Video summary
The podcast explores significant sex differences in sexual psychology, particularly regarding visual triggers and consumer preferences for adult content versus romance literature. While both men and women value physical attractiveness because it signals youthfulness and fertility, men place a much greater weight on these traits due to the biological reality that female fertility declines sharply after menopause compared to male reproductive capacity. This evolutionary pressure makes men more avid consumers of pornography than women are. Conversely, although people often assume women prioritize long-term relationships while men seek casual sex, research indicates that both sexes share roughly equal interest in forming committed bonds and falling in love; the primary distinction lies not in a trade-off between short- and long-term mating strategies for women, but rather in the fact that men possess an additional drive toward one-night stands. A notable discrepancy exists regarding romance novels, which are far more popular among women despite evidence suggesting that men may be equally or even more romantic than women in other contexts. The host suggests this preference might stem from how sexual fantasies differ between genders: on average, single men cycle through four to six different partners in their mental fantasies, whereas women tend to focus on a single partner. This is reflected in romance novels and films like *The Notebook* or *Titanic*, which typically feature narratives pivoting around two life directions rather than the "ruthless conveyor belt" of multiple suitors found in male sexual fantasy. The host humorously recounts observing a woman reading such a novel on an iPad, noting that while men might view this as indulging in "brain slop," women's engagement with these stories aligns with their tendency to have fewer but more focused romantic fantasies. The discussion further delves into the concept of sexual overperception bias, supported by research from David Buss and his former student Marty Haselton mentioned in *Bad Men*. This phenomenon describes a "smoke detector principle" where men are evolutionarily inclined to falsely infer that women are interested in them rather than missing potential mating opportunities. Consequently, men often project their own attraction onto the world, assuming a woman likes them back at levels roughly equal to how much they like her, even when no such interest exists. This bias can lead to awkward social situations where men misinterpret neutral signals as romantic interest, creating scenarios that might be perceived as harassment or inappropriate advances in professional settings, though these are often rooted in this specific cognitive error rather than malice. The conversation touches upon the implications of these biases for workplace dynamics and high-profile events, such as a recent scandal involving Goldman Sachs where accusations were deemed incredibly rare because they did not fit typical behavioral patterns expected from men who might be prone to overperception errors but rarely act on them in extreme ways without clear signals. The host uses this example to illustrate how societal intuitions about gender differences can sometimes clash with statistical realities, noting that while the "smoke detector" bias explains why men pursue opportunities aggressively, it does not excuse inappropriate behavior when women clearly do not reciprocate interest. Ultimately, the dialogue highlights a complex interplay between evolutionary psychology, cognitive biases like overperception, and cultural artifacts like romance novels, challenging simplistic assumptions about male promiscuity versus female relationship focus while acknowledging that both sexes are equally invested in love but process sexual stimuli differently.
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What about men being more turned on by
visual triggers?
>> Uh yeah, that's another another big sex
difference. Um both sexes
are to some degree, you know, both sexes
are interested in good looks in a mate,
but it's stronger in men than in women.
And the main reason for that is that the
traits that we consider good looking are
associated with with youthfulness and
fertility
for both sexes.
Um but men place a greater weight on
those traits because because of
menopause, basically. So, the fact that
um that they place more weight on
youthfulness in a mate because
youthfulness is more closely linked to
fertility in women than men because of
the fact that women's fertility shuts
off about you know, 2/3 of the of the
way through the lifespan.
Yeah.
So, yeah. So, men much more interested
in visual sexual stimuli, as
psychologists call it. It's part of the
explanation for the fact that um
men are much more avid consumers of porn
than women are.
>> What is the reason that women are much
more avid consumers of romanticy and
romance novels than men?
>> It's it's an interesting one, isn't it?
So, that's the the standard sort of
differences in consumer preferences that
we hear about. Men are much more into
porn than women. Women are much more
into romance novels.
Now,
now this is interesting. We've talked
about the fact that
men on average are more interested in
casual sex than women.
And people often assume that the flip
side of that is true as well, that women
are more interested in long-term
relationships than men.
But actually that's not the case. Uh
typically what we find is that men and
women are about as interested as as each
other in long-term committed
relationships. In falling in love and
forming committed bond with with a
partner.
>> So, you haven't reapportioned the sex
drive relationship drive desire from
short-term to long-term for women. It's
just that they don't have this addition
that men do of the one-night stand.
>> Exactly right. But bearing that in mind
>> degree.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh bearing that in
mind uh the the fact that women are so
much more interested in romance novels
is interesting
and sort of slightly unexpected. You
would You might expect that both sexes
would be interested in them. Um, so so
why is the case that women are more
interested in them? I guess evolutionary
speaking, I I don't know. They They do
seem to be despite the fact that
actually men do seem to be very invested
in long-term relationships. Bunch of
papers have come out recently actually
saying that in in a lot of ways men are
kind of more more romantic than women.
They are more likely to suffer after
breakup.
>> Fall in love more quickly. Say I love
you more soon.
>> Exactly. Exactly. So, why aren't they
more into romance novels? I don't know.
Maybe they're just too busy with the
with the porn. But
>> True. Uh, dude, I mean I I sat next to a
lady, lovely lady, floral dress,
slightly slightly older lady on a a
flight a few months ago and she had a
iPad up resting it and it was a big big
[ __ ] off font and she was reading some
romancey thing and she was getting to
the good stuff.
And
I mean I couldn't I was like we have
legalized We have legalized women
reading porn
>> in public.
>> in public and it's not I mean I
It was She was having a She seemed to be
having a wonderful flight and I got my
When someone sits next to me and they've
got an iPad, I think oh, that's that's
great cuz it's going to whatever the
Kindle or something, it's going to
influence me to be not be a degenerate.
All I wanted to do was put a pair of
blinkers on. [laughter]
Focus on some brain slop stuff.
>> I've never
I've never I've been meaning for ages as
a sort of anthropological study to read
one.
>> Excuse it however you want.
>> I haven't got around to doing it. I'm
going to do it. I'm going to read a
romance novel at some point. I have
heard that the general theme is
boy meets girl.
Boy is a bit of an [ __ ]
Uh, girl tames boy and then they live
happily ever after. And they do involve
sex, right?
>> Well, yeah, I mean there is some sex in
them. At least there was in hers.
>> And the one that she was reading.
>> Um,
I mean there's some interesting stuff,
right? The number of uh, if you have a
single a sexual fantasy mental sexual
fantasy, men will cycle through, I think
it's between four and six different
partners on average during the or six or
46. Four and six, I think, but it
depends who you are.
Whereas for women, they tend to have
fewer maybe maybe just one. Now,
I don't know, but I'm going to guess
that this would be reflected in romance
novels. In fact, I know that this is the
case because I've been on the cover of a
bunch of them. And
during those novels, at least
I would say on average most,
>> Yeah.
>> the women
who are the protagonist aren't cycling
through multiple male suitors.
And if they are, even if you look at
movies, movies like The Notebook or
Titanic or whatever, it tends to be a a
pivot between two different life
directions. Yeah. It's not a kind of
ruthless conveyor belt that is closer to
sort of the the typical male fantasy.
But yeah, the the men being more turned
on by visual triggers thing, I think
make makes makes an awful lot of sense.
I remember in Bad Men Buses Book, he
talks about how there is an area of the
brain that exists in men that lights up
when they just see something that's
remotely sexual. A a
pair of rocks that look like boobs.
>> Putting a coin into a vending machine.
[laughter] You're [ __ ] kidding me.
>> I thought that it was a joke. I'm not
sure there's actually research on that.
>> wouldn't surprise me.
>> No, no, likewise.
>> There is something penetrative about
gambling and it was on top of the risk
taking on top of the
That's it. Um, over perception bias as
well. Another
great example that I learned from Bad
Men by David.
>> Yeah, yeah, and that's um research by
him and and spearheaded by his former
student Marty Haselton. Yeah, the sexual
over perception bias.
Yeah, that refers to the fact that uh
men are more likely to
infer sexual interest on the part of a
woman
falsely like like falsely infer it than
women are on the in the case of men.
They're so they're more likely to think,
"Yeah, she's into me." when actually
they're just in a little dream world and
that's not actually true.
>> Men are more likely to think that women
are interested in them than they are and
women are more likely to think that men
aren't interested in them when they are.
>> Yeah.
>> And I think that the data shows
the level of attraction that men assume
a woman has toward them is roughly equal
to the amount of attraction that the man
has toward the woman.
>> Right. Right. Yes. Right. Yeah. Exactly.
So, it seems to be maybe some kind of
projecting yourself into the world kind
of bias.
>> Yeah. So, it's a failure of cross-sex
mind reading, but it's also specifically
in a in an over perception bias here
too. And this is smoke detector
principle. If you as a man
had the opportunity to potentially bag
an available and attractive woman and
because you weren't sufficiently
vigilant in detecting it because you
underplayed your potential success
likelihood as opposed to overplayed it
>> Yeah.
>> you are going to have an error of
missing the opportunity as opposed to
the error of an awkward and clumsy
rejection.
>> Exactly.
>> And this again, oh [ __ ] I'm just going
to have to keep saying it.
Does not excuse guys in the workplace
with the receptionist in the printing
room having an awkward fumble that she
absolutely didn't give off signals for.
>> dating
>> However,
>> Yeah.
>> this does explain how you get to that
situation or why it is that on average
men seem to be unless you're the CEO of
Who is it? Procter & Gamble? Who is the
one that that Indian dude made the whole
[ __ ] um conspiracy theory about? It
went insanely viral. I bet your fish
head Asian wife doesn't have these
cannons. Do you remember that?
>> Goldman
>> Goldman Sachs.
>> All right.
>> Goldman Sachs. Yasmin's mom works at
Goldman. We should get the inside scoop.
Um
uh
Yeah, my get my guest back his mom is
like real real high up at uh Goldman
Sachs. And then there was that huge Did
you see this thing kick off a couple of
months ago? I don't think I was so.
Uh it just it was a a guy me tooing a
very very high up
um
>> Right. Okay.
>> Exact.
>> Yeah, a bit of a royal rumble or
something.
>> a Goldman. But as soon as the proposed
accusations came out, there was no It
was so rare. It was like the most It
would have been incredibly extreme for a
guy to do.
>> Yeah, yeah, yeah.
>> And the fact that everybody intuited
like really?
>> Yeah.
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