The Psychology of Negotiation: Q&A with Barry Nalebuff and Daylian Cain
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The video features a Q&A session between Barry Nalebuff and Daylian Cain, co-instructors of the core negotiation course at Yale University, who introduce their new Coursera offering titled "The Psychology of Negotiation." While Nalebuff approaches the subject from an economist's perspective focused on problem-solving and expanding the pie, Cain brings a behavioral decision-making and sales-oriented viewpoint, drawing heavily on his expertise in poker to explain concepts like revealing versus hiding information. The course is designed to be shorter than their previous introductory material, featuring interactive AI bots for practice alongside optional human partner cases, with a specific aim to help learners understand how to figure out the motivations and priorities of the person sitting across from them.
A central theme of their discussion is the shift away from viewing negotiation as a win-lose battle or a defensive legal maneuver where anything said can be used against you, toward a collaborative approach that seeks to expand the pie before splitting it. They emphasize techniques such as finding elegant trades where one party values an item highly while the other finds it low-cost, and utilizing multiple equivalent simultaneous offers to help counterparts reveal their true preferences without feeling pressured. The instructors also address high-stakes scenarios by advising negotiators to step back from emotional involvement, take breaks to reset, and recognize that even experienced professionals often make blunders like splitting risks equally when one party is significantly better equipped to handle them.
The dialogue further explores practical tactics for dealing with difficult situations, such as anchoring bias, lying opponents, and unprepared counterparts. Cain suggests calling out lowball offers with humor or by asking the counterpart to restart the negotiation, noting that anchors fade quickly if not immediately accepted. Regarding dishonesty, they advocate for "truth enhancement" rather than lie detection, creating an environment where parties feel safe to be honest by agreeing upfront on fair processes and avoiding questions that force people into defensive lying positions. They also stress the importance of preparation, warning that unprepared opponents are often the most challenging because their lack of knowledge creates unnecessary fear and suspicion, whereas sharing information like spreadsheets can build trust and eliminate surprises.
Finally, the conversation touches on cultural nuances and the long-term implications of negotiation strategies, asserting that while specific customs vary, the universal desire for fairness and efficient deals transcends borders. Cain shares a personal anecdote about negotiating with his daughter to join a math team in exchange for getting a dog, illustrating the need to consider the long-term contract terms rather than just immediate gains, as he inadvertently signed her up for one year of the team but thirteen years of dog ownership. The session concludes with both instructors encouraging learners to engage deeply with the material, noting that their course is accessible and valuable for people of all ages, ultimately reinforcing the idea that successful negotiation relies on preparation, empathy, and a mindset focused on mutual growth rather than conflict.
Read the full video transcript
Hi there, greetings. Today I'm here to
introduce a colleague and friend of mine
who has a new course on Corsera. This is
my friend Dalian Kaine and his new
course is called the psychology of
negotiation. It's up, it's live, it's
fabulous. Dale and I have been teaching
here at Yale together for over a decade.
We co-design the core negotiation course
and so our thoughts uh it's what is it
the bulkan mindset
>> and we agree on everything
>> pretty much my course
>> oh I guess we disagree about that
[laughter]
>> my course is
more of a economist perspective and Dian
comes with the salesperson perspective
the psychology perspective the
behavioral decisionmaking perspective I
should warn you that he is a world's
expert in poker. So, uh his moniker
there is raising cane. So, be warned if
you ever end up playing him in poker.
>> Well, sometimes I don't I don't practice
what I preach. I know I know the game.
Uh but I often never fold and then I'm
the biggest loser in my own home game.
So, uh you're going to you're going to
win just fine. Don't worry.
>> So, Dian, help the learners understand
how your course is different from intro
to negotiation. Um well I mean we you
and I co-e uh we often complete our own
sentences each other's sentences in
class so we agree my course is it's
short that's one thing
>> I don't know how sweet it is but it is
short it's less than nine hours I would
say uh four modules each one has an AI
bot that you can practice a case with so
that's kind of fun there's also a case
you can do with a human partner it's
optional if you want to do it do it with
a buddy I think my course would resonate
more with salespeople because it has you
don't have to be interested in sales,
but it does have a it has a sales bent.
It's how to figure people out. How to
figure out the person sitting across
from you. So, there's a lot of that.
It's what card, you know, to use the
poker analogy, it's what cards do you
show, what cards do you do you hide
versus reveal? And uh people often get
that wrong. So, I go into depth there.
>> A lot of people think negotiation is
like being read your Miranda rights.
Anything you ca anything you say can and
will be used against you.
>> Probably will be. Yeah.
>> But in fact, if you don't reveal what it
is that you want, then it's hard for the
other side to give you what you want
because they don't know it.
>> Yeah. I mean, you and your books and you
are like the seinal person on
negotiation as a problem-solving
exercise and it's and people often think
it's a win-lose battle. Uh they don't
see it. It's partially win-lose. I mean,
you you would agree there are some
issues where it's a fight, but let's
expand the pie before we fight and and
and maybe even better, let's expand the
pie before we split it.
>> So, I think what Dalian is going to help
you understand is how to best grow the
pie. And there's two ways to do that
that he emphasizes. One is finding
elegant trades. What's super valuable to
you and not so costly to me. also of
course what's super valuable to me and
not that costly to you. And then the
second is trying to find win-win
opportunities
>> common ground.
>> And so with that, as a bonus for the
folks who have listened this far,
>> let's uh take a hat.
>> We've got some questions from learners
about course. So let's see.
>> And we do not know what they are. How
can you tell if something small for you
like timing details or a specific asset
is actually really important to the
other side in a negotiation?
>> Well, that's interesting. So, I often
tell students never ask or offer
anything until you know how they feel
about everything. In other words, I
think what's interesting about that
question is if something's small to me
but important to you, I might not want
to give it away. Uh, and
>> you do want to give it away. You just
want to I don't want to give it away.
you want to be. I want to sell it. Uh,
right. And and so the question is, well,
how do you really know the value of it?
And I'm not going to propose any trade
until I know what he wants, why, in what
order. Let's focus on the order. I
should know if there's nine issues,
what's top three, middle three, bottom
three for you. So, I already done my
homework and asked him whether these
things that are important to me are
important to you. To me the key lesson
is just because it's small to you
doesn't mean that it's going to be small
to the other side and so by asking
what's more important and there's also I
think Den will talk about the XYZ
>> yeah technique we'll talk about that
later
>> offering them choices of things that are
comparable and you'll discover that this
feature which is small to you could end
up being quite important to them. Yeah,
in the course we talk about something
called multiple equivalent simultaneous
offers and that's what Barry's referring
to. Yeah.
>> Where do you get that great shirt? That
wasn't the class. Okay.
>> Linen.
>> How do we apply these techniques in high
stakes scenarios?
>> Oh, gee, you should be answering that.
>> I would say that we practice in low and
medium stake scenarios so that we're
better at it. Uh Herb Cohen has said,
and I agree with that, you're the worst
negotiator when you care too much, that
it's about things that are really
important to you. Uh and so you want to
be able to step away from yourself in
this and take a more objective third
party perspective. and having some tools
that you can rely on will help bring
down the emotional temperature when the
stakes really matter. I've been
surprised when I talk to people doing
big deals that they're making some of
the same even worse blunders of the
they're doing some of the same mistakes.
And in module one, I won't give you away
the story now, but I talk about trees in
the desert about time when I was in the
Middle East talking to a super
billionaire about a merger and he made a
fundamental error that I talk about in
the story of the tree.
>> You sure you can't tell us what the
error was?
>> Uh, sure. They were doing a merger or a
special acquisition with risk sharing.
>> Yeah.
>> And they were happy to tell me that they
split the risk 50/50. And they said,
"Isn't that great?"
>> And the answer is no because one of them
was probably a lot better at handling
that risk than the other.
>> Actually, yes. And it turns out that it
was a a regulatory risk, which means
that you go to zero. Now, who should
take a regulatory risk? A multi-billion
dollar firm or a multi-million dollar
firm? There's a right answer here.
>> Yes.
>> And so it's interesting that even
billionaires get some of this wrong.
>> How do you not let your individual
personality get in the way of what
you're trying to accomplish?
>> Wow. It's a big one. I mean, that's it
depends on the
>> And I'm putting that on you because
you're the psychologist.
>> Yeah. I think that depends on the
personality error. I I'll say this. It's
not a very sexy answer, but one of the
biggest coralates to success in my
class, uh, you get rated on personality
scales, how other people perceive you.
And one of the best predictors of how
well you'll do is how other people
perceive you as prepared, which is
probably correlated to how prepared you
actually are. And in the prep sheet I
provide in the course, a lot of the
things are like I have my own foibless
and things that I constantly will mess
up. And the preparation sheet is how I
can just prepare for that. In other
words, the battle is won days before,
you know, the the war is won days before
the battle begins. So this is the more
you wing it, the more your personality
flaws
are going to manifest and therefore by
being prepared you can have uh more
logic. And
uh
>> ma'am, before you go to the next one,
let me say I can be quick here. I'll say
something is very important, but I'm not
able to teach my students to do it.
>> I I can't get them to take breaks during
the negotiation.
>> Yep.
>> And I think and it's harder these days
cuz people don't smoke.
>> They don't smoke. No, that's He's not
kidding. Smoke breaks were a great
excuse to literally go to the balcony.
Uh a famous negotiation phrase. And so I
often tell students, uh, you're not
going to be your best self when you're
in there, you're fighting, you're
stressed, they're you're wondering if
they're lying to you or not, you're
confused, and the the remedy is not
rocket science. Like, just get out of
the room and take a break. Sounds sounds
like bad advice, but no, trust me, you
got to do it. Try it.
>> And it's simple.
>> It's simple.
>> Okay. Uh, let's take a break right now.
No, just kidding.
>> Actually, we could I got to come up with
better answers. How do experienced
negotiators avoid anchoring bias when
the first price or offer is introduced
early in a negotiation?
>> Uh, that's pretty easy. Taking a it's
it's really hard to avoid. So, Anchor,
if he if I'm trying to sell him this hat
and he says uh daily and I give you
eight bucks for it, uh, it's worth a lot
more than that. And rather than stay in
there, sometimes I should just walk
away. Get him to start again. Don't
respond to his low offer, but just
remake make him reoffer. But also again,
I can be brief here. Walk away. Take a
break. Uh anchors fade after a few
seconds. Uh they don't last forever.
>> I think it's a good idea to call out the
technique. And
>> like nice low ball, Barry. Good low
ball. I appreciate that. Uh, I I've read
that book, too. Uh, the other is to use
humor. So, it's a little bit of, "Oh,
great. Where do I sign?" Uh, and then
they're like all excited. Yes, great.
And it's like, oh, just kidding. Uh,
look, if we want to have a serious
negotiation, I'd like you to start with
a a serious number because that's just
not in the realm.
>> That is a real example from your life. I
I know the story.
>> It is indeed. [laughter]
And let me add, I'd say the other uh
point is when the person says they've
moved a lot because they uh and you
should be reciprocal on how much you're
moving. I think you have to call them
out on the fact that look, you don't get
any points and uh coming from $8 up to
50 because the $8 was a ridiculous
number. And so
>> yeah, they want to split the difference
between reasonable where you're at and
crazy where they're at and meeting them
in the middle is h crazy. And so they're
looking for reciprocity and the answer
is uh I could get $4 hat tomorrow on
eBay and so I'm only going to count
numbers from 40 up, not from eight up in
terms of how far you move. How do you
deal with a lying opponent both mentally
and tactically?
>> You know, I'm just going to say take my
course because we talk a lot about this
and we've got lots of tools. I'll give
you a bunch of high flutin names,
multiple equivalent simultaneous offers,
post settlement settlements, contingent
contracts.
Look, I grew up negotiating with some
pretty mean people. Uh, not my parents.
My parents were nice, but I grew up uh
negotiating with some foster brothers,
and I I grew up thinking about how do
you negotiate with people who aren't
trying to be fair and don't haven't read
the book. And so, there's a lot of this
in the course. Um,
the other thing is whenever I'm
uncomfortable or I worry that you're
lying to me, I I have a hard time
calling someone a liar. It's kind of
innocent before proven guilty.
>> You figured it out.
>> If Well, if I figured that out for sure,
I'm out.
>> So, you're just going to walk away if
the other person's lying?
>> I guess it depends how much pie I'm
getting, right? Because, you know, can I
put up with a lie? I think one of the
things you should be prepared. You
should be prepared to deal with a jerk
sometimes. And sometimes the mistake
that people have is if you lie, if
someone's lying to me, to a student, the
mistake the student will make is they'll
walk away, burn the deal because they're
a jerk. Yeah, you just walked away from
$300,000. Though,
>> a classic lie would be, "I can't pay any
more than $200." And next thing you
know, they're offering you $220. So,
wait a second. You just told me you
can't pay more than 200, and now
apparently you're doing that. So
>> yeah. So there I would notice it. I I
often don't call them out on it. Um if
it's if I don't call people out on BS,
but I do note when people are lying to
me and I would take a break. Um but in
the course we're going to tell you
techniques, not they're not lie
detection techniques because there's I
can't I can't teach you X-ray vision,
but they're more uh truth enhancement
techniques. how to make him more
comfortable to tell you the truth, but
what he really wants, why, in what
order.
>> I'll also encourage people not to lie.
It's so easy. So, if somebody asks you
what's the most you're willing to pay
for this, you can say, "Look,
I don't feel comfortable answering that
question for the same reason why I don't
think you're going to tell me what the
least amount you're willing to sell this
for is."
>> Yeah, I I can give a quick preview. For
example, if I offer Barry two packages,
package A and B, and they're worth the
same to me, they're they have one has a
different salary or a different
location, their package deals,
>> two equivalent packages, two equivalent
perspective from my perspective, and I
can say, which do you like the most or
which do you hate the least? You don't
have to accept either one. I might have
to improve them, but where do you want
to get the conversation started? It's it
I'm not just saying, "Hey, Barry, which
do you like, A or B?" It's I'm
indifferent between the two. And so if
you like A but point me towards B, who
is he hurting? He's hurting himself. And
as long as he understands
[clears throat]
both of us because you're making it
harder for us to do is shrinking now.
>> And so so if he understands that it's in
both of our interests, good point to
that you elicit the truth. Uh that
that's not not a lie detection
technique, but a great truthpromoting
technique. Basically, it's really hard
for you to give me what it is that I
want if I lie to you about what it is
that I want because then we can't do a
good job problem solving.
>> And I think often I mean some people
just lie all the time, but I think if
they're lying to you, you may have
failed to set the tone of the
conversation that there is we're going
to fight, but that's not what we're
doing now. We're going to fight
tomorrow, but right now we're just
trying to figure out what the pie is. If
we've agreed up front to split the pie,
then actually we've solved that fight
and now we can spend all of our efforts
on trying to grow the pie.
>> Yeah. And so I think if you if you
negotiate the process where we're going
to have uh an easy get to know you
conversation in the beginning, they'll
have less incentive to lie because
they'll understand that your questions
are light easy get to know you type. So
try also not to ask people questions
where you have put them in a position
where they'll want to lie about the
answer.
>> And this is part of preparation. You
have you have a hundred questions to ask
them. Don't ask them what their budget
is in the in the first minute. They
don't want to tell you. They're going to
lie. Don't ask it.
>> What if your counterpart has not done
their homework and thus might not
correctly value aspects of the proposed
deal?
often uh in what I see in the class is
the most difficult opponents are the
unprepared ones.
>> Yes. Let's not call them opponents by
the way. Let's call them negotiating
partners.
>> So that actually this is one place where
you and I disagree a little because I
think at heart we we agree. I think you
can play fair with opponents as well.
>> Okay. But putting using the word
opponent is putting me in the mindset
already of win lose. It's interesting
that that's the psychologist should I
should be saying this uh because
psychology is all about how you frame
it.
>> I want to be thinking about how we can
grow the pie together and if I'm calling
you my opponent then it's putting me in
a mindset which is not one of growth. Uh
so I'd say if they're not prepared
>> that's unfortunate but I can actually
help them prepare. And in particular,
people often don't want to show their
spreadsheets to the other side. But
those are cases where I think it's going
to be even more important to help them
understand why this offer is good for
them, why you're not trying to take
advantage of them. Because if they're
unprepared, they're going to be really
extra worried about this deal going to
be uh there's some trick, something
hidden up your sleeve. And so one of the
things that uh I thought was great about
the NBA when I worked with them is that
we give all of our numbers to the the
players. So there's no surprises in
terms of what the profits are of each
team, what the revenues are of each
team.
And essentially uh you're always going
to be a situation where one party has
more knowledge than the other. And if
you're not trying to take advantage of
that knowledge, then share it so that
the other side can feel comfortable.
>> Yeah, I agree. I think that one of the
places that people are most likely to be
unprepared, both you and them, is
putting a value on the intangibles,
number one, and also the having a good
preference ordering. In other words, you
know that there's nine things and you
know what you want and why, but do you
know in what order? Do you know what's
number seven, what's number three,
what's number four? And so that
technique of do you prefer this or that?
Help me order your preferences along
with you is a great way of getting them
organized.
>> And let me flip this question
>> because what if you're the party who's
less prepared in the negotiation?
>> Why are we here then?
>> You know, I mean, it happens.
>> And so the question is, what do you do
then? And I think the answer is you ask
the other side for their help. and uh I
was involved in negotiating the terms of
the airport uh lease in New Haven at
tweet and I'm negotiating with an
investment bank who's done this 20
times, 50 times. You know how many times
I had done this before? Zero. And so
there was just no way I was ever going
to be as prepared as they were for this
negotiation. And so I asked them,
"Please show me your spreadsheet because
essentially, one, I don't have six
months to do this. Two, even if I did it
for 6 months, I wouldn't know as much as
you. And so if you want to persuade me
that this is a reasonable deal, then you
got to walk me through the numbers
because I'm supposed to recommend this
to the mayor and right now I don't have
the confidence to do it. And so you have
to help me help you." This reminds me
when I was negotiating I was going to
say against with with the dean uh the
dean of Yale at the time Joel Podoni.
One of the things I said is look I teach
negotiations but I have never negotiated
a professor contract and you do this all
the time. What are some of the things I
should ask for that are valuable to one
side cheap to the other that I don't
even know enough to ask? And he said he
says I'm not giving you the keys to the
kingdom. And I was like that's not what
I mean. I just I just want the king key
to my office, please.
>> I just I just want to know where to sign
up for parking. And he said, "Well,
there's not parking is not a problem."
I'm like, "Well, that's what I mean. I I
don't want your parking spot or a
special parking spot. Just show me what
should I be asking for that's valuable
to me and easy for you." He did give me
something. Made me keep it secret.
>> He I think it was perhaps
>> He knows what it is.
>> Perhaps it was something for your home
office.
>> He does know what it is.
How do you find your zopa? So your zopa
is your zone of potential agreements.
>> I don't know how much in your course
uh you talk about when the pie is
uncertain, what are some techniques you
want to take that first?
>> Well, there's two parts of the zopa.
>> Uh how low are you willing to go? How
high are they willing to go? And so you
should work hard to figure out what your
actual reservation number is, what your
walkway number is.
And then uh you need to work on that
with the other side. I would say getting
people to reveal those numbers is going
to be a whole lot easier if you first
agree that you're going to split the pie
because that's guaranteeing you're going
to the middle of the ZOPA. And so I'm
not going to get stuck at one end or the
other. You know, I could say a lot about
this and I do in the course, how to
figure their preferences out and the
value proposition, but I just want to
since I'm sitting next to Barry, one of
the most profound things, insights I've
had on this question, I learned
completely from you. This the the idea
of splitting the pie. It's not just some
mathematical thing. Let me give you an
example. If if you have if you have a
370k budget for some pizza store and
they're they're they're demanding 369 or
370. If all you're trying to do is beat
your reservation price, I guess you
could make the deal. And you know like
let's let's say at 369 you know your
gains a,000 and a lot of students say
why shouldn't I take that deal? It's
worth it. Now here's the thing. Do you
know what the pie is? No. But here's
what you do know. You're not getting
much if any of it. There's almost
nothing you risk by walking your way.
>> And you'll discover that the other side
is pretty keen to have you not walk
away.
>> So if I pay 369, it must be because I
think your other offer is 368. Now if
you trick me, I guess, but I just asked
my students, do you think the other
side's getting more pie than you? And
it's surprising. They don't say, I don't
know. What they say is, yeah, I think I
got beat, but a crumb is better than
nothing. And and this is what Barry's
course is world class at teaching you.
It's a super important insight. You
don't have to know. Even if you don't
know what the pie is, you know when
you're not getting any of it. And if you
don't know what the pie is, don't shake
their hand.
>> How do you systematically
lead the negotiation? I would say, why
is it I'm trying to lead the
negotiation?
>> Yeah, that's uh why am I also not
following that is
>> that's a partnership, right?
>> Exactly. And so, uh, you know, there's
the old question, should I talk more or
listen more?
>> Okay, you've connected it for me. Yeah.
Go ahead.
>> And my view is that you should talk as
much as you listen because if you're not
sharing, then they're not learning. And
so, uh, I guess I want to co-lead the
negotiation.
I don't necessarily want to follow
everything they're doing, but I also
don't want them to be always following
me because probably means I'm not
learning enough about them.
>> You made me realize the wisdom of the
question. Let me say something on it. If
I have a lot of questions for him and I
notice that he's uncomfortable, you
don't, you know, you just notice that
they're uncomfortable. Like, why are you
selling your business, Barry? And he's
kind of like, I'm not telling you that.
You can lead by answering your own
question. like here's I don't mean to
get up in your business but it's
literally about to become my business. I
hope you're not going across the street
to compete against me. I hope there's
not a leak
>> giving some multiple choice answers.
>> Yeah. Like there's not a leak in the
there's not a leak in the furnace is
there. But but here's why I'm here. And
so you can reciprocate because
>> you can even pre-recate.
>> Yeah. Exactly. And so I think I think
leading the Q&A process is something I
talk a lot about. I hadn't framed it as
leading but I talk a lot about that in
the course. How can I avoid being so
obvious about what I want to achieve so
the other side doesn't notice? Let me
>> think we had a version of this question.
>> Let me read this again because my
empasis was wrong.
>> How can I avoid being so obvious about
what I want to achieve? Still can't get
it right. How can I be
>> How can I hide what I want?
>> How can I be so obvious about reading
this question?
>> You can't. The question is so
antithetical to what Barry teaches, he
can't brain. He can't brain it.
>> How can I avoid being so obvious about
what I want to achieve so the other side
doesn't notice?
>> Yeah. I mean, I I want to be obvious.
>> Exactly. I think the question is
backward which is if the other side
doesn't completely understand what I
want to achieve then uh I think the line
from what is it uh Luke uh I think we
have a failure to communicate here uh
cool hand Luke uh so
don't worry about being obvious about
what you want to achieve I think most
people have trouble the other way which
at the end of the day the other side
doesn't know what it is you want to
achieve
Cultural differences in negotiation.
>> Oh, big one.
>> In a diverse cultural environment,
trying to build a relationship could
seem invasive. Maybe just seeing what
kind of negotiation fits most cultures
and what could be no goes in other ones.
Okay, so this is such a big question and
it's the most popular that I've talked
to Yale and my producer sitting over
there that the if I did such a short
course that if I do part two, I've got a
whole module planned on cultural
differences. Um,
so much of what I'm teaching is so honed
into the individual anyway. I want to
find out what Barry wants, why in what
order that I'm going to pick up a lot.
Like you don't want to treat culture as
I think it's oversimplification to say
Chinese culture like is is it a a an
older Chinese person, a younger someone
from the city, someone from the
countryside, someone who works in the
factory or someone who owns it and so so
you don't want to put too much emphasis
on generalized culture, but you also
don't want to put too little. I
certainly when I'm on a plane to another
country, I'm reading the books. Uh
there's a there's a series of books uh
kiss bow shake hands. So it's like kiss
bow shake hands Saudi Arabia kiss bow
shake hands China. Um and so I'm trying
to remind myself about for example how
much there are cultural differences on
openness
uh to questions and all of this but
mostly nobody wants to answer all your
questions unless you have good rapport
in a relationship. But everybody wants
to make an elegant trade and expand the
pie. And so how you do it will change
from culture to culture, but the main
things we're teaching are universal.
>> And let me add, I've never met a culture
where people want to be treated
unfairly.
So we have this video from Frs about
capuchans where one gets
>> all the grapes.
>> One gets grapes, one gets cucumbers. the
one who gets cucumbers just throws it
away because he sees the other one
getting grapes. And so I've literally
not seen anyone who says yes, in our
culture we want to get less than half
the pie. And so this notion of treating
the other side and yourself fairly, I
think is something that goes across all
cultures. and my course about how to
find elegant trades and not leave pie on
the table or make efficient deals, you
know, not wasting what you value, that's
that's universal. But how you do it, uh,
that takes an art and, uh, it's it's
something I want to speak to in part two
if they if if they give me one. But
first, you want to go through part one.
How would you handle a new round of
negotiations with a longtime client who
constantly complains and pushes for
discounts even though the market doesn't
support it?
>> You want to take that one, Barry?
>> No, I don't.
>> All right. So,
>> this is we get a lot of versions of this
from people who are they're like, I I
get a client or a supplier who knows I'm
going to say yes and nickels and dimes
me. What should I do? And often
often the answer is you give it to them
but you take note and they need to give
something back to you next time. It's a
give and take. Uh you have to understand
the what your options are if you say no
to this but also what their options are.
Uh I think you should label this. So we
we talked earlier about should you like
call people out on the lie? Sometimes,
maybe not, but I often call people out
on this.
>> Right. So, this is there's a video in my
course with Herb Cohen where somebody uh
you're doing this the salesperson for
the suit and they've got you all pinned
and they're ready to go for it. Uh and
then the customer says, "And I expect
you to throw in the tie." Uh and Herb
says, "Oh, that's a really good nibble."
Uh
>> good nibble.
>> The nibble. And [laughter] so, basically
calling out the strategy and having some
fun with it. uh is a good example. The
other question, of course, is are there
nibbles you can get back? And so you
want me to do this? Fine. Here are some
little things you can do for me. Turn it
from a beg or a demand into a trade and
give it to them, but get something back
in return. But you don't have to like
punch them back. You should trade with
them in a way that they are happy and
what they have to do in return is easy
for them, valuable to you. That's what
you're looking for.
>> Yep.
>> Our
kind and yet
taskmaster Matt
>> is telling us off camera
>> that we have time for one more question.
>> And here we go. What deal?
>> He said we are done and Barry said one
more
>> and nibble and nibble.
>> What deal have you got wrong and what
was the lesson learned?
>> Oh, that's interesting. I'd like you to
answer that as well. I'd be curious. My
greatest negotiation successes at Yale.
So, some context. I am not a big shot
here. There's Corsera courses from Barry
Nailbuff, from Bob Schiller. These are
the power players of the university. I'm
not one of them. And I have Well, yeah,
I I yeah likes me, but but I'm not I'm
not a Nobel Prize winner or something.
But anyway, I have had great success
negotiating with Yale with one technique
and I know the question was about
failure and I'll get to it. My greatest
successes have come from meetings before
meetings talking to people like Barry,
Jim Baron, uh, whoever about what they
think of the meet the meeting the
negotiations next week. What do the big
power players think about the issues and
figure things out ahead of time? But let
me just cut to the failures. I I have
one particular in mind, but it my
greatest organizational failures in
regards to negotiating here have been me
not doing that. Me not going to the
power players and saying
no one was enemies, but there was there
were some views of who's on what side
and are there opponents. I don't want to
get into the Yale politics of it all,
but that that that is my most salient
failure is not going to those people a
week ahead of time and knocking on their
door. Now, let me turn to a teaching
point. If you do have meetings before
the meetings, one mistake that
executives often have, if you have a big
board meeting coming up in two weeks,
you'll talk to some senior vice
president first two weeks ago, don't
forget that every many other people are
smart enough to have these meetings and
may have changed her mind. In other
words, check back in to the key players
because two weeks may be old news. I
don't want to get into personal failures
too much, but there's a hint. I I I that
was a big failure for me.
>> Well, I'm sorry. I I haven't yet figured
out what you learned from your failures
here, Dia.
>> To have more meetings before meetings
and talk to the people on the fifth
floor uh before the meeting a little bit
more.
>> So, they say you learn more from your
failures than your successes. And I've
tried in my life to stay blissfully
ignorant as a result. uh uh and I I
think in the course uh it'll I wouldn't
say it's my biggest failure, but it's
certainly one uh that's amusing, which
is in my negotiation with my daughter uh
to get her to join the math team in high
school. uh we
>> the one who wrote the book
>> the one who wrote the book we uh
successfully uh concluded the deal which
was uh rather than saying no we got her
to the yes if and the yes if was I'll
join the math team if we get a dog uh
and uh we got the dog she joined the
math team but my mistake was I didn't
write a multi-year contract [laughter]
we got one year of the math team one
week and 13 years of the dog. Now, it
was a great dog. It's interesting.
>> But I'm pretty sure I could have gotten
more than one year.
>> If you want the dog to be fed, you have
to be on a math team. So,
>> I I don't think so. I think it wasn't
credible.
Good.
>> The dog was going to go away. So, I
would say uh think about the long-term
aspects of the contract, not just the
immediate successes. So, hopefully you
had a chance to get to know Dalen a
little bit. Uh me perhaps too in the
process. Uh, I look forward to
working with you in terms of
introduction to negotiation and having
you share the insights of my good friend
and colleague Daly and Kate.
>> I'm telling you, people love this
course. It's been out for a few weeks.
Matt and the team did an amazing job and
I had 10 TAs working on it and one in
particular just told me everything that
sucked about the beta version and I
worked so hard in the last two months
getting it from sucking to I thought it
was pretty good. It students love it.
I'm telling you you take your grandkids
should take it. Your grandparents should
take it. Takes nine hours. I I think
you're going to love