This Is How The Narcissist TRAPS YOU [RAW]

Duration: 18:23 2347 transcript words EN summary

Video summary

The core mechanism by which narcissists trap their victims is the creation of a trauma bond, often compared to Stockholm syndrome or a shared fantasy. In this dynamic, the abuser systematically trains the victim to lack self-awareness so that they remain focused on a third entity—the idealized version of the relationship—rather than recognizing the abuse occurring in real-time. While overt narcissists are easily identifiable because they openly proclaim their superiority and abuse without hiding it, covert narcissists operate differently by presenting themselves as nice, quiet, and shy individuals who gain trust through empathy and victim-playing. This deceptive facade allows them to isolate the victim and build a deep emotional connection that makes leaving incredibly difficult once the trap is sprung. The cycle of abuse typically begins with an intense phase known as love bombing, where the narcissist puts the victim on a pedestal, promising a shared future and making them feel uniquely understood against the rest of the world. This period triggers chemical releases in the brain similar to those experienced by drug addicts, creating a high that the victim attributes to finding a soulmate. Once the narcissist feels secure that the victim is not going anywhere, they abruptly shift into the devaluation stage. Here, they quickly dismantle the previous certainty by cheating, lying, stealing, and engaging in various forms of abuse, leaving the victim in a state of limbo and uncertainty. This emotional roller coaster causes significant stress and memory issues, as the narcissist alternates between extreme neglect and sudden returns where they act as if nothing happened, further confusing the victim and preventing them from processing the reality of the situation. To ensure the victim cannot escape, the narcissist employs severe isolation tactics, making their life revolve entirely around themselves while draining the victim's resources and support systems. They often launch a smear campaign early in the relationship, manipulating friends and family to believe that the victim is the villain who deserves the abuse. By controlling the narrative and planting specific imagery in the minds of others, they ensure that when the victim tries to seek help or explain the truth, no one believes them. This isolation extends to constant contact through calls and texts, designed to keep the victim's mind occupied with the abuser so they cannot think rationally about leaving. The narcissist's ultimate fear is abandonment, as losing control over the victim means losing their source of supply, which is why they will go to extreme lengths to prevent the victim from walking away, even after years of abuse. Breaking free from this cycle requires a conscious decision to stop all contact with the narcissist and anyone connected to them, a strategy known as going no-contact. The video emphasizes that there is no magic book or quick fix; healing only begins when the toxic influence is completely removed, as even a single phone call can trigger hoovering attempts designed to suck the victim back in for more supply. Recovery involves blocking the abuser on all platforms and focusing entirely on personal healing rather than seeking revenge or trying to reconcile with someone who views the relationship as ownership. The narrator concludes that while the process is difficult, it is possible to move on by prioritizing one's own well-being and understanding that true freedom comes from cutting off the source of the trauma, allowing the brain to stop producing stress chemicals and finally begin the journey toward recovery.

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The narcissist traps you through the use of a trauma bond. It's a shared fantasy or Stockholm syndrome. Stockholm syndrome derives from Stockholm in Sweden where some bank robbers took some people hostage and then the hostages ended up falling in love with the bank robbers. So what does this tell us? This tells us that people end up falling in love with their abusers because the abuser creates this bond and they use it to trap you. But at the time that you're in it, you may not realize you're trapped or you may not realize the full effect of it. You don't fully become aware of what happens until after the relationship is over. Because while you're still in it, you're being trained to lack selfawareness. Because if you're self-aware, then you're aware of your abuser. So, they keep you unaware of who you really are. and they get you to focus on this third entity, the shared fantasy. And this is what keeps you trapped in an abusive relationship. This is something that covert narcissists typically do. Overt narcissists will openly proclaim that they are amazing and they will abuse people without hiding anything. So, you already know what you're dealing with with the overt narcissist, and it's usually much easier to avoid them. But covert narcissists are different. It's hidden because they're usually very nice, quiet, shy people. And they gain people's trust by being so nice. Many covert narcissists play the victim to get people to feel sorry for them. So they play on your empathy. Co narcissists are the ones who like to their victims. And this all starts in the love bombing phase. They put you on a pedestal. They tell you how great you are. They make you feel like it's not going to end because the focus is on their promises and the future as though they share the same interests as you while everyone else is just different. or they don't understand the bond that you share together. Or other people are bad until it just ends up being you and them against the world literally. And then once they've got you where they want you and they know you're not going anywhere, now the next stage starts and that is the devaluation stage. So this is where they devalue you, they put you down, belittle you, demean you. This is where the trauma begins. And it's where they start cheating on you, lying to you, stealing from you. They might physically abuse you, mentally abuse you, sexually abuse you. So, first they build you up and you have all of these big plans and then later that night or the next day they're gone. They didn't say anything. You may look for them, but you can't find them. And then maybe eventually you do find them and you see that they're with someone else. They're cheating on you. So, you're constantly worrying. You're constantly wondering where they are. You're constantly chasing after them. You're wondering what they're doing, wondering who they're doing it with. You're waiting for them to come home, wondering whether they're going to come back. You're worrying about if they're going to be mad or you're anticipating if they might be happy. And this is not a normal way to live your life. This is all just a part of the trauma bond. They build you up to make you feel like this is real and then they pull away really quick. So then you're left in limbo. You're left in a state of uncertainty or neglect because first there was this utmost certainty. You had these dreams. You believe that you shared the same goals for the future and then all of a sudden they're gone. So then you're trying to figure out what is going on. And it's not that you're just more susceptible to it than other people might be or you're just easily confused. No, the love bombing phase is very intense. They know exactly what they're doing. They're master manipulators. And when they do these things, chemicals are being released in your brain. And it is the same high that drug addicts get you to attribute this to them. But you don't know what's going on. You just think you found your soulmate because they do things that are too subtle to pick up on. So you think you found the person you're really in love with, the person who is going to be there for you no matter what because you feel like they've proved this to you. You believe it. And this is the whole point of what they're doing. It's designed to gain your trust. And they might do this for years. So when they walk out the door and you have plans together for the next 5 years, you don't know what's going on because they don't tell you. And it is all intentional. But these chemicals are being released in your brain. And even when they're devouring you, you get stress chemicals released in your brain. And they might do things that are so confusing and hurtful to really throw your whole world upside down. And then guess who is there for you? They are. They come back like nothing happened or they say they don't know what happened. They lost their mind and it is all nonsense. They know what just happened. They just cheated on you. They just lie to you. They just stole from you. And everything else they're saying is nonsense. But you're thinking about it. You're questioning yourself. You're asking yourself if it's true. And so you talk about it. or they may not apologize, but sometimes they will apologize, especially if it's in the beginning, because they know when they've gone too far. So, they try to pull you back in again. They might start being nice again. They might buy you gifts. They might tell you things are going to be different because they know what they're doing. It is this up and down, this emotional roller coaster where you're always wondering what's going to happen next and it's just one extreme to another extreme. It's like they slept with their best friends, but then last night you were talking about marriage and this shrinks and swells the part of your brain that deals with memory. So you can experience memory loss from all of this. You don't know what is going on. And another thing they do is they isolate you. They make your life revolve around them. They make themselves dependent on you for everything. So they may not know anything. They may not work. They may not have any money. So when they start abusing you and devouring you and you discover that all of these future plans are never going to become a reality, what are you supposed to do? Kick them out of your house? Get them a place to stay? Pay for them for the rest of their life? This is what these people do because they want to isolate you. They want endless supply from you. They want everything you have. So they will make it difficult for you to leave them so that you can't just walk away even after everything you've been through, everything they put you through. And they will even have everyone looking at you like you're the one abandoning them. They won't let you spend a minute alone. They'll be texting and calling you all day because they want to constantly keep your mind on them. They know that once you spend some time alone or you have some time to think rationally about this, you're going to wake up and they're going to lose you. So, they have to be on you all the time. And this is how your life ends up falling apart. because they're not there to help you with your life. They're not there to listen about what you want to do. So, if you want to start a business or live a stable life while you're dealing with one of these people, good luck. They don't care about your future. They don't care about your children. It's just all about themselves and what they can get out of you. And another way they isolate you is through the use of a smear campaign. They will talk bad about you to everyone around you. And it may seem like they only do this at the end of the relationship, but they've been doing this from the very beginning. They got to all of these people first. So that when you go and tell people about what they've been doing to you, no matter how bad it may be, doesn't matter if they cheated on you, lied to you, stole from you, doesn't matter if they spit in your face and called you names, nobody cares. And nobody is going to do anything to help you. Because once the narcissist has already gotten to these people, people tend to believe the first news they hear. And narcissists are master maniplators. It is essential for their survival. They have to be able to manipulate people in order to get supply. So they lie to people. They exaggerate things. They spread halftruths. They paint you as the villain. And it is really exaggerated to the point where if you tell anyone about the things that they have been doing to you, as far as these people are concerned, it is your problem now and you deserved it because they are disgusted by what they've heard about you. So they don't care about anything that happens to you now. And it's not even about anything you're meant to have done. It is the story. It is the narrative behind it, the imagery that they have planted in people's minds. Narcissists are often excellent storytellers. They know how to sway people in a certain direction so that you're isolated, so that no one believes you and you can't get rid of them and everyone believes they're nice and everyone feels sorry for them. So they are the type of person where if you do something wrong to them, these people will come after you because they want to defend this poor, nice, innocent narcissist. So then the narcissist goes and tells everyone, you cheated on them, you lied to them, you stole from them, you hit them, whatever they did to you, they just project it. And then they go and they tell everyone that you did it. And then you're isolated after all of these things have happened to you. And now even you're obsessing over the narcissist whom everyone seems to love and adore and feel sorry for. You feel addicted to them, to your own abuser, who even lied and covered up the abuse and told everyone you're the abuser. And it's because those chemicals aren't being released in your brain anymore. So now it's like you're trying to come off a drug and this is what they're trying to do. They want to get in your head. So, what are you supposed to do about this after a narcissist has come into your life and done this to you, hurt you, abused you, turned everyone against you? How do you move on from this? I can tell you that there is a way for you to get over this, but you've got to do the work. There is no video. There is no book. There isn't anyone who can tell you anything that's going to fix it. And actually, the most important thing for you now is to go no contact with this person and anyone, any fly monkey connected to them. Stop talking to them because even though weeks, months, or even years have gone by and you may think you're doing great, all it often takes is just one phone call and you will be right back. That's why they call it hoovering because it sucks you right back in. And the only reason why they hoover you is because they think they can get more supply out of you. It's not because they want to get you back. It's because they want supply. And they want supply because they're thinking about you. They saw you on social media. So, what you got to do now is you got to block them on social media. Make it difficult for them to have access to you, to see what you're doing, to see what is going on in your life. Because if you don't get rid of them, your life is over. You're never going to get better. You're never going to heal. You will never heal as long as you're in contact with them. And that is why [clears throat] their biggest fear is abandonment because they already know once they're out of the picture. Once they no longer have any influence or control over you and your life, things are going to get better for you. You are going to heal. You are going to move on. The problem is that they think they own you for life, no matter how many years have gone by. If you have more supply, they will figure out a way to get it from you. So, don't mess with them. Don't mess with the narcissist. Don't even bother trying to get revenge on them. What you need to do now is you need to focus on your healing. Focus on what is going to make you feel better. on what is going to help you to move on from this. And I am available for you. I do have uh a one-on-one coaching program that I offer to victims of narcissistic abuse which you can book through my website which is narciviver.co.uk. So, if this video was helpful for you, give it a thumbs up, give it a hype, and I will talk to you in another video very soon.