The Sergeant Who Groomed Me: A Police Officer’s Shocking Story - Becca Nicholls Tells All

Now, it was my mother figure who was one of the older officers. >> She confronted me and she said, "You know, I feel like I know what's going on. Be careful. He has a reputation. He has a wife and children." I was like, "What?" A couple years before I joined the police, he was actually charged with rape. >> So, a victim >> Yeah. >> reported a crime. He's went to the job and end up having an affair with her for 22 years. >> Yeah. while still married, while seeing you and engaged to you. >> Yeah. There was a swinging club that was nearby and he wanted me to go there. Anyway, when I when I got into work, my chief inspector called me out and he said, "I've had I've had him on the phone." He said this. I just looked at him and I couldn't believe that he'd ever called the police, called my boss and said that about me. And there was this car going up the road. I remember just running in front of this car. This car hit me. I went down. He wanted me to do things that I weren't comfortable with. So, for instance, he had these like fantasies. This week's episode is sponsored by Change. Change is the number one mentoring program that teaches you e-commerce from scratch. Change has a real community with real results. I have attended many of his events and retreats across the world and got to meet members and the amazing community of like-minded people. Ryan works with a lot of big names in the business world, helping them build online businesses and e-commerce. Change offers personal one-on-one support. No experience needed, but like anything, this takes time and is not a get-richqu scheme. Go follow Ryan on Instagram at RyanjiB and he will guide you through the steps to help you get started and build a successful online business. And you can watch the full podcast of me and Ryan talking about his life from where he has came from to what he is doing now. You can now follow me in all my social media platforms to find out who my latest guest will be. And don't forget to click the subscribe button and the notifications bell so you're notified for when my next podcast goes live. Boom. We're on. And today's guest, we got Becca Nichols. Becca, how are we? >> I'm good, thank you. Are you? >> Yeah. Thanks for coming on the show. Mad Story. >> Yeah. >> Rex Copper. >> Yeah. >> Relationship with the sergeant. A lot of lies, a lot of deceit. Then Only Fans. >> Pretty wild story. >> And some of your videos you used, you've got the police uniform one. No doubt that will get a lot of client tail >> as well. But before we get into all the madness, always like to go back to the start of my guests to get more of a bit of understanding about you, where you grant, how it all began. >> Yeah. So from the accent, Birmingham, Sun Cfield. Um, growing up, me, my mom, my dad. I have a sister as well. She's 10 years older than me though, so quite a large age gap. She moved out when she was about 16. So I was only about six when my sister moved out. So I grew up effectively as an only child in a way. So I liked that. Um my mom and dad they were they've been married 35 years now. So long-term marriage. Um we are a close family. Really close to my mom. My mom's like my best friend. She's been my best friend growing up. Always been my best friend apart from obviously further when things happened but we'll get into that. Um, my mom and dad financially they gave us everything. Like couldn't have had a better upbringing, but it wasn't a case of if we want it, we get it. If we want it, we've got to wait for it. If we need it, we had it straight away. So, they made me like learn the value of money, which I appreciate. So, upbringing wise, it was really good. I was the the tomboy really into my football. I was captain of a lads football team, Beacon Stars, and then I went on to play semi-pro after I left the lads. Um, played for Wolves women for about a season and then signed for Burton Albian. Played for Burton Albian whilst obviously studying GCSEs etc. I was an A star student to be fair. I was a bit of a geek, not a massive geek, but it come naturally like academia and stuff. So, I applied for um university and that was the original plan really was to go study sport and exercise science at LRA. >> Surprised though, good upbringing. The majority of sort of only fans and criminals and porn stars come from the broken home. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> So it's surprising you're very >> one of few who have actually got a steady household. >> No drug addicts, mom and dad together. >> Not really any excuses. >> No. No. So it is surprising because I noticed that a lot of people who enter like Only Fans, etc. They've come from like domestically abused backgrounds or something's been wrong in their childhood. But for me, I never really had that. Um my parents were obviously older. They were classed as older parents back then, but um they gave me everything. My mom did. My mom gave me everything. Um so I can't complain at my upbringing. >> So good kid at school. No trouble. >> No, I never had a detention. I never had one detention at school. I was so good. Um I was focused on like my studies. So our GCES I was like top 5% in the country for my results etc. So the plan was obviously Lubbury University go and study sport whilst also playing football for Burton Albian still. So that was always the plan growing up but it didn't didn't work out like that. >> So the plan was football university. >> Mhm. >> So where did it all change then? Because why quite fit, exercise, football? >> Yeah. >> Head on your shoulders to then join the police. It's quite a negative job. Obviously, people do it >> for the right reasons as well. They'll try to clean up the streets and try to do good. But >> the majority of coppers who I've interviewed struggle now because of that lifestyle, that role that they see all those negative things daily. But what was your decision to then want to be a copper? >> Do you know what it was? I heard that they were recruiting. Do you remember the old radio station BRMBB? >> No. >> Okay. So, it's free radio now. And it come up on there that they were recruiting for West Mid's police and I was like, "Oh." And they were talking through the application process and I thought, "You know what? I'm going to apply for that secretly." So, I applied for it. And uh I didn't tell anyone. So, my family didn't know that I applied. And um well I got in I had a phone call when I was in six form. I was in the school canteen and I had a phone call saying like I'm through to the next stage which was like vetting medical and I was like shit I've got a decision now. It's either like carry on playing football, not know whether I'd make it, you know, in women's football and do sport at uni, get into loads of debt, or go and be a police officer and see where that takes me. And they were offering a wage as well at that point. So, you'd get a degree and you'd also get a wage. So, I was like, you know what? I'm going to go be a police officer. Because I thought the role was going to be quite physical, quite hands-on. It's the complete opposite really. But that's what I thought it would be like. >> Why did you not think you would make it out of the football? >> I don't know really. I think because I was playing for Burton Albian, it wasn't exactly like Birmingham City women or Arsenal women or Chelsea. And you think, well, what money am I really going to make? And you know, like I loved football. I really did love it. I loved playing it. Even to the point when I left Burton and joined the police, I actually wanted to carry on playing. So I joined another team when I was in the police, the new Saints women, I lasted about 3 weeks. And then I was like, I can't do this with night shifts. I can't. So, I did try, but it just weren't it just weren't feasible with the job. >> Why did you not tell the family you're going to be a coper? >> Do you know why? My dad's background, etc., and my dad's family. Didn't really approve of the policing role, which I can completely understand. Right. My mom, she was obviously like, "Yeah, go for it." A bit scared. Um, but when I told them that I'd got in, it was like, you know, my mom was like, "Oh, wow." Like, you know, I'm a bit nervous for you, though. My dad was like, "Okay, Beck." Like, that's how my dad is really. He's quite laidback. So, I was like, "Oh, I don't know whether I've uh" But eventually, he was like, "Do you know what? I'm proud of you. You go do you." >> It's not very often you would rather your daughter be a copper than Only F. the only fans would be a copper, but I'm sure your dad and that would probably prefer you to be a copper. Especially if your family are dodgy or people hate the copper like some whatever era you're from, you can grow up to hate the coppers. >> So you tell them you're going to be a copper, they could go, "Yeah, I can't believe that." But then you tell them you're going to only fans, they probably prefer you being a copper. >> Yeah. I bet my dad thinks >> you like, "What is she doing?" >> Yeah. So, but eventually they were both happy for me. My mom and dad were both happy for me and I was earning money as well. So, the first thing I was doing was saving all that money towards my first property. >> What was the steps to get into the police force? What sort of training, especially at 18, is it just the same as everyone else's training? >> Do you know what? A lot of people probably think it's quite physical. You have a fitness test, etc. So, you do have a fitness test, but let me tell you, you spend 12 weeks in a classroom. So, you all spend 12 weeks in a classroom learning the law, learning the different law and what different words mean. How is that going to help you be a police officer? I hated them initial training bits because I found it boring. I was like, what have I done? I've joined this job and we're all sat in a classroom learning about the law. And then you have a fitness test. Now the fitness test is the bleak test. I think you've got to get about 5.4 on it, which is ridiculous. You know, my nephew could do that. It is ridiculous. Like the requirements and then you just have like a little mini interview and that's about it really. a medical um vetting and as long as that's all fine, you go in and then you have a tutor phase where you're with a tutor. So as soon as like you've ticked off all your boxes with your tutor like arrest this person, stop and search a person. As soon as you've ticked all that off, you're then independent and you go into your own little team and you'll go on rotations and Yeah. >> What was the feeling when you got in? >> Um, I was I was proud. I I wasn't really nervous either. I weren't nervous going into the police because I've been around like lads as well for my whole life. Quite disciplined. Like I was refereeing as well in football when I weren't playing football. So like I was used to having shit from people basically. So when I got in I weren't really that scared. It was kind of like I thrive off fight or flight. It's a bit weird. Put me in like a fight or flight situation and I'll thrive. So for me, the ideal policing scenario was like New Year's Eve where there's a pub fight, I'll run into that and I'll jump in cuz I love that shit. Like, yeah, I'll try and split it all up. But if you go into if you're going to tell me to interview someone, I'll be like, "Oh, fuck's sake." >> Boring. >> Yeah, boring. >> How are you treated? Good looking girl, young 18 years old. Were you treated differently? Do you know what? I got a lot of attention to be fair in the police. >> Did you know this? Did you play on that? >> Do you know from the age of 18 when you get that attention it is like wow. So you are like it is nice to receive that attention. >> Did you ever have it before being the geeky girl referee? >> Um I said in the books did you have attention when you were younger? >> Do you know when I joined the police was when my relationship ended. So I did I did have actually have a childhood lover. So I was with him for 2 years whilst I was doing exams etc. When I joined the police that ended and it was probably because of the attention I was receiving. You know they always say like join the force get a divorce. That is so true because it's crazy. It is crazy what it's like in there. So I joined and immediately like I did have all this attention and it was like a whole new world. You literally enter the world of policing and nobody understands it unless you've been there. It's crazy. >> What was your first arrest? >> Assault. It was ABH assault. Yeah. I actually got my first arrest right and then I got my second one straight after. So in the same night shift. I remember I was buzzing. I was like, "Yeah, just arrested someone like like it's the be all or end all." I look back now and I cringe that I was like that. I'm thinking, "Oh god, no." But um both of them were assaults. So you have your different levels of assaults, but both of them were assaults. And at that point, I was in Wolverampton Response and then I moved to um Titan neighborhood. So I was on a neighborhood team. So yeah. What's the neighborhood team on the beat? >> Yeah, so you basically deal with like neighborhood issues etc. And um that is where I met him. So the sergeant and neighborhood's more about dealing with you know petty crime I'd call it. For example, like your neighbors are being too loud. You know you've got an issue with your neighbors, keep arguing with them. It's not like response where you put the blue lights on and you go to jobs. It's like it's petty shitty crimes. >> So you're 18, you're enjoying your new sort of career path. >> Mhm. >> And then you meet the sergeant who's what nearly 50 at this time. >> Yeah. Yeah. So he was 27 years older than me and he basically took me under his wing. I remember meeting him the first day. Um, we went into the office and it was all professional. He talked me through exactly what was, you know, going to happen whilst I was on this rotation. So, I was to stay there for 6 months basically on that team with him. Um, and it was all very professional to start with, you know, he was actually lovely. He was actually lovely to start with. You couldn't have asked for a better sergeant to start with. Obviously tables turned but initially I was like wow okay I really do like this team because I feel like the person who's overseeing the team mentoring me he actually cares for the person that's what he was like >> you think that was part of his sort of not grooming but charm to get you to believe in that >> oh yeah definitely he seen me walking first day and he thought you So, let's pray on some vulnerabilities. That's how I see it personally. >> And how many people are in this team? What ages, how many male, how many female? >> So, there was about seven people on our team. You had two older females. One of them I seen as like a mother figure. She was lovely. Um, and then you had about four of us that were basically students. So, three of them were males and I was the only female and then just the two older ones really and that was all of us. That was it. It was quite small, quite a small team and then there was obviously him overseeing that all of us. >> Was there an attraction to him at the start? >> Nah, there was never a physical attraction like that to him at that point. It was when we started going to jobs and he was quite the assertive authorative officer, you know, the sergeant, quite protective. You know, when we were all on the van together and you had to get out and go to a job, he'd be like, "No, one of the male officers get out of the van and deal with that bean the van." You know, and it was quite like the protective vibe. Do you know what I mean? So suddenly someone who's not physically attractive whatsoever starts to become attractive. It's weird >> by being dominant >> by being like protective in a way. That's what I mean. Protective because obviously he was sending male officers out to the jobs and I was like >> but I don't know if he's being protective or just sending him out to the jobs to spend more time with you. >> Yeah, that is true. Yeah, that is true. Because then on like the van it would just be like me and him left on the van which was a bit weird but then the lads would come back and then we'd all regroup. >> And what would you talk about in the van? Was there any sort of remarks made or was it all low key? >> It was all low key to start with really. Um the first time that the boundary was crossed between like professionalism and obviously flirting etc was I was on a job with we had sectioned a lady a woman and me and the male officer were on this job and we were meant to finish at like 11 on the night and it was our last day of it was our last day of work so we were going into rest days and we ended up finishing at like 4:00 a.m. I had a message from the sergeant on my personal phone now. You have like a work phone. You have a personal. He messaged me on my personal. And he said, "Um, is everything okay with the job?" That was it. And I said to the mail officer, I said, "Have you just had a message off the sergeant?" And he was like, "No, have you?" And I was like, "Yeah." And I was like, "It's on my personal phone. Like he's just asked us if we're getting on okay." And I responded. I was like, "Yeah, all good. Going to be off late." And he responded, "For being off late, you can have anything you want. Payment, toil, etc. Kiss kiss." I didn't tell the male officer about that message. I thought, "Shit." I thought the sergeants just messaged me that. What do I put? Right. What do I put back? Obviously, I'm 18. I'm kind of like, "Oh, shit. I've got myself into a right situation here now." So I did put messages back. I put kisses back. Sorry. >> Was that the first team he had put kisses? >> Yeah. Yeah. And then the kisses just got gradually more and more. Um whilst I was on this neighborhood team, I got a lot of arrests. So I was doing really well like in terms of you know they pride themselves on figures and stats the police do. So I was doing really well. So the day after I was off late and we first had that initial engagement of like flirty behavior, kisses, he actually rang me on the night. So I was in my mom and dad's living room and I had a phone call and I was like, "Hello." And he was like, he was in the pub clearly. Now I know his behavior. He was clearly in the pub when he rang me that day. And um and um he basically said, "Put me on to your mom." I was like, "What?" He was like, "Let me speak to your mom." And I was like, "Okay." And so I said, "Mom, the sergeant's on the phone." My mom was like, "Hello." And he was like, "I just want to say your daughter is doing amazing. She's killing it in the police. She's honestly striving like singing my praises. He was singing my praises. Like my mom couldn't be prouder. She was like, "Oh, that's lovely." Like, "I'm so proud of her." Blah, blah, blah. And he said, "I'm going to nominate her for student officer of the year." So, he ended up nominating me for student officer of the year, but that was his engagement with my mom at first. And my mom said, "He's lovely he is, isn't he?" Because he was saying, "I know she's young. I'll look after her. You don't have to worry about her. She's on my team. I'm going to protect her. You know, she's really doing really well. Even my mom thought in the beginning. What What a lovely sergeant. West Mid's police have. What a lovely bloke. Obviously, it didn't turn out that way, but that was the contact and then a relationship formed from that. Basically, >> who made the first move? He's obviously the moves are being consensual. >> Yeah. >> With text messages. If you're replying back, not putting the blockers on it, well, you still are >> accountable. Obviously with your age and him being a lot older, >> he's he has abused his power. But >> yeah, >> was everything consensual then? >> Yeah, everything was consensual. Yeah. So, you know, I hold my hands up to that it was consensual. Um, but I was 18. I was naive as well. I didn't know, you know, he had a previous as well that I obviously found out about. So, he had quite a reputation for this. So, a couple years before I joined the police, he was actually charged with rape and them allegations were dropped. So, the charges were dropped. Um, but that obviously showcases a pattern of behavior. This was against another officer. Showcases a pattern of behavior. Um, and so when I went back to work, the relationship just started from there. Well, I didn't realize it was a relationship until he said to me like, "I want this to be a relationship." So, I'd always go into the office. He'd call me into the office, you know, to talk about a job. And so, that's how it began really. >> Was it exciting for you at this time? >> Yeah, majorly. I was It was that adrenaline. I was so excited. It was like risky, exciting, something you shouldn't have. I had I didn't have, but I thought I had. And so it was like, wow. You know, it was exciting. >> Did you agree to the relationship when he said that? >> Yeah. Yeah, I did. So, I entered a relationship. Yeah. And then people on the team started to realize them two are acting different around each other. Like the sergeant and Beck, they're acting different. >> In what sense? Flirtatious. Just >> Yeah. Flirty. >> You can tell any workplace you go into, you can tell if the if something has changed between two. >> The looks as well, >> the eye contact, etc. like when you're on briefing in the morning and he's reading the jobs, everyone in that room could tell something's going on between Beck and him. Now, it was my mother figure who was one of the older officers. >> She confronted me and she said, "You know, I feel like I know what's going on. Be careful. He has a reputation. He has a wife and children." I was like, "What? He has a wife and kids. She was like, "Yeah, hasn't he told you?" I was like, "Nah." I was like, "I didn't know that." >> Did they not have a wedding ring on? >> Nah. No wedding ring. Never wore a wedding ring. Never. So, I went into the sergeant's office and I said, "One of the officers have just said this. What's going on? We'll talk about it after work, babe. uh meet me here. We'd always meet at the pub. >> Was he an alcoholic? >> I believe he was. Yes. Because of what happened later on down the line. I believe he did. He enjoyed a drink. So, we'd always meet at the pub and um I remember I went to the pub and I was absolutely brokenhearted, you know. So, we'd been in this relationship for about 2 months now. I was 18. It was my first independent rotation. I was on his team, you know, and I thought I didn't believe he had a wife and kids obviously until I was told. We went to the pub and he said to me, "I'm not with her. I'm not with the wife. I'm just in the house because the kids, they deserve a dad. My mom left me when I was this age. you're allowing me to be the father that my kids need me to be and I love you for that. And that was it really. >> He's fucking good, ain't he? >> He's really brilliant. >> Master manipulator. >> Yeah. Especially with some someone so young and naive, it's easy to believe any bullshit that he's saying. >> Yeah. And one thing as well, I wasn't a drinker. alcohol. But when we'd go to the pubs, he would always want me to have a drink. You need to relax, babe. Just have a drink. Just have a drink. You need to relax. So, I'd end up drinking and I don't drink. Like, so for me, that was outside of my comfort zone, but we'd always go to the pub, then get a hotel, and that was how it went. So meet at the pub after shift, hotel, you know, see each other in work, hotel. That's how it was all the time. >> You're not questioning the hotel thing. >> Well, because my first ever relationship, I was quite young when I was in that childhood relationship. I didn't really know what a relationship was. I didn't really understand it. So for me it was like, okay, he has a wife, he has children, can't exactly go around his, couldn't exactly go around mine with my mom and dad. So for me it was just like that was the compromise. Do you know what I mean? That was the where we had to go. >> What is the sort of rules and regulations about having a relationship within the police force? So if you have a relationship, you have to disclose it. You shouldn't be working on the same team either. Obviously, we were on the same team, but I don't believe that. I think that's a load of bollocks because on the team that I left in 2024, there was a relationship. They were working at the same station. There was another police officer who had a MS in the room next door but was sleeping with one of the officers on the team. So, you can't talk to me about you're not allowed relationships on the same team because there was one happening back then when I was 18 and it was still present when I left the force. So, >> surely someone would have had a duty of care like you say with the mother figure to step in. Surely she would have told someone. He was reported. Mhm. So the sergeant was reported because when I left that team, um I went on to another team. So we had different shift patterns. Now my mom and dad clearly did not agree with the relationship. So I had a hard time at home, like really hard time. I just wanted them to agree with it. um because we had different shift patterns and he knew that my mom especially cuz my mom's quite feisty that she didn't agree with it like my mom my mom made that clear to him. I don't want you seeing my daughter. Um and he pulled me away from my mom. He said, "She's toxic. She's feeding you all this stuff about me. You know, it's not good for you at home, Beck." I started to resent my mom and it was crazy. The woman who was my best friend. So when we're on these different shift patterns, he would take a police carrier and he would drive it past my mom and dad's house to make sure that my car wasn't on the drive. This was in his work time. So he'd get in the carrier, drive it past my mom and dad's to make sure I weren't there. or he would randomly turn up at the gym. Now I'm always in the gym. So he'd randomly turn up and he'd message me I'm outside. Come outside like shit, what's he doing outside the gym? Obviously my mom went to that gym as well. So I was absolutely shitting myself if my mom walked out. But um that's how it was really. He'd turn up at random places. So the team ended up reporting him because you can track where some officers go. You know, when you go out in the car, it's all trackable. We can see where you're going. And so they realized that he was going off patch and into a different area. And so they reported him and said like, he's going off patch. He's located here. He's located outside Beck's mom's address, outside Beck's gym. So the police force were obviously aware that something was going on. >> Stalking. >> Do you know what? He did turn up unannounced. So for me, who knows the law? Like harassment would have to cause like alarm and distress to me. But the way he made it out, it was as if he just cared and he wanted to surprise me. So, I can't say it caused alarm and distress. Um, the driving past my parents was obviously that was a bit alarming. It was like that's a bit weird. >> When did you tell your mom and dad? >> Um, >> and how did you tell him? Was he there? >> No. So, I told them about a month into the relationship when I found out he was actually married. So, you'd found out who's married after one month and you told your parents as well. >> Surely they would have shut that down. >> Well, I kept the married bit to myself for a few weeks. >> Mhm. >> So, I remember sitting at the kitchen table and I said to my mom, I said, "Mom, what would you do if like, you know, hypothetically speaking, your daughter had feelings for someone who's 27 years older?" So, I tested the waters first. And my mom was like, "Well, it's not very appropriate, is it? But if you were happy, then you're happy." And I said, "What about if he was like the sergeant?" You know, the sergeant. And obviously my mom had already had the phone call with him, thought he was a lovely man. And she was like, "H my mom was quite unsure about it." The age thing I don't think would have bothered my mom that much. It was more the commitment. So, a few weeks later, I told her that he was married with kids. And she heard the phone calls between me and him. She heard the fake promises and everything. She said, "He's not given any commitment. He's a liar. He's a cheat. His wife and kids deserve better." She didn't want me anywhere near him, but there was no telling me. There was no telling me. I was sucked in. It was crazy. >> And when did things start to fall apart? And also, did you ever question him about the rape charge? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> What did he say? >> He said it was all bollocks. She was obsessed with him. That's what she said. >> Did you ever get to speak to that girl? >> No. Do you know what? I know the girl as well. She is um a part of West Mid's police. I don't know her as in to speak to. I know of her. And honestly, I would have loved to have spoke to her to understand like what actually happened because from his side it was all bullshit. She was obsessed. She was psychotic. So yeah. And they get dropped. >> And it got dropped. Yeah. I'm not sure whether she had problems regarding like her mental health and it was too much for her, but the charges were dropped >> and you he proposed to you as well. >> Yeah. But that comes later on. So before before the proposal things got a bit sour. >> How? So he was very now controlling and cursive when I look back and I didn't realize it. Very protective, very controlling and cursive. Wanted me away from my parents. What he is isolated me from everyone. Where are you? My phone would go off about if I didn't answer the phone first time, it'd go off again. Then it'd go off again, again, again, again until I answered. Random FaceTimes as well to know where I am, who I'm with, what I'm doing. Um, eventually it become tracking my location. So that's how it went. Um, and that's what it was like whilst we were both in the force. I was on a different team, he was on his team. That's how it was. constant messaging when we were both in work, phone calls, everything. When you got home, it'd be FaceTime, phone calls. Where are you? What are you doing? What are you having to eat? Don't eat this, eat that. It was quite It was really possessive and I didn't realize it. If I was in the kitchen with my mom and dad, you haven't responded to me. You don't love me. You're with them. I know you're with them. You know, your mom's probably feeding you bullshit about me right now. Go upstairs, Beck. Why are you in that room with them? It was crazy. I I was just completely controlled. I was like a robot. >> Could you enjoy your work? >> Um, >> or could you focus on your work? >> No. So eventually I ended up going onto a response team again where I actually found a best friend in policing. Now he's quite like me. He's down to earth, quite laidback, chilled out. He noticed something was wrong because when I was working, my phone would go off off. If I didn't answer, it would go off off again. And he was like, "Is that your fella?" Obviously, I hadn't opened up to him about who my fellow was. I was like, yeah, yeah. He was like, that's fucking mad. That is how do you deal with that? I was like, I know, I know. But what he'd do is he'd say to me, I am in the job. You can take 5 minutes to answer your phone. You know, and he'd message me that, oh shit, I'm in trouble now. >> I am in the job. You can take five minutes. What does that mean? Like >> he's a copper as well, so he knows you can take five minutes. >> Yeah. So like I can walk away from someone who I'm speaking to and I can answer him. >> That's what he wanted. >> Yeah. So unprofessional as well. >> And then I'd have voice messages like, "Answer your fucking phone now. Honestly, if you don't answer your fucking phone in the next 5 minutes, I'm going to go fucking mad." Yeah, that's what he was like. Um, and that that's how the relationship was. But eventually he ended up resigning from the police. So they allowed him to resign before he was pushed. Happens to a lot of officers. Um, and he resigned for misuse of computer systems, but our relationship still continued after that. What do you mean misuse of computer systems? >> It's like searching people who he shouldn't have been searching um and just basically going through the database how he shouldn't have been going through it. >> What sort of stuff was he? >> He was actually researching the other woman and her family who he was with. So there's another woman who comes into it. >> So he had another relationship as well as his wife. >> Yeah. and me. So, he was researching her, and this only became apparent to me later on. So, he was researching her, her exartner, her children. Um, and he was also apparently sleeping with victims of crime at that point as well, which is why he had to resign. But you'll only see on the bar that he had to leave because of um misuse of computer systems. And that's what he made me believe. So there's me like, "Oh, it's okay, babe." Like, you know, you'll be fine. You know, you'll get your pension because he said to me he'll get his pension, he'll be fine. You know, he had a property that he rented out. So, moneywise, he was okay. and he left. Our relationship continued. In fact, it got more intense because he had more time on his hands. So, it was even more intense than ever. And at that point was when I just lost myself completely. >> Was he not trying to get you to leave your work? >> Yeah. He'd apply for jobs for me. I'd have an email whilst I was at work saying, "You've been successful. You're through to the next stage of this job." And I'd be like, "What?" And he basically wanted me to turn against the police completely and come out of the job. I was never really happy with that decision, so I'd make excuses. So, at one point I was doing personal training at David Lloyd on rest days whilst also working a response shift pattern to say, "Look, I've got a job at David Lloyd. I'm going to see how it goes. I might be able to leave just to make him happy." So, he thinks, "Oh, she's on the right track. Yeah, she's she's got that job. Like, she's looking at leaving. This is positive." And that' keep him happy and sweet. And what about his wife and kids and having all these other women? How does it where did they get the time? Especially when he was working before he gets sacked. How did he juggle that? And surely there must have been telltale signs. >> Yeah. >> From him hiding his phone or acting shift. Was it any of that? >> Yeah. So during work, he would actually go to the woman the other woman's house during shift because she lived on patch. >> Did she know about everyone else or was it filling her head with shit? So, he'd previously done that to her, cheated on her with other women. >> Yeah. >> Was that a good-looking man and what? Charming. >> Nah. No. I don't know why it was. I don't know. For me, it was rank. Probably that power that he had. But for the other women involved, it was probably that, you know, because with the other woman who was involved, he was the police officer initially dealing with her report of crime 22 years ago. So they'd been together 22 years. >> So a victim >> Yeah. >> reported a crime. He's went to the job and end up having an affair with her for 22 years. Yeah. >> While still married while seeing you and engaged to you. >> Yeah. >> Was she engaged? >> Yeah. Yeah. She looks just like me. Yeah, you'd be like, "Whoa." >> How old is she? >> 48. But she's literally the spit of me. Like she's be Well, I can't residence. >> I like But she is a lovely woman. Yeah, she is lovely. >> So he What the fuck? So he's being charged with rape, but it get dropped. So you can't really say anything about that. People will make up their own assumptions of what went on, but it's dropped and there's nothing you can really do. >> But having an affair while still married, how many? So he was married and had two other engagements. Two other engaged birds. >> Yeah. But whilst he was with the other woman as well. So before I come along, when he was with the other woman, her mental health went because he was also seeing different women on patch in the area whilst at work and she was with him for 22 years because she got sucked into that manipulation and then obviously I come along, I get into a relationship with him. Eventually we end up getting engaged. It turns controlling and cursive and I'm stuck in that. Don't get me wrong, it does take two to tango. Like, you know, me and the other woman, we both got ourselves into that position, but once you're in that position, you're trapped. Like, it's crazy. The manipulation. >> Was he a sex addict? >> Yeah, he was definitely a sex addict. Yeah. He wanted me to do things that I weren't comfortable with. So, for instance, he had these like fantasies of like me getting fucked by another man and him watching and giving the orders and I'd be like, "I'm not doing that." And he'd be like, "Oh, if you love me, you would, babe." And I'd be like, "I'm quite a stern woman." I was like, "I'm not doing that." And that's how it would end. he'd he'd know that he was pissing me off a little bit and so he wouldn't he wouldn't budge anymore. So sex for me and him was only ever me and him. >> But was that maybe not of a sort of trap for you to see if you would be with another man? Because someone who is controlling and making sure you're not with other men and phoning and facetiming and try to take control, could that have possibly been a trap to see your what your answer was from him? Because surely someone who's at that extreme of protection and controlling over you. >> That would be the worst thing imaginable. Again, it may be a power thing. I don't know. But I think it was more of a power thing. So, him being able to give the orders and like he had this fantasy of that man not finishing inside of me, but him finishing inside of me after. Like, very weird. Yeah, that's some fucking creepy shit that I interviewed the male escort who used to go to the diddy parties. So they used to call him the free coffs. >> So Cassie Daddy's partner used to phone him >> and Daddy used to sit behind him with a bur cut on >> and used to get used to him to fuck Cassie. But Cassie was complicit as well. So it's not all diddy, you know. And I have no issues with people having ages. It's not my scene, but I don't have any issues with people doing it as long as they keep it behind closed doors. But he used to fuck Cassie. They used to get baby oil rubbing on each other and then he used to give the signal for him to then go and fuck Cassie and then finish him and like it's weird. Yeah, >> I find that crazy because if I'm in a relationship, I want to know that that man's mine and I'm his. It's just us two. Like there's no fantasy of another person. >> Yeah. because I think you don't love that person. Then if you want another person, if you want your partner, the person you're supposed to be protective over to then go and have someone, it it shows me that you don't love them enough to protect them. It shows them that they're only an object to you in my own opinion. >> Yeah. >> I don't think that's some creepy shit. That's a telltale sign that someone doesn't love you. >> Yeah. And do you know what? When he would mention stuff like that, it did hurt me a bit inside because I was like, why would you want that? How could you even think about another man? Like, >> did he take steroids or anything? Viagra. >> Viagra. Yeah. >> Used to take Viagra. >> Yeah, he did. Yeah, he did. Very strange. I know. >> And drinking a lot. Drugs involved. >> No. So, I never seen him do drugs, but drink. Yeah. He was a heavy drinker. He was. Especially when he left the police as well, I seen him turn to drink quite a lot and he relied on drink. Um, and when we were in the pubs as well, he would always influence me to drink alcohol. I'm not a big drinker at all. Um, but I was more open when I had a drink. Not only like emotionally, but sexually as well. So, that's a dangerous game. So, I always knew what I was doing as well. So, like >> did they ever try and influence you to do his fantasies while you were drunk if you were more open to it? >> He'd mention it, but I wouldn't I wouldn't go. There was a swinging club that was nearby and he wanted me to go there. I was like, "No, not a chance. Not a chance." Cuz even though alcohol was in my system, I still was aware of what I was doing. I always made sure I was aware. >> Was it by? No, no, I don't think he No, I don't believe he was. >> Yeah, but getting other men involved, man. There's got to be some elements. That's creepy shit. That >> Yeah, >> if you want other men involved for me, you've got to question the sexuality. >> Yeah, he could he could potentially >> could be anything. >> Yeah, >> realistically. >> Yeah. >> How did he propose? >> We're in Liverpool. Um what's that bar? Muli's >> don't know. >> Yeah, it's an Irish bar. Yeah, an Irish pub. So we were in there and um >> was in a pub. >> Yeah, it's mad. So it was on the dance floor as well. Yeah, it was on the dance floor as well. I was well embarrassed. I was like, "Oh shit, have you actually just done that?" Obviously he was quite drunk as well. >> How old were you then? >> 21. just still young. >> Yeah. >> So, he's you're 21. You know everything about him now. You know all the allegations and all the shit that's out about him. >> He's been sacked from his job or he's left his job. >> He's then proposed to you in an Irish pub on the dance floor. >> Yeah. In Liverpool. And then we come home and that's when it all went tits up again. >> Why? I had to move out of my parents because he didn't like my parents. Thought they were toxic. So he said, "You'll be better off at your granddad's." He liked my granddad. My granddad didn't say anything. My granddad, you know, he's got dementia. He doesn't really understand. So I went and lived with my granddad um to make him happy. And he was he was ecstatic about that. But my granddad's house is like an old man's house. It's lived in. So I'd spend quite a few nights in the car or hotel rooms. He wouldn't stay in the hotel room with me. I'd just do that. If I was working a night shift at work, it was fucking brilliant cuz I didn't have to think about either sleeping at my granddad's, sleeping in the car, or sleeping in a hotel. I was working. >> Why would you sleep on the car? >> It was just easier. The money for the hotels was racking up, racking up. >> So you're working for free basically. >> Yeah, basically. >> So when did it come to a head then? When did you start kind of getting some power back? When did you realize that it was bad? >> So a lot happened and I started to realize that something weren't right and I wanted to get out of the relationship, but I didn't know how. I didn't know how to get out the relationship and I was stuck there and I was having like non-epileptic seizures as well from the anxiety that he was causing, you know, when he'd call. So, I started to realize it was affecting my health because he'd call me and I remember the once I was on holiday with my family and I didn't tell him that I went with my mom and dad and he was calling me calling me. Anyway, I ended up having a seizure in Palman over. Little Beck didn't get health insurance. So, my mom and dad had a lovely bill, so I ended up in hospital. And that was the type of anxiety that he brought upon me. And then them seizures, they stuck with me when I come home as well. So, when he'd call me, if I was in a pub, cuz I love to go to the pub and just watch the football. I'll sit there on my own and just watch the football. And if I was in the pub, he'd call me. I'd end up panicking. I'd start getting like really heavy breathing, etc. Shaking like, and I knew that I was about to have like a seizure. And that's how my life was going. And I was on dazipan, >> propanol, stuff like that. And I was thinking, shit, what is happening to my health? That's when I realized this is the relationship causing this. every time he calls. And I opened up to that officer who I mentioned earlier and I told him about the whole relationship and he said that ain't right. Like that ain't right at all. And um me and him we'd argue constantly. We had one argument and I was going into work and I said to him, "Do you know what? I'm going to go tell your wife." I was never going to tell his wife. I was just threatening him. I thought, "Fuck you. I'm gonna I'm gonna tell her the truth." So, I was on my way to work, driving into West Brom Police Station. Obviously, he thought she's going to go tell my wife because we'd had an argument. I can't remember why it was over. It was probably something really petty. Anyway, he rang the police station. He rang my chief inspector to say, "I think Beck has got some mental health problems. You need to make sure she's okay. Like, I don't want the relationship anymore, but I want it to be okay." Anyway, when I when I got into work, my chief inspector called me out and he said, "I've had I've had him on the phone. He said this. Are you okay? He doesn't want the relationship. I was like, "You fucking what?" I said, "This is all because I threatened to go up to his house and tell his wife for the first time ever what he's doing." And the chief inspector was like, "I didn't realize this was like going on, etc." And I opened up to him about the relationship. I have to say this person who was in rank at that time, he's no longer in rank, but the support he gave me was immense. He wanted to go lock him up. He was ready there and then to go lock him up. >> What would they get locked up for? >> Um controlling coercive behavior >> with the voice notice and everything that you had. >> Yeah. Um but I didn't make a complaint. I didn't make a complaint because obviously I still believed that we'd get back together. Anyway, when that shift ended, little bit known, I had an unknown number and it was him. Don't believe what the devs told you. You know, they're dickheads. They're lying to you. Ra, come meet me here. I'll explain the truth. So, I went and met him and he said, I did ring. I was concerned. You sounded upset on the phone. You know, you said that you were going to come to my house. I was worried about you, Beck. Worried that you were going to do something stupid. Anyway, at that point, my headspace was in that point of like, I don't want to be here no more. I can't get out this relationship. I've lost my mom. I'm living out my granddad's. I'm living out my car, hotel rooms, you know, I've lost myself. I don't know what I'm doing. And I thought I remember I met him and I I just looked at him and I couldn't believe that he'd ever called the police, called my boss and said that about me and there was this car going up the road. I remember just running in front of this car. This car hit me. I went down. I got back up and it was an old woman. I thought, "Shit." And I just went so sorry. I just ran. I ran from him and it was just crazy. I was just sat on the road crying my eyes out like I can't cope anymore. Like he's draining me, but how do I get out of it? I can't live life without him. And that's what I was stuck in. And we ended up getting back together after that. We ended up getting back together. The relationship carried on and then it all came to a massive halt in November. October 2024 was when it stopped. >> So you tried to kill yourself? >> Yeah. I ran in front of the car with the intention of not wanting to be here anymore. I went down on the floor. I hit the floor. I got straight back up. All I had was like cuts. Obviously, it was an elderly woman as well. And then in my head, I thought, "What a fucking dickhead. Why have you just done that for?" Um, but that's the point that I was at. But I always had the thoughts of not wanting to be here, but I could never see it through. You know, like when you take tablets, I could never see it through. And I found faith as well. So I found God as well at that point. I am Christian even though the work I do now is very sinful >> the mic. >> Yeah. Um but at that point in my life, faith definitely helped me through that point. And it was October 2024 where everything changed. So this was only like a week later after the car incident. that everything changed. >> What was the old woman thinking? Do >> you know? I don't know. >> You're lucky it was an old woman. I imagine she wasn't going that fast. >> No, she weren't. I was able to get back up, but I was able to get back up, but I just remember looking at her and I was like, shit, sorry. And I just ran. But did you see the story in the papers last week with the guy who got 8 years or 12 years, the toxic relationship, and the girl ran out the car, jumped off the bridge, and killed herself, but he got 8 years, I believe, or 10 years. >> Oh my god, I didn't see that. >> Yeah, she ran out and committed suicide, but he was blamed for it. Cobable, I think you get done. >> Do you know why? It's because they play this game, right? And they make you feel like you're the person that's in the wrong. Like him calling the police on me. Why would he call the police though? Would that not be giving up the game if people knew you were in a relationship? >> He didn't care at that point. He was out the police. The only person who had stuff to sacrifice at that point was me. So he said to him like, "I'm concerned for our mental health." Mate, I was fine. Do you know what I mean? You were ruining my mental health. Other than that, I was fine. >> What happened to your mom? Um, I didn't contact my mom. I didn't contact her. I didn't speak to her. Didn't speak to her at all. >> You said you you had lost your mom. Was that was it not death then? Was it just because you left because of him? >> It was really difficult for my mom. She lost her daughter. And I can understand now looking back. She lost Beck. I lost Beck. I wouldn't want me as a daughter. >> Well, so your mom's not dead. >> No. No. >> No. When you said you lost your mom, I thought, >> "Oh, no, no, no. Touch wood. My mom's still good." Um, >> I don't want to jinx her. It's just the way he says it when you were going through all that. He says, "Yeah, I was going through this. I lost my mom." So, I didn't know. >> Oh, no. As in like >> as a friend, as a mother because of him. >> Yeah. So, it was only in October 2024. We had an argument. Um, we resolved it. We went for a meal, you know. The meal was really nice. I posted a picture on social media. By the way, I was never allowed to take his picture. You were never allowed to post his picture on social media. Never. Um, >> do you think you were gullible to a lot of it or were you Did you have your blinkers on not wanting to believe it? >> Oh, fucking I was blindsided by some love that I thought was real. Honestly, I was in love with the character he created. That's he created a character and I fell in love with that character that weren't him. I don't know who he is. I don't know. >> So, it came all crashing down in 24. What happened? >> Yeah. So, we were at a meal. I took a photo, posted it on social media. It had his tattoo in it. He had a very distinct tattoo here. Um, and it was a biblical tattoo. Now, when he knew that I was quite, you know, faithful, suddenly he went and got a tattoo that was biblical on his arm. It was crazy. Yeah. Um, and so one of my friends on social media said, "You need to look at this and contact this woman." And I was like, "What?" So, I get in the car leaving this meal and I see this Facebook message and um I think, "Fuck, I wonder what that's about." I said, "What's this about?" He said, "Just contact her." I was like, "Okay." So, I left the meal and I said like, "Love you. You know, I'll message you when I'm back. Love you, babe. I'll be on the phone to you in a bit." I call this woman I say, "You need to speak to me." "Yeah." "Are you seeing him?" I said, "Yeah, I've been seeing him for nearly 5 years now." I said, "Who are you?" She said, "I've been with him for 22 years." I thought, "Shit, it's the wife." I thought, "Shit, it's the wife." I said, "Are you the wife?" She said, "No, I'm engaged to him. I was a victim of crime and he was the officer dealing with it 22 years ago." I was like, "What?" I couldn't believe it. I was like, "What the fuck?" So, anyway, me and her got speaking. He calls me. Are you nearly back? I played it off. Yeah, I'm nearly back. I went I was going to his house. I was going to tell the wife the truth. So, this woman, she explained her mental health and I thought, "Fucking prick." So, I thought, "Right, I'm going to the house. I'm telling the wife the truth." I told this woman exactly what I'm going to do. I said, "Don't worry, I'm going the house. I'm going to tell his wife everything." I went to the house. I remember parking up on the street. I seen him, right? I look up at his house. I see him in the window. He knew straight away what I was going to do. And he was fuming. You could tell. And he looked at me and he went like that. And I thought I looked at him and I just thought, "You dickhead." So I walk up to the house. I'm recording myself because I was a police officer still. Like I didn't want to lose my job. Um, so I recorded everything and I rang the Ring doorbell. I remember going up to the Ring doorbell and he was in the living room window and he said, "Don't do this. I've called the police." I said, "That's fine." I said, "Call the police." I said, "I've got nothing to hide." So, ring the Ring doorbell. I start shouting down the Ring doorbell. He's a narcissist. Get out. I was 18 when he started with me. There's another woman. Your children deserve better. You deserve better as a woman. Like, he's horrible. You know, you don't deserve to go through that. I was shouting all this through the Ring doorbell. >> Was she there, the wife? >> Yeah. He told her to get upstairs with the kids. They went upstairs. Didn't answer the door. Didn't answer the door at all. They just went upstairs. And I was like, "What the fuck's going on?" Anyway, after I had my say, I had my say, I said what I needed to. I explained, you know, everything that had happened between me and him. And I thought, right, I'll wait for the police. So I sat on the road, waited for the police. The police turned up. He still didn't come out of his house. He told the police that I was damaging his vehicle. I weren't. That's a tactic to get the police there on blue lights. Oh, she's damaging my vehicle. She's threatening me. Please turn up on blue lights. Quicker response. And um I explained to the three officers, this is what's happened. And they, you know what, they were lovely. They said to me, "Go home. You've had your say. He's clearly not right. Go home." This female officer turns up. He comes out the house. I'm a sergeant. I'm a sergeant in West Mid's police. So I shout over, "You liar. You're not a sergeant anymore. Tell her the truth." and uh she walks over to me. Now, whenever an officer goes like that at their watch, you know you're being locked up. I got arrested. I was arrested for DV harassment. >> What you thinking then when you're in this house? >> Well, first of all, I thought, "What a fucking bitch. This harassment." So, I'm in the car. I was giving a bit of lip right because obviously she'd been in the job six months. I'd been in five years, something like that. 4 years at this point. So I said, "Do you know what harassment is?" She was like, "Yeah." As she's driving the car and I was like, "So two or more occasions I said, this is the first time I've been to my fiance's house." She was like, "You don't need to get lippy with me." And then I was like, "Oh, and by the way, we were together 40 minutes before this, so tell me how that constitutes for harassment." and she couldn't say anything. She was just driving the car and I thought, "Oh, I'm a tick the box exercise." So, I was being a bit lippy in the back. Um, and then when I was in the cell, you know what? I was in Stoke custody, right? They they fucking loved me in there as well. Like, I should have been released. They had a handover package from West Mid's police to say this girl has been effectively groomed by this previous officer, you know, and Westmin police were like, "We'll get you out. Don't worry. You've just got to go in for an interview. Everything will be fine. We know what's gone on between you and him. You'll be fine." I'm in the cell. I didn't have no food. I had two coffees, two waters. I was pacing up and down the backyard. I said, "Listen," I said, "I got to go in the backyard. I can't stay in this cell." I was in there 22 hours. 22 hours they kept me in there. Um, and one of the officers who interviewed me, I can't remember his name. We actually sat and talked to me and he was saying like, "I really hope you get justice. Like, I went for an interview. He heard the whole story. and he was lovely. He said, you know, this isn't right. He doesn't deserve to get away with all of this. And I was like, I know. Anyway, you're allowed your phone calls whilst you're in custody. So, I went up and I had my phone call. I rang my mom. The first time I spoke to my mom in ages from Stoke custody. Mom, I've been arrested. And I was saying, you know, I'm so sorry. Will you just come and pick me up? And then the police officer, the sergeant who was behind the custody desk said, no, no, Westmid's police have to come and pick you up. I was thinking, what? I was like, why can't my mom come and get me? And my mom was saying I'm coming to get her. And he was like, no, West Mid's police have to come. So I ended up staying in the cell again. So I went back to the cell. I was in there total 22 hours, no food. Um, I thought, "Fucking hell." Anyway, the inspector come and got me eventually. I was just happy to see a familiar face. I didn't care that it was a police officer. I was just happy to see a familiar face at that point. >> Why' they keep you in so long? Did you not have did they not took you to court or anything the next day? >> No. So um they kept my mobile phone to go through it. Um they released me on bail with conditions not to contact Ben, not to contact him. Um and that was the best thing that ever happened to me. It broke the contact. It broke the cycle. I couldn't contact him. >> Um >> you were told not to contact him. >> Yeah. >> So you're the crazy one. So, I was the copper on bail basically. I was the bale bird. >> It's not a good look either, is it? Because anything you say against him could potentially be that you're the crazy one. You're the crazy ex. That's how manipulation works. People get in there first, make up stories, make up lies, and then fuck it, you're the bad one. >> Yeah. It's so easy to get locked up based off an allegation. >> Do you know now though, allegations are enough now in Scotland to get the man charged. No witnesses, no evidence any. So I don't know where it is now, but I think in Scotland there was a woman who was getting terrorized by a wreck. She was getting stalked and the coppers never really followed up. She ended up getting killed. So all the laws have changed. Now listen, as a father, my mother, my sister, my daughter, I support it, but sometimes when you go through this receiving end of it, when you understand that accusations are enough to get the man charged, >> yeah, >> it's a fucked up system we have in Scotland now. Women can say anything. >> As long as they say give a statement in distress, it's enough. That's not enough evidence now to get the man charged. Like it is fucking nuts. >> Oh my. >> It's crazy. System is crazy in Scotland just now. >> Yeah. Because you'll see innocent people. >> Yeah. But not everyone is innocent either. >> Not everyone's innocent. >> Accusations are enough to destroy lives. >> Yeah. >> But the beautiful thing is the truth can also help rebuild them. >> But people just need to be strong enough to push through. >> Yeah. And honestly, being being on bail for me was the best thing that ever happened. >> Why? >> It got me away from him and I started to rebuild my life from that moment. First of all, it started with I needed to rebuild my family connections. So, I needed my family around me. It was so difficult because he was all I knew. He was all I'd known. But I needed to start to rebuild it. And the chief inspector I mentioned previously, the one who he's no longer a part of the job, but he was brilliant. He rang me every day. Are you okay? Are you okay? Hopefully the investigation's sorted soon and you can come back to work. Every day he rang me. And you know what? I owe him a lot of gratitude, a lot of thanks because he didn't have to do that. Um, and so eventually after getting family relations back, you know, I used my savings as well, so I had savings behind me and I purchased my first property. So that was all going through. I was welcomed back to West Mids Police when I got the phone call saying it's all no further action. So I went back to work in the December. So, I was locked up in October, back to work in December. >> How was it going back to work without him being there? Because that's all you knew was him being there. >> Loved it. Loved it. Honestly, it was a different world because I weren't on I weren't anxious all the time. Oh my god, he's going to call me. Oh, who am I working with today? It can't be a male copper. Because I had no stress like that. I was just able to like enjoy work, just get on with it. And I had support as well. People knew what I'd been through with him and how it had affected me and that I'd been locked up because ultimately that affects you as well. Being locked up in a cell that affects you mentally. Um, and Staffordshire police who locked me up said, "We've been through Beck's phone. We think she should make a complaint of controlling and coercive against him. Now, if it weren't for the other woman, I don't know whether I would have made that complaint because for me, my life had turned and I was on the mend. So, I didn't really want to go through statements saying what had happened, you know, listening to voice messages, going through text messages. I really didn't want to go through that again. I felt like I was moving on. But that other woman, she actually her mental health suffered and she sought rehab for it. So I thought, do you know what? I've got to do this. I've got to do this for her. Me and her become really close. >> The the other woman he was having an affair with. >> Yeah. And we still are. We still are. I contact her every week and she'll contact me. >> Did she stop contact with him though? >> Yeah. >> Did she? >> Yeah. So, he was arrested after I made a complaint for controlling and coercive behavior. Um, and that was fine. He was arrested. He was put on bail. Now, they seized his iPad. He'd always have a burner phone like a drug dealer, a Nokia brick. >> He has to talk all his buds. >> Yeah. So, they seized his iPad and he wouldn't give the password over to his iPad because obviously the phone, the burner phone. I don't know what was wrong with that. They seized that as well, I think. But they wanted to get into the iPad cuz he would always message me off that iPad. And he wouldn't give the password, well, the correct password. So they asked me if they could have my phone. So police officer, I just brought my first house. Victim of crime control and cursive behavior. I give my phone over. There you go. You can download it on the parameters that it's messages between me and Ben. Between me and him. They downloaded everything. Everything. Um and about >> see when they download everything. Is it just a message from him or can I look at videos and photos? >> No, they went through WhatsApp messages with other officers that I were I was having. >> Yeah. >> And can they look at all your emails, photos, videos? >> Yeah. >> Was there any personal stuff in there? >> Yeah, there was loads. So, it come out in June 2025 that I was being investigated for the contents of my mobile phone. So, the exact chat with my inspector was, "Beck, I need to have a word with you." Yeah, boss. What's up? You're being investigated. I know you're a victim of crime and you've handed your phone as a victim of crime, but the contents of your mobile phone doesn't meet the professionalism of a police officer. I was fucking fuming. I was fuming. So you've gave your phone in as evidence and it's turned against you. >> Yeah. And I fucked myself over Massive. >> Were you doing content for Only Fans then? >> No. >> So what? Never. >> What was that then? >> Um I don't know whether I can go into the full depths of exactly what. But my political viewpoints did not align with >> So it was political and not sexual. >> No, not sexual. Um, my political viewpoints did not align with the political viewpoints of West Midlands Police. They're woke political viewpoints. >> Yeah. >> So, if you're swaying towards a certain >> Mhm. >> wing, >> say you're patriotic or whatever. >> Yeah. >> That goes against their beliefs. So, you've not got Only Fans content. You're not >> No, there was no Only videos. It's >> political. >> Yeah. So, >> was that just an excuse though to get you to fuck, do you think? Because of >> I think it was let's fuck her off. We can do her on this. Now, >> I'll be quite open. I'm not going to say this is what they did me on, but I don't like the illegal migrants coming into our country illegally. So, on my phone, yes, there may be my opinion around that. I may share certain things to do with that. I may say things on my phone. Ultimately, I don't like the illegal invasion. That's it. I'm I'm not PC Nicholls when I'm on my phone at home. I'm back. So, yeah, I had to deal with that. Um, and you know what? I knew at that point I'd lost my job. I knew it. But I still fought for it. I went to a hearing. um and had like 15 character references. I went to the hearing and they said, "You know what? Like, we know that you're a victim of crime." The top dog in police actually said, "I'm a courageous woman." They said, "But um you don't meet the professionalism of a of a police officer with the contents of your mobile phone. So you need to resign or you can go to a hearing. Another hearing. I thought fuck going to another hearing. There you go. You can have PC Nicholls. Like you can have my collar number. I'm Becca now. I'm doing what I want to do. Well, at that point I knew, fuck this. I'm starting Only Fans. I knew at that point I had loads of content, right? just videos, clean videos in police uniform that he would ask me to send him to prove that I was in work. Thought this is fucking brilliant for Instagram. Make a few reals out of this. Anyway, started only fans the day after after I resigned and um went fucking mad. like 7 million hits right on the one Twitter like 22 million. Well, it's X, isn't it? 22 million. It was going crazy. I had a phone call from West Mids Police. I'm watching this video on Instagram go up and up and up and up. Obviously, people in the comments rage bait as hell. I'm reporting her. She's going to lose her job. How dare the police force allow this? Obviously, they've all reported it to the police, right? And they're getting complaints coming in saying PC fucking Nicholls has posted this online and uh the police call me. It's like 1:00 a.m. in the morning. I watched his video go up to about 5 million at that point. All the followers that were coming as well. I was thinking mad. Obviously funneling through to the only fans as well. And uh this police officer high up top dog rings me. Um have you posted something on social media in uniform? I said yeah. Why? She said that needs to be taken down. GDPR. She said are you PC Nicholls? I said no. I said I'm Beck. She said were you PC Nicholls? You know what they do? 24140. I was like yeah I was. Yeah. She was like, "No, you still are." Silly me. I didn't formally resign, did I? When I walked out of that meeting, I thought that was the resignation in itself. I had to send a fucking formal note to say that I resigned formally. So, I was actually a police officer posting that still. So, then I was on the phone because she said, "If you don't take it down, we'll prosecute." I was like, "Oh, shit." I was like, "Yeah, okay. I'll take it down. By the way, I'll resign and put the phone down." And then I typed up an email at like half 1 in the morning saying I'll formally resign straight away getting there before they could do anything against me. And um that was the start of it. I took the video down but I put it back up. >> What was the video? >> Um it's me drinking Monster. So I just drink Monster and I roll my eyes and then one of the Tipton's Most Wanted was in the background. You could see his face. Obviously, I'm new to the social media malarkey. So, I didn't blur his face, did I? GDPR shit. So, I put it back up and blurred his face. >> So, somebody was sitting where? So, you had an arrest? >> No. So, basically on the back wall. >> So, you've got your uniform on, you've got your police uniform on. Yeah. >> Oh, and somebody on the wall. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Not sitting in a car with somebody in the back has been >> Nah. So, you had a wall of like offenders. >> Mhm. and one of the offenders, you could see him on the back wall and obviously I'm there with a monster on this reel for Instagram rolling my eyes and I didn't realize I ain't blurred him out. GDPR. I also hadn't resigned at that point which I didn't realize. So then I had to resign and blur him out, put it back on Instagram after with him blurred out in the background. But the followers had already shot up. see your beliefs about the illegal immigration is that many other coppers think that way because it seems to be a lot of people even when you see the coppers at the rallies it does seem two-tier policing >> coppers are told to shut up and don't do anything to to patriots to British people like do you see is a lot of the coppers think the way you think with legal immigration >> yeah they do they think that way yeah but they have to remain impartial don't they >> I don't think they do end in partial though because it seems to be more protection for the other side. You know, I think for patriots and raising flags and like you shouldn't be able to come into a country without the the correct paperwork. That that's nothing to do with race. It's nothing to do with religion. It's just facts because if you're going to do a crime, you need to know who this person is. Like that's just common sense. >> But there's a lot of people think that way. >> Well, a lot of police officers, some of them are like knobs and they love the job and they won't give their opinion. They won't ever. But select few of them who are down to earth and are literally there to earn a wage to pay for their family, they think the exact same. Because I'd go to jobs, right? I was going to a job all the time. So were other officers to this hotel, which was a migrant hotel, but the public didn't know about it because it weren't a government listed building. So, as soon as I left the place, I walked in there uh had meta glasses on and um I did a social media video with another person and um I basically they exposed it as a migrant hotel basically and you see all the migrants walking around. >> Do you believe there is two tier policing? Um, do you know what? In total, I think that policing is fucked. I think the system's broke. They're not allowed an opinion. Even the people who have them opinions, but they have to keep it secret. That ain't right. They're a person. Surely to God, they should be able to have an opinion and speak up. But if they speak up, they'll be investigated. I just think the whole system's woke. >> What was the worst thing you seen while you're working in the police? >> Um, do you know, I've seen a lot of bad things. I've dealt with a lot of dead bodies. A lot of dead bodies. The one thing that probably hurt me the most was um children. If there was like children who had passed away, especially babies passed away because I lost my nephew. um he passed away. So, anything to do with children that had fucking ripped me up inside a little bit. Do you know what I mean? >> So, young innocent girl, football, university, end up joining the coppers, ended up with sort of a abusive copper who manipulated his way through multiple women. >> Yeah. to then trying to get a conviction of him and fight through it for other women to then looking through your phone and realized your political beliefs don't follow suit to then joining Only Fans. Like you're a father's worst fucking nightmare, you know? >> Oh, it sorry. >> Like fucking hell, man. Poor bastard. Like >> innocent girl. Football tomboy. He's probably raised you like a son. You probably watched the football with him. um university to then going down that path like you've already put them through misery. And I'm not putting you down here by the way, but I'm just seeing it from a father. I'm looking at it. You've put them through a lot of shit. You've chose a toxic relationship over them. You've joined a police you fucked up. You've then joined only fans which is just another level of madness for a parent to look at his daughter good-looking girl headcrewed on decent speak well to think fuck me they must think what have they done wrong what >> do you know what they actually support the only fans >> because it's probably minor from what you actually went through as the coppers >> do you know why because when I started only fans I had an idea in my I wanted to gain a social media following to be able to tell this story about what happened in the force. I thought, shit, what's controversial and going to get me that following? Only fans. It did just that. Now I'm at the point where I'm telling my story. >> Yeah, but you could have done that. What was the actual decision to think, right, Only Fans? You could have done anything you put your mind to. Um, >> was it always something you'd thought about doing? >> No. >> Or was it something to get back at him? Like what was the the the method behind it? >> No, it was more me taking control. That was something I could control. That's my body. Um, and I'm going to use it in this way. As well as that, I actually started the account as a dare. Like one of my friends said, "I dare you to start Only Fans. I bet you'd make a killing. I dare you." I said, >> "Is she male or female?" >> Female. I said, "Oh, go on then. I'll give it a little go." Started it fucking started at the right time because obviously the reals that I was posting to do with policing tapped into a certain niche which then just funneled people through. >> Who the fuck dares you to do only fans? >> I know it's a bit mad, isn't it? But >> was it something you were always going to do, do you think? >> Yeah. >> Is that sort of to take your own power back? >> Yeah. >> Try and feel as if you're in control. >> Yeah, definitely. Yeah. But I don't see myself on Only Fans for a lifetime. >> Everybody says that though. Every porn star, every Only Fans, male, female, they do struggle to get out. >> I think that's the um that's the money aspect of it, isn't it? Like people get absorbed by the money, but I still try to remain humble. So I still only, no matter how much I earn, I still only try and live off my police wage, what I used to earn, and then the rest of it, I'm just chucking up properties. That's how I do it. So your mom your mom and dad then what sort of contact what sort of content do you make? >> Just me on my own. >> Please uniform one. >> Um no not for the actual Only fans. I can do if that's requested but for the actual Only fans I just do me on my own. So nobody else is ever involved. It's just me. >> Do you think you're enjoying that attention again though? what you got at the police at the start, you kind of lost it because he was controlling to then getting some of the attention back. Do you think it's the attention you missed as well as the money? >> Um, no. Not really. No. I'm a lot more confident in myself now. One thing Only Fans has done for me is that my confidence shot through the roof. So, I'm a lot more like this is who I am. Take me or leave me. Like a lot of people will take the piss out my accent cuz I've got a Brummy accent. I don't fucking care. It's my accent. Like if you like it, you like it. If you don't, you don't. This is my body. Do you know what I mean? If I want to do this with it, I'll do this with it. Nobody has a say. I'm not in a relationship. >> Yeah. But if you make choices, you've got to own up with some chest anyway. Yeah. >> No pun intended. But you've got to fucking own it. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> You know, as simple as that. >> That's what I'm doing now. You clearly could have went any direction. >> Yeah. I think for me it was also that initially starting Only Fans and you see that money come in. I'd bought my first house. I was sat on an £800 mortgage and it's like shit that's financial comfortability at a next level. That's comfortability that I've never seen that I've dreamed about. >> When did the follow start coming through? like subscribers and stuff >> straight away through the first reel. >> With the copper uniform. >> Yeah. Straight away. >> I've never seen anybody with a copper uniform in that. Anyway, do you know what I'm saying? You don't really see that sort of content. You see the girls manipulating Tik Tok >> for certain things. >> People have started to try and copy it, which does my eding. It does my eding because you see people try and copy it, but all my shit is authentic. You're not going to get better than that. Do you know what I mean? >> Yeah. Well, you were a fucking copper. Exactly. I'm the OG. I'm the OG fucking cough pad. You know what I mean? >> But you do see some of these women dressing up as the prison officers and that because some of these stories are mad. >> Like some of these there was one in America >> with the who who runs the jails. What do they call them again? The governor. Is it the governor? So, in the American jewel, the governor was having an affair with one of the prisoners and she ended up breaking them out and stuff. Mad story. And I think he ended up killing her when they were on the run. >> Crazy. And then you obviously you see some the girl who was doing Only Fans. >> Yeah. >> And she was a prison officer and she was getting recorded getting shagged on the jail. Like that's fucking nuts. >> Mad mad mad. That is that's fucking crazy. >> Do you know what I'm saying? The levels that people are going to now for content is bad. But obviously it must you must boom with business for a month, two months. >> This is the thing people go so you've got somebody like Bon Bon Bonnie Blue who will go and sleep with however many blo right to get you know people over to the page like all views on her, all eyes on her for the views basically. And then you've got fucking me basically sipping a monster and it reached like 7 million. I don't have to do a lot for the reals. I've got that much like authentic shit that I just roll it out. Roll it out. >> How did it get so many views drinking a monster with a police uniform on? >> I don't know. I think it's because shit that's a copper she's doing that >> and people knew it was for Only Fans. I think it's debate captions as well because I'll put stuff like your taxes fund this, your taxes fund my extended bathroom breaks and stuff like that. >> Smart though. >> Yeah. So it gets people angry. >> Who gives a fuck if you're doing it? Listen, I don't agree with it, but I like the method. The same as Bonnie Blue. When I interviewed Bonnie, I like her. I think she's sound. I don't agree with what she does. I wouldn't want my daughter doing it. But on the other hand, you can't blame someone for putting a product out there. It's the men who's buying it. >> Yeah. >> I don't have a problem with her. I have a problem with the thousand men queuing up to fuck her. I think that's demonic. I think it's dark. I think it's CD. But again, there's a lot of men who can't get any girls. There's a lot of men who can't have sex. So, if they've got a pussy who looks decent, >> these men are going to gravitate towards it and do anything for it because they've not got any other opportunity. And she's milking that to a tea. I don't think she went with a thousand men, but she knows how to create the controversy to then push people towards her only fans. It's smart business. >> Yeah. That shows one thing and that shows that she's intelligent. >> Yeah. I respect her. >> She knows how to She knows how to play it. >> Yeah. And that's what you've done. >> Yeah. >> Playing off the police officer niche. >> Was that a fuck to the police as well though? >> I'll always put stuff up that will like be like a fuck. has the fine line towards it though from actually getting a conviction or getting charged by wearing certain uniforms. Did you get the real uniform took off you? Like what happened? >> Oh yeah. So they took the real uniform off me. Um but some of the stuff is old gear. So I've obviously, you know, I can keep some of the stuff because it's mine and it was initially mine. So you can buy some police stuff off like the internet and police officers will gen generally do that with trousers and stuff like that. So obviously I can make it look a bit more realistic. Um but like I said the videos that I do, they're pretty authentic. I've still got more that haven't been uploaded yet. >> So how long you been doing Only Fans now? >> 7 months. Oh, so early. >> Yeah, really early. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. That's fuck all. >> So you get sacked for the corpor only fans? >> Resigned. I resigned. >> Same thing. >> Fuck off. Is that the same thing? I resigned. Give me some dignity. >> Do you make content every day? Like how does it work? >> No. So, um, a lot of the time I'll make content if it's requested for the Only Fans, the sexual side. If it's requested, I'll make that content. Um, for the Becca off duty, I've got loads of authentic content anyway cuz I was in that relationship. I was proving every day where I was in work. So, I have pictures, videos, everything. And then recently started Bend It Like Becca, which is my football page because why not create a page for something you love where I basically recreate famous goals and stuff like that? So I do the content for Bend It Like Becca. >> Do you think if you'd stayed university path, you wouldn't be doing Only Fans now? Do you think he's part of the way you see the world and what you're doing now because of the sex sexual stuff that you went through with him? >> Yeah, definitely. I'd have probably ended up being a PE teacher, something like that. If I went down the university route, football, PE teacher, >> you never know. Listen, you could end up fucking in having an affair with the headmaster. >> You know what I'm saying? You just with your fucking your your life choices went. But >> do you do you feel as if he's a big part of what you're doing now because of what you went through with him? >> Yeah, definitely forced me into this way of life. Do you know what I mean? and it forced me into it, but I have no regrets in life. Shit happened. Get over it. And that's exactly what it's made me a lot stronger. How's the media portrayed you? >> Uh PC Bonnie Blue with her 1,000 and something criminals. But I fucking I I'll play off that. I will. Do you know what I mean? The media, they'll paint you out to be someone who you're not. And that's fine. Like you do you. I know who I am. My family know who I am. You know, I'm making a living ultimately with the living I'm making now. I'm buying properties. I'm housing people who are victims of domestic violence. That's, you know, the portfolio is going to get bigger. That's what I'm doing with the money. So, I'm no shame on what I'm doing right now. >> And what sort of request requests do you get? Um, a lot of the time it will actually be can you put the police uniform on, strip it off, blah blah. But I ain't had to do like extreme shit like people talk about. A lot of the time it's just put the police uniform on, like talk to them, say their name, blah blah blah, and then just strip off, you know, please yourself. That's it really. I don't have like the extreme that you know you hear people that have got to do some mad shit. >> Any weird requests? >> Nah. Do you know what the weirdest ones for me are like the feet ones because I don't see the obsession with feet. So for me that's a bit weird, right? But other than that, not really. A lot of the time as well I find which is weird. I'll have people coming to my only fans who might be suffering a bit with like mental health or they want advice because they've got the police involved in something in their life and I'm like I'm not fucking 101. Do you know what I mean? A lot of the you'll be really surprised at how many people come in and say, "Listen, my neighbors doing this. What can I do about it?" >> Fuck off. I don't know. >> But you're getting paid for that. Well, I'll put a fucking price tag if I want to give them the advice. Do you know what I mean? I'll put the price tag like, "Yeah, you need to do this." >> That is so normalized now with Only Fans. It's so normalized from everybody who's sort of >> stuck at a dead end. Yeah. >> And just jumping down that road >> and making that decision. Would you want your daughter in the future when you have kids doing that line of work you're doing? >> Nah. No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't want her to do that. No. No. But then if she come to me and said, like, "Mom, I'm doing this." Like, like, if she come to me and said, "Mom, I'm doing this." Like, lump it or leave it. I'll be like, "Fucking hell, girl. You got some balls coming up to me saying that." Like, you go, girl. You smash it. You suffer the consequences. whatever happens. >> What do you think the negatives are of having an only fans? >> Um, I think it's the pressure to look a certain way, etc. But I don't apply that pressure to me, because I don't really have that pressure, you know? I don't think I'm the most fucking pretty girl or anything like that. I just think that I've got a police officer niche that people fucking love. Um, but I do think it is the pressure to look a certain way and act a certain way. For me though, my negatives have probably been different to a different girl who starts Sony fans. My negatives have been the media. Like, I'll have phone calls off journalists. Hello, it's uh somebody from Birmingham Live. I'm like, fuck, how did you get my number? Like so that would be my negatives for it because doing something controversial gets you out there and then suddenly you're not left alone. Your privacy doesn't become private anymore. So yeah. >> Do you have a fear for that though when you because you've been stalked by a previous partner that somebody can do the same with you now because you're so out there? Like these people are creepy as well. I have no issues with people just >> listen a lot of people are lonely now and they want to feel part of something. They want to speak to women no matter what it costs. Porn is free but yet they'll still pay. >> Yeah. >> As if they've got a bird. It's a weird connection. But do you ever worry that somebody could potentially be that stalker? >> Yeah. I guess >> weirds you out a bit. >> I get skeptical about it. I do. I'm very um I'm very clever though. So, if I post something on my social media, I ain't fucking there. I was there a few days ago, but I've just posted it late cuz I wanted to put it on my stories. So, I'll I'll be very clever about how I do things. Um, but the main thing for me is just protecting my own mental health. I think that's the main thing really. And not letting myself get anxious about thinking about, you know, having a stalker or anything like that. When is it enough? When do you get out? Cuz you're still young, still fresh to it. But when do you think enough is enough where you can get out kind of as unscathed as possible without going into it your late 30s and 40s you're completely damaged and there's no there's no turning back because I watched I've not interviewed all interviews I've done I probably interviewed maybe seven or eight like porn stars and only fans and all the interviews I've done and you can see a lot of them do struggle behind the behind the eyes. >> Yeah. >> They're in their 40s and they're they can't get out. Nah, I'll definitely not be doing it in my 40s. >> But what makes you different from the people who says the exact same as you? Do >> you know what? For me, I'm not Money doesn't make me happy. Money makes the world goodbye. Money makes life a lot easier, but I'm still grounded. Like, I'm still grounded. I know where I've come from. And put it like this. If I was earning my police wage on fans, I'd be fucking happy with that. Do you know what I mean? Obviously, I don't earn my police wage on there, so it's a bit difficult, but the money is being chucked into property investment. As soon as I think, do you know what? I'm ready to have a baby, children, that's when it's see you later. I'm done. Now, >> could you quit if you fell pregnant? decided, right? Enough's enough. >> Yeah, >> cuz you do see these women while pregnant and just after birth. Like, it's fucking nuts. >> Fuck that. Ultimately, if I get pregnant and I'm having a baby, the only fans, see you later. It's property that will then fund all the properties that I'll have by whenever that happens. That will be the funding. And then I just focus on my child having the best life. That's it. >> And who's mom and dad? Mom and dad are good. Mom and dad are good. >> Did they say that? Did they put on the brave face though or they just just happy that you're kind of how I'm trying to understand? >> I think see my mom and dad are more involved with the property business. So they like to think like I think that's how they deal with it. Oh, okay. She's buying this property now. Okay, so she's got to do this to it. She's got to do that to it. So my mom and dad won't really ask about fans or anything like that. They just know that the the money's coming in. Oh, mom, dad, I've brought this property now. This is the plan for it. What do you think? Yeah, I think you should do this. Cuz my mom and dad used to flip properties as well. Think you should do this? Do this. Do this. So, I think that's how they deal with it really. So, they're they're good. They don't ever ask about the Only Fans. I mean, my mom, she can't even pronounce it. She don't even know what the fuck it is really. What is it? She said the other day. Oh, is fans. How's the fans going? Are you still on that? I said, yeah, my mom's still on it. My mom's nearly 60. Do you know what I mean? But she's like, how's the fans going, bab? I'm like, yeah, it's all right, mom. It's all right. >> How many subscribers do you have? >> Oh, about one and a halfk. Obviously, you get your renews and they come through. Uh, new ones come through. >> How much is that? >> $7.99. But you can get a free trial. >> I'll I'll sort you out. I'll sort you out. I'll sort you out. >> So that comes every month cuz $7.99 is quite expensive. Some of the girls do it for like fucking dollar, two quid, three quid. >> You got fucking time wasters though. You got time wasters coming on the account, mate. You know, do you know what I mean? They ain't going to want to spend. They've come for a free trial. Obviously, I'll do a free trial when it's like events like Christmas. Free trial. Two weeks. >> Free trial. >> It's fucking mad the way the world went. Listen, I don't agree with it, but I don't disrespect the people who do it because it's their life choices and we all have life choices to make. Like you say, it's your body. Do what the fuck you want with it. People want to buy and subscribe and watch and have certain kinks that they want to do and they're paying top dollar. What the fuck can you do? >> Yeah, >> it's nobody's business. And I hate when like people get slaughtered when I see the girls and the boys and the men like sort of getting slaughtered for what they're doing. I'm thinking there's a lot of girls out there every weekend getting fucked and >> yeah, >> they're not doing anything with it. Like I said, I don't agree with it, but it's everybody's life choices to do what they want. How often now as well will you go on Instagram and you'll see like bikinis, lingerie. It's basically porn in itself in a way. Do you know what I mean? I think social media has evolved into more of like sexualized content, but obviously you're not allowed sexualized content. People do it secretly and manipulatively and that gets the views. It's strange. >> Let's talk about Christ then from someone who's done only fans which is total one of the worst sins you can do to then be crazy. How was that contradiction work? >> Do you know what it is mad and I'd be lying if I said like I don't ask for forgiveness for what I do because I go to church. I'm not a Bible basher. I don't sit there and read the fucking Bible every minute of the day. Do you know what I mean? But I am in touch with faith. And sometimes I just need God to hold my hand a little bit. And you know what? What I'm doing now, I know it's not great, but the world's evolved. And God's holding my hand and he's saying, you know what, Becky, you are doing something a bit, you know, morally. Do we agree with it? I'm not sure, but you're putting the money that you're getting from it to good use. So, I'll allow that and I'll uh I'll let you off for that. So, I I kind of like have the conversation with God. Do you know what I mean? And for me, faith is it held my hand. Faith held my hand when I was going through some proper shit. >> Not you. >> No. >> The fuck's the wind chains? That's God telling you, "Listen, you get fucking off. getting the Bible. >> But do you understand? Do you think you're more having the conversation with yourself to make out that what you're doing is okay because you're you're doing something else productive with it? >> Yeah. >> Because if you were fully involved in the church or listen, I'm not a Bible basher. I've got a big crucifix Jesus tattooed on my back. I've got faith and hope tattooed on my chest. I wear a crucifix, but I don't believe in it. But yet, why do I do that as well? because I had a great girl on Katie who was Love Island only fans turn to Christ and whatever she's doing is working and it must be good to have a feeling of someone is there to protect you for me it's all a mindset but to believe in something you know yourself to truly believe in it if you had that true belief you wouldn't be doing what you're doing but it is a good indicator to be sitting there and believing and convincing yourself it's okay what I'm doing is okay so it's like a >> I think it is that justification Isn't >> it? >> I think it is that justification because I'm not the type of person where if I don't go to church it's like a shit that's so bad. Like if I don't go to church I don't go to church but most of the time on a Sunday I will try and go. >> Where do you go with? >> Just on my own. On my own. I like that. Just go on my own. It's my own space. >> Are you a loner? >> No, I'm not alone. Uh some I do enjoy my own company. I do. >> Do you think it's safer for you being alone and sort of in your own company and own head? >> Yeah. >> Because how the fuck can you take a risk? >> Yeah. >> Of the choices that you've made. >> Fuck off. >> No, that's only from where I'm seeing it. And I don't mean any disrespect, but your choices stinking thinking. Do you know what I'm saying? like from the married man where you've not really had that much say in that because of the manipulation but you're a bit older now you're a bit more wise to the world >> to then going down that route again it's like maybe an attention thing as well and to get that power because now the men are doing what you say >> and you're taking money off them it's like a sense of fuck men I'm just going to take your money as well I don't know >> it's not that at all it's not I think it's just when you find yourself in a shit situation. Times get hard and decisions were made and that's just how I found it. >> Do you think you'll go full religion when you >> No. >> Try and make changes. You say that though that people who do go, they do glow different. They do feel different. They do speak different. I just don't like the fact of because I've interviewed so many people from all different religions, from all different backgrounds, it's hard for me to tap into one thing and believe, yeah, that's all the answers. I believe there's good and all these certain things. I just don't see the answers for myself to go and follow it because with thousands of gods and thousands of religions, I struggle to believe in who's right and who's wrong. But I think it's a great thing to have a belief. We do a lot of homeless work and all the other stuff and people turn to Christ. people with addictions and they believe that I believe Jesus is real. I believe that the stuff that they say obviously stuff can get missed like changed and the things in the Bible have been changed many times a few times but there's definitely a higher belief in a higher power and to have that higher power and believe in something it must be a great thing because it does change people but it's just a bit culty for me somewhere and I might be listen I could be a Bible basher next week next month next year I don't know >> I think when people are truly at the lowest they need something to believe in and if they believe in >> some sort of religion and it keeps them on straight and narrow. That's a beautiful thing. >> That is what happened to me. So, um, when I was at my lowest, that's when I actually found faith. And I'm not a Bible basher, like you say. I don't think I would ever go. Well, I would never go full religion, banging church out, banging, you know, psalms out, you know. I won't be able to. I mean I have I have the song written there um which is God is within her, she shall not fall. Felt like I fell and in a way I know Only Fans is a demonic way of the world but I feel like I'm rising at the same time as who I am. It's weird. I'm doing something demonic, but I'm I'm learning about me. So I feel like I'm rising. >> Yeah. You're still young. You're still going through your journey. Like you say, it's not a bad thing, but I think when people follow religion and they truly give their whole heart to it, they say the closer you come to Jesus, the lonier you become >> as well because it's all my rules I'm seeing now is all about fucking Christ. I don't know if they're trying to brainwash me, but it's all about Christ. And some of the quotes are amazing. Like I don't like the the old school, but I watch some of those American pastors and people who preach it and I think that's powerful shit that you do go that's unbelievable. And some of the the verses and stuff in the Bible, they are powerful. >> Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's exactly why I got that tattooed on me. Uh I also wear my crucifix and then I've got 444 tattooed as well. So like strong and courageous. >> Yeah, they're powerful numbers. But other people might say that as a 666 as well, which is a sign of the devil. >> I ain't got that tattooed on me. >> But if you turn the three fours upside down, they can look like a sex are turned on the other way. >> Oh, don't say that. I've had it tattooed on me now. It's too late. >> Yeah. Well, fuck it. How you feeling today? >> Good to be fair. Yeah. >> Plans for the future then? >> Property investment. Just continue with that. get as many properties as I can. Um, honestly, the state of this country at the moment, I don't know whether I will end up staying in the UK. I've got a question. Would I want my kids to be raised in this country at the moment? I'm not sure. >> The UK is still a beautiful place though, so don't get caught up in the social media. And I always have to promote that because there's a lot of beauty in the world here, especially in the UK as well. There's a lot of great scenery. There's a lot of great people. social media. I think there's chaos, which is in certain parts, but you walk along the street now. You you go out places where you live, people are okay. The majority of people want to go on in life. So, don't try and don't buy into it too much because >> this happens all around the world >> and it makes people feel of fear. It makes people angry. >> Now, the divide for me is >> everybody's part of the problem then because there's no >> communication. There's no compromising. Let's have a discussion. You see the world differently for me. Let's go for a cup of tea. Let's let's talk about it. How can we make things better then? So instead of the Catholics fighting Muslims and black and white and male and female, gay, straight, everybody work together. >> It's okay to see the world differently because it's that's life. But I just think everybody fighting and arguing, I believe they're the problem because we should be working together. If people work together, then they can create change. But nobody, not many people see it that way because people want to feel part of something. you go all these protest and all these rallies, they are great and it causes >> it causes it brings a lot of attention but >> it doesn't really create much change. >> No, I do honestly love my country. I do. I just obviously like you said sometimes social media and whatever algorithm you tap into your algorithm will then become obsessed with that. So, it seems to be a lot of like negativity around what's going on at the moment in the country. That's in my algorithm. Um, so future wise, I don't I don't know location where I'll be, but for now, I'm just riding the wave day by day. >> But you're still young. You still make choices. You still figure it out, you know. I just try and stay on the path and make better choices. >> Yeah. >> You know, and better things happen. But that's for anybody's algorithm is a little fucked up. You think the world's toxic, put your phone down, delete your apps for a few days, recharge, reset, because the world ain't as bad as what we believe is social media saying. I think AI plays a massive part in that, but it's brainwashing people. I'm looking at people on social media now. I don't post as much as I used to. We used to post I've got someone who does clips, but I used to post myself four or five clips a day in certain pages. Now I'm lucky if I post two and three a week. You know, I'm just tired of it. I think it's all bollocks and I think I'm I don't want to lose myself completely because everybody I see on social media, no matter if it's a positive post or a negative post, I see their mental health slipping. If you look at Tik Tok lives, that is like a fucking mental institute. You've get people talking to one person, zero viewers as well, and who the fuck are they talking to? We became so normalized with social media that people have completely lost themselves. We've got women setting up cameras, dancing in their brand pants with a quote, thinking that's it with their fucking kids crying in the background. Like, it's people have completely lost themselves. Family morals have totally changed as well. Like, I have kids. I want more kids. But >> it's I think the whole world I I would like to come away from it all. I would give it all up and just come away from it all and think, "Fuck this, man." Because it's so toxic. It's frying people's minds. >> It's totally frying people's minds. If you truly look on social media and look at people's reels and videos, you think, "Yep, they're gone. They're lost." People talking to cameras consistently. People doing 10, 20 fucking um stories a day and I'm thinking, "Where do you get the time? Who the fuck are you talking to?" >> Relax. Put your phone down. Go live. That's what I'm at. Because when you're at the journey as well, you crave that attention. You believe success is followers. You believe the success is attention in a sense where a business of views. But I'm just even the last few weeks I've kind of just trying to figure it out, man. I think this is what the fuck is what's it all about? Is this the purpose of setting up a >> a tripod and then dancing on it? How many And then when I see people doing these videos, I think how many takes did it take them? >> Do you think it will just get worse? >> I think it will get worse. I think there's going to be a big separation from it. >> Yeah. Yeah, >> I think people totally come away from it and I think people will be just totally lost in it and it's causing mayhem because >> like two massive divid people who Christ and stuff like they're constantly videoing content preaching about it and it's I believe that's what they want you to do is preach anyway but you can still be a good person without a camera. >> Yeah, >> you don't need to record everything. Like I could be on kick and all these stream platforms, but fuck that people have following you every day with a camera. Yeah. Is that what really life is about? Obviously makes people money, but >> I just find it so false now. I'm looking at it and I think I don't want to be this person anymore. I don't want to crave it. And I just see people completely lost in it. I see women completely lost. Divorce is at an alltime rate. Um people are struggling. People don't know what a real relationship is. They can't really enjoy their life because they're watching these other people's lives cutting about their bras and pants and being single and promoting all the feminist bullshit. People are totally lost. That's the way I'm seeing it, but I could be wrong. >> No, I'd agree that social media does brainwash people. You become obsessed with like followers and different things like that and you scale like you think that that's your value then however many followers you've got. It's not. It's not. Becca, for anybody watching, you've come through your struggles yourself. You fucking tried to jump in front of a car. You've overcome it. You're doing well. You're speaking well. You're very confident for a young girl. But for anybody who's in a life of struggle right now, what advice would you have for them? >> Um, if you're in a life of struggle right now, I sound like a police officer coming out in me. >> Once a cop or a cop. >> Shut up. I would definitely reach out to your circle, whoever you've got around you, family. Um, they know you best. Never think they don't know you best. So, reach out to family, friends ultimately as well. Sit back and just think, "Fuck me. Look at how far I've actually come. These struggles are only going to make me stronger." And just appreciate life because we only get one life. >> What's your social media links? Only Fans for all the imperverts out there. >> Yeah, it's Becca off duty. So Instagram Becker off duty. Only fans is Becker off Duty. You'll see the link on the Instagram. You've got bend it like Becca for any football gazers out there. Um Tik Tok Becker off duty. Becca off duty. >> There you go. So the Instagram I've got of you that's pretty clean. What Instagram is that? You have many Instagrams. Oh, that's my personal one. >> Oh, yeah. Cuz that's what I thought. I thought she must be not doing it or whatever. So, there you go. >> Yeah, that's my personal one that is. >> There's me think you're innocent and realizing that you're not. So, fucking love me. That's on me. But listen, thanks for coming on today. I think you're a decent person. I wish you nothing but the best for the future and hopefully it all works out for you. >> Oh, thank you.