THE SUCCESS TRAP: Everything You Know About Fulfillment & Happiness IS WRONG! | Matthew McConaughey

You have been successful by virtually any metric that a human being can be successful. Fame, wealth, longevity of career, family, you seem joyful. But I have found that when most people go after success end up getting lost somewhere. So, I'm curious, what do you think it is that people get wrong about success? Is it they don't have the right definition of it? Or they pursue it in the wrong way? Like, how is it that so many people get lost? I think probably because the destination isn't what they thought it was going to be. I think it very rarely is. Even in things that have I've succeeded in that have fulfilled me. The headline that I chased was always different than I thought it was going to be once I got there. Oh, once I get there it's going to feel like this and it's going to mean this. It's going to be some sort of ta-da moment. Oh, I did it. Which is never true. Cuz we constantly update our iOS for what we call happiness for every peak we seem to get to the top of where joy is more of I believe uh the the the the the doing what you're fashioned to do and enjoying the process. And I I've got thankfully some proof in my life that I got more results when I was a got obsessed with the process than I did when I was chasing the results. So, hiding in that is a sense of there is a thing that you should be pursuing or maybe even ought is the right word. What is that highest level thing that people should be optimizing for? Is it joy, fulfillment, accomplishment, hard work? Look, I'm a I'm a big goal chaser, headline writer. I I need accomplishment. I need achievement for my own significance. When I don't have it, I do feel more insignificant. I think that's more of a weakness of my own spirit to feel maybe not as alive and as confident when I'm not achieving. But that's that's that's sort of another category. Is it a weakness though? Like this to me is getting what I'm really trying to drill down into is you you have achieved so much at such a high level. You also seem joyful. No one knows but you what it's like to be inside your mind, but I would say that people necessarily need to work hard towards something that is what I call exciting and honorable. It needs to excite you, but it needs to elevate you and other people. And when I think about what one ought to do, that's what I'm always like, that's what you ought to do. I'm and I like the word ought. I think it's fair for us as mortals to say, "Hey, we can call an ought, not just a maybe." I think there is a right to passage to an ought. I think we're an involved enough species to say, "No, there is a right and a wrong. There's a better path and an and an and not so good path." There is a transcendent self at least to chase, a better self, a projection. I think it's fair to project and believe in a delayed gratification that no, I want my life to have some escalation. Yeah, I know it's going to have its downs and ups, but I want to have at the end at least have a small ramp. Or what the hell we doing here? Or what is evolution? You know, so at least to chase after that. I I I find myself I call it over see. And it's it's it's it helps me and it's it's it's helped me with satisfaction and it's given me a lot of joy, but it also I'm still have to wrangle and get a handle on it. What I mean is I have such high expectations of others, of myself, of a piece of art, of what a place is going to be like that I'm going to vacation at. And it never lives up to what my imagination is. And intellectually, I'm quite sound and going, "Well, you got the eight cuz you went for the 10. If you went for the eight, you might have just got a six, maybe a best seven." So, bravo. Or you trusted the person more fully than maybe he or she trusted you, but in doing so, you allowed them to trust you more. So, actually, it formed a more reciprocal relationship and allowed a deeper and better relationship and was more successful for both of us than if I wouldn't would if I would have gone in trusting less. But, reality very seldom lives up to the idea I'm chasing. And in my own reality, very seldom lives up to what I'm chasing. I'm just still working on shaking hands with, well, bravo. That's as good as it gets. You don't get to You're not going to get to that 100%. You're not going to reach that perfection. And you know what? Sometimes A minuses and Bs and Cs in class are That's pretty damn good if you got a real measurement. And and 100 and an A plus is like, whoa, that's Utopia. That's Eureka. That's heaven on Earth. And being How quickly can I go, all right, there's nothing else I can do? Now, I'm happy with that result. Let's see how I scored. Um So, I mean, I think at least we all We all bend a knee to something, whether that's our past, our future, our children, our transcendent self, our better self, or a god. And I think that's, you know, as a religious person who who believes in God, am I trying to live more in God's likeness? As I As far as I understand it, yes, sir. Well, before you move on from that, I'd be very curious to know. So, in This came up in the vein of like, okay, we're trying to optimize our life. There is a thing that we ought to be doing. Uh I am not religious, but I find that it is an incredibly useful tool for a lot of people in terms of giving their life framework. So, when you think about bending the knee to God, what What does that mean, exactly? What um What ideal does that represent? Seeing a beauty that that is immortal that I that man had nothing to do with. In all living beings and in people, seeing a an a major capacity and potential in people and in myself. Um seeing past weeds that are all over in myself, in people. And and and and seeing a beauty on the other side and then getting the person, seeing seeing people realize that in themself. Um I don't know if I've no proof, no one does, that there's going to be life after this life. But I'm and I'm not looking forward to leaving this life, but I'm damn excited about what might happen when it's time. It it humbles me in a in a way that it gives me great confidence. Where it didn't used to. It used to humble me in a way that maybe I felt more lowly or my head would bow down and my shoulders would slump. I believe it helps me try to the ought to aspire to more what I ought to be it more daily and be on that be on that grind or when it's easy to to to enjoy that downhill and go, "Yes, doesn't have to be or you don't have to break a sweat all the time." It it it it can be easy to see the beauty and to and to to get a reciprocal reaction from the world. When the world's in reverb and is giving back what I'm giving out, that's when I feel more when I'm not objectifying the world or either or people is when I feel like I am in in closer living closer to God's likeness. I'm chasing an immortal finish line with no proof that there is an immortal finish line. And even if you scrap it down to and I have had my agnostic years, atheist years, and have many close friends that are both. But even if you scrap it down to if I'm wrong, oh, let me retrograde that. I'll think I'll have to do it different. You know what I mean? I think it's still a compass that helps is hopefully helping me be for lack of a better term, the the the the best man I can be day to day for the things that I value the most. And they keep my believing that keeps me striving for that and keeps me humble and and and sort of sober to not be overly flattered or impressed with the wonders of mortality, which I see every day. And I'm like, "Wow." See people do create art something that's better and different than I could do it. To be able to go, "Wow." but go, "Oh, that's just a mortal thing." That's just Oh, that's something that we're doing in this little blip of time we're in. So, it gives me great great courage, I think it as well, when I am most spiritually sound, which is not always. Yeah, I think everybody struggles to stay on the straight and narrow. But the thing that I find interesting about religion, I think everybody, myself included, has a god-shaped hole in their heart. And I've heard Jordan Jordan Peterson quote Carl Jung in saying that basically Christ, while all about mercy, ultimately comes back as a judge. And that Jung was saying that the the point there is that any ideal that you're striving towards, right? None of us are going to be Christ, but we can aspire to be Christ-like. And it gives you I actually really like the definition that you were giving about your faith gives you something that allows you to see who you could be through the weeds. And to see that beauty of creation, humanity, the transcendent. And at first I thought you were going to get into like that it's about awe and just being uh kneel in the face of awe. And there actually is, I think, wisdom to that, but there's something even more profound about what you were saying, if I'm interpreting you correctly, that, you know, whatever it is that you're trying to achieve in life, it is going to be difficult. There are going to be hard times. And I've heard you say something that I think is very powerful, which is, never see yourself as a victim. And so, as we're all going through this life, and things are getting difficult, and you're trying to hold on to that image of what you could be, of what life could be, and you're getting lashed by, you know, the the reaches of the jungle, but that whether it's religion or just what one ought to do, that you have a very clear vision of what it is on the other side to keep you pushing through all that. Now, you have an event coming up called the Art of Living. Is that what you mean? Ah, well, that's sure part of it. It's not a not not that you have to be a believer in the art to achieve the art of living. It's It's based on this event that we're going to do on the 24th is is I believe there's a science to satisfaction. So, there's the science. And that's the knowledge. And once we learn make choices that measurably pay us back, give us more residuals for longer term, for longer time in life, we start to fall into that wise place of being able to navigate the art of living, where life becomes a little bit more of a dance, where we see the context, we see the innuendo, and we see the subtlety, and and and and and and we have to make a choice, and both can look the same. And it's like, "Well, what am I going to call an audible here? I've got a playbook from the science of satisfaction, but what's my choice?" We start to work off intuition. It goes from the intellect down into the the body, and that's when it becomes an art. Um that's an individual practice, I think, for everybody. But what we're going to do on the 24th is dive deeper into the sort of the the the digits, the actual measurable tools of how to get more satisfaction out of life so you can get into the art of living, which it is an art. You know, facts and and and and and and and faith. The facts and the science, that's the that's the science of satisfaction. The faith and that's what the world's doing without our doing what and when our hand whether our hands on the wheel or not, where that road goes and how to navigate it, that becomes the art. Um but the two are not a not a not a contradiction. Now, when I think about the great artists in music, especially for somebody living in Austin, seems like um a great example. So, if you want to be an incredible musician, one of the things you're going to spend a lot of time on are scales. So, you're going to be Once you master that, you master the instrument and the finger movements, I'm assuming one's playing guitar in this analogy, uh and you master all of that stuff, then you can express yourself, then you can be creative, then you can, as you're saying, you know, create that art. So, when it comes to the art of living, what are the scales? What are the things that people can practice? Obviously, I've read your book, which is tremendous, Greenlights for anybody that hasn't read it yet. Really amazing. Listen to the audiobook. It is unbelievable. But in that, you give a lot of these sort of like um look at things this way, try this, what you were calling your bumper stickers. What are some of the things that you think for somebody that really wants to to do the dance of life well, what are some um ideas that they should hold on to that will allow them to dance well? So, where Greenlights was an approach book, as you said, hey, approach this, have a new perspective. Maybe we've had a look at this or that, our red lights and our green lights and yellow lights and our What we're going to try and get into in the 24th is talk about more again the process of it. Um and I think the process right now, especially coming out of a universally disrupted foggy last few years with COVID. Disrupted our lives to some extent. Things seem to be clearing up. The fog a little bit of fog is clearing up. We can at least make some plans and projections a little further down the road than we were able to. No matter where we were, whether we we couldn't trust in a plan either from ourselves or someone else much longer. I couldn't go much further than 5 days over the last few years. But that projection's extending. And we can make plans that I think we can trust on further out. I think we need to start with what I'm calling we have to admit admitting more. Not judging, admitting. Let's get rid of the lies. Process of elimination first. Before we get on with playing offense, let's admit the lies that we tell ourselves. Let's admit the lies that we believe that the world tells us. Let's admit the ones that we keep under our vest for our own convenience cuz they kind of been getting away with them and they kind of been Let's just admit that. Don't judge it. I'm not saying so I can lay that hammer on you and go, "See, you son of a bitch." I'm not saying that and doing and I'm not and I don't think any of us should be doing that to ourself right now. So there's a bit of amnesty and just admit it. Don't judge Let's admit the lies that we tell, we believe, and the Kool-Aid we know we're drinking, the candy we know we're eating, but we like to call it broccoli because hey, it gives us some identity and some sense of purpose. Let's clean the slate there first. And then I think we need to define what we want more of. The world tells us every day it's a it's on more it's quantifiable only. There's a lane. There's a There's 360°. That lane that is vertical is packed with traffic. Everybody wants on that lane. We're being told retail therapy, success, more money is the only way to win this life. I have no problem with any of that. But there's 359 other lanes in the degrees of 360 that have a lot less traffic on them that but have a lot more qualitative value to them. So, where can we scale wider? Where can roots go deeper? What define what we want more of? Yeah, we all need to pay our rent. But I'm sure you know what I know. I know a lot of people with more money than anyone else the most money in the world and they are have some major gaps in where in their own sense of joy. And a lot of them people will admit it in the last years of their life and go, "Oh, What was I doing? Why did I pack the U-Haul behind the hearse?" You know, um so, can we define our own more? What we what we value the most and make sure that we're giving that. We're tending those gardens as well. And it may it's going to be individual and those values that scale will change through life. My values are different now that I have kids than before I had kids. They they are. Things things move up in different levels on the from from one to 10. Um so, then defining our more, defining what we value. Um big on big on values. I think values are the way forward if we can define that and also re-re-re-rewrite our social contracts, which are very murky right now. What what we can expect from ourselves and each other without signing the paper. Yeah, cuz I I agree with you on values. I think they're incredibly important. I'm constantly trying to get people to understand something I call frame of reference. So, your frame of reference is how you see the world. It's like a funhouse mirror that you have self-warped to show you the world in the way that matches up with what you believe, what you value, uh your routines, and the rules in your life. But anyway, most people values is probably the most important. What are the values that you think that we should be aligning around? You've talked a lot about uh sort of seeing yourself as a minister of culture. And I've heard you talk very well about like Austin and we need to define certain rules. What do we do? What don't we do? I'd love to hear like just at a high level what you think us humans, like what is the closest thing to a universal value system that will lead to fulfillment is my word, but Yeah. Um Okay. I'm still writing out these what I think are would be fair to have have in the algorithm for universally. Um and I'm open for things to be added. Um look, one that is consistent that I that I always come back to that I think we could all shake hands with more is a certain responsibility. And how our freedom Like taking responsibility? Yeah, a personal res- responsibility. Um and how how res- how you can't have true freedom without having responsibility. Um gratitude. I I I I I believe gratitude is something that if you're thankful more thankful for something in your life, you give it more value. It therefore has more meaning. And when it means more, you take care of it and you scale it and you're more generous. Gratitude actually leads to more generosity and I also the end point, which I want to come back to, I'll come back to again and again and again. That value as well as many others is the most self-serving value. So, I have a lot that I believe that all that I I believe all these values that we need to be the more truly selfish we are to serve ourselves, the more we can actually serve others, the more selfless we can be. We just have to get those we we see those as a contradiction. Um delayed gratification. Some would say it's a sign of maturity. It's just an investment in our self to just believe in our self enough to project to say I'm going to pass up the plastic ring today for the gold crown tomorrow. I'm going to maybe make a sacrifice today for a a Monday off instead of the Friday off if I'm getting a long weekend. Give yourself the Give yourself the extra win, the freedom. Be cool to your future self on the back end. The long money, whether it's investment something for our kids or thinking about another the next generation or what we would do I I I I I had this little simple situation the other day. I pull in I'm going down the down the road out here. It's traffic. It's 5:00 traffic. Cars pulling in from off onto the highway. I let this car in. Few cars behind me honked the horn. I let her. It's a woman. We drive for 10 minutes. I'm going home. This woman in this car remains in front of me. I go to my house. I pull in my house. I see she pulls in next door. She's my next door neighbor. I get out of my car. She gets out of her car. She yells over, "Hey! Matthew, thanks for letting me in. You need anything, let me know." So ultimately letting her in was a selfish act. I got someone who's looking over my house, checking out my property, looking out for me next door. I didn't do it because of that, but you're invisibly you don't know when you're creating a sort of an army uh of soldiers. There's a way we can act where you can and I'm not going to Some would call it karma, but there's actions and choices we can make where you're building goodwill out there that will serve you the most. Even though someone say, "Well, that's a selfless act." Well, ultimately I think it's a selfish act if you redefine selfish, which I'm trying to do. Um responsibility, how that leads to freedom. Gratitude, how that leads to generosity. Risk-taking is one. Forgiveness is another if you get real repentance from the person who persecuted you. Um that measure David Brooks talks about it, you know, if I do you wrong, it's first your I think it's first your step to come to me and go, "Hey dude, that wasn't cool. You picked my pocket. We We We had a deal and you and you and you screwed me over." Now, I have to either go, "Yeah, so it's a character trait. So, don't don't don't don't do anymore Don't deal with me anymore." Or, I have to really repent and go, "Geez, you're right." And And if I convince you that I'm really truly sorry for that, now you get to not only forgive me, but go, "Come on. Now, I'm a soldier for you. I'm a soldier for you." So, forgiveness is actually really selfish in that in the in that in that uh situation often as well. I would say, "Look, I think we can all be a little bit more accountable to each other. Um, we are It's so easy. No one's embarrassed anymore about over-leveraging themselves. And I'm always saying, "Dude Dude, just say what you can do and do what you say. If you can't do it, just say. You do me a favor by just letting me know, 'No, that's not for me.' Thank you, bro. I'm just checking." You know, we don't like to hear no. No, please tell me no, instead of walking my dog with these yeses, but never following through on it. You're doing me a favor. And I'm not going to be upset with you. So So, to be more to to admit what we can and can't do. Where do you think that comes from? The inability to say no. Is it the discomfort of not being able to do something for you? Is it um, like Hollywood, so I'm sort of tangentially uh bumping into Hollywood and one thing I find they never just say no. They won't. Everyone says yes and then if it's a no, they just don't show. And you're like, "Dude, or you could have just told me no. I did I There's somebody else I wanted to invite." You can reboot your life, your health, even your career, anything you want. All you need is discipline. I can teach you the tactics that I learned while growing a billion-dollar business that will allow you to see your goals through. If you want better health, stronger relationships, a more successful career, any of that is possible with the mindset and business programs in Impact Theory University. Join the thousands of students who have already accomplished amazing things. Tap now for a free trial and get started today. But now you just did the no showed on me, you know? And I always I try to practice I'm a no until I'm a yes, cuz I don't want to over leverage and go you don't know if he's going to show up or not. I don't like it when it's done to me. Where does that come from? Um Look, in some cultures no is a put this considered a put down. I was just in Vietnam. They never say no. The furthest they get is they go maybe, because it leaves it leaves it ambiguous. And if they don't follow up on it, you can't really condemn them. But a no in Vietnam is a put down. It's like, oh, you just lowered me to a lower level of humanity than you by declining what I what I offered. I I I think we should embrace the reality of no much more quickly. My my favorite friends, the ones that we have less mendacious talks, the ones that I can trust, the ones that I respect the most, are the ones that I'm like, "Hey man, this project I really think drive you." And they're like, look at they're like "Dig it, man. I'm not for me." I'm like, "Ah, okay, thank you. We don't have to each other with all the extra words and walk the dog and carry put a flag on that email because I got to follow up on that, but I'm not quite ready to say no to I'm going to flag it again and let's get a chain going back and forth time when you should have said and 6 months later tell you no and you're like, "Dude, why didn't you just tell me back in March?" It would have been easy. It was I wasn't going to take it personally, you know? Um Do you think some of that comes from people don't know they don't know who they are, they don't know what they want? I find that a lot of it come like the Hollywood thing is is different. I think they're not sure what's going to work and so or who's going to be hot so they want to make sure they leave all doors open. But I think a lot of times people are they they don't have clarity themselves about what they want. They're trying to do too many things. They haven't narrowed down their focus. This is my own like I am very much talking to myself here. Uh, it is so hard for me to go okay, there's 99 doors I could go through and only one that I should go through and it's very hard to shut all of those doors. Yes. It is. And I understand keeping options open. But there's a way to keep options open that's not at the expense of tooling someone else along whether it's in a relationship or business. And and it's even fine to say that that thing that we think, oh, I bet this other person doesn't have 99 doors open like I do when the fact is they probably do have 99 doors like you do that they're keeping open. So when you tell them, hey, in the context of this situation, I got this this and this and this going as well and we only got 24 hours a day and I got to measure what got because if I do this, I want to be fully in. I'm going to be fully committed. I don't want to half-ass it if I do it. So let me to be fair to you, let me let me I I need some time to measure this. And then to come back and go, man, I took this other opportunity. I I I I don't have room for the one you have offered me. It's hard to say, but that person respects you more when you do that and I respect that more when that's done to me. So looking at your own career, you've you've done some hard rights. One I always find it fascinating with people that have had longevity like you've had where it's you've reinvented yourself multiple times. But and you know, we talked last time we were together about the the big one where you stopped doing rom-coms. We're not to re-tread that, but I'm curious as you move into this year what you're doing with the art of living, um, getting into the you know, the how one the art of living, just really helping people with wisdom that you've acquired over the years. But man, like that's a that's a new phase. So, how do you think about that as you go from one phase to the next? It is it sit down, meditate, talk to the family, run numbers, like or is it gut, intuition, God told me, like how do you a little all that. And thank you for that list, and I think that list could even go on. Um look, man, you know, and I look at the mirror and go, you know, what am I what do we what things are going really well. What did what did you just hopped up and decided you want to, you know, hadn't made a movie in 4 years. And yeah, I did. Am I going Is it you Would some call that a midlife crisis? I don't call it what you want. I I may have talked to you about this the the last time, but with the challenge that I found myself instinctually putting on myself was this. I was like, this is why it's part of the the writing of the book. I go act, I'm going through five filters. Someone else's character, someone else's story, directed by someone else, lensed in a camera by someone else, and edited by someone else. That's five filters for my raw expression. I was really wanting to go, what's the my raw expression? Well, writing a book is one filter. It's a written word. Right now, we're filterless, even though we're virtually talking to each other. It's direct communication. It's stand-up is a direct communication, no filter. But this going through Now, I I I I've trying to challenge myself and instinctually been challenging myself to say, look, man, the big movie, McConaughey, the big show is the one that was called action was called once in you were born, and cuts going to be called once when you leave this life. That's the big show we're all in, that we're all the main character in, our own show. And it is being recorded by the hands of time. Who Who are you in this in this in this in the show called life, McConaughey? What do you give a damn about? I'm doing my bet right now. My highest value is my family. If I go there, I know I can't go wrong. If I spend time tending that garden, I know I can't go wrong. And I got 18 years to do it with each kid. And I know that's going to go by fast. And that also means trying to be the best husband I can to my wife. I I truly believe if I go there, I cannot go wrong. Is that enough to get me off every day to make me feel completely significant? No. I still have creative juices in me that I'm like, I got to do I got to create something a piece of art. I got to dispatch something. I got to put something out. Tell a story. I'm a think I'm a pretty good storyteller. Go and do it through other characters. What about What if I was What story am I telling? I write every day with something comes. I don't have a time where I sit down and write. 24/7 some of my best ideas come at 2:00 in the morning. Definitely argue actually the truth that my best money-making ideas come after midnight. But the best the And then I'll go and I'll look at everything and go All right, you wrote for 3 years. Have a look. What are the themes? Some of the the the new themes that I found that I want to share are having to do with defining things we're talking about. Admit, values. How do we get more joy? How do we get more balance? How do we How do we more cool? And re- I love redefining words. I don't mean cool like, hey man, be cool. I'm cool. Cool is being yourself. That's a damn hard thing to do though. But boy, if we can do it when you hear me talk about Austin, that's the DNA of Austin. Just be yourself, man. And that DNA is getting tested. Now, but that's that's that's what I love about it people. That's what I love about people. That's why I like nerds more than dorks. A nerd knows who they are, man. They're on the front row, making straight A's in math and arguing about Star Trek and they're Great, that's cool. A dork is different. Dork tries to be the something to everybody and they'll be whatever they think you want them to be. Oh, man, I don't I don't like hanging around with that person. I can't trust them. They're fair-weather on everything. I even appreciate an more than a dork. At least I know where they stand. You know? Um So, I'll gather I'll gather my stuff, see what the themes are and now I'm aligning those and starting to figure out the best way to share them and then and share them with the world and hopefully people find them entertaining and maybe helpful. Yeah, if it's anything like your book, I have no doubt that it will be. I want to talk about risks and indecision. So, one of your values is risk. You want to see people take more risk. I'm I will assume that you calculated something that has intention. But, what I find is most people So, partly is the fear of the risk, so they don't move, but part is that when they have all these different things as they're trying to make a decision about how to reinvent themselves, what to do next, they're not pushed enough in any one direction. Now, I have a rule in my life that says I can make a mistake, that's fine, but I can't stand still. And so, that's really helped me. Now, it's caused me to make some mistakes before, but the when you look at my life in totality, the level of success that I've had is because I never allow myself to stand in indecision. Do you have a similar rule? Like, how do you finally get over the finish line with something? First of all, damn it if not at least 99, maybe 199 out of 200 times might be the percentage. The real rubber of the road of if it fails is never as dire as we presume it was going to be. I've also found consistently that those people that do na-na na-na boo-boo you when you fall on your ass are on the sidelines for a reason. That the real heavyweights that you want to be around that I know I want to be around are usually right there helping you up or sitting next to you and going, "Me too, man. Nice try. I don't What's What's the next move here?" And you're like, "Oh, yeah." And that That's not misery loves company. That's actually, I think, more success or maybe there's a better word, loves the company. Um Making a decision I wrote about this in the Look, I do think and I've had to push myself to do this, sometimes just making a damn decision and committing to it is the best choice because not moving, that indecisiveness between two things, that limbo, you can walk that freaking tightrope forever. And you think it's going to last a week and then it's a month and a year and a freaking decade and then you're looking up and you're going 15 years later going, "I haven't moved." I said we opened up the talk on this subject. I know for me, man, most things that I went after, that that headline I chased, that decision I ranked, that risk I took, when I got there, the headline was not the same. Or I took a feeder on the road, but just the the movement to make the choice, to jump and not fall, to affirmatively take it, just gets things in motion again, man. And all of a sudden, it's the it's it's it When things are in motion, now Now we're mobile, as you were talking about. We can call audibles on the way. We can meet somebody that is a new opportunity cuz just it just shifted it. And And And I know it's like putting WD-40. I can have stuff in my life that gets stuck and starts getting rusty and it's like, "No, man, just make a move. I don't know which one to And make one." It's not the Any of the ones And often that happens where you're like, "Either decision that you think one is paramount and ONE'S NOT, THERE'S NOT THAT BIG of a difference. There's not as much of a dichotomy or contradiction between the two damn decisions we're measuring all the time as much as we make it to be. Um and back to the beginning it's the wrong one. The people you give a damn about forgive you for it real quickly. They're like, at least you were in the game. At least you were on the side of yeah, come on, I'm in it, too. There's room on the field for the people that that you want to be playing with. I think there is so much in what you just said. So, there's two things I want to try to tease out there. So, one, there's this idea of the people that take the biggest risks are the people with the biggest the most secure home life. And so, I I find it interesting that it seems like you have a very stable home life from both the relationship that you had with your parents, your siblings, to your wife, your kids. You talk a lot about that. And so, I have to imagine that somewhat plays into it. The thing I say to myself is, look, if I lost everything, if I have my wife, I'm still good. And then the idea that the the failure is never as bad as you think it's going to be. And so, when I think about what would make a failure bad, it it's because you value yourself for the achievement rather than the pursuit. Do you think about that? Like, so even when you say it, you have like this cheeky look on your face of like, you know, even if it doesn't play out. And I can see that you like the the tightrope walk of like really trying something that has a shot at failing. So, what, going back to values, what do you value yourself for? Is it achievement? Is it pursuit? Is it something else entirely? Um I think I overvalue achievement. I value achievement more than I'd like to. More than I wish I needed. Perceive but for my own significance. And you said to admit it. Yeah. And at the same time I I'm not boo I'm not poo-pooing that I that I that that I'm ambitious and want achievement. You got to have I like goals. You got to like to chase things down. Greatest strengths can seem to be greatest weaknesses. I can preparation is one of my greatest strengths. I also think I'm like sometimes like as we started off the conversation, man, I can point, aim, aim, aim, aim, aim, aim before I shoot. I'm like, "Shoot, Rog. Go. Take the shot. Who cares? TAKE THE SHOT. You're prepared." You know, so I can I can I feel like I can cuz I can prepare forever. I'm never get tired of preparing. I can go prepare for the rest of my life for one thing and feel like I still could use more time. So, I think it can keep me sometimes from taking a risk. So, I have to catch myself and go, "Dude, you got it. Let's figure out this out on the field. Let's get it in the game. Let's get live. Let's make that choice, that affirmative move and and and and play it live." As much as I like to prepare, I do take I do I do I do I do take risk though. But I when I'm best, when I'm most myself, it is the pursuit cuz I don't like landings anyway. I like entrances and exits. I do not like I cannot stand destinations. It's never the it's it's never fulfilling to me. It's never It's you know, the entrepreneurial spirit of me hops up and wants to go, "Oh, no, create a better reality. No, that's not good enough." And I have to go, "Whoa, whoa, that's that's that's pretty high level for reality, bro. Appreciate that. Go back to the gratitude. Whoa. Go back. Level out." Because I mean, that's a big balance, isn't it? You got to be able to get hopefully be get off to reality enough to not go insane, but at the same time, if we're not impressed, create our own impressions, which is the entrepreneurial spirit. And that's part of that. I think another art of living for people that are that are that are that maybe are achievers. Where do you balance that? Where do you keep updating the iOS to go, I'm going to create a better reality or I'm going to keep chasing that? And where do you go, man, I just need to look the world in the eye as flat and see the beauty in it. And Mel, a lot of times that's where the inspiration will come for me when I can level and go, oh, it's right in front of you, man. Just do it. It it it Cuz I have a feeling that what we are all really doing is you're vacillating between I really want to go hard for this thing. I really want to achieve it. You're giving into that and then you realize, okay, now that's starting to be too much. I need to be awed by the beauty of this. I need to remember what my ideal is. My ideal has to do with family and values and all that. And then as that resettles and your foundation feels firm again, then it's like, okay, I can dream again and I can push myself. But I I think I I think it is that. I mean, you you called it a dance earlier. It you really are like you want to push it until it's like, ah, maybe this is a little too stressful or a little too much risk and so now I'm going to back off. But the people that break and give up or that they, you know, they touch the hot stove and they're like, I won't even cook again. It's like, that to me would be the wrong response to a problem. I'm with you 100%. I believe that we quit as people too quick now. I think that's one of our big faults is we quit too quick. Oh, it gets a little hot. Uh-oh. The relationship gets a little off. Uh-oh, I'm out. Pull the parachute a little too quick. And and I you can't commit fully to everything. There are some relationships that shouldn't last. There are some pursuits in our career that you go, no, I got to pivot. Pick another thing. But commitment to get obsessed with making something work is a is a wonderful freedom. Because you don't when you give yourself the non-negotiable, you don't give yourself the out. You don't give yourself the crutch, you don't give yourself the net to fall in if you do fall, you could you you I don't know you I find that falling and I kind of hop back up or or I don't fall at all because my feet are off the ground. I'm actually flying. I love that the I think we suffer from the reverse of Icarus' story more than we do Icarus' story about it. Woah. For people that don't know that story, hit them with it. Yeah, so Icarus takes his son flying and then he's angel, right? I guess. He's got the wings and wax on his wings and the sun went to go, "I'm going to go up there close to the sun." Icarus is like, "Woah, woah, woah, it's too too hot up there." But the sun doesn't listen, flies too close to the sun. The sun s u n melts the wax on his boy's wings. And so the boy falls back down to earth and in the ocean. And you know what that moral of that story is. Hey, hey, hey, hey, don't don't fly too high. Keep going. I think we suffer from the opposite. I think we get up there and we think it's getting hot and our wax our wings is going to melt and it's only 50° F. It's like we're not even close to the wax even close to to to melting, man. What are we talking about? We put these mortal lids on our our capacities all the time and it's actually arrogant of us. I think it's extremely arrogant of us to do that. Rather than being, "Oh, no, no, no, that's that's I'm wanting too much. I need to be humble." No, I think it's arrogant to say, "No, that's that's that's that's enough. That's that's that's this high as the roof can be. That's as much as I can do." And what do you know what happens? We choke. We we we we get nervous. We fumble at the goal line and you're like, "Dude, you're at the 10-yard field." What do you mean? You know, you know, I love that this for sports analogies that Bo Jackson, he didn't run just across the goal line. He ran across the goal line through the end zone and through the tunnel. You know that that that that if we That's what I mean when I talk about a mortal finish line. If we put the If we understand that the finish line is way on the other side. It's not even what we can conceive and perceive. That's mortal. It's measurable. That's That's not even close to the real finish line. Boy, all of a sudden the task feels more like an experience or an experiment. And I'm able to be much more in the process when I feel like that finish line is way out of my sight line. I can't even imagine it. And I'm able to do whatever it is I'm doing better because I don't even think I can get to the result. That's the point right there cuz I don't even think I can get to the result. The actual result unreachable. Well, great. So, let me just chase it and see how close I can get to it by the end of my life. That That That's That's what I mean by when I say earlier oversee. That's what I mean by that. That's when I feel like it's all the pursuit. Mhm. All the process. That's when I'm happiest or have more joy and getting more done and look around and I'm the and and valuing more correctly the things in my life. Why is that? Those stable things in our life that we do have up above that we know as you said your wife that will will be fine. We just take care of that. Sometimes they need us to just Hey, quit looking over my head. Just just just Look Look Look at me right here. World's flat, man. Our feet are on the ground. Gravity's real. Just just Hey, just want to sit here with you. Can we not think about what's around the next turn? Can we not think about doing anything better? Can we not think about how to improve nothing for a second? And just sit here and there's real value in that and it can be it can be hard. Think it can be hard on ourselves, too, but I sure do applaud the the the the ambition of that. How do you keep that relationship with your wife so good? Is it uh do you guys have rules? Is it just quality time? Is there Is there some magic there? I don't know if there's magic, but she's always we've always rooted rooted for what is essentially what we love about the other. That that I had even before I met her, that she had even before she met me. Um we do have some structure in that science of satisfaction. She has created some science that at least doesn't let us get too far into the red, meaning like when I go to work on a project somewhere. Before we have our kids, she goes, "You want to have kids?" I said, "Yes, ma'am." She goes, "Okay, one rule, you go, we go." That's means What has that meant over 14 years? That has meant the longest I've been away from my family is 9 days. Wow. I know, I even say that, I'm like, "Wow." And that's her doing. That's her going, "Uh-uh. That's how it's got to That's how it's going to be." Big Some would say a big sacrifice for Yes, but she's doing it for our relationship and the family. And that has helped because I do get obsessed and just want to go fly, and she does help me when I go out the door or go to my office these days, she does help me go, "Don't look over your shoulder. Go conquer, go fly, go do it. I got things are handled back here. I've got it handled. If I need you, it'll be an emergency, and I know where to find you." Huh. There's a great privilege and freedom that she she gives me in that to go do what I need to do. To to to be the a wolf and a renegade and a creator as as as I like to be. Um and then it takes patience cuz I'm not I chase some things down that I don't end up they don't end up adding up. And you look back and you go, "It's easy for someone to go, well, let's let's prorate that last 3 weeks when you I just let you go and nothing came of it." You know what I mean? She she doesn't keep score on me and go "That one didn't count, so now you owe me because that one didn't come to fruition." She doesn't keep score on me. Even though I don't like coming back with my proverbial tail between my legs going, "Hmm, swung and missed at that one." You know what I mean? But thanks for letting me go get obsessed with it for a while. Um so we're pretty fair, I think, with each other. She's definitely fair with me, probably more fair than I am with her. You said that you're a wolf, a renegade, and a creator. What What does that mean? And the one that I really want to know is wolf. Well, wolves wolves go off on their own. Wolves are also anti you know, you want to you want to you want a wolf like a coyote. You want to get a wolf to to to do something ask him to do the opposite. You know what I mean? I'm like I tell directors and people I work with all the time. I say, "Dude, I'm easy to work with. Just don't tell me what to do." Suggest and like but but but but if you and I even tell them, "If you can make me believe it's my idea I love working with them." But and I even tell them, "I'm giving you the trick, Steven. Just trick me." And I love to be tricked and I'll go with it. Just make me think it's my idea. The truth is hitting your career goals is not easy. You have to be willing to go the extra mile to stand out and do hard things better than anybody else. But there are 10 steps I want to take you through that will 100x your efficiency so you can crush your goals and get back more time into your day. You'll not only get control of your time, you'll learn how to use that momentum to take on your next big goal. To help you do this, I've created a list of the 10 most impactful things that any high achiever needs to dominate. And you can download it for free by clicking the link in today's description. All right, my friend, back to today's episode. I love a singular experience when I'm alone doing something, intuiting something, having an experience. When I'm with someone else, I sometimes have trouble getting that same full experience, but being able to go, "Oh, and it's with someone else." Sometimes I feel like, "Oh, I'm only getting 50% because I had to reference something with someone else." Or say, "Hey, what do you think?" Or experience that even a sunset. It's like, and I That's my own thing I got to work on cuz I should be able to when I'm when I'm when I'm when I'm cooking and catching Okay, when I'm catching green lights, I can have that full experience myself with a million other people. It's still my individual experience, but I I I do sometimes have to block the whole rest of the world off and tell everyone just get back. Let me go find out. I want to suc- I feel I want to feel like I If this succeeds, I can look myself in the mirror and go, "Good job." I want to feel like if this fails, I can look in the mirror and go, "That was on you." I want to I I want to know that. Just want to know one way or the other. And if we get too many cooks in the kitchen, I'm like, who's to blame then that it since it didn't work? Or who's to herald it that it since it did work? Do we There's a There's a way to do that, but I still have to work on that. And that's what I think what I mean by wolf. The renegade, obviously, I have uh a guess not being confined, conforming to other things, but blazing your own path. Is there um more to that or is that just Is that innate to you? Is that what your parents taught you to be like? Is there a value in there? Well, my parents were definitely outlaws. I mean, they If you you read the book, he said my mom made up all kinds of existential rules. That poem that that that poem that that won in the seventh grade poetry contest when she gave me that poem that I didn't even write it. It wasn't mine. It was from Ann Ashbery. It was like "All that I would want to do would be to sit and talk to you. Would you listen?" And I'd written in my own poem. When she looked at it, she was like, "Ah, that's all right. But what about this one?" And I read it. She goes, "Do you like that?" And I go, "I do like that." She goes, "Do you understand it? What does it mean?" I said, "Well, yeah, I do understand it. Sometimes you just want to talk to somebody. Just someone to listen to you." She was like, "Yeah. Write that." And I went, "Wha- What do you mean write But it's not a poetry contest. I got to send She goes, "No, write write that." I go, "But this is from Ann Ashbery." She goes, "No, you understand it. I It means something to you personally." I went, "Yeah." She goes, "Then it's yours." I write that poem, sign my name, won the seventh grade poetry contest. So, That's hilarious. we plagiarized it, but it That's That was my mom's outlaw logic was from her, stuff like that. So, I suppose part of the renegade comes from from them to to to think and make your own realities. Um But I'm not you know, the I'm not There's certain things that that that that socially, politically, that we just all kind of you look up one day and it's like, "When did that become sort of status quo? I Did I miss the class that everyone just all of a sudden said, 'Yeah. Dude, that's that's business. That's politics. I mean, I know I had them over Christmas. I know they spent time with my children, but now they lied about me and cheated stole, but hey, that's just business. I'm not ready to shake hands with going, "Oh, that's just the way it is." WHEN DID THAT JUST BECOME, "YEAH, that doesn't go off those things don't go off my back like water off a duck's back. And I'm not ready to and I think that's part of growing older though, too. What things do we start to forgive all in the world and ourselves? Because we get older, we understand it's not like young revolutionaries, it's not all black and white. So, we start to see the shades of gray and all the different the truth and there's context and there's there's both sides two things can be true, but the slippery slope where we can go wrong with that is going from skeptic to cynic. From going to, "Oh, yeah. I don't really stand for anything because yeah, it's all just relative and everyone can just it's all personal. Everyone can just do define it their own way." I think that's a slippery slope. So, what do we start to let go of? I know that's something that I'm constantly challenged with as I'm growing up and I'm 53 now and um me like most people don't want to be that stodgy guy that's just still stuck in being all nostalgic about the way it used to be or anything like that, but also don't want also know that true progress doesn't mean just saying yes to everything and throwing everything in the past out. So again, I think it's a more of a paradox than a contradiction. What are the tried and true tested values from the past that will work in the future no matter what the future hold. And how do we adapt and what do we accumulate and take on and keep learning from that we want to adapt in our lives? When I think about where we're at, like you, I would like people to understand that everything's a trade-off and that the the goal one to what we're talking about earlier, we have to all decide what that thing is we're optimizing for which as you pointed out we are not actually optimizing for. If we're paying lip service to it, we're doing a very poor job of actually measuring whether or not we're making progress. Uh and then getting people to and I'll go in on your sports analogy here, like if what you're doing is working, your score will reflect it. And so I feel like we uh and now I'm just stealing speaking of plagiarism from uh one of my favorite economist, a guy named Thomas Sowell, who said the last 30 years have been marked by exchanging what worked for what sounds good. And I get the temptation. I actually really get the temptation because like you want to do that thing that's like, "No, man, I care about everybody and I want to see everybody win." But if you try it and it doesn't work, it's like then you have to be honest that there's more complexity and actually now I'll quote you. You have a quote that I think sums up why we have some of the trouble that we have now, which is there's no way to have a collective society that's healthy without having an individual that's healthy. That's not exactly what you said, but I think that's the right idea. And that's why I like if somebody were to ask me to go into politics, not in a million years, um because one, what you said does not sound fun to me to be in that kind of fight. And then two, I think the right way is to focus on the individual. Get the individual living by a value system that makes sense. Give them a belief system that's optimistic and gets them to believe that if they put time and effort into getting better at something, they will actually get better, what I think is what you mean by chasing yet, which is something that we should talk about. Um and so getting people in that mentality, taking responsibility, taking accountability, realizing they can get better at something, but they've got to put that time and energy into doing it. That's where I want to help people focus. I I'm with you 100%, but again, if we can just project a little further and believe in ourselves, which we have the capacity to do in our own ability to think and approach things differently. Maybe even just a day out. Everyone's got a different projection level. At my best I can project I can try to get to my eulogy. Not there, not for long. But it comes back and usually can only go, you know, handles hangs around a couple months out. You know, or or or or a couple years or 10 years out is when I'm doing really good. So for some people the projection level may be this afternoon. Great. Start there. Just to go an hour If you can only go an hour ahead to project and for make a little choice now based on that projection of what's going to pay me back, am I going to be have more pleasure, how am I going to be cool What decision can I make to be cooler to my future self in 1 hour? Do that. Each hour. That would be incredibly helpful. And we we don't seem to connect to the the the the lineage of how our present decisions affect our future existence for ourselves individually. Collective change only comes with an army of individual changes. There are choices you made yesterday that are helping you be more calm, less stressed, and know shit's handled behind your back right now while you're present talking with me. You organized things. You prepared. You did certain things that are allowing you to be more present, to be more successful, to to that are that are that are helping you succeed. Like you want to do and ought to do. You can go back and find them. They're they're they're choices we make and we again we know the one We're not going to do it perfect, but we know the ones that give us the proverbial hangover that make us go We know, I'm not saying and I'm also never not saying that this is not supposed to be super fun to do either. I'm talking about it. I'm talking about teaching the beer drinkers to have some little water between the beer. I'm not telling you to quit drinking beer. I'm saying no, have a glass of water between the beers so you can party longer with more people and party better. I'm go. But there's a there's an there's an investment to make today and projection helps with from we're going to go to Vegas Friday and we're going to take the lid off. And we're going to go without a curfew. I'm not going to Let Let me get done what I need to do Monday Thursday. Give myself a buffer. So I don't go into the debit section when I can't handle being there Monday. I mean, just a little projection for our indulgences, which we should have and can have, but pick our spots, know our zones a little bit, have a little context for where it is we're going and when we're going to be complete hedonist. Which we should be, but pick our spots. Um so I'm not talking about responsibility being no fun, but there are metrics to it. I mean, we I've seen them. I've seen people do it. I've seen myself when I've done it. I've seen myself when I didn't do it and gone back and was like, oh, right there, you didn't measure that metric. All right, well, no You're you're you're scrambling right now breaking a sweat going Yeah, you didn't prepare. Yeah, you you you you you chose to forget about that responsibility and you didn't intend to it and that's why you got all That's why you're pulling more weeds now. No The Monday morning weed pull. Let's talk about the red sports car story of mine that gave me this false sense of confidence when I got my red sports car, man. And I quit being me cuz I was relying on the car to be cool instead of me just being me which was bit which was being cool. We all got red sports cars and I'm like these things these lies that we rely on to do the work for us. We know they're a fad, we know they're a facade. We know they're not us. We wear we whether it's whether it's what we wear I'm not me, man. I'm the name on the back of my jeans. No, no, no, no, no. Remember everybody, you're wearing the jeans, they're not wearing you. Whatever those things that we get we label ourselves with and we get we falsely label ourselves. We almost give ourselves extra credit for labeling ourselves cuz they pump us up. They make us feel more identified, more part of a group in that echo chamber. And they're not real AND THAT'S OKAY TO love them and have them. Let's just admit they're not real. They're not really you. They're not to what's going on with you and on your own at 2:00 a.m. between your mind and your heart and your conscious. We all got that. It's not asking people to be overly considerate to have that little bit of introspection without these labels that you know, I see our kids in social media. We can go on and on about this. Thumbs up means they're going to be confident that day. Thumbs down, uh-oh. Now they're feeling What did you say? Did you say depressed? What? Why? It's like what you're getting your identity from a bunch of strangers that are just throwing labels that don't even know you? Number one, got to learn to handle that better. Number two, not really sure that's we we got to watch that as adults for our kids. What are your rules with your kids around social media? Well, the oldest one, none of them are on social media yet. I got 14, 13, 10. Even the 14-year-old? Is he not beating you to death? He's he's banging on the door. Um and we have at this point said he has a presentation to give us. To come to school. We said, "What's your story? You tell us what your story is." And I heard this the other day and I think it's really and I've been repeating it to my to my son here lately. It was like, "Look, the one of the problems with the social media is that people start to just do things because they think it'd be a good post even though it's not something they want to do. So, who's leading who? If you have a If you have a healthy post, it's you doing things you like to do that you then go, "Oh, this would be cool to record cuz I'm doing it and I like to do it rather than oh, I'm going to go do that because that would be a really good post." So, who's wagging who? Make sure you're going to have to go You're going to have to navigate when you get on social media what's wagging who's wagging who, you or what you what you your your perceived popularity and what you want to post. So, we're navigating it and it's scary. Um I think my son's got a head on his shoulders. He can measure it, but I've talked to him about it. Said, "Look, man, I get a good review. Do I feel better than when I get a bad review? You're damn right." And I'm 53 and I got a family and I've succeeded and I got all reason to not give a damn, but it mattered. I could feel it. So, I'm even susceptible. You You're 14. You're going to hear certain things. Someone's going to like It's going to give you a sense of what you think you like or don't like or how much you approve or not. And it's coming from strangers. So, can you handle that? And we're going to I think we're going to slowly let him get into it. Not yet. Got to come with the presentation and then we have to go forward with seeing what what how how how much it's an actual exchange back and forth, you know. Do I run it? Does my social media guy run it? Does he not have it on his devices, maybe? And it's just a dispatch things that he he he thinks that he likes in life that he might want to share without worrying about what we talked about. You can't chase that number. Can't chase that number. That number's not real. It's a great exercise to go through and with though because it's making him consider well, be objective about well, who am I and what do I care about in life? Yes. I was going to ask you if if you're talking to him about that because, you know, when I think about the event that you have coming up, when I think about Greenlights, when I just think about the the concept of the art of living. It's like you've got three kids. You're going to have to teach them the art of living. Like, how do you What is that foundation that you lay for them? Because social media, man, that's You want to talk about something that'll mess up the art of living real fast, make you self-conscious in a way that's not useful, that will shape at that age, oh my god, that will shape the sense of who you are, which then actually impacts who you become. Woo. Hey, man. Scary. I mean, look, we've we've got a uh we have some practices, again. This is part of I think engineering part of it and we sit down for dinner every night. We sit down at the home-cooked meal. We sit down and we go around the table after our thank yous and we talk everyone talks about their day. That simple thing, which might sound old-fashioned, it's a sobering, grounding event of community within our family. And my 91-year-old mother has been at the table every night for the last four years since she's been with us. So, are you guys using that to shape values in that moment? Yeah. It's It's It's It shapes values in that No, you can't go watch something on TV while we're doing this. We're having dinner at the table. It's just us. No, you have to go put your work homework down. You can you If you hadn't got it done, you got to do that later. Now, it's time for us to sit down and eat. But, that's more important than my homework. Well, right now it is. Maybe since you know we dinner at 6:30, if you feel like now you're going to miss the family time after dinner to sit down and watch something together, maybe right after school you could get get that homework done so you could be cool to your future self tonight and be able to watch what we're all going to watch instead of having to go do the homework because you're not doing it when we all sit down to eat. Mhm. Delayed gratification. Um we talk about what matters. But they know we're successful. They know that I'm famous. They know their mother's famous. They had I remember they had this this uh um couple of them at school, "Oh, I bet you I bet you live in a big house, man, since your daddy's rich and famous." So, how did that make you feel? And someone was like, "Man, it didn't make me feel good. I kind of lowered my head." I was like, "Why?" "I don't know. They're just kind of pointing me out. And I mean, we we do have it good." I was like, "Never lower your head for anything that we have." I go, "Your mom and dad have worked as well as we could to get what we have. We've done it as fairly as we could and we tried to be as competent and as good at what we do and job and supply something that was in demand that has given us the ability to live in the house we live in and drive the car and have the food that we have. So, never lower your head on that. You don't gloat about that either. That makes you no better than your friend Joey who doesn't live in a nice house or has to take the bus cuz he doesn't have a car. Mom and dad don't have a car. That make you any better than that. But you do not lower your head in any kind of shame for things we have. We're trying to live as responsibly as we can. We're trying to give in the right ways. Could we give more? Yes, and we're still trying to work that out. But but don't don't don't don't lower your head in any shame to who you are and what your mom and dad have. Now, do I worry also about entitlement with my kids? You damn right. Cuz bud, man, we we inherently get backstage passes. You know what I mean? We inherently get to the red rope and let in in a lot of places. And I'm like sometimes, "Oh, my kids to wait line and have to work their ass off to get to the front row of the concert sometimes. You know what I mean?" I want to I broke a sweat doing that. I want to make sure, you know, so we talk about the definition of success. We understand that the affluence we have or the money I've made does not it's wonderful, but we talk a lot about character. How do we get it? Well, how did you earn that? Earn. Don't deserve. You don't deserve anything. And just because you're our children, you don't deserve anything. You inherently will get into certain doors maybe that others may not, but it's it's on you. You have to abide or or you have to you have to live up to whatever's needed once you're in the door. Um we, you know, look, man, soccer ball hits a damn cactus and bu- and pops. We got five other soccer balls in the damn garage. But I got to go No, let's get the rubber and the glue and fix that flat. I want You know, I want to teach that you don't Yes, we can get another damn soccer ball. But let's work on maintaining with the having things to means maintenance. Can we work to repair that instead of yeah, you know, it's broke, so let's get a new one. They're getting us seeing inherently us taking care of my mom for four last 4 years. Hoping that that's instilling in them the value of maybe taking care of us if that time comes. Later in life. Respect for elders. There's times where their grandmother's coming from a you know, that greatest generation just hardcore and bam, this is how it is and then they're like, "Whoa." And we're like, "But you respect that." You She's earned the right. You respect what what Mom and Mom Max says. You can disagree with it. But let's discuss it. Cuz her reality was different than yours. You know, so we're we're always talking about those things and I believe they are, you know, I want I hope my hope they're all somewhat Renaissance men and women. That would make me the most happy, you know. Son loves to surf. Want to make sure he can still as comfortable put on a tuxedo at night if he wants to go to the ball, you know, I want to be able to be in both places to feel at home in the world. And that entitlement, I think about that with my kids. Want our kids to make sure they understand that we have it really good. Have more gratitude for what we have. Sometimes they need to go see someone who doesn't have it as good and maybe go help them out and live in their shoes for a while. I think that's we we try and do that with our kids as much as possible. I love it. The instilling values, what you're doing what you did with the book, what you're doing now with the art of living, the event, which I think is really exciting. If you want to tell people when and where to go for that would be amazing. Uh April 24th at 9:00 a.m. Pacific. Um artoflivingevent.com. You can go there and reserve a spot now. It's going to be myself, going to be uh Tony Robbins, Dean Graziosi, Trent Shelton, Marie Forleo, and we're going to get under the hood of Greenlights approach and get into the process and hopefully share some tools with you individually that you can apply in your own life to one get on the road road to the science of a satisfaction you can have to then get into the art of living and that's when it becomes to dance. Um where the knowledge turns to wisdom and that's some of the stuff we're going to really be sharing and trying to share on our level, your level, and a level that we can all utilize. I love it, man. I think people are going to get a lot out of it. You have a way of making this stuff really accessible for people. So, everybody be sure to check it out. That is a pretty stellar lineup and Matthew, everything that you've shared today is amazing and it will be that times 10. So, and everybody by the way, if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care. Peace. If you want to be successful, mindset is everything. Check out this next video and learn how to achieve all of your goals. One thing that people do not understand is that you can literally change the way that you think. You can rewire your brain and develop a mindset