The Secret to Making Habits Stick | Tom Bilyeu AMA

What is up everybody? Welcome to another episode of AMA Live. I'm your host Tom Bilyeu and I'm going to be taking your questions. And we're going to have a lot of fun together. It is the Friday of a holiday weekend, so I am super curious to see what kind of vibe we get today. Hopefully, it is all about a mixture of going hard and the things that you love. I know I'm thinking um about one simple thing. Making those two the same thing. So, hopefully you guys are embarking on that journey with me. Without further ado, I want to address the first question which is from Louie Christine. This is from the connect inbox. Hey Tom, I've been building my morning rituals and habits like exercising, eating healthy, reading, and I've been pretty successful at keeping at it for the first half of this year, but this month has been challenging, depressing, and frustrating. How do you follow through with these habits knowing that they are important on days that you have more things to prioritize and just don't feel like keeping at it? All right, this is exactly what I'm talking about in terms of making the things that you're doing in your life also the things that you love doing. So, putting at the core of where you spend your time something that you have a deep and lasting passion and interest in. Now, that doesn't mean that you're not going to have to do insanely hard things, but when your habits and routines start to suck, what you need to focus on is that thing that is giving you the energy. It's that thing that you love doing. It's that thing that made it important enough to build a habit around in the first place. So, what I mean by that is take working out for instance. Nine times out of 10, I just do it because it's a part of my routine. I go in, I work out, I don't enjoy it, but honestly, I'm not even thinking about that. So, I just go in, I do it, I get my workout in. When I'm having a hard time and I don't want to do it, then I focus on the thing that made me create the habit in the first place, which usually is around just being able to generate biological energy. I don't even mean psychological energy. I'm talking literal ATP energy, wanting to be able to perform at my best from a cognitive standpoint. And so, I'll focus on those things. I'll focus on that end result, the thing that I'm excited about. Or in the case of working out, maybe it's the aesthetics. So, you're looking at something that actually gets you excited. So, on the days where the habits suck, it's because you're losing touch with that thing that made them worthwhile in the first place. So, reconnect with that. Cycle through what the things are that you're doing it for. So, going back to the gym. So, I do the gym because I want to live forever, and that seems like a least reasonable strategy to give medical science time to catch up. I want to do it because of the actual strength, being strong. I want to do it because I want to look good. I want to do it because it is the cognitive optimization. And I want to do it because it's a hard thing, and it's important to do those hard things. And I want to do it to earn credibility with myself. Okay, so I've got like six reasons. And any one of them in any one day may not be the thing that's going to get me through. But when you focus on literally cycling through them until you get to the one that ah yeah, like right now that's actually giving me energy. And sometimes you may then have to really dig deep and figure out like your mission in life. So, if I'm really struggling to make it happen, and I think about the people that I'm trying to help with everything that I'm doing, then I think well, if I'm healthy, am I going to be able to better serve them? Yes, I am. If I'm cognitively optimized, am I going to be able to better serve them? Yes, I am. So, on those moments, if I'm really struggling to make it happen, then I'll go all the way down to just that grand mission in life, the thing that gives me the most energy in my life. So, find that thing. That is the key to making your habits stick. That's the key when you're just you don't want to do it, that you're going to lean on that. And then the one final note, as always, identity is the thing that gets me through in like just a real bind. I'm the type of person that. So, I've just to be the kind of person that I want to be, to feel the way about me that I want to feel, um I need to do the things that I said that I was going to do. And so, if I've said that I'm going to do that habit, that routine, that whatever, then because I'm the type of person that follows through with the things that I said I'm going to do, and I'm the type of person that has literally built these things into my life because they're meaningful and they lead me where I want to go, just to be consistent with my identity, I need to do that. All right. Next up is from Daniel Breeze, the ever engaging. This is from Facebook. "What do you recommend for a person who isn't fulfilled in their position to make sure that they don't get caught in a loop of negativity while searching for something else?" All right. This is all about mental management. I don't I read like not too long ago. Oh, I really want to remember who this is. I'm doing them a disservice because this really impacted me. And it was that when they wake up in the morning, one of the things that they do, and I think we may have already aired the episode of the person that said this, so hopefully one of you guys can chime in and remind me who said this. Um but they were saying that they'll set their their emotional intention. Like the thing that they want to feel by like putting on a song, by literally saying, "Okay, that that's what they said." Now, I'm saying what I found um going along with like picking a song or setting something like that, that I literally just remind myself, "Feel good. Be upbeat." I know how dumb that sounds, but it literally works. Like some part of you in um inside at a biological level knows the mechanisms, knows the neurochemistry to pump so you don't have to like think about what neurotransmitters you want to pump. You literally just remind yourself, "Feel good. Feel good." And I find it always changes my posture. So, I'm going to do something uh with my body. So, for those that are listening and not watching, I'm going to sit up taller. I'm going to put my shoulders back. I'm going to smile a little even if I'm all by myself. I put what I call a hint of a smile on my face. And in doing that, it is so weird how those physical hooks actually start to change your neurochemistry. And then, if I really need to or want to, just for fun, to have that energy, I will put on a song that really gets me in a fun place. If that song, which normally works, isn't working that day, I will skip and find another one. But, in just reminding yourself to feel that way, in making the demand of yourself from a playful, fun place that I can literally right now, in this moment, choose to exist in a state of happiness, of going through gratitude. All of those things will work to prime your mind to feel that stuff. Now, I think Lisa will be the first to say, "Recently, I've been working so much." And when I say that, you know, like literally it was in in in a phenomenal way. It was absurd. But, it was just like literally every conceivable time, nook and cranny was taken up with work. And it was just having this hardening effect on me, which is what I find happens. I get so engrossed in that, and it's so about grinding, grit, and perseverance, and all that, that playfulness begins to um just get crowded out. But, it is so easy to bring back without stopping what I'm doing, without stopping what I'm pursuing, but just remind myself to bring that energy back. And Lisa felt that change. She could see that I was accidentally hardening up, and I was losing that playfulness. And then, I just started reminding myself that I could set that intention, and I could bring that playfulness, I could bring that spark of joy back by doing those simple things that I just walked you through. So, if you're looking for some big transition, just on a daily basis reminding yourself to do that. And then having awareness around um the mental traps that you fall into. Whatever those are going to be, I don't think there are universal ones. Mine being hardening up. I just know that, I recognize that about myself. So, whatever yours is, um hearing people talk a lot about um like doing things, giving from a place of not expecting to receive. All right, if you do and you're giving and this was really true for me in the beginning when I started making this um switch was I was doing it, serving made me feel good, but I still had this expectation of a return. And it's super weird. You're doing this beautiful stuff for people, but at the core of your being is still this like sucking wound of a need to get something back. And you start finding that you have like this weird resentment and you're not even sure who it's about, but you because you're looking for like some return. Once you understand and again, this is just an example of what some people fall prey to. These happen to be ones that I've had to deal with. So, you find that like there's still this like expectation, this desire to get something back. And therefore, the um all the gratitude practice in the world isn't going to work, all the serving isn't going to work because you're doing it waiting for the echo, right? So, what I tell people is yes, that echo of building a beautiful community around you is almost certainly going to serve you and it's going to build amazing things in your life and you're going to meet somebody that's going to open a door and all that, but if you're doing it to get the door open, you're in real trouble. So, to um use one clear analogy. The echo of the shout is the thing that builds the community, but if you focus on the echo and fail to enjoy the shout, then you're going to be in real trouble. And the you're just never going to get what you you're never going to get the feeling of joy that you're you're for by doing all of that, because even gratitude, if the gratitude is meant to give you something, like you're doing it because you want that follow-on effect of oh, I'm feeling better, and all you're really thinking about is get me on the other side of this, I want to feel better, instead of actually being stoked on something that you have in your life. Like actually taking the time to be like, [ __ ] this is amazing. Whatever that is, somebody's smile, the breeze, having a window, having a roof over your head. I mean, all things that are super easy to take for granted, but if you really pour yourself into actually enjoying that little thing, you'll find then you actually get what you wanted, which is you start feeling better. But if you're just running through the motions to feel better, oddly enough, it doesn't work. Christopher DeBella, this is YouTube. Hey Tom, are you going to be at New York City Comic Con? It's funny how if you could have seen me in an fMRI machine when I saw NYCC, uh I I feel a warmth towards you already. Uh this year with the book, I'm so excited for it. Dude, thank you so much, and yes, we are going to have a massive presence there. Uh we just upgraded the size of our booth, uh which I'm very excited about because we're going to be um and we're going to be doing this soon, probably I'll say in the next 60 days for sure, maybe the next 45 days, we're going to be announcing um the celebrity that's involved with the book. Um I am so excited about this book. It is coming together well. This book is going to be absolute top tier um quality. I I It's really coming together. Uh so super amped up about that. Absolutely, we will be there. We will be there in a big way. Uh so come by, say what's up, and at New York City Comic Con, the celebrity is going to be there signing with the creative team. Uh it's being written by an Eisner award-winning writer uh named Jim Krueger, by the way. I guess that one's not secret. Um hopefully everybody knows that he's been working on it with us. And uh co-written by a guy named Phil Hester, who's done some amazing work in the past. Um and just so so so excited to be working with these guys. And then the artist, which we'll be revealing soon, insane. Insane. All right. Devin Sheram? Sheram. YouTube. Hey Tom, I'm curious how you determine what your top tasks are for any given day. This is a great question already. I have many different to-do items and it's hard to know what to prioritize. Okay. So, you've got to know what's my goal, where am I trying to get to? You're going to back into the daily tasks. Okay, so now if we know what we're looking at our daily tasks that are meant to feed into some longer-term goal, what we're looking for our lead dominoes. So, what are the things like if I do this, then it will have a knock-on effect. So, I'll give you an example. One lead domino for me is always to delegate. So, I'm always starting my day by thinking, what can I delegate? Because once I delegate something, then it starts moving on. So, on my list of important things, one of the sections is to delegate. So, doing that, that is it's a time multiplier. It's a force force multiplier. So, if I get that going, then now all of a sudden that project is running and it's essentially like I've just added man hours to my day. So, I'm going to start with those things. I'm going to make sure that everybody's moving and doing the things that they want. The next thing is, what is a roadblock and impediment to something that's important in my world? Generating revenue or building the community. Those are the two things that like I really think about. So, if I do this thing, will it generate revenue or will it make the community bigger? So, those are the two things that we have to do. Now, ultimately, the reason I don't give a [ __ ] and I care deeply about revenue is revenue is the juice, man. It is that is going to allow whatever you're doing to go on. So, making sure that you're thinking about things that are actually going to generate revenue for you. And then for us, the community is those are the people that we want to serve. They also give us a lot of power. So, thinking about them, but ultimately we won't be able to serve them for very long if we're not able to get the revenue coming in that we want. And even if we have revenue coming in and we're profitable, every bit more revenue that we get because we're filtering it back into the company, then we're just able to serve more and more people. So, I'm always looking at those two things. Now, uh let's see if I can really go even farther than that. I'm looking for things that God, I'm not even sure how to put words to this. So, let me walk you through what I was doing this morning. I started with the delegation. I got everybody moving, and then I went to um creating new products and thinking about what were the people that we needed to bring onto the team in order to expand in the directions that we wanted to expand. So, really when it comes down to it, all the things that I'm looking for are things that either are a concrete tangible step forward, or for me, given what my position is, I'm looking for things that force multiply my time. So, that's that is the the lead domino. Beyond that, I really have to go through and think through um the thing that is largely intuitive for me at this point. So, I've now run out of words that are very specific and actionable, so I'll leave it at that. All right, Patrick Rivera, Facebook. "Tom, how do I change co-workers' perception of me? {question mark} {exclamation mark} {question mark} {exclamation mark} I'm villainized for holding an employee that has such terrible work ethic accountable and giving them silent treatment as result." Okay, I need to read this question again. I'm villainized for holding an employee that has such terrible work ethic accountable and giving them silent treatment as a result. All right, so, um one, if you're giving if your version of holding them accountable is giving them the silent treatment, um that does not seem like an effective strategy. So, you need to read Ray Dalio's principles. So, Ray Dalio's principles for me are above reproach when they're done well, which is that you need to be able to say truth and hear truth. And if you are able to do both of those things in equal measure, meaning you're not trying to be cruel in saying what you think, but you're you're very clear, you're very constructive, you're letting people know if you see something that is not working well, that you're quick to say when something is working well, and that you're insanely receptive when somebody wants to point something out to you. And something that wasn't covered in the book, but I will say here, even if somebody is wielding that criticism towards you like a weapon, if you never push back, you thank them, you take it in, you ignore what isn't real, you ignore the part of it that's an attack, but you really take on board the part that is usable and is real criticism, you're going to earn that reputation over time. Now, my thing is we all earn our reputations. So, if you're being villainized, chances are maybe you had the right motive, maybe this person really does have terrible work ethic, but maybe you weren't compassionate, maybe you didn't just do it in a way that they were able to hear and take that feedback on constructively, maybe you were using it like a weapon. If you're saying that you were giving them the silent treatment, I can't tell if you were giving them Yeah, it looks like you were giving them the silent treatment. So, um that seems like a more um cruel strategy. Cruel's a little aggressive, but childish is very accurate. So, you have to be really careful. They're probably reacting to the way you did things instead of what you did. So, the way that you're going to change your perception is change your behavior. Now, there's always a lifetime. And this is where heroes are made and born. Boys and girls, listen to this. There is always a gap between when you start acting in a way that's in alignment with how you really want to be and the goals that you really want to achieve and what's getting you the real result that you want to get and when other people notice it. So, you're going to have to act the right way for quite some time, months and months and months before people are going to notice. And what happens, this is where people lose. They get frustrated and they say, "I've changed my behavior." They still aren't like opening up and like seeing that I've made a change. And so they give up before they've had the time for people to really stop and go, "Yeah, wow, they really aren't like that anymore." So, if you can survive that time and keep doing it cuz you really believe it's the right thing. And that to me is the key. Don't do it because oh, this is how I'm going to change the perception around me. Do it because you realize, oh [ __ ] like I didn't actually make mean to make them feel bad. I wasn't trying to beat them up or slap them around. It's not okay to have [ __ ] work ethic. Trust me when I say, I totally agree with that. But at the same time, learn from my mistakes. I've gone after people. I've gone at them hard. Hard. And that kind of stuff, 99 times out of 100, it's going to backfire on you. You want to go at people with compassion. You want to let them know what the standard is. You want to make it very clear what's acceptable and what's not acceptable. But man, before you can make it with a draw, you've got to make deposits. You've got to be supportive. You've got to meet people with compassion. You've got to understand. You've got to listen. You've got to really, really in your heart want to know why they're underperforming. And if you can really figure that out, really be compassionate about it, help them rise up to the standard. And if they don't rise up to the standard, then you can begin to and I don't know where your position is or how you're related to that person, but be in a position to um What I want to say is when you're in a position of leadership and you can obviously terminate that person, I have no beef with terminating people. But if you're not in that position, then you can at least establish what the um what the expectation should be of the group. And if you can motivate and inspire people to rise up to that, then you've really got something. And if you're unable to get people to be motivated to rise up, to play at your level, um and by the way, the way that you get people to want to play at your level is not to be like, "I'm the hardest worker here." You never say that. You just bury everybody in results every day, every day, every day. I don't think I ever once um It's tricky now that I'm on camera cuz I say this [ __ ] all the time, but like off camera, I'm not telling everybody I outwork you. I work harder than you. It's merely I set the stage. People see it. They can see how hard I'm working. So, if they see that and by the way, that you go and meet people and try to lift them up, um that's how you're ultimately going to flip people around. Robbie Humble, great last name. YouTube, "Hi Tom. I have I have bad habits like smoking weed and binge eating. I know you're probably going to say to stop smoking weed, but I find sticking to good habits extremely hard because they are boring." Okay, so there's a lot in this to unpack. So, first of all, thank you very much. You're saying something you you already expect me to push back on. You're still willing to talk about it. So, um in fact, as an example of just meeting somebody with compassion, here's the thing. I don't have a philosophical problem with weed. Um if you find that it slows you down and is making you less likely to pursue something, then I would say it's not serving you. Um but if you find that you're keeping it to times where it's play time for you, it's not time that you expect uh yourself to be working and you're not concerned about the long-term health consequences, which is really um what freaks me out, um then mad, go for it. I literally don't have a beef whatsoever um with that. So, it it just comes down to what are your goals and is it moving you towards or holding you back? Now, the thing that I really want to get into is um sticking with your good habits is extremely hard because they're boring. So, whenever something is boring, it's because somebody's pursuing something that they actually don't give a [ __ ] about and that's the problem. So, for instance, um eating healthy food all the time is isn't thrilling in the way that say eating a bag of Oreos is or black licorice, which is a personal favorite of mine, or fried food, which is truly my weakness. That stuff is fun, man. You want to talk about a dopamine cascade? I could take a random Tuesday and make it feel like a Saturday night just by deciding that I'm going to cheat on my diet. Now, I don't do that. Um I cheat maybe twice a year. So, it is when I say it is crazy rare. And yet, my life is full of things that thrill me. And I use that word on purpose. Now, when it comes back to is going back to the whole topic of today, habits and how you stick with them even when you're bored, even when it's not interesting anymore, long after it stopped being fun, the very secret to habits is caring about the thing that that habit is meant to lead to. But for real, like really what do you care about? And for instance, here is a life I pass no judgment on. Man, cuz if this is what you want and it like you love it and you're filled with fulfillment, it's amazing. Great. If you want to sit at home all day and you want to cut your life to the absolute quick financially so that you're living in um a tiny hovel with five other people, fine. And you're eating Tina's burritos. I don't even know if they still exist, but when I was way hardcore poor, they were awesome cuz it was three for 99 cents, which was amazing. So, I could live off of that and you're cool. You boil it down to nothing. You don't have a car, no insurance, nothing. And you accept that my life is going to be shorter than it would otherwise be and what I'm going to do is I'm going to smoke weed a lot and I'm going to eat bad food a lot. Man, respect. Like if you do it with your eyes wide open and you're loving it and you're having a great time, it just the only reason that you never hear me talk about that stuff is from my experience, from what I've seen of other people, the only thing that gives the human animal the the best feeling, which is to feel good about yourself when you're by yourself, is to do the hard things and to do things that bring fulfillment. And the things that bring fulfillment are often born of momentary suffering, but they allow you to get stronger in order to serve other people. That's it. That's just what I've seen. So, I don't think it's better than the alternative that I just described. It's just the only thing that I've seen really lead to that sense of like deep fulfillment. So, my thing about the the specific part about the good habits are hard to stick with because they're boring. Just you've got to attach habits to things you actually really and truly care about. No one can tell you what to care about. You can certainly build that into your life. You can take something that's an interest and build it into something you care deeply about, uh which I've talked endlessly about, so I won't go into it here, but that is very very possible. Associate your habits to that thing. Suddenly, the habits will be very easy. Um don't judge yourself. Live your life the way you want, um but respect the realities of neurochemistry. All right. Dr. Jack Callahan. Tom, I understand how to develop or cultivate a passion, but where should one look to find something to get passionate about? Is this an introspective journey or something more extrinsic? Okay, so it is actually, oddly enough, step one is not introspective. Step one is get out, play, get lost, have fun, try a lot of things, challenge every assumption that you have, get out of your age bracket, hang out with people way outside of how you grew up, a totally different circle. You will be utterly shocked. Utterly shocked by what ends up being of interest to you. Again, you're not going to stumble on some grand passion, but you're going to stumble on something that's interesting to you. Wow, never never even knew this existed. And yet I find myself interested, and I want to go down that path. But the only way to do that is to get outside this freakishly small bubble that you have. This is why a lot of people and I say that because all of us live in a freakishly small bubble. And this is the reason that people often tout travel as a way to really shake up their assumptions about the world, things they didn't even realize were assumptions, to go and see the way other people live and realize whoa, like they seem like they're having an amazing time and yet they do things so dramatically different than the way that I was raised for instance. So, getting out and even if you can't leave your house, the internet, the internet man. The internet will introduce you to the most eclectic eclectic people on the planet. So, if you can't afford to travel, get a device with an internet connection and just start searching random [ __ ] Follow random stuff and see where it leads and and this is one of the ways that I do my interview prep is when somebody mentions something and I don't know what it is, it sounds intriguing but there's no like links in what I'm doing, no for me to just easily go down that rabbit hole. I will stop, I will open up a new window and I will type that phrase in which I may not even know what it means and I'll start going down trying to figure out like, oh, what does this mean? Like, where does this lead? And it often times literally a random word in a single sentence that I looked up simply because I did not know what it meant and it will unfurl this entire universe of stuff that I had no idea. I will tell you a rabbit hole that I went down recently, you guys are going to be weirded out by this one. I'm researching someone else entirely but in the recommended videos, there is this guy with like a whole bunch of people around him, looks really thugish, tattoos on his face. He has a tattoo on his face that says 6ix9ine and then he's got this rainbow colored hair. I'd never heard of 6ix9ine. I was like, who the hell is that? I click on it just because it was weird. I click on it. I go into this whole world of this guy who's a hardcore rapper who's like caught up in all this weird beef but it was so interesting to see how this guy lives his life. And yeah, anyway, it was really fascinating this whole thing about letting your nuts drag, which I had never heard that colorful phrase before. And I lost myself in this rabbit hole of 6ix9ine, but then that led to like these other hip-hop artists and then like hip-hop artists, meaning they're doing art, but it's all urban culture. It was so cool. And it all started because I clicked on this weird image of this guy with this rainbow colored hair. So, following stuff like that, going down these weird rabbit holes, that's how you One, you like your world is going to be so vibrant. I I want to really physically freak out, and if cameras weren't with such shallow depth of field right now, I would be. Like guys, enrich your lives. Go down these weird rabbit holes. When a friend invites you to do something super weird, say yes. Go try it. That's how you're going to find this stuff. But it isn't It isn't turning inward. And I'm a huge believer, and I spend way more than 80% of my time inward, reflecting inward. But that isn't the first step. The first step is encountering. Then you can reflect. Jacob Holstein, YouTube. What should I do if my girlfriend is holding me back from working because she wants to have more time with me? I have lived through this. So, I will tell you right now, I'm going to make the assumption that you love this person, that you want to be connected to them, you want to invest. Do it. There is plenty of time to work. I'm all about it. I grind, all that. But man, when a weekend comes, I prioritize my wife. It doesn't mean that I'm not still working, but it does mean that in terms of hours spent, I flipped the ratio, and I start making sure time with my wife comes first. I'm fully engaged. I'm not on my phone. We're not talking about work. Like we are just going into this ecosystem of just her and I, and talking about things that are exciting, and figuring out where each person is, and sharing, and being open in physical contact. It just man, relationships are beautiful. And to miss out on that, to miss out on that connection, to miss out on a chance to really enjoy the pleasure of another human being is to me a missed opportunity. So, if not her, if you resent time with her, cuz you're just not that into her, like that's also okay, and you can move on to a different relationship. But being at the point in your life where you find somebody that you really want to invest in, and you really want to spend that time with them, that is a beautiful thing. And my life would have been less had I not met my wife. There's just no uncertain term about that. Now, for 6 and 1/2 years I ignored the [ __ ] out of my wife. I didn't take days off. I didn't go on vacation. And so, finally she pulled me aside and said, "Okay, this is now damaging our relationship." And so, I realized we just have to prioritize spending time together. Now, I have limits. During the week I spend virtually I'm with my wife physically all the time, but we don't spend any time together as husband and wife. So, to give you an idea this week I think my wife has two or three times come up behind me and like given me a hug while I'm like listening to a podcast or something and doing something else. So, if you're going to count that, but other than that literally from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed I'm either working or working out. Period. That's why on the weekend it is so important that I give her undivided attention aggressively. I'll stop there. Jason Saint-Germain, Facebook. I hit the gym religiously twice a day, 4:00 a.m. every morning, 5:00 p.m. every evening. I have completely disciplined myself to do this day in and day out. My question is, how do I do that with work? How can I channel that same energy into my career and furthering my career? Thanks. Jason, you just need to give a [ __ ] So, the The that you care about your physique, the way that you care about your strength, the way that you care about doing the hard things and showing up in the gym and all of that, you need to find something you care like that about that you can get a job doing. It is that simple. This all comes down to in your life, and maybe it is the gym, but in your life, there is something that will ignite that same passion in you, and you can get paid doing it. You may not ever get paid a king's ransom, but everybody everybody can make a living doing what they love. My dad was just telling me about this woman. She's like, I'm going to guess she's mid-60s, late-60s, maybe even early-70s. That's where my dad's at. And she just opened a quilting shop. I can't believe there's money to be made in a quilting shop. That literally seems insane to me. And yet, it's I guess one of the fastest growing hobbies. So, look, there whatever weird thing you're in. Have you guys ever heard of furries? This this changed my perception of humanity. There are people that like to dress up as like mascots, like big furry animals, and it's a sexual thing for them. And there are conventions for people for whom this is a very erotic thing. Okay. Now, let's all agree. If there are conventions for people that like to dress up essentially like a stuffed animal and it is erotic for them, whatever weird thing you're into, there is a group of people out there. And going to Kevin Kelly's notion of a thousand true fans, only takes a thousand true fans to build a community robust enough that you can make a living. That doesn't mean that you're going to make a hundred thousand dollars a year. It doesn't mean that you're going to be a millionaire. It just means you can make a living. But if you're making a living doing something that makes you feel like, dude, when you describe what you do in the gym, you sound like an alien to me. I cannot believe that you get that much out of the gym, but that's awesome that you get that and you love it. So, find that thing that you can get paid doing, which by by way, being a personal trainer or doing something in that world certainly is a very obvious answer. Um check out our boys at MindPump. If you guys don't know those guys, they're amazing. And they have done a great job of turning a love for fitness into a very robust career. Rachel Epps. This is YouTube. What was more powerful for you in Ray Dalio's Principles? The way you communicate with people effectively, the way you set principles for your life, or the way you can successfully build a team for life? Of those three things, because these aren't what I'll call the key takeaways that I took, of these three things, what was more powerful for me? The way you communicate with people effectively, the way you set principles for your life? Um the thing that was huge for me, that book to me was all all all about building teams. Um so, that's what I needed. Um so, that was the just the massively huge takeaway for me is And by the way, for me, the punchline to how to build a lifelong team is really about being able to speak truth and hear truth. Um so, that that's a big deal. Like building that foundation where you know you can trust people, you know that you know where you stand with them, that deep deep deep sense of unease that comes from being um handled or managed in the emotional sense, um you have to get rid of that, otherwise there's toxicity in the environment. So, that was that was game-changing for me, that shattered every paradigm I had. Um it it was it showed that I had a limitation of belief. I didn't think that you could scale that. Like it just never it actually never occurred to me that you could do that across a large organization. So, uh I am very very grateful to Ray Dalio. Yeah, that is a deep sense of gratitude. Okay, I don't know how to say this name. Three Rhino Media. Three Rhino Media. Look at that, Chase to the rescue, everybody. Three Rhino Media, YouTube. Uh Tom, can you You about Thinkitating? I'd love to learn about how I can incorporate it into my life. I love the concept, just don't know how to do it. Okay, so thinkitating goes like this. It starts with meditating and the point of meditating for me anyway is purely to get into an alpha wave state, which is calm and creative. So, my stress, my anxiety, they drop to nothing. I'm diaphragm breathing. I have my eyes closed. I'm sitting in a pretty traditional um meditative posture, legs crossed, um arms folded in my lap. Uh the only difference is I don't try to keep my spine super erect. I find that that's actually um uncomfortable and I can't take as deep a breath and maybe if I did it for, you know, a year or something, I would find that it was even more powerful. Um but because what I do is so effective for me that I just rock it out. So, um I sit there in that uber comfortable position on a couch. It is wonderful. Diaphragm breathe. I get pretty rapidly now into an alpha wave state and then once I'm there, I'll sit there for as long as it's pleasurable and then um and I'm trying not to think about anything. I'm literally cuz I listen to the sounds um on the app Calm. I listen to the sounds of nature and so I really try to like hear the wind blow or the um waves crashing or, you know, whatever. I'm really like just into that and I'm feeling the pleasure of each part of the breath cycle. Cool. I get there. Then I bring my laptop over and I just let my mind wander. So, whereas before I was really trying to focus in on um you know, the sounds and the feeling of the breath, you don't have to do anything to start your mind thinking. To get it to go in a direction, you need only give it an intention. So, whatever a big problem is that I'm facing in the business, um I will take that and I'll say, "Okay, that's the topic. That's the thing that I want to think about." And so as soon as I let my mind go and it starts going on problems, it starts naturally first going down that road. Now, often times it'll veer off and it'll branch into a thousand other directions. If those directions have to do with business or priorities or whatever, then I'll I'll just let it go. I'll let it branch. If it goes into something else that doesn't seem like it's going going me very much, then I will gently bring it back and I will reset it down the path of thinking about um whatever that problem or issue or thing is that I'm trying to do. Um and I just find that then I get lost in that rumination. It becomes like a full-blown daydream. I completely lose sight of where I'm at. Uh and by the way, I'm keeping my eyes closed for this unless I'm actively um typing. So, I'm still sitting there. Um usually by now I have to uncross my legs because they'll start to fall asleep. Um so, I'm I've uncrossed my legs. My laptop is on my lap, but I'm in usually a darkened environment. I still have my headphones on and I try to keep breathing in that diaphragm way. Um so, I'm staying in that alpha wave state and I'm just letting my thoughts go where they will unless they go completely afield and then I bring them back. And so, that's it. And the big difference between meditating and that is A, I let my thoughts go and then B, I take notes on my thoughts. Uh whereas I would never do that when I was meditating. So, that's synctating. Benji Ballich, Facebook. Hey Tom, I know you know a lot about reticular activating system. I would love to know your thoughts on how it comes into building better habits. Ooh, how does it come into building better habits? So, the reticular activating system is what makes you notice things. So, once you decide the easy one for everybody, if you buy a car and let's say it's a white Toyota. All of a sudden you see white Toyotas everywhere and you're like, "How did I not see those before?" So, that's the reticular activating system. It prioritizes what to pay attention to based on what's meaningful to you in your life at that moment. So, the way that the RAS would come into play here would be you're going to see other people that have the same habit, which may then draw you to and I'm definitely thinking of this off the cuff, would then draw you into um being around people like that. So, you're suddenly going to start noticing people. You're going to start speaking about it. You're going to see who responds and you're going to start um grouping up with like-minded people. That could be very, very beneficial. You're going to start seeing the results everywhere. So, I remember when I first started um eating right and learning about health and nutrition and exercising, suddenly I was seeing it everywhere. I would then notice those magazines um in the grocery store, which meant that then I wasn't going to them. I was picking them up, or I was buying them, reading them. Um you start identifying what kind of physique that you want to have, and so then you've got that inspiration when you're in the gym. And suddenly all of those elements of the world that you weren't thinking about, and thus you didn't have a habit around, you're not noticing. Now that you have a habit, now that you're focusing on it, you can leverage those elements to be the thing that you can visualize to refeed into your life. Um so without having ever really thought about that before, that seems like a pretty reasonable answer. All right. Bilal Hakari, YouTube. How do you move from knowledge to practice? I mean, I know I should do I know I should do You sound very British. Uh but I find it hard to switch to action. I feel like there is a huge gap between my knowledge and my action. Okay, so here's the reality. When you first start learning something, put it to use right then and there. When I learn something, I try to put it to use that day. So if I learn a new psychological principle, something about mindset or habit creation, or whatever it is that I'm researching, I try to use it that day. If I read something, like I'm reading The Gulag Archipelago right now, holy [ __ ] is it fascinating. And so I take my opportunities to talk about it. I bring it up to people. Anybody that I think might even be remotely interested, I will bring it up because then I can marinate it, and I can sit in the juices of that stuff. And that then reinforces it in my mind. Every now and then I will make my team sit through some diatribe where I'm like, "Look, I need to crystallize my thinking, so I need you guys to be here." Uh so I'm going to run through like I've been thinking a lot about the comic industry, why it is so dysfunctional, how to take it somewhere new, um hopefully expand, which by the way, part of the answer is they just can't be called the comics. Um so as much as that like resonates with me, people in the world have made a decision either read comics or they don't. Um so I'll float out my terrible idea, and then you guys give me good ideas. My terrible idea is paper movies. So, graphic novels don't work because it only works for once it's been collected. I need something for what they call floppies, a single issue. Um so, if we know we can't use graphic novels and we know comics it it just needs a rebrand. Um so, anyway, back to it. So, I tried to use that thing immediately in my life, putting it to use right away. Um that is knowing that I'm going to be clumsy, knowing that it's going to feel really awkward in the beginning. And I just accept that and I just know that if I don't take action steps right now, here in this moment, then I'm never going to do it. So, um I'm guessing part of what holds you back is either you don't care enough about what you're learning to want to put it in action. Cuz remember, I have this absolute sense of desperation to get more powerful. And to me, power is closing your eyes, imagining a world, a better world, the world that you want to bring into existence, then opening your eyes and having the skill set in order to actually make that a reality. So, that is so intoxicating to me, the notion that we can influence the world around us, that any scrap of information that I get that allows me to do more of that in the real world, I'm all for it. So, because I love it and I love being able to change the world around me, being able to affect people and touch lives, I want to put it to use. So, that's a huge part of it. And then I'm way unafraid to embarrass myself, look awkward, feel stupid. I know that that's all part of the growing process. So, you're going to have to get real comfortable with that stuff. Wassim Jabai? How can I focus on myself while others are ahead of me career and finance-wise? I have anxiety because I want a job that pays well like them. Okay, so, tattoo this on your soul, comparison is the thief of joy. This is one of those things as soon as I read it, I was like, "Oh my god, that's so true." Okay. I'm going to be a little bit gross for a minute, but only to give you something that's really true and like super vulnerable. So, spastically wealthy, uh massive Beverly Hills mansion, huge social following, and if I look at other people that have more money, a bigger house, a bigger following, I get that moment of like, "Oh, I suck." And I'm like, this is so ridiculous. Like, it's it is just a part of the human condition. Once you start comparing yourself to other people, there's always somebody bigger, better, faster, stronger. Always, always, always. Here's the hilarious part. That person is also feeling the same. So, you just you don't waste your time. It is this weird quirk of human evolution like to want to strive, but once you start comparing yourself to other people, it will take it away. So, celebrate, be excited for, and find pleasure in what you're doing. What are What are you doing? Like, right now. Right now, my doing is I'm sitting in front of a [ __ ] camera with two people on the team, and we are trying to give awesome answers that are going to help people. That is what I'm doing. So, I need to find pleasure in that, in this moment, sitting in this chair, answering these questions. I need to find a way to enjoy that. Otherwise, it's going to be a real problem. And then, make sure that you're building towards something that you really care about instead of comparing yourself to others, chasing them, chasing what they have. You just can't think of it like that. It's got to be about what you're trying to become. It's got to be about the people that you want to help. It's got to be about the things you're actually doing in that moment and finding the pleasure in that. So, yeah. Stop comparing yourself to other people. Stop worrying about how much other people make. Like, none of that matters. It's not going to help you. Think about who you want to become. The becoming should be something that is intensely pleasurable in and of itself. Even when it's hard, by the way, it's a pleasurable because that deep sense of fulfillment that you get, a feeling better about who you are, being proud of yourself. So, lean into all of that stuff. And no, you're going to have the temptation to compare yourself to other people. Stop yourself, bring yourself back to center, realize how ridiculous it is, and realize no matter what you get. Okay? Let's say that you decimate the people that you're comparing yourself to now, and you're making way more money than them. You'll just start comparing yourself to the next batch of people that are making more than you. And if you let that be corrosive, it's going to eat away at you. You Life will be full of misery. So, I'm telling you, comparison really is a thief of joy. That is not just like some clever thing that people repeat. It is the [ __ ] truth about the human condition. So, don't do that. As As my neighbor's dad used to tell me when I was a kid, if it hurts when you do that, don't do that. And on that, we're going to bid farewell. All right, guys, thank you so much for joining me. I really do love spending this time with you. I'm super grateful that you guys join in on this. Uh your questions are amazing. If you're listening to this on the podcast, please go leave a review. That would be just amazingly helpful. Um if it's bringing value, hit us with that five-star, give us a positive review. It does not have to be long, but those reviews really help. So, that would be amazing. Thank you guys so much. Have an amazing weekend. Take the time to not only bust your ass, but play. Have a good time, encounter new stuff, expand your horizons. And remember, if you want to make your habits stick, it's got to be something that you really care about. All right, guys, if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe. And until next time, my friends, be legendary. Take care. Yeah. Yeah.