair so it could be something like the the money they make or the the lifestyle the upbringing might put them in a higher value or things like you know their weight and stuff like that all of those things matter objectively those things matter psychologically speaking I think what really makes a man high value is a really high level of self-esteem and self-esteem simply comes from self-respect what self-respect looks like is doing what's best for you even if you want to give into your current desires and what I mean by that is let's say for example this woman is fantastic and she's great sex but you know she's dangerous you know she's chaotic you the man that can't walk away from that woman and Hyper attaches to her is automatically low value because he has allowed one desire to dictate all its Behavior or let's say there's lots of alcohol in the room and he can't resist alcohol and he might be really successful really great but he's such a you know sucker for alcohol and he's addicted to it and he can't overcome that one temporary desire for his long-term goals high value men can suppress some of their current desires for their long-term vision of themselves whether that's food whether it's um how they spend their money it's whether the women they select they have the ability to practice self-control in different areas of their life it's she's talking about me which is cting image it's weird are you describing me but I would imagine you do have self-control because it's hard to build something this high without it but here's where high value men get it wrong they have incredible self control in business terrible with women and you have to be holistically high value and what I mean by that is it can't stop when you leave the office your level of self-control and your level of self- resect you don't throw it out the window and then go home to a wife that's abusive or a woman that transactional and uses you and abuses you it has to extend to every area of your life and and particularly outside of the boardroom and what makes a high value woman I would say it's a bit look again I know it sounds it's going to sound Politically Incorrect but Beauty is essential to be high value as a woman not because I believe it but because this is what men respond to in order for for men for you to have high value Without Beauty unfortunately you're limited in your value and so and also I'm not saying everybody has to be high value but beauty doesn't necessarily just mean that you have to be the most attractive person in the room it's just that you take care of your appearance that means you stay on top of your weight to some extent and that means you stay in top of your appearance you dress as well as you can you don't you know you carry yourself well um you can't be totally out of shape and totally not take care of yourself and expect to be high value because you've got a degree in obr material or something you've got a great job it doesn't work that way you it's what men respond to so appearance is really important but the main thing I would say to be a high value woman is though you've got appearance and though you've got so many options when it comes to men you reject more men than you accept you're always you have ability to reject attention hi value women can reject attention and verbal attention from men all day every day compliments mean nothing attention means nothing because they look for something more valuable than that and they know that talk is cheap so high value women you can't get them through you can't buy them and you can't get them through just words they have to be attracted to who you are as a human being so if you are a man who's such a mess and you got no self-control You' got nothing going on in your life and you got a beautiful woman she's still not high valued because if she was truly high value she wouldn't have selected you high value women would be looking at your choices in your life and they would be choosing a man who makes really good decisions has really good self-control treats her really well so they have really high selection process so they take care of themselves they have a really high selection process and you can't buy them through attention and money and I would say those are the main ingredients of course nurture is really important naturally nurturing and caring is really important if she's not family orientated I know that sounds a bit like you know oldfashioned but family or orientated and nurturing women naturally enjoy looking after the the men they with now it seems like you have a lot of very traditional values and opinions where did that come from and how do you think that fits into society today which has rejected a lot of that you know it's so bizarre because I was born and raised in London I was born and raised in London but my parents are from Pakistan from Kashmir which is a very traditional area in Pakistan and I was always I just for some reason even though I grew up in London I'm Muslim as well I was just always very much identified with my culture so I'd always get Fai with um alternative views but my parents were so strict I almost didn't have a choice I had to stay quite traditional I wasn't allowed out late I wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend or anything like that so I was always and I never drank alcohol so I had these restrictions and I had this religious Faith so inste I think what happened with my mind is because I wasn't allowed to do all the things that everybody else was doing I found mental justifications for why the way I live my life is better or why it's better for me so what happened is I had to constantly challenge what Society was telling me and so because society would say to me oh you should be sleeping around you should be doing this and I wasn't allowed to I had these two completely conflicting doctrines and then I had to PR my own decision- making and mine just usually drifted towards more the traditional route so I was confronted with the opposite of what I was being told at home and I had to form my own judgment and that's why I'm kind of Against the Grain when it comes to my culture because I was sorry against like the world the Western culture because I used to identify more with my Eastern values do you think one is better than the other overall um yeah going to be biased I'm be biased here but like what are the benefits of being I'm going to be bied because I have fames that are far more traditional than I am I actually very liberal and by my family standard because you know I I still I don't cover up and and stuff so I'm still very um you know somewhat modern but I would say the only thing that I see is a difference and I think that is better for mental health is in eastern culture their value is not derived by extrinsic vales and what I mean by that is is they're less likely to base their selfworth on looks money sex vices They Don't Really base their self-esteem on Pleasure they're more likely to base their self-esteem on duty have I got married have I got kids have I given money to my parents have I supported everybody in my like area and my tribe have I contributed to society so because their selfworth becomes more communal I think it's better for my self-esteem if I drift more towards those values what's really interesting is when I was doing research into you really bored you can be honest it must I loved it I loved it it's very applicable to me so it actually I you know it helps a lot Jack is taking notes yeah absolutely when I was I'm going to review this plenty of times when I was taking notes I decided to call up a few women my age that were single to ask them like what are their thoughts what's their perspective you know in dating uh in the Modern Age I suppose and every single time they brought up H I hate this whole like high value low value thing yeah which is really interesting because I think like colloquially it's kind of turned into a little bit more of a toxic thing but I also think that it's inaccurate to say that a small percentage of guys and a small percentage of women get most of the attention so why do you think people have such a Negative response to more traditional values in this sense like why do you think people are gravitating towards something that you would say is ineffective uh because it's quicker that's all it is it's far quicker it's far quicker to say to yourself I know I'll be a high value manager I'll just get a girl half my age she'll be super hot and I'll buy her if I have to and then I can walk into a room and then I can be known as a high value man or I quickly you know make a few bucks whether I do it in a corrupt way through or like scamming people or if I just do it you know sell a few things whatever it is it's quicker so people are looking for things that are quicker but the your there's a lot of Truth in what you're saying it's it doesn't make sense that only top people are getting um matches or getting relationships because most people get relationships the top people I think have it harder to find people and FInd matches so I think um what's happened is um social media has become a lot of people's source of human interaction you can call your friends and quickly say Do you believe this and she'll say no that's some nonsense and you can dismiss what you saw on social media a lot of people social media is their only access to opinions and therefore they think this is why the world is living but when you have more real life engaging conversations with actual people you realize all this high value low value stuff is real nonsense do you think dating is more difficult today for men or women um I would say it's the hardest time for good women to find a partner and I would say that it's I think good women have it the hardest I think corrupt women have it really great I think corrupt men have it really great good women have it really hard and good men so what is it about corruption that maybe makes it a little bit smoother it's highly rewarded and what I mean by this is if if a woman online decides to sell a body part she will get highly rewarded for it she will be flown out to countries she didn't even know existed by the time she's 19 20 years old she can go on a private jet by the time she's 23 and she will have bags clothes it's so hyper rewarded for being corrupt as a woman so so rewarded by Men by men in society and I was scrolling once on Instagram and I saw this woman that just looked it looked really bizarre like really huge you know like really big it looked like a caricature and I was like this is wild and I clicked on it and there's six million followers and I thought that would be about 5 million men that are following that whereas if you look at a woman who's just doing recipes who's teaching kids she's got nothing online she's not going to Happ that yeah but isn't it quality versus quantity in that case is but you got to see why men's attention is being directed and who their resources are being directed towards I in a very unique position I've been saying this a lot and I know it's going to be misinterpreted I'm in a very unique position where I am a woman who has a lot of access to uh male sub subscribers and without showing my body but it's nothing compared to women who show their body yeah but I feel like it's the equivalent of let's say getting 10 million views on Tik Tok versus a 100,000 views on YouTube like the 100,000 views on YouTube is way more valuable it's more valuable but I'm for me I'm totally fine with that TR of but you it tells you what men are willing to invest in more so if I'm somebody I'm personally totally fine with that I'm all praise be to God very grateful for my exposure and the whatever it is that I do get from it but let's take the woman that is just trying to make a buck or just trying to get through life or he's just trying to you know there's more broken homes than ever before there's all that or is just being indoctrinated by social media what is she going to think am I going to follow the sardia psychology route of like going through years of education and then trying this that and the other and then going online or am I going to follow the rout of every girl I know who just posts a bikini picture and gets flown out to santra yeah but my thought is that in defense of some of those people it works I mean there's obviously such a big market for it and if you're rewarded for those things and it benefits you why wouldn't you go down that's my point I think it's that that that's why corruption has it really great but a good woman who's not willing to sacrifice her self-respect who doesn't want to be flown out but does want a good wants a a high valy man or whatever who wants a good relationship she's being overlooked no is it possible to still do those things but not be corrupted no like let's just say you're in your room you don't get on a private jet you're not but you're like you're posting pictures um like is it it's still possible to M I think so I think so as long as you don't you're not responsive to the advances I think once you've gotten the private jet and yet there's a oneway street you're not going to go from private jet to coach so is it that like once you experience those things you can never like downgrade that level of expectation are the same sexually once they experience something sexually it's very difficult for them to go backwards women want some women not all of them once they experience a level of lifestyle is very difficult for them to go backwards once they experience a level of commitment from men isn't that the true with with guys too it's like once you get used to a certain size of house like I went from 800 square ft and I moved into a place that was 1,800 ft wow to me that was massive like that 1800t house was more space than I knew what to do with then I moved from that to 4,000 ft and I thought 4,000 that's massive now it's now I've run out of space yeah so I feel like even for men you just get used to it's just a human nature thing like you get used different level of stimulation and a different level of attention the problem is when you're used to attention from thousands of men to adapting to attention of one man becomes difficult yeah when I'm used to um you know let's say I post a picture and thousands of men comment thousands of men tell me I'm fantastic or whatever it is and then going from that level of stimulation and attention to one man being able to provide that level it becomes a different playing field so it becomes harder to adapt to what about for men couldn't couldn't the same be said about men going on let's say Instagram and seeing thousands of women there uh that get the most likes and physically the most attractive because they're get pushed to the top of the algorithm couldn't that also skew a guy's perception absolutely when you speak to men and ask them which women had them the most on a choke hold which woman had them the most they'll always focus on the woman that they found the most attractive or the one that gave them the best sexual experience very rarely will they focus on the woman that treated them the best and if they do focus on that girl they say she was a lovely girl can't say a word about her that was bad but it just didn't work out but the girl that had them that treated them badly but as long as she gave them the best sex she'll be the one that they think about for years on end so it happens to men in reverse and that's why corruption is being rewarded because women are learning very quickly that the quickest route to reward from men is by selling yourself and that's unfortunate because sex sells sadly and that's the unfortunate lesson that we're teaching young girls but before we go into that this portion of the video is sponsored by range overover sport because as you guys know I'm an absolute fanatic when it comes to cars so much so that I even have one on display in my office and if you're looking for a sporting luxury car that's powerful on the road Dynamic by Design and truly embodies the essence of Automotive Excellence that I'm proud to introduce something very special the Range Rover Sport the third generation Range Rover Sport is the most desirable Advanced and dynamically capable yet it leads by example with powerful on-road performance and commanding allterrain capability with its striking design and unmistakable presence it is the epitome of both performance and luxury combined inside you'll discover Advanced Technologies like active noise cancellation cabin air purification and the award-winning PIV Pro infotainment system which provides intuitive control over the entire vehicle by the way Graham talk about those 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relationship with good intentions who are trust their partner like as you should and who don't think that women are playing all these games and don't think there's all this competition they are taught to just be like you know be they don't want to be toxic so what will happen is if she is doing some disrespectful Behavior the good man who's just generally just trying to have a good relationship will think it's mean of me to have too many boundaries they'll think it's mean of of me to tell her that I don't really feel comfortable with her going on so many girls trips they kind of just want to be like good and they say allow and as a result they get mistreated similarly good women who just want a good relationship they don't lead with sex they don't lead with enticing men and as a result they don't retain the men's attention for as long because look if a good woman wants to go online to meet a man she might say I really want to get to know him first before I sleep with him unfortunately she's competing with girls that will sleep with them on the first night and she's competing with girls that will you know send nudes on the first after couple pictures she she doesn't stand a chance simly a good man is competing with potentially all the men on the in on Instagram and stuff so those two people tend to have it the hotest is it not a turn off for some guys though to get like photos like that or to have let's say their their first date advance so quickly and the guy is kind of thinking oh this isn't marriage material because like I've heard a lot of that you would think that but it depends on the quality of the sex they get from the girl if it's fantastic sex they forget their their standards of what they're looking for and I'll be honest with you that's what I experienced because they always say no it's a bit of a turnoff blah blah but it depends how much they attach to the go and the experience if they really liked it they'll forget everything that they normally stand for so one thing you said earlier in the podcast for guys is that sex is very important physical attraction physical touch and stuff like that but that coupled with support yes why do you think support specifically is so important for men because they don't receive it from each other as much they receive it on a shallow level so what I mean by that is they might support each other in business or they might support each other in a sporting event but they don't actually know what each other are going through very few will say like I'll say to even to my partner I'll say oh how's your friend he was going through that divorce is he okay he's like I don't know he seemed fine at football and I like did you not ask it and he's like he seemed fine he wasn't crying I was like he's not going to cry but what is he okay and it's even with funerals I'll be like how is that person is he okay I know his dad passed away I he was posting on Twitter so I think he's fine I'm like no ask him and he just doesn't have those conversations with him sounds like me and I'm worried about him seems fine to me he's like he seemed fine and I was like he's like I didn't ask and I'm like but why didn't you ask you know he's going through a divorce and he's like I didn't ask him and I was like okay see but I tend to think that if it's important the other person will bring it up no that's what I why they why don't they uh because they assume they're burdening you if they say it they assume that they're they look we actually enjoy hearing each other's problems it's a form of bonding for us as girls for men they assume if you can't fix the problem what's the point of me telling you it so they just think okay my mom passed away God forbid if that ever happens to someone they think me telling you about it you can't bring her back so what's the point of me telling you so they don't speak to people whereas for women we still know that the support is helping us fix it and there just some listening is helping so they're too problem solving and not enough emotional dependency when it comes to men so they really do you need that sort of emotional dependency with with other men let's just say because very the way where like something's me and I know I can't fix it uh it's tough for me to bring it up sometimes they will but usually it's just like unless I really need to get it off my TR usually it's just like it's not worth talking about I understand in a lot of if you're not going to use men for that which a lot of men don't then you definitely need in your partnership and in your relationship and because they don't need to speak to other men about it this is why support is so important from their woman and if they don't get that emotional support and they don't get that emotional intimacy they are always trying to fill that empty hole and usually they think that they just want other women because they just want novel sex but really they want a novel feeling of being seen and heard by somebody else if they're deprived of them that's fascinating when we're using the term high value man high value woman and stuff like that do you think that there are any misguided uh contributors to those things so for example like when you imagine like a quote unquote high value man high value woman is there something that they're kind of getting wrong like do do people when they imagine all the contributing factors to a high value man high value woman are any of those factors the generally understood factors incorrect I I think particularly the relationship with women either the idea that to have multiple women or to have women that are you know half their age and Hyper attractive it's the women part that I find really really like contradictory I think truly high value is the ability to ward off alternatives to focus on your marriage and create a home for your children that is high value because because there's a legacy that you're hoping to create with children where they get it wrong is that you can have multiple girls on a yacht you can sleep around in this that and the other and I always say to men if you're sleeping around then you're potentially planting your seeds in low value women so imagine being a man where this random girl in this city that girl city that she they're all carrying your babies and they're allowing other men into their world or they're raising the child in a way that you don't agree with essentially your legacy is being depleted so I think that the real misconception when it comes to high value men is the idea of endless women sleeping around loads and loads being frivolous with who you're sleeping with enjoying every pleasure there is the life has to offer and that makes you a high value man but I think it's actually foregoing pleasure for your long-term goals that is actually more likely to make you a high value man particularly with the women selection because unlike women women we get to choose who we have children with in this day and age with pregnancies and abortions and contraceptive we get to choose as a man my body my choice means you have no say so if you're a truly high value man and you've got millions to Lo and you get the wrong woman pregnant for the rest of your life you are serving jail time emotionally and financially with that woman you have far more to lose you have to be so strict with who you're touching it's fascinating that you say that the man has to be willing to walk away yes and then that is kind of his leverage in order to like be able to keep the whatever frame that he is set in the beginning of the relationship don't you think that it would be hard for a guy in a loving relationship in a true soulmate to actually wrestle with the fact that hey I might have to believe this or do you think it's more of just like playing the game I'm going to fake kind of leaving so she kind of like has to reel her back in uh no the soulmate should be determined by the person's level of love and respect for you if that is being compromised she's not your soulmate anymore and where people get it wrong is they attach the word soulmate to an individual regardless of that individual's behavior and then make it work because they're loyal to the courts this is my soulmate but the soulmate should be somebody who genuinely loves and respects and is loyal to you if those things are being compromised you have to change your mindset and say this is no longer my soulmate I might continue this relationship but this is no longer my soulmate and we don't even need the word Soul meate so I have to either I stay but I re-evaluate this person and realize that they have the ability to hurt me in a way I didn't think they did or I walk away now and remain somewhat less hurt than I might be in the future because usually when we forgive unforgivable I'm not saying everybody's bad like I require a lot of forgiveness because I'll be rude and I'll be disrespectful particularly when I'm on my period And so I'm not saying you'd be perfect but there are some deal breakers and if I do the deal breakers and my husband still stays with me unfortunately he is attaching to his imagination of who I truly am not who I really am he needs to reframe who Sadia Khan is and ask himself do I love this new person that she shown me to be and is this new person my soulmate if the answer is yes I still am a soulmate with somebody who might have done x y and Zed perfect but if the new soulmate is not somebody you truly truly can trust and be with forever you have to have a willingness to walk away you mentioned deal breakers what's the difference between deal breakers red flags and ick I love that that is such a great question okay ick is from a female perspective it's something that a man does quite early on in your relationship that makes you question his masculinity and it just gives you the ick and you don't realize that that's what it is so it might be something really early on that I I know girls that will say something like or he wore something that was just way too tight and it just it just signaled not masculine or something like that when you've had enough love for a person you've developed enough connection it goes away he becomes ick proof then it just becomes a bit annoying and a bit more red flags then you become so ick is more attraction based and it's more that as it gets to red flags is when you're actually considering being with them you're actually in a relationship you're in the dating stage and so on and so forth you're actually considering this can go serious red flags are things that everybody's are different but ones are things that would potentially cause you to end the relationship at some stage or could potentially lead to a behavior that you would find unacceptable in the future so it might be a red flag if I have a partner who's always cheated on every woman he's been with it's a bit of a red flag because that could potentially lead to a problem or it might be a red flag that this P person is really close to their ex a bit of a red flag deal breakers when they actually act on those behaviors and then it's the final stra do you think there are certain deal breakers that everyone should have or should deal breakers be subjective to to the person uh um I think it would be nice if you would make your deal breaker your treatment if everybody could make their treatment like how they're being treated it would be important but some people they're so difficult partners that they kind of get poor treatment as well so I do think it's individualized and the reason I say it's more individualizes there's so many men that will come to me and they've cheated on their wife so many times that when she cheats on him he doesn't know if it's a deal breaker anymore because he's done it so many times himself so he almost is like should I forgive this I normally objectively you would say cheating is a deal breaker but when you've done it so many times you lose direction on whether or not you can forgive him so the more misbehavior you engage in the less clear your deal breakers get by you behaving in a way that's respectful for the relationship the deal breakers become very very clear and you know what you deserve and what you don't deserve when you misbehave a lot the deal breakers get modeled what do you think are really good red flags that if you're a guy or if you're a girl that you should check yourself to see if you have any so then you can write these wrongs apply corrective Behavior because maybe no one's ever told you before or also good red flags to look for in a partner the main thing is if we good red flags you mean green flags green flags well like like good red flags to try to detect so then you can ah okay to detect okay it's it sounded like good red flags like green flags red flags to bear in mind like how do you know if you're the problem here here's how you know that you're the problem every time you come out of a relationship you can list exactly what the other person did wrong and not pay attention to what you did wrong you're the problem if you come out of every relationship and he's a narcissist she's a narcissist this person's a problematic and you can't list even one thing you've done wrong in the relationship you are the problem and usually when and I know I get a lot of stick for this but when someone comes to me and they say so and so is a narciss so and so is I know automatically you're the problem because that label even if somebody is an ass so many people experience that that label automatically rids you of accountability he did this he did that he did did that she did this she did so when you come with that mindset you haven't reflected on the dynamic that created one person to take advantage of your own kindness so it's the ability to come out of a relationship by saying I did this wrong I messed up I know I shouldn't have done this I know I shouldn't have ignored that I I I those people are definitely more green flags but somebody who can just tell you everything their partner did wrong should finish that sentence with but I should have also realized this earlier I shouldn't have paid more attention and that person is far more reflective and what was the other part of the question is a is red flags to look for in another person to determine okay like like you know are they a good match for me I would say the same kind of thing if somebody come if you meet somebody I think the biggest great red flag is a lack of accountability and their inability to be transparent they're not telling you what they did wrong and they're not accountable transparency is a really important trait and what I mean by that is you could be filled with red flags I can say to you look I'm I've got a terrible temper I you know I can swear during an argument I can be really rude blah blah blah but my transparency at least shows you that I'm allowing you to make an informed decision people who are not transparent are the real issue so I would use transparency as a detector of good or bad behavior you could be a serial killer but if you tell people what you are at least you're not manipulating them it's the LI it's the inability to be transparent that I think is really difficult but aren't there certain situations where it makes sense not to be fully transparent let's say you're the girl that you're talking to is asking you questions about previous experiences that you've had with women and you know for a fact that this is just going to cause an argument it doesn't make any sense to talk about it like you love this girl with your entire heart maybe this will even threaten the relationship if you bring up these things that you regret and you hate and you're just so in love with this woman what do you do in a circumstance I agree with you I do think sometimes some problems are more troubl than they're worth um it's you can Reveal Your nature but not what you actually did so you can say oh in this relationship I was such a nightmare I because she was like somebody I wasn't really into I used to end up going out a lot and coming home late like it was a problem that I was having but you don't have to say I slept with her friend and I was texting her friend you don't have to give too much inform if she starts asking though what do you say like I did some things I don't regret I don't want to talk about I don't like thinking about it you just say like I should have know I I I just know next time I will never do stuff like that again I'll won't pick up somebody or I won't be in that situation as long as you are actually being honest about that because even when people have caught their partner cheating one thing a lot of therapists recommend which I don't recommend is they say you have to tell your partner every detail they say You' got to tell your partner where where it was who it was with what every detail I highly highly go against that because it causes too much trauma you can't Uno but why even stay with the cheating spouse to me I I don't know for me I guess it's a boundary that wouldn't even be considered like I just can't see a reality where I'd be like all right you cheated well all right let's work on this it doesn't even seem of course we don't have children so we've got that luxury of being able to have a very you know objective reality but I would say even with children the reason they stay is very little to do with their love for their partner and a lot more to do with their lack of love for themselves they don't know if they can meet somebody again they don't know if that they that they're you want to have options or Alternatives they don't know how they would cope without this partner and sometimes it's more they want to control the cheating partner and make sure that that partner doesn't move on so fast so it's more it's the intentions aren't always clean now some women and some men have very clean intentions when they forgive cheating and it's more just to keep the family alive and to keep it all there but I do wonder if everybody knew that they were going to be fine if they left their cheating partner would they stay and I think most people would leave if they knew they would be totally fine so it's a lack of knowledge of knowing what the other side of life would look like I'm not saying you have to break up with everybody that cheats on you because in this day and age everybody would then be divorced but I'm just saying be aware that they'll have the potential to do it again if you do forgive them on the topic of transparency as well if your wife partner whatever is starting to like let's say show some age or something like that and she starts asking you am I am I starting to look old do I still look the same as in the beginning of the relationship and stuff like that how do you address topics like that if they are starting to age and you can notice these differences and I feel like they're kind of like asking a question that they don't necessarily want to know the answer to here's how women want to receive that we want honesty but we want to know you're still attracted to us and what I mean by that is I might say to my partner have I gained weight or whatever it is and I want them to give the honest answer I want them to give the honest answer but I want to still feel secure that you're still attracted to me regardless and you're still attracted to me in this moment but your advice is for me to work out a bit more or your advice is maybe to you know um get some facials or whatever it is to work on your skin whatever it is your advice is still objectively you might need to do this but the attraction hasn't been compromised where women get sensitive is when they think or feel that you are no longer attracted to them and then they feel like they're fighting a losing battle so as long as you reassure and you still show attraction and attraction is like initiating um affection it's saying nice things but also for affection then she feels secure in receiving the information but if you've never given affection you give no compliments whatsoever you don't initiate any physical contact and then you give her criticism she's going to take it very negatively and then how would you start that dialogue without her asking the question um you can a reminder of how beautiful a particular time she looked or how great she used to look at that particular time without being insulting so so do remember that day when you wore that you looked amazing do you remember that and you just remind them of how great and how much their potential is but I do think it's important to have these conversations with your wife because when you just allow her to become and men and women I think both people when you allow your partner to become somebody you're not attracted to and you don't remind them that this is a problem you are going to build up resentment towards your partner you're going to naturally feel a bit colder towards them you're not going to resolve conflict you're not going to be as affectionate towards them you're you're creating distance in the relationship so if you can find a way to both ask be good at receiving that information but also giving it really important in the relationship do you do you as men do you get nervous telling women when they're looking different or not great uh yeah yeah definitely that that was a big one for me uh because I was always kind of like taught or not really taught but I always had the the idea if if you always SM with compliment yeah what do you think of this I love it um Macy would be able to see through that pretty quick my fiance see through that pretty quickly and it became an issue early on that I said something where I was like yeah great or I forget exactly what the context she's like honestly I need to be 100% I was like I don't and then we went down this path she's like I always want you to be honest so now I've just become like brutally honest but that was a muscle that I really had to learn it was incredibly uncomfortable for me to say see I feel like if if it's a friend you don't have that sort of emotional connection where it's like you know Jack walks in just unprompted be like Jack I hate that awful in that that is the worst haircut I've ever seen what is that mustache I how dare but like you know it's someone you really love it's it's hard to like to say something but here's the thing it's long-term thinking the truth is going to establish more long-term connection and long-term connection um intimacy lying shortterm will just please a partner in the short term it will avoid conflict in the short term but it will create conflict in the long term sorry sorry in the short term you will avoid conflict but in the long term you'll create conflict so when you have to be honest with your partner just remember I'm being honest with you because I see a future with you I no I don't want this to reoccur in the future when you're trying to please your partner in the in the moment firstly women can see through it that you're just being a people pleaser and therefore she values your opinion less and the reason why that's important is if I know my partner is going to compliment me regardless his compliments mean less to me and then if I'm in a vulnerable state another man's compliment might mean more to me because I've kind of got desensitized to my partners in like just people pleasing whereas if he's honest with me his compliments still hold weight and his opinion still holds weight so honest is has to be the backbone behind all feedback what if it's immutable changes like you just you can't fix it like let's I'm trying to think of something that would offend literally nobody boobs after breastfeeding or something let's say like let's say you you don't like your girlfriend's big Burly bony Knuckles and you're like okay they're just your knuckles are too big I'm not a huge fan of them never have been like is that something that's even worth bringing up because you can't you you as a person on who's doing the judging has to prioritize how important that is to you and focus on the things that you love and appreciate because you can agree objectively that you're probably fixating on things that can't be changed so the better thing to do is focus on the things that you enjoy about your partner so you mentioned boobs after breastfeeding yeah are there certain things that are like hurdles that every relationship has to go through throughout you know like let's say a 40 yearlong relationship okay after a certain time maybe you know you lose symmetry maybe like something happens like certain like Staples that relationships will have to address um sadly it's children yeah children seems to be the biggest hurdle coup's face in creating a long-lasting relationship and which you would think is would be the opposite because what it does is it does two opposing things it ties you in for life but the same time pushes you away in terms of your emotional intimacy with each other so now you're stuck with this person forever because regardless you have children so now you're stuck with them forever but your actual connection has been compromised so the resentment grows because mostly women obviously they the body's been through so much they can't be there for you physically as much as a man can he can pick up and be back to bedroom Behavior the next day women can't so he has to be very patient and some women especially when they first start breastfeeding and start attaching their child they get so focused on the child as they should that they it leaves very little room to kind of reconnect with their partner they're just so exhausted and stuff so the disconnect gets bigger and bigger and then what happens with men is they become more loyal to the woman because loyal on the surface because they're like I'm never breaking up my home but they can become more disloyal sexually that that's when they start to compartmentalize far more than they ever did before before all their needs would be met with one woman when she becomes a mother they mentally can compartmentalize and say all my emotional needs all my dedicated my loyalties with her but that tiny thing that I need usually sexual I'll Outsource it so it's a scary time how common is that cuz I've never heard of of that to that degree of like compartmentalizing like you know your wife and children and bedroom activity like I've never heard that before it's very common in men who prioritize sex over commitment so it just depends on your man's relationship with sex if you want a loyal loving man for through thick and thin you choose men whose priority in life is not just sex they literally see the bigger picture they understand that yes of course every man likes it and whatever it is but they understand that the sacrifice of Outsourcing it is an entire family and a connection and they're not to make that sacrifice other men their entire decision making revolves around him so you have a look at I always say to women if you want to know if your man is going to be faithful or Unfaithful have a look at his relationship with sex what is it like is he one of those people that can constantly Outsource it constantly stimulated by pornography constantly watching girls online needs it one night down one night time one night down what happens is that man finds it okay to compartmentalize but if you find a man who actually likes relationships actually likes connections actually likes female friends he has female relationship outside of sex doesn't just sexualize every woman he can get through those tough times quite easily it's not easy but he can get through those tough times one of the big things when I was doing research on like hot relationship topics or hot dating takes is uh how common it is for guys to get friend zoned and how frustrated a lot of guys seem to seem to be when they go on a date and they feel this pressure to make a move very early on and Signal interest otherwise there's this belief they get zoned so how do you guys from getting friendzoned um some a lot of the time men friendzone themselves and how they friendzone themselves is they desexualize themselves yeah they desexualize themselves and what I mean by this is there'll be some men that you can't friendzone because they constantly remind you not just that you're beautiful and you're great but they remind you that there's some sexual interest in you so they'll remind you that they have some chemistry with you they might say to you oh God damn you look great today oh my God he's a lucky man they give you that signal that they find you sexually attractive friends are in men will either never say anything or when they do say it they say it the same way they would a woman would say a compliment like I like your dress or that your hair looks nice they say the same things a female could have done so what happens is they desexualize I'm not saying you need to sexualize and become really perverted or anything but this is just what happens with friendzone and the other thing that men friendzone men do is they spend too much time around women who are not showing physical interest in them they're spending too much time investing in women who haven't signaled attraction to them men that avoid with the friend zone is they gear themselves naturally towards women they can see are attracted to them there's some level of mutual attraction friendzone men will look for women that they're attracted to but are not paying attention to whether she's physically how do you know if she's into you or not into you I think that's the one thing guys I think universally are all like I had no idea she was into me or I had no idea like you just have no clue I would say one indicator is you have to polarize a woman if she and what I mean by that is you have to put her in a position where she's either forced to show that she's interested or not interested and it could be as simple as you walk quite close to her and if you see that she's leans in she's probably connected to you but if you walk closer if you lean in and you can see immediately she goes somewhere else the attraction isn't there so it's more of a case of you put her in a position to see you polarize her is she going to go towards you or she's going to lean towards you or lean against you and that signals um attraction and it could and physical affection is really important as well so what I mean by that is even little things like body language if they're sitting on a sofa they'll lean in towards you they'll make that eye contact they allow you to put your hand on their thigh or whatever it is but if everything is pulling away there's probably not that natural attraction there alcohol can blur that though I can see when people drink they they can blur that but generally speaking it's the leaning in or leaning against physical advances do you think that abstinence is a good thing for people sexual abstinence um I think it's only if you define it including pH porography some men will abstain from women but they use pornography on a regular basis and that would actually be worse I think it's probably I think abstinence to pornography is more important than abstinence to actual women and the reason being is actual women still give you a realistic perception of what connection looks like what connection is required and the activity that's required in order to get outcome pornography allows you to get all of the outcome without any of the work so that is a dangerous abstinence if you're just using pornography uh the most important abstinence is pornography and if you can abstain from physical relationships I think it's not that I'm saying you can never touch a woman but touch women that you would be relatively happy if worst case scenario they got pregnant you'd be relatively okay like you wouldn't be ideal but she's not the worst woman in the planet when you drop your standards too low and you start sleeping with women on such a low level what will happen is just because you want sex what will happen is when you meet a woman just slightly above the low level you're used to you fall madly in love your standard starts to drop you start to get used to a lower standard of woman when you keep your standards High the woman that it takes to marry you will still have to be High Caliber but if you're a man that's sleeping around all day every day all it has to be is she has to be slightly above the low level you're used to and you glorify her so it's really important to keep your standards High because she's going to be the mother of your children but before we get into that I'm sure you guys can tell that the studio we filmed this episode in is rented and to be honest it is quite expensive to do that if you want to make content and on top of that this studio that we filmed fil in our home studio is expensive as well I mean each camera and lens together are over $5,000 I don't even want to think about it to be honest but if you're looking to get started and you want to create highquality content it doesn't have to be this expensive and our sponsor streamyard is there to help for those una aware streamyard is a Content creation and live streaming platform that allows you to create high quality content with just the click of a button all you need is a camera and an internet connection and you can stream content directly from your browser personally what I like the most about them is that they allow you to stream throughout multiple social media platforms at the same time to maximize your reach so you could go live on Instagram and Facebook and Linkedin and YouTube all at the same time we've also been using them for about four or five years now and have absolutely loved them we've had zero issues whatsoever and anytime we do a live stream or anything streamyard is the only 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you were once attracted to and you don't become their friend if she's friends on you no problem there's plenty of room for friendships in your life I think some of the most valuable friendships you can have is with women and if you were once attracted to them and you became friends with them you get insight into their opinion on men you get insight into the women that you find attractive how they think so i' I've had men many like when I was younger and stuff that may have had an initial attraction and then we became friends but by me staying in their life we give each other so much feedback I like do you remember you did that oh my God that was so creepy why did you do that why did you why didn't you just say this do you feel like that's a true friendship because you always hear those those things on Tik Tok or Instagram where they call they had the woman call for like Guy best friend like hey uh I'm single now do you want to go on a date all the guys are like yeah would love to I think the the truth behind a friendship is the boundaries you established and the key is you wouldn't make that phone call the key is you wouldn't go to their house at that time of night cuz a lot of men would be like oh yeah what if you called them in the middle of the night and said that you this I was like but the key to the Friendship is we wouldn't do that yeah but I but but in a hypothetical the door is still open for the guy and the guy would always say yes and the girl would say no well I think it's pretty important much cut to the chase yeah I'm sure I'm sure they would like here's the in my personal experience I'm a bit of an anomaly like that because I'm very good at friend zoning myself to the point where my male friends cannot sexualize me anymore because they know me so well I know them so well it's such a different kind of vibe so I understand I'm an anomaly I do believe that perhaps that could happen in any circumstance but the key to of friendships is that the friendship means more than the attraction if there was any attraction and that's what makes a true friendship the Friendship itself is more important than the attraction and you want to keep them in your life more than you want to sleep with them and that's I think I think that's true but I think when when a guy comes in initially with that expectation of I want a date I find you highly attractive and then the guy gets friend zoned feel like as soon as that door is opened or if it's ever opened because there was that initial spark of Attraction I mean granted what what if in the process of becoming a friend you learn so much about her that you find unattractive I the reason I think it's really important like like okay I I I I love the Insight I think this is a place where we would disagree I do think it's possible for guys and girls to be friends but I'm saying this is a generalization so light me up in the comments if you want to I would say of guys and girls friendships maybe less than 6% 7% you know what I mean like the guy would say the guy would say no so and even if he does find things very unattractive in the girl the guy still is like they're still friends and guys get attracted to the fact that oh I've got to know this girl really well I feel like I understand her personality and she knows me really well therefore it's like Mr right instead of like you know think it's really important to have human qualities as a criteria for sex and what I mean by that is um yes she might be a really great friend but you if you should have some kind of deal breakers with even the people you sleep with now if I know my friend inside out and I know what he's like and I know that he sleeps with lots of girls on a night out and I know that my friends like might be cheaters or I know that my friends have um I'm not their usual type or I know that they if I know that they've got these traits in them I have certain human qualities as part of my criteria to be with somebody so if a man doesn't have human qualities just the fact that she's saying yes is enough for to jump on that but when he knows that oh God she gets so drunk and she does this with every guy or I know so many guys I've slept with her and it's just a bit off-putting or I don't really need to deal with her in the morning I know she's going to be really emotional when he adds human qualities to the women that even he sleeps with this is possible I think what Jack is getting at is that when both parties are single there's a dynamic there that's slightly changed when one person finds the other attractive that doesn't really change now assuming both people are single if both of them are single it's not really problem that's not really a problematic outcome well I would say it's somewhat of a problem if he's not so forthright about the way that he feels and he is kind of like you know this is after getting friend owned but one thing I would say is lots of women get friendzoned as well there's lots of women out there that have crushes on their male friend hoping that he will become single it's just that they don't talk about it as much so it can be mutual so if you find yourself in positions where your friends you end up hooking up she was also feeling that way for a long time she had to have something initially for you for her to even to go down that route so if you ever are in a position where you know friends become something both of you had this attraction it wasn't one way it wasn't one man getting out of the friend zone it was both of you were had some underlying attraction at some point so it's more reciprocal than men realize so you think it's possible to get out of the friend zone as a guy if she's attracted to you and if she's not attracted to you if she's not attracted you then no there's nothing that you could do I don't think so I think the only thing you can do is wait for her to give up on finding true love and then she might resort to you God that sounds horrible yeah that sound terrible down is that terrible no I mean it's you know if it's accurate it's honest you know I I I would speak for very I'm not saying every woman but I just think if she's solidly friendzoned you and she's been through terrible relationships back and forth back and forth back and forth and you've stayed there and she goes back to you she's coming back to you as a source of comfort rather than actually like seeing you I've only seen it happen once where someone was friendzone like hardcore friendzone and come back this was in high school and uh this was a friend uh that I I guess him and this just trying to keep names vague him and this girl had been friends for like a long time he was Hardcore friend zoned went off to college came back the dude was a stud I'm saying like he just all of a sudden sprouted like a foot in college came back with like a beard got in shape wore like great clothes then they started dating I think that can happen I think you have to reframe and if they see each other but you're not working on yourself to get her back you just happen to be working on yourself and you see each other after a long time it's almost like a fresh start he was a he was a changed I mean you could say everything was changed like his attitude style like everything then I think it definitely can but if he's just consistently waiting in the wings I think it will become a last resort and also you should lose attraction to a woman who's not super attracted to you I think the key thing for a man is to remember that just because you're attracted a part of your attra to her should depend on her attraction to you if she shows you no attraction for a long period of time try and take her off a pedestal don't wait for her but instead realize that you're there's women out there that would love to be with you don't put one girl on a pedestal there's lots of women that would love to be with you and you try and show appreciating to those women it's kind of a change of pace but are daddy issues real yes in men and women more so in men so what does that look like to someone with daddy issues what's the stereotype in women it very much looks like a real need for masculinity and masculine energy and what that would look like is going from relationship to relationship there's very few periods of singlehood with women who have daddy issues and sometimes what it can be is accepting unacceptable Behavior or having hyper expectations from a man one or the other they either because they didn't have a male role model they just accept unacceptable Behavior because they just want a man in their life or if they didn't have a male role model and they were really like started to have a distaste towards men as a result they will have hyper expectations that you have to provide for me you have to do this you have to basically make up for all of the missing holes in my life so they can be on more extreme ends um with women with daddy issues particularly how she frames it men with daddy issues I always say is a slightly more deeper issue that no one talks about men with daddy issues who genuinely dislike them their father they become people Pleasers when it comes to women and they suffer a lot in relationships and what I mean by this is if they just like look some men have really terrible fathers that can happen and I it's justifiable but if they don't internalize it and they just say we had a bad dad whatever it is but if there's some men who just had like just critical fathers you know how fathers can push you and be a bit aggressive and be a bit difficult with you um some men if they mistake that as oh he's such a narcissist oh he's so he's so horrible he's he's not emotionally available what will happen is they over identify with their with women they over identify with their mom they see their mom as this perfect angel and their dad is terrible so when they go into the real world of dating they see women as perfectly Angelic and men are terrible so they'll do everything to please their partner everything so they might realize that you know their wife has cheated on them and instead of thinking well why did my wife do that they' be like who was he he's this stupid and they'll blame the man so they can get disconnected from their masculinity and enter relationships almost as a a girlfriend with a penis for their wife so how do you solve daddy issues is it just being aware of those things and just trying your best to to make that you don't have a gendered way of looking at men and women and what I mean by that is you're not a man who favors women simply because she's a woman you favor people because they treat you well and treat you badly you favor People based on that and you're not a woman that totally hates men just because he's a man you hate and like people according to their treatment of how they are with you so it's making sure you come out into the real world not with an ungendered bias view of human behavior what are the downsides of being a very attractive woman or a man a very attractive a woman is you are automatically disliked by men and women it's an automatic response you get and um people think that all men like you it doesn't always work that way you've got to remember there's a lot of men that resent the women that they can't access and what I mean by that is I see a beautiful woman and because they assume she's not going to like him back they automatically feel especially with this whole red pilm movement they automatically feel like they need to Humble her the the reaction attractive women get is the world thinks that she needs humbling even if she is humble so they feel totally entitled to obliterate her self-esteem there's so much more kind of reaction to when Kylie Jenner posts a picture it's so easy to be like fake disgusting bad lips blah blah blah but when somebody unattractive posts a picture nobody would feel that it's Justified to actually say any of her flaws so what happens is as an attractive person you almost have to go through life being more torn apart for your looks than you are praised because people automatically assume that you need humbling I've noticed that to in real estate um it seems like a lot of the attractive Realtors have trouble being taken seriously by their clients it's it's almost like they have to work twice as hard yeah um to be seen as an equal they do and but the thing is if they want to they can lean into their privilege I'm not saying it's all bad if you want to you can also work a tenth as hard and get the sale because you can lean into a but then you get people pretending that they want to buy a housez I've seen it all and they're with these time waster of clients and and and everyone could see glmer you knowbe there's 5% find they like but then you get people that just want to waste your time constantly just like dates and uh I knew a few realtors that would wear a wedding ring because they would think that hey if I'm at an open house I'm not going to get these fake buyers coming in and even with the ring it it wouldn't make that big of a difference like guys would not care which is wild to me think give a beautiful girl if she was in real estate what advice would you give her how does she you you have to have a great BS detector like that's the one thing and you only get that by getting burned a lot like when I first started uh I was 18 years old and I have a lot of people who would like to work with me because I couldn't tell if they weren't serious or not so if someone wanted to see a $5 million house pretend to be you know a buyer I'd believe them because I had no way of telling the difference between a real buyer and a fake buyer I just the warning signs uh that in hindsight I could look back and be like this person is so fake every time they start talking about themselves oh I do this and I do this I'm looking for a house for like the real buyers are so quiet the real buyers are like I am in this price point I want this specific area if it doesn't fit this I'm not going to waste my time I'm really busy I can't see the house until like this time and it's two like those are the real buyers true the fake ones are just like oh I want to see this oh that's okay too and they'll just it's usually people talking about themselves nonstop and trying to Hype themselves up and like so as a beautiful if you want to avoid those kind of time with just remember that the more they talk the less they'll do usually it's it's just getting a sense of the person's demeanor I feel like they have something to prove yeah those who are exactly how would you take a beautiful woman serious what could she do in the workplace that would make you take her more serious and say if she enjoy I would say it's mostly demeanor demeanor it's like yeah you've you've met some like female realtor powerhouses and like if if I walk into their office like I'm intimidated it's just like they have this Aura of confidence around them uh that like you walk in and they mean business and they are sharp and they are aggressive negotiators and they're like very strict in like that for me from what I've seen is like highly effective yeah and that's why some of the best realtors in Los Angeles they're they're women they're not they're not men they're women Same by the best ones there so it depends if you want to lean into it or not but I think that's great advice have an aura about you where you can't yeah like they can't just go straight to Flo yeah yeah and and just also not believing everything they're told like you could tell immediately when when someone walks in and you're and you're with a Powerhouse like that someone walks in and starts talking about themselves they dismiss them or they shoot them down so quickly they start questioning what they say they'll uh like like one buyer brought into an open house and this lady was a Powerhouse the same sort of deal but new uh pulled me aside after like two minutes like hey by the way that buyer's fake it's not a real buyer I could tell immediately I've been doing this for 20 years don't waste your time with this person I'm telling you now because like I don't blame you like I'd be in the same position as you but like person is fake and then that person walked back in and she just shot this guy down like immediately the I showed proof of funds and she just liter this thing so I think a lot of it is confidence demeanor having a b men does it just is it just favorable handsome men I heard that handsome men like handsome tall men are trusted easier yeah but I think it's the same thing I mean people are still going to waste their time do you know what I find in relationships and handsome men um they don't necessarily end up with the most beautiful women and I think it's two reasons firstly um where the normal men would have to go pursue women handsome men get into this zone of life where women come to them which is a very like trippy kind of way of experiencing it but women come to them so they are used to the it being that way around so when a woman's not approaching them they assume she's not interested they don't realize a natural Pursuit is he should be chasing or he should be initiating the other thing I find with handsome men because they don't require as much female validation because they get it so much they look more for a woman that treats them well rather than just a woman that looks fantastic they focus on the treatment that they receive from a woman far more than they would by the status symbol of her being super attractive because they've already got that status symbol so I feel like with handsome men they end up with women who truly what like who chase after them rather than who they chase and they they focus on how a woman is treating them more so than anything they they find I feel like they're not always with their absolute equivalent but they're with women who are true they do get very loyal women because women are loyal to looks far more than you realize women who feel like they're punching above their weight seem very loyal to their man whereas women who believe that they are compromising are still got their eyes open when a woman's punching above her her weight especially in looks not finances in looks she tends to be hyper loyal why do so many people compromise in relationships I think we have to in real life I think we really do have to I think we should and I don't think compromise is a bad word and I don't think settling is a bad word I think it's it's really important to know when and how to compromise what will get you perpetually single is when you don't either you get it too wrong you're either compromising too much or you're getting bad treatment or you're not compromising at all but I think it's good to have a healthy level of compromise if you're aging as like let's say a man or a woman you might have to accept that your partner is going to have children from a previous marriage or you might accept that they might have been divorced you have to have some level of healthy compromise even if you don't have children even if you haven't been divorced you have to have some healthy level of compromise is essential but just as as long as the compromise isn't causing you to compromise on your deal breakers just remember your deal breakers and don't compromise on them but everything else is negotiable now what about when it comes to breakups what's the fastest way that you've seen to be able to get over a breakup um you remind yourself of the vision you have for yourself in the future and let's say for example your vision is I want to be a really successful man and I want to be married with kids and I want to be able to trust my wife and if that person fits into that vision fantastic you can try and make it work but if that person doesn't align with where you see yourself in the future then instead of holding on and trying to mold over them and worry about them you try and just remember your vision and just be happy for the person and be like I hope she meets somebody who's right for her and it's really tough to do that but we can't be moaning and missing someone and be happy for them at the same time if you truly love someone you'll be like I hope she find someone who is good for her but me personally I've got this particular Vision she doesn't fit that Vision she's great for me now but she's not going to be aligned with in the future so I hope she meets someone who's uh good for her right now and I can try and let go of my ego who takes it worse who takes breakups worse men or women I think men do I really do I think because it breaks their ego a lot they're so ego driven whereas for women I feel like they can feel the whole of a breakup quite quickly with friends family even if they get into another connection they can kind of feel that void with men they seem to it hits them later but it hits them deeper so the first couple of weeks the first couple of months they kind of enjoy their Freedom or whatever it is but when they realize they don't have because like I was saying women have so many social supports their friends family this that and the other when they when it sinks in that they have no one to talk to at the end of the night or have they have no one checking in on them or no one's cared if they've like how they're feeling anymore then it sinks in and then they wallow on it a lot more than women do in the long run there's the age-old question and I feel kind of like dirty even asking this so gigy I'm sorry this my grandma she watches a gigy is that her name her yeah her name's Linda but we call her gigy hi gigy gy um the amount of Partners AKA body count yeah does this matter and if so who does it matter more to I would say it's generally understood that it matters more to the guy than it does to the girl do you find this to be true or inaccurate I think the main thing I I've kind of said before about body count is that I think it's having an arbitrary number is not very useful because first you are never going to be able to get the truth out of men and women yeah men might inflate it women might deflate it you can't get the truth out of them but what like I said the the relationship with body count is you really have to look at your partner's relationship with sex now if you have a woman that will say yes to anybody that gives her attention anyone who makes her feel loved anybody that does that if that's been the main cause of her body count the main reason of her body count is a drunken night hour the main cause of her body count is because she was feeling low and someone comforted her then that's a a red flag it's what caused the body count or if it's a man who's been on dating us for years and years and just hookup after hookup pleasure Seekers then the body count really really matters but if you are looking at somebody whose body count was built on strong connections it was built on like you know they really had a relationship with that person they constantly are saying no to lots of people more than they're saying yes then the then that person is a little bit more trustworthy so it's really more their relationship with sex there's some men I know that might be 35 years old and two girls now that might sound like a really low body count might sound great on paper but what if that guy is super overweight doesn't have a job lives in his mom's basement and is watching porn all day doesn't mean he's virtuous doesn't mean he's a great guy and same thing with a woman let's say her body count is very low but she is she hasn't had any options but the moment she gets an option she goes for it it's looking at somebody's relationship with sex and do they treat sex as an activity that they can do with everybody and anybody or they do they treat it as an experience that they reserve for the people that they're most connected to and love the most and do they do it do they can they only do it with one person at a time if somebody can have simultan your sex with lots of different people at the same time they're disconnected from sex and as a result I would worry about their body count and their future relationship so it's the context that matters yeah and their relationship with sex can they have simultaneous sex with a couple of people at the same time or not some people the moment they go on a first date with a man or a woman they're sexually loyal other people there might be 20 dates in and they're still keeping their options open that's the person you should be more worried about so one of the biggest issues that I've noticed amongst me and my friends is the fear of rejection when you're like out at a bar and you see an attractive girl and you want to go and approach her you are just absolutely deathly scared of them just saying no and you fall flat in your face and everyone sees it and your friends see it and this and that uh and then also just like to wrestle with that egoic speaking like it's it's pretty challenging what would you say is the best way if you find someone you deem them as attractive you want to talk to them how do you do that um so the the fear of rejection is something that is very deep engrained in men and um I really think your rejection really holds you back when it comes to a man because um if you like and I see it different cultures particularly since I've been in LA and stuff and you'll see a big cultural difference in how men respond to rejection you'll see Hispanic and africaribbean men how they deal with rejection is they don't Place their self-esteem on a woman saying yes or no to them so they might stop you while they're in their car like baby girl you look great and I'm like okay and they'll be okay have a great day they don't they don't need anything from me and therefore they they don't place my reaction doesn't affect their level of rejection it's just simply having a conversation so they go into dating or they go into approaching women as if I'm here to give you a good conversation if you want more of me you're most welcome if you not have a great day they have that kind of mindset with women they have that mindset with women and I that sounds a bit controversial but they have a mindset with women that I I really want to talk to you but you're not the only woman in the world and if you don't want to talk to me I completely respect your opinion have a great day where men get it wrong and you know they get a bit nervous is her not talking to him or her not responding to him affects his self-esteem it gives it to them it feels like I'm obviously not good enough it affects their level of how they view themselves it's about removing that removing that your self-esteem or your self reflection doesn't depend on her because how she responds to you depends on her mood that day she might be in a relationship so many other factors that are not based on you so you remove your self- evaluation from her reaction and just replace it with I'm just giving you an opportunity to get to know me if you don't want to get to know me no worries have a great day if you do you're in for a treat I'm a great guy it's that unconscious confidence that comes through so you handle it by saying her rejection doesn't mean I'm not good enough it just means we're not we're not meant to be and it's that simple I think Jack was looking for a line or something to say a line like what what do you say I got rejected so bad with he gave me $20 to ask a girl oh it was it was the delivery that's all it was what the line you would not go up I don't even hey I thought you were really pretty I don't even can I have your phone number it's probably yeah so we were probably something like that we went to the bank why would that get rejected was a girl like no it was we filmed it too yeah we filmed it it was really bad like I saw her in the bank I didn't thought she was like like decently attractive but like I mentioned it to Graham and Graham's like oh well you should go ask her for a phone and we're like nah no he's like okay I'll give you $20 if she rejects you and I'm like oh so you reward rejection exactly well it's my thought was that either he gets a number in which case he's happy or he gets rejected in which get so it's a winwin a Winn but when I watched the footage and we posted it I think so I think we posted it what was what was the way in the delivery it was just a little sheepish a little like excuse me I thought you were like scared yeah yeah I think if if Jack went up hey s to bother you really quick I just I saw you walking out I thought you really pretty yeah can I get your number I got to get go like something just I guess a bit more confident and yeah and like I was saying the key is her reaction and her respon doesn't matter that much when you're sheepish it looks like she feel holds all the power and she's like oh God I'm going to stress him out if I say no and I'm going to it's more of a case of her reaction doesn't matter more I just need to let you know that I Think You're great and I think you look great blah blah blah so it's yeah I would agree it's a delivery the line itself unfortunately if I'm being honest um men underestimate if she is attracted enough the line doesn't matter so much it's more the confidence in delivery one thing that's really interesting is guys we have these like conversations amongst ourselves rarely ever Loop women into conversations of like okay you go out to a bar if you find a girl attractive like this is what you have to do and one of the things that we' like you know I would say unanimously universally agreed on as guys is you have to be completely apathetic to women yeah like completely so do you think that that is true as like a generally decent strategy and I know also strategy people are going to quarrel with that world with that word but like to go in act not interested at all and then and try or should you show some level of you show a level of interest it's not that you're apathetic to her you're apathetic to her rejection if she you want to show that you're interested in her that you really want to show that you like her you're finding her attractive but you're apathetic to the rejection so if she doesn't want it no worries you're still a cool girl do you still want to you can still hang on our table and you can still grab a drink no worries you're totally fine you're most welcome your a the apathy has to reply to the potential rejection not the actual girl herself show her attention give her love whatever it is but the moment she doesn't reciprocate you have you become completely apathetic you're still polite You're Still Loving where men get it wrong is they show no interest in her they might want to play at core but the moment they see her talking to another guy the moment they feel a rejection they overreact the apathy is in the wrong direction the apathy has to be in that you're most welcome to sit on our table you're most welcome to join us for dinner you can hang with us if I realize that you're not interested or you have a boyfriend whatever it is you're still welcome no problem but I'm not going to keep pursuing you it's that you withdraw rather than punishing in any way shape or form so they I think you show some attention when it's not reciprocated you keep it moving but you're still as polite as possible people who overreact to rejection makes the woman feel like she has so much power over you why are you getting so intense just because I rejected you the the more apathetic you can get to her rejection the more she'll realize that you have a great life with or without me so you're probably somebody worth getting to know another message that's being shared a lot especially in like the red pill Community is that guys need to like make a bunch of money they need to get absolutely shredded they need to do do all of these things to improve their own life to increase the pool of people that they can select from when they're finding a partner at what point along that Journey do you think someone should be like okay like I think I'm pretty ready here to like go and try to find a partner because there is definitely something to be said like at the very far end of the spectrum let's say like you don't have a job like 600 lb you know you like still are dependent upon your parents and stuff like that it's like okay you probably should not go out looking for a partner then but then you start making changes at what point uh when the lifestyle is conducive to monogamy and a healthy marriage that's when you stop and when you go far beyond that where you're traveling too much you're making too much money your post your body is almost too much and it's like everybody's it's going to make monogamy a difficult task and when you're on the other end when you're not making it again it's going to make creating a family and monogamy a very difficult task I think the right level is where you have the right amount of options where you could meet a good woman but not too many where you're going to get distracted by the wrong women you make the right amount of money where you could live a really nice life but not too much to the point where you're traveling all the time you never get to see each other and you live separate lives basically it's there's a Tipping Point it's like a you you know the inverted you there's a right level right in the middle which where you have the right level of skills tools and attributes that will create a healthy relationship when you're too far along on one end either or it's not going to make it easy so being the shredded guy who making loads and loads of money and is traveling the world world and all these things it makes you exciting to cheap women women who want a long-lasting relationship don't find that exciting that you're every day on a yacht and you're traveling Here There and Everywhere and you know every bouncer in the club and you you become exciting to cheap women if you had a like a counseling session or like a psycho analysis on someone like you know the Tate Brothers Andrew Tate Justin Waller like myin fresh and fit do you think that you'd be able to determine if they are happy or if they aren't how do you think that would go um I think I would be able to determine it but I would say here's the thing that I would say there's there's a barrier towards actual emotional intimacy towards women it might be because their lifestyle is too busy but it might be because they've outsourced it with like maybe maybe for example Andrew and Tristan they've got such a close connection with each other they share so much emotional intimacy they they're like each other's best friend so the requirement for a woman is that she doesn't have to have those traits she doesn't have to be super loyal loving all these things because they've got that with each other and they can just a woman is just there to look pretty have babies with and so so they can compartmentalize a bit better but the impression I get more from like the Justin and the fresh and fear is they faced too much rejection in their life from women they've been burnt too much by women and that burnt has made them want to create a power imbalance where they're so much more powerful than the woman so that she they can never get burnt again but in the process of this power IM balance they're actually losing power and the reason I say this is as a man as you get older let's say you get over the age of 35 and you're still dating 22y old women they think I'm providing all the money I'm providing the lifestyle I'm older than her I've got all the power doesn't work like she has all the power and the reason she has all the power is as a 22y old if you're willing to date men 10 15 20 years older you're a promiscuous woman to some extent because your pool of men is too wide you're going to date somebody who's 19 up until 40 your pool of men is endless so if you are somebody Justin or fresh in Fritz age and you're dating a super young girl she's already far more promiscuous than you are because her pool is too big where your pool as an older man who's only dating young girls is still quite limited there's only a limited amount of young girls but if you're a young girl who's willing to date older men rich men your pool is endless so firstly she's already got that secondly she's learned she can access that lifestyle without any hard work you've had to hustle all those time in money like you've had to come home stressed you've had to really put your life on the line you've had to really struggle to and to get that level of wealth she's learned that if she just knows how to arouse a men sexually she can get that lifestyle like that you're teaching her she has all the power look how difficult it was for you to acquire that wealth and she did it from being able to please you in a way in the bedroom in one night so you are actually giving her far more power than you realize because you're allowing her an elevation of status that she didn't earn so by becoming this powerful man and then selecting this really low value kind of just beautiful woman who doesn't have anything else going for her you have tipped it where she's just learned the doesn't wouldn't that limit you as a let's say a high value guy to only date other high value women and what what if that's not what you're looking for what if you don't need someone who has that like same lifestyle it do it does limit you but that's one of the sacrifices that you make when you are a high value man you've got to choose everything in life has it a sacrifice now some men think that they can have it all they think they can go for the woman that's a quarter of their age and give her a lifestyle and she be submissive you're spoil you when you're teaching women that they can access so much success simply because of their appearance and the sexual performance you're teaching her the wrong lesson in life and when you teach that to a woman young you are going to be replaceable because she will learn that skill up until she's 50 40 because to a 70-year-old 40 is still young so she learns that lesson so quick so what happens is you teach a woman from a very young age that she didn't have to be intelligent she didn't have to be hardworking she didn't have to be loving loyal she didn't have to do anything and she accessed this level of Lifestyle which took you 20 years to acquire you've given her so much power so I noticed you had a conversation with Andrew Tate I did would you say that you would deem him as good or bad faith great I would I would label him yeah I would I would think that he's improved a lot in terms of his message I think initially the message was far more hedonistic where it was very much money cars women and so on and so forth and um a hedonistic I I'm always anti- Hedonism I just I find it very distracting I find it very childlike I don't like all of those things but I think the underlying message of you know restoring masculinity restoring the importance of truthfulness restoring some of your power like not just kind of giving it all to women I think that part I really enjoy so I you know overall I would never you know knock anybody's you know message or in this sphere because I know he's gone through a lot but I I enjoyed my conversation with Andrew I respect a lot of things that he says obviously we have disagreements because I'm far more traditional my my my mindset is like this not because I disagree with him and I think he's wrong it's just that I can't align with it because I was raised so differently and so on and so forth so there's disagreement but overall I think it's not I don't have any qualms with Andrew do you think that I I also noticed that transition as well that he's been going through I feel like in the last like I know he's been getting a lot more religious and everything as well which is pretty interesting I like to see do you think that overall now at least in his current state that he's a more positive message for people than he is a negative one I would say so I would say so because I think the key difference between Andrew and somebody may be like fresh and fear Justin I don't know much about Justin I've never watched any's content but I see little Clips here in there is um I think the underlying when it comes to women you can still see that Andrew likes women you can still see that he likes women he enjo like wants to love a woman wants to be with a woman he likes women the others I don't see they they it looks like they use women as an instrument towards pleasure and status but I don't see that they actually like women and want to know women and actually want to love and connect with women so I think the underlying likeness towards women I think Andrew has but I don't if the others have that's really interesting one thing I've noticed being like a younger guy especially like back in high school and especially now like you know or when I was in college and now being like mid 20s you see a lot of girls that like you'll randomly meet or whatever you'll follow them on Instagram and then they'll post a photo of themselves online that's very revealing and then you have all like so many girls that go in the comments and say oh you're in your I'm sorry gy I'm GNA swear you're in your bad era you know what I mean like oh you go Queen slay and stuff like that and it seems like not only the guys but the women promote more promiscuous Behavior online until their boyfriend likes the picture but okay sure but why do you think the women like promoting something like that because I've heard that women can be very competitive yeah and if they see another beautiful woman especially being revealing do you think it's more of like a sabotage thing that they want to promote other girls to do stuff like that because they know that can remove them from the dating pool for people they may be interested in yeah you know I I it is an interesting thing it's like I I don't know it can be in two sides it could be a sabotage or it could be because they're also doing the same thing and they want to normalize what they're doing so it becomes more actic so let's say for example if a woman is posting only fans chances are she's going to encourage other women that are doing it and be like you're amazing you're doing so great blah BL blah it's a way of lessening the impact of your own sins when you kind of see it being normalized so I think it might be a combination of just kind of normalizing their own behavior I think we look here's the thing we we genuinely do like seeing beautiful girls as well we like it just I can't my feed my for you page is all beautiful women doing makeup all of it and I'm a woman and I'm doing that all the time so I can't imagine how tempting it is for a man uh to see it all the time so we actually we like Beauty just as much as you do is there a self- sabage or is there like a encouraging people to go down the wrong path I think only if they are doing that themselves I think if they themselves are in that route and in that kind of influence of world they'll probably encourage it a lot more because then they see their own behavior being normalized I think it goes the same for guys too that post pictures of themselves and like on a jet or on a yacht and they're wearing the glasses like taking a phone call or like my least favorite is the watch in front of the car steering wheel just I don't know why like I'm sure when I was 18 19 years old I look at that like oh my God that's so cool oh like yeah watches and cars but now as I'm getting older like I think when I hit like 30 I started to see things differently like that like people posing in front of cars and like posting pictures of themselves on like these these lavish trips and like obviously it's a very staged photo it's not that they're just like there and their buddies posting a photo just like in the moment it's very much like it's it's intentional yes it's two stag it's the female equivalent of a bikini picture it's just so cringe it it's just really really cringe it's just there's um look it depends how much you value value money but when you make a lot of money or when you make money it really reveals what you're true like what you're most proud of and some people make a lot of money and they're still posting their dog and they're still posting their cat and their others will start to post their material items so it's an Insight in what they value the most and and uh I mean it's good to hear that you have you find it cring oh I post my aquarium a bomb you know what's interesting when I'm uh on Instagram I see how many people view my stories consistently my aquarium stories get one5 of views is anything else I post oh it's a very NE thing yeah you're aquarium I that for it's a cool saltwater like would someone not want to see a clown fish like swimming inside and out of a clam I mean I think that's kind of cool what what did you learn most about yourself as you made more money I think I got a lot more uh private like I think in the beginning I was very much willing to like share everything like let's talk about income let's talk about what I'm buying let's talk about like exactly how I'm investing and where and both as my presence grw online the more money I made I think the more private and the more I valued just like personal friendships that were not posted online yeah that was something I never thought like four years ago I thought with Macy like hey we could do this like road trip and we could vlog whole thing could it I could while I dos and now it's the last thing it's like if we go vacation I don't want to a single thing I don't want to open Instagram I don't want to do anything is that what you found I found that same thing I was a really I loved meeting new people it my favorite thing to do and I love showing my experiences I used to like posting where I am what country I'm going to um I now don't enjoy meeting new people and which is a bit a shame because I used to love that so much I just get anxious about what they potentially could like is it going to be is it not real I I I start to start questioning people's intentions which I never used to do which is a bit unfortunate but yeah I become more PR I'm exactly the same far far more private are you the same Jack I would say there was like a little bit of a honeymoon phase in the beginning like when I first started like I remember the first person that I met I think it was L that I like freaked out he was a YouTuber that I watched way back in the day he did like these PR and for me like my heart was R well obviously Graham was number one right like I freaked out when I met him but I freaked out again when I met L because I'm like this is real like I'm meeting more than just the person I've been talking and then that kind of me for a while like I talking to people and like but then I think I just reverted to how I've always been I'm best friends with all my you know Hometown friends it's nice when you realize that you are still you regardless of all and you haven't changed drastically it's a nice realization it's just the novelty in the beginning gets exciting which everybody has yeah I think the other thing for me too is I valued buying things a lot less like there there are so many things out there that like 10 years ago I would have loved to have bought the Rolex the idea of buying them exactly like that weird yeah it's weird but I like having something to look forward to buying without actually buying it I don't buy much it's weird but when I before I used to be like I wish I could just walk into the store and just buy whatever I want but when you get that moment you're like oh I don't really like what am I going to do with this so it's a weird relationship we have it's maybe it's more to do with motivation of being able to but then actually acquiring I think so I think it's the ability to and then and then the power to say I'm not going to do that or I'm going to wait for a better deal yeah me too I'm I'm a bit Frugal like that like it still doesn't has to make sense for me to do that so I yeah I'm exactly one thing that I am really interested in is intellectual compatibility we had dating expert Ty Lopez on the podcast and he said I he's not a dating expert but he does he does read a lot of books so yeah he says he he knows a lot about dating what are your thoughts on this he says people need to date within one standard deviation of their IQ I agree with that I think that it should be relatively the same level of IQ and the reason why I say that's important is if you don't have a similar level of IQ then you're relying on very temporary and weak components to keep the relationship alive if you got look your friends should have the same level of IQ as you your friend should even have that if you have friends that you knew and they're a bit like they're just not the same place in life you you're like you know you're not you can't talk about anything positive or anything useful naturally that friendship dies out because you're not adding equal value to the relationship but if you have a partner where you're so it's the same kind of concept but you're still with them then you must be relying on something cheap and vacuous to keep you connected and usually it's either looks money like something cheap so I think keeping it within a similar IQ I can understand the logic behind I think people could be smart in different ways is that you could be very smart in one way and as long as you can learn something you you said adding value I agree think adding value to a conversation to a conversation it could be in completely different fields I think it's also positivity too yeah I do think so I think being positive I think what's the point of being smart if you're just going to be rude and negative and all these things I think it might be overrated but I just think generally intelligence will help make that person each other on the same level of emotional maturity so it will help them keep them somewhat emotionally some intimate because they'll have a same level of emotional maturity if they can both grasp uh their intelligence are you worried that we've turned love and relationships into a science because now like even throughout this entire conversation we're like okay if you go up to a person act somewhat apathetic but you also have to show a little bit of interest you wait for to lean on your shoulder to know that she's interested in you you got to like I don't know do all of these things check these boxes you do have to work out you have to do this and it turns it into a science you have to be within one standard deviation of IQ do you think and and yet divorces are higher than ever while we have all of this new information I think divorces have gone down divorces overall have started to Trend down okay they're trending down but they're still higher I think people are realizing that uh divorce is a thing and that people can get divorced and so I think they're placing a lot more important of who they get married to I think the issue is that there's so many options out there for a lot of people just because of dating apps that it's become really difficult to date and because of that you have to find ways to improve yourself and some of those ways you have to like make broad generalizations and say like well nine times out of 10 not all the time but like 90% of time but it's turned into a game and there's tools and tricks and strategies and stuff like that do you think that that's removing love from the equation because you go back in the day and it seems like relationships and nuclear families were way more prevalent I think because we used to rely on Direct human contact a lot more to learn about the each other we'd have to go and talk to girls and talk to guys and we wouldn't we you know even after school You' to play with each other rather than being on your technology I think the people that studied the most and it sounds like a bit of a hypocritical thing for me to say but people who sit there reading loads of books about it and trying to work out the science and listening to loads of podcasts I'm I don't mean this in a bad way because I really appreciate the people that listen to my podcast but I do think it's the people that don't have enough direct experience with the opposite gender I would recommend putting the books away putting them there and let life be a little bit of a lesson of course you know some people are really gifted that their family teaches them straight away and they get some insight and they have a lot of friends and it teaches them and so if they haven't got that they do have to rely on overlearning it from podcast but sometimes I'll have a client and I can tell directly that they've been watching too many podcasts I can literally tell within a sentence they'll either regurgitate a sentence they've heard me say and they'll say it back to me like I'm supposed to think they're intelligent even though they're copying me or I can hear them repeat some red red pill rhetoric and just be like oh no I don't accept that and you know men have to create their value and women and they just reg toate some some of the red fill stuff and so then I'm like you have to put the technology away and go and meet people in the real world even non-sexually just platonically get to know people and ask people questions be have have good conversations with people have interesting conversations with people you'll learn a lot more about the opposite it's interesting the most successful people that I know when it comes to like dating life making money they don't listen to podcast I hate to I agree I know you're watching this you're loser but but they're such a but it's true like I listen I listen but like I listen to podcast but not all a lot of them but like I'll pick and choose episodes that I'm interested in I'll listen to him a picture of me and he said oh this is the first time you've ever come up on my full youth page you've never come and I was like how have I never come up on your full youth page how has that never he's like I've never watched podcast I've never seen a podcast like ever so um I do agree the most and I see this a lot with broke guys with guys that don't make a lot of money they consume content about making money 247 so much I watch a lot of no no but there there'll be same with the relationship ones the ones in the least amount of relationships will consume the most content I get when you're going through something you need to learn something or you need a bit of guidance but there'll be some men who just don't actually practice it and they learn it and sometimes what happens is in the process of absorbing information you feel like you've achieved the same thing as the person who actually gave you the information and learned it and did all the hard work to get there so they might watch your advice on real estate and feel like they've done just as much work as you guys have because they've leared it but I do think that nothing beats real life on the ground kind of learning when it comes to money there's some sort of Disconnect there because if people are so interested in a topic like this of relationships and dating they're not getting it elsewhere and it seems as though the rise in popularity is because there's something going on but it's kind of dangerous because in the same way that people can get trapped into like reading copious amounts of self-help books and it's just kind of like mental masturbation at that point you're taking in information oh I should be more cognizant and present but then you like kind of use it as a tool for like a week and then it falls off and you look for a new solution the same thing can go for like podcasts where you're kind of just like continually searching but never actually going up well I think it's it's implementing that because I went through a whole phase of self-help books like for me and they made a tremendous difference like I B Tony I've never read a book I've read about four book Tony Robin's awake in the giant The Power of Now the power of a lot of people have said that to me as well you know what's so Fascinate people always ask me have you read a book and I've probably read about two or three books in my adult life ever and I and the only person I read is Mark Manson's like subtle art I love Mark but other than outside in that I can't sit through a book I've got ADHD to a very extreme even when I'm listening to something online the speed is two or an audio book is 2.5 I have to so I've got this problem where I don't read books but the good thing the only good thing I think books are fantastic when I have read a few books I'm like these are amazing I wish I did it more the only good thing about me I've never watched a not even my own podcast I've never sat through a podcast I've never watched podcast never read a book The only thing that I like about that is it forces me to reflect on my real life observations my and this is one of the things people tell me is that your perspective is quite unique and the only reason I can attribute that to is because I'm on the ground working with people every single day with clients and I'm observing real life behavior I'm not in any way diluting my own perspective with consuming content so that's where the uniqueness I think has helped me by not overc consuming content and I do recommend not to over consum even my own content even like I've been doing podcast rounds this whole week and I can feel myself even being negative and a bit draining because the questions are always going toy this has been very positive I really appreciate this podcast but sometimes it can be like do you think women do this and do you think and then I have to answer it but it can push you towards a more scary route of relationships and relationships are actually the most wonderful wonderful experience ever I I couldn't be more grateful for my relationship so I I feel like it can get a bit negative and a bit con all in consuming when you watch too many podcasts but this is great watch this one this one's fantastic are you just saying that to be pleasant or how can I say it on on screen yeah my answer yeah um no honestly I'll be very honest I've been a bit drained this week because I've been doing so and my the hosts I've had have been fantastic it's nothing to do with them it's just that the questions sometimes people want to know are the more controversial stuff like how do you know women are using man and had you know which is totally fine and even yesterday I put on my phot a story I was like can I have some female energy cuz I just want some neutral I don't want to hear like how women are so dangerous and how women are so bad so I was a bit drained and I was like I hope I'm able to be okay but the neutrality in your questions it hasn't been to trap women it hasn't been to for me to be the spokesman of how bad women are and how dangerous they are it's just like we're just trying to learn is this what's going on is this and I really appreciate the pleasantness and how easy it's been answering this oh cool we always we're very critical of our interviewing skills and we go yeah we want to improve and I'm glad I'm enjoying just the fact that I don't have to be like a sound bite or anything like that it is just like no no this is not to bash women bash men it's just that this is a dynamic I ask you a really difficult question absolutely do you like Jack's mustache I do actually do you know what I would say it looks really good on you and I know this sounds really it's a weak mustache I have hair everywhere except like for some reason it grows like you know I feel like my hair density here like 30% of you're going to be that guy that when you are 50 years old you are still going to be super handsome you're going to be that guy do you know why cuz you you just you have a a lot of Youth and everything like that and it will just get better and better and better and better wow a tell that I would say both of you I no he's not what did you say I said you're 17 I'm 17 no you're not I would say that for both of you I would say that for both of I would say that you guys are going to really I know it sounds like such a delayed gratification but you can really tell that you're just going to get better and better with age all praise be to God that's a really nice trait to have thank you very much and I'm glad really glad you recognize Graham's female energy I've been trying to point out to him for a while softness and I hope you find someone nice though Jack I think you really deserve it thank you I appreciate that I think you really deserve it and I'm sure you you you I can tell as well that you would be very happy in your relationship because your intentions are not bad it's not to like screw or get power and balance and just you know like the games that we see on red pill they go into relationships with the intention to win this match before it's even started and I know my advice can very much feel like that because I I'm kind of catering to that voice a little bit but when you go into it that I'm just going to choose right and once I choose right it's both fit feet in I'm going to dedicate my life to them if I get screwed well it's probably my fault I probably missed something but I don't care I really want to love this person with all my heart but I want to Choose Wisely and I think if you do go with that it's such a beautiful experience being it's tough for me because I hear a lot of the arguments for the red pill I think there's there's some in there that makes sense to me and there's some that's like hey that's good advice for guys to improve themselves to not be lazy to go to the gym to make the most of their time uh but there's some of it it's just like it's so hateful sotion cont matters and like winning and like I have to conquer this that I never understood and like why are you in competition with a woman like you're as a man it's like you should compete with other men and do these things it's like well I think that is kind of competing with other men when you're in competition with women of sorts like I don't think you're competing with other guys though like my thought is that there there are four billion women on the planet it's just like there's but I think that's a pretty like rare if you but yeah but if you lose a competition to a guy it was never meant to be to begin with I'm just speaking for the guys out there a lot of them feel like they have something to prove I would think a good woman doesn't put you in competition with another man with a good woman you're really not in competition with anybody or anything like that so try and look for a I think at the beginning to a certain extent in the beginning in the beginning but once you've established a relationship you should never be in competition with another man in the moment you are in competition with an ex or a guy at work or anything like that you let them have it you and same with women I would say the same thing I would say that you know you might be in competition in the very early phases or whatever it is but once you've given somebody a lot of love and youve given them their all and you're still in competition with ex or somebody else you bow out of that game and you allow them to you know the advice that I gave Caleb Hammer I thought was was some of the best so Caleb is another uh G to talk myself up a little bit another YouTube uh YouTuber and he showed me what's his Finance Finance he does Financial audits on people so people bring their finances he goes through them uh but we went through we did a hinge audit this one of my favorite videos that I've done hinge audit and I looked through his profile and what I said the difference was was that he uh in any relationship or dating you always want to be the buyer and not the seller and it's this mentality that instead of trying to like I'm going to sell you on me think of how a buyer would approach a situation if you're buying a car you're going to be very selective about the car that you pick you're going to be very intentional about it you know what you have to bring to the table and it's l about you saying I'm trying to sell you this car and like look how great this car is so when you try to sell yourself which a lot of people do it works against them versus like here's what I have to to offer here are the qualities that I have here's what I'm looking for do you match this do we get along oh great okay I'll be the buyer yeah and I I feel that that applies to everything like even when I see like um people talking about finances and like you know even people in relationships and they saying like oh I'm just somebody who I'm just so like I'm just so good at this and I'm so even when people talk about religious when sometimes I'm I'm a religious person but I try not to be like oh I do this I pray I do that because even when when the moment you have to sell that you do something automatically means there's a deficit in that thing in you really you shouldn't have to scream and shout like all your great qualities whether that's in financially whether that's spiritually whether that's intellectually shouldn't have to scream and shout it should just be a given buyer who you and how you carry yourself so I completely agree the buyer seller technique always be the person who's like a buyer both of you should be buyers I think the true good relationships when there's two buyers both of you are like assessing each other if you're compatible and both of you are like okay I'll see if I want this or not I'll see but I don't think it should be one by one seller it should be both should be buyers you should also look for somebody who has high self-esteem and you should come into it with high self-esteem this is one that we wrote down as a note is boundaries and it seems as though boundaries are are taken to a bit of an extreme lately of here this example if she goes to the club or she goes to girls nights yeah she's going to come back and the bags are going to be packed and I'm going to leave to me that seems a bit extreme especially if she's young and is part of growing up especially if she's young and stuff like if she's a 35y old still in the club I can understand there's probably a bit of a void that she needs to work on but if she's in her early 20s wouldn't you also be out and about and stuff like that it's part of socializing I think the main thing is when when a woman is out and about girl stps whatever it is this that and the other is firstly there is a transparency of where what how naturally between both of you even when you're nights out or whatever it is there's a level of transparency and there's a level of like wanting you there if you can if you're not no worries it's more when it's like hidden there's not transparent not where you're going then it's to worry about but when you have a good woman you can literally drop her in the middle of anywhere and you'll be fine like you don't need to stress so much the I think the other side makes the argument that if she's going to a club with the girls she's putting herself in a situation that could be compromising and that is disrespectful to the relationship that's what they say yeah my my argument to that would be I can understand if that's where she wants to place herself all the time and that's where she chooses over and above the relationship if she has a choice between spending the weekend with you she chooses a club then you have something to worry about but if it's occasion and it's for an occasion and she manages herself well and she's like that everywhere you only know you can you only know you can trust your partners when they're sometimes placed in untrustworthy environments then you realize if she is worth trusting so if you're just like she's never entering a club ever and then you don't know if the day she goes she might misbehave so it's more of a case of she is self-regulated she naturally chooses a relationship over and above these kind of environments but when she does go to those environments again she's self-regulated she's back home at normal hour she doesn't get too disrespectful this there has to be some level of self-regulation and rather than you just saying if you go I'm going to you what if she goes to the club wearing a very promiscuous outfit does that make a difference or does that not oh you know well unfortunately it does like as a woman I can tell you from my own experience when we dress in a particular way and if there's alcohol involved and you're in those kind of environments it just means men just don't leave you alone now some women don't act on that they just like to know that they still got it understandable but as a man I can understand why your natural protective instincts wake up and you shouldn't always feel like you have to suppress those protective instincts it's normal to say look I think I'm worried about you in that environment the worry needs to come from a place of I'm protective rather than I'm scared you're going to sleep with somebody it's more like I don't want you to be on an unsafe environment men are just going to put you in uncomfortable positions it has to come from an element of safety rather than just oh you're just going to cheat on me because then they'll get defensive but what is the incentive for a woman if she's in a long-term commitment relationship I know why she would want to go to the club to dance to drink to have fun with her friends but what would the incentive then be to wear a promiscuous outfit uh as a reminder that she's still attractive and and attracted to others who's reminding her of that though men women are not come I've heard that women will dress up to compete with other women not over the guys that's been a common thing that I've always been I don't want to say told but like that I've heard I would agree that we do care what other women think but we don't dress promiscuously for other women but you dress promiscuously for other men even in a long-term committed relationship yeah I would say there's an element of that still there because naturally what happens is when you're wied up you see women they some some women let themselves go because they literally are off the market and so they drift more towards that and if she's still very much like getting new surgeries all the time dressing up even more more priscus there's an element of her that still wants awareness of how um other men perceiv her now we do dress for other women but usually when we're dressing for other women we're focusing more on our hair and makeup and we're focusing more on a trendy outfit a fashionable outfit but when it's a promiscuous outfit that's not for other women cuz other women are not going to stop and be like what a cool outfit that's more other guys but do you think that that's associated whatsoever with infidelity if you go out trying to get attention from other men It's associated with keeping your options open and which is a precursor for infidelity so I just think like the more a person naturally wants to avoid alternative attention it's no different to a man that goes into clubs and gets the best table and high gets all the popping whatever it is that they ordered to table that's still drawing attention it's still their version of it so I still think there's an element of you at least want to let your status or let your um is that more of a self-esteem it is a self-esteem rather than infidelity but I do think infidelity is linked to self-esteem I feel like and self-esteem is probably linked to the amount of adoration that you get from your partner I would say self-esteem is something that is pre-existing it's before your partner you have it before for your partner like childhood your own decision- making if you make a lot bunch of terrible decisions you'll lose self-esteem but then your partner either if you select wisely and you select somebody you truly love and they love you back your self-esteem can really grow but if you select somebody you're using they are incapable of making your self-esteem grow and instead you will keep searching for it elsewhere so as long as the connection is authentic your partner can really help grow your self-esteem at the risk of sounding jealous I would genuinely be fine if I was in a long term relationship with a girl and she wanted to go out she wanted to go to clubs bars and stuff like that but I think that I would be really bothered if I saw her wearing something that she like hasn't worn from me yeah or she's wearing an outfit that's like very revealing you could see like all the cleavage and everything like that I would probably be bothered how would you feel I feel uncomfortable I think it would depend on the context too like who she's there with it just makes you start asking questions why are you doing this who are you trying to impress and it's hard to avoid that like rumination so I guess some of it for Me Maybe I'm little selfish but like I like certain things to be reserved for me and so like the more that's shown the less special I feel I think sometimes women myself included we get it wrong and you see a lot of women that after a breakup they glow up or after a divorce they glow up and it's like but why weren't you glowing up in the relationship why were you not putting your best foot forward in the relationship and they might say oh because he was toxic or was this that and the other but then you have to ask yourself why did you why did you choose that relationship but then bigger and they'll come out of a divorce and they'll lose all their weight cuz they're going back on their Market but really that your best version of yourself if you're not bringing it to your partner you can't expect the best relationship so I think we get it the wrong way around when we start to only glow up when we get single and then start to get complacent when we're with someone or only glow up when we're out with other people but not apply that to our partners what opinions do you have that you've seen the most negative response to were you surprised by any responses to everything I say seems to really trigger people but there has to be something that really stries I think the biggest thing I get that gets the most backlash is when I say that um well probably I wonder what it we would be I when I whenever I talk about how men and women are different in response to cheating and I always just say like you know as a man as a woman you could potentially forgive and you can re claim the relationship if you forgive a woman for cheating she will forever cheat on you and just use you for free accommodation and that seems to be a big big trigger why why do you think it's so triggering for people I think the thing is there's a lot more men that give cheating than they care to admit uh it's very difficult for a man because like you know when you go through something like that you firstly you're not allowed to tell anybody because then you look like you know you're you're weak so you can't really tell your friends and you can't you know get any alternative perspective you're only getting the woman's perspective so you're almost kind of indoctrinated by her in that moment but at the same time you're really angry stressed all these horrible things so when you have somebody online and you've gone through all of that to make this relationship work let's say you've forgiven your girlfriend you've gone through all of that where you've been isolated just thinking about it going through all that then you have somebody like me online saying oh by the way if you forgive her she's going to cheat on you again and she's probably using you for a free accommodation and you're going to catch her a few more times it's very triggering and even for the woman that's PL spent so all this time indoctrinating her partner into forgiving her hearing that message is very difficult so I think that really um triggers a lot of people is there anything you saw in my content then you thought oh my God this is not this is not going to go down well because the amount of a reaction I get I assume there must be something that is the underlying thing that's causing a lot of people to be upset part of my thing on the cheating thing going back to that yeah uh I took a stance a few podcasts ago that if a partner cheats I'd say in a lot of cases not all certainly but I think in a lot of cases you have to look 5050 at what were you doing in the relationship to cause your partner to cheat like where were you lacking what were you doing and taking some amount of responsibility for that now I'm not saying in all cases because there are cases that regardless of what you could have done they would have gone out and cheated but I think in in a good chunk of those cases I think you also have to look internally and say was I a good partner was I uh encouraging of this person was I loving to them did I give them attention was I neglecting their feelings what did I do and maybe you could pinpoint some things not to excuse cheating because I don't think that was the appropriate response but but I had um a friend ask me the other day and he said what do you think is the main reason women cheat and I said the number one reason is having a people please a husband and he said oh but you're taking the ownness away from the women I said I I know it's on the husband and I'll tell you why because what will happen is the women will do inappropriate things to test their partner they want to know where his line is and this is an unconscious thing and when they feel like he totally rolls over she there is no boundary left like I had a client that said to me oh you know my wife a couple of weeks after we got married she um you know she slept with her ex because um he but she thinks he slipped something in her drink and she slept with her ex boyfriend and um in in his mind was like all about like I hope she's okay he must have slipped something in a drink and was really worried about her and I said but didn't you question why she was with him or why he came over and he said oh no I just wanted to make sure she was okay and I said this is going to set you up the moment you make the entire relationship about pleasing the person rather than making sure both people are being respected from a female perspective she could have easily not told you that but she told you that information to see where your boundary is but don't you think there is a chance I guess the hard part if if I were the guy in that situation I would think there was a a chance that she is being truthful and I think it depends on the context if she was saying hey I'm meeting up with so and so we're going to be here uh here's why it's just the two of us and not you like I feel like there would be an air of deniability there of like hey yeah this dude did slip something in the drink but here's what here's what men that don't get cheat on do they stop the footsteps of this devil and what I mean by that is why are you even in those positions to begin with with an ex-boyfriend having a drink they would they stop you there you don't get to he slips something in my drink it gets to why are you why is he texting you why are you guys even texting each other then they don't even entertain the idea of you going because this is what happens with men that have that don't get cheated on if I say to my husband oh my ex texted me he's like change your number you're changing your number today and I was like I might say I'm not like this but some women might say no that's too toxic he's said well something has to happen because this is not I'm not comfortable with this experience and I'd hope you're not comfortable with me talking to my ex and they draw the barrier there now some women will say you're too toxic and leave that woman is somebody who's probably got plans to be unfaithful but the right woman would be like yeah fair enough I don't really care about him anyway block delete whatever it is that man it's harder for him to get cheated on but the man that says oh really how is he and he's like oh no he wants to meet up on Wednesday what are you going to do I think I might see him okay what what what do you think what time do you think you'll be back I don't know I'll see how it goes that guy is setting himself up so I think the unfortunately I know it sounds so toxic and this is where my culture and why it's so opposite of the current climate the current climate is total freedom my culture my background is you're totally free to do whatever you want but I'm free to leave or set a boundary when I'm uncomfortable in my relationship and they set those boundaries early on the ones that don't get cheated on and I would honestly say if you're a man if you want to prevent cheating it's totally in your hands you set the foundation early not because you're toxic but because you want to but is that setting a foundation part of me just thinks some some people are just naturally not going to cheat I don't know if it's about even setting a foundation those people who are not going to cheat you don't have the conversations that my ex is calling me so the people that are not going to cheat the they don't even say my ex text me because my ex was out of my life way before I met you so the people that have these conversations you don't they don't go into the environments and then you realize that they're trustworthy they just don't want to be in those environments where they're having drink with their ex so that's where it comes into it unfortunately in my personal experience of working with clients that's what I okay is it true that if you make a girl laugh that you can then make her fall in love with you absolutely absolutely yeah of all of the things cuz women say or maybe people just say yeah the guy has to be charismatic he has to have like a sense of self he has to be funny he has to be intelligent along this scale this tier list what would you say are like the top three or four things depending on her own sense of humor or anything like that sense of humor is definitely important one um but I would just say each each woman is going to be different but in her world in her mind you are what she really attaches to is someone who's quite similar to what she's used to so when if you're choosing a woman who is used to a lot of abuse a lot of chaos and she's been through a really hard time where men get it wrong is they say I'm going to be the night and shining armor I'm going to save you and you're going to see how great I am and everything's going to change un fortunately if she's used to that behavior she will find your love and affection quite difficult to get adapt to so I think the number one thing to ask yourself when you're are looking at a woman if she's like me ask yourself what is she used to what are her exes like what now some women her exes are really funny they're really vibrant they go to the gym stuff like that if you're like that plus you treat her better than everything else that she's used to it's a it's easy but if you her exes are complete chaos and bad boy going up and down and you're nothing like that you it's a risk couldn't that be a phase it can be a phase but she has to want to step out of it rather than you're trying to make her step out of it she has to really want to step out of it and use your conscious decision before you're in there but if you're trying to take her out of it it can go back and forth unfortunately I've noticed a lot of women get stuck in a cycle of talking to really bad dudes like over and over and over and over again why do you think this is such a common thing and why does that cycle never get broke uh she would have grown up with some kind of cycle of abuse and or some kind of neglect but the main reason why she goes back and back and back she comes out of every relationship choosing so badly that it's easy to blame the man he cheated on me he did this he he does some crazy behavior that it becomes easy to blame the man and then she'll obviously go with the narrative that he was an nist he was this he was that she hasn't taken the time to reflect on her own patterns and our own behaviors and as and another thing that gets women in these positions is when a woman is so easily led by verbal affirmation or just when so easily manipulated so when she's a girl where a man just gives her a couple of compliments or gives her a bit of attention she falls madly in love that woman always goes into back bad relationships because the moment a man says I've changed she gives him a chance I've changed she gives him a chance she's not looking at his behavior she's just looking at his words and when she's that kind of woman unfortunately she'll be in a cycle of men that treat her badly because men learn very quickly it's very cheap and easy to say the right words it's hard to do the good work now women that will just accept words and not behaviors they're easy targets so bad men tend to Target women that accept words over actions what about when it comes to marriage when do you know it's the right time to get married uh time for you as a person when you feel like you are done with Alternatives I think that's a really important one I think when you realize that you are naturally inclined to wanting a life where you are not easily distracted by the opposite gender you are not easily distracted by a good time going elsewhere here there and there you you can do all of those things but you'd rather share the life you've created with one person and you are just wasting time when you're single you're just doing the wrong things you're spending money on the wrong things you're self-sabotaging as being single it gets more and more self-destructive so when you realize that I'm actually in a position where if tomorrow somebody came into my life I wouldn't have to you know hide all the hose that I've got in my back Garden or I wouldn't have to stop all these plans I've got to go to Miami and Vegas my life is pretty much if somebody was to walk into it tomorrow we could pretty much transition into a relationship quite easily but if I would have to literally have a personality transplant to go cope with a wife right now probably best not to do it so do it when your life is compatible with monogamy and what question should you ask someone before getting married to make sure that you're on the same page um how do you cope when in relationships when things are bad what do you do when things are absolutely awful and if they say well in the past I would turn to an addiction or in the past I would turn to an alternative partner or I might call an ex or whatever it is then they might not be ready but and it requires honesty but you have to ask yourself this but if you're the type of person who when things go bad you take a minute you try not to be too abusive you try not to be horrible and you try and repair the relationship you're good at repairing then you're probably ready for marriage when is divorce a good option like how do you know that you've crossed that bridge when staying with them is far more painful than leaving with them yeah for what for some people leave staying with them is quite painful but leaving with them is really really painful probably a bit worse so they can stick it out but when staying is causing more damage than leaving and leaving word either to you or the children then it's probably time to start planning the divorce are there certain people out there that are just not equipped to ever be in a relationship sadly we're creating more and more people who are incapable of a relationship and what does that person look like uh somebody who finds monogamy and sexual exclusivity difficult no I had to I had not Jack would be thank you thank no he would be amazing I would genuinely say people who have who prioritize sex over and above every other quality in a marriage will struggle to get married yeah if they make that their number one men I would say if they make that their number one priority for women I would say those that are not emotionally regulated so I think for men and women it's different I think a man who places sex as a number one criteria for his entire happiness in his life and you know how many women he gets or how many or just how often he gets it and he doesn't learn that sometimes there's ups and downs with that you just got to hang in there um if a man that doesn't have a good relationship with sex he will struggle to be in a marriage and women who are not emotionally regulated who act severely out of emotion so when they're really upset they might you know get abusive they might hit swear they might threaten the relationship and when they're really happy they get super happy and they just they're just not regulated those women will struggle with marriage it's interesting you mentioned the emotional regulation because we asked Chris Williams in this question I know you've collaborated with him we said what are the two things that you should look for in a woman when finding a partner and he said psychological stability and a growth mindset so like prioritizing truth and reality maybe instead of you know an ideological way of thinking which I think is yeah that's very interesting yeah I agree what's your advice to me if I'm getting married soon a what advice would you give me the key thing is to respond to each other's bids and this is what the all the research has shown is the number one tool that will make a relationship work is when two people are very responsive to one another another's bids and what a bid looks like is very small gestures that are placed on the table on a daily basis to create connection so it might be as simple as I walk in and I'm like struggling with my bag and you quickly grab it for me or it might be he comes in he's like I'm so hungry and she's like oh yeah let me just warm this up you when somebody makes a tiny beard for connection does their partner respond to it some people will come home and they say I'm so tired and their husband will be like what you done all day I'm the one that's been working and they when they make a bid they get angry at them whereas if you have a partner that's like oh so hot and they're like oh just switch you know simple things I'll just put the window down they respond to you trying to connect it could be in tiny forms they respond to it the ones that totally reject to it you can say I'm hungry I'm tired I'm sleepy I'm hot like no reaction that leads to a slow and steady build up a resentment and then the marriage starts to decline so responding to each other's bids is really important and making sure that there's far more there's far more compliments over criticism we all criticize our partner it's normal but whatever criticism have you re relay it with an instruction so if you're going to say like okay she says oh you left your socks on the floor whatever it is she could easily say oh s you left your socks you're such a messy or it could just be like I really appreciate when you just fold the socks and put it in it makes my life so much easier you turn your criticisms into instructions and it creates healthy dialogue in a marriage I like that so alongside the people that are undatable are narcissists and sociopaths just purely undatable I would just say that look I I really try and shy away from the term narcissist and sociopath they do exist they definitely do exist but they're far more rare than you would think because everybody in this current dating age just thinks anybody who dislikes them is automatically a narcissist or anyone who treats them badly what I would say is that try and figure out whether it's a narcissist or a sociopath you just got to learn that if they have these traits it's not that they're undatable they have conditions that makes them date you that condition might be you have to listen to everything they say you have to do everything they want you to do and you just have to be submit to them completely some people actually like that level of kind of order they like that submission they want someone that just tells them what to do and they almost do it so if you want to be with somebody like that you have to be the submissive type that just completely forgets your own needs and wants in life so they can meet somebody who's okay with that generally speaking I do think that most people who are very difficult to date it stems from a very big trauma some real Lack of self esteem and inability to love and be loved you have to decide are you willing to take on this level of trauma in that person if the answer is yes I'm up for the challenge do it but I don't recommend it if the answer is no as much as I can sympathize and I love you as a person I don't think I can undo the damage that you're going to bring into my life I'm just going to step away but I wish you the best I think that's a healthier approach so try and avoid people that have this level of trauma and narcissism in them if you can so although those are very uncommon something that isn't so uncommon as ADHD and you mentioned that you have how has having ADHD affected your relationships and is it like what are the negatives and are there any positives the only impact I found is I can get over an argument almost instantly I can have an argument and then it's back to normal like like this I can say something really mean and hurtful and then within a second I'm back to normal so I think that the only thing it does is it shifts my brain and shifts my mood almost immediately I can almost do it immediately which comes across a bit Psychopathic because it's like how did you go from there one to the other but I haven't really seen any negative consequences on an extreme end in my personal experience but I I've heard that it does have really bad implications but for me personally I haven't noticed that yeah I heard it's like a no no to go up to a girl at the gym I don't think so I don't think so I think that it's become like that because of the way um you know social media portrays it but women are super receptive to men they're attractive to you could meet approach a woman at a funeral if she's attracted to you she's receptive and the gym is a great place to meet somebody if she as long as you're not disturbing her flow what I say to guys when they're approaching a woman if she has to then drop all her weights take all her headphones on just to entertain you she's going to be annoyed but if she's already packing her bag on her way out just don't interrupt her flow same thing on a night out if you're like pulling her with her friends and she has to interrupt her flow but if you just join her when she's having a drink with her as long as you don't interrupt her flow it can't go that bad yeah this amazing thank you so much we need to be respectful of your time thank you very much for helping out as well thank and uh we really appreciate it all of the links will be left down below in the description and until next time see you guys thank you guys so much