Video summary
The video explores a counterintuitive strategy for overcoming procrastination by reframing the role of fear rather than eliminating it entirely. The speaker argues against relying on external punishments, such as withholding entertainment or self-imposed guilt, because these methods often fail to generate lasting action and instead create cycles of failure and increased shame. Instead, the core message advocates for a "judo move" where an existing internal fear is leveraged constructively. This approach shifts the focus from avoiding negative outcomes like failing exams or losing freedom to addressing the root cause that drives inaction: the anxiety of not being present when it matters most.
The fundamental fear identified as the primary driver of procrastination is not the consequence of failure itself, but rather the terrifying realization that one simply will not show up for a task they have committed to. When individuals fail to engage consistently with their goals, this specific fear materializes into reality—the moment comes when action was needed, and the person is absent. This absence creates deep anxiety because it confirms the worst-case scenario: a lack of self-reliance. The speaker emphasizes that people often mistakenly believe they are afraid of judgment or mistakes, but upon deeper reflection, everyone realizes their true dread is simply not being there to do what they promised themselves when the time arrives.
To utilize this fear effectively, one must stop running from it and instead allow it to materialize fully whenever a commitment is broken. Instead of immediately recommitting with new promises or engaging in harsh self-punishment, the recommended method is to accept that you will not engage with the task for the rest of the day if you have failed to show up earlier. This creates necessary psychological space and freedom from mental replaying while allowing time for honest reflection on why one did not follow through. By stepping away without judgment, individuals can uncover underlying issues such as being overwhelmed or having poor boundaries, which are often more understandable than simple laziness.
Ultimately, the goal of this method is to restore self-trust by repeatedly facing and processing these moments of failure rather than avoiding them with false promises. The speaker clarifies that procrastination is not a discipline issue but a trust deficit; people doubt their own ability to follow through, often estimating only a low percentage chance they will succeed in future attempts. By utilizing the fear of not showing up as a tool for honest self-assessment and then moving forward without immediate recommitment, individuals can gradually eliminate that anxiety. As this process continues, self-trust rebuilds until the person genuinely believes they will be there when needed, effectively resolving the chronic cycle of procrastination through restored confidence rather than rigid systems or punishment.
Read the full video transcript
In today's video, I'm going to show you
how to use a fear that you have to ma
make that fear work for you instead of
uh burning you up and making it so that
you can't take action in your life.
I'm not saying that we're going to be
I'm advocating for being ruled by fear
or that you should be having fear, you
know, be the thing that drives your
life. I'm saying there's an existing
fear that's causing harm and you can
actually use that. You can sort of do a
judo move on it and actually make it
work for you. Okay? In terms of going
after what you want in life and uh
pursuing your goals, becoming
consistent, overcoming procrastination,
okay? Because when people don't
understand what this underlying fear is,
this thing that that all
procrastinators, people who struggle
with this have, they they still want to
use fear to motivate themselves, but
they use the wrong types of fears. So,
they'll do things like withholding and
punishing themselves, okay? Thinking
that if I can make the the punishment
painful enough that I'll surely be able
to coersse myself into taking action.
And it doesn't work. Okay? It doesn't
work. So, no more video games for me
until I do the thing. Then you don't do
the thing because coercion doesn't work.
And you know what? You um you go back to
play the video games anyway. You break
the rules and that just adds more guilt
to it. So, what if there was a fear that
we could use, right? Not the fear of
losing video games or taking something
away from yourself, but something actual
an actual thing that could actually make
an impact and help you instead of uh
work against you. So to do this we need
to know what fear has currency has weigh
will actually have an impact will
actually get our attention
the answer to that is this what is the
big fear that people with
procrastination have okay now most
people he asked them that question and
this okay what is it that you're afraid
of around your procrastination and most
people think it's that I won't follow
through I I won't I sorry it's that they
have the fear that they will have the
negative consequences of not following
through. So if I don't do it I'll fail
the exam or if I don't engage
consistently enough I won't be able to
build my business and have the life of
freedom that I want. Okay. So it's the
consequences of the inaction
but that's actually not. Or another one
might be um proc um perfectionism. They
think they're they're afraid of making a
mistake or they're afraid of what other
people will think. These are types of
fears that people think. Now, those are
real and those can be in there, but
there's a much more pro um fundamental
fear that we all have when we have
procrastination. And I'm going to
identify it here and then I'm going to
show you how to use it to leverage uh
leverage it in your favor. So, here's
the question. What is the big fear? Ask
people that and those answers it'll give
you. But I ask them this question and
the answer changes. So say what if I
could guarantee
that you become consistent.
Okay. So let's say whatever goal it is
you're moving towards learning a new
language starting a business doing a
thesis writing a book doesn't matter.
Imagine I could wave a magic wand. And
we won't guarantee success or that
everyone will love your book or that
your thesis will be amazing necessarily,
but we will guarantee by waving this
magic wand that you will show up
diligently, consistently
um to the very best of your abilities,
okay? We'll guarantee that much through
waving this magic wand. How would that
feel? Would that feel better? And
invariably people would say, "Oh my god,
I'd be so happy if I could just show up
and engage with it consistently. I'd
feel fantastic and I wouldn't actually
be as affected by it not going well if I
was able to say to myself, look, I gave
it my best shot. I showed up and I did
it right." This reveals what the big
fear is when we have procrastination
that promising and telling ourselves,
"Okay, I'm going to do it." But we we
fail to follow through and fail to be
consistent. The real fear under any
procrastination, the fundamental fear is
that when the time comes when you're
needed to engage with the task, you
won't be there.
Right? You don't engage with it, chances
of it going well dramatically decrease
and that is very anxiety inducing. Okay?
So that is the fear. The fear isn't the
the outcome or how people re will react
to it etc etc. it's that you won't be
there is that you'll go awall on
yourself and that creates this
underlying anxiety. Right? So that
that's the fear believe it or not is
that you won't do you won't show up now.
Okay, I want you to remember that. Okay,
that's what we're actually afraid of.
Remember because that's the thing that
we really want and if that's not going
to happen that's going to create this
fear in us. So in order to how can we
use that fear to our advantage, right?
the fear that I'm not going to do the
thing.
What we have to do is we have to make
that a reality each time we don't show
up.
Okay? Instead of having it avoiding it,
right? Running away from the fact, no,
no, I have to show up. I have to show
up. I have to avoid that. When we don't
show up,
the fear materializes in that I don't
get to do it now. Chance is gone. I'm
not engaging with it. That's the thing
we're afraid of, okay? The fear that we
won't engage with the task. That's what
we're afraid of. So, when we don't show
up, the consequence isn't taking away
video games or withholding something or
punishing yourself or no socializing or
no more TV. None of that stuff works.
What will really work is utilizing that
underlying fear that's always been
there. And this can be scary, right?
Especially at start when you're read the
book on it. The book will put your mind
at ease as to why this is a healthy
approach. I know it sounds very
different, but when you can train
yourself now, you're not doing it as a
punishment to yourself, saying, "Okay, I
didn't do the task at 2:00 when I said I
would. Therefore, that fear is going to
materialize. I won't be engaging with
the task now for the rest of today."
It's not you're not doing it as now.
That that'll teach you. It's not that,
right? There's no need to punish
yourself. There's no need for harshness
in this. This is just something that
will get you to pay attention because
it's utilizing the fear that's already
been there, right? Okay, I'm not going
to do it now. Um because I said I would
and I didn't. And in that space, you'll
actually find that it's the most useful
thing you can do for yourself. Let that
fear materialize. Okay, I won't engage
with it now for the rest of the day. I'm
taking some space from it where I can
step back and reflect. Okay, that's
really what you do. Instead of
recommitting and repromising, you let
that fear materialize. Okay, no more
engagement. Now that's the punishment.
right? I won't be engaging with it and
I'm going to actually step away from it
and do something else with my day.
No more revisiting this. No more second
chances, no more bailouts, no more um
recommmitments and repromising.
Couple of benefits to this, really
obvious ones. First is that you can go
and enjoy the rest of your day. Do
something else, but don't do that thing.
So there's no more mentally replaying it
and revisiting it 15 times throughout
the day. You get a psychological freedom
from it. The second massive benefit is
that you actually get space to reflect
on why did I not show up there when I
said I would. I made a promise to
myself. I didn't do it. No need for
judgments,
but I wonder what happened. And you need
space to do that. If you're busy
reppromising and recommitting, you're
not going to find the real reason. And
the real reason is not a judgmental
reason. and it's a very very
understandable reason. It's usually that
you're overwhelmed or your boundaries
were off. It could be psychological
reasons. There are deeper psychological
reasons why we we didn't show up for
that thing. Sometimes they become
obvious like I'm been comparing myself
to family members or um comparing myself
to other people all the time or I have
this narrative that I need to be
perfect, right? Those things can become
obvious, right? When you pause and you
step away from it. But today's video is
about utilizing the fear. First of all,
identifying what is the thing that
you're really afraid of. The fear is
that you won't show up. You won't
engage. You're not going to engage with
the goal.
So, take the fear out of it. Utilize
that fear. Start letting that fear land
every single day. Any well, anytime that
you don't show up, when you start
following this method, the method that's
in my book,
you will start showing up, right? So,
this won't become an issue uh after
that. But this is the method. This is
the how you get to that stage, right?
And it's through utilizing that
underlying fear that has been constantly
working against you for so long, right?
I'm so afraid that I won't show up. I
need to keep clamoring to show up all
the time. I can't ever let that happen.
No, you do let it happen.
It's about identifying when you're not
doing it. When is it is taken off the
table. And when we have this chronic
procrastination problem, we are never
willing to take it off the table. No.
Well, I have to do it. but I kind of
still need to do it because we're so
afraid of not doing it. So, when you
start to use that to your advantage,
you'll be amazed and you will start
showing up. Right? I know it's this is a
deeper video and forgive me if these
shorter videos are um
a little bit complicated and hard to
follow. That's why I wrote the book. The
book is 160 pages and it goes into this
in in much more detail, but effectively
this is what we're doing with the book.
We're utilizing a fear that we've
carried for years usually and uh it's
effective. It gets us to sit up and take
notice, right? We might think, "Okay,
I'm taking away the video games. No more
YouTube. No more TV.
That sounds harsh. That sounds like I
should uh probably
show up, but we don't. People don't do
that." Right? You could take you can
take so much away from a person and they
still won't do it right because it's not
about that. The punishments don't work
and the part of you that really does
want to do those things goes on strike
anyway and makes it incredibly even more
difficult to engage. So withholding and
punishments don't work. There's a part
in the book about that. So keep that in
mind. That's the fear. And ultimately
what we're working towards is taking all
the fear out of this. Utilizing that
fear to start, but then realizing I'm
not even afraid of that, right? None. So
all the fear goes out of this until self
trust reemerges. And you can completely
have confidence in yourself that okay,
there's the time. I'm going to do it.
There's a huge likelihood that I'm going
to do that. Usually when people have
this issue, I'll ask them, um, how sure
are you you're going to show up for
something that you commit to, put a
percentage on it, and they will say
[clears throat] 50%. Less, 20% chance
I'll show up for it, which is basically
revealing the problem, which is a lack
of self-rust. So this method I'm talking
about here is how you restore selfrust.
That's the whole the whole issue is
around selfrust. It's not about
discipline or having a better plan or a
better structure or a better system.
It's the trust issue needs to be
resolved. And once that happens, all the
anxiety goes out of this, right? Because
you believe that you're going to be
there for yourself when you said you
would be. Hope that's insightful and uh
hope the book is useful to those who
have bought it already. And I appreciate
the feedback on it that I've received.
Take care of yourself and I'll see you
uh again very soon. Bye-bye.