THE SECRETS Behind THIS POWER COUPLE will 10x YOUR Relationship | Lisa Bilyeu on Impact Theory

I love the analogy of tennis, where it's like you got a choice. Are you on the opposite side of the court and we're hitting the ball back and forth, but ultimately one of you has to win. [music] Or you next to me and we're teammates and if I miss the ball, you got my back and if I miss the ball, I got your back. And we're [music] both playing to win the same game and the same thing together and at the end of the day, we're [music] both standing on the podium together holding that cup together. And so I just go to I've chosen a game of doubles. Okay, so if I've chosen a game of doubles, what [music] does that look like? If you want someone, which I do, to be there when you're weak, you have to be honest about where you're weak. If you want somebody to help [music] you on a journey, because to me it is a partnership. So if I'm changing [music] and evolving and no longer want to be a stay-at-home wife, finding it miserable, literally bored out of my nut, and the hard thing was I didn't want you to think that meant I didn't love you anymore. Everyone, this episode is brought to you by our sponsor BetterHelp, an online counseling company with the mission to make professional counseling accessible, affordable, and convenient. I hope you enjoy. Everybody, welcome to another episode of Impact Theory. Today, I am joined by what I am sure will be my favorite guest of all time, the one and only my wife, Lisa Bilyeu. Woo! [screaming] Welcome to the show. Thank you. very excited to have you. So, for anybody who's a die-hard fan, they know that you were on Health Theory once. So, you're now on Impact Theory. Relationship Theory before? Truth, facts, and now we're going to be talking about Well, I guess it's important to say that we're filming this the day before our 19th wedding anniversary. Wedding anniversary, so we've been together even longer. And today, we're going to be talking about relationships and I want to start with the idea of why love isn't enough. I think you and I would agree that love actually isn't enough if you want to have a thriving relationship and love, as controversial as this may be, is not how we've gotten to 19 years. It's controversial. I think some people will It's a very romantic notion to think that you get as far into a relationship as we've gotten. And I'll say there's a really amazing phrase that is so true about love, necessary but not sufficient. Mhm. You have to have it. Like that's a prerequisite. If you don't have it, you're really going to be in trouble. But that isn't the thing that's allowed us to navigate through and get here. So, but before you say how we've gotten here, why isn't love enough? I think when me and you got together, we I mean, we both have divorced parents. And so for you, marriage wasn't really a must either. Anyway, it was more like a Sure, I mean plan to get married, to be honest. Yeah, so it's like if you meet the right person, and then for me, I was so worried about why do 50% of marriages fail? Like if everybody thinks they're in love, but then ends up 50% divorced, there's a massive chasm between the time you fall in love to, you know, when people get divorced. And what happens in between that chasm? And I think for me and you, we just discussed that. It doesn't get you over your insecurities, it doesn't get you through arguments, it doesn't get you through disagreements and problems and hurdles. Like you can't just love your way out of it. Why not? Why can't you just love your way out of it? Yeah, like as prepping for this episode, I was really thinking that I think a lot of people can give you ideas about what to do to overcome the gap, but I don't know that a lot of people can explain what the gap is. Ooh, I want you to explain. I think you're going to have a good answer. interesting because you touched on a lot of what I think that it is, but it it ultimately comes down to change, I think is the single biggest thing that is the chasm is made up of. That just over time, like I'll even really make it sort of a basic thing and say that your hormones change throughout the course of a marriage, and when you sort of peg, so the seven-year itch, right, is where you've got the guy who's got this um massive sex drive, testosterone compelling him to seek novelty, and so you get this like breakdown of, especially if it's sort of an OG relationship where by the time you are seven years in, you've already had kids and they're probably about two or three years old, which they say is about the length to which nature has ensured that the guy stays engaged. And it makes sense that you need the woman to finish the pregnancy, to get the kids sort of to a balanced, you know, stable state. It's not like they could go off and take care of themselves, but that makes a lot of sense to me. Um so, if you were going to say what's the thing that the chasm is made up of, it's change. Can I actually ask you a question? In the how quickly you have flipped the tables here. [laughter] No, I have. But here's the thing actually, cuz as you were talking though, isn't it like your cells and your skin regenerate seven years? I literally was about to say, isn't it seven years? doubt they have anything to do with each other, but that's so interesting. your fundamentally, your body isn't the same cells and whatever whatever else it is, if it's not the same in seven years, then wouldn't that be a part of it? I I I think that you're grouping things that they have a spiritual core of something that feels like they must be related, but to me, honestly, the thing there that's far more interesting is how every seven years, if you're turning over every single cell in your body, how is it that you have a permanent sense of self that does change, but feels entirely connected. So, for me, that's less, I think, enlightening in terms of what happens in a marriage, but you have that people change, that they have rates of change, that they are learning different lessons in life. One may be going into like a turtling up mode. Life has sort of kicked them around and not been what they expected. Maybe the other person feels more expansive over time and things have gone well. And so they begin to understand each other less and less. And that brings me to what I think is sort of the second thing, which is I'll put a really uh overly fine point on it, but I think that it's it hints at the deeper, more profound issue, which is they're not using the same words and they think they are. That hints at what's actually the bigger problem, which is misunderstanding each other at such a profound level that you don't realize you're misunderstanding each other. So you think you are having the same conversation. And it's funny, I was just talking about this today on Impact Theory University, where I was like, here's the problem with emotions. They make things seem self-evidently correct. So I am angry. Therefore, it is self-evidently correct that you have done something wrong. And the fact that it feels self-evidently correct, you don't think to question like, "Why are Why are you arguing for your position? You know it's wrong." And that's where people get. The other person doesn't think they're wrong. The other person thinks you're just as crazy as you think they are. But no one ever stops to get to that. So do you think that the definition then of how people see love changes? Woah. I did not even think about that. I think that it does almost certainly change, but the bigger problem is that they never agreed what it meant in the first place. Huh? So well, now let's make that uh useful for people. So going back to this idea of your you are having an argument at a surface level because there's two things happening. One, the words don't mean the same thing. So, you think you're talking about the same thing, you're not. But then to compound issues, people are almost never talking about the real issue. And so, tell people, so what's the biggest fight that you and I have ever gotten in? Okay, well, we were driving. We're probably 2 years into our marriage, and we were at the pool, and you had saved and surprised me on this wonderful road trip, and you had saved every penny for us to get there. And so, the plan was we were going to get up, jump straight in the car, and then get there. So, morning comes, so exciting. I get up, I go to make my tea. This is a great example of the difference between sex in men and women, by the way. [laughter] Because like, this is all the foreplay. For me, it was like I was looking for this one-word answer. But, keep going, giving the context, like we're warming up. Yeah, yeah. Well, it gives it gives the idea and the context. truly, if people knew what was in my head, what I was expecting you to say when I asked that question, and then what I'm getting, it's like, oh my god, this is the difference between like, literally, how men approach sex and how women approach. Anyway, we'll we'll I'm sure at some point talk about sex. But for now, keep going. Okay. So, we go to get up we get up, I go to make my tea, and you start getting irritated with me. I don't understand why you're getting irritated. I want my tea, you want to get in the car. We start bickering, you know, one of those arguments you kind of early days, you're just bickering about something. You get in the car. Before we knew it, it was a full-blown row on the freeway, where we're screaming at each other. You turned the car around, chose to go back home. Vacation ruined. All ruined. All because I wanted a cup of tea, and you didn't want me to have the cup of tea. From the outside, that's what it seemed like. Right. Our biggest argument was over a cup of tea. Which is what I was thinking you would say. So fascinating. Uh But of course it wasn't about the tea. And that ended up so going back to this love thing is it seems self-evidently true to me that you were being disrespectful to me by having the cup of tea. Self-evident. And so it didn't make sense to me to need to address why it was problematic and disrespectful for you to have the tea. So to me you were drinking the tea. [laughter] You know what I mean? Like fully going did that. It looked so spiteful. Like yeah what you going to do? I'm going to be drinking my tea. Yes. That's how you perceived it. Yes. And that's what I'm saying. Like if people don't project into the other person and go, "What is this experience from their perspective?" Because let me tell you, if someone who loves you and that you love are going that head-to-head, you're not you don't perceive the situation the same. Therefore, the entire argument should stop instantly and you should simply say, "Where's the misperception?" And those two things to me, that we can so fundamentally misperceive a situation, meaning it seems self-evidently disrespectful to me, therefore you're doing it in full knowledge of how disrespectful it is. But of course what the breakthrough in that moment for us was, "No, you just have a totally different frame of reference." And then it was like, "Oh my god." Once I understood your frame of reference, I was like, "Whoa. Now your behavior makes sense to me and it isn't you being spiteful. It it goes from [laughter] to Right? You're just excited to have the cup of tea, to share the time and the space. And And what made a great vacation is setting off like great with my cup of tea and I don't have to rush and you're going to be sweet and then you'll get annoyed with me so I got annoyed that you were annoyed. and in fact, I totally actually I it just hit me what you're saying, cuz yes, I'm like, but if he loves me, Right. Now, now you're articulating your frame of reference. he love Thank you. If he loves me, then doesn't he want me to enjoy my cup of tea? If this vacation is supposed to be a gift to me, which he said it was, and he loves me, then why isn't he being sweet and kind and um graceful when I say, "Hey, I just want to spend the first 30 minutes having a cup of tea?" Love isn't enough. Honey, love is definitely not enough. So, those two things to me seem to be the most profound. So, you have people changing in different ways at different rates, and then people having these fundamental misunderstandings of each other, where they never get to what the actual root cause is. And just because you haven't said what your side of it was and why you thought it was being disres- why I was being disrespectful with the cup of tea. hadn't taken any time off work. I really felt a crushing amount of pressure to live up to what I had told your father, who did not want me to marry you, uh that I knew I was broke at the time, but that I would one day make you wealthy. And he just couldn't see it. He could not see how I was going to take And he wasn't saying like, "You need to make her wealthy." He was just legitimately afraid I wouldn't be able to take care of you. Now, at the time that I go to propose, I don't have a job. Like, I get it now, and didn't understand it at the time. And so, now I have all this pressure on my shoulders of like, "I really have to make this come true." We're multiple years into our marriage, it's not happening. I'm working really hard, but I'm not getting results. I feel in over my head. I feel sort of unprepared for this future that I can dream about, but I don't know how to execute against. And so, the only thing I knew how to do was work more more more more more. So, I was throwing a lot of hours at it, and of course, it ends up being that it really was wax on, wax off, and I really was getting better, but I hadn't sort of had that threshold moment where you could see it yet. And so, to take time off was to betray you. Was to betray everything I promised you. Was to um play at being your husband instead of actually taking care of you. And so, I'm coming into this I've ever heard you say that before. I don't think I've ever said it like that before, which is always fascinating to just speak out loud. Yeah. So, in the moment, I'm thinking, "Okay, if I'm going to take this time off, if I'm going to spend this money that I should be taking care of you with and making sure that you have a roof over your head and food on the table, because at this time we have a very traditional relationship. You're staying at home, I'm working. Mhm. And I was like, "If we're going to do this, we need to make the most of it. We need to be at the hotel." But, I haven't said any of this, and that's the important thing. It seemed self-evident to me. It seemed obvious to me that that's what this was and how we should react. Okay? It never occurred to me that you had a different frame of reference. I didn't even know the concept of frame of reference. So, I'm like, "Okay, obviously we need to get to to the hotel the moment it opens, because they charge you." I mean, if you prorate the money by minute or hour, it's like you're literally throwing money away if you're not there at the moment that they let you in. And I'm so panicky about this about money at this point. So, we're going to waste money if we're not there on time, and then I'm not working. So, we should be on vacation. We shouldn't be sitting in our apartment where we are all the time drinking tea. Like, it just Mhm. it seemed to not acknowledge that this was a huge sacrifice for me. That taking time off felt so risky. Spending money felt so risky. And here you were doing something that we could do on any weekend. And so we get in a screaming match, we turn around, we're driving back, and at that point I finally like I'm playing the scene in my head, you're having the biggest fight of your life over a cup of tea. And just saying those words in my head was like there's no way this is about a cup of tea. And that insight is why I do Impact Theory, no joke. It's indicative of why I do Impact Theory. Where it's like I I don't know that I earned that insight. But I had it and it was life-changing. And so now it's like all I try to do is encounter other people's information where hey, maybe you've had an insight that I haven't had that'll change my life. And then all the insights that I've had like may save somebody else. So it was realizing there's no way this is about a cup of tea. What is this about? And that one question changed the course of our marriage. Because then we said, what is this? And now people have to imagine two young kids. So you're at this point 24 maybe. Yeah, about 25. I'm 27. So maybe should have known a little better, but still very young. And we fumble through it. And in the end we realize, oh my god, you have a totally different frame of reference than I have, and I have a totally different frame of reference than you. And from that moment, every time we get in a fight, we're like we're at the tea. Mhm. What's the real argument? So that's the chasm to me. Now how do people cross it? How do people cross the chasm? Yeah, how do people like Oh my god, of all the humans on this planet, you were the right person to ask this question. Now, because you're writing a book, we won't get too much into this right now, but I've never known anybody as well as I know you for sure, but I'm not even sure I've ever met anybody whose life changed as dramatically over the course of their marriage than you. So you go from housewife to very successful entrepreneur, able to run divisions of companies. I mean, it's really, really an incredible transformation. But, that level of change caused massive disruption in our marriage. And so, how did we get to the other side? Well, so for me it's always I love the analogy of tennis, where it's like you've got a choice. Are you on the opposite side of the court, and we're hitting the ball back and forward, but ultimately one of you has to win. Or you're next to me, and we're teammates, and if I miss the ball, you've got my back, and if I miss the ball, I've got your back. And we're both playing to win the same game and the same thing together. And at the end of the day, we're both standing on the the podium together, holding that cup together. And so, I just go to I've chosen a game of doubles. Okay, so if I've chosen a game of doubles, what does that look like? If you want someone, which I do, to be there when you're weak, you have to be honest about where you're weak. If you want somebody to help you on a journey, because to me it is the partnership. So, if I'm changing and evolving and no longer want to be a stay-at-home wife, finding it miserable, literally bored out of my nut, and the last thing I wanted was [laughter] to was to put clothes out for you and take care of you anymore. And the hard thing was I didn't want you to think that meant I didn't love you anymore. And so, I Especially because and this is interesting, we've never articulated this out loud, you would use that as an example of showing me that you love me. So, it really was a part of how you expressed your love for me was to support me in that way and to do those things. So, now, it wouldn't have been a misunderstanding for me to take that as an act of love, which of course I did. So, now you've been giving me this gift for years, I take it as an act of love, we integrate it into the narrative that we tell about our relationship to other people. Like I would call you the CEO of Billy Industries, which meant that you were facilitating my work career. And so, all of those things gave you the ability to express love, made me feel loved, but now don't work anymore. At least on one side. It still worked for me. Yeah. That's true. Um it really goes to how we even discuss business. So, even with our emotions, even with us changing, everything that we do in business or personal, it's like what's the goal? And how do I get there? And what's going to serve me in order to get there? So, the goal was for me to change my life, to break out of the mundane. consciously thinking that. Once it started to hit me, so once we started Quest and I was still in Quest to help I was supporting my husband. How long were you unhappy before you changed? I mean, when I look back, 8 years. Wow, really? Putting It wasn't my dream to put out clothes for you and cook for you. So, when I say unhappy, it's not like I was profoundly unhappy and crying every day by myself. was essentially the whole time. That's not like, oh, for 3 or 4 years I was fine. That That lasted 8 years. Yeah. So, the whole time you were unhappy. got perpetually worse, where it's like I can self-soothe. I can self-soothe. And then by the end I just couldn't. And so I just looked and I was like, okay, I'm loving Quest. I'm loving all this change that I'm doing. I don't want to do the housewife stuff anymore. And so when I I know my personality is to just be almost like dismissive, not meaning to but just be like, well, I'm not doing that anymore and like let me do more and more of this. Not thinking about how that would actually affect you or our relationship. And so I you think about the goal. What is the goal? I don't want to cook and clean for you anymore. But my goal is still to be extremely happily married. My goal is to now find myself, if you will. And so in that thinking, I was like, okay, well, if this is a tennis match and we're on the same side, how do I articulate to him where my weak strokes are and he can come and help me instead of thinking like I can do it all by myself. And so inviting you in and saying I love learning about myself. The stuff that I'm doing at Quest, like I'm really growing into who I want, but I I have a problem. Can you help me solve this problem? I don't want to you see as the problem? That I can't do both. I didn't want to do both. I didn't want to work and be a stay-at-home wife or be a supportive wife and like I I just didn't I wanted to go all in on myself and all in on learning and building with you and finding out who I am and what I'm capable of. And so I think that in that process I just said I don't want to cook and clean anymore. Like it it is making me so unhappy and because it took me 8 years to even allow myself to think that. Because I didn't when I now say in hindsight I was miserable for 8 years. But in the time I did have I was so soothing the entire time. You're going to have to define that for people. Self-soothing? Every time you feel like what am I doing with my life, I distract myself. Distract yourself or tell yourself a story about I'm helping my husband and that matters to me. Both. So self-soothing emotionally is Cuz what did you do? You didn't like turn to food, drugs, or anything like that, so No, I didn't turn to that, but I definitely um So emotionally self-soothed, it's for the bigger cause, it's for the bigger vision, it's the new enterprises. I I'm you know, I have to stick out my end of the bargain. Um and then the other thing was distract myself in every way, shape, or form. So you say food, food was a distraction for me, counting calories, being obsessive on the treadmill, how many calories have I burned. Um that was extremely unhealthy for my mindset. So I did everything I could to distract myself. You know, I would cook 30 burgers for you cuz you were like, you know, lifting. And so I would distract myself with me like me new tasks every day all day every day. Um so, when I started and realized I wanted to change and I was loving developing myself, I knew that I couldn't and didn't want to do it alone. And this comes back to again, you either bring them in to be a helpful source or you push them away and say I can do this by myself. But it never don't it never seemed the right answer to be like, this is who I am now and now you have to accept it. It's like, I want to be married to you, babe, for the rest of my life. To the day I die, to the day I take my final last breath. Hopefully 90, 100 years old. So, if that's going to young, bro? I know. But if that's actually going to freaking happen, you have to navigate the changes in life. I'm I am changing and I am feeling like that. And so, how on earth can I live to 90 and 100 and actually say that with an honest, you know, face that I want you next to me and then at the same time dismiss any emotion you may have over the things that I'm changing. And so, bringing you into the thing seemed like the most um to be honest, it felt more supportive. It's like, oh, he can support me in this. But I had to be very aware and really respectful to the fact that my change is going to impact you. How did you think about it not being an ultimatum, though? Like, if you knew and maybe you didn't, but I assume you knew deep in your heart that this is a one-way street. I'm not going back. And I guess it's important to note that at this time it was years of you supporting me and showing love one of the ways through all of that, sort of facilitating my life. Not doing it and we couldn't afford to get help, which meant if you know, my clothes were going to be made, washed, put out, folded, whatever, now I was going to have to do what I was doing already, plus all of those things for myself because we couldn't afford to have somebody else to do it for us. So, it's not like this was inconsequential and now it's just, "Oh, well, somebody else is doing it." It was adding hours worth of work to my life, certainly weekly, and in some cases daily. Um So, you know you're not going back. It has a meaningful impact on my life negatively. How did you Like, what was that thing? Were you just looking for a solution? Like, I know there's an answer here and I just have to We have to stay in dialogue long enough to find it or It was all stumbling through it, but it really was like, how would I feel if you just changed your picture up on me? Like, literally, right? It was I wanted four children and here I was like, "Oh, yeah, I don't want to clean for you anymore." And at that time we still thought we were going to have kids, but it wasn't a um like an all or nothing, but it was I'm changing and um I need your help and your support here, and I don't think I can do it alone. You know what, honestly, like if I really think about what made that time tough, it was also that as as you got better at things and found like your um strength in a new area, it was changing your personality. Mm. And that's actually really interesting to think through. I would love to talk about that, actually. So, just to kind of to wrap up the question of how I handled it, I knew I just put myself in your shoes. How would I feel if we had made all these discussions about our future and what we were going to do and now I'm completely changing it. It's like I wouldn't want someone to be dismissive over the fact that you're changing the plans. I wouldn't want you to be dismissive over the thing that I have gotten to love to Right? Like, you love the fact that I was just taking care of you. You didn't have to think about it. So, I just approached it like, "Okay, show him the respect that I acknowledge that I'm I'm the one changing. Acknowledge that I understand I'm causing more difficulty in essence to your life. So, don't be dismissive over that. But, then also acknowledge, going back to the very the first thing that you started with with, you know, love that love isn't enough, but you need love. It's just like, you love me. And so, if you love me, what does that mean? You want what's best for me. You want me to be happy. Now, if the partner doesn't want you to be happy, that's a whole other thing. But, if you truly do want me to be happy, and babe, this is what's going to make me happy, I need to say those words. I need to start expressing to you how unhappy I was, cuz I didn't do that. I was like holding it all in. I wasn't telling you how miserable I was. So, going okay, I need to articulate that to you. And as I was articulating that, the last thing was, I need to give you the grace to feel like this isn't a great thing for you, and give you the grace to be like, I have to mourn, quote-unquote, the wife you used to be, and then the wife that you're kind of letting go of. And I respected that so much, because I would want you to do the same for me. If let's say all of a sudden I married someone that's extremely ambitious, wants to build business. But, if you turn to me tomorrow, babe, and you're like, you know what? I'm freaking tired of this and I don't want to do anything. You know, I actually just want to live a life of utter um gluttonous, like I want to sit and eat ice cream and watch movies all day, and babe, that's what's going to make me happy. Like, I would want to be able to support that in you. If you told me that's what made you happy. But, at the same time, you are changing your picture up on the type of person you are. So, giving you the grace, and then allowing you to mourn it, and then I joke about it, but it's kind of like I'm I was weaning you off the drugs, or like weaning you off me being that type of wife. And so, we made this agreement. I was like, all right, babe, like what I'll do is I'll cook maybe 5 days a week, and I won't cook on, you know, for for days. And then, for the next 3 days, I'm going to put your clothes out for work, but then I'm going to stop. And then, in a week, I'm going to stop putting your gym clothes out um so that you're able to make this transition and feel like you're a part of it. And then, the last thing, I think I already said this, but letting you know how happy I was. Like, I feel so fulfilled by this. Oh my god, I love my life. I've never thought I would feel like this, but I do. And as a partner, you truly love someone even when it's worse for you, isn't that what you want in your partner to be happy? And so, we really talked about it, and you know, we made the the deal that we would always articulate and we'd communicate throughout the entire process so that it would There were no, you know, signs that we were missing or things like that. Yeah, it was um it was one of those things as we were going through it, I was like, "Oh my god, this is how other people get themselves in trouble." And from my side of the um coin, I was going to say from my side of the net, but that [laughter] isn't Well, I was going to say it because you primed me for it, but um you know, with that same idea of, "Okay, we're on the same team. We're on the same side here." And then, I remember cuz one of the harder things, like in retelling it, it's easy to focus on like the clothes and stuff, but to be honest, like that was a pretty um whatever. You know, it's you're sad to see it go. It was definitely a sort of love language thing. It was nice, but it wasn't like our marriage was built around I go do these things and you take care of me. It We had a very vibrant emotional life, a deep shared connection, a thriving sexual life. Like, we had all those other things going for us. And, you know, I had always considered you my equal, and so there was none of that like sort of 1950s Like, I don't want people to think this is a cozy and clean thing. It wasn't that. literally just to just then state we made this decision together. It was you going to We both wanted to make movies. So, you're going to go off and we heard about Steve Jobs. You're going to go off and work and focus on just that thing. You weren't going to make any other month like smaller decisions about what we're going to eat, what who pays the bills, how do we pay it, where do we go for dinner, where am I getting the groceries from? Like all of that. So, we sat down. It was a very like well-laid plan originally where it was like, "All right, build your enterprises. You're going to go make the money. I'm going to be be president of Bilyeu Homes and I'm going to take care of this and then in a year and a half we're going to make all our money. We're going to go off and make movies." Like that was the plan. 18 months? 18 months, baby. So, it that's where it started and then that turned into 8 years. So, yeah, thank you for saying that. I don't want anyone to misinterpret that I was the 1950s wife. It was absolutely we had the goal, we had the strategy. And in that strategy I got lost. I lost myself and that is not on you. That is 100 1,000% on me because I didn't speak up. I didn't ask myself what I wanted in life. And then finally when I did you were so beautifully receptive to me becoming the woman I wanted to be. And if you think love is just enough to get through that like that was hard. That was a lot of hard work. think we've even gotten to the part that was really hard. So, the part that was really hard is when you're watching you get into a dance with your partner where you act one kind of way, I act another kind of way, and so it works, right? And then as you were getting into business and having to toughen up there was a tough side to you that began to come out. And I remember having to say to you like you're getting hard. And I And this is where it gets where change gets interesting, right? Because you fall in love with somebody that you're really attracted to. You're attracted to them because they're a specific kind of way, whether it's they look a certain kind of way, they act a certain kind of way, all of it. And as that changes, then it's like, well, am I still attracted to this? Is this the kind of person that I would fall for? And so, it's this really interesting dance of, okay, I've gotten together with you, you're becoming somebody that I don't think I would have married in the first place, but we're already in this, we've shared a life. My big joy is I want to share this life with you. I'm I'm essentially with my one life running an experiment. Which is, what does it look like to share a life with one person? And to me, that's the greatest joy of a human life is it's the one thing you can never make up, right? So, part of the reason I always told you, don't ever worry that you're going to get old and you're going to age and one day you're not going to be young and hot, because what this is for me is is about sharing a life with somebody. And all the good, the bad, and everything in between. And so, you're changing, I'm make I'm running this experiment of, you know, what does it look like if you stay together no matter what? Not no matter what, but within certain confines that probably is outside the scope of this discussion, unless we have 18 hours. So, you're changing, you're becoming something that in real time, I was like, I wouldn't have been drawn to this if you had had had this sort of tough edge to you when we first got together. Which, by the way, doesn't mean that you weren't um you were a very solid, stable, confident person. Like, I need go no farther than say the Craigs. You're either in or you're out. [laughter] Uh so, I knew that within you there was a deep well of resilience and intensity, but it just wasn't a day-to-day thing. And now it was becoming a day-to-day thing. For you to thrive in business, you really had to step up. And if people understood what like thrive in business is like this really abstract term, but in reality, it was like a bunch of gang members and you rising up like to run this How many people are in your department? Um in the shipping department, there was 40. And I think at least 20 them were ex-convicts. Yeah, it was crazy. And People will never really understand what that was like. just for people to give a Yes, and you had very intimidating physically intimidating employees and they had to take you seriously. So, for you to become that kind of person, it's not just developing a big bark, it's about having so much skill at what you do and so much clarity and intensity that people just want to follow you. Right? So, this wasn't about you becoming a raving lunatic, but you were becoming so firm, so convicted, so hard that it was like, "Yo, where did my wife who had gentility and nurturing qualities and like all this softness, which helped balance all the intensity and hardness that I had to develop?" So, it was this wonderful yin yang of in business I have to be ultra hard, but then I can come home to somebody who is soft and just a totally different vibe. And now, we're both hard. And it to me is like the emotional equivalent of you've ever seen two bodybuilders when they're together, like a male and female or male and female, it doesn't matter. But, like two bodybuilders in a romantic relationship to me is unappealing. It's just hard on hard. It's muscle on muscle. I'm just like, "What's happening here?" Like, there's no differential. And to me, some of the joy is that differential of the masculine and feminine. Um And you loved that about me. That was part of I think what you loved and you I was not losing I don't like to say losing it, but I was um You had developed a new gear and you were permanently in that gear. So, now I'm only looking for ways to make it work. I'm not looking for the exit ramp. And that's been a big thing. One thing I think that people need to know about us is we don't even say the D-word. Oh, it's like Voldemort. You don't say it in our house. Yeah. So, The D-word being divorce just in case people But, the funny thing I wasn't even going to say it. Like, that's how much No, no, no, I think it's good, but like that's how much energy I put around that word. I don't talk about it. it as well. I didn't really Wise. I don't talk about it. I don't joke about it. And so, going through that, I'm like, "Okay, I'm totally committed to this, but I need to find a way to like connect to it and feel good about it. And the big thing for me, and I think this is like the key for people when it comes to change, is I have a rule in my life that I only elevate those around me. And so, I'm like, never more so than with my wife, if I'm trying to elevate you, do I not want you to become the most powerful person that excites you, that you learn everything you've ever wanted to learn? Is that not exactly what I want for you? And the answer is yes. So, then I'm like, "Okay, now we have to find a way to connect to this, find out how we avoid the sort of muscle on muscle vibe, and, you know, really like find that rhythm. But just being able to say, "I want I want you to become whoever you want to become in order to be proud. And I want you to feel that you've become as powerful as you want to become." And it was interesting, then it sort of unlocked something, and it wasn't anymore about keeping you the same. Mhm. It was about, "All right, well, let's go on this ride together." And then, obviously, communicating a lot about it. And then, I hope, because functionally what happened is you now have multiple gears, cuz there are times where you're just this sappy, super gentile, ultra-nurturing, like, "Let me do something sweet in that way for you." And I love it. And the thing is, I actually, like, in hindsight, 100% like, I'm so grateful to you for pointing that out to me. Which thing? That I was hardening and that it may not eventually be good for our relationship because I like it like I actually genuinely like feeling um maybe soft is the right word and I don't know why I'm caveating it because today's society, you know, people are just like that's the meaning to women. It's like no, actually I do like being soft around you. I like being a big ball of cuddle cuddle cuddliness. Um I love that. And I think I was so driven about what I was doing in the change I was making within myself. I think I put it aside not realizing how important it was for me to be that way. And so now it's because of that you you brought it to my attention and I'm very aware of it and I'm like oh wait, I actually feel good about being a um you know, ball of mush sometimes that now I I I have worked on how I pivot from being your business partner that if we disagree, I'm not going to back down. We're going to have that, you know, debate or at least that, you know, maybe heated discussion about the subject because as your business partner, I owe it to you to not be weak and I owe it to you to stand my ground if I believe in something and you owe it to me to stand your ground and for us to go through it and find the best answer for the both of us and for the company. And so I have to be strong because you're very intense and you're very passionate and you're very articulate and so when you feel passionately about something and you become intense, sometimes it's easier just to back down. But as your business partner, I need to be strong. It is something I value in myself. I do it for my own sake, not even for your sake, but I do do it for my sake. And then the other side of it is is that I do want to be that like mushy wife. And so how do I transition from one to the other? How do I make sure that I don't stay in one gear? That I am able to shift multiple gears? And that just became okay, what tools do I know that I have to my um ex- accessible to me? Because it's on me to learn how to do that. I can't turn to you. Not that I can't. I I I think it's a detriment to myself to turn to you to make me feel either mushy or hard. It has to be within me. And so for me, it absolutely I think I just told you this a couple of weeks ago that I did this. I found myself really long day, very hard day. I felt myself really strong and I was like, I just want a big cuddle from you, but I don't feel like I want a big cuddle. Like I'm I'm tense. And so I was like, what do I know? Okay, go into my tool belt. So, my tool belt is clothes, makeup, hair, jewelry, music, all of these things to make me feel a certain way. And so, that's my tool tool belt. If I want If I want confidence, people like, "Oh my god, you're so confident." No, no, no, no. I go into my tool belt and I go, "How do I build my confidence in this meeting? How do I build my confidence in front of this photographer?" And so I choose certain things to make me feel a certain way. And so with you a couple of weeks ago, I had such a hard day. I wanted the cuddle, but I didn't really want it, but I knew it was good for me. So I went up to our bedroom. I took off all my clothes, all of my jewelry. I put on my big flannel Wonder Woman pants, my pajama bottoms. I put on like a loose top. I tied my hair back. I took my makeup off. I put on my robe. And then literally, I just felt differently. And I came up to you and I gave you a big hug and I just I was able to make that transition from one to the other. But that takes a lot of freaking attention, practice. This is nuanced. Mhm. It's complicated. And I think that it's I try never to be in like kids today mode, but sometimes I do worry that we are like I don't care what role people play in their relationship, but to fail to understand that we have evolved to play roles is where people really get into trouble. Like I'll just say and people can light me up in the comments if they want. I would never be able to stay with a wife who didn't know how to make me feel powerful. And I use those words very intentional. I should know how to make myself feel powerful as well. But if you didn't know what little moves to do to make me feel powerful, I don't know. It just there would be it feels so good. And it's like I hope that women will be very comfortable with this. If you're with a man that doesn't know how to make you feel beautiful, you're missing a trick. Completely I can't just add one little thing as well because you're right people are going to blow up the comments right now. And here's the thing. People want to know how we've been together this long with this honest. I want you to make me feel a certain way. Now, I can't rely on you. I cannot rely on you babe to make me feel sexy, to make me feel sexual. That is on me. I do want you to to make me feel beautiful. But again, I don't need you to. And it's important to understand you need to understand the difference between need and want because failing to understand that you have to own yourself, you have to own your own emotions, you have to take control of your life and yet hold the competing idea in your head of but I also need a partner who knows how to elevate me and make me feel beautiful or powerful or sexy or strong or like whatever that need is that you have where it's yes, at my best I should be able to do this for myself and 99% of the time I do, but I'm not always at my best and I need somebody that can help me in those ways. And it's like if in the moment where you need me to make you feel beautiful, right? Already a super fragile state means you're not in a great place. If I'm like, you shouldn't need me to make you feel beautiful. It's like, wrong answer. It's like, yes, that's actually true, but in that moment, oh god, is it the misread of the situation? And then also that's what to me a partnership is. Like we've committed to being in a partnership together. So there is going to be a 100% this crossover of relying on the other person, of needing the other person, you know, on occasions to really be able to turn to them and know they've got your back that when you fall on the floor, they are there to reach out a hand and pull you back up. To me that is what a partnership is and to then not be honest with them about what you need, about your vulnerabilities. So sorry, I kind of interrupted you, but I'm so passionate about this one thing cuz you just said it as well. Is that you've given me the tool, like the biggest vulnerability you have, you've just handed it to me, right? I want you to make me feel powerful. So now I know I can use it when you're I can use it as a dig, I can use it because I know that makes you feel good and so obviously maybe making you feel weak is very powerful tool, but I'll never use the weakness. I'll never come to you and do it deliberately and make you feel weak. So it's giving someone the power to use what you're looking for in a relationship against you. And the fact that we never do that with each other is part of what makes us so strong. No doubt. It is so complex to navigate these things, to be able to ask for something like that. Do you remember the scene in Jerry Maguire? Where so in Jerry Maguire he's like at his lowest of lows and Kelly Preston I think is the actress comes up behind him and is like, "You're but Jerry Maguire and like you do this." And he's like, "Yeah, keep it coming. This is really working." And I remember thinking, "That's what you do for me." Like those times where I like I've done the hard work to make sure that I'm growing and getting stronger and better and capable. Like this isn't it's not you bullshitting me. It's you reminding me of who I am. And while yes, I secretly hope that I don't ever need it. In fact, this is either I'm about to people up and change your life forever or they will not see the wisdom in this and I fear for their own relationship. It does as much for me to be effective at making you feel powerful or beautiful or loved, whatever you need in that moment, as it is for you to actually get the sense of power, beauty, love, whatever. And vice versa because This is my Daryl moment. We all need to be needed. And honestly, if in this relationship you were never down and didn't need me to help dig you back up, that would be worse for us. That would be bad for me. I would never get a chance to be needed by you. And vice versa where you need to be needed by me. And having that, I don't think people recognize how amazing that moment is, which was another early revelation that I had in our marriage of thinking in the beginning that for you to find me sexually attractive, I would need to be better than you at everything. And it was mind-blowing to finally realize who the would want to be in a relationship where the other person was better than them at everything. And so really coming into an understanding that us being peers, but good at different things was really the outcome and that not only would it be useful to me for you to have a chance to elevate me back up to pick me up to brush me off to remind me of who I could be, but it was beneficial to you as well that like we each got something out of that exchange. That's so powerful. And then one thing I want to add is it's also not healthy to only rely on that person to make you feel a certain way. Preach. Because now in my vision you're you only feel powerful, which is what you're looking for. You only feel powerful if I'm the one that is making you feel that way. I don't want that pressure. Like I've got my I've got my own insecurities, my own like that I have to work through, my own, you know, self-narrative of I'm not good enough and you know, just the things that I deal with on a daily basis of my insecurities. And so it's like if I'm already in my own head trying to pick myself up in my own head to show up every day and I don't have the energy for you where now you're purely relying on it for me and that's where I think that me and you would then butt heads, right? Because I don't think we'd necessarily in those moments be able to articulate it. I'm obviously not giving you something that you're looking for, but I'm not necessarily willing to give you all of that. Yeah. It is it is so difficult to get into the nuance of this stuff. Mhm. I mean everything we're talking about right now, it comes back to me and you discuss everything. We communicate on every aspect. And so anyone listening, really that's what it comes down to is it doesn't even matter what you're looking for in your relationship. You do you. If but communicate that with your partner. If you want to, you know, if it's a role thing, communicate. If it's an um a leadership thing, communicate. If it's a I want to feel this way, communicate. Like me and you every step of the way we communicate, so there's not that friction that I think so many couples have. Um where it's am I supposed to be this and he they're supposed to be that and you know, just discussing those things has been game-changing for me and you. I always think that people would be a little tripped out to hear us talk in real life because they'd be like, they actually talk like that. Oh, yeah, we do. Like even recently I discovered a new trigger and I told you and I was like, you're pressing my your you're like I told you the trigger and then when we got into a bit of a debate, I was like, okay, I I feel like you're um you're pressing on my trigger right now. You're activating my trigger. But articulating that to you because you may not know. Everyone always thinks the other person understands what they mean, but they don't freaking understand. They're not in your head. They don't know. So even if I've told you, hey, this is a trigger of mine, it doesn't mean that you actually know when you're triggering me. So I've told you the trigger. Now imagine we're not articulating and or I feel like well, I've already told him. It's like no, it's a constant evolution. So if it's a well, I've ever I've already told him and let's say you then do it. I can I can't believe how disrespectful he is. I can't believe how much he doesn't give a I've told him what it is and he's still doing it, right? That's one response. Or I can go, it it's communication. I'm it needs to take time. It has to be repeated. It has to be addressed with no judgment. Like I knew it because I know you and because I know you love me, going back to where we were saying. Now I go, cool. He loves me. I'm not communicating enough. Now look, sometimes in those moments it doesn't feel like it, so sometimes we have that discussion after. If you truly believe that person wants what's like great for you. If your partner really wants to see you happy. If your partner really wants to see you succeed. In those moments where you feel disrespected, slighted, they're pressing my freaking triggers, they're doing it on purpose. Go back to what do you know? If you know they love you. If you know they don't deliberately want to hurt you, then what we do is it must be a communication issue. It must be the freaking tea. I know she loves me. You introduced us to that idea, which is so powerful. I would do something that would upset you, and you would say to yourself, or you'd ask yourself, Does he love you? Do I know that he loves me? And if the answer is yes, then I come back to this conversation from that perspective. If the answer is no, I have a much bigger problem. Yeah. I remember thinking, "Oh, that's so smart." Like, it's such a great backstop to not let something really get out of hand to be like, "Okay, wait a second. I know this person loves me. So, now what is it that we're disconnecting on?" And when you can come back, and sometimes it is come back, it's not like you and I don't argue, but we're very good at making sure that those arguments are short-lived, that they don't linger, that no what we call dust settles, so that there's no residual aftereffect of that fight. It's like really we get through it, we process it, we figure out how to hopefully avoid it, be better about it the next time. We do what we call giving each other the keys to the kingdom. This is what you could have said or done that would have really and you say it like from, "Hey, you triggered my insecurity. And so, if you'd done this, like it would have, you know, really helped me." So, And then also just to add, it address it. Like, "Okay, he loves me. Did he do it deliberately?" And sometimes I'm like, "I don't know." Like, "I know you love me, but I don't know if you've done X, Y, and Z deliberately or not. And I don't know if you're deliberately um doing it to make me feel this way." And so, I'll just say that to you. It's like, "You've made me feel" and we kind of always emphasize feel like that. "You've made me feel" Oh, we're going to say No, you keep going. I'll come back. this way. It actually feels deliberate because I told you only a week ago that this is what triggers me. And you now have come and deliberately in my for my side of things it from my frame of reference. Thank you. It seems like you have done this deliberately because I literally just told you. [snorts] And that's where we then have the open dialogue. We're like, there's so many freaking nuances. We're like, that's what you meant by trigger? Like, that's what you And then it's like, yes, what did you think I mean? Or what did you think I meant? And then you just keep passing through keep passing through it. And then the chances are that's going to happen again. And then it's like, it feels like you did this deliberately again. And then we can talk through it. And it's like, do I know you? Do I know that you wanted to deliberately upset me? No. Okay. And then we just keep talking keep talking using that language. You touched on a really important idea, which is that we say the word feel, you mean it feels like, because we don't inherently trust our emotions. We don't think that just because we feel something it is true. And one thing that you and I have that I think is really powerful is going back to that idea of I don't have the responsibility to make you feel good, strong, powerful, beautiful, whatever, loved. I have the opportunity to make you feel that way, but I don't have the obligation. And when you realize I need to own my feelings. So you have done this thing, whatever that thing is, but I have chosen to feel this way about it. And so just because I feel that way does not mean that it is true, and I am very eager to find out if it is true. So so often people confuse their feelings with thinking. That that they've actually thought through the problem. And I And I don't mean that to be feisty. I mean that literally. Like people It's actually a There's an economist named Thomas Sowell, brilliant guy. And he said, "The problem isn't that Timmy doesn't know how to think. The problem isn't even that Timmy doesn't know what thinking is. The problem is that Timmy confuses thinking with feeling." And people confuse feeling something for having thought through it or for record for knowing that something is true. And the courtesy that we do each other, certainly that we do our marriage, is that when we feel something, we don't go it therefore is true and they actually have done this on purpose to hurt me even though that is how it feels, is we go, "Hey, that's how it feels and so if you can address that, right? Let me know, was that the intention?" And then if it is the intention, then of course And sometimes it is, by the way. And yes, I actually did mean to make that feeling happen. And so that I know the face he makes so well when I'm like, "Yes, that is what I intended." And you're like, [snorts] Uh You know, and it's like, "Okay, fine. We just like we're [laughter] we're ratcheted up to another level because I may have meant to make you feel that way, but I didn't expect you to feel some kind of way about me making you feel that way. You know what I mean?" Yeah. And so then it's like you have to keep going. And last thing, Jesus, I could go on forever. This stuff is so important, it's so useful in our marriage and I really think it will help other people. Um But one thing that people really have to understand is this idea of you've got to want the other person to win. Like all of this stuff only works if you are just filling your heart with I want this person to win. I want to navigate this in a way where I'm not trying to win the argument. I'm trying to like I want them to win at life. I want them to feel elevated. I want them to feel better about themselves when they're around me than when they're not. I want to elevate this marriage and by always focusing on elevating each other, by focusing on like recognizing that you're only going to be able to elevate each other in the marriage if you're honest. And so when I take you to that new level and I think, "God, like the the argument just got harder, it got worse. There's more emotions, like things are heightened." And being willing to push through that because I want us to win. I don't want there to be dust that settles. I want to get really to the truth, and sometimes that means that you have to own something that's really hard. That's like there have been so many times in our marriage, and I'm sure for you on the other side as well, where I think, "If I just do a little white lie right now, [laughter] like this argument is over." Yeah. Because she has offered me an olive branch, and all I have to do is go, "Yes, thank you. Oh my god." And the argument's over. And I never do it. And that sometimes adds an hour, two hours to an argument where it's like, "Oh god, I just don't want to be in this argument anymore." But for us to actually get to the other side, and for there not to be residual animosity or hurt, we have to say all of the true things so that we can process through everything so that we can find a way to get to the other side. Yeah. One thing I want to add, I know you're trying to wrap up, but I'm so like here's um When [snorts] we were talking about triggers and our own insecurities and our own things, it is just like how I see things, it is 1,000% on me to work through my own triggers, my own insecurities. And I talk to you about them. I articulate them to you. But even in those moments of me being triggered, I've learned and I'm really trying to work on this actually. Like I tell myself, "Okay, the moment next moment you get triggered, you need to tell him, 'Hey, babe, you're triggering me.'" But again, this I I recognize and I don't want to say I shouldn't be triggered. I don't like the word should or shouldn't. Um I recognize this trigger does not serve me. And right now I'm working on overcoming this emotion and recognizing that when I get triggered by this, it doesn't serve me. Doesn't serve my goal. Doesn't serve me as a human. It doesn't serve the person I want to be. But I'm not there yet. So, even though, cuz sometimes, right, someone else from the other side doesn't understand. It's like, all anxiety. I don't understand why you get anxious about certain things. But you do. So for me to judge you isn't doesn't serve you right now. It actually probably makes you more anxious if I'm judging you that you're anxious. And the same with triggers is like I'm telling you, "Hey, these are my triggers, but this is something I'm working through and I just want you to give me grace in these moments, but that you see that I am working through them." I think that's important versus I'm doubling down with this is my trigger. You shouldn't do this. This is just how I am. I've told you about this. That doesn't work either. I think seeing that your partner is trying to work through it and being that support system versus just digging like that seeing the person dig their heels and say, "Well, you're just going to have to accept me for how I am and that's that." I don't think I'd be able to communicate with you if you double down like that on things. Mhm. I don't think anybody would. That's so insightful. I think most people do. And I think that's why so many people struggle. It's really freaking hard though to say in that moment, "Hey, I'm being triggered and I know that this trigger doesn't serve me, but you're still feeling the emotion." 100%. But in fact, how does it feel on your end? Is it How does it feel versus if I just was upset over something you're like, "What the just happened?" It's crazy-making. When And And I want to be very clear. I'm not saying you're crazy. Which you said the very first time you said this is crazy-making. I interpreted it as you saying I'm crazy and that was a whole discussion we then had Yeah. This about like, "Don't call me crazy." I'm like, "I didn't say crazy." There's a fascinating thing about language. So and and I used to say this thinking maybe it was apocryphal and then I had somebody actually confirm that this is true. There I forget what language it is, but there's a language where they don't have um a word for blue. And so they actually don't see certain shades of blue because they're cramming it into like aqua or green or whatever. And when you don't have the language for a concept, it's just not a concept. You push it into something else. And this idea of crazy making is a concept that I want to give to people to understand. It's like when stimulus and response become disconnected, it's crazy making. That that is like what I imagine being schizophrenic is like where you can't predict anymore the stimulus and response. In fact, that's not to derail on what schizophrenia really is. But there is just enough delay between your thought and your perception of the thought that you think it's somebody else talking to you. You don't recognize it as your own thought. And so stimulus and response become disconnected. That's what it feels like when one person is doing something that is crazy making where your reaction is disproportionate, which happens when you're getting triggered. Because what's going on is there's an insecurity at play which breaks the connection between the amplitude of the stimulus and the amplitude of the response. So when those two are divorced and you can say you've touched a trigger, I recognize that my amplitude of response has to do with something that happened in my childhood or whatever and isn't about this moment, but that nonetheless that doesn't diminish how I'm feeling right now. And hey, in this marriage relationship, I need your help. If you can avoid my triggers, if you can extend and give me more grace when I'm going through it, it stops being crazy making. Because now I'm like, "Okay, I completely understand now the amplitude of your response. And now one, because you've keyed me in you've communicated this to me, I can I feel good about being the fighter who doesn't need to rise to the occasion, who is like, 'Yo, in this moment and the roles are be reversed soon enough. But in this moment, I get to be the one that like helps you back, right? And by finding joy and beauty in that moment and not condescending, not telling them that they're crazy, but they gave you the keys, and that's like the really like the deep thing that I hope people take away is you and I have a phrase. The phrase we use because it's not triggering for either of us is everything is my fault. So, to give people other language is I'm always in control. So, I can always react differently and then get a different reaction from you. ownership as well, I'm thinking I'm hearing a lot of that. Amazing. So, I'm taking ownership for this. And by doing that, by saying, "Hey, this is a trigger. You don't have to solve for this. I'm working on it, but I'm not there yet. And so, this moment is is big and very emotionally disruptive for me." By the way, the way that I'm talking right now is exactly exactly verbatim how I would talk to you if I were triggered by something. And I would say, "Hey, look, I'm really feeling this thing. This is a really big deal for me." But I create that space where I'm not acting out, I'm not embodying what I'm feeling. And I create that space so I can articulate what I'm going through to sort of hand the baton to you to say, "Hey, if you can take leadership in this moment, don't sort of rise to my level, but understand that I'm actually going through something." And that's one of the best things about a high-functioning relationship is what you can accomplish as a pair is isn't 1 + 2, it's like 2 squared. I mean, it's really amazing. One may say it's like playing doubles in tennis. On the same team. On the same team. They may even say that. Dude, sharing this life with you is the greatest joy of my life. You are an extraordinary human. I think ev- every person on planet Earth would benefit from following you. Where can they [snorts] follow And I actually mean that. Where can they follow you? They can follow me at Lisa Bilyeu or go to lisabilyeu.com. I now have my own website. I feel so official. [laughter] It's amazing. They should go to lisabilyeu.com because you are writing a book right now and they get all kinds of behind the scenes stuff on that. I think that they will be very moved by the lead-up stuff that you'll be sharing. I think it's super incredible. Thanks, Amy. Thank you. I mean that. And to everybody watching at home, remember she isn't my favorite person because I'm married to her. I'm married to her because she's my favorite person. I've never met anybody more extraordinary than her. You guys know I'm only trying to bring you people that I think if you took their advice your life would be better for it. Trust me, you want to follow her. She puts out way better content than I do and I actually mean that. She is our chief content officer here at Impact Theory for a reason. She is extraordinarily good at this stuff. So, I highly encourage you guys to follow her and speaking of things that I highly encourage you to do, if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe to Relationship Theory on YouTube. We pour our heart and soul into that content and I think it's some of the best content that we make. And once you go and do that, be sure to come back here and subscribe to this. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care. This could be it, the placebo effect, even if I'm wrong, but this could be it. I'll try anything now. Acupuncture? Yep, let's do it. You want me to go on a vegan diet? Cool, I've got this. You want me to go to all, you know, artificial food? Sure. Like whatever it is that could potentially [music] help me, I go in thinking this is the answer.