Video summary
The core message of this video is that our present reality is not dictated by our current discipline or circumstances, but rather by the past experiences we unconsciously replay. Modern neuroscience suggests that the brain functions as a prediction machine, constantly using historical data to guess what will happen next. When someone betrays us or hurts us in the past, our brain does not simply file this away as history; instead, it treats it as evidence for future predictions. Consequently, when we interact with people today, we are often reacting to a model built from old trauma rather than the actual person standing in front of us. If we do not learn to break this cycle, we spend our lives recreating the past patterns we desperately try to escape, effectively allowing our history to steer our future ship like the wake of a boat.
To change this trajectory, the speaker argues that we must first become aware of when our minds are "time traveling" back to the past or into a future modeled by old fears. The brain acts like a search engine that finds evidence for whatever questions we ask it; therefore, asking "Why does this always happen to me?" leads to more victimhood, while asking "What can I learn from this?" shifts the focus toward growth. It is crucial to understand that identity is not just built on thoughts but on a file of evidence in the brain. To shift our identity, we cannot rely solely on positive thinking; we must provide new evidence by doing things that contradict our old self-image, such as taking action outside our comfort zone or completing tasks we have been avoiding.
Finally, the video emphasizes the importance of rehearsing the future vividly rather than endlessly replaying past events. While humans are naturally excellent at mentally reliving conversations from years ago in high detail, this skill has often been misdirected toward the past. The speaker advises dedicating that same mental energy to pre-living the specific details of the life we want, making the future more exciting and familiar than the past. This does not mean ignoring real trauma or grief, which require processing rather than marinating in; it means moving forward with intention so that our brain updates its predictions based on new possibilities. By stopping the rehearsal of the past and obsessing over the creation of a new future, we can finally align our actions with the life we truly desire.
Read the full video transcript
What if the biggest thing standing
between you and the life that you want
isn't your discipline, it isn't your
circumstances or even your ability? What
if it's the life that doesn't even exist
anymore? Most people don't realize how
much their future is being dictated by
experiences that happened 5, 10, even 20
years ago. An old failure decides which
risk that you take. An old betrayal
decides who you trust. An old version of
you decides what you believe and what
you're capable of today. And if you
don't learn how to break that cycle, you
can spend the rest of your life
unconsciously recreating the past that
you're desperately trying to escape. So
this episode is how to finally stop.
Here's the thing that you need to
understand. Modern neuroscience
increasingly looks at the brain as a
prediction machine. Carl Fristen, who is
one of the most cited neuroscientists
alive, built an entire framework around
this idea. Your brain is not just
sitting there waiting for reality to
happen. It is constantly generating a
guess about what is about to happen and
then checking reality against that guess
that it has. So like in plain language,
here's what that means. Your brain is
always answering one question. What
happens next? And then it makes a guess
and then it's trying to prove that guess
true. Here's the problem though. What is
the only material that it has to build
that guess out of? It's your past.
That's it. That's all it's got. So, if
somebody betrayed you in the past, your
brain doesn't file that away as just
history. It files it as evidence that
this is what happens. And so the next
time that somebody gets close to you,
your brain runs a model and goes, "Okay,
I know how this entire thing is going to
end based off of what's happened to us
before." And now you're not responding
to the person who's right in front of
your face. You're responding to a
prediction that your brain is creating
based off of your past from somebody who
might not even be in your life anymore.
If you really get this, this can change
the entire course of your life. Your
brain isn't showing you your past. It's
using your past to write and predict
your future.
Holy. Like, do you get that? This is why
it's so important to separate yourself
from your thoughts. Because a lot of
times your thoughts are just automatic.
And if they're automatic, that means
that they're coming from your past. And
so, you can't get caught up in these
thoughts and, oh, I'm always so
negative. This is just the way that I
am. No, no, no. We're not trying to
recreate our past here. That's not what
we're trying to do. We're trying to
change so that our future can be
different from our past. And if we don't
sit down and actually be diligent on it,
we will always default to this pattern.
And so for me, like I did this for years
when I was younger before I get into
self-development, started working on
myself. I didn't even know that I was
doing it. I could tell you how I was a
victim in my life in my entire past and
everything that summarized my victimhood
in like three minutes. Every hard thing
that I had been through, all of the bad
stuff, all of the losses, every reason
why I was the way that I was, it was
like I had said it so many times, it was
basically like it was rehearsed. Like I
could probably have delivered a TED talk
on how much of a victim I was, right?
Like that's how it used to be. And we
will be right back. Hey, real quick. If
you're someone who sets a goal, gets
really fired up for a couple weeks, and
then somehow ends up right back with the
same habits that you swore that you were
done with, this is for you. Listen to me
for just a second. It's not because
you're lazy. It's not because you don't
have enough discipline. It's because
you're trying to create a new life with
the same identity that you've always
had. So you have to understand you will
always act in alignment with who you
believe that you are. So if deep down
you see yourself as somebody who quits,
someone who never follows through,
someone who always falls back into the
same old patterns, then you will keep
proving that story true over and over
again. And until you change that old
identity underneath it, nothing will
change. That's why on August 27th, I'm
hosting a completely free live workshop
where I'm going to show you how to
identify the patterns that have been
controlling your decisions without you
even realizing it. How to break those
patterns and then how to shift your
identity so that the actions that you
want to take finally match the life that
you say that you want. So, if you're
ready for change and you don't want to
stay the old version of you, go to
2026workshop.com
right now or scan the QR code that's
right here to save your free spot for
August 27th. So, go ahead, save your
seat and I'll see you there. And now,
back to the show. People think like I
used I've always been positive. No,
dude. Like, I had to work on myself. My
brain was defaulting to focus on the bad
from my past. And the reason why I was
doing that and I understand now is so it
could protect me from the bad in the
future. So it takes the bad from the
past. It throws it into the future,
makes a prediction of it, makes us place
smaller in our life than we should. So
that therefore we don't get hurt again
or we don't get injured again. We don't
have to go through that pain that we
went through in our past. But like if
you had gone back to that version of me
when I was younger that was such a
victim and asked like, "Hey, tell me
about who you want to become, I could
not have given you five sentences. I
could give you a a TED talk on how I was
a victim. I couldn't even tell you what
I wanted for my life or what I was
trying to build." And like once I
started working on myself, I really
realized like I was fluent in my past. I
was fluent in being a victim and I was
like completely illiterate in my future.
And now I've been coaching people for
about 20 years now and I can tell you
the pattern that I see over and over and
over again is that the people whose
lives change are not the people who have
like the easiest pass. Like a lot of
times they're actually the hardest
paths, but they are the people who
actually stopped making their past their
main character. Stopped focusing on
their past so much because they were
trying to get away from it. Because
whatever you focus on, you're going to
get more of. So if you focus on your
past all the time, guess what your brain
is going to build for you? More of
whatever happened to you in your past.
Right? [snorts] So let's talk about how
to actually stop this. The first thing
you need to do is you need to catch the
time travel. Our brain is always time
traveling. You cannot change something
if you don't notice it. So we need to
become aware of this thing. So the next
time like let's say for the next week,
right? I don't want you to change
anything in your life. I don't want you
to try to change for the next week. I
just want you to catch yourself going
back to the past because your mind is
almost never here in the present moment.
It's either in the past or it's in a
future model built out of the past. And
so there's many, many, many moments
throughout our day where this happens
where your default mode just kicks in.
So when you catch yourself defaulting
and going back to your past or your
problems or your victimhood, when you
catch it, don't fight it. Don't judge
it. Don't do anything about it for the
next week. Just notice it, right? Become
aware of it. Oh. Hm. Look at that. It
looks like I'm time traveling right now.
I'm not even here. But just notice it
because you cannot change something that
you're unaware of. Okay. The second
thing you want to do is you want to
start changing the question that you're
feeding it. So, your brain, you've heard
me say this before, is basically like a
search engine. Whatever you type into
the search engine, it's going to go and
find evidence for. Your brain is going
to do the exact same thing. The problem
is is that most people are typing in
past tense questions all day long. So,
they're saying stuff like, "Why does
this always happen to me?" And then
their brain is like Google and it's
going to go find all of the answers why
this always happens to me. And then they
ask, "Why do I always act like this?"
Then your brain is going to go back and
find all of the times in the past and
the problems and all the stuff where you
acted like that. It's going to find what
you're looking for. People ask, "Why do
people always treat me this way and then
it's going to find all of it." And the
more evidence that it finds because your
questions suck, the more you're actually
going to get deeper and deeper into
these patterns and it's going to be
harder to get out of them. And so your
brain goes, "Huh, great question. Let me
go ahead and pull up the archives." It
will find you the answer. I promise you
this, any question that you ask
yourself, your brain is going to type
all of that in and it's going to answer
that question every single time. It'll
find you usually 15 answers. And now,
well, look at that. You just turned
yourself into a victim again. And now
you're living in a victim mindset. So
your question determines the search. So
what do we need to do? We need to change
the question. So instead of asking like
why does this always happen to me, you
ask yourself a question like what am I
supposed to learn from this? You see,
it's like it's the same circumstance
that you're currently in right now, but
it's two completely different things.
Why does this always happen to me?
You're going to find all of the answers
why it happens to you, and it's going to
make you more stuck. What am I supposed
to learn from this? It's going to go in.
It's going to actually start to
challenge your brain to find what you're
supposed to learn from it so you can
grow. same circumstance, completely
different paths in life. And so instead
of asking a question like, "Why am I
always like this?" you ask, "How can I
change? Why am I always like this?" It's
going to keep you stuck. How can I
change? It's going to free you. It's the
same brain. It's the same circumstance.
It's the same searching power. It's just
a completely different direction that
you go from the current moment. And like
I want to be clear, like I'm not talking
about like just positive thinking. I'm
not asking you to lie to yourself. I'm
telling you, your brain is going to be
searching either way. You're not going
to be able to stop your brain from
searching. You might as well point it
somewhere useful. Like, remember this.
There's a reason why there's something
called the negativity bias in
psychology, and it's because your brain
will almost always default to the
negative. It's a protection mechanism
built into us hundreds of thousands of
years ago. But we're not hunter
gatherers anymore. So if you're going to
change your life, you need to start
changing your questions. Okay. The third
thing you need to do, you need to give
your brain new evidence. What most
people get wrong about changing is they
think in order to change their way and
become like move into a new identity,
like identity is just built out of
thoughts. No, your identity is not built
out of just thoughts. It's more than
anything else. It's built out of
evidence. It has a case file in your
brain that it has been assembling about
you your entire life. And right now,
every piece of evidence in that file
comes from your past.
So yeah, of course, your brain predicts
the same future because that's the only
file that it's got. And so your job
today is not to just like think
differently or to feel differently. Your
job is to hand your brain at least one
piece of evidence that doesn't match the
old file by doing something that you
normally wouldn't do. By doing something
outside of your comfort zone, by doing
something that the version of you that
you want to become would actually do. So
that might be like a a phone call that
you've been avoiding. It might be a
workout when you don't feel like it. It
might be a post that you've been sitting
on and avoiding for 6 months. And it has
to be done today because the past has
10,000 day of like head start of
evidence on you. You're not going to
beat it with one day. That's fine. And
so you're only going to beat your old
identity the same way that it got built.
One piece of evidence at a time. And so
every time you do something different,
your brain goes, "Huh, well, that's
new." Like, "All right, let me update
the file on him." And you do it over and
over and over and over and over and over
and over again. And your old identity
has no choice but to update itself
because it is built on evidence and you
are giving it new evidence as much as
you possibly can. Okay? And then number
four is I want you to rehearse forward
as much as you rehearse backwards right
now. Like you are already excellent at
mental rehearsal whether you realize it
or not. I need you to understand that
you're probably elite at it. Like you
can replay a conversation from 2009 in
HD with the lighting and with the smell
of the room, with what they were
wearing. And that's not like a flaw.
That's just a skill of being a human.
You've just been pointing that brain of
yours at the wrong direction. You've
been focusing too much on the past. And
so in the normal 20 minutes that you'd
spend replaying your past, I want you to
spend it pre-living instead.
And be specific about the future you're
creating because vague doesn't work.
Think about the future that you want in
vivid detail. Don't just think like, oh,
I want to be successful. Where do you
want to wake up? What does a room look
like? What's the first thing that you
do? How do you handle something that
used to wreck you? What's your body
doing? What's it look like? Who are you
when no one's watching? You should be
living in your future and what you're
[snorts] creating more than you're
living in your past. your future is way
more exciting. Like you should be
thinking about that more often. Become
obsessed with the future that you're
creating and do it every day because
repetition is what makes it feel
familiar and familiar is what the brain
moves towards. And so your brain is
going to rehearse something today. That
part is not optional. The only thing
that you get to choose is what it
rehearses. If you don't take charge of
it, it will default to the past. I
promise you that. And so what you want
to do is you want to be very intentional
about what your brain focuses on. Make
sure that it focuses on the future and
that your future is vividly detailed and
more exciting than the past is. Okay?
And like I need to quickly warn you, I
guess, because this part gets misused
constantly. I'm not pretending that your
past didn't happen. I'm not telling you
to forget your past. If something real
happened to you, that's real. Like grief
is real. Trauma is real. What was done
to you was done to you. And some of it
probably actually might need
professional help, not just like a
podcast. And I want you to go get that.
So, I'm not saying skip over it. There's
a difference between processing
something and then like marinating in
it, right? Processing has a direction.
It's going somewhere. Marinating in it
is just like a circle that doesn't get
you anywhere. It's just like mental
masturbation, right? And so, here's what
I want you to write down today. I just
want you to answer this one question. If
my brain builds a future out of whatever
I give it most, what have I been giving
it? And get very detailed on what you've
been giving it. Sit with it. Write it
down. Because your past already
happened. It's done. It's over. It
cannot touch you anymore. I always say
that your past is basically like the
wake of a boat. If you turn around and
you look at behind the boat when you're
on it, you can see the wake and it shows
you where you've been, but the wake
cannot steer the ship. But so many
people are letting the wake of their
life, the past steer their ship. So the
only thing that it can still take from
you, all of these things have happened
to you in your past, is your future. But
it can only take it from you if you just
keep handing it over. And so stop
rehearsing all the things that have
already happened. Start rehearsing what
you're building. Start rehearsing the
life that you want. And you have to be
more obsessed with the future that you
want and what you're building more than
you are with your past. Hey, thanks so
much for watching today's video. If you
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